Survivor Gabon Week 6

Ok, so Matty starts the episode sitting around carving his girlfriend a ring. Ace sits around jawboning about who he will lure into his alliance: "I just don't know who will be my potential Benedict Arnold." GAG. Who says shit like this??? Then he and Ace make a promise to stick together. I didn't catch if Matty actually gave Ace the ring to seal the promise and thereby getting himself engaged to the faux Englishman.

If it's Survivor, it must be all about rice. Dan eats too much of it and people are getting a little hot. Corrine is mad about the rice. Same thing over at Fang.

Ace corners Sugar and tells her in his smarmy English accent everyone knows she has the idol. Then, he lets this HUGE silence fill the hut. And, as anyone who has ever worked with someone with an English accent knows, he could have been reading the phone book and Sugar would have thought him jolly brilliant. So, to fill in the void, she offers him the idol to hold from her. Weeeeeelllllll, geee, I dunno about that Sugar. I gueeeeeeesssss I could HOLD it for you. He puts it in his pants and now has 2 precious idols in there. Oh, Sugar is wearing the leopard bathing suit today. She says to the camera, "I know he's a snake, but he's my snake".

Speaking of snakes (man, how do they get these people to just happen to say the perfect segways?) it's time for reward challenge. Chase the snake. Which, isn't what I was thinking it was going to be, darn it. Teams run around in a circle carrying a 200 lb snake and one team has to catch the other.

Fang sucks at this game. Sugar and Kelly drop out almost immediately. The Olympian goes out next. For Kota, Susie drops out about half of the way around the track. The rest keep up a great pace, including Orville in his buff bow tie. Man, can I just mention that he stays in the background because he is absolutely covered with dirt? It ends up being Matty and Ace carrying the snake getting chased by most of Kota. As Jeff says, "Not even close". OH, crap, I forgot. WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PLAYING FOR? Cheese danish and coffee/tea. Kota gets the food and gets to eat some in front of Fang. Crystal is in tears of frustration at losing again. Randy has the balls so say "wah wah wah" and grovel at how much he loves to win. Sugar gets sent to exile and cries at how unfair it is she gets to eat fruit while her tribe starves. Hey, do we know for sure that there is only one idol hidden??

Kota, leery about Dan's tapeworm, decides to split the pastries so people can eat them when they want. Dan SUCKS his down and wants to know what time dinner is. Um, ya just ate it you a-hole.

Kelly apparently hates tears cause she's all over Crystal for crying in front of Fang and showing her weakness. Which is rich considering NO ONE SHOWS THEIR WEAKNESS like lazy ass Kelly. Kelly and Ace go into the woods to talk about the crying incident (and, can I say it's not like she cried and dropped to the ground and did the 3 stooges roll in a circle tantrum). What pisses me off is Ace saying Sugar cries from emotion, which is not the same thing as Crystal's crying.

Kota catches a turtle and cooks it up (oh PETA....). For their sake I hope the next challenge comes with Rolaids. Randy-"slurp slurp I wuv this, grunt slurp" CLASS.

Immunity Challenge: teams are split into 3's, tethered, and they have to run into the jungle over and under some bamboo shit and untie a couple of pieces of a flagpole, which they have to put together at the end.

First up: Randy and Bob vs Sugar and Kelly. No contest. Kelly stops on the way back to look for some 4 leaf clovers. Next up, Corrine and Charlie vs Ace and Crystal. Ace keeps saying "come on" to Crystal but I notice Crystal is always in the lead of the 2. Ace gets whacked with the flagpoles but they make up some time. Finally, Dan and Marcus take on Matty and Ken. Matty and Ken kick ass and pass Kota. (note: anyone catch Jeff running along side to call the challenge? It was pretty funny) The 2 teams are neck and neck but Ace-hole has to put it together himself and Kota wins immunity.

Fang has to do the manipulations again. Crystal hates Ace and wants him out. Ace wants Kelly to go home. Matty wants to flush the idol out of Sugar but Ace stares him down and says "we don't have to worry about that wink wink". Crystal figures out that Matty is a fairy who keeps running back to Ace telling him everything everyone is saying. Ken goes after Sugar and has a conversation with her in the jungle (this from a man who couldn't hold a conversation with a woman on week 1) and she tells him she gave the idol to Ace. "Was that wrong? Should I get it back?" Um, HELL YES. Sugar takes the idol back and tells Ace she now has it. "You don't mind do you?" He now has no hard idols in his pants.

Tribal Council. Sugar is wearing her full out cat suit. How does she keep her clothes clean and how come she has so many of them? And, is it really wise to run around the jungle in animal print??

Jeff gives his instant pop psych diagnosis of no teamwork. Crystal almost has a seizure getting out that Ace wouldn't let anyone help with the flagpole. Kelly goes on about Crystal crying again, says "I didn't say it's a sign of weakness, I said it's a sign on being unstable". WHOA. Kelly throws Ace under the bus saying, "Ace said it too". Ace tells her "I'm surprised you understood anything I said". OOOOHHHHHH. But, if I can digress for one second here. PEOPLE, THE WORD IS FRUSTRATED NOT FUSTRATED. God, that just gets up my ass when people say that word wrong. Same with NUCLEAR but for god sake, let's not get into politics here.

In the end, Kelly (or Kelli as Ace spells it) is the 6th person votes out of Gabon.