So, week 2 of the show is already day 7, which surprised me. Fang, who is already down a couple people just realized they are running low on rice, so none of this eating 3 times a day. Randy says, "hell yes, I don't need to eat 3 times a day". No, Randy, in fact you could live off your belly fat for the entire 30 days. Today's Randy Weather: Sunny with a smattering of GC hatred.
Over on the Sunshine Tribe, they are at least eating better with the fishing equipment. But, not a lot of good chakras going down Ace's way. Paloma hates him. Sugar, on the other hand, is using all of her wily pole dancer skills on Ace. It appears to be working. Paloma at one point suggests that Ace's accent isn't even real. LOL. I was thinking the same thing. Ace is a "fashion photographer". 'Nuf said. Paloma is a waitress, which I think continues the 17 season unbroken string of nasty waitresses. Charlie, I believe, continues to function as the brains of this team.
Reward Challenge: POW Camp Hijinks. I really don't know what the real name given to this challenge was but is basically consisted of someone trying to hold onto a pole and getting the crap beat out of them by 2 members of the opposing team. Think Rodney King without the nightsticks.
First up, Ace assumes a zen position on his pole while GC and Matty attempt to rip him off. Dan takes on Marcus and Charlie, who I believe are getting a little too into it. Kota wins the first round. For the second round, Ace makes the ridiculous choice of having Paloma take a hit on the pole. Um, doesn't Sugar have some experience with hanging on poles? Susie takes the pole for Fang. Bob and Sugar attack for Kota , Cystal and Randy for Fang. This round lasts about 10 seconds as 90 lb Paloma is carried over the line.
Round 3: Ace and Dan back on the poles (I could not understand why so few people were used for this physical challenge), with Crystal and Matty taking on Ace, Marcus and Bob taking on Dan. This is a long drawn out ass whupping, with Crystal getting back to her Olympian fighting spirit. Unbelievable, Ace must have lost his magic mojo crystal, because Fang wins the challenge.
Fang gets bedding and the chance to send Sugar to exile.
On Kota, all are walking around suggesting Paloma getting her butt kicked sealed her fate. How about the fact that Ace made the DUMMEST call in putting her in? Just don't get it.
On Exile, Sugar chooses to look for the clue and BANGS right through all of the clues Dan missed in about an hour. She gets a clue and a map (don't think Dan got this) BANG she finds the LARGE sand pit and the second clue. BANG she finds the special tree, climbs it, and locates the next clue. BANG she wades through an alligator infested pond and finds the immunity idol. Along the way she tells us she's doing this to get over the loss of her dad.
On Kota, Corrine talks BOB into the alliance. Tree Mail and, thank god, bathing suits. Enough with the Calvin Kline man underwear. Immunity Challenge: Authentic African Slip N Slides are incorporated into a slide/swim/math puzzle/unlock a chest challenge. I'm going to skip to the chase on this one. The final part of the challenge, the math portion, comes down to BOB, the physics teacher and Ken, the gaming dweeb. I think Jeff tried to explain how you have to take the derivative of the second number times the integer of the first number, squared, times the number of days on the show minus the cost of the huts used in the tribal council set ($5) to solve the puzzle, but I was just looking for that peeking chest hair again. Bob gets it first—but it’s wrong. Ken gets it—but it’s wrong. Bob gets it—but it’s wrong. Ken gets it—and it’s correct! Fang wins immunity!!
Over on Kota, Sugar comes back all crying about how hard it is on exile, and nobody even asks her if she found the idol 'cause she's just a dumb blond. She actually is a dumb blond because she tells her Ace in the hole that she has it. He reveals his master plan to win Survivor: Vote off Paloma and then Kelly. Um, yea, there's a few more people you gotta worry about Ace. Paloma tries to save her ass by telling Corrine that Ace has everybody in an alliance (really?) and Corrine starts leaning toward getting rid of Ace. But of course you know they are contractually bound to at least try to make the vote look interesting.
Paloma is the 3rd person voted off.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Amazing Race Week 1
Ding...fries are done. Gotta get this update out before tonight's show. The first one is always the hardest when you don't know the teams yet.
Season 13 of the Amazing Race kicked off from LA, and might I say that Travelocity must be raking it in since they took off in Mercedes. Teams took off driving to the airport to get a flight to Salvador Brazil. Anyone else wonder how the hippies ("beekeepers") were going to get through airport security with all of their drugs? Although I'm not sure LAX is equipped with beard-sniffing dogs.
On the drive to the airport we get to learn a few things about the contestants: Ken and Tina are separated Christians, 'cause he shagged outside of marriage, Toni is a single mom to Dallas and newly dating Terence and Sarah aren't going to be together at the end of the 11 legs.
Either I never noticed it last time, or this is the first time they had a marked ticket counter for the Amazing Race. Even the clue apparently said, "go to the MARKED counter", although a couple of teams missed out on that and stood in the terrorist line. Aja and Ty finally figured it out and set off a stampede to the correct counter. I can see why American is not a sponsor, since AS USUAL the American flight had an hour and a half delay. While waiting, Nick and Starr approached the Cheaters (my team, Ken and Tina) to form a loose alliance.
On the American flight: Mark & Bill, Ken & Tina, Nick and Starr, Terence & Sarah, Aja & Ty, and Kelly & Christy. On United: Andrew & Dan, Toni & Dallas, Anthony & Stephanie, Marisa & Brooke, and Anita & Arthur.
Once in Brazil teams have to take a taxi to a sandwich shop, "O Rei Do Pernil" where they have to take a coffee cart through the streets of Brazil and up the funicular to get their next clue leading them to a military base for a night spent under mosquito nets and a sign up sheet for one of 3 departure times. 9 am departures for Terence & Sarah, Mark & Bill, Nick & Starr, and The Cheaters. 9:30 departures for Aja & Ty Kelly & Christy and the fastest couple from the United flight, frat boys Andrew & Dan. 9:45 for Marisa & Brooke, Anthony & Stephanie, Toni & Dallas, and Anita & Arthur.
In the morning teams had to get cabs and go to a church for their next clue: DETOUR. And, once again, thanks to Phil for reminding us all after 13 seasons what a detour is. Detour is hard way up or soft way down, which I thought was not helpful for the Cheaters who are trying to forget that little marriage detour. All but the frat boys, chose soft way down and had to climb down a cargo net. I believe the frat boys felt that their 4 years of experience doing pub crawls would help them with the task at hand.
After completing the Detour, teams were instructed to go to the Pit Stop at Forte Sao Marcelo. The Cheaters and Nick and Starr got down the cargo net first but the Cheaters jumped in a taxi rather than ask for directions. Nick and Starr found out they needed to take a close ferry and they managed to get the first boat for a first place finish. Frat boys crawled up the steps to the most annoying example of Brazilian street music, only to be asked how many steps did you just climb up. LOL. Duh, let's go back and count this time.
At the end, the hippies who were forced to leave their speed behind were eliminated. Which is a shame because we didn't really get to know how freaky they really were. I don't know about anyone else but one look at all that grey hair and I didn't even want to know what the drain in their shower looks like.
Season 13 of the Amazing Race kicked off from LA, and might I say that Travelocity must be raking it in since they took off in Mercedes. Teams took off driving to the airport to get a flight to Salvador Brazil. Anyone else wonder how the hippies ("beekeepers") were going to get through airport security with all of their drugs? Although I'm not sure LAX is equipped with beard-sniffing dogs.
On the drive to the airport we get to learn a few things about the contestants: Ken and Tina are separated Christians, 'cause he shagged outside of marriage, Toni is a single mom to Dallas and newly dating Terence and Sarah aren't going to be together at the end of the 11 legs.
Either I never noticed it last time, or this is the first time they had a marked ticket counter for the Amazing Race. Even the clue apparently said, "go to the MARKED counter", although a couple of teams missed out on that and stood in the terrorist line. Aja and Ty finally figured it out and set off a stampede to the correct counter. I can see why American is not a sponsor, since AS USUAL the American flight had an hour and a half delay. While waiting, Nick and Starr approached the Cheaters (my team, Ken and Tina) to form a loose alliance.
On the American flight: Mark & Bill, Ken & Tina, Nick and Starr, Terence & Sarah, Aja & Ty, and Kelly & Christy. On United: Andrew & Dan, Toni & Dallas, Anthony & Stephanie, Marisa & Brooke, and Anita & Arthur.
Once in Brazil teams have to take a taxi to a sandwich shop, "O Rei Do Pernil" where they have to take a coffee cart through the streets of Brazil and up the funicular to get their next clue leading them to a military base for a night spent under mosquito nets and a sign up sheet for one of 3 departure times. 9 am departures for Terence & Sarah, Mark & Bill, Nick & Starr, and The Cheaters. 9:30 departures for Aja & Ty Kelly & Christy and the fastest couple from the United flight, frat boys Andrew & Dan. 9:45 for Marisa & Brooke, Anthony & Stephanie, Toni & Dallas, and Anita & Arthur.
In the morning teams had to get cabs and go to a church for their next clue: DETOUR. And, once again, thanks to Phil for reminding us all after 13 seasons what a detour is. Detour is hard way up or soft way down, which I thought was not helpful for the Cheaters who are trying to forget that little marriage detour. All but the frat boys, chose soft way down and had to climb down a cargo net. I believe the frat boys felt that their 4 years of experience doing pub crawls would help them with the task at hand.
After completing the Detour, teams were instructed to go to the Pit Stop at Forte Sao Marcelo. The Cheaters and Nick and Starr got down the cargo net first but the Cheaters jumped in a taxi rather than ask for directions. Nick and Starr found out they needed to take a close ferry and they managed to get the first boat for a first place finish. Frat boys crawled up the steps to the most annoying example of Brazilian street music, only to be asked how many steps did you just climb up. LOL. Duh, let's go back and count this time.
At the end, the hippies who were forced to leave their speed behind were eliminated. Which is a shame because we didn't really get to know how freaky they really were. I don't know about anyone else but one look at all that grey hair and I didn't even want to know what the drain in their shower looks like.
Survivor Africa Week 1 Part 2
When we left off, Jeff had just extinguished the ugly inside and out Michelle's torch. Team Fang headed back to camp with GC as it's new leader. Next morning GC starts to lead, giving out a few orders and Crystal just stands around with a "what choo talking 'bout" look on her face. Ever positive Randy announces it's time for the "let everyone crash and burn" while I stand around looking stupid strategy.
During the next night, the elders (Randy and Colleen) are snoring up a storm and GC gets up to do the laundry. Next, a few of the others join him and sit around the ol campfire talking. Colleen busts on them that there's time enough in the daytime for talking, let me sleep. (Karen, I did in fact, think of you...) Funny, I always thought old people didn't need as much sleep. GC gets pissed and quits as leader.
Over on Kota, Marcus, Charlie, Jacque and Corrine form an alliance. Corrine is living up to her self proclaimed "bitch".
Challenge Time: It's called Rolling Stone but it is really Rolling Ball of Paper Mache. Funny how they found 2 boulders with the exact, perfectly round shape, one with red and one with orange squares glued on them. Fang shows up wearing charcoal war paint to inspire themselves. Wanna know what you're playing for? Immunity up for grabs plus fishing gear. Ok, first of all, all we see is wild animals roaming around, and 2 small alligator filled ponds, and they give them fishing gear? C'mon, haul out the rifles and bullets and let's have some real eating.
Both teams push the paper mache balls through some gates, climb up and get some keys, unlock some padlocks and then have to roll the balls into little bamboo squares. Kota does a better job of acting like the ball is really heavy and is rewarded with the win. Dan is sent to exile "island" (yes, my husband did wake up and say, "wait, there are islands in the middle of Africa??).
Once on exile, he gets to chose a clue or comfort (which, in my mind, an apple and an open air hut is not comfort). He chooses a clue which states he has to look in the sandy crater across the way. Um, I'm not any big genius, but I believe by the use of the words "sandy crater" would have indicated it wasn't in the middle of the lake. Idiot. He then proceeds to dig in the grass randomly, just like my dog does.
Back at Fang, Colleen is still blowing smoke up their butts: "I know we lost but we're getting better". Although I want to, I'll skip giving you all the "this kind of false self esteem bullcrap is what's wrong with America" speech this time-but know it's coming. Knowing someone has to go, Colleen and Susie discuss how the young 'ums are going to start kicking off the elderly. Randy manages to use his reading glasses to make a fish hook and catches a fish. The Fang tribe declares themselves "survival experts".
Dan drags his butt back from exile and is really out of it. The others think he's acting strangely and believe he found the idol. What a friggin joke. At tribal council Dan dumps his back to prove that he does not have it. In the end, Gillian is voted off. Randy looks pleased.
During the next night, the elders (Randy and Colleen) are snoring up a storm and GC gets up to do the laundry. Next, a few of the others join him and sit around the ol campfire talking. Colleen busts on them that there's time enough in the daytime for talking, let me sleep. (Karen, I did in fact, think of you...) Funny, I always thought old people didn't need as much sleep. GC gets pissed and quits as leader.
Over on Kota, Marcus, Charlie, Jacque and Corrine form an alliance. Corrine is living up to her self proclaimed "bitch".
Challenge Time: It's called Rolling Stone but it is really Rolling Ball of Paper Mache. Funny how they found 2 boulders with the exact, perfectly round shape, one with red and one with orange squares glued on them. Fang shows up wearing charcoal war paint to inspire themselves. Wanna know what you're playing for? Immunity up for grabs plus fishing gear. Ok, first of all, all we see is wild animals roaming around, and 2 small alligator filled ponds, and they give them fishing gear? C'mon, haul out the rifles and bullets and let's have some real eating.
Both teams push the paper mache balls through some gates, climb up and get some keys, unlock some padlocks and then have to roll the balls into little bamboo squares. Kota does a better job of acting like the ball is really heavy and is rewarded with the win. Dan is sent to exile "island" (yes, my husband did wake up and say, "wait, there are islands in the middle of Africa??).
Once on exile, he gets to chose a clue or comfort (which, in my mind, an apple and an open air hut is not comfort). He chooses a clue which states he has to look in the sandy crater across the way. Um, I'm not any big genius, but I believe by the use of the words "sandy crater" would have indicated it wasn't in the middle of the lake. Idiot. He then proceeds to dig in the grass randomly, just like my dog does.
Back at Fang, Colleen is still blowing smoke up their butts: "I know we lost but we're getting better". Although I want to, I'll skip giving you all the "this kind of false self esteem bullcrap is what's wrong with America" speech this time-but know it's coming. Knowing someone has to go, Colleen and Susie discuss how the young 'ums are going to start kicking off the elderly. Randy manages to use his reading glasses to make a fish hook and catches a fish. The Fang tribe declares themselves "survival experts".
Dan drags his butt back from exile and is really out of it. The others think he's acting strangely and believe he found the idol. What a friggin joke. At tribal council Dan dumps his back to prove that he does not have it. In the end, Gillian is voted off. Randy looks pleased.
Survivor Africa: Week 1 Part 1
Ok, so I can just hear the new people saying, what the heck? I heard this chick that runs the pool is all brilliantly funny and writes the most amazing summaries, and for the last 6 days I've been checking my email about as often as I've been checking the election blogs on huffington post, and every day it's the same thing. Nothing. Well, suck it up people cause I am not a happy camper about being the first person voted off this season. You know the person? At the reunion show, the one where you go, "oh yea, I kind of remember that zit faced skank girl". Yea, that girl. Was. Mine. So, once and for all, for those of you who I KNOW have always thought that I cheat and keep the best player for myself, you owe me a BIG FAT apology.
So, on to the brilliantly funny summary.
Cue the video of the charging elephants, and the gorillas and some other antelope thing, and play the APPARENTLY ENDLESS Lion King soundtrack. God, I was going to start a drinking game (for those of you new, I pick some inane thing that someone says or does about every 3 minutes and pretend it's a drinking game so that I'm not pathetically sitting watching Survivor and getting hammered) with elephants but I would have been on the floor in half an hour.
In walks the survivors from across the veld (impressed with my vocabulary yet??) and it's one of those "in your street clothes" seasons. Show of hands, who else would show up at the airport and every minute until the show started in the most useful, comfortable, multi-layered clothes?? They stroll out of the bush and bam, there's the shining god of Jeff Probst. Hmmmmmm. Anyone else notice that little tuft of chest hair peaking out? Heavenly. OK, so they resort to some lame excuse about Africa respecting their elders to have Orville Redenbacker and Glenda the good witch chose teams.
Orville is a sharp dude, Glenda is a total idiot. Orville's team is Kota, and when Jeff announces that Glenda's team is Fang, my long suffering husband almost snaps his neck looking up and saying, "did he say the team name is THONG??" . Down boy, time enough for pixilation.
Let me just bag on a couple of the contestants first and get it out of the way:
Ken-the professional video gamer. Like, dude, is that a career?? Or is that what your parents call you to their friends instead of admitting you are a college graduate still living at him watching TV all day.
Randy-Mr. Hawaiian shirt. Under his name it keeps saying wedding videographer, although he hates marriage. Yea, hmmm, how come the bride is always out of focus in the pictures, you woman hater? Weddings may be his job but I know I'm not the only one who thinks kiddie porn is his hobby.
Crystal-former Olympian. Uhuh. More on this later.
Sugar-who I think used to be called Jessica until the cbs website changed her name. She's a pinup model. Bulls$%$t. She's a pole dancer.
Danny-who is now called G-Sizzle, which he abbreviates as GC. Say what? Wouldn't that be GS??
First challenge: run up the hill. Damn, they are going for broke this year. First 2 up the hill get immunity, but the first TEAM gets a bag of corn and beans. I think they go for Beano next week. Kota gets up the hill first and gets the carbs, Marcus and GC get immunity. Old lady Gillian (aka Glenda) gets hauled up the hill as, surprise surprise, does Crystal, the Olympian. Man, see what happens America when we stop using steroids? Pathetic.
Off to camps. Obligatory scary animal footage. Kota has a camp with shelter, a boat, a dock. Fang either got lost and went to the wrong camp or they got screwed. Gillian tries to cheer Tribe Thong up by blowing magic fairy dust up their butts but it ain't working. About an hour into the show, Kiddie Porn man is already sick of her voice. Ken, who I don't think has been with a woman (and, by that I mean in the same room) in 5 years is smitten by the pizza and sullen faced Michelle.
On Kota, Ace "I'm the full package" is giving out the orders while Orville Redenbacker basically macrames a roof on the huts. Charlie (gay lawyer, not that there's anything wrong with that) hits on Marcus, who informs us there are "not 2 Adams here".Nighttime and those DANGEROUS animals abound. OH MY GOD, Kiddie Porn has been attacked by an elephant!! Oh, wait, he hit his head on the doorway.
Day 3: Michelle (pizza face) is MISERABLE. Tree mail: Immunity Challenge coming up. Kota: Quick, let us get into our underwear and do some yoga.
Immunity Challenge: teams are in bondage, traipsing through a leech-filled swamp, over a wall, under something, dig for puzzle pieces, win immunity and flint. Basically it's an ass-whupping. Kota wins immunity.
Usual dynamics pre-tribal council. Gillian thinks they all did a great job. Michelle thinks "they are all retarded". Off to THE MOST FAKE TRIBAL COUNCIL SET EVER. Really, ever. One knocked over torch and it's all going up. You just know there are going to be "authentic" cannibals later this season. Jeff is looking fabulous, although anyone else think he dyed his hair?? Dan didn't get the memo that Tribal Council will now be dress down and he is wearing a tie. Jeff asks a question and all hell breaks out. Yea, they need a leader. GC is chosen by default. Lemme go count (and reorganize) the votes. Pizza face, you need to bring me your torch.
So, on to the brilliantly funny summary.
Cue the video of the charging elephants, and the gorillas and some other antelope thing, and play the APPARENTLY ENDLESS Lion King soundtrack. God, I was going to start a drinking game (for those of you new, I pick some inane thing that someone says or does about every 3 minutes and pretend it's a drinking game so that I'm not pathetically sitting watching Survivor and getting hammered) with elephants but I would have been on the floor in half an hour.
In walks the survivors from across the veld (impressed with my vocabulary yet??) and it's one of those "in your street clothes" seasons. Show of hands, who else would show up at the airport and every minute until the show started in the most useful, comfortable, multi-layered clothes?? They stroll out of the bush and bam, there's the shining god of Jeff Probst. Hmmmmmm. Anyone else notice that little tuft of chest hair peaking out? Heavenly. OK, so they resort to some lame excuse about Africa respecting their elders to have Orville Redenbacker and Glenda the good witch chose teams.
Orville is a sharp dude, Glenda is a total idiot. Orville's team is Kota, and when Jeff announces that Glenda's team is Fang, my long suffering husband almost snaps his neck looking up and saying, "did he say the team name is THONG??" . Down boy, time enough for pixilation.
Let me just bag on a couple of the contestants first and get it out of the way:
Ken-the professional video gamer. Like, dude, is that a career?? Or is that what your parents call you to their friends instead of admitting you are a college graduate still living at him watching TV all day.
Randy-Mr. Hawaiian shirt. Under his name it keeps saying wedding videographer, although he hates marriage. Yea, hmmm, how come the bride is always out of focus in the pictures, you woman hater? Weddings may be his job but I know I'm not the only one who thinks kiddie porn is his hobby.
Crystal-former Olympian. Uhuh. More on this later.
Sugar-who I think used to be called Jessica until the cbs website changed her name. She's a pinup model. Bulls$%$t. She's a pole dancer.
Danny-who is now called G-Sizzle, which he abbreviates as GC. Say what? Wouldn't that be GS??
First challenge: run up the hill. Damn, they are going for broke this year. First 2 up the hill get immunity, but the first TEAM gets a bag of corn and beans. I think they go for Beano next week. Kota gets up the hill first and gets the carbs, Marcus and GC get immunity. Old lady Gillian (aka Glenda) gets hauled up the hill as, surprise surprise, does Crystal, the Olympian. Man, see what happens America when we stop using steroids? Pathetic.
Off to camps. Obligatory scary animal footage. Kota has a camp with shelter, a boat, a dock. Fang either got lost and went to the wrong camp or they got screwed. Gillian tries to cheer Tribe Thong up by blowing magic fairy dust up their butts but it ain't working. About an hour into the show, Kiddie Porn man is already sick of her voice. Ken, who I don't think has been with a woman (and, by that I mean in the same room) in 5 years is smitten by the pizza and sullen faced Michelle.
On Kota, Ace "I'm the full package" is giving out the orders while Orville Redenbacker basically macrames a roof on the huts. Charlie (gay lawyer, not that there's anything wrong with that) hits on Marcus, who informs us there are "not 2 Adams here".Nighttime and those DANGEROUS animals abound. OH MY GOD, Kiddie Porn has been attacked by an elephant!! Oh, wait, he hit his head on the doorway.
Day 3: Michelle (pizza face) is MISERABLE. Tree mail: Immunity Challenge coming up. Kota: Quick, let us get into our underwear and do some yoga.
Immunity Challenge: teams are in bondage, traipsing through a leech-filled swamp, over a wall, under something, dig for puzzle pieces, win immunity and flint. Basically it's an ass-whupping. Kota wins immunity.
Usual dynamics pre-tribal council. Gillian thinks they all did a great job. Michelle thinks "they are all retarded". Off to THE MOST FAKE TRIBAL COUNCIL SET EVER. Really, ever. One knocked over torch and it's all going up. You just know there are going to be "authentic" cannibals later this season. Jeff is looking fabulous, although anyone else think he dyed his hair?? Dan didn't get the memo that Tribal Council will now be dress down and he is wearing a tie. Jeff asks a question and all hell breaks out. Yea, they need a leader. GC is chosen by default. Lemme go count (and reorganize) the votes. Pizza face, you need to bring me your torch.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Question of the Day
Is anyone really collecting Coke commemorative Olympic cans besides the homeless trying to score a nickel or two? Did someone really get paid for that stroke of marketing genius??
Friday, August 22, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Survivor Micronesia: The Finale
Wow, sorry it's taken me a week to write this. I was SO SHOCKED at Parvati winning that I jumped up, hit my head on the bookcase and have been laying unconscious since last Sunday. Good thing my husband ran out of clean underwear and came to find me or I'd still be there.
We start with a loooong recap, and reminisce about the all girl power/hormonal alliance. Lots of "let's stir the pot ladies" which is getting on my nerves and it's only 8:05. Ok, ok, you're witches. But we already knew that months ago.
Parvati and Natalie have a heart to heart, Cirie and Amanda spy on them from the beach. Cirie is getting a little paranoid. The four girls set off, ready to face each other in the challenge. Jeff is in shorts again. daaaammmmnnnnn.
Challenge: this is the perch on a log, raise a key, swim to shore, unlock a chest with ladder rungs that are some kind of puzzle pieces. Oh, wanna know what you're playing for? Personally I'm hoping it's a night of wild probsting, but alas Jeff is still sticking with that former Survivor tramp of his. Actually this is an immunity challenge. First one up on the platform WITH THEIR LADDER RUNGS INSERTED CORRECTLY wins. Natalie gets her key first, followed by Parvati. They rush off to the beach. Amanda gets her key, confirming once again to me that the presence of Cirie's breasts hinders her in challenges. Cirie gets her key.
Natalie gets an early lead with the ladder but Amanda wins the challenge and immunity. Back to camp and Natalie and Cirie both try to figure out where they fit into the final 3. Lots of scheming goes on. Most of it is boring. Hey, anyone else read in her biography that Natalie was once a missionary? Wonder if she saved or corrupted?
Tribal council, pretty standard "wow, I'm really worried these bitches will blindside me" talk. Cirie comments that it's scary wondering if it'll be a 3 person final or a 2 person final, and whether if it's 3 she'll be at the bottom of the totem pole. For some reason, Amanda gets her back all up on this and they have a little 'we've been spending waaaay too long together' spat. Natalie enjoys the show. In the end, though, the lone fan is voted off.
Back at camp, Amanda has a hissy fit, fights with Cirie (who is the bottom of the 3 person totem pole, frankly), cries about how she came right to Micronesia from China and hasn't had a decent American meal in way tooooo long (unless you count Ozzy...).
Next morning all is forgiven and they decide to let the chicken out. I forgot about the chicken. Clearly there is way too much food in Survivor these days. The chicken hangs around camp waiting for the next hormonal explosion. And, it comes pretty quick as they go to get what they think is their final meal, and instead find tree mail indicating they have to take that OH SO FRIGGIN BORING walk down memory lane and try to remember all the former Survivors whose ass they've kicked, and try to say something nice about them all. Me? I'd be like: Mikey B-loser, Chet-gay loser, Kathleen-crazy ass loser... Then they have to go to another immunity challenge. Amanda starts crying again.
Final Immunity Challenge: they have to balance a silver ball. Wow. I guess the balance a spoon on your nose challenge would have been too hard? Parv lasts about 2 minutes, mainly because SHE'S NOT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE (have you NOT been paying attention??). Cirie and Amanda take it to the end where Cirie loses concentration and Amanda wins immunity. Let's just skip to tribal council. Cirie is voted off.
The jury now gets to ask it's questions:
Eliza: Parv-are you a mean person? Um, nooooooo.
Jason: Amanda: were you in on Ozzy's vote off? Parv: do you have any redeeming qualities?
Alexis: P: what makes you a better role model for young girls (huh? shouldn't they be in bed by now?) A: what part of your game has been genuine?
Natalie: P: how does playing the flirt card translate into the bedroom (Eliza looks SHOCKED at this very weird question) and what are you doing later? A: was a glazed zombie pageant girl look your strategy? (no, actually that was Chet's strategy)
Eric: Rips A a new one, no question for Parv
James: A: you're da winner
Cirie: A: why that skank Parv?
Ozzy: Still truly hurt, bags on Parv. Still looooooovvvveeeesss Amanda, especially now that she's one step away from the million
Zoom. We're in LA for the reading of the votes. Jeff's hair looks like shit. Anyone else notice that? Pan over to Amanda. WHOA. She's been making up for missed meals. And, once again ladies, wearing fluorescent green DOES make you look larger than life. Final vote, by a 5 to 3 margin, Parvati wins immunity.
PS-is it me of did Johnny Fairplay's daughter look EXACTLY like a monkey?
We start with a loooong recap, and reminisce about the all girl power/hormonal alliance. Lots of "let's stir the pot ladies" which is getting on my nerves and it's only 8:05. Ok, ok, you're witches. But we already knew that months ago.
Parvati and Natalie have a heart to heart, Cirie and Amanda spy on them from the beach. Cirie is getting a little paranoid. The four girls set off, ready to face each other in the challenge. Jeff is in shorts again. daaaammmmnnnnn.
Challenge: this is the perch on a log, raise a key, swim to shore, unlock a chest with ladder rungs that are some kind of puzzle pieces. Oh, wanna know what you're playing for? Personally I'm hoping it's a night of wild probsting, but alas Jeff is still sticking with that former Survivor tramp of his. Actually this is an immunity challenge. First one up on the platform WITH THEIR LADDER RUNGS INSERTED CORRECTLY wins. Natalie gets her key first, followed by Parvati. They rush off to the beach. Amanda gets her key, confirming once again to me that the presence of Cirie's breasts hinders her in challenges. Cirie gets her key.
Natalie gets an early lead with the ladder but Amanda wins the challenge and immunity. Back to camp and Natalie and Cirie both try to figure out where they fit into the final 3. Lots of scheming goes on. Most of it is boring. Hey, anyone else read in her biography that Natalie was once a missionary? Wonder if she saved or corrupted?
Tribal council, pretty standard "wow, I'm really worried these bitches will blindside me" talk. Cirie comments that it's scary wondering if it'll be a 3 person final or a 2 person final, and whether if it's 3 she'll be at the bottom of the totem pole. For some reason, Amanda gets her back all up on this and they have a little 'we've been spending waaaay too long together' spat. Natalie enjoys the show. In the end, though, the lone fan is voted off.
Back at camp, Amanda has a hissy fit, fights with Cirie (who is the bottom of the 3 person totem pole, frankly), cries about how she came right to Micronesia from China and hasn't had a decent American meal in way tooooo long (unless you count Ozzy...).
Next morning all is forgiven and they decide to let the chicken out. I forgot about the chicken. Clearly there is way too much food in Survivor these days. The chicken hangs around camp waiting for the next hormonal explosion. And, it comes pretty quick as they go to get what they think is their final meal, and instead find tree mail indicating they have to take that OH SO FRIGGIN BORING walk down memory lane and try to remember all the former Survivors whose ass they've kicked, and try to say something nice about them all. Me? I'd be like: Mikey B-loser, Chet-gay loser, Kathleen-crazy ass loser... Then they have to go to another immunity challenge. Amanda starts crying again.
Final Immunity Challenge: they have to balance a silver ball. Wow. I guess the balance a spoon on your nose challenge would have been too hard? Parv lasts about 2 minutes, mainly because SHE'S NOT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE (have you NOT been paying attention??). Cirie and Amanda take it to the end where Cirie loses concentration and Amanda wins immunity. Let's just skip to tribal council. Cirie is voted off.
The jury now gets to ask it's questions:
Eliza: Parv-are you a mean person? Um, nooooooo.
Jason: Amanda: were you in on Ozzy's vote off? Parv: do you have any redeeming qualities?
Alexis: P: what makes you a better role model for young girls (huh? shouldn't they be in bed by now?) A: what part of your game has been genuine?
Natalie: P: how does playing the flirt card translate into the bedroom (Eliza looks SHOCKED at this very weird question) and what are you doing later? A: was a glazed zombie pageant girl look your strategy? (no, actually that was Chet's strategy)
Eric: Rips A a new one, no question for Parv
James: A: you're da winner
Cirie: A: why that skank Parv?
Ozzy: Still truly hurt, bags on Parv. Still looooooovvvveeeesss Amanda, especially now that she's one step away from the million
Zoom. We're in LA for the reading of the votes. Jeff's hair looks like shit. Anyone else notice that? Pan over to Amanda. WHOA. She's been making up for missed meals. And, once again ladies, wearing fluorescent green DOES make you look larger than life. Final vote, by a 5 to 3 margin, Parvati wins immunity.
PS-is it me of did Johnny Fairplay's daughter look EXACTLY like a monkey?
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