Survivor: We've Found Our Zombies

Hello!!  And welcome Spring you elusive fucker. 

So yea, I blew you all off last week.  Deal with it.  Sometimes you need to miss someone to understand how important they are to you.  On THAT week, the tribes were "merged" into 2 with a "schoolhouse" draw.  One is Apari, which means crappy old school video game in Cagayani, and the other is Solana, named after a tanning salon Jeff Probst frequents because he can go nude and not get recognized. 

Aparri, is now made up of Spencer, Kass, Latasha, Sarah, Morgan, Jeremiah and Alexi- so 3 brains, 3 beauty and Sarah.  Solana tribe, is Cliff, Woo, Tony, Trish, LJ, Jefra, Lindsey and Ton, so basically the brawn tribe plus beauties LJ and Jefra. 

The Solana tribe lost the immunity challenge, and Tony masterminded the removal of Cliff. 

And following that, upon return to camp Trish starts in on why they had to bamboozle Cliff and Lindsay wants none of it.  An epic rant follows with her telling Trish how much she disgusts her, how she has a big horse face with a horse pair of teeth.  LOL.  The two of them go at it, Trish telling Lindsay she has no chance and no alliance now.  Tony steps in and Lindsay storms off to the beach alone.  For a while.  And, then.......cue the night vision goggles and Oprah Probst who comes to sit with her while she babbles on about how she can't do this anymore, can't stand Trish and wants to leave to show her daughter how to remove yourself from a situation with dignity.  Of course, always wait until you've called someone an ugly horsehead to show dignity.  She doesn't want to flip out on Trish (OMG, Mark Burnette totally got hard at that thought), so Jeff lets her walk away.  So she can be the bigger person.  LOL.  And this woman works with sharp scissors every day??

Jeff goes to the tribe and tells them Lindsay quit.  Which causes...no real upset.  Tony: Turn the head and the body follows.  LJ, in typical beauty person, calls her a zit that was gonna be popped. 

Off to the Challenge where Jeff announces Cliff and also Lindsay are gone.  And they're totally happy.  LOL. 

It's the dropping buddha challenge.  2 people in the ring together, and first buddha to hit the ground loses.  I'll spare you the boredom.  Solana wins, meaning Woo and Tony get to go to Aparri and steal stuff. 

Ya know, I gotta say, Tony is really playing this game.  Not sure if it's gonna last (Sorry JEFF) but he is really working it.  He and Woo (who is a disappointment to me so far in his lack of wicked smart asianness). go and take comfort and fishing stuff.   There is also a clue for them to find an idol back on Solana beach, but Tony decides to mess with the tribe and they tell Jeremiah that it's a clue for one person on Aparri to an immunity idol.  Thereby placing a giant target on his back.  He reads the clue and realizes that it's the same one he had for the other beach  but Tony runs back and gets the clue so he can't prove that. 

And now everyone is suspicious of Jeremiah.  He points out that since they lost the challenge, why would there be a clue for them??  He tells them the clue is for the other island but nobody believes him. 

Back on Solana, Tony is flying on a super high.  Like CRAZY SUPER HIGH.  He tells the tribe what he and Woo did, basically says I LOVE YOU ALL, MAN.  Tells them he's really a cop and that for the first time THIS IS MY TRIBE.  So basically, as LJ points out, to prove that he's totally loyal to us he tells us he's a liar??  It apparently works on every else though.  Trish says she has a confession too, that she's really a man.  AND WHO ELSE THOUGHT JUST FOR ONE SECOND IT COULD BE TRUE????? 

Challenge.  Build a staircase, go through a maze, down a bamboo slide, untie a key to get a machete, cut a cord to get puzzle pieces, do a puzzle and use the answer to unlock your flag.  Whew. 

And they're off and you are TOTALLY GOING TO WANT TO GO BACK TO THE DVR AND WATCH THIS PART, because I SWEAR TO GOD when they all slide down the bamboo slide they leave a big long shit stain.  Collectively.  LMAO. 

Tony starts telling his tribe the numbers Aparri get, and then Aparri totally falls apart.  Solana wins immunity and Tony yells 'FINAL 5 RIGHT HERE BABY".  And......Sarah is all WTF????? 

Back at Aparri it's decision time.  And they finally give Alexis air time.  Wil and I were both like, WHO THE HELL IS THAT PERSON???" The logic is that since Tony thinks he has the numbers, he also things someone on Aparri is going to align back again with them.  Sarah has convinced everyone she is done with Tony, so strangely they don't consider her.  Since Woo and Tony gave Jeremiah the clue, they think maybe that's who they are bringing along.  Alexis thinks that and tries to lobby the brains to get rid of him.  The Brains and Sarah huddle and figure it should be one of the beauties who might be in alliance with LJ or Jefra.  It comes down to which is perceived as the biggest threat.  Kass points out that the brains have finally found the bodies to go with their brains, calling the brawns the zombies who they can manipulate to do their dirty work. 

Tribal.

Jeff asks Kass if it is safe to assume that the three Brain tribe members are together, the three Beauty tribe members are together and that Sarah is in the middle. She agrees.
Morgan chimes in that the Beauty aren't that close. 
Kass:  Apparently the pretty people weren't living such a beautiful life.
Spencer points out that the point of this vote is to fix the fractures and come up with a unified tribe
Sarah points out that she has no alliance, especially with the "final 5" comment.
Alexis keeps pointing out that there is the chance that someone will flip when they merge.  Yea, LIKE YOU PERHAPS??
She keeps pointing to the idol clue Woo and Tony gave him, insisting it was a way to woo (no pun intended) him in NOT to put a target on his back. 
Sarah is just happy that she seems to be safe.  She says again she isn't going to flip back. 

Time to vote.  And, apparently Alexis, who I knew nothing about until tonight is a big threat and so is the next person off the island.  She's probably still crying about it. 

Jeff points out that it was a big, unified vote  BUT..... he starts to sing "how deep is your looooove".