Survivor- And we come to the final night.....

And just like that we come to the end of this season of Survivor!  For all of my bitching this has been an interesting season, not for the twists but as usual for the interpersonal drama.  Not to sound like Jeff but this is still a game and a world that depends on interpersonal communications, and misunderstandings.  It was good to watch the show and imagine a world (or just your little beach) without covid.  I think we are getting there and I can't wait so once again sit among unwashed stinky people again.  LOL.  But, as always, THERE IS NO WAY THERE ARE NOT HANDWASHING STATIONS.

So who's still kicking it on Viakana?  Xander, much to my surprise, Danny and DeShawn, Erika amazingly, Ricard and Heather who has had like 10 lines the entire season.  

Xander tells DeShawn that he gave an eloquent speech at Tribal.  DeShawn says it was eating him alive and he had to say something.  He is sad Liana is gone but he "believes in fate".  

Danny says he trusted Xander and he let him down.  Says they had their opportunity to get rid of Ricard, AKA TOM BRADY and they whiffed.  Xander says he needed Ricard around to be the shield and to have someone else people wanted out.  Now it's time.  Ricard says Xander is gone without Immunity.  

Heather talks with DeShawn about tribal.  She says it was heavy and she didn't know he was going through all of that internally.  He says he and Shan were acting like it was all good between them, but race is something that is always there.  Heather seems to truly be learning and I give her props for talking about it with him and becoming more aware.  This is what diversity is about, people just working and playing together and learning about each other.  She says she is glad it came out and that she wants this season to make a difference.  Unsaid is all of this drama has been a great shield for her.  

Erika tells DeShawn all of this effects her too and she understands the pressure because she voted Liana out yet there hasn't been a female survivor winner in a while.  She says people just want heroes that look like them.  

OK. back to the actual GAME.  Reward Challenge- 2 teams.  It's a jump in the water, swim, dive and get buoys, then water basketball.  Wanna know?  A choice between grilled chicken and veggie OR cakes and cookies.  Or what I like to call, "what shall I have for lunch today??"  DeShawn is disappointed there was no mention of letters from home.  He says he doesn't need food (told you there was a vending machine) but could use word from home.  Jeff is all WTF?  LOL.  I like that these players now feel in the position to talk back to him.  

Team 1 is Ricard, Heather and Danny and Team 2 is Erika, DeShawn and Xander.  It goes about the way you would assume given the split.  For some strange reason (and Jeff points it out) Heather doesn't even bother to help return the balls to Ricard shooting.  Team 2 wins reward and DeShawn sees an opportunity to talk with Xander and Erika about getting rid of Ricard.  

At Reward Xander is all over the chicken and veg which is his normal keto diet routine.  Erika tells DeShawn they're thinking Ricard which is music to his ears.  Says "I'm down with y'all".  (He also says "I don't trust them).  

Back at the ranch Ricard and Heather go out looking for food.  When the come back Danny is still missing so the assumption is he's idol searching, LIKE EVERYONE SHOULD BE DOING.  He returns and Ricard thinks his vibe has changed.  We see Danny pass over an idol but don't see him find one.  Ricard though thinks he has.  He tells Erika and says they should assume he has one.  

Sunrise-they're all sitting on the beach.  Thankfully no yoga nutbags this season.  DeShawn tells Erika he sees a final 3 with her.  She wonders if people see her and Heather as the same.  DeShawn says that no, the 3 of them have different stories to tell the jury.  DeShawn explains to the camera that he was planting the seed of getting rid of Heather.  

Immunity Challenge- Spin to uncoil a rope around their waist, them do an obstacle course dizzy followed by a puzzle.  Guess what?? Ricard wins immunity and is guaranteed final 5.  Erika is all damnit.  What's plan B?  

DeShawn and Danny commiserate.  They don't exactly say "those white folks are idiots" but it's pretty close.  Danny is especially pissed off since he knows they missed their chance.  Ricard asks Danny if he found an idol and he says nope but people assume I did.  Ricard decides to look in his bag and doesn't find an idol but knows it could be hidden given PEOPLE GO THROUGH YOUR STUFF.  

Heather points out that DeShawn was close to winning, and Xander points out Danny was also close.  It's a huge decision.  He points out that Ricard has the best resume and they need to keep people who could ultimately beat him.  Must be hard for Heather to hear.  LOL.

Erika suggests splitting the vote between Danny and DeShawn.  She knows DeShawn is likeable but she's aligned with him.  Ricard thinks they could beat DeShawn easier than Danny. Ricard is nervous about the relationship between Erika, Heather and DeShawn.  

DeShawn and Danny talk.  Danny tells him, since one of us is probably going home it's time I told you I'm a former NFL player.  LOL.  Says he played for the Cowboys and the Bears.  It's actually a cute moment.  

Tribal

Jeff tells DeShawn he crack him up grinning at tribal!-DeShawn says he's still happy to be there.  He says right out there that the 4 are going to split their votes for he and Danny.  

Ricard says he and DeShawn had a good day and yes he could still vote for him.

DeShawn says it was stupid for them to keep Ricard last week

Danny gets into it saying YES IT WAS SOOOO STUPID.  Say he's not mad at Ricard but at the people who KEPT him.

Erika explains that she and Ricard have a trust and that Liana voted for her once

Heather bristles and says being told we voted wrong is subjective.  She says the vote was for HER game.  

Xander is saying he's just trying to pitch to those you've voted out.  

Danny says if this is the end he's OK because he left his soul and he's proud.  

DeShawn says he's still proud if he goes...

Jeff interrupts to ask who's nervous about what he's going to say?

DeShawn tells Heather that Erika said she can't take her to the final.

Ricard says the gameplay truthbomb is an interesting strategy.  He wonders if it changed anything.

Erika says, "I'm sure Heather has thought of a game plan without me. She says to DeShawn "now I know I was right not to trust you..."

Jeff asks DeShawn if he just killed himself, given Danny was gracious.

Time to vote....idols?  Nope.  Has this been the season with more idols and less idols actually used??

Danny 3

DeShawn 3 (did they vote for each other??)

Revote-Danny is voted out.  

Jeff announces they go to a new island without supplies (but with a HAND WASHING STATION) and tonight we will have 2 immunity challenges, 2 tribals, 1 firemaker tie and 1 winner!

Good luck everyone but ESPECIALLY XANDER!!!

Giant Survivor Update

 CHRIST I hate when I got so behind I have no idea when we last talked.  It has been a few weeks and probably 27 twists.  Let me see if I can go back and quickly catch up in VIAKANA.  

So about 2 or 3 or 10 weeks ago  the yellow underdogs were trying to stir up shit, while Heather has emerged from the shadows to cause some drama. Shan is a pain in the ass control nut. The AAA (African American Alliance) is still convinced they’re going to final four and race glass ceilings will crack all over the world.  On the other hand Ricard is partially deaf and he’s trying to break the  hard of hearing ceiling. Again with these stories my husband turns to me and says “Christ it’s as bad as the Olympics”. 

Deshawn and Shan are butting beads as are Naseer and Heather.  My man Xander and Erika are just on the outs. 

The twist of the week is the immunity challenge will be done as 2 teams with each going to tribal. So they’re competing within their team and between teams. It’s also for reward- beef stew. (Strangely the episode was not sponsored by Dinty Moore). 

Group one is Erika, Shan, Ricard, Naseer and Heather. Group two is Deshawn,  Danny, Evvie, Liana and Xander. 

In group 1, Erika wins immunity, Group 2 Xander wins and he outlasts Erika for group 2 to win the stew. Group 1 has spend the night at the shitty old camp before tribal. 

Xander likes stew. 

Group one tribal ends in a tie between Naseer and Heather because Shan used her extra vote. Revote and bye bye Naseer. 

Tribal 2. Evvie is toast. 

NEXT

Ok, I started to go through my notes and do an update on the second of apparently 3 episodes I have missed and it comes down to this- is there a black alliance or is there not a black alliance.  Looooots of discussion.  Endless frankly.  

Reward challenge to break things up.  I can't figure out what it was because my notes say something something rope, something puzzle.  Winner gets to go to the "Survivor Sanctuary" and have pizza and a sleep over.  I don't even remember if there was a shower involved.  Ricard wins.  He brings Shan, Heather and Xander with him.  Danny thinks Ricard is playing the jury up.  

Back at camp the losers-Deshawn, Danny, Erika and Liana.  Danny and Deshawn go for crabs and discuss how they have to get Ricard out.  Does anyone on the black alliance think it's weird that Shan is ACTUALLY closer to Ricard??  They have a plan to take out Ricard and go to talk to Liana.  "Someone is gaining steam in the game". Liana guesses Shan....Erika.....they tell her Ricard.  Liana says she's struggling with it because she doesn't feel OK making moves without Shan.  

The Survivor Sanctuary has the decor of an old shipwreck.  Ricard and Shan do the love fest bullshit and discuss how they don't want to discuss the fact that someday soon they're going to have to go head to head.  Shan leaves doing that fucking cartoon humming.  

Back at the ranch Liana is happy to have her brain back.  Are we still final black 4?  They cry again about the instant connection they had up on the summit.  Shan asks if they talked about blindsiding her and Liana says, no Ricard.  Shan says, then we pick Deshawn off.  Shan tells Ricard they're gunning for him and that they are going to pick off Deshawn.  Ricard is surprised Shan would tell him.  Shan says it's not time for our curtain call.  

Immunity Challenge- Stand on a narrow beam and balance a ball on a stick.  Ricard wins.  Mwahahha.  Danny looks sad.  

Shan says Erika would be the simple choice.  Says they all vote for Erika but don't tell Xander so he uses his idol.  Ricard thinks instead today is Shan day (yaaaaay).  Ricard tells Xander and Heather, who are very cool with it.  They need one more vote.  Ricard goes to the double D's with it which surprises me.  DeShawn is unhappy that Shan snitched on him.  Erika is afraid that Shan will play her idol and it will be her going.  Danny says Shan pissed him off.  Hellooooo!! Erika suggests 3 votes Shan, 3 Liana.  Danny thinks that's a nice plan.  Danny wonders if they are getting played by Erika but Shan broke his trust.  

Tribal 

Xander, Heather and Erika discuss being at the bottom.  Shan says things resort after every tribal and you could go from bottom to top.  

Ricard says he and Shan have had a weird relationship from the start.  Shan says we are all liars but I don't remember the context.  She likes to make dramatic statements and get Daddy Jeff's approval.  

Erika says you can't not try in this game and she says " I have one vote to offer..."

Ricard says something about logically you'd get rid of the bottom people (would you??) but everyone has a different perception of who the bottom is.  

Vote.  Idols? Nope.

Erika 2, Shan 3, Liana 3.  Revote between Shan and Liana.  SHAN IS VOTED OFF!!  Who else did the hum song??

Shan says "DeShawn you are a snake..."  

AND FINALLY LAST WEEK....

Liana is upset that her girl (and shield, lets face it) was blindsided and the black alliance was blown up.  The Double D's say "It wasn't our plan", they turned on us.  

Xander is happy because he went from the bottom to the top.  "I'll do whatever for our 4"  Erika says Liana is having a bad night.  D and D said before she left Shan dropped a bomb-said Deshawn was a snake and that she would give her vote for a million $$ to Ricard.  Helloooooo,  she always was going to do that.  The whole black alliance thing was her hedging her bets.  

Ricard says DeShawn is confusing him-says he can't take ownership for the blindside.  DeShawn is ranting at camp and Ricard tells him to chill.  DeShawn says he was trying to process the vote and he thought exposing Ricard to camp would take him out but it backfired.  

DeShawn tells Liana they can still be a black alliance.  She thinks his lies about Shan are too hurtful and she wants revenge.  

They're eating rice and there's majestic music so you know some bullshit is about to be thrust upon us.  Aaaand here we go.  Danny says that it is the 25th anniversary of his Dad's death so he gets his olympic skating tragedy moment.  He says he has never gotten over the anger but sitting on Survivor he has made peace with it,  Seriously Jeff lives for this shit and the hallucinogenic  value of starvation.  

Immunity Challenge and a DANGEROUS TWIST and a decision based upon where they think they fit in the 7.  Challenge is another balance a ball thing, this time on rods held horizontally.  The twist is DO OR DIE and I swear to god someone better fucking DIE tonight the way Jeff is building it up.  The first to drop has to go to DO OR DIE at tribal where there is an instant chance you get axed from the game (and end up on the jury which is NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM DYING.  IF you don't die you're immune from being voted off.  Anyone who wants to can sit out the challenge and hence NOT risk fake death.  Heather and Liana sit out.  It ain't like either was gonna win.  

DeShawn drops first and may DIE tonight.  (rubs hands)  Danny wins immunity totally because he had that lil moment this morning.  Totally.  

DeShawn says he's content to die to night.  Double D says Ricard has to go.  Danny tells Xander that  the smart money is Ricard because he's won 2 challenges and is dangerous.  Shan is already voting for him.  Xander wants Ricard as his easy vote shield.  He asks what the alternative is, Liana?  Danny says THIS IS OUR RESUME.  
Christ I hate when we get to the burnishing our resume part of the season.  Xander trusts Ricard more than Liana.  

Erika asks Xander what he thinks. She says Ricard could beat them all but Liana once voted for her.  Ricard is a big threat and she wonders if they will get another chance.  Xander tells Ricard that double D is gunning for him.  If they stick together they're good.  They agree that Erika is getting shady.  

DeShawn and Liana tell each other they would never write their name down.  Sure you would.  

Tribal

It's all about the first all black alliance, all about society changing, all about bringing light to diversity.  Very noble and important tribal.  And I agree with all that they are saying.  I'm just not sure this is the forum.

Anywhoo, Heather is like, I don't really understand a lot of this but I'm sorry.  Jeff tells us that Survivor is a SOCIAL EXPERIMENT that's all about bringing people together.  Uhuh.  And then having them lie and backstab each other.  IT'S A REALITY SHOW JEFF.  THERE AIN'T MUCH OF THIS THAT IS REAL LIFE.  

Do or Die time and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD no one is really going to die tonight.  I am just so disappointed when Jeff leaves and comes back with 3 boxes and not a giant machete or a revolver with one bullet.  Cyanide in one of the boxes???  Please???  Nope.  One has a pictures of flame and two skulls.  He gets the flame.  Christ.  Life is so disappointing sometimes.  

They vote.  Ricard squeaks by with 3 to Liana's 5 votes.  But don't be sad because Shan and Liana get a slumber party for the next 2 weeks.  

WHEW!!!  I SWEAR I WILL KEEP UP TO DATE FROM NOW ON IN.  

Survivor: Yellow Submarine

 Yo yo yo!  Welcome to Survivor Advantage!  Where there are so many idols and advantages ya need a chart.  Unfortunately I do not have a chart.  If you do, please send it to me!!

The tribe formerly known as Yellow is in disarray.  They're all scrambin' and dealin.  Xander is wondering if he should trust Tiffany and Evvie (helloooooooo.  TRUST NO ONE).  Evvie is on a relationship recovery tour which doesn't seem to be doing well.  Deshawn is a complete NO on the issue, pointing out that they all voted for him!  Pretty sure they will not be joining the HISTORIC Black Alliance.  

Challenge- with a sit out advantage.  Anyone else find the fact that Jeff has to explain shit to us viewers directly creepy?  I guess it's to make us all feel part of the circus although a quick shot of the advantage on the bench would have been sufficient.  

Survivors are randomly divided into 2 teams of five with one person sitting out with no chance to win.  The challenge does have the required leaps, swims, climbs, pulls and puzzles,  Wanna know?  GRILLED CHEESE BACK AT CAMP.  Damn,  I almost made myself a reward sandwich while watching.  Erika AGAIN gets excluded as the sit out person but Xander, eager to kiss any exposed ass, asks to switch with her since she hasn't eaten in days.  Xander apparently assumes there is an advantage but although we see him looking he fails to find the scroll that says ADVANTAGE.  The blue team consists of Danny, Ricard, Deshawn, Erika and Evvie and unsurprisingly with al the muscle KICKS ASS. They are way far ahead getting to the pyramid giant ball puzzle which Evvie finishes in a hot minute because she built one with beads and practiced.  So, GRILLED CHEESE AND CHIPS FOR THE BLUE TEAM!!!

Tiffany is annoyed she is SOMEHOW on the losing team again.  Funny that!  Shan and Liana are crying about the grilled cheese.  Shan is HANGRY and taking it out on Evvie.  Xander says he basically sat out because the challenge losers are always eager for allies.  And Shan and Li approach him.  Loser Naseer goes out and finds papaya and the losers all try to convince themselves that it is DAMN GOOD PAPAYA.  

Returning to camp and picking American Cheese out of his teeth, Ricard helps himself to a piece of papaya which is SIMPLY NOT DONE.  Shan is REALLY REALLY HANGRY NOW.  "That says it all, that's character right there".  

Ricard is kind of incredulous that he is on the outs because he attempted to hoover up the starving players food.  Sarcastically tells people "If you get food at a challenge YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.  He's aware enough to worry if Shan will resent him.  

Immunity Challenge-it's the one where you stand on tip toes with a wood thing on your head pressed against the top and you have to stand there to keep the block from falling.  But of course THERE IS A TWIST!!  Jeff offers a portion of rice if one person sits out, but if multiple people sit out they can negotiate for more rice.  Shan is apparently the self appointed negotiator and she asks how many is multiple-3?  Jeff says 7.  The get that down to 5.  But only Shan and Naseer volunteer.  Heather says she feels she needs to compete and I'm yelling at the TV-c'mon  you're not going to win this challenge!  Xander asks if 4 people would work, volunteers to join them if another steps out  and Ricard sits out as well.  So they have negotiated 3 days of rice in exchange for immunity.  Kinda risky for Xander!

Jeff keeps telling them the last time they did this challenge it went over 2 hours, but within seconds Deshawn, Erika and Tiffany drop.  Liana, Danny drop next and it's down to Evvie and OMG WHAAAT??? Heather.  Evvie wins immunity in 4 minutes.  

Liana says that the Evvie plan is gone so she wants to force Xander to play his idol and for Tiffany to go home.  Naseer wants to split the vote to feel comfortable.  Deshawn suggests to Shan Tiffany and Naseer.  Shan thinks Xander is a bigger threat and goes into dog with a bone mode.  Deshawn gets annoyed with her and tells her he needs to know she is listening to her.  Shan smoothes things over but still wants to have her way. She says tell everyone it's between Tiffany and Naseer.  Naseer hears this and freaks out.  Says they can't use his name-suggests Heather.  Xander hears it and doesn't believe it's Heather.  Tiffany thinks it's her.  She asks Danny and he basically says "could be you".  Shan and Liana tell Heather they're just using her name and she blows up.  If they use their idols then I'm screwed.  

Tribal

Jeff asks if food is an issue.

Shan says her "pastoral heart" led her to try to get rice for the flock

Xander says it was a big move for him to reopen the negotiations because he wanted to prove himself to the tribe

Naseer says he gave his heart for the tribe even though he know he would have won

Heather says she is scared that she is on the bottom

Tiffany says same.  Says she is only one of 2-3 people kept in the dark

Danny says he's not sure either

Shan says really??

Evvie agrees that no one told her the plan either

Deshawn says that all 3 yellows were ready to turn last week, says he doesn't believe it

Evvie says they were going to let her go before she won immunity

Erika says we are all off balance because we don't know who is with who

Jeff says is it time to vote?  And Heather is like, wait aren't we going to discuss who to vote for?  I still can't decide if she's clueless or if this was strategy but she is trying to talk people back into Naseer as the alternate.  Now everyone is crazy again and Deshawn is mad that he's once again being told what to do by Shan.  Ricard tells Xander to play his idol.  Shan says she's talking to people the way THEY NEED TO BE TALKED TO.  That's going to sting next week....

Finally it's time to vote.  Any advantages or idols??  NO

Xander 2

Heather 2

Naseer 1

And Tiffany is gone with 5 votes!  

Survivor: Snowglobe

 Oooh, another SHAKEUP!! Another TWIST brought to you by someone clearly with a high COVID fever!  

Prior to the BIG TWIST Shan and Ricard are going at it because Shan is a control freak who wants to hold all of the idols.  Ricard is mad because she shook him down for the advantage before tribal.  Shan says it's MIIIINE, ALL MIIIIINE, ME WANTS THE PRECIOUS!!!!      Ricard reminds her they found it together and he could have just as easily opened it.  MIIIIIIIIIIINE.    

Ricard: I feel like you don't trust me. (Moderator: SHE DOESN'T)

Shan: Next idol is yours

Ricard: Thanks for permission to have ONE.

Tree mail A MILESTONE OF EVERY SEASON but lets have some "fun" first.  Wooohooo that must mean we are merged!!!

Yellow is all "we're totally a solid 4.....maybe 3....." Lianna is "chompin to flip the narrative"

Some on blue are uneasy because, having never gone to tribal, they have never had to vote and solidify alliances.  Naseer is ALL IN WITH BLUE.  Danny thinks there are big cracks.  

Jeff gets a candid shot where he tells US about the big twist (which I had to rewind twice to figure out).  There's no tribal tonight, and the winners will think they are safe and send one person away but also give them BIG POWER.  

Everyone is told they are now in the next phase and they can DROP YER BUFFS!  Everyone is happy especially those who have used their old buff to wipe their ass this morning.  You are now not EXACTLY merged.  There are no tribes but you have to earn your way to a merge.  

They have to draw rocks to split into 2 teams then do a challenge with a giant buried boulder, an obstacle course, keys, and a word puzzle.  The first team gets merge buffs and a meal and are safe.  The other team has to go to tribal or an immunity challenge then tribal??  I was lost here but I think Jeff was being vague.  2 players get gray rocks and don't get to compete.  

Yellow:

Xander

Heather

Liana

Tiffany

Shan

Blue

Danny

Ricard

Sydney

Deshawn

Evvie

Gray rocks Naseer and Erika.  

I'm sure you can guess by the split which team wins,  Blue kicks ass and wins.  They have to chose one of the gray's to join them and one to send to an isolated island for 2 days all alone.  They pick Naseer to join them and send poor Erika off to the island which I don't even think has a cute marketing name.  

The losers do get rice for one day while the other feast.  They all leave to go to their new camp.

Jeff asks Erika how she feels and she tells him she was pretty sure she was at the bottom anyway.  She's terrified of being alone on the island.  

At the feast Naseer is all happy.  Evvie asks if they like Erika or what that shit is?  Deshawn tells her that they've been watching Yellow knock all of the men off and they were concerned about the male privilege.  

Erika is scared to be alone.  She finds a little bit of rice and water.  She starts a fire and tells her story about being from the Philippines and living in Canada and how being on Survivor is like a love letter to her parents and as usual I'm like BITCH WE ALL HAVE STORIES.

Back on mergeland Xander is downtrodden and really wants to get to the full merge.  He's still stuck on the suck team.  Tiffany shows off her total lack of social skills by asking Shan if she got the idol in front of everyone.  Shan then talks to Liana about who has idols and who has advantages.  They're still all bonded.  Liana talk about what a pain in the ass Tiffany is.  Tiffany gets her panties in a wad about Liana and Shan bonding and leaving her out so she says she "may not have Liana's back".  

Everyone is bonding on camp.  There's apparently a black person alliance for the "first time".  Danny is worried Erika is going to come back with an advantage and a grudge.  

Erika is working on her fire and JEFF pulls up in a boat and sits down on the sand with her and for a minute I thought this might get kind of creepy and then I worried even more about this girl all alone on a isolated island and I was more afraid of the film/production crew than any animals.  Jeff pushes her buttons by asking what it feels like to be alone.  She tells him she feels left behind and is going to have to catch up.  Jeff tells her about the magic hourglass she has that allows her to leave the game as is OR to DRAMATICALLY shift the game by turning back the clock and changing who won the challenge yesterday.  She has to decide by tomorrow whether or not to change who the winners of yesterday's challenge was.  Erika thinks about how the 6 now safe were her original tribe, BUT she's clearly on the bottom of that group.  

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

Quick Survivor Update

OK, I have VERY IMPORTANT pottery work to do but I'm taking a few minutes to not disappoint y'all.  

Genie is mad she didn't know about Brad going home.  She pulls the FINE, YOU COOK AND CLEAN FOR YOURSELVES motto that EVERY wife and mother is familiar with.  I'M NOT YOUR MOM.  LOL.  SOOOO RELATE TO THIS.  Shan rubs salt in the wound by telling her SHE was really Brad's #1 AND he had an advantage he never told Genie about.  JD overhears her say that and is like, WAIT A FRIGGIN MINUTE.  Shan says "I didn't tell ya because that was BRAD'S stuff to tell.  

C'MON IN!  (As a side note you would not believe, or maybe you would, how many people on FB and Twitter swear they will never watch the show again because Jeff isn't saying Guys.)  Reward Challenge-I forgot those existed.  There's a ball you have to throw up on a track and then race to the end and catch it, then there's a dig for sandbags I think that you have to land on a perch.  Wanna know?  First winner gets a visit from a "Fiji expert" who will tell you how to catch food and shit, as if there isn't a Piggly Wiggly on Fiji.  Second winners get a fish to share.  

OK, basically Heather who has been totally under the radar absolutely cannot do the first part of the challenge and they have no chance.  She's I think 52 years old and acts 71.  Seriously I'm offended that the show put her on to make us 50 plus women look so bad.  I'm even say the bitch is lying about her age. Green is #1 and Yellow is #2.  Heather is all crying her 71 year old eyes out and everyone is being really  nice to her.  Deshawn and Danny tell her about games they lost and stuff.  Jeff has to get in on it by saying even though she sucked ASS at it she never gave up.  Heather says she let herself down but Danny says she gave 100% of what any 71 year old could give,  Jeff says this is why he keeps coming back (well that and the money)- the moments when people are vulnerable and then get love from their tribe, and THEN get their lazy asses voted off,  Good times!

Evvie now believes Jeff will one day congratulate the yellow tribe for going from the most losing to the most winning tribe in history.  Uhuh.  Tiffany wants to make sure people saw how great she was.  "Once you get the momentum it all starts to go your way".  Then there's this scene with baby turtles and a metaphor about never giving up and JESUS  I wanted to see a hawk swoop down and eat the little guy.

The expert Fiji guy is sadly not wearing fake clothing nor does he have a bone through his nose.  Frankly I think he works in tech.  Anywhoo he shows them how to catch and cook fish so now Ricardo thinks they can live without Mom Genie.  

Erika on Blue feels bad for Heather.  She also feels like she wants to WAKE THE GAME UP and do something RECKLESS.  For god sake they haven't even been to tribal!  She's telling this to Deshawn, frankly I think she wants to get reckless and have a little unprotected Island sex, but she starts bad mouthing Sydney.  Deshawn doesn't want Island sex AND now thinks Erika is snakey.  Deshawn runs to Sydney and tells her what Erika said and Sydney is all impressed that she's seen as the threat of threats.  Syndey is also looking to make A BIG MOVE, but I don't think it's Island sex.  "She hates me 'cause she aint me".  Gag.  Deshawn and Sydney tell Danny and they start talking like they want to throw the challenge and go to tribal.  Danny isn't completely onboard with throwing the challenge because THAT NEVER WORKS OUT RIGHT.

Immunity Challenge-no one ways the 3 way advantage special words and I'm all confused why they are ignoring it this week, other than the fact that NO ONE can keep track of all of these advantages and idols.  

Challenge is to race through the water, collecting 3 heavy bags of logs that will be fed into a log thing, pushing out a key that unlocks rings and HELLO we got ourselves a ring toss challenge!!  

D & D literally try so hard to throw the challenge and they are still too manly.  Yellow is literally crawling.  At one point Deshawn is tying and retying knots on the bags.  Jeff says Blue is acting like they are on a PICNIC.  Naseer steps up and RAMS those logs into the log thing like he does it every day.  Deshawn hopes to catch the key and lose it but Erika finds it.  Deshawn decides he can still throw it at the rings.  And Naseer jumps in again and starts drilling the rings.  I think there are a lot of traveling circuses in Sri Lanka.  Yellow comes from behind with ANOTHER WIN, followed by Blue. Deshawn is disappointed.  

Green to tribal and Shan is all mad about JD not being able to do the ring toss.  Genie says she's thinking about rolling the special dice and makes sure everyone knows it.  JD is in a tough spot and doesn't want her to roll it because he knows he's probably second choice.  JD tells Ricardo that Genie wants to vote him out.  He says he wants to be in an alliance with him and Shan.  Genie tells Shan she wants Ricardo gone.  Shan says she's trying to convince her it's JD but it's really Genie.  Shan decides to act really paranoid to get JD to give her his advantage again.  JD believes she's freaking out and agrees to give it to her.  HEY JD, OZZY WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THAT.  

Tribal

Genie says she is exhausted and it wasn't a good day for her

JD says tonight seems like a turning point

Ricardo says every vote hurts

Shan says we are all so close now (without laughing).  Says something about them even farting on each other.

JD says it's easier to play from your couch at home because the viewer has info the players don't.

Genie says she was blind sided last tribal, says she thought since they ate the magic reward fish that they would have energy.

Ricardo wonders if the 4 of them are 2 pairs or if it is a 3-1 like is seems

Genie says it's 3-1 and she's the 1. Throws out using the dice again

JD says he respects that but then you could lose our vote and mess up someone else who is willing to work with you. He winks at her and CAN WE STOP A MINUTE AND TALK ABOUT HIS HAIR??

Shan says going home before you have gotten to where you wanted to get would be hard

JD says he would lose the idea of being the big OZZY player .  Says he knows he isn't killing it but he still has boxes to check.

Genie says she will miss everyone and that they have bonded.  

JD says Survivor isn't supposed to be easy.

Time to Vote. 

Genie gets one vote and JD is VOTED OFF.  But don't be sad because YOU KNOW he has returning player written all over him.  

Survivor 41:3 How many idols/advantages are we??

 How many advantages and idols and steal a votes and lose a votes does it take to make it seem like this show has jumped the shark?  At one point I asked my husband-is this a new advantage or is this the original advantage and he just shook his head.  

So, Liana is crying because, I don't know.  Hungry?  She knows she fucked up by aligning herself with Tiffany?  She says she came here to play and wants to be a good player.  Try harder Li.

Tiffany declares she wasn't even going to get up today (why do I think she ways this EVERY day of her miserable life?) but she does and WHAT A COINCIDENCE she finds the beware idol.  Of course she doesn't notice it has the word BE-FUCKING-WARE on it, nor does Evvie and Liana who happen to see her find it.  Tif wasn't even going to share it with her alliance.  It tells her she has to sneak onto a boat tonight, go to another island and make a decision.  LOL, I'll let y'all guess which part of that will be the hardest for her.  Liana thinks not finding that note might have been her million dollar mistake.  

Braaaaaad is trying to sleep but all of the kids are up early and laughing, playing the social game.  Brad gets up like a hungover dad on a Saturday morning and immediately begins to do chores.  So of course he finds the second beware advantage, and knowing he already lost his vote because of the last one he just rips that sucker right open.  Wooohaaa, he's loving the game and all of the risks!

Sydney is sleeping and Naseer stands next to her and then tells her that Danny has to go.  I'm not sure which annoys her, being woken up by a creepy guy or the fact that he wants to get rid of Danny.  Sydney runs and tells everyone which always goes down well.  Naseer gets the Spidey sense he screwed the pooch on that one and apologizes to the tribe.  Sydney is done with him, having learned how to make fire and how to be a sales manager (I am 1000% sure he sells Verizon packages), and she wants him gone.  She's looking down as smoke is coming out of her ears and she sees the advantage package.  She opens it and is now scared of the challenge.  

JD is looking all over for an idol (are there regular idols?  I can't seem to remember) and he says they are all hard to find.  He thinks maybe SOMEONE HAS ALREADY FOUND IT and then he thinks MAYBE RICARDO FOUND IT, or SHAN.  Ricardo does find the original BEWARE advantage with Genie standing by.  They read it and realize that Brad has the other one due to his crazy comments about butterflies.  

Shan is looking for an idol using a map and I'm like THERE ARE MAPS NOW???  Do they have the ice machine listed on them??  Brad feels bad that Shan is still looking for an idol so he tells her about the ones he has.  She thinks, hmmmm should we keep him?  Apparently these tribes sleep on the beach without any shelter and man all I can think of is the bugs and shit that must crawl up your underwear.  He builds a fake body and sneaks away.  The other 2 girls also sneak away with a camera crew and a boat.  

Once they arrive they have a similar choice, but this time for a tarp or a steal a vote advantage.  If all pick tarp, all get nothing.  If all pick steal, they lose votes.  If they split it the steal person gets to steal.  I think that's right.  It tells them to act quickly to get back to camp before they're discovered.  Brad and Sydney tell Tiffany she probably needs to do tarp because there are only 4 people left she can't risk a lost vote.  Tiffany is all WHO SAYS I CAN'T RISK IT??  What do we want to do, play safe or PLAY SURVIVOR!  Let's ROLL THE DICE!!  Brad also wants to roll the dice and thinks there's no reward without risk.  Sydney doesn't trust Tiffany as far as she can throw her (spoiler, not far) and then Tiffany is not sure about her Animal House LETS DO IT speech, and she doesn't trust Sydney.....

The next day, Tiffany gets nothing.  Sydney gets nothing, and hence Brad gets to steal another vote.  

Immunity Challenge. Jeff asks HOW ARE WE DOING, and if you've been on twitter lately he better watch his pronouns.  Genie says WE GOT NO RICE DUDE.  Ricardo says broccoli are just little trees thing  and Xander says his butterflies speech. I think it's Ricardo but I'm completely confused now.  Apparently there are only 2 people for this 3 way advantage.  

Challenge is for immunity and for a fruit plate left over from Jeff's complementary VIP fruit basket at the Fiji Hilton.  It's a swim out, climb up, do a rope bridge, dig up sandbags and then throw them on little platforms.  Tiffany of course takes forever pulling her fat ass over the rope thing BUT she is the first to land a sandbag.  Blue wins first immunity and amazingly enough Yellow wins second. Maybe Voce was the missing link.  

Green has to go to tribal.  Brad is all against JD because he has oversold himself as Ozzy.  JD leaves to shit in the shallow poop pond but when he comes back it's clear he has something in his pants- get your minds outta the gutter it's his advantage.  Ricardo and Shan catch it and he is forced to admit to hit.  Shan doesn't trust him now and tells Ricardo they need to vote him out.  Ricardo thinks JD is a snake but now he's indebted to them.  Brad isn't trustworthy.  JD grovels to Shan that he's sorry and says he wants to play with them.  To prove his loyalty he offers Shan his steal a vote, or extra vote or whatever this one is.  She tells him he can have it back when he's not grounded.  She nows JD is now in her pocket BUT she also wants to vote with Brad.  

OK, Shan tells this story about how when she was 5 she had to decide which of her divorcing parent she wanted to live with and that is JUST SO DAMN WRONG AND TRAUMATIC.  Jesus Christ why would you ever put that Sophie's Choice type of decision on a child??  Sorry but that just upset me.  

Tribal

Shan says it's sad to lose

JD says yellow kicked their ass. He was SURE he would kill it with the sandbags.

Jeff says some crap about alliance vs strength and Ricardo says he's leaning more towards alliance than strength.

Jeff says, wow, someone must have lied to Ricardo.

Genie says he's never trusted me since the first tribal when I wrote his name down

Brad says that you have to trust someone in this game

JD says that he knows he lost people's trust and he gives some speech about a crystal and dropping your crystal, which isn't some stupid line he has to day for an advantage but some "deep thoughts by JD"

Shan says that sometimes when you drop a crystal YOU BREAK IT but I think crystals are pretty strong.  Sellman, you wanna weigh in here?

JD says he's heartbroken but says that in the long run things would be worse without him

Brad says what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and while I would agree I once had a coffee mug with that on it and I dropped it and that fucker EXPLODED into a million pieces so, dunno .  

JD gives his SURVIVOR SAVED ME AND MADE ME WHOLE speech says Ozzy and Wu made him who he is today and is why he wears his hair like Ozzy and why he wears his pucca necklace (as did every one of us over 55 years old).  And Jeff is all sad that no one wants to be him.  

Jeff says that's the kind of enthusiasm is why it's hard to snuff a torch and why we keep throwing idols at people who have the right look and story.

Personally it's all blah blah blah because ALL I WANT TO KNOW is if Karen and I are going to get Xander-the last alternate.  

Vote-any idols, advantages or sexual bribes?  No?  Genie you sure?  

JD gets one vote but BRAD GETS VOTED OFF and Karen and I are in XANDERLAND!!!!!!!

Survivor: Women are Stupid Edition

 Come on in humans of no gender specify!

Week 2 and boy what a completely different game.  NOT!  LOL.  

On green, Brad is "wiped out but can't nap.  JD calls him a lose cannon. 

JD and Ricardo head out together for water.  Brad doesn't trust them so makes a mad dash through the "jungle" to get ahead of them and make himself a lil spy bush to eavesdrop.  The girls back at camp see him dash off and just roll their eyes.  He overhears JD and Ricardo talk about a "him" who he guesses is himself since he's the only other male.  JD says he doesn't know if they can trust him.  Ricardo says Brad thinks JD has an idol.  Brad in the bush says he's a hunter and for some reason he closes his eyes when his prey is near so he sits there with his eyes closed.  JD says he feels better about his position than he did last night at tribal which leads Brad to think he totally has an idol.  Brad then runs back to camp and tells Shan what he overheard, and she promptly tells Ricardo.  Ricardo thinks that Brad is "totally playing the game" and that he has to go.  I hate this logic because THEY ARE ALL THERE PLAYING THE GAME.  

Over on Blue, Dehsawn is trying to make fire.  He says he practiced and the first time it took 13 hours (and that was with a match....just kidding).  He used a small knife at home and says it's much harder with a machete.  Naseer asks him if he can try and he starts fire right away.  We learn the sad story that got Naseer the Survivor interview is that he was born poor in Sri Lanka in a shack with no running water, and an outhouse.. "We were happy to have some rice and weggies".  Sydney thinks Naseer is essential-"initially we wanted to learn from him and give him the boot but he's growing on everyone".  

Over on Y they are looking for crabs.  I hope the production crew took the rubber bands off their claws when they delivered them.  Tiffany is already beat-says they have no food and have lost  2 challenges, in no small part to her ass.  

Liana and Xander are the only 2 left at camp and decide to go find everyone.  They split up and of course look for idols.  We follow Xander in the whole roped off animal free jungle and OF COURSE he finds the package Jeff stuffed into a tree because that always happens.  I seriously hope they at least got a lot of looking footage before the found it part.  It's the beware advantage which is possibly the dumbest thing Burnett and Probst ever thought up in a drugged stupor.  "If you take it it's yours but you have to do what it says".  Xander considers it for about 5 seconds and rips it open.  It's  a 3 way shared immunity-there's one on each beach.  To use it all 3 have to be found, and at each immunity challenge you need to say a stupid phrase and wait for the other 2 stupid phrases to also be said.  Downside is that until all 3 are found, Xander can't vote.  He tells Evvie and Voce about it, and also tells them that he has an extra vote from the first risk or protect thingy.  Xander and Voce discuss with Evvie whether Liana or Tiffany would go home if they lost the challenge.  Evvie, who is book smart and effing stupid, decides instead she wants to align with the completely stupid older woman who can't even remember strategy you tell her 5 seconds ago.  

COME ON IN!!!  HOW ARE YOU FINDING THINGS??

Xander says we're exhausted, we have no flint and I woke up delusional and thought dead butterflies are just our dead relatives saying hi!  Which is the secret phase he has to say for the beware idol.  I hope he gets a new phrase or that's gonna raise eyebrows if he has to use it again.  

Challenge is to dive into the water, swim, dive down and get a key, next person has to do an obstacle course that includes a balance beam, and and then they have to use the key to unlock and do puzzle pieces.  Wanna know?  Only the last team goes to tribal.  Team 1 gets fishing gear, team gets  little bit of gear and 3 gets tribal.  

It's so horrible watching Tiffany trying to shimmy her fat thigh across the beam.  She can't do it and goes back again and again.  To the point where the other 2 teams are doing the puzzle and she's still humping the beam in the background.  It's  hilarious.  

HUGE surprise, Blue wins immunity 1 and Green wins immunity 2.  At the end of the challenge, there's another "2 people have to make a decision thing" and the winning team gets to chose someone from the losing tribe, and then the second winners get to send someone.  Blue picks Evvie and Deshawn volunteers.  

Back at Yellow camp, Tiffany is sorry because HER SHORTS RODE UP ON HER and stopped her from doing the balance beam.  Nothing to do with her lame ass skills and fat thighs.  She tells Liana that "we only lost a few minutes" so we should totally still vote out Xander.  Please tell me I was not the only one yelling at the TV?  

Xander and Voce are apoplectic and agree that Tiffany HAS TO GO.  Xander says no one else said the secret line (please go back and re read that in a Groucho Marx accent), so they need a plan because he is without a vote.  Voce agrees they need a plan a because Tiffany is a liability. 

Voce talks to Liana and says they cannot keep losing.  Frankly at this point I think the girls want to keep losing to force a merge.  Liana tells him they can talk to Evvie when she gets back but that she's open.  Liana tells Tiffany that Voce said her name and Tiffany, like ever wrong idiot in America today, doubles down and gets angry that THAT JERK threw out her lame ass name.  Honey, all of Twitter stopped talking about Halloween Baking Wars and started insisting your ass go home.  Liana says that they need Evvie because Tiffany is all over the place and might do something (else) stupid.  Yea, great horse to hitch your wagon to.  

Evvie wants an ally on the blue tribe and works with Deshawn. She tells him obv the Yellow tribe is a hot pile of shit  but maybe they can help each other.  They talk about what they are assuming is another risk/protect choice and she tells him she has to protect her vote which allows him to pick risk and get the extra vote.  

Deshawn gets his cameo and tells how he was not a smart kid but wanted to go against stereotype by becoming a doctor.  I'm curious where he is in his medical school to run off to Fiji.  

Deshawn asks Evvie who is going tonight and she tells him although everyone will think they are effing insane, they are planning to get rid of Xander.  She asks him if he knows how the idols work this season and tells him about the beware advantage-which I'm not sure makes one want to find it or NOT to find it since you lose a vote until all are found.  

So, yes it is another Risk/Protect and Evvie chooses risk.  

Upon her return, Voce tells Xander he talked to Liana.  Evvie returns and tells them she protected her vote.  The girls have a meet up and decide to blindside Xander and then have the girls in charge of the titanic on the way down.  Evvie tells the guys she's cool with Tiffany.  Tiffany begins to lose her mind, unable to understand how the votes will work, and worrying about someone having an idol, and how it should instead be Voce.  

And I'm yelling WHY ARE YOU KEEPING HER??

Evvie has a moment of panic the 3 rd time she has to go through stuff with Tiffany.  She tells Liana she's having second thoughts and tells her they have another option...

Tribal-Jeff does some pre-tribal whispering reminding us that it's either strength or loyalty.  Ah, yes but Jeff it could also be blind stupidity and Evvie just wanting to be in control of a flaming bag of dog shit.  

Jeff bullshits about congratulating them on being vulnerable, which is stupid and he just needs to MC and not get involved.  

Tiffany says she's HUNGRY, and mentions at one point she just wanted to lay down.  VOTE HER ASS OFF.

Xander says it's raw and it's happening live and they are not sitting on the couch in a pandemic anymore.  

Voce agrees that it's humbling to be there especially since "I'm an important neurosurgeon" who apparently sometimes makes mistakes and people end up on life support JUST LIKE THEIR TRIBE.  TOTALLY the same!

Jeff asks him how he knew 1/6 was 16.6666% because apparently Jeff is still trying to work that out with paper and pencil, plus a bag of shells.  

Voce says he really isn't that smart, that many non neurosurgeons could figure that out and that he had a SINGLE MOM (ding!) that gave him drive.

Liana says they are trying to figure out where they are bleeding.  FROM YOUR TIFFANY HOLE YOU IDIOT

Tiffany says it's not just about challenges but she is KILLING it at the social game.  

Evvie says they don't even know if there is going to be a swap but if there is, this stupid windbag is where we're putting all of our chips!  

Xander says it's juggling loyalty with someone to get you further. He points out there may not be a swap!  

If there was ever a time for someone to pull Evvie aside at Tribal and yell WAKE THE FUCK UP in her ear, tonight is the night.  

Time to vote

Tiffany gets one vote and VOCE gets blindsided.  These women are stupid.  

Survivor Season 41 Week 1!

 Welcome back!!  Season 41 begins with Jeff telling us how tough this season is going to be.  No rice, DANGEROUS twists, a beware advantage and penalties for losing.  There are 3 small tribes and the game is only 26 days long.  We begin on a barge and the tribes have to find their oars, jump off the boat and paddle out to get the one flint.  Only one tribe wins.  Jeff is seen shoving an idol (or an advantage) into a tree and says there is one on each beach.

Sounds simple?  The yellow group (which is called UA) never finds one of their paddles so no flint for them.  Even more embarrassing, the blue tribe (called Luvu) never unhooks their anchor so they're paddling and going nowhere while the green(Yase??) tribe paddles out and gets flint.  

Somehow they all get to the beach with Jeff, and apparently the top issue this season is whether or not Jeff should use the term "COME ON IN GUYS".  Everyone is all "whatever dude that's the least of our problems".  Jeff then explains that the cargo ship with all of the props is stuck back in LA so, no rice and they only get 1 pot, a machete and a flint this season.  And then we begin to get to know these people and what pathetic story they've used to get on the show this season (side note- at this point my husband said, "Christ, it's just like the Olympics".  Sara is about 12 and her grandmother died on COVID, Brad is a cattle rancher and HIS dad did of cancer a week before the show.  I'm sure we have a million more stories to come..... But let's meet everyone first:

Green Tribe, UA

Brad-Cattle rancher.  This is my loser and I'm already hoping for an alternate.  This dude has ZERO personal skills.  

Genie is a grocery clerk, which explains why she'd do anything to get out of that high stress COVID job for a month.  She tells this story about how she's gay and when she told her mom her mom gave her a diamond to go get married to her partner.  I have zero hope for her lasting either.  

JD announces that he spent a month making fire and I stood up and cheered.  Finally!!  JD says he was a short skinny kid growing up bullied and wants to be Ozzy or Wu.  Claims he wouldn't be "the guy" without Survivor.  

Ricardo is a flight attendant.  Again, another COVID hell job that makes sitting on a beach getting your balls bitten look good.  He tells some story about meeting his partner who is currently trans and pregnant (I think that's what he said) and they have an adopted kid or two?

Sara is young.  I didn't learn much else about her. LOL

Shantel is the meanest pastor you could ever meet.  Not sure what kind of a church she has but it's scary.  

Yellow Tribe (Yase or some shit)

Abraham (his name is actually Eric and he totally threw me for a loop when we started because I thought I hadn't assigned him to anyone.  He's 51 and a cyber security guy.  I feel like there are a lot of older people this season.  

Evvie is a nerdy PhD student who is either going to be gone early or who will be there at the end IMO.  

Liana is another college student.  I'm wondering if they got zoom time to go to class.  She is totally under the radar I think.

Voce is another one who can't go by his own friggin name.  I had him a David.  He's a neurosurgeon and I'm really curious how this is going to work since also in my opinion these are the worst doctors.  He's also a short guy which probably means a bit of napoleon going on. 

Tiffany is a teacher who is probably also happy to be on Survivor and out of the whole zoom school thing.  Her sad story is being on of the first to have a pre-emptive double mastectomy and c'mon who else looked at her breasts when she said that?  SPEAKING OF WHICH, Jesus Christ I know last spring we couldn't all go shopping for new sports bras but man, this season has the worst batch of ugly bras I've ever seen!!

Xander really is Ozzy 2.0. He's 21 and an "app developer".  

Blue Tribe (Luvu)

Danny-ex-NFL player who spent the pandemic rewatching old Survivor seasons.  

Deshawn is NOT an NFL player but is a medical student

Erika-is tough little thing

Heather is a 52 year old stay at home mom.

Naseer is a sales manager and is as swarmy as you would expect a sales manager to be. 

Sydney is a law student who has been to 49 countries and wears a lacy bra.  

Ok, so first thing they get to when they get to their beaches is a challenge- "Savvy or sweat".  They can either solve one of those FB type "how many triangles do you see" puzzles or two people can fill 2 barrels of water-carrying it a distance- with an hourglass giving them a max of 4 hours.  They only get one guess on the triangle thing.  If they fail either challenge they get no supplies until the immunity challenge.  

On yellow, the neurosurgeon Voce is against the water thing because it will spit the tribe and allow 2 people to bond but he knows he'll look like a weeny if he says no.  So he ends up doing it with Eric I think.  Voce cramps up doing it and is basically a whiney bitch.  Back at camp, Liana and Evvie bond.  Evvie is Haaaavard PhD candidate studying genetics.  Abraham has already decided he needs a "fall guy" and talks up getting rid of Tiffany because she jumped into the water at the barge without getting any oars.  

Blue has Deshawn and Danny unsurprisingly do the water thing.  "We're too dumb to count triangles".  D and D decide to take a break in the middle of getting water to look around for idols.  Naseer catches them looking around and runs back like a bitch and tells everyone left at camp what he say.  Then he says "Let's all be final 4".  LOL.  You always know who is most insecure of their abilities when they want to commit immediately.  

I literally have no idea who did the water thing on the green tribe.  No idea why I have no notes.  LOL.  The whole challenge was a massive waste of time because even the guys who went idol searching managed to finish in the 4 hours.  JD and Sara did manage to find time to bond over being young.  JD wants to play a social game and "get to know people".  He talks to Ricardo who tells him "you and me dude" but then tells the camera that JD is "here to play" and is untrustworthy.  Shan, Sara and Ricardo agree about JD.  Shan tells everyone she's with them and is working everyone.  

Xander tells one of the D's about Naseer saying they were looking for an idol so, HE NEEDS TO GO.  

Each beach gets a boat visitor and a note saying "1 person has to get on the boat".  Danny volunteers for blue, Xander for yellow and the Green tribe pulls rocks out of a bag and JD is chosen.  Sara says "all of us wanted to go".  JD is worried about what happens on camp while he is away.  

They all meet up on the boats and it's all "w'sup BRO?"  They all, of course, brag about what sport they excelled at-Danny says he played for LSU, JD was a track star and Xander, the app developer is like, um, I played some recreational sports and you KNOW it was hackysak or Wii bowling.  So they get dropped off at an island and have to walk to the summit where there is a sign saying "you will now separate and make a private decision".  They climb back down and come upon a ships wheel.  "protect your vote or risk your vote".  They all have to decide independently and secretly. If they al decide to protect their vote there's no danger.  If they all pick risk, they all lose their votes.  But it if's a split decision, those that pick risk get an extra vote while those that pick protect lose their votes.  I think that's the dealeo.  Everyone instantly says OH IT'S THE PIRATES DILEMMA but I have no idea what that means.  Xander thinks JD and Danny are going to play hard.  Danny says he's picking protect because he doesn't want to risk their loyalty.  

They return to camps and of course everyone knows they had a chance for some advantage and since they're not holding a bag of rice, most assume they have an advantage or an idol.  On yellow Xander tells them the truth about what happened and says he risked it.  Evvie thinks that was a smart choice.  Yellow seems to believe Xander.  Danny on blue also tells what happened and that he chose protect.  Heather at least believes him.  JD sits down and tells them what happened in a dramatic way and tells them to go through his bag.  He tells the story like he's a big hero and that 2 people had to pick the same for it to happen, and that he picked protect.  He thinks he "sold it well".  Ricardo though doesn't believe him.  

OMFG clearly Mark Burnett needs to make up for lost revenue because the number of commercials is ridiculous!!!

Immunity Challenge: COME ON IN GUYS!!  

Ricardo says, "um, about that Jeff",  He says the world had changed and he thinks Jeff shouldn't be using "guys" which is TOTAL WOKE BULLSHIT.  lol.  Prove me wrong.  Jeff is like, 'I KNOW, RIGHT??  I'M SO TOTALLY WOKE AND WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW IT!!"  Jeff says "guys" is gone and now everyone on twitter is going to be saying "he caved" but I was on twitter and people were talking mostly talking about the HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE over on the food network. COME ON IN!!

Ok, so there's another new thing called the "shot in the dark" dice where you would have a 1/6 chance to be safe at tribal but have no vote. Everyone gets one.  

So the challenge is typical- race over and under obstacles to a sled and bring sandbags to somewhere, and then carry puzzle pieces on the sled up to a tower, then do the puzzle.  First tribe gets immunity and the 2 losers go to tribal (now aren't you glad we have 4 alternates??

And let me call bullshit right off the bat because the blue tribe has one sandbag fall off the pile and Jeff doesn't notice right away but then sends them back to start again.  Seriously I don't know if these tribes were randomly chosen but they are really unbalanced.  They yellow tribe is just old, fat, skinny and not real bright people EVEN with a haaaaavard PhD candidate.  

Yellow is just bad and out of it from the get go.  Green leaves a puzzle piece in their bag and can't figure the puzzle out while blue swoops in and wins immunity.  Aaaand, let the backbiting begin!!

Yellow- Liana and Tiffany want to take out Abraham.  The men all want to get rid of Tiffany.  Lil Voce says "physical is important".  Abraham tells everyone "when WE get rid of Tiffany we'll be better".  He tells Evvie.  Evvie tells Voce to not underestimate Abraham and pushes for keeping Tiffany because she'd be "loyal".  Evvie tells Tiffany that Abraham is saying her name but that he's the only one.  Tiffany says she's confident but she goes out looking for an idol.  And, c'mon, how big is this beach because she's looking RIGHT WHERE JEFF PUT AN IDOL.  She doesn't find it.  

On green, Sara is crying because the puzzle in the bag was apparently her error.  Ricardo is thinking Sara or JD.  He tells Genie that he's worried about JD being Ozzy.  Ricardo also tells Shan.  Brad tactfully says Sara or Shan right in front of Sara.  

Tribal

Yellow YO, GET YOUR FIRE WHICH IS YOUR LIFE 

Tiffany says this is a cohesive, harmonious tribe that loves each other.

Abraham goes right to "with only 6 people strength is important"

Tiffany says Abraham talks in circles.  Says come the merge (Jesus it's week 1!!) he'll bond with people

Abraham says I BRING THE STAMINA!!

Evvie says challenge strength is important

Voce says there is a 16.7% chance of the shot in the dark working and it's not great odds.

Xander says they've gotten a taste of loss but that this is a strong tribe.  

Evvie says after the vote they'll be more cohesive.  

Vote- and Xander gets an extra vote to be used before the last 6.  Tiffany gets one vote and Abraham is blindsided!  

Green YO GET YOUR FIRE WHICH IS YOUR LIFE

Shan says they're all full of joy and they have fire and shelter

Ricardo says it's all kumbaya and Chill

Brad says they'd give their pot to stay 

Shan says that when JD showed up without rice they knew he had an idol.

JD says he told them what his decision was.

Sara says she's skeptical.  She points out that she was ahead with the puzzle until the missing piece

Shan tells her there is no room for error

JD is answering a question and that whole uproar and talking during tribal thing breaks out.  

Sara is asking Ricardo and Shan what she should do, says Brad threw her name out to her face.

Ricardo tells JD to vote Brad.  JD tells Shan that's a bad idea.  Everyone is talking and Shan tells Sara not to do the dice.  Shan whispers into JD's ear.  

Brad, who is kinda clueless, says I thought we were all tight!  He asks,  CAN WE JUST VOTE??

Vote.  JD gets the extra vote advantage.

Ricardo gets one vote, Brad gets one vote and Sara is first off the green tribe!  

Whew.  I totally hate 2 hour shows!!!  And I'm not proofreading this so apologies in advance.