Survivor Gabon: Week 4/5

OK, so the official CBS site has this as episode 5, which means week one was episode 1 and 2. And, if you care about those things, for total accuracy sake (and this summary is nothing if not accurate), I'll call it 5.

First off, we need more Probst this season. Write to your congressmen. He or She will probably be happy for a non-robocall complaint letter this season anyway.

Night 12. Ace is yammering on about Jacque going, and, wait, HIS ACCENT IS TOTALLY GONE. LOL. You damn poser. Sugar returns the next morning, all sunshine and light, and immediately explains that she spent the night in the Sugar Shack instead of looking for the idol. DING DING DING. Crystal's head whips around and she's convinced she has the idol.

Over on Kota Orville Redenbacker bags an electric fish. They also catch 5 other fish (which is it me or is someone calling them Tilapia?) and Randy think it's Thanksgiving. But, then again, maybe when you are in jail for Kiddie Porn over the holiday they do serve you fish.

This episode is brought to you by the Elephant Council. On Fang, Mattie finds an elephant and brings the whole tribe down to the water to ooh and aaah. Ace and Joey kayak out to get in this massive elephant's face. I don't know about you but I was friggin hoarse from yelling, "Kill the fake English one".

Reward Challenge: Fruit Toss. Wanna know what you're playing for" A friggin herb garden. Yea, that'll bring the wildlife a little closer to camp, won't it Jeff? So, basically in this challenge one person stands in front of a net with a pole and the other team has to throw fruit through the hole without it getting whacked. Man, HOW DO THEY THINK OF THIS STUFF??

The challenge goes pretty much the way you would think, one highlight being Ace getting whacked by a pineapple. Kota figures out to throw multiple pieces of fruit at once to confound the fruit whacker. Fang ends up with 16 lbs of fruit, Kota 18. Kota gets the herbs and sends Sugar back to exile. As she leaves, she tells Jeff "I already know the way", and probably also mouths-"and so do you big boy". Sugar fills herself up on.....fruit on Exile.

High on some herb, Dan gets all emphatic that the new Kota has to stay together against the evil Fang. It's kind of an uncomfortable moment. You can kind of see why he's a washed up lawyer.

On Fang, Crystal slips into mommy mode and while fighting with GC, she just keeps saying, "eat your rice". I kept waiting for the second part of that statement "cause there are kids starving in Africa" but they probably edited it out. Ace is observing this like the slimy fake limey he is.

Tree Mail: Some kind of gravity challenge. GC ain't used to all these damn white people and their talking and shit, so he takes the boat out and disappears. OOOOOH, maybe this is the death and dismembering episode. But, no, he returns just as the pissed off tribe is about to leave for the challenge.

Immunity Challenge: Human Pinball. Teams throw big Martha Stewart balls down a hill and into blindfolded team members who, with the help of a "caller" have to deflect the balls. Ace and Sugar are one blocking team and Dan/Randy are another. Sugar apparently has soured on Ace, as she totally sucks at this challenge. At one point, Ace gets hit with Dan's shield and falls to the ground crying like the damn English boarding school fairy he is. Dan and Randy rock it and, with a little help from a fake call from Randy, they win immunity.

Over on Fang, someone has to go. GC decides it's a little too hard out there for a pimp and begs to go. Crystal does a little bag sniffing and finds the idol in Sugar's bag. They talk up a good game about getting rid of Sugar now when she least expects it, but eventually GC is just too friggin annoying to keep around.

Bye GC.