Hello and welcome to our Survivor update on this very shitty and snowy day. If you are lucky to not be in the snow, you are lucky enough to probably win the pool this season.  Right about now I'd PAY to go live on a beach and sleep in a bamboo shelter.  I mean, shit, they get tons of food this season and apparently were able to bring a suitcase of clothing changes.  What happened to the ONE LUXURY ITEM??  Half of the time I can't keep these women straight because they keep changing their clothes.  

So, if you remember when we last chatted, the purple tribe (which basically has gotten about 90% of the air time this season) had just had a blindslide and sent Morgan home.  Domenick was pushing for Angela to go as a way to target his rival Chris.  The former orange tribe 4, however, stuck together and got rid of Morgan.  Dom and Wesley sit together and discuss their ass kicking.  They admit to the ass kicking and admit that they made enemies along the way.  Wendell proclaims it a disaster and to cheer him up Dom admits to having a real idol.  Wendell is kinda like, sooooo you lied to me, which Dom blows off as a WHO DOESN'T LIE ABOUT AN IDOL!  Mwahahaha.  Apparently Wendell buys it and they believe they now have a chance to "shake things up" and break someone away from the orange 4.

Angela is pissed that she was targeted, says Wendell and Dom stabbed her in the back. Proclaims them WOLVES.

The next day Dom finds the legacy idol in his bag from Morgan.  Again, can't be used until there are either 13 or 6 left.

Reward Challenge:  It's a water polo fight club thing.  They are literally my least favorite challenges.  Wanna know?  MORE FREAKING FOOD.  Winning tribe gets bread, peanut butter and jelly and milk.  They also get to send someone to Ghost where they will throw pottery with Patrick Swayze and break a little clay pot.  The Ghoster will return before tribal.

Again I hate this challenge so blah blah blah, purple wins.  They decide to go to rocks to pick the Ghoster.  While Jeff is handing them out Kellyn gets a speaking role this week and says "Ghost is my biggest survivor fear".  So of course she gets the white pebble and a trip to see Whoopi Goldberg.  Jeff is on her statement like white on rice and she goes all "there are no coincidences...everything happens for a reason...."  

Once on Ghost, there is no pottery wheel, dammit, and she admits her fear is about being alone.  With cameramen.....   She does the break the urn thing and ooooooh it leads her INTO THE FIRE.  Once at the challenge she gets a choice to play for an advantage or give up a vote.  Since the numbers aren't great she decides to not play in order to not risk it for the tribe.  Pansy.  "The Survivor Gods gave me the rock but I have to trust my gut".  And then she rambles on about life and the changes she has made and blah blah blah just to keep the camera person around.  

Over once AGAIN to the purple tribe who are eating sandwiches.  They ask Chris if he got to play the Ghost game and he says no.  Later Chris and Angela talk and she tells him what happened at tribal.  He gets pissed because he sees the votes for Angela as against him.  Chris thinks there is an opening for them to jump over to the Orange 4 so he rushes over to Donathan, James and laurel and starts telling them they should work together and how much he likes them. Basically coming on like a loser half an hour before closing time.  Donathan and James agree that Chris was certainly feeding them stuff.  

Donathan talks to Laurel about which she prefers, Chris or Wendell and they both agree that they like Wendell better.  

Laurel, who is an  ivy league grad and a big deal athlete, talks to Domenick and tells him she wants to stay with him and Wendell.  She indicates she can bring Donathan along.  He tells her he has an idol.  They agree that they can OPEN THIS GAME UP.    Domenick sighs that he again has life.  

Immunity Challenge:  It's another water one.  They have to swim out as a group to a cage, climb over it and unleash a chest at the bottom.  Drag the chest to shore and them out it on this track and pull it, bringing in more track as they go.  Once at the end, there are balls inside the trunk that they will throw on a slim platform.  It's actually a unique challenge and THERE IS NO DAMN PUZZLE.

Orange is way ahead, getting to the ball toss very early, yet purple comes from behind and wins immunity!  Wow!!  We might get to see 10 minutes of the orange tribe!  It's a HUGE comeback and Jeff gets to say thinks like NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!  IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL IT'S OVER!!!  Personally I like IT'S NOT OVER TILL THE FAT LADY SING, but they really don't like fat people on this show.  

It's somber over on Orange except for Bradley who is happy because they have all of the power.  Steph tries to talk to him but he's all "it's 5-4, suck it up".  Steph doubts anyone will crack so she goes into her soliloquy about being a single mom, and how she wants a better life for her kid, and how she wants another day on Survivor and all I can think is HEY ARE THOSE LULAROE LEGGINGS??  And, really, why didn't anyone else ever wear leggings on Survivor because it's freakin brilliant.  Stretches so won't fall off when you get skinny (that's why I have so many pairs.  hahahahahah), keeps the bugs from crawling up your bathing suit bottom and biting your cooch, light yet warm.  Seriously, brilliant.  Anyway, she has the sads. 

The other people, who I LITERALLY CAN'T NAME, are talking about who to get rid of.  They discuss whether someone might have an idol, and they discuss targeting a strong male because they will assume they'll want to keep the men and target one of the girls.  Chelsea is all for going after a man.  So it's  Brendan or MIchael.  Bradley doesn't like Brendan because "he's like a Dad who gives terrible pep talks".  Bradley is all arrogant because he thinks he's an awesome smart lawyer and smarter than the rest of the people.  

Brendan and Mike talk and decide they are screwed, even though they have an idol.  Steph and Jenn are sitting around sad and Michael tells them he JUST found an idol.  Time to MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN.  They decide they want to go for Bradley and try to get someone to flip.  

Tribal Council-it's night 12 yet some of these people still haven't been to tribal.  FIRE REPRESENTS YOUR LIFE.....

Sebastian, are you feeling strong?  Tooootally, dude.  We're like TOATS  strong and we have the edge

Desiree- yes Jeff it's been AAAAAAWKWARD having these losers in our midst

Stephanie comments on Bradley's "little alliance"

Bradley says that Steph has been totally obnoxious making little snipes at him all day.  I tried to talk to each of them but "more as a babysitter".

Michael points out that his little alliance is strong only because it's never been tested at tribal.  He points out that Sebastian and Chelsea are at the bottom. Tells Sebastian that Bradley is totally never going to take him to the end. 

Bradley points out that they are a strong alliance of 5.

Steph:  GOOD LUCK BELIEVING THAT

Chelsea says they are just "throwing spit at the wall" which I don't really think is an actual expression

Jeff asks Desiree if it's really that simple

She starts to answer and Mike says MAYBE NOT and pulls out his idol.  He explains that it's actually double immunity and says all of them are voting for Bradley

Brad tries to talk down the ringleader stuff and Chelsea says this changes things

Mike extends and offer to anyone who wants to cross over and join them

Sebastian says it's certainly something to think about.  

Mike states that this could be the night, as you are all voted off, that you look back and wish you had made a move.

Time to vote.  Michael plays the idol for himself and Brandon.....no wait.  Stephanie.  

In the end, no one flips and they chose Brandon who is voted off.