Survivor Week 4: Drop Your Buffs

If it's Wednesday afternoon you know I am furiously writing a Survivor update!!  

Day 10.  COME IN GUYS!!  But before we change the tribes, let's DASH Elayne Baker's hopes of winning the pool by having her "serious athlete" bail because of a little knee injury.  I didn't even get the Aussie medical dude to make me believe it was justified and now just "oooh, I'm eligible for some Oxy" lame ass excuse.

So, the for the rest of you it's an UNPREDICTABLE TWIST.  Drop you buffs!  It's a tribe re-sorting with the addition of one new tribe that gets nothing.  And apparently Exhile Island because the two people who left due to medical issues fucked up the numbers.    And LOW AND BEHOLD, each of the 3 new teams has a majority of Goliaths.  Totally random!  Who would have thought it POSSIBLE!!

We have the new Purple tribe called Jabeni (Jaboni???) consisting of:

Natalia

Mike

Angelina

Lyrsa

Nick

Orange (Vuku)

Natalie

Kara

Alec

Davie

Elizabeth

Green (Tiva)

John

Dan

Alison

Christian

Gabby

Carl gets to go to Exile Island.  

The new orange people are all excited because they have a GREAT BEACH!!  Why, it's almost like the producers decided to make have and have not tribes!  Alec is happy that "we have the numbers".  Davie, who was originally excited about the opportunity to "start playing the game" realizes he now must start befriending the Caucasians.  He makes some analogy to his driving a great car and how that will help him fit in.  Elizabeth, also on the bottom, starts bonding with Kara and talking about horses.  Natalia ain't happy about this horse talk and thinks Elizabeth and Kara are way too close too soon.  

Exile is probably the same exile that's been used in 7 other seasons.  There's a note that says something about catch me before I'm swept away, which Carl correctly figures out means all of the coconuts being swept out to sea.  He throws himself in (with his cowboy boots still on I think) and scrambles.  After the cameraman points the camera directly at it, he finds the coconut held together with blue string and gets an advantage in the game- an  idol nullifier, which is kind of a cool advantage but not really "just like the sling that took out Goliath".

On purple Mike realizes that they have the Davids of the Davids with Lyrsa and Nick and that basically their entire tribe is the bottom 5 of the game.  Natalie is throwing her considerable weight around and saying she wants Lyrsa and Nick GONE.  And then she starts ordering EVERYONE around.  Haven't we all worked for this kind of person that is soooo awful that everyone is looking at each other like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME??"  Angelina comments that Natalie just sits on her throne and tells the peasants what to do.  Nick immediately sees this and thinks he has found a crack in their alliance.  He talks to Mike about how crazy she is and tells him he wants to work together, calling this alliance Rock Stars!  

Finally, on green they have nothing.  Christian decides since he can't really do anything physical he will go with the Charm Nuclear Warfare which trust me, so far is working on me!!  He talks to John all about slamtown and John admits that he himself is kind of socially awkward.  Gabby gets upset that he's bonding with his DUDE BRO'S, and does her one trick pony of crying WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE to Christian.  LOL, the whole time they are having their "talk" they are being filmed in sepia.  She thinks they are all the cool kids at the lunch table, and she is only able to talk to Christian. Seriously, is he just being nice or does he think he'll finally be able to lose his virginity??

Challenge, and I realize we have yet to see many of these people in bathing suits.  2 tribes will get immunity but only the first tribe will get breakfast treats and coffee.  

It's one of those caller and blindfold things, this time with the caller riding on basically a wheel barrow being pushed by 2 people through a maze, and then a blind table maze.  Interestingly enough quiet Gabby is one of the callers, along with Kara and Angelina.  Gabby is really good at it, which isn't surprising given that she is a technical writer.  Angelina leading Natalie and Nick are horribly off course.  At the table maze it's Green flying through it for the first place win, and orange with a lead as purple is still working themselves back to the course.  Orange drops their ball, giving the purple tribe time to catch up and with endless tries at getting the ball in the last drop, Purple pulls it out and wins the mini immunity, sending Orange to tribal.  

Orange has to decide Davie or Elizabeth.....or maybe not.....Elizabeth realizes she has a 50/50 chance but she isn't giving up: Git yer butt in gear to find an idol.  

Davie already has the idol so he goes for plan B which is to tell Natalia that Elizabeth wants her out and he really wants to work with the Goliaths.  Natalia goes balistic and automatically says "she has to go".  

Elizabeth tries her hand at Alec, telling him he needs a resume builder BIG MOVE.  He's worried about showing his hand this early.  She tells him she's willing to add her vote for Davie.  Alec talks to Kara and Natalia about voting for Davie instead of Elizabeth but Natalia once again isn't having any of it.  He thinks that she doesn't trust anyone.  Natalia threatens him-if you don't vote with us you have no future.  

Davie taks to Alec and asks him if he really trusts these girls....

Tribal and Carl returns but has no vote.  

Jeff asks Natalia if it's clearly either Davie or Elizabeth.  Yes, we all decided.

Elizabeth says she's so concerned she almost pooped herself, but she can be loyal to anyone

Davie pleads his case and points out that Elizabeth has friends on the other side and a great story

Natalia is excited that the game has started.  

Elizabeth points out that in this modern era of Survivor one has to go down burning, and that big moves are important.

Natalia says that Elizabeth is desperate and that it's too early for big moves.  

While she is talking Alec gets up and goes to whisper in Elizabeth's ear.  Natalia says that she is TOTALLY PISSED OFF and has no idea what just happened.  

Alec them talks to Kara and Davie and Natalia asks ARE YOU VOTING ME OFF?? Kara leans over and says something to her and she says, "LET'S VOTE!"

Vote:  Elizabeth 1, Davie 1 and Natalia is VOTED OFF THE ISLAND!  Woohoo!!  Good riddance!!!  

Survivor Week 3: First Goliath to Go is.....

Welcome back to another fun recap of this season's Survivor!  I, for one, am already liking this show-mostly because I have figured out MOST of these people.  Still having trouble with the dark haired women though!  

Coming off last week's DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY, oh wait, BLINDSIDE!!  Davis is pissed that Big Bang Christian didn't tell him how it was going to go.  Christian tries to explain how Gabby got to him and Davie decides that Gabby is the dangerous one.  However, they rejoice that Mason-Dixon is in charge!!

Carl is crying he's so upset about Jessie, some young white girl he met 3 days ago and who has now apparently become his daughter in his mind.  He decides to avenge his non-daughter's honor he needs to "turn it up a notch".  Carl talks to Bi who says she's WIDE WOKE now!  She also blames Gabby and wants to take her out.  

The Goliaths have fish and it's all happy times there!  The wrestler says it's time to break out his old school human to human skills and connect with everyone.  He especially wants to work with Natalie who he thinks just wants to be  the boss bitch.  

Jeremy and Mike continue to be joined at the hip.  They go fishing and Jeremy is afraid to lose the fishing spear.  He tells Mike all about his father having Alzheimer and how sad it is that he is not able to see how much Jeremy appreciates him.  Mike believes that Jeremy is a person of depth BUT his actions make him look like a money grubber.  He doesn't want to be taken down with him in his inevitable flame out.

Gabby and Nick spend some time discussing John and "slamtown" and how much they want to meet him.  I guess they are big wrestling fans.  

Bi and Nick spend time bitching about Gabby saying how fast she got Jess out and how scary that is.  They want her OUT!

Jeremy is beginning his flame out by wondering why there are so many side conversations, what with all of the other potential activities when one is sitting on a beach without any technology to look at.  He wants to get to the merge but the side conversations are signs to him of "distrust".  He literally brings the tribe together to have a meeting about it.  He thinks they need to slow the game strategy down because there's nothing to talk about until they start losing.  Kara thinks he is paranoid.  Mike thinks he is the one spinning right now.  John and Angelina conclude that it's all just strategy to keep people wanting to get rid of Natalie instead of possibly him.  

Jeremy begins to spin about Dan and Kara being to close.  He runs around telling people that he found the idol in Dan't pocket.  John thinks this shows that Jeremy is playing too hard and he doesn't trust him.  

Challenge-and it's raining.  One person does an obstacle course, 3 people unbraid ropes and there's a sled and then a pyramid puzzle.  Wanna know?  Immunity and the Pier 1 Imports comfort stuff.  Goliath has to sit one person out and Natalie insists she wants to do the puzzle.  

Again Bi goes up against Alec but this time Alec gets stuck and loses time.  It all comes down to the puzzle just like you knew it would.  The Davids win immunity finally!!  Bi hurts her athletic knee.  Later she says something about spraining her MCL previously and she already has a knee brace.  Remember when they got one luxury item instead of all the luggage they can carry??  

Most people realize Natalie was NOT the best choice to do the puzzle.  Natalie says it is what it is!  She approaches Jeremy looking for her "support from her brother"...  He basically tells her to look elsewhere and says she has poor communication skills.  

Alison and Angelina talk and Alison thinks Natalie is digging her own grave.  Angelina thinks Jeremy is a better first choice because they can get rid of Natalie any time.  Angelina is really committed to getting rid of Jeremy and she talks to John and Dan about it.  Mike thinks Natalie is a demoralizer and is confused because he thought it was kind of a done deal.  Natalie tries to argue about Natalie but Angelina is pretty insistent.  

Natalie tries to plead her case to Kara and Dan but Jeremy comes up and sits down beside them and a fist ensues when he doesn't want to let her talk and she doesn't want to talk with Jeremy around.  It's a huge crazy scene with Jeremy going nuts and cutting her off.  

Tribal-get your fire because in this game fire equals your life.  It's really raining and there's crazy lightening.  

Angelina says that she always figured the lightening at tribal was fake.  

Mike says something about how he was enjoying sleeping with a tiny basket as a pillow and how his standards have been lowered. 

Jeremy opens the can of whoop ass by saying everyone gets along EXCEPT NATALIE.

Natalie tells Jeff that Jeremy has her as his target

Jeremy tells him that it's her against everyone else and that she's 58 years old and can't deal with people.  

Natalie tells him that Jeremy is ridiculous and completely un self aware of himself

Jeremy says he "guarantees" that if he died, 9 people who be crying over his body but if she died no one would come to her funeral.  Which to me seemed a bit extreme, LOL!

Dan points out that she speaks down to people and says she's used to being a boss but they aren't her employees

Ang says that she believes Natalie doesn't realize who she is being perceived.

Alison says there are no second chances to change people's opinions

Natalie wonders why all the vitriol directed at her?  Why am I a threat?  Says at 57 she is a senior citizen AND RIGHT THERE I WANTED HER ASS TO GO.  

Jeremy predicts that when they merge she won't be aligned with them and Natalie promises she is.

John says his goal this vote is to keep the tribe strong and move forward.  

Time to vote:  Natalie gets 1 and Jeremy is the first Goliath to go.  

David and Goliath Week 2

So onward to week 2!  And it's RAINING.  Team Goliath has no fire and everything is wet.  It's CRUSHING.  IS THE END IN SIGHT??":  LOL.  Day 3 I believe.....

Over on David, it's either morning or not raining somehow.  Anyway Nick and Christian chat.  Nick says he knows he was supposed to go home because no one is talking to him.  Christian says it's a good thing they didn't have to go to tribal because there is still "alliance ambiguity".  Nick thinks one of the girls needs to go.  Like, apparently just out of the blue if they don't have a penis let's vote em out.  Oh, and along with some misogyny we need a cool alliance name.  How about "mason dixon"?  Suuuuuure, why not??  

On Goliath they get tree mail- "it's been unrelentingly raining for 3 days.  Here's a fire making kit and a tarp, Love Jeff."  .  Jesus.  Remember whey they starved and had to jump into the flooded out campground to get half a bag of friggin rice??  Survivor kids today have it soooo easy.  

Dan still thinks he is living the dream.  Losing more weight on the Survivor diet, got a hot blonde girlfriend AND an idol!  Kara asks him where the idol is and he says, "over there in my jacket wrapped in a sock., No one will EVER look there."  Kara is starting to get the vibe that he's a creeper stalker and is being too obvious about their alliance.  People are noticing too. Alec thinks Kara is playing Dan.  

Natalie tells Kara to "chill out on the couple thing".  Kara complains to the other girls that he's too much.  They all check their dance cards and realize that each of them has a male alliance that they can control so they're in charge.  They decide to go for Natalie.  

Jeremy and Mike are bonding.  While Mike watches, Jeremy goes through Dan;s jacket and sees the idol.  He tells Mike.  Mike thinks he has gone from the bottom and now has new life in the game.  "info is now the advantage".

On Orange Davie decides his role is to be the provider.  And while he is providing he is praying and looking like a ninja.  He finds a strange string on a branch and them he finds the idol.  

Carl states that it was going to be Nick but then Pat went home.  He talks to the girls and mansplains to them that Lyrsa is the weakest and she should go.  You are the weakest link, goodbye.  Oh, sorry wrong game.  Elizabeth doesn't think that adds up to her.  She is in an alliance with Lyrsa and she "aint gonna sit back-git into gear!"  She tells Lyrsa what Carl said.  Lyrsa asks who the F won the first challenge??  She wants to confront him but realizes she can't.  But she wants him OUT.  

They're all frolicking and crabbing over on Goliath.  Natalie says they are all childish and she ain't doing any of that. Seriously, all she has done is snarl and sit on her ass the entire time.  The boys stand around and talk about her lack of social awareness.  John likes her and wants to be her secret alliance.  He tells her that they are all talking about her.  Natalie loses it and decides she isn't going out quietly.  Why the old lady???  I'm the weakest!!!  She runs around confronting everyone, says she's going to push things with Natalie Napalm.  

Jeremy tries to give her some advice.  Starts talking to her about her lack of self awareness and she argues with him.  "You don't have to define self awareness for me!!!"  She totally won't listen.  He says, she's been married for 24 years to someone who must love her so she isn't about to change her ways.  Ya gotta wonder what all of those young employees of hers are thinking watching this.....

Challenge, and yes that was a cyclone.  

Wanna know?  Immunity and a fancy fishing kit with a first ever POLE.  

The challenge starts with a 2 rung ladder where you have to stand on one rung and reach under and pull the lower one out and reposition so you can climb.  The Davids make the most ridiculous choice to have Bi do the challenge and she is too small to reach around and move the rungs.  They get crushed so bad in the part of the challenge.  Part 2 is a raft they swim out to get keys I think and part 3 is a pretty elaborate puzzle.  It's a blow out although the puzzle takes an hour to complete and surely there was time for David to recover. But no.  Goliath wins immunity again.  

Christian says it's time to pick the scab off all the boiling blood.  Lyrsa says it's like the Goliaths are invincible and SO DAMN LARGE.  Bi says that with her sport it's not about size but about finding solutions to the obstacles.  

Gabby approaches Jesse and Bi and asks who they are all voting for.  They say Lyrsa and don't want to discuss it any further.  "Simple and easy".  Gabby is upset because she is also one of the weakest and worries about next time.  

Lyrsa and Elizabeth talk.  Lyrsa is pissed.  Elizabeth asks, "why not Jesse??"  Lyrsa agrees because Jesse is the glue between Bi and Carl and getting rid of Jesse would get rid of that threesome.  They talk to Gabby who agrees.  Christian walks up and they hit him with it.  He's surprised how fast the game is going but happy because that's about how fast his computer brain goes.  He sits with Gabby who asks him if he wants to play with him.  In the sand??  No IN THE GAME.  She begs him pretty hard.  He talks with Nick about whether to go with the safe, easy vote of Lyrsa or the risky move of Jesse which will lay down alliance lines.  

Tribal

Lyrsa-yes I knew it was going to rain but not like this.

Bi and Carl both say everyone got all tight

Elizabeth says the crisis brought them all together

BUUUUT

Lyrsa says you could cut the tension with a knife. "I know I am on the chopping block" but I don't know why.

Jesse says that if you were waiting until tribal to start figuring out who to vote for you need to check yourself. It's a game for a million dollars

Gabby says she gets that but in fact they've all been playing all along

Bi states that her vote is on performance tonight and she's decided.

Christian waxes about how yes people are playing individual games at this point BUT there are not 9 targets,  The vote has been narrowed to a few choices.

Nick says something about it being a game of deceit and you need to balance trust with what will advance the team.

Christian says that we are too early for a merge to trust has to take a backseat to what will help the team succeed.

Jesse says the game has much more high nerves than she expected but it's also exhilarating.

Christian goes on eloquently about risk, excitement and roller coasters.  But I didn't write it down.  LOL!!

Time to vote!  

Lyrsa 4 and SURPRISE!!!  Jesse gets  votes and is gone!  WOW!!!

Survivor: Good People vs Douchebags

I never realized Goliath was a total douchebag that DESERVED to have his ASS kicked by David!  And, just like that, WELCOME to the first update on Season 495 of Survivor!  

Clearly we are all supposed to like the Davids-those who have overcome obstacles or something like that.  Meet some of our Davids-Christian who is a robot nerd.  So is Gabby.  Not sure what obstacle that means they have overcome except nerdness.  Meet Elizabeth who is one of 8 kids on a farm-apparently that's a big obstacle.  Nick is the kid from the trailer in the holler who is now a public defender. Ok, that one I get.  Pat had poor parents that lived paycheck to paycheck, and then his mom got paralyzed.  His dad is a fireman and no college for Pat.  

The Goliaths are the winners  in society!  Natalie is a winner!  And an angry black woman CEO.  Angelina went to ivy league schools (wonder if she LIKES BEER).  John is basically a wrestler who goes by a variety of different porn star names.  He travels around the world doing fake wrestling because that is what is WINNING in the world today.....Alison is a physician from an upper middle class family.  

They all meet on what appears to be an oil tanker and suddenly I'm excited thinking this season is gonna be in somewhere hard like Russia or the Arctic.  But, no, it's Fiji AGAIN.  Probably the only island country that still allows the show to be filmed on the beaches owned by Mark Burnett and that Touched by an Angel wife of his.  The winners are all smart assing and laughing at the Davids, convinced that "the cards are stacked in our affluenza favor".  Jeff spends an enormous amount of time talking about what is an advantage in this GREATEST SOCIAL EVENT EVER.  

He asks the rich kids to chose the weakest from David and they chose "the purple hair girl and the big bang theory nerd).  They also get to chose their strongest so it's the wrestler porn guy and Alison who must have known in advance that their color is royal purple because she's already 10 minutes in shedding her top and showing her purple victoria secret bra.  

The Davids get to pick which challenge each pair does from 2 choices so they pick crossing a beam, crawling under a net, and an 8 piece puzzle.  The Goliaths get a make a plank bridge, go through a net tube and do a cube puzzle.  The Davids kick ass because Big Bang dude once wrote a puzzle solving algorithm.  They get a big bundle of shelter making supplies.  

More people on Goliath-some dude who was on Amazing Race is apparently a screenwriter, A formerly FAT cop who claims he got fat because of all that free McDonalds food cops get.  His name is Dan and he's like most formerly fat kids that are now convinced they are the hottest thing around-already hitting on the good looking blond chick, Kara.  They have an 'IMMEDIATE CONNECTION" which made me check if I was watching the bachelor or Survivor.  She's a former NFL Cheerleader who is now a realtor.  So much WINNING!  

On David we meet Gabby, the tech writer geek.  She says they are scrappier people.  Does tech writing not pay enough to make her a winner??  Pat, of the paralyzed mom, is a property manager so he jumps right on the shelter construction.  He's ordering people around including the 2 African Americans wearing pink shirts.  We never really hear their story so I guess on Survivor just being  minority makes you a David.  I looked them up-older guy is Jeremy and is a truck driver, younger guy is David is a social media manager.  

Shelter building is also going on on Goliath.  Natalie-CEO and minority is doing a lot of standing around looking annoyed.  She's 57 and used to being in charge.  Natalia is an industrial engineer and kinda knows about building stuff.  She is highly annoyed by Natalie.  

Jessica is a 18 year old waitress on David.  She's telling everyone she is 22.  I guess in case there is wine this season.  Carl, the truck driver, thinks she reminds him of his daughter.  Everyone is approaching each other pairing off into alliances.  Elizabeth the farmers daughter is hooking up with purple haired Lyrsa (airline agent).  Lyrsa totally looks like the girl from the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" chick.  The nerds are obv hooking up and asking each other to tell them when they are being too geeky.  LIKE NOW.  

Johnny porn wrestler goes through his list of names, and I stepped taking notes at Ab-raham LIncoln.  I think his dad was Long Dong Silver.  

Everyone is cold and wet because it's raining like hell.  They're all "working" on the goliath shelter when Mike-Amazing Race dude-goes off to look for an idol.  And then everyone is like WHERE IS MIKE????  Natalie, who has nothing else to do, goes to find him and tell him he is being a dumb ass looking the the idol.  Jeremy-the other minority who is an ATTORNEY and therefore a WINNER thinks Mike is making a rooky mistake.  

Apparently the lazy ass of the David losers is Nick-the public defender from the holler.  I'm thinking a guy who hangs around the courthouse looking for poor people who need representation to fight their oxycontin related infractions.  He says it's really easy to skip work.  Instead he is off to find his flock and he talks with Elizabeth (which surprises me).  Pat and Carl can't stand Nick already.  

Angelina and 2 other Goliath women decide that women need to find more idols.  They actually know the statistics of how often women find idols.  Jeremy decides to look to and pretty soon everyone is looking.  Former Fattie Dan already has it having found it with his girl Kara and some other chick I haven't figured out yet.  He's STOKED MAN.

Davie finds an octopus so the Davids get some food.  Davie is a 'BLERD"  which is a black nerd.  

Later that night they are huddled in the shelter and Jessica is crying and telling a story about her mom being in an abusive relationship. Then Bi tells about her being in an abusive relationship and says her mom was lucky to have her.  And then Nick tells his pathetic story about how hard it has always been for him to open up but his mom overdosed (didn't see THAT Kentucky holler tragedy coming up did we?).  Seriously I expected a personal interview where he laughed and said it was a lie.  

Immunity Challenge:  It's obstacles-sand pit with the first team through getting a key to a lock instead of having to untie it. Then there's a ladder, then a pole vault and then a puzzle of course.  

Goliath DAMN IT wins.  They get the immunity idol which is NOT  a cheap copy of the David statue.  

And then we go to commercial and come back to some strange video with a boat in a storm, and then waves and it's really weird.  Turns out that it was the TOTALLY UNLUCKY David tribe's boat which hits a giant wave and somehow Pat gets an injured back.  Which TOTALLY PISSES ME OFF because it was the fault of the show.  And way he is lying on the beach in a shit load of pain and Jeff arrives with the always Aussie medic and with a copy of the legal release Pat signed letting the show off of any legal repercussions.  They decide they have to pull him from the game which totally PISSED ME OFF because in the past they have taken people off for X-rays before they decided to remove them from the game.  

So, no tribal council for anyone.  And apparently Pat ends up OK.

T

Welcome to the probable last update for this season!  Can't say it was my favorite by any stretch of the imagination but we are left with 7.  Donathan and Laurel, Dominick and Wendell, an Sebastian, Kellyn and Angela.  And yes, even at this late date I cannot keep Kellyn and Angela straight.  

This week we have Donathan either having a horrible case of PMS OR playing 11 dimension chess.  Kinda going with PMS myself!

Kellyn is feeling sad and on the bottom.  She's wondering who will come for her and deciding to stir some shit up.

Donathan and Laurel are deciding what their next plan it.  Whether or not to go with the girls or the boys.  Donathan thinks the time has come to not play it safe.  Laurel kind of agrees, saying it's their last shot at taking out Wendell.  She knows she can't beat Dom and Wendell even if they are her new best friends.  Donathan thinks this is their last chance to take control of the game.  The middle ain't gonna git me to the end!

Donathan talks to Kellyn about taking out Wendell, voting with the girls.  He tells her though that she cain't go blurtin this out to no one.  And that this is us extendin out the olive branch.

Reward challenge:

Divided into 3 teams of 2 with someone not chosen, it's one of those "Lucy and Ethel in the chocolate factory" challenges with spools send down a track at differing timing.  Wanna know?  It's the ambassador to poor little island children where they get to plan Mother Theresa without the risk of disease.  Oh, and in case you don't like children there is friend chicken and chocolate cake.  LOL, remember back in the day when they actually attempted to celebrate the culture of the island?  I'm just surprised this isn't called the KFC Challenge.  

They are predictably sorted as : Kellyn and Sebastian, Wendell and Dom, Don and Laurel.  Angie has no partner,  

And, we are off and it's friggin like listening to Chris Collinsworth do the reporting,  Jeff, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!  Seriously I cannot stand listening to him anymore!!!  

Dominick and Wendell win reward and get to chose one additional person to join them- they chose Laurel because they need to get her back into the fold.  They also get to chose someone to go to Ghost Island, and they chose Sebastian which leaves a sad and mad little Donathan.  I'm pissed off and not seeing myself at the end.  Time to rattle some cages.

Sebastian is excited to go to GI, where he gets to PLAY THE GAME.  He's got a 3/4 chance with the bamboo tubes.  He wins an advantage- it's the reused steal a vote that doesn't let you steal a vote anymore but does give you an extra vote.  

And then we have the reward challenge with all of the cute little poor island children in their very clean and nice uniforms.  Let's give them sporting equipment!  Balls and swim noodles-because living on an island their entire lives they prolly can't swim too good.  Here's an idea Survivor-how about giving these kids some BOOKS TO READ???  Wouldn't it be nice to see these bedragged Survivors sitting and reading to the little island chillin?  How about we assume that these kids have a future outside of getting drafted for some US sports farm team???  During the meal Wendell and Donathan say they picked Laurel as a reward to shore her up and that they are 1-2-3 going to the end.  Laurel says her best hope is taking you two to the finale and having you split the vote but privately she wants to cut their throats.  

Back at Lavita Loco, Wendell tries to talk to Donathan about taking Laurel to the reward.  "You understand where we're at, right?"  Donathan tells Wendell that he's voting for Dom at the end it it comes down to Dom and Wendell.  Donathan is trying to drop some truth bombs and scare Wendell into pitting him against Dom.  Wendell tells Donathan that having him vote for him is all the incentive Dom needs to NOT take him to the finale. 

Donathan is really in paranoid mood, and I can't totally figure out if it's intentional or hormonal.  Dominick asks him, if you've given up,what's our incentive to to stick with us??

Dominick thinks that Don is going Kamikaze and ready to MAKE HIS BIG MOVE.  He's scaring Dom and "blowing up the entire game".

Immunity Challenge:  It's one of those use planks to build a bridge and a ladder up to a puzzle things.  Although the planks are also puzzle pieces that only fit in one way.  At the end is the same slide puzzle from day one.  

It's a very strange ending because Wendell finishes first and makes an arm motion but doesn't call Jeff over.  Laurel also finishes but does call him over and wins immunity.  

Back at camp, Laurel backs off the big move to get rid of Wendell because he did finish first and it would't be right to send him home tonight.  Aaaand there goes $ 1 million.

Dom and Wendell thinks Kellyn is probably the general consensus.  Dom comes up and they tell him Kellyn.  He's all OK BUT IF Y'ALLS GONNA VOTE ME OUT JUST LEMME KNOW.  

Dom says that Don is sabotaging himself, and at least Kellyn is dependable.  Wendell says he might need to make a fake idol, and while working on it asks Dom for some materials to use.  Dom looks and hands Wendell some stuff which is overseen by Don.  Donathan totally gets his panties in a wad about it, accusing them of shenanigans to help Kellyn.  If y'alls gonna help Kellyn Ima gonna flip.  Donathan tells Kellyn he thinks they are gonna try for him and even she thinks he's an unpredictable bomb thrower,  

Everyone is sitting on the hammock and talking about how crazy Donathan is and they think....maybe Donathan??

Tribal

Jeff is again playing Doctor Phil and is 100% on my last freakin nerve.  I swear he didn't use to try to control the conversation as much as he does.  Part of me thinks they have a discussion at tribal and then go back and film Jeff looking like he's asking very wise and pointed questions to bring out their feelings.  

Dom says he was shocked at how limited his brainpower has become.  LOL.  Says they are all starting to mentally and physically fall apart

Wendell says basically the same thing-that they are falling apart.  He says he's not sharp and blames his loss of immunity on it.  

Jeff asks what's the vibe?  The vibe, Jeff, is that no one asks what the vibe is in real life.  

Dom says that Donathan got spooked and maybe changed gears

Wendell again tries to explain that Dom put something in his bag and it was no big deal.  Question-Doesn't Dom have a fake idol whose power is only used if he gets someone else to think it's real?

Don asks if it was so harmless why did they hide what they were doing?  why not tells me what y'alls doin?  Youre dependin on my but withholding information.

Dom says they are not withholding info

Wendell says the problem is that Don has the desire to know everything

Don: yes, when I'm working with y'alls I do!

Do Sebastian or Angela every talk at tribal???

Dom asks if he can say something and Don says NO

Kellyn doesn't know what's going on but she's liking it.  She says that after Chelsea went the word on the street was that she was next.

Don tells Jeff, it prolly ain't goinna be Kellyn it's gonna be me.  I seen them whisperin...they all got loaded pockets.....

Dom says to the group-stay with the hammock plan.

Donathan says he doesn't know what the hammock plan is and Dom says that's because we are done talking.

Laurel says she has a strong plan A but also a plan B and C.....

Kellyn think plan B's and C's sound good to her.  Says there are underdogs and big dogs but that "people came to me with plans today...."

Dom and Wendell are like, say what???

Wendell leans over to Sebastian and says "split the vote".

They vote......Dom gets 1, Kellyn get 3 and Don gets 3.  They revote.....and Kellyn is off to the jury.  

HAHA.  MADE Y'ALL VOTE TWICE!!

Survivor: Is that a crack???

Wow, so we have just one more episode before the finale May 23??  How many people are going into the finale this year?  It seems like there are still way too many people left!  Who do we want to win?  I am 1000% team Donathan!!!

So last update we had the double elimination with Jenna and Michael going to the jury (note to self, catch up on Ponderosa).  Everyone wants to know why there was an extra vote and Kellyn admits she had it and used it for 2 votes against Lauren.  Lauren is pissed off at her, and says although Wendell and Dom stuck up for her, it really is every man for himself now.  

Reward Challenge and grab your hankies because it's the family visit reward.  Probably because of liability insurance involved with letting Aunt Patty do any kind of challenge other than making up a batch of fried chicken, the loved ones just watch this time.  It's an obstacle course that ends with throwing a sandbag on a small round cocktail table.  

Family members are:

Wendell-Wendell Sr who is the "original Wendell"

Kellyn's older incredibly geeky brother, Clay

Don's fantastic Aunt Patty in her pink go-to-church scarf accessory

Angela's daughter Page who talks about how much her mom has been away as a military mom

Chelsea and her sister Sydney

Laurel's big brother

Sebastian's totally hot sister Grace

And Dom's 100% Real Housewife of NJ wife Kristen. Who is wearing an 80's inspired pink camisole tucked into her jean shorts.  She says that SHE HAS BEEN IN AGONY.  Jeff jumps right on that but the agony is.....she hasn't been able to "tawk" to him for 36 days.  

The challenge comes down to Sebastian and Dom, and Sebastian wins the challenge.  He gets to take ultimately 3 people and he chooses Dom, Wendell and Donathan leaving the girls all out in the cold.  Then he gets to chose who to send to Ghost Island where they will get a certain game advantage, and if his group doesn't get it one of the girls gets to chose who gets it.  Sebastian offers it up and Wendell takes it.  

The girls are left high and dry and return to camp PISSED OFF.  

On Ghost, Wendell gets Malcolm's second chance advantage to use on the same challenge-balancing a ball on a cylinder, and holding the cylinder with 2 smaller cylinder pieces.  Malcolm an extra shot at the challenge and blew it, and I am already guessing the challenge loser Wendell will suffer the same fate.  

On reward, although Dom would love to cuddly with his lil jersey tomato he decides it's the opportunity for the 4 to come together and bond.  Dom says he is committed to them and Miss Patty says that's a sacred bond now with her.  Privately Donathan thinks that although they are all making plans, those 3 are the greatest threats in the game, and he doubts he could beat them, so he feels like they need to go.  

On camp, the 4 girls are PISSED OFF.  They're whining like crazy' "they get everything good, and now Wendell gets an advantage without the chance of anything bad happening to him.  it's NOT FAIR!!!  MARSHA, MARSHA, MARSHA!!!"

And then Kellyn and the ladies figure out that since they are all together and pissed they need to make a plan to take out one of the men.  Kellyn conveniently decides to use Lauren and bring on Donathan (being one of the girls and all) to take out either Dom or Wendell and Lauren is having a hard time trusting her after being stabbed in the back.  

Immunity Challenge.  And as I predicted Wendell could have 5 second chances and still lose.  Dom ends up beating Donathan for immunity.  

Kellyn declared that the happy Navidi family has come to an end-it's now all about Lauren and Donathan and who gets their votes.  

Wendell is pissed that he blew an opportunity with his Dad for nothing.  Coulda told ya that.... He also has decided they need to get rid of Chelsea because she is a challenge beast.  

The girls are deciding which of the boys to get rid of because they have too much power.  They talk with Don because "he will work with us".  Since Dom has immunity they decide they want to blindside Wendell.  And Chelsea reiterates that it needs to be a blindside.

Dom and Wendell want Chelsea.  Wendell is concerned because he isn't getting the "we're the only black people left" good feeling from Lauren.  

Lauren and Donathan talks about who they want to align with.  They are concerned that Dom and Wendell are just going to start steam rolling everyone.  

Tribal

Kellyn says, yes Jeff, there was a bit of fallout and bad feelings because I attempted to screw over Lauren, but now she's my bitch

Donathan bangs the door right open by saying that indeed there is an opening in the Navidi Nation tonight

Wendell is all WHAT THE FUCK??? And looks at Dom who is also clueless

Dom admits he is indeed all shook up

Kellyn says that there is usually a tribal truth bomb from Donathan

Lauren announces that indeed there is a crack in Navidi Nation and they have found it and hope to capitalize on it.  GAME ON!!

Everyone is suddenly shitting bricks.

Chelsea is suddenly nervous and admits she is clueless as to what has changed

Donathan says that BOTH of the girls and they guys have come to them-"there's the cracks"

Dom figures out that perhaps he was too blinded by his wife's lingerie to realize it wasn't a good idea to leave the ladies alone without access to that chocolate cake with the french cookies on it (did you think I would NOT mention that cake??)

Wendell says that Donathan doesn't hold his tongue and they have to deal with the fallout

Kellyn says that the family visit kicked her off of her path and with the small number of people left everyone is running multiple scenarios every minute

Chelsea says it's like a big game of bumper cars-who will get out of your way and who will come right at you.

Jeff is ALL THE HELL OVER THE BUMPER CAR ANALOGY. Expect that to be a lesson in the Survivor college course

Dom points out that right now people are resume building and it's not a good idea to wait to make a big move, since someone else might beat you.

Donathan says it could be a blindside tonight!

Vote....any idols........Nope.

Wendell gets the 3 ladies votes but Chelsea gets the blindside with all of the men and Lauren voting!

Jeff:  There's a crack......now what???

Survivor Double Shot

Hello!  I almost forgot I had to do an update this week.  And it's apparently not just me that thinks this season is dragging and needs a poke in the ASS, last week we had a double elimination night to get this moving.  I can remember years when I rushed my Mom out the door on Mothers Day to watch the finale but we still have 10 people lounging around the camp.  

Previously on Survivor, Desiree YET AGAIN was trying to get rid of Kellyn and got caught.  So, she, Dom and Wendell orchestrated her ouster.  Laurel is also part of this secret group.  

Michael thanked Laurel for saving his ass once again.  Kellyn, never one to let go of the NAVIDI STRONG flag still doesn't trust Lauren, even though she saved her ass.  

Curious-they always show Iguanas climbing stuff on Survivor yet no one ever catches or eats one.  Is it me or are they not allowed to eat land animals? Why not spend a few minutes not lounging on the bed and set up a little trap for a critter?  Someday they truth of this show is going to come out and you will all be forced to admit I was RIGHT that there is purell on the backside of every tree,  And the camps are fenced in so no animals go in or out, nor do any Survivors go anywhere else but their beach.  

Next we have a bit of Don and Wendell snuggling, which looks like it's totally staged and Dom is half assed laughing at the things he has to say.  Dom says they are good friends BUT.....  Dom also is apparently the only one who questions whether or not there is a new idol on the camp.  And since he says he basically knows every inch of the beach he goes out and BAM finds a coconut with a logo burned into it.  He opens it up and it's a fake idol (Jake made it and Jay tried to use it if you care-frankly I am sick of the history lessons).  Anywhoo this little fake idol apparently did not go to Ghost Island and grow up to a real idol BUT the clue says that the opportunity lies in your ability to fool another player, I guess by leaving it laying around for someone else to find and THINK it's real.  

And, BANG WE ARE AT IMMUNITY CHALLENGE.  Show of hands, who else looked at the clock and said, "hmmmm, it's pretty early for an immunity challenge..."  Sooo, there is a twist.  Survivors will be divided into 2 teams, and will compete as 2 teams with each going to tribal separately.  2 eiliminations tonight.  The challenge is one of those stamina things-they have to hold on to a lever that holds a ball in place.  The random picks of course split so each team has a majority of Navidi people, so there is a pretty good possibility of getting rid of 2 Malolo's.  Teams are:

First up

Michael

Laurel

Dom

Wendell

Kellyn

Second Team

Chelsea

Sebastian

Angela

Jenna

Donathan

For the first team, Dom wins immunity, second team Chelsea wins.  The second team is first up at Tribal so the other team will know how the vote came out.

Dom says that it should be easy to put the votes on Michael and finally get him off.  Michael talks to Donathan, asks Don for his idol, just to borrow it for his tribal and Donathan says NOPE.  I was afraid he would fall for Michael's big city ways.  Michael decides to go around and try to convince people he has an idol anyway.  He goes first to the always hysterical Kellyn and tells her.  She is of course all FREAKED OUT and believes him , even when he says that he is with you FOR THE REST OF THE GAME.  Kellyn tells Michael not to show it to Laurel.  

Kellyn also runs with her hair on fire to Dom who tells her to make Michael show her the idol or it's not real.  She continues running around telling people that she's scared and they should instead vote out Laurel and keep Navidi STRONG.  She also tells Wendell this, not knowing about his alliance with Laurel.  

Wendell tells Laurel who is upset because if Laurel has an idol then she would probably go home.  She thinks that it's finally time for Dom and Wendell to protect her and vote instead for Kellyn.  Kellyn still has her extra vote which she decides to use on Laurel.  

On the other side, lazy ASS Sebastian who I really cannot believe is still there, says that it's 3-2 so one of the Malolo is going home.  They decide it's Jenna but they tell her it's Donathan.  Jenna comes up and says "I assume it's me" but they tell her instead that they are all getting rid of Donathan but he has to believe it's Jenna.  Jenna goes crying to Donathan telling him she loves him and hates the thought of leaving him.  Donathan thinks may be he can play his idol and save her.  He tells Jenna to vote for Sebastian, and that he is going to use his idol for her. Jenna is thrilled, and calls him an idiot for doing so.  

Tribal 1

Don agrees that the 2 tribals have shaken things up at camp, 

Sebastian says Malolo is at the low end of the stick and there isn't anything they can do.

Jeff points out that while that is true, there are still more Navidi on the jury than Malolo's

Jenna isn't even trying to plead a case, says there are no cracks so let's vote.

Jeff calls her on her lack of even trying to persuade people.

Sebastian agrees that it's very interesting that she isn't even trying to save herself.....

Donathan says that there are always tricks up people's sleeves

Chesea says that there is a 3/2 split so if people vote wrong a Navidi could go home.

Donathan points out that the 3 Navidi won't want to rub the other Navidi's the wrong way so it's def him or Jenna

Jenna again says, I'm ready let's vote.

Vote.....Donathan plays his idol for.....himself.  

Donathan 1

Sebastian 1

Jenna 2 and an angry Jenna goes directly to the jury.

Tribal 2

Laurel says that Navidi always plays the same game

Dom points out that they have the majority on both tribals and have been lucky this whole season that way

Wendell agrees that it's that simple

Kellyn says that in Survivor the easy move is rarely the right move and she is scared

Jeff says something about animals and prey and that all eyes are on the prey

Dom says that while Michael has a strong history of finding idols he doesn't believe he has one

Michael says that if he did he sure wouldn't show it in advance

Jeff asks Laurel if she is prey #2 and she says she is and that her game hinges on their read of Michael not having an idol

Jeff starts to ask Kellyn if this isn't one of those times that you dream of playing Survivor but Michael and Wendell start having a secret powwow 

Kellyn points out that neither she of Laurel is included in the discussions

Vote-Kellyn uses her extra vote:

Kellyn 1

Wendell 1

Laurell 2

Michael 2

The jury figures out there is an extra vote.  They revote and Michael is finally voted off.