First of all, if you have not watched this episode, run DO NOT WALK over to www.cbs.com and watch it. Seriously, it may be the best episode of survivor ever aired.
Nightfall over on NoBAG, Kenny, Crystal and Sugar are rejoicing in their surprise attack on Charlie, which basically ruins Corrine and Randy's alliance. Come morning and Randy and Corrine are spitting nails. They go for a walk and just keep repeating to each other, "I HATE ALL OF THEM". "Yea, me too, and I don't think we should hide our hatred anymore". "Yea, me too". Then they sit down on logs and nod their heads and bang their cymbals together. They decide their only hope is to work on Leonardo.
Hey, it just occurred to me that the animals must have gone back to the Gabon zoo cause I haven't seen many lately. Must be the smell keeping them away.
Tree mail: Auction time. Each player gets $500. Note: Jeff is wearing a blue shirt and a green baseball cap. Not doing it for me.
First item: Beer and Peanuts. Randy jumps all over this, being an alcoholic. Sugar bids it up knowing how much Randy wants it. Randy wins it and sucks the beer down. Niiiice. Always good to be drunk during a strategic auction.
Item 2 is a mystery item. Kenny and the always hungry Randy bid it up. Randy runs out of money and Kenny gets it. It's a note: send one person to Exile and take their money. Kenny sends Bob back and takes his cash.
Item 3 is a mystery as well. Randy bids again. Sugar steps in at the last minute and bids slightly more than Randy has and gets herself peanut butter and chocolate.
Item 4 is a bath and a clean set of clothes. Unfortunately Bob is off to exile cause this would have been an excellent prize for him. Suzie buys herself a bath and gets in the tub. She doesn't stay in that long, murmurs something about it being too hot but I think Randy was leering at her.
Item 5 is a hamburger and fries, which Leonardo wolfs down.
Item 6 is another mystery. Randy must have smelled alcohol cause he bids for it and wins it. Spaghetti, garlic bread and wine. I didn't see this but I think he threw the food down and just inhaled the wine.
Item 7: a sealed note in a bottle that will give a big advantage. Corrine throws her whole $500 into it cause, "nothing taste as good as $500, unless it's a million dollars". Isn't that the weight watchers slogan??
Item 8: something for the whole tribe for $20. Randy coughs up the $20 first and gets a plate of choc chip cookies. And, therein commences the great Cookie Fight. Randy: "Jeff, if I wanted to I could eat this whole plate" Jeff: "No, you ahole, I just said it's for the whole tribe". Randy offers Sugar a cookie. She demurs. everyone else gets a cookie, Corrine gets one and a half. Randy finally offers the last cookie, "his cookie" to Sugar who takes it and gives it to Leonardo. Randy HATES SUGAR. He sits on a log, nods his head and bangs his cymbals.
Back at camp, Leonardo (I SWEAR acting dumb) thanks Sugar for the cookie, "That was the most righteous gift anyone has ever given me". Man, Christmas must suck at the DiCaprio house. Randy blows himself up and makes sure Leonardo knows that THAT COOKIE CAME FROM HIM, AND HE IS THE COOKIE FAIRY, DAMMIT. Randy, "I left the auction full, broke, half drunk and pissed off. Just the way I like to live my life". He's gonna BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO.
Hold tight, wait till this party's over
Hold tight, we're in for nasty weather
Three hundred sixty five degrees
Burning down the house
Bob goes for the clue again on Exile. It's the same clue so he decides to go on his own safari. Lots of Lion King music during this respite from the evils of hell over on Nobag.
Nobag: everyone wants Randy gone. Leonardo lobbies for Bob instead. Sugar thinks Leo is really playing the game. They all agree on Bob.
Corrine and Randy hatch a plot. Randy decides to crash and burn all day, fight with everyone and make everyone vote for him. How is this a new plan?? They think that since Bob definitely is out finding the idol, the tribe will all vote for Randy, Corrine, Randy and Bob will vote for Susie, Randy pulls the idol out and Susie is gone.
Randy: "Leo, you've whored yourself out to these people". Everyone is disgusted with him and want him off. Randy is "happy with where he's sitting".
Immunity challenge: balance beam race carrying 3 bags of puzzle pieces. Enough with the damn puzzle pieces. Corrine gets to skip right to the puzzle. Arrange the puzzle blocks like dominoes and set them off. They have to go to the end and raise a flag. Leo, Kenny and Corrine in the final part. Kenny sets his blocks up from the flag end back, not the other way around. Hey, you don't think an Asian gamer is going to lose this one, do you?? This gets all bogged down and boring, but at the end of the day Kenny wins immunity.
Bob goes into the jungle with Sugar. He tells her he doesn't have the idol. She tells Bob he can vote whoever he wants but he should vote for Randy. But I have another plan.... I think there is a real Sugar/Bob alliance here that people are overlooking. Bob is just the kind of guy to fall for a pole dancer and leave his wife and children out in Iowa somewhere. Sugar tells Bob that she thinks Randy would fall for the idol. Man, Bob without his shirt on looks like a science model for the circulatory system. All veins and arteries. Ugh. Sugar on the other hand is getting fat from all the snickers bars the crew is sneaking her for lap dances. Corrine meets up with Bob out in the wild, says, " I assume you found the idol" Bob kinda nods. She goes on in rapid fire saying "the best thing to do is to give it to Randy". Bob's in the biker shorts again. He agrees, she tells him she loves him but in a "love ya, mean it" kind of way.
Bob shows Randy the idol. Um, where did he get the resin beads for the idol? Michaels?? Randy acts all cool, which is a surprise since I expected him to lunge across the hut and kill Bob for the idol. "It's your call, Bob". "Well, since you are a total a-hole and have pissed everyone off, maybe I should give it to you" " I love what you're thinking, man". This is like bad porn dialog, isn't it??
What the F is with Randy's buff head? Seriously, he has the most misshapen head. Must be the evil building up on top of his skull. God I hope his family is on the reunion show. It's like the coneheads go on reality TV. I expect a mean Jane Curtain to be his mom.
Randy unwraps the idol. "Looks like an immunity idol to me". Sugar tells Kenny and hostile looking Crystal, "tonight is going to be the funkiest night of your life. Wait for it".
Tribal. Jeff brings up the cookie incident. Randy is still pissed she took "his" cookie. Jeff is really laying it on thick. Susie, why is the cookie incident so significant? Susie " I feel sorry for Randy". Randy gets pissed again. Jeff: Corrine sounds like Randy went off. Crystal, is the tension ramping up? hahah HELL YES. Any chance Randy is playing the game? LOTS of arrogant smarmy shots of Randy looking like an evil Smurf. Randy, are you worried tonight? " 30 days is pretty good but I want to stay"
Time to vote. Everyone whispers about what a loser alcoholic bigot Randy is as they vote. Crystal does it in full voice so that everyone can hear her. Even the jury cracks up.
"If anyone has the immunity idol and wants to play it, now would be the time to do so" "Well, Jeff, I happen to have a nice piece of happiness in my pocket." Corrine looks smug. Everyone else who knows Sugar has it is dying. "The rules state that if an idol is played, that person is immune. This.....is.......not.....an.....immunity idol...... Randy's head practically swivels off. Corrine just stares at Bob. Everyone else is dying.
THE KING OF GABON IS DEAD.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Survivor Week 9
At the end of last week, Marcus had been blindsided. Kenny realizes he has power on this team, having orchestrated the last couple of surprise hits. You can almost see him growing a pair as the show progresses. Bob says, in his camera closeup, "if we don't merge, I'm history. Even though I teach science. Get it?? yuk yuk"
Day 25-another day in Fang paradise with no rice and no fire. I wonder if Crystal dropped the rice on the fire and put it out??
Tree mail (early in the show I think...): A golf flag and a slingshot. Say it with me, "hey, it's probably going to be slingshot golf". Walking to the challenge, Corrine says, "I just want to see Marcus..." da da da dum. Batten down the hatches, hurricane Corrine's about to blow. In walks the Kota tribe and the Jeffster remarks, "say hi to the new Marcus-lite Kota tribe". Corrine is pissed, says, "he didn't deserve it". Which makes people wake up and say, "wait, nobody deserves it", which Corrine thinks is purely bullshit since there's still a 47 year old woman WITH NOTHING ON HER left.
The challenge is indeed slingshot golf. 3 holes, teams use a slingshot to shoot the ball into the big hole. Wanna know what you're playing for? FINALLY!!!!! The gabonese screen actors guild was able to come up with some authentic gaboners in authentic gaboner garb, and the winners get to eat, dance and, wait-did Jeff say they also get to sleep with the gaboners??? HOLY CRAP, what a hell of a reward. Um, Jeff, any chance it also comes with condoms?? Ok, the challenge. Corrine sits out again. How come the 47 year old woman is always in the challenges but Corrine always sits out??
I was gonna go hole by hole, shot by shot, but that's too boring. It all comes down to the final shot on the final hole, with Fang up with Randy and Charlie holding the slingshot and Leonardo di Caprio (aka Matty-try to keep up people) shooting. They are about an inch outside the hole, and Randy decides to offer up an endless stream of assistance to Leonardo, which is totally friggin annoying. Leo finally just drops the ball into the hole and Fang wins immunity. Randy is still arguing about how to do it about 5 minutes after the end. Shot to Randy: " I hate Matty (he hasn't noticed he looks like Leonardo yet)". Bob gets sent to Exile.
Over at the authentic gabon village (brought to you by Scotts Miracle Village Grow), the authentic gaboners start by giving the fangers a bath. It wasn't part of the original reward but these dudes stink. Afterwards they are all decked out in gaboner clothing and are led to the table. One little girl holds Corrine's hand and Corrine states, "I can't imagine why she chose me-most kids scream 'she's a witch' and run away". Corrine, Randy and Charlie cry about losing Marcus. After dinner, it's on to the dancing. Sugar is like, "where do y'all keep the pole?" Randy thinks that one of the girls is hitting on him, which is a first in 20 years. The big scarlet KP he's required by law to wear on his forehead usually scares them away. KP=kiddie porn, in case you haven't been reading my summaries...
On Kota, Ken has the boat stuck on a piece of wood and he is paddling around and around in circles. LOL. Metaphoric? He finally gets himself out of the jam and returns to camp with fish. He's all proud of himself and thinks he has the game figured out. He is however wondering when the spaceships are going to start shooting down from above, and how to jump to the next level.
Bob is on exile. Hey, can I just say he looks kind of hot in his swimtrunks? They're kind of tight, not jams. He searches for the idol, and I'm hoping there really was a second one. But, alas, he figures Sugar already has one so he whittles himself a fake one. " “It’s sort of like when you’re holding up a bank. You don’t necessarily need a gun, but if they think you’ve got a gun, they might leave you alone.” Yea, and you get to escape the "armed robbery" charge.
Back to the camps, tree mail: "be the best firestarter you can be". Randy goes off on Crystal, calls her a sasquash (was that racist??), he hates her. Yea, her and everyone else dude. He laughs and laughs about how she can't start a fire for shit.
They get to the challenge and Jeff tells them this is for individual immunity and that they are now merged. They get blue buffs. They each get flint, steel and firemaking stuff. Gotta make a fire and burn through a string. No need to really describe this challenge cause we've seen it before. Susie is the first to get flames. She gets it going before Sugar also gets fire. NOBODY ELSE GETS A SPARK. Swagger dick Randy? All talk, no spark. Susie wins immunity relatively easily.
Back at the new Fang, there's rice, beans, coffee and other stuff. Everyone eats and then darts into the woods to start strategizing. Randy wants Crystal gone. It's basically 4-4 with Sugar as the tie breaker. Everyone works Sugar over. Sugar tells Corrine she hates Randy. Corrine says, let's get rid of Crystal first them we can get rid of Randy next. Corrine tries to be all sympathetic. Afterwards, “Sugar is so weak and naïve and gullible. I’ve been nasty to her for twenty-five days. I was nice to her one day and she’s sold. So it doesn’t make sense that she buys it ‘cause she’s such a moron.” God I hate Corrine. Crystal, Kenny, Leo and Susie want Charlie gone. Kenny is still mad about that idol he found the clue for at the last feast and Charlie shared it with everyone.
Oh, they decide to call the tribe NOBAG. Man, I could do so much with this.
Tribal: Dr. Jeff asks his probing questions. Randy cracks me up by saying, that, at the reward challenge, if everyone would have listened to his suggestions, Fang would have made each shot ten times out of ten. Dude, that long lasting OCD patch is wearing out. Crystal jumps on him and the 2 go at it. Randy says he is still mad at the way she and GC ran the original Fang tribe. Now, frankly, this is so racist I can't believe they are allowing it. Seriously, he compares the way they ran Fang like a posse and a gang. Jeff: Charlie, are the vocal people idiots? Hell yes, Jeff. Charlie even castigates Randy to stop and think before he talks. Jeff: Sugar, is there any drawback to being away having sex with me on Exile so much? Sugar, "well, aside from the bad sex, Jeff, I don't like to talk crap about people". They vote. Jeff reads the votes. Randy uses initials which totally pisses Jeff off (plus, he's tweaked about that lousy sex comment). Sugar goes along with the underdogs and votes Charlie off.
Day 25-another day in Fang paradise with no rice and no fire. I wonder if Crystal dropped the rice on the fire and put it out??
Tree mail (early in the show I think...): A golf flag and a slingshot. Say it with me, "hey, it's probably going to be slingshot golf". Walking to the challenge, Corrine says, "I just want to see Marcus..." da da da dum. Batten down the hatches, hurricane Corrine's about to blow. In walks the Kota tribe and the Jeffster remarks, "say hi to the new Marcus-lite Kota tribe". Corrine is pissed, says, "he didn't deserve it". Which makes people wake up and say, "wait, nobody deserves it", which Corrine thinks is purely bullshit since there's still a 47 year old woman WITH NOTHING ON HER left.
The challenge is indeed slingshot golf. 3 holes, teams use a slingshot to shoot the ball into the big hole. Wanna know what you're playing for? FINALLY!!!!! The gabonese screen actors guild was able to come up with some authentic gaboners in authentic gaboner garb, and the winners get to eat, dance and, wait-did Jeff say they also get to sleep with the gaboners??? HOLY CRAP, what a hell of a reward. Um, Jeff, any chance it also comes with condoms?? Ok, the challenge. Corrine sits out again. How come the 47 year old woman is always in the challenges but Corrine always sits out??
I was gonna go hole by hole, shot by shot, but that's too boring. It all comes down to the final shot on the final hole, with Fang up with Randy and Charlie holding the slingshot and Leonardo di Caprio (aka Matty-try to keep up people) shooting. They are about an inch outside the hole, and Randy decides to offer up an endless stream of assistance to Leonardo, which is totally friggin annoying. Leo finally just drops the ball into the hole and Fang wins immunity. Randy is still arguing about how to do it about 5 minutes after the end. Shot to Randy: " I hate Matty (he hasn't noticed he looks like Leonardo yet)". Bob gets sent to Exile.
Over at the authentic gabon village (brought to you by Scotts Miracle Village Grow), the authentic gaboners start by giving the fangers a bath. It wasn't part of the original reward but these dudes stink. Afterwards they are all decked out in gaboner clothing and are led to the table. One little girl holds Corrine's hand and Corrine states, "I can't imagine why she chose me-most kids scream 'she's a witch' and run away". Corrine, Randy and Charlie cry about losing Marcus. After dinner, it's on to the dancing. Sugar is like, "where do y'all keep the pole?" Randy thinks that one of the girls is hitting on him, which is a first in 20 years. The big scarlet KP he's required by law to wear on his forehead usually scares them away. KP=kiddie porn, in case you haven't been reading my summaries...
On Kota, Ken has the boat stuck on a piece of wood and he is paddling around and around in circles. LOL. Metaphoric? He finally gets himself out of the jam and returns to camp with fish. He's all proud of himself and thinks he has the game figured out. He is however wondering when the spaceships are going to start shooting down from above, and how to jump to the next level.
Bob is on exile. Hey, can I just say he looks kind of hot in his swimtrunks? They're kind of tight, not jams. He searches for the idol, and I'm hoping there really was a second one. But, alas, he figures Sugar already has one so he whittles himself a fake one. " “It’s sort of like when you’re holding up a bank. You don’t necessarily need a gun, but if they think you’ve got a gun, they might leave you alone.” Yea, and you get to escape the "armed robbery" charge.
Back to the camps, tree mail: "be the best firestarter you can be". Randy goes off on Crystal, calls her a sasquash (was that racist??), he hates her. Yea, her and everyone else dude. He laughs and laughs about how she can't start a fire for shit.
They get to the challenge and Jeff tells them this is for individual immunity and that they are now merged. They get blue buffs. They each get flint, steel and firemaking stuff. Gotta make a fire and burn through a string. No need to really describe this challenge cause we've seen it before. Susie is the first to get flames. She gets it going before Sugar also gets fire. NOBODY ELSE GETS A SPARK. Swagger dick Randy? All talk, no spark. Susie wins immunity relatively easily.
Back at the new Fang, there's rice, beans, coffee and other stuff. Everyone eats and then darts into the woods to start strategizing. Randy wants Crystal gone. It's basically 4-4 with Sugar as the tie breaker. Everyone works Sugar over. Sugar tells Corrine she hates Randy. Corrine says, let's get rid of Crystal first them we can get rid of Randy next. Corrine tries to be all sympathetic. Afterwards, “Sugar is so weak and naïve and gullible. I’ve been nasty to her for twenty-five days. I was nice to her one day and she’s sold. So it doesn’t make sense that she buys it ‘cause she’s such a moron.” God I hate Corrine. Crystal, Kenny, Leo and Susie want Charlie gone. Kenny is still mad about that idol he found the clue for at the last feast and Charlie shared it with everyone.
Oh, they decide to call the tribe NOBAG. Man, I could do so much with this.
Tribal: Dr. Jeff asks his probing questions. Randy cracks me up by saying, that, at the reward challenge, if everyone would have listened to his suggestions, Fang would have made each shot ten times out of ten. Dude, that long lasting OCD patch is wearing out. Crystal jumps on him and the 2 go at it. Randy says he is still mad at the way she and GC ran the original Fang tribe. Now, frankly, this is so racist I can't believe they are allowing it. Seriously, he compares the way they ran Fang like a posse and a gang. Jeff: Charlie, are the vocal people idiots? Hell yes, Jeff. Charlie even castigates Randy to stop and think before he talks. Jeff: Sugar, is there any drawback to being away having sex with me on Exile so much? Sugar, "well, aside from the bad sex, Jeff, I don't like to talk crap about people". They vote. Jeff reads the votes. Randy uses initials which totally pisses Jeff off (plus, he's tweaked about that lousy sex comment). Sugar goes along with the underdogs and votes Charlie off.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Survivor Gabon, Week 8
So, I'm flying solo today with only my scribbled notes to guide me. CBS.com doesn't have the recap on it so I have to try to remember what the heck I was writing about. Which is OK, since half of you probably have already forgotten what went down in Gabon last week.
Day 22 and still no LIVE AUTHENTIC GABONERS. What's up with that?
Over at Kota, Randy is mad at Susie cause she laughed at Randy's comment about Dan going. Randy has anger management issues. Corrine and Susie continue their fight, especially since Susie told Jeff at tribal that Corrine was a lazy ass. Cut to the close up of Corrine" "What could a 47 year old possibly have over me". OOOOOOOH. Them's fighting words from this 46 year old.
Over on Fang, Matty's unhappy about Ace (cause I think their engagement is now over), and worried about trusting Crystal. All are hoping for a merge.
Back to Kota: and more of Corrine bitching. Calls herself "extremely vindictive". Really? Gosh, you hide it so well. I just love when people like this come on this game and then get all whacked out when people ACTUALLY PLAY THE GAME.
Tree mail: "brand new tribe" and a beach party. Could this be the awaited merge or another mind game?
The two tribes assemble for a big old feast. Lots of food and apparently LOTS of drink. There's a box that says, "don't open until you are totally done scarfing down the food". So, they proceed to scarf away. Kenny see a note under the box that has the words immunity clue on it and tries to be all cool about it. Charlie shares it with everyone. In what can only be drunken bravado, they all decide they don't need no stinking immunity idol and "set it adrift". Randy digs it up ("I knew when I saw that strange tree on the beach that it had an immunity idol buried under it") and they talk about it being "the apple in eden". Repeat this phrase about 10 times and you will know how ridiculous this part is.
Randy is hammered. I always think this is a good move on Survivor. Get totally hammered and then be all hung over at the next challenge. Randy is laying on the beach in his dreamed about if only they'd ask Playgirl position, wine glass in hand (and, dude, were they drinking friggin white zinfandel??? ) proclaiming himself King of Gabon. LOL. That is going to come as a big shock to the Gaboners.
Ok, so they open the magic box. It has 2 parts. One is a bag of numbered stones. The other part is a bag of new buffs and they are divided into new tribes. DAMN. Fang is now Randy, Charlie, Corrine, Sugar and Matty; Kota is now Bob, Marcus, Susie, Kenny and Crystal. Lots of endless discussion of how there are 3 of the old Kota alliance on each tribe.
So, back at camp, Marcus finds out that one of his good friends is Crystal's cousin and they do a little bonding. Had this been on abc, you would have heard "it's a small world" played in the background. Marcus now likes Crystal, cause she can't be all bad and be related to his friend. He's not sure he can vote her off now. Crystal has no problem with it.
On Fang, Corrine wants Matty out (i forget why). Anyone else notice that Matty is a friggin dead ringer for Leonardo DiCaprio? In fact, I'm going to start calling him Leonardo from now on. Charlie doesn't trust Randy. Leonardo (aka Matty-you following?) tells Sugar that Kenny and Crystal duped her into thinking Ace didn't have her best interests in hand and that Ace would have never gotten rid of her. Frankly, this is English wonk shit, but Sugar buys it and gets all teary eyed.
Susie is now in the power position. She wants top 3 and asks Marcus to promise her that. Marcus has a hard time with that since he has her at about top 6.
Tree mail. This next challenge is sponsored by Viagra. Vivaaaaaaaaa Viagra. The challenge is called "keep it up" (GET IT, HUH HUH??). Survivors have to hold their hands out palm down and have a pole on each hand that goes up to a platform. They have to stand that way until the last person is out. This apparently really hard cause Crystal, the OLYMPIAN, lasts 1 second. Sugar lasts 10. Susie, Randy and Corrine go out next. It comes down to Leonardo and Bob. Leonardo is being a total smart ass and the Probster is trying to warn him not to screw around. Lots of images of Leonardo's poles getting PERILOUSLY close to the edge of the platform. Bob shifts once and his poles fall. Leonardo and Fang win immunity!!
Kota has to go to tribal. Swagger dick that he is, Randy shoots his mouth off that he doesn't really care that they won immunity.
At Kota, Crystal works on Susie to get rid of Marcus. Susie tells her Marcus promised her final 3. Say what? Are you a crazy white lady or something? He can't deliver final 3.
Tribal. Probst begins by asking Crystal what it’s like for her and Ken to spend time with Kota. She says Kota camp is like corporate espionage – you wear the suit but don’t know what’s going on in people’s heads. But at Fang, it’s the projects. Kenny makes a plea. I guess he was the other one on the chopping block. Bob: "tonight's vote is a clear cut decision". Time to vote. Apparently Susie believed Crystal 'cause Marcus or Marc-ACE as Kenny writes it, is the next survivor to go.
Head on back to camp.
Day 22 and still no LIVE AUTHENTIC GABONERS. What's up with that?
Over at Kota, Randy is mad at Susie cause she laughed at Randy's comment about Dan going. Randy has anger management issues. Corrine and Susie continue their fight, especially since Susie told Jeff at tribal that Corrine was a lazy ass. Cut to the close up of Corrine" "What could a 47 year old possibly have over me". OOOOOOOH. Them's fighting words from this 46 year old.
Over on Fang, Matty's unhappy about Ace (cause I think their engagement is now over), and worried about trusting Crystal. All are hoping for a merge.
Back to Kota: and more of Corrine bitching. Calls herself "extremely vindictive". Really? Gosh, you hide it so well. I just love when people like this come on this game and then get all whacked out when people ACTUALLY PLAY THE GAME.
Tree mail: "brand new tribe" and a beach party. Could this be the awaited merge or another mind game?
The two tribes assemble for a big old feast. Lots of food and apparently LOTS of drink. There's a box that says, "don't open until you are totally done scarfing down the food". So, they proceed to scarf away. Kenny see a note under the box that has the words immunity clue on it and tries to be all cool about it. Charlie shares it with everyone. In what can only be drunken bravado, they all decide they don't need no stinking immunity idol and "set it adrift". Randy digs it up ("I knew when I saw that strange tree on the beach that it had an immunity idol buried under it") and they talk about it being "the apple in eden". Repeat this phrase about 10 times and you will know how ridiculous this part is.
Randy is hammered. I always think this is a good move on Survivor. Get totally hammered and then be all hung over at the next challenge. Randy is laying on the beach in his dreamed about if only they'd ask Playgirl position, wine glass in hand (and, dude, were they drinking friggin white zinfandel??? ) proclaiming himself King of Gabon. LOL. That is going to come as a big shock to the Gaboners.
Ok, so they open the magic box. It has 2 parts. One is a bag of numbered stones. The other part is a bag of new buffs and they are divided into new tribes. DAMN. Fang is now Randy, Charlie, Corrine, Sugar and Matty; Kota is now Bob, Marcus, Susie, Kenny and Crystal. Lots of endless discussion of how there are 3 of the old Kota alliance on each tribe.
So, back at camp, Marcus finds out that one of his good friends is Crystal's cousin and they do a little bonding. Had this been on abc, you would have heard "it's a small world" played in the background. Marcus now likes Crystal, cause she can't be all bad and be related to his friend. He's not sure he can vote her off now. Crystal has no problem with it.
On Fang, Corrine wants Matty out (i forget why). Anyone else notice that Matty is a friggin dead ringer for Leonardo DiCaprio? In fact, I'm going to start calling him Leonardo from now on. Charlie doesn't trust Randy. Leonardo (aka Matty-you following?) tells Sugar that Kenny and Crystal duped her into thinking Ace didn't have her best interests in hand and that Ace would have never gotten rid of her. Frankly, this is English wonk shit, but Sugar buys it and gets all teary eyed.
Susie is now in the power position. She wants top 3 and asks Marcus to promise her that. Marcus has a hard time with that since he has her at about top 6.
Tree mail. This next challenge is sponsored by Viagra. Vivaaaaaaaaa Viagra. The challenge is called "keep it up" (GET IT, HUH HUH??). Survivors have to hold their hands out palm down and have a pole on each hand that goes up to a platform. They have to stand that way until the last person is out. This apparently really hard cause Crystal, the OLYMPIAN, lasts 1 second. Sugar lasts 10. Susie, Randy and Corrine go out next. It comes down to Leonardo and Bob. Leonardo is being a total smart ass and the Probster is trying to warn him not to screw around. Lots of images of Leonardo's poles getting PERILOUSLY close to the edge of the platform. Bob shifts once and his poles fall. Leonardo and Fang win immunity!!
Kota has to go to tribal. Swagger dick that he is, Randy shoots his mouth off that he doesn't really care that they won immunity.
At Kota, Crystal works on Susie to get rid of Marcus. Susie tells her Marcus promised her final 3. Say what? Are you a crazy white lady or something? He can't deliver final 3.
Tribal. Probst begins by asking Crystal what it’s like for her and Ken to spend time with Kota. She says Kota camp is like corporate espionage – you wear the suit but don’t know what’s going on in people’s heads. But at Fang, it’s the projects. Kenny makes a plea. I guess he was the other one on the chopping block. Bob: "tonight's vote is a clear cut decision". Time to vote. Apparently Susie believed Crystal 'cause Marcus or Marc-ACE as Kenny writes it, is the next survivor to go.
Head on back to camp.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Amazing Race Week 5
Thank you, cbs.com for putting the entire episode online this year and saving my ass, since my VCR crapped out on me. This summary is being done in real time as I watch.
Where did we leave the race? Oh yeah, New Zealand with the Cheaters in first and Starr nursing an injured arm. Teams have to fly to Cambodia and find a gas pumping place for their next clue.
At the Auckland airport there's a "Flight Centre" area where you can apparently check on all flights. Not sure if this really exists or if it's something Travelocity put in just for the show. Cheaters find out there are only 2 flights available, the first at 12:25 pm to Singapore. "Oooh, Terence and Sarah might not make it". Cut to Terence and Sarah driving down the highway and getting pulled over for doing 117 in a 100 zone. Sarah: "Damn, that surprises me 'cause I always thought you drove like a little old woman". T/S get to the airport and are able to make the INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT with only minutes to spare. Huh. How is that even possible and, is it me, or is there no security checkpoints OR OTHER TRAVELERS in Auckland??
Nick and Starr leave the pitt. Starr's arm is amazingly healed. Andrew and Dan leave the pitt "Where the hell is Cambodia??"
Next flight leaves at 4:55 pm. Trouble in the Flight Center as Kelly and Christy mock Dallas's hair, now calling him Teen Wolf. Man, I know I went to high school with these bitches' mothers. These 2 teams plus Nick and Starr get on the second flight. Andrew and Dan are trying to book it, Dan is dancing around all happy when they agent tells him it's doubtful. Hey, where were these oh so friggin helpful ticket agents, calling the gate and stuff, when I used to travel?? Clearly we are not using American Airlines for this leg of the race. No chance of getting on today's flights. Meanwhile, Aja and Ty are still driving to the airport.
Commercial break
Once we're back, Andrew and Dan manage to ask the ticket agent (and, again, there are no friggin people in this airport) at Emirates Airlines and lo and behold, they do make the flight. I wonder if Emirates flies to Seattle??
The second flight catches up with the first in Singapore. Aja and Ty use their time arguing about why Aja has to ask for a kiss. Well, if you have to ask...
Taxi race to wing wang road (or something like that). Kelly and Christy's driver takes them to a gas station, where they run around yelling "Clue Box" and someone points them to the restroom. So, next time you are in Cambodia and have to pee, just start yelling "Clue Box". Once at the gas station, teams have to chose a truck and use possibly the most unsafe method I have ever friggin seen to fill the gas tanks with 25 gallons of diesel. Seriously, this is whack. I think it might be safer to suck the gas up the tube with your mouth and then fill the tank.
Nick and Starr get there first and finish first, Kelly and Christie are touring all of the gas stations in Cambodia. Teams now have to go to ying yang something or other, which is SE Asia's biggest lake (haha, like we all didn't already know that!) and take some crappy looking boat to a floating restaurant.
Andrew and Dan, of course can't get their thingy to pump. Don't know why cause it looks like a damn big old keg. Ken: "dudes, it's just like pulling down the zipper and letting it fly". And, now we know why he's called the Cheater. Toni and Dallas done, Cheaters are done, Terence and Sarah done.
Aja and Ty just now arrive in Cambodia, which seems really fast to me.
Kelly and Christie, done. Frats still scratching their asses. Dan gets it going finally.
Big boat race to the restaurant, following a big flat bed truck race to the boats. Cheaters keep getting passed. Aja and Ty seem to be catching up but who knows with the editing. Ah, finally, time out for the "wow these people are living in poverty" speech, this one by Kelly/Christie. I mean, there's not even a Nordstroms for miles. God, I hope they don't have to eat anything here. Terence and Sarah's boat breaks down right near the restaurant. Terence rows. Hey, Sarah, get your fat ass back and row.
Detour: Village life or Village Work. Village life-teams have to pick up 3 items. For some reason, a pair of joke teeth from the dentist, a doll from the tailor and a basketball, which each member has to shoot into a basket. Here I thought Village life was hard! in Village work, teams wade in the muddy water to a fishing area, search among the traps for a trap with fish in it and transfer the fist into baskets back at the dock. Um, I think it's a no brainer myself.
For some reason only the cheaters do the life thing, Nick/Starr and Toni/Dallas do the work thing which is looking harder. Can I just say again, that Toni is so under the radar but so tough. Terence and Sarah do life since they stumble upon the basketball court. Kelly and Christie come upon the basketball court and see the Cheaters so they decide to start throwing baskets. "Wait, do we need to find, like a clue box or something Kelly?" Frat boys do the fishing thing. This should be good.
After the detour, teams have to go to Ankhor something and find some temple. Roadblock (big shock there). One member has to search the grounds for a room called the echo chamber and thump their chests to make the echo. Nick gets it first, and it's on to the pitt. Nick lies to Mrs. Cheater on the way out in the most religious site in Cambodia. Niiiiice. Cheater woman walks in and out of the chamber, like twice. How the heck did she catch her husband cheating if she's so blind?? She finally finds the clue (did she thump her chest??) and then can't find her way out.
Team # 1-Nick and Starr. They win a trip to St. John, USVI.
Frats arrive at the temple. "Oh, look at that, it's the original Playboy Mansion".
It comes down to a race between the frats and Aja and Ty through some other temple, and Aja and Ty are the last team to arrive and are eliminated. Phil, playing Dr. Phil, asks, "so what's next? Do you hate each other?" No, Ty is moving to be with Aja. Awwwwwww. I give it 3 months.
Where did we leave the race? Oh yeah, New Zealand with the Cheaters in first and Starr nursing an injured arm. Teams have to fly to Cambodia and find a gas pumping place for their next clue.
At the Auckland airport there's a "Flight Centre" area where you can apparently check on all flights. Not sure if this really exists or if it's something Travelocity put in just for the show. Cheaters find out there are only 2 flights available, the first at 12:25 pm to Singapore. "Oooh, Terence and Sarah might not make it". Cut to Terence and Sarah driving down the highway and getting pulled over for doing 117 in a 100 zone. Sarah: "Damn, that surprises me 'cause I always thought you drove like a little old woman". T/S get to the airport and are able to make the INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT with only minutes to spare. Huh. How is that even possible and, is it me, or is there no security checkpoints OR OTHER TRAVELERS in Auckland??
Nick and Starr leave the pitt. Starr's arm is amazingly healed. Andrew and Dan leave the pitt "Where the hell is Cambodia??"
Next flight leaves at 4:55 pm. Trouble in the Flight Center as Kelly and Christy mock Dallas's hair, now calling him Teen Wolf. Man, I know I went to high school with these bitches' mothers. These 2 teams plus Nick and Starr get on the second flight. Andrew and Dan are trying to book it, Dan is dancing around all happy when they agent tells him it's doubtful. Hey, where were these oh so friggin helpful ticket agents, calling the gate and stuff, when I used to travel?? Clearly we are not using American Airlines for this leg of the race. No chance of getting on today's flights. Meanwhile, Aja and Ty are still driving to the airport.
Commercial break
Once we're back, Andrew and Dan manage to ask the ticket agent (and, again, there are no friggin people in this airport) at Emirates Airlines and lo and behold, they do make the flight. I wonder if Emirates flies to Seattle??
The second flight catches up with the first in Singapore. Aja and Ty use their time arguing about why Aja has to ask for a kiss. Well, if you have to ask...
Taxi race to wing wang road (or something like that). Kelly and Christy's driver takes them to a gas station, where they run around yelling "Clue Box" and someone points them to the restroom. So, next time you are in Cambodia and have to pee, just start yelling "Clue Box". Once at the gas station, teams have to chose a truck and use possibly the most unsafe method I have ever friggin seen to fill the gas tanks with 25 gallons of diesel. Seriously, this is whack. I think it might be safer to suck the gas up the tube with your mouth and then fill the tank.
Nick and Starr get there first and finish first, Kelly and Christie are touring all of the gas stations in Cambodia. Teams now have to go to ying yang something or other, which is SE Asia's biggest lake (haha, like we all didn't already know that!) and take some crappy looking boat to a floating restaurant.
Andrew and Dan, of course can't get their thingy to pump. Don't know why cause it looks like a damn big old keg. Ken: "dudes, it's just like pulling down the zipper and letting it fly". And, now we know why he's called the Cheater. Toni and Dallas done, Cheaters are done, Terence and Sarah done.
Aja and Ty just now arrive in Cambodia, which seems really fast to me.
Kelly and Christie, done. Frats still scratching their asses. Dan gets it going finally.
Big boat race to the restaurant, following a big flat bed truck race to the boats. Cheaters keep getting passed. Aja and Ty seem to be catching up but who knows with the editing. Ah, finally, time out for the "wow these people are living in poverty" speech, this one by Kelly/Christie. I mean, there's not even a Nordstroms for miles. God, I hope they don't have to eat anything here. Terence and Sarah's boat breaks down right near the restaurant. Terence rows. Hey, Sarah, get your fat ass back and row.
Detour: Village life or Village Work. Village life-teams have to pick up 3 items. For some reason, a pair of joke teeth from the dentist, a doll from the tailor and a basketball, which each member has to shoot into a basket. Here I thought Village life was hard! in Village work, teams wade in the muddy water to a fishing area, search among the traps for a trap with fish in it and transfer the fist into baskets back at the dock. Um, I think it's a no brainer myself.
For some reason only the cheaters do the life thing, Nick/Starr and Toni/Dallas do the work thing which is looking harder. Can I just say again, that Toni is so under the radar but so tough. Terence and Sarah do life since they stumble upon the basketball court. Kelly and Christie come upon the basketball court and see the Cheaters so they decide to start throwing baskets. "Wait, do we need to find, like a clue box or something Kelly?" Frat boys do the fishing thing. This should be good.
After the detour, teams have to go to Ankhor something and find some temple. Roadblock (big shock there). One member has to search the grounds for a room called the echo chamber and thump their chests to make the echo. Nick gets it first, and it's on to the pitt. Nick lies to Mrs. Cheater on the way out in the most religious site in Cambodia. Niiiiice. Cheater woman walks in and out of the chamber, like twice. How the heck did she catch her husband cheating if she's so blind?? She finally finds the clue (did she thump her chest??) and then can't find her way out.
Team # 1-Nick and Starr. They win a trip to St. John, USVI.
Frats arrive at the temple. "Oh, look at that, it's the original Playboy Mansion".
It comes down to a race between the frats and Aja and Ty through some other temple, and Aja and Ty are the last team to arrive and are eliminated. Phil, playing Dr. Phil, asks, "so what's next? Do you hate each other?" No, Ty is moving to be with Aja. Awwwwwww. I give it 3 months.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Survivor Gabon Week 6
Ok, so Matty starts the episode sitting around carving his girlfriend a ring. Ace sits around jawboning about who he will lure into his alliance: "I just don't know who will be my potential Benedict Arnold." GAG. Who says shit like this??? Then he and Ace make a promise to stick together. I didn't catch if Matty actually gave Ace the ring to seal the promise and thereby getting himself engaged to the faux Englishman.
If it's Survivor, it must be all about rice. Dan eats too much of it and people are getting a little hot. Corrine is mad about the rice. Same thing over at Fang.
Ace corners Sugar and tells her in his smarmy English accent everyone knows she has the idol. Then, he lets this HUGE silence fill the hut. And, as anyone who has ever worked with someone with an English accent knows, he could have been reading the phone book and Sugar would have thought him jolly brilliant. So, to fill in the void, she offers him the idol to hold from her. Weeeeeelllllll, geee, I dunno about that Sugar. I gueeeeeeesssss I could HOLD it for you. He puts it in his pants and now has 2 precious idols in there. Oh, Sugar is wearing the leopard bathing suit today. She says to the camera, "I know he's a snake, but he's my snake".
Speaking of snakes (man, how do they get these people to just happen to say the perfect segways?) it's time for reward challenge. Chase the snake. Which, isn't what I was thinking it was going to be, darn it. Teams run around in a circle carrying a 200 lb snake and one team has to catch the other.
Fang sucks at this game. Sugar and Kelly drop out almost immediately. The Olympian goes out next. For Kota, Susie drops out about half of the way around the track. The rest keep up a great pace, including Orville in his buff bow tie. Man, can I just mention that he stays in the background because he is absolutely covered with dirt? It ends up being Matty and Ace carrying the snake getting chased by most of Kota. As Jeff says, "Not even close". OH, crap, I forgot. WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PLAYING FOR? Cheese danish and coffee/tea. Kota gets the food and gets to eat some in front of Fang. Crystal is in tears of frustration at losing again. Randy has the balls so say "wah wah wah" and grovel at how much he loves to win. Sugar gets sent to exile and cries at how unfair it is she gets to eat fruit while her tribe starves. Hey, do we know for sure that there is only one idol hidden??
Kota, leery about Dan's tapeworm, decides to split the pastries so people can eat them when they want. Dan SUCKS his down and wants to know what time dinner is. Um, ya just ate it you a-hole.
Kelly apparently hates tears cause she's all over Crystal for crying in front of Fang and showing her weakness. Which is rich considering NO ONE SHOWS THEIR WEAKNESS like lazy ass Kelly. Kelly and Ace go into the woods to talk about the crying incident (and, can I say it's not like she cried and dropped to the ground and did the 3 stooges roll in a circle tantrum). What pisses me off is Ace saying Sugar cries from emotion, which is not the same thing as Crystal's crying.
Kota catches a turtle and cooks it up (oh PETA....). For their sake I hope the next challenge comes with Rolaids. Randy-"slurp slurp I wuv this, grunt slurp" CLASS.
Immunity Challenge: teams are split into 3's, tethered, and they have to run into the jungle over and under some bamboo shit and untie a couple of pieces of a flagpole, which they have to put together at the end.
First up: Randy and Bob vs Sugar and Kelly. No contest. Kelly stops on the way back to look for some 4 leaf clovers. Next up, Corrine and Charlie vs Ace and Crystal. Ace keeps saying "come on" to Crystal but I notice Crystal is always in the lead of the 2. Ace gets whacked with the flagpoles but they make up some time. Finally, Dan and Marcus take on Matty and Ken. Matty and Ken kick ass and pass Kota. (note: anyone catch Jeff running along side to call the challenge? It was pretty funny) The 2 teams are neck and neck but Ace-hole has to put it together himself and Kota wins immunity.
Fang has to do the manipulations again. Crystal hates Ace and wants him out. Ace wants Kelly to go home. Matty wants to flush the idol out of Sugar but Ace stares him down and says "we don't have to worry about that wink wink". Crystal figures out that Matty is a fairy who keeps running back to Ace telling him everything everyone is saying. Ken goes after Sugar and has a conversation with her in the jungle (this from a man who couldn't hold a conversation with a woman on week 1) and she tells him she gave the idol to Ace. "Was that wrong? Should I get it back?" Um, HELL YES. Sugar takes the idol back and tells Ace she now has it. "You don't mind do you?" He now has no hard idols in his pants.
Tribal Council. Sugar is wearing her full out cat suit. How does she keep her clothes clean and how come she has so many of them? And, is it really wise to run around the jungle in animal print??
Jeff gives his instant pop psych diagnosis of no teamwork. Crystal almost has a seizure getting out that Ace wouldn't let anyone help with the flagpole. Kelly goes on about Crystal crying again, says "I didn't say it's a sign of weakness, I said it's a sign on being unstable". WHOA. Kelly throws Ace under the bus saying, "Ace said it too". Ace tells her "I'm surprised you understood anything I said". OOOOHHHHHH. But, if I can digress for one second here. PEOPLE, THE WORD IS FRUSTRATED NOT FUSTRATED. God, that just gets up my ass when people say that word wrong. Same with NUCLEAR but for god sake, let's not get into politics here.
In the end, Kelly (or Kelli as Ace spells it) is the 6th person votes out of Gabon.
If it's Survivor, it must be all about rice. Dan eats too much of it and people are getting a little hot. Corrine is mad about the rice. Same thing over at Fang.
Ace corners Sugar and tells her in his smarmy English accent everyone knows she has the idol. Then, he lets this HUGE silence fill the hut. And, as anyone who has ever worked with someone with an English accent knows, he could have been reading the phone book and Sugar would have thought him jolly brilliant. So, to fill in the void, she offers him the idol to hold from her. Weeeeeelllllll, geee, I dunno about that Sugar. I gueeeeeeesssss I could HOLD it for you. He puts it in his pants and now has 2 precious idols in there. Oh, Sugar is wearing the leopard bathing suit today. She says to the camera, "I know he's a snake, but he's my snake".
Speaking of snakes (man, how do they get these people to just happen to say the perfect segways?) it's time for reward challenge. Chase the snake. Which, isn't what I was thinking it was going to be, darn it. Teams run around in a circle carrying a 200 lb snake and one team has to catch the other.
Fang sucks at this game. Sugar and Kelly drop out almost immediately. The Olympian goes out next. For Kota, Susie drops out about half of the way around the track. The rest keep up a great pace, including Orville in his buff bow tie. Man, can I just mention that he stays in the background because he is absolutely covered with dirt? It ends up being Matty and Ace carrying the snake getting chased by most of Kota. As Jeff says, "Not even close". OH, crap, I forgot. WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PLAYING FOR? Cheese danish and coffee/tea. Kota gets the food and gets to eat some in front of Fang. Crystal is in tears of frustration at losing again. Randy has the balls so say "wah wah wah" and grovel at how much he loves to win. Sugar gets sent to exile and cries at how unfair it is she gets to eat fruit while her tribe starves. Hey, do we know for sure that there is only one idol hidden??
Kota, leery about Dan's tapeworm, decides to split the pastries so people can eat them when they want. Dan SUCKS his down and wants to know what time dinner is. Um, ya just ate it you a-hole.
Kelly apparently hates tears cause she's all over Crystal for crying in front of Fang and showing her weakness. Which is rich considering NO ONE SHOWS THEIR WEAKNESS like lazy ass Kelly. Kelly and Ace go into the woods to talk about the crying incident (and, can I say it's not like she cried and dropped to the ground and did the 3 stooges roll in a circle tantrum). What pisses me off is Ace saying Sugar cries from emotion, which is not the same thing as Crystal's crying.
Kota catches a turtle and cooks it up (oh PETA....). For their sake I hope the next challenge comes with Rolaids. Randy-"slurp slurp I wuv this, grunt slurp" CLASS.
Immunity Challenge: teams are split into 3's, tethered, and they have to run into the jungle over and under some bamboo shit and untie a couple of pieces of a flagpole, which they have to put together at the end.
First up: Randy and Bob vs Sugar and Kelly. No contest. Kelly stops on the way back to look for some 4 leaf clovers. Next up, Corrine and Charlie vs Ace and Crystal. Ace keeps saying "come on" to Crystal but I notice Crystal is always in the lead of the 2. Ace gets whacked with the flagpoles but they make up some time. Finally, Dan and Marcus take on Matty and Ken. Matty and Ken kick ass and pass Kota. (note: anyone catch Jeff running along side to call the challenge? It was pretty funny) The 2 teams are neck and neck but Ace-hole has to put it together himself and Kota wins immunity.
Fang has to do the manipulations again. Crystal hates Ace and wants him out. Ace wants Kelly to go home. Matty wants to flush the idol out of Sugar but Ace stares him down and says "we don't have to worry about that wink wink". Crystal figures out that Matty is a fairy who keeps running back to Ace telling him everything everyone is saying. Ken goes after Sugar and has a conversation with her in the jungle (this from a man who couldn't hold a conversation with a woman on week 1) and she tells him she gave the idol to Ace. "Was that wrong? Should I get it back?" Um, HELL YES. Sugar takes the idol back and tells Ace she now has it. "You don't mind do you?" He now has no hard idols in his pants.
Tribal Council. Sugar is wearing her full out cat suit. How does she keep her clothes clean and how come she has so many of them? And, is it really wise to run around the jungle in animal print??
Jeff gives his instant pop psych diagnosis of no teamwork. Crystal almost has a seizure getting out that Ace wouldn't let anyone help with the flagpole. Kelly goes on about Crystal crying again, says "I didn't say it's a sign of weakness, I said it's a sign on being unstable". WHOA. Kelly throws Ace under the bus saying, "Ace said it too". Ace tells her "I'm surprised you understood anything I said". OOOOHHHHHH. But, if I can digress for one second here. PEOPLE, THE WORD IS FRUSTRATED NOT FUSTRATED. God, that just gets up my ass when people say that word wrong. Same with NUCLEAR but for god sake, let's not get into politics here.
In the end, Kelly (or Kelli as Ace spells it) is the 6th person votes out of Gabon.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Survivor Gabon: Week 4/5
OK, so the official CBS site has this as episode 5, which means week one was episode 1 and 2. And, if you care about those things, for total accuracy sake (and this summary is nothing if not accurate), I'll call it 5.
First off, we need more Probst this season. Write to your congressmen. He or She will probably be happy for a non-robocall complaint letter this season anyway.
Night 12. Ace is yammering on about Jacque going, and, wait, HIS ACCENT IS TOTALLY GONE. LOL. You damn poser. Sugar returns the next morning, all sunshine and light, and immediately explains that she spent the night in the Sugar Shack instead of looking for the idol. DING DING DING. Crystal's head whips around and she's convinced she has the idol.
Over on Kota Orville Redenbacker bags an electric fish. They also catch 5 other fish (which is it me or is someone calling them Tilapia?) and Randy think it's Thanksgiving. But, then again, maybe when you are in jail for Kiddie Porn over the holiday they do serve you fish.
This episode is brought to you by the Elephant Council. On Fang, Mattie finds an elephant and brings the whole tribe down to the water to ooh and aaah. Ace and Joey kayak out to get in this massive elephant's face. I don't know about you but I was friggin hoarse from yelling, "Kill the fake English one".
Reward Challenge: Fruit Toss. Wanna know what you're playing for" A friggin herb garden. Yea, that'll bring the wildlife a little closer to camp, won't it Jeff? So, basically in this challenge one person stands in front of a net with a pole and the other team has to throw fruit through the hole without it getting whacked. Man, HOW DO THEY THINK OF THIS STUFF??
The challenge goes pretty much the way you would think, one highlight being Ace getting whacked by a pineapple. Kota figures out to throw multiple pieces of fruit at once to confound the fruit whacker. Fang ends up with 16 lbs of fruit, Kota 18. Kota gets the herbs and sends Sugar back to exile. As she leaves, she tells Jeff "I already know the way", and probably also mouths-"and so do you big boy". Sugar fills herself up on.....fruit on Exile.
High on some herb, Dan gets all emphatic that the new Kota has to stay together against the evil Fang. It's kind of an uncomfortable moment. You can kind of see why he's a washed up lawyer.
On Fang, Crystal slips into mommy mode and while fighting with GC, she just keeps saying, "eat your rice". I kept waiting for the second part of that statement "cause there are kids starving in Africa" but they probably edited it out. Ace is observing this like the slimy fake limey he is.
Tree Mail: Some kind of gravity challenge. GC ain't used to all these damn white people and their talking and shit, so he takes the boat out and disappears. OOOOOH, maybe this is the death and dismembering episode. But, no, he returns just as the pissed off tribe is about to leave for the challenge.
Immunity Challenge: Human Pinball. Teams throw big Martha Stewart balls down a hill and into blindfolded team members who, with the help of a "caller" have to deflect the balls. Ace and Sugar are one blocking team and Dan/Randy are another. Sugar apparently has soured on Ace, as she totally sucks at this challenge. At one point, Ace gets hit with Dan's shield and falls to the ground crying like the damn English boarding school fairy he is. Dan and Randy rock it and, with a little help from a fake call from Randy, they win immunity.
Over on Fang, someone has to go. GC decides it's a little too hard out there for a pimp and begs to go. Crystal does a little bag sniffing and finds the idol in Sugar's bag. They talk up a good game about getting rid of Sugar now when she least expects it, but eventually GC is just too friggin annoying to keep around.
Bye GC.
First off, we need more Probst this season. Write to your congressmen. He or She will probably be happy for a non-robocall complaint letter this season anyway.
Night 12. Ace is yammering on about Jacque going, and, wait, HIS ACCENT IS TOTALLY GONE. LOL. You damn poser. Sugar returns the next morning, all sunshine and light, and immediately explains that she spent the night in the Sugar Shack instead of looking for the idol. DING DING DING. Crystal's head whips around and she's convinced she has the idol.
Over on Kota Orville Redenbacker bags an electric fish. They also catch 5 other fish (which is it me or is someone calling them Tilapia?) and Randy think it's Thanksgiving. But, then again, maybe when you are in jail for Kiddie Porn over the holiday they do serve you fish.
This episode is brought to you by the Elephant Council. On Fang, Mattie finds an elephant and brings the whole tribe down to the water to ooh and aaah. Ace and Joey kayak out to get in this massive elephant's face. I don't know about you but I was friggin hoarse from yelling, "Kill the fake English one".
Reward Challenge: Fruit Toss. Wanna know what you're playing for" A friggin herb garden. Yea, that'll bring the wildlife a little closer to camp, won't it Jeff? So, basically in this challenge one person stands in front of a net with a pole and the other team has to throw fruit through the hole without it getting whacked. Man, HOW DO THEY THINK OF THIS STUFF??
The challenge goes pretty much the way you would think, one highlight being Ace getting whacked by a pineapple. Kota figures out to throw multiple pieces of fruit at once to confound the fruit whacker. Fang ends up with 16 lbs of fruit, Kota 18. Kota gets the herbs and sends Sugar back to exile. As she leaves, she tells Jeff "I already know the way", and probably also mouths-"and so do you big boy". Sugar fills herself up on.....fruit on Exile.
High on some herb, Dan gets all emphatic that the new Kota has to stay together against the evil Fang. It's kind of an uncomfortable moment. You can kind of see why he's a washed up lawyer.
On Fang, Crystal slips into mommy mode and while fighting with GC, she just keeps saying, "eat your rice". I kept waiting for the second part of that statement "cause there are kids starving in Africa" but they probably edited it out. Ace is observing this like the slimy fake limey he is.
Tree Mail: Some kind of gravity challenge. GC ain't used to all these damn white people and their talking and shit, so he takes the boat out and disappears. OOOOOH, maybe this is the death and dismembering episode. But, no, he returns just as the pissed off tribe is about to leave for the challenge.
Immunity Challenge: Human Pinball. Teams throw big Martha Stewart balls down a hill and into blindfolded team members who, with the help of a "caller" have to deflect the balls. Ace and Sugar are one blocking team and Dan/Randy are another. Sugar apparently has soured on Ace, as she totally sucks at this challenge. At one point, Ace gets hit with Dan's shield and falls to the ground crying like the damn English boarding school fairy he is. Dan and Randy rock it and, with a little help from a fake call from Randy, they win immunity.
Over on Fang, someone has to go. GC decides it's a little too hard out there for a pimp and begs to go. Crystal does a little bag sniffing and finds the idol in Sugar's bag. They talk up a good game about getting rid of Sugar now when she least expects it, but eventually GC is just too friggin annoying to keep around.
Bye GC.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Amazing Race Week 3
Hootergate! This episode starts with the strangest accusations I've heard since my last McCain robocall. Christy accuses Starr of pushing her sports bra off the ledge at the last pitt stop. Christy and Kelly vow revenge. Um, I didn't think Christy's boobs were so big that the lack of a sports bra would disqualify them, but I maybe it was her lucky sports bra?
Teams must now fly to La Paz (not to be confused with La Pez, where everyone's neck spits out candy), which Phil informs us IS LITERALLLY BREATHTAKING. Once in La Paz, they have to find one of the many Simon Bolivar statues and wait for the morning paper delivery.
No airport drama this time around so we get lots if time for the teams to give their interviews. I go and get another beer at this point. Teams arrive in La Paz and find the traffic island with the Simon Bolivar statue. You know it's the right one because a woman IN WHAT IS TRADITIONAL BOLIVIAN GARB CIRCA 1950 hands them an AUTHENTIC BOLIVIAN BLANKET and they all settle down for a homeless sleepover.
Morning and everyone is putting on makeup and getting all gelled up for another day on TV. Nick takes the divorcees aside and tries to smooth things over with them related to hootergate. You immediately see WHY Christy and Kelly are divorced, when they still think Starr de-bra'd them at the last pitt stop. Nick walks away, no doubt muttering "bit^&s".
Sarah and Terence have decided to do a manage a trois and bring in a local girl to share in their miserable relationship. The newspapers are delivered and teams have to paw through the spanish newspapers to find the ad, IN A BOX AND IN ENGLISH, of a hat sale. Hmmm, that's rough. Teams have to make their way to a hat and shoe store and buy a TRADITIONAL CHOLITA HAT. Andrew and Dan find it first and jump in a cab, reading out loud "please hold on to your hat", ominously... The southern belles can't read and can't give the newspaper candy so they are the last to figure it out.
Detour: Music March or Bumpy Ride. "In Musical March, teams had to make their way on foot to two plazas several blocks apart where they needed to collect musicians and form a band. Then they had to make their way to Plaza Abaroa and exchange the band members for their next clue. In Bumpy Ride, teams made their way on foot to Mercado de las Brujas where they had to ride a locally crafted bicycle in a harrowing, bone rattling trip down cobblestone streets to Plaza Abaroa" (I'm just cutting and pasting that whole paragraph from cbs.com).
Locally crafted means "hewn" (I always wanted to use that word) out of wood. Actually they look like what Ax-murders get to do on craft day in prison. Andrew and Dan chose to make music together and TAKE OFF ON FOOT AS THE CLUE INSTRUCTS". Terence and Sarah jump in a cab to do the detour. Ooooooh. Good thing they have a spanish interpreter to help them out with the English clues. Mark and Bill miss that part as well and take a cab to the bike thing. Terence and Sarah read the clue in the cab, FREAK THE HELL OUT, and go back and walk on foot.
Music March: Andrew and Dan, Marissa and Brooke
Bikes: MARK/BILL, TERENCE/SARAH, KELLY/CHRISTY, TONI/DALLAS, NICK/STARR, KEN/TINA, TY/AJA
Anyone get why the bike riders have to wear helmets with feathers? I must have missed that part. What I didn't miss was the bad Karma getting beat out of Christy as she fell and SLAMMED her head against a wall while doing the bike challenge. (Becky-nice to hear you waited until you knew she was OK before laughing. I'm not that nice, obviously...). Mark is also almost killed when his "bike" careens through and intersection and is saved by a driver avoiding him. I expected the next Travelocity commercial to be all about their new "travel insurance".
Both detours arrive at the same plaza where a detour is waiting. (I'd explain what a detour is but Phil does a much better job) Also at the detour is the next clue directing them to Los Titanes Del Ring.
I have to hand it to Dallas and his mom. She is a real trooper and in pretty good shape. He lets her rest for a minute after completing the bike detour.
Arriving at Plaza , Nick & Starr propositioned Ty & Aja to U-turn Kelly & Christy.
The Cheaters arrive at Los titanes Del Ring and find out it's a ROADBLOCK. One team member has to hand over the hat to a lovely woman wrestler and then don tights and learn how to faux wrestle. Since the roadblock says, "who's ready for a fight", Ken heartily agrees. Ken looks really, um, like he's not going to be getting as many cheating opportunities once this clip is shown. He quickly learns the tricks and wrestles in front of the crowd. Tina is enjoying seeing him look like an idiot. They finish are receive their next clue to go to the Pitt stop. Although Ken made it look easy, a couple of the others have problems and have to go back for retraining.
Terence and Sarah see a red and yellow flag and have their cab driver stop while they investigate a local football game.
Waiting for Ty to wrestle, Aja walked up to Christy and told her that Starr asked them to U-turn Kelly & Christy. Hootergate is ON, baby.
Mark took 3 tries and a whiff of oxygen to finish the task.
Cheaters arrive first and a trip to Cabo, where Tina can continue her passive aggressive punishment. Apparently there's no penalty for Ken stealing the shirt, and I'm assuming the tights, from the wrestling roadblock.
Mark and Bill arrive at the Pitt Stop in 8th place, but receive a 30 minute penalty. Kelly and Christy step on the mat expecting to be eliminated but Phil is pleased to tell them that because of the penalty, they are in 8th place and have not been eliminated. Mark and Bill, on the other hand, are eliminated.
Teams must now fly to La Paz (not to be confused with La Pez, where everyone's neck spits out candy), which Phil informs us IS LITERALLLY BREATHTAKING. Once in La Paz, they have to find one of the many Simon Bolivar statues and wait for the morning paper delivery.
No airport drama this time around so we get lots if time for the teams to give their interviews. I go and get another beer at this point. Teams arrive in La Paz and find the traffic island with the Simon Bolivar statue. You know it's the right one because a woman IN WHAT IS TRADITIONAL BOLIVIAN GARB CIRCA 1950 hands them an AUTHENTIC BOLIVIAN BLANKET and they all settle down for a homeless sleepover.
Morning and everyone is putting on makeup and getting all gelled up for another day on TV. Nick takes the divorcees aside and tries to smooth things over with them related to hootergate. You immediately see WHY Christy and Kelly are divorced, when they still think Starr de-bra'd them at the last pitt stop. Nick walks away, no doubt muttering "bit^&s".
Sarah and Terence have decided to do a manage a trois and bring in a local girl to share in their miserable relationship. The newspapers are delivered and teams have to paw through the spanish newspapers to find the ad, IN A BOX AND IN ENGLISH, of a hat sale. Hmmm, that's rough. Teams have to make their way to a hat and shoe store and buy a TRADITIONAL CHOLITA HAT. Andrew and Dan find it first and jump in a cab, reading out loud "please hold on to your hat", ominously... The southern belles can't read and can't give the newspaper candy so they are the last to figure it out.
Detour: Music March or Bumpy Ride. "In Musical March, teams had to make their way on foot to two plazas several blocks apart where they needed to collect musicians and form a band. Then they had to make their way to Plaza Abaroa and exchange the band members for their next clue. In Bumpy Ride, teams made their way on foot to Mercado de las Brujas where they had to ride a locally crafted bicycle in a harrowing, bone rattling trip down cobblestone streets to Plaza Abaroa" (I'm just cutting and pasting that whole paragraph from cbs.com).
Locally crafted means "hewn" (I always wanted to use that word) out of wood. Actually they look like what Ax-murders get to do on craft day in prison. Andrew and Dan chose to make music together and TAKE OFF ON FOOT AS THE CLUE INSTRUCTS". Terence and Sarah jump in a cab to do the detour. Ooooooh. Good thing they have a spanish interpreter to help them out with the English clues. Mark and Bill miss that part as well and take a cab to the bike thing. Terence and Sarah read the clue in the cab, FREAK THE HELL OUT, and go back and walk on foot.
Music March: Andrew and Dan, Marissa and Brooke
Bikes: MARK/BILL, TERENCE/SARAH, KELLY/CHRISTY, TONI/DALLAS, NICK/STARR, KEN/TINA, TY/AJA
Anyone get why the bike riders have to wear helmets with feathers? I must have missed that part. What I didn't miss was the bad Karma getting beat out of Christy as she fell and SLAMMED her head against a wall while doing the bike challenge. (Becky-nice to hear you waited until you knew she was OK before laughing. I'm not that nice, obviously...). Mark is also almost killed when his "bike" careens through and intersection and is saved by a driver avoiding him. I expected the next Travelocity commercial to be all about their new "travel insurance".
Both detours arrive at the same plaza where a detour is waiting. (I'd explain what a detour is but Phil does a much better job) Also at the detour is the next clue directing them to Los Titanes Del Ring.
I have to hand it to Dallas and his mom. She is a real trooper and in pretty good shape. He lets her rest for a minute after completing the bike detour.
Arriving at Plaza , Nick & Starr propositioned Ty & Aja to U-turn Kelly & Christy.
The Cheaters arrive at Los titanes Del Ring and find out it's a ROADBLOCK. One team member has to hand over the hat to a lovely woman wrestler and then don tights and learn how to faux wrestle. Since the roadblock says, "who's ready for a fight", Ken heartily agrees. Ken looks really, um, like he's not going to be getting as many cheating opportunities once this clip is shown. He quickly learns the tricks and wrestles in front of the crowd. Tina is enjoying seeing him look like an idiot. They finish are receive their next clue to go to the Pitt stop. Although Ken made it look easy, a couple of the others have problems and have to go back for retraining.
Terence and Sarah see a red and yellow flag and have their cab driver stop while they investigate a local football game.
Waiting for Ty to wrestle, Aja walked up to Christy and told her that Starr asked them to U-turn Kelly & Christy. Hootergate is ON, baby.
Mark took 3 tries and a whiff of oxygen to finish the task.
Cheaters arrive first and a trip to Cabo, where Tina can continue her passive aggressive punishment. Apparently there's no penalty for Ken stealing the shirt, and I'm assuming the tights, from the wrestling roadblock.
Mark and Bill arrive at the Pitt Stop in 8th place, but receive a 30 minute penalty. Kelly and Christy step on the mat expecting to be eliminated but Phil is pleased to tell them that because of the penalty, they are in 8th place and have not been eliminated. Mark and Bill, on the other hand, are eliminated.
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