Survivor Update: Hell YES I ate your food

Hello!

I am sure you will all forgive me for forgoing my update last week.  I was lounging with my head in the oven and couldn't manage a funny update.

So what we missed were Zeke and David bonding, which was all over the previews anyway,  and Jay deciding he needed to do a BIG MOVE and take out Michaela before the merge because "she's a closer".  It's actually worth watching Michaela's reaction to being blindsided.  Hannah was totally left in the dark and is unhappy.

She's still unhappy this week.  Knows she's on the bottom and that Jay the cool BMOC thinks she's an idiot.  Never underestimate what a nerd feeling like an idiot can do for revenge.  

It's merge day!  Woop Woop! I am particularly happy because I can't stand trying to remember these tribe names and who is on what tribe.  So y'all have 5 minutes to gather your stuff and then go to Vanua and inhabit their beach as one tribe WITH FOOD AND WINE.  

Everyone is assuming they have their original alliance and the new people they met at summer camp.  Not everyone will be right in this assumption.  Bret is already seeing his new best friends hanging out once again at the cool kids table.  Bret and Chris realize they need their originals back.  

The nerds aka Hannah, Adam and Zeke are back together and sharing "intel".  Because that's what the smart people do.  They realize that Jay is the power core and is "very enchanting".  Zeke is particularly disgusted with the bro-lliance going on. 

Adam is smart enough as well to realize that there is usually a merge idol.  He goes out looking, and because they are hidden by freaking MORONS, finds one over tree mail.  It's not an idol but a NEW ADVANTAGE that allows the holder to steal an award already won right out of the winners hands.  Call me crazy but I believe this should be called the suicide advantage because it is going to lead to a world of bad feelings.  

Later that night, Taylor decides to raid the food basket and fills a giant mason jar (because he's good with jars) with dried bananas and other treats.  Bret wakes up because he's making so much noise, sees him doing it and rolls over.  Adam also sees him do it and scamper off to munch.  He joins Taylor and absurdly thinks this is some great bond they now have because he assumes Taylor would be too worried about people knowing he stole food and cower.  Adam doesn't understand how these assholes work where nothing embarrasses them or makes them feel in any way other than superior.  Adam goes on to point out to Taylor that Will is now Jay's right hand man and Taylor has been usurped.  I've always wanted to write a nice long paragraph like this and include the word usurp and now I'm wondering how many of you are actually still reading.   

Taylor is all, munching and probably thinking of Figgy's sexy stank breath, says, "what about Will?"  Adam I believe thinks bringing this info to Taylor will absolve him from voting out his woman.  Taylor isn't in any way buying it but Adam is so stupid he thinks he needs to add a special touch of stupid by confiding that he has this special advantage to prove his seriousness.  Basically Taylor's response is to burp dried banana and decide to vote off Adam.  

The next morning people notice food is missing.  Bret just flat out says it was Taylor.  People are mildly annoyed at Taylor but, hey, he's a pretty boy!  Everyone seems to be all on board to get rid of Taylor but as David says, "it's waaaaaay too early for that shit to stick".  

Taylor heads over to Jay and tells him that Adam wants Will out.  Jay is all WTF is with your people?  Taylor says, yea, he tells me he is now your right hand man.  Jay UNSURPRISINGLY says, how about we vote off Adam??

Fortunately, Zeke overhears.  He realizes Adam is a dumb fuck and worries if he is going to ruin the nerd alliance.  

Individual Immunity Challenge!!  It's supposedly a tougher take on a trademarked SURVIVOR CLASSIC.  Balance on a perch with your hands shackled overhead to a bucket.  Move and the bucket dumps water all over you and the bed at the Pottstown Motel 6.  

7 people are out after 20 minutes (Sunday, Chris, Bret, Jay, Zeke, Ken and Hannah who admitted to pain everywhere).  Within the next 40 minutes Michelle, Taylor, David and Adam drop leaving Jessica and Will who go at it for an hour and a half until Jessica drops leaving high school student Will as the winner of individual immunity.  

And now it's scramble time.  Taylor announces to the other Millennials that it's Adam.  Michelle thinks that's ridiculous and it's a personal rather than strategic move.  

Zeke tells Adam that Taylor told Jay basically everything he said, and Adam is like "so that's why Will worked so hard!"  He also pointed out that he was "playing to hard".  Zeke wonders if there is any chance to blindside Taylor.  He talks to the Xers who ponder whether it should be Jay/Taylor or Michelle and endlessly ponder who among them might have an idol.  Zeke worries he may need plan B since they can't make up their minds.  

Adam talks to his new buddy Taylor and says that Jay won't even look him in the eye.  Taylor basically says it's too late, man. It's 100% gonna be a revenge vote for Figgy because he "has his big boys back".  

Hannah pulls Adam aside and tells his to JUST STOP MAKING THINGS WORSE.  She says his problem has always been that he wanted to sit at the cool kids table.  

Adam debates whether or not to use his idol, because he's mainly afraid of using it when he doesn't have to and looking like a chump.

Tribal

Jeff asks David what the differences are between the Ms and the X's.  David says the Ms eat more.  

Taylor is all YUP I DID EAT THE FOOD.  He's all laughing and arrogant about it. Says he was hungry and it was a medical emergency

Chris points out that is's selfishness not game play

Taylor still doesn't get it and is all "Rock on dude, you people gotta CHILL.  

Adam moves on to the idea of loyalties shifting after summer camp.  They are not just M or X but other loyalties have been built up

David says it's not about people I trust vs people you trust

Jay's all "loyalty, YUP"

Jeff points out that everyone so far has said that right before their torch is snuffed.  

Will agrees that there is an objective with this vote but not everyone has the same objective. 

I really think someone is feeding them these platitudes.  

Jay: LINES WILL BE DRAWN TONIGHT

Michelle: TRUST WILL BE BROKEN AND REBUILT

Taylor:  DUUUUUDE, WORRYING DOESN'T MATTER and he looks at Adam who says, it's terrifying.

Time to vote and decide if you want to use your idol!  Nope?  Let's tally the votes, shall we?

Adam 4

Michelle 7

And if was FREAKING WORTH WATCHING just to see Jay's pretty boy stunned face.  

Survivor: Some Kind of MANCE Going On.

Good Tuesday to all!  Hope you all had a GREAT Halloween!  And if any of our studly men dressed as shirtless Ken for the holiday, PLEASE share your pics!!  He is just freaking yummy good. 

Am I the only one still with repressed high school feelings that brings out the visceral hatred of the "couple" of Figgy and Taylor?  Or did everyone else have to live through high school watching a perfect couple command undeserved attention simply because they had a partner when everyone else was just trying to get through the day?  LOL, so this week was DEEEEELISH.  

I actually looked up what the tribe names were this week.  We have Ikabula consisting of Hanna, Michaela, Jay, Will and Boston Brett.  Takali with the POWER COUPLE, Figgy and Taylor, Adam, Jessica and Shirtless Ken.  Vanua now has David and Chris, along with Zeke and Michele.  

All is happy at the Vanua tribe now that CiCi was voted out.  Zeke is thrilled and thinks the Xrs were silly to send their own home on the only tribe that they had the numbers.  He is now a REBORN player.  I still shake my head at anyone who chooses to go down the Survivor path with David as an alliance.  

Ikabala is hangry.  And hungry for idols.  Jay and Will go out looking for idols and find a strange stick with a tribe logo on it.  Jay breaks it open and finds the idol JUST AS MICHAELA comes round the bend.  Bad timing!  She's keeping quiet for now but if she gets wind of something going down, she's snitching.  

Challenge:  Figgy claps to see CeCe is gone because "I LOVE MICHELE!!!"  Oh, and um, you too Zeke.  Is that your name, Zeke?  Jeff points it out and Michele says the truth works really well on Survivor.  

It's the old blind being led by callers on platforms.  This time they are looking for 4 packets of puzzle pieces and the puzzle will be done while blindfolded as well.  Brett and Hannah sit it out. Wanna know?  They're playing for SUGAR HIGH!  Pie and Cookies and Brownies and Ice Tea and Milk!!  Second place just gets chocolate chip cookies.  

 David is SURPRISE awful, unable to tell his left from his right while blindfolded. Figgy, Jay and Michelle are the callers.  It's about what you would expect except the added drama of Hanna having a panic attack just watching.  They bring in Medical Bob who gets her to stop taking fast breaths, and her arms and hands stop cramping.  Hannah discusses with Jeff that she is prone to panic attacks.  He kinda tells her she's brave for coming out knowing she has them.  

Takali is the first back with all of their puzzle pieces but Vanilla comes from behind and wins.  Ikabana comes in second and Takoli gets nothing.  Figgy has the sads but I'm sure Taylor will like them away with his stinky, coated furry tongue.  

Back at camp Zeke is still stewing about Michelle's reception from Figgy.  He thinks it was a big mistake on Figgy's part and he now wants Michelle to go.  

On Takoli, the romance is brewing.  They even keep referring to themselves as a POWER COUPLE, just like I am SURE those king and queens of high school called themselves every night when they talked over their princess phones, conspiring to have THEIR favorite song be the prom theme.  

Taylor wants to keep sucking face at the lockers in the morning and lunchtime, so he talks Figgy into telling Jessica and Shirtless Ken that they are indeed a couple.  Both pretend to be shocked for about 3 seconds before acknowledging they were well aware of it.  Shirtless Ken:  These kids think this is a vacation.  It's not as cool as they think it is.  

Immunity Challenge

Race to the beach over balance beams, untie 6 bags with coconuts  but also with balls.  Use the 3 balls for a table maze,  

At first David doesn't suck but when heavy lifting of the coconut bags is required, he goes back to suckage.  Shirtless Ken falls off the balance beam but makes up the time hauling all of his nuts and balls (wink) up onto the beach at once.  

Doing the table maze are Figgy/Jessica, Michaela and Hannah, and Zeke/Michelle

I'm pretty surprised Hannah didn't have another panic attack, getting yelled at the whole time by Michaela.  DON'T EVEN MOVE.  But it works and Takali gets the big immunity idol.  

It's between the other 2 tribes and Michaela is offering advice to Zeke and Michelle.  They pull it out and get the second idol, leaving Figgy and Jessica with nothing.  

When asked why Michaela helped, she explains because she wants to keep the M numbers up.  "We have Millennials too" says Takali.  "You have the numbers.  If y'all can't figure out how to work together then you deserve to go home."

Adam feels like a double agent between the 2 couples.  Figgy, challenge loser that she is, says it has to be Ken.  Taylor agrees.  Adam leads them to think he agrees.  Taylor: "Maybe Adam is double crossing us".  hahahahaha, they really laugh that one up.  

Jessica talks to Adam.  He tells her the plan is Ken.  Jessica has shirtless Ken go TALK TO ADAM AND PROMISE HIM UNDYING SUPPORT.  Ken does, saying his has his back until the end.  He could totally have my entire backside until the end, frankly.  

Tribal

Ken admits there is an obvious 3-2 split.

Taylor is confident all of the Ms are gonna stick together and worship at the POWER COUPLE heels.

Figgy says it's not really all peachy in M land, as ADAM ONCE VOTED FOR ME but I barely remember it I've forgiven his so long ago.

Jeff says something about Figgy looking at Adam as equal to all other M's and everyone laughs.

Adam isn't sure it's a romance or a shomance but some kind of mance is going on.  

Jeff asks: R U in Luv?

Taylor says that's a stretch

Ken says how HILARIOUS it was when they announced it, letting everyone now they are ridiculous if they think they are fooling anyone.

Jeff says he's an ordained minister and offers to  marry them.  

Figgy says it would be a Survivor First

Taylor seems to consider it

Figgy says they aren't really concerned that it's out because they are just 2 people who vote together like Ken and Jess.  

Adam says there's a bit of a difference between the 2 relationships. 

Figgy is laughing and saying yea, man, suck it up it just happened but we are still totally strategic.  

Ken says the numbers could change any time

Adam admits to Jeff that he is in the middle of high school. 

Taylor says if Adam flips, come the merger they would just vote his ass out.  

Adam says tonight is about the future and he likes who he is voting out.  "Someone will go home upset and someone will stay upset"

Figgy and Taylor just keep holding hands and laughing.

Time to vote

 

Still hand holding and laughing but now Adam has a sly smile on his face.  Bye bye Figgy!  Sorry Taylor but she'll be sleeping with the crew in about 4 hours.  

Good afternoon, and YES it is only Monday!!  I'm off to lay on the beach and pretend I'm on the kind of Survivor where the biggest problem is not making fire but cutting the limes for the gin and tonics evenly.

Paul was blindsided last time we talked.  Good.  His buddies Brett and Chris aren't happy.  Jessica tries to explain that their leader basically told them there might be a guys thing.  The mens are still angry and go off to whittle stuff.  Jessica starts wondering if getting rid of Paul was a mistake.  

Lucy doesn't trust Jessica.  She tells Sunday and Brett that Jessica is now pulling the strings.  She says Ken and Dave trust her and she can bring the numbers so they should let her lead them around by the short hairs.  Chris just wants Jessica gone.  

The M's are all hungry and start talking about seeing pig tracks AND HOLY AMAZING COINCIDENCE, there's a goat way up high on a hill.  What are the odds that would happen while the cameras are rolling??  All the cool kids run off to catch a goat.  Adam decides to instead spend time looking for an idol.  He does that thing Survivors do that creep me the hell out, thrusting their arms inside trees to feel around.  UGH, imaging what they are stirring up!!  He finds a map and realizes he has to keep looking.  

No goat is caught or hurt in the production of this episode.  

Bang, it's a reward challenge.  Race into the water, 2 from each tribe to grab a ring and them fight like hell until one tribe touches their goal post.  Wanna know?  Steak, sausage and a grill for the night.  It's basically a total shit show.  Although the pair of Chris and David actually do quite well.  The ladies get into it a bit and Michaela drops her top to get away from the scramble.  They do let her have her top back which I think is wrong.  Bottom line, Gen X wins reward.  

Zeke later exclaims "those guys are HUGE".  But Michaela is an Amazon woman.  And not the kind that sells and ships books overnight.  

Adam consoles himself with the knowledge that that was never gonna be his challenge.  He goes back to looking for the idol which has the clue "shell-tered".  He finds a giant clam shell on the beach with the patented Survivor logo and is rewarded with an idol.  Hannah sees him on the beach and asks "how's your idol search going??"  But we're unsure if she actually thinks he has one.  

Adam goes on to talk about his mom who has stage 4 lung cancer, making being on Survivor his biggest dream and his worst nightmare.  He talks about how excited she will be to see him find this idol.  Yea, that shit gets to me more than it used to.  

Dave, Ken and Lucy talk.  She refuses to give them any names unless and until they lost the immunity challenge.  She tells them she doesn't want to see them talking to anyone else about it.  Says it's Jess.  Ken gets all pissed off at the amount of rules and regulations Lucy gives them.  Thinks they have replaced one dictator with another.  

Immunity Challenge

Race over an obstacle course to a chair, which is pulled up and around a giant 3 level thingy with 30 numbers on boards.  They have to go up and around to get the numbers in order, stopping after every 10 to unload and switch people.  The Xers are in the lead after the number search and it's on to a giant multi word puzzle with 30 letters.  It's pretty hard since it takes over 45 minutes.  Jeff is all excited because his lab rats perform the puzzle differently.  The Xers actually moving letters around, the Mers figuring it out in their heads.  The millennial get it "Someone loses their fight tonight".  

Gen X is headed back to tribal.  Chris is planning to blindside Jess.  Lucy tells him that Ken and David are on board.  She proclaims herself a tiger mom who loves control and whose husband and kids apparently hate her.  Ken is pissed off.  "I'm done.  We're back on the bottom".  He decides that they should tell Jess and then bring in Sunday.  

Dave talks to CeCe and they decide it's Lucy.  Ken tells Jess that they want to blindside her and she doesn't totally believe it.  "Who says??"  "Lucy".  They tell her it's been decided and that she needs to talk to Sunday to get her to vote for Lucy.  Jess is suspicious  and goes to Lucy.  "Ken is telling me you are voting me out".  Jess tells Dave and Ken that she ran and told Lucy and they are shocked.  

Lucy ask Ken why.  He says basically, dunno.  Says you gave me a list of rules.  She declares that he's just like a girl, and that they have a snitch.  She also privately admits she probably did come on too strong and controlling.  

Big blow up.

Tribal

Dave, did the blindside bring the tribe together?  Nope.

Chris-we were upset and it's basically all chaos.

Jess: the 5 have been processing it but we're all still together

Lucy says it was like a bomb going off and now it's all insecurity and chaos.  Says she thought she was OK but Ken wants her out.

Ken agrees.  She ordered me around.

Lucy says that it's just that she's blunt.  Men can handle that....

Jeff points out that she's being a blunt bitch again.

Ken says he has wavered all day, which is what happens when there is disloyalty

Jess asks if she was supposed to just trust Ken?

David says something about anything can happen at tribal. 

Chris basically says that someone is gonna be the chump.

Vote.

Idol?  David gets up and says it was a pleasure to meet you all, and then plays the idol for Jess.

Jess gets 5 votes, don't count.  CeCe again gets a vote, and Lucy is voted off with 2 votes.  

Jess just sits there with giant eyes.....

Survivor Up: Vinyl IS Better.

Last time we met, Mari was blindsided by everyone but Adam and Zeke, the quintessential pair of lone wolfs.  They congratulate Figgy and Taylor "well played", but Figgy gets her beautiful little nose out of joint at the notion that it was just those two.  "People who write down Figgy go home".  

Hannah, of the socially awkward, approaches Adam and Zeke to explain/apologize.  "It was a last minute decision".  She keeps at them over and over even after Zeke tells  her to leave them alone.  GIVE ME SPACE!!!  She keeps going on and Zeke accuses her of trying to play the victim.  Finally she leaves and they discuss being on the bottom.  "You and me on dumb ass island!"  Adam promises to get back up to the top.

OMG, can Dave survive 39 days?  He's already almost transparently skinny.  He, Dave and Cece are obviously on the bottom although HEY!!  Dave managed to check "find an idol in Survivor" off his  bucket list!  

Paul is an insufferable bore.  Seriously, he and Chet are just 2 old overweight guys that think they are young and cool. I can just picture Paul in his real life walking around in brightly colored biking shorts. He goes out to get them fish, because he's an expert Florida spear fisherman and alas, the schools of yellowtail keep getting away from him.  Spoiler alert, Paul, they've never seen such a flabby white orca floating around the ocean with them.  Ken can't stand Paul.  He's a total bullshitter who talks a good game but provides nothing.  

The excitement this week is a summit.  4 people from each side are sent together to eat PB&Js and try to get info/form some kind of bonds.  For the M's it's of course Taylor, Figgy, Will and Jay.  Jay is just hoping Taylor and Figgy don't start making out.  For the Xers, it's Dave, CeCe, Paul and Chris.  Dave thinks Paul just needs an audience to bloviate at.  Paul tells them he's a lead singer for a Rock Band.  OOOH, are you ZZ Top?  LOL!!  Paul is under the delusion that these kids are missing their Dads and want to talk with an old rocker.  The M's are asked if there are any hook ups?  Nooooooo.  They want to know how Ken Doll is.  That's what they apparently call him.  CeCe says that he's the opposite of what they think, really humble and nice.  Paul gets up to "swim in the ocean", aka dropping a PB&J deuce in the water.  Taylor and Figgy talk to Dave and CeCe to get some info.  CeCe admits that Paul is the big fat alpha thereby putting a target on his back.  Dave approaches Taylor and basically says he's kill his tribe members to prove his loyalty.  

Back home, Dave sees the summit as a ray of hope.  CeCe tells Ken that they call him Ken Doll which is apparently a scar from his childhood.  I'm not a plastic doll with no penis.  He's not flattered at all.  In fact, he goes off and catches 3 fish easily.  

Ken also badmouths Paul to Jessica.  She understands he feels like he's on the outs but whattareyagonna do?  He tells her that she and Sunday are humble people, not like Paul at all.  

The beautiful 4 are relaxing on a rafty thing.  They're deciding to get rid of Zeke next.  Meanwhile, Adam is talking with Michaela and Hannah about how much Figgy sucks.  He points out that Michelle basically saved her ass and they now owe her.  Points out those 4 are totally in cahoots.  Michaela kind of agrees but is basically uninterested in making any promises or moves right  now.  

Challenge.  It's this carry bags through obstacles,over another balance beam thing.  Then knock puzzle pieces off a table with bean bags, then redo the puzzle.  Wanna know?  Luxury items from the Jeff Probst collection at Target.  Chairs, hammock, blankets and candles with the famous Probst sandalwood scent.   As one would expect, the Xers get their asses handed to them in the physical part of the challenge.  Mainly because, although not everyone has to carry 40 lbs over the balance beam, CeCe insists on doing it taking so long that basically the entire M tribe, the production crew and the sand sweeper go past on the other side.  So, the Xers are screwed.  Ken-not a-Doll kicks ass at the throwing of bean bags but alas the Mers are just too far ahead.  M wins immunity and the luxury items.

Mers ask Jeff if they can trade luxury for fishing equipment.  Jeff says it's up to the Xers but he says "I don't think that the luxury items equal fishing" and "hey you guys can always say no....".  Gen X says no.  M's are kind of shocked because "our parents would have said yes....."  

So, Paul is all CECE SUCKED.  It's an obvious choice, but WHO KNOWS!!  They're all in agreement but there's still 20 minutes left in the show.  

CeCe the clueless asks the other women, "hey anyone know who we're all voting for??"  Sunday tells her the boys are working out the details.  CeCe is kinda wondering why no one ever comes up to her with info...

Dave and Ken realize they, plus CeCe are all on the bottom.  They want to target Paul.  There the bottom 3 so they have nothing to lose.  

Paul talks to Sunday.  It's CeCe.  We're a solid 6, right?  You're not gonna go off and do a boys thing, right?  "If they boys wanted that I'd tell you and it would be bye bye ladies".  BOOM.  Not the right answer Paul!!!  

Jessica, Sunday and Luci talk and are really pissed off.  They realize the united 6 is actually boys vs girls.  

Chet says, "hey Paul, why are those girls all talking to each other?"  Paul says, "don't worry about that Boston Chet!"

Tribal

Dave says that meeting the Mers was transformational.  He saw them as people and peers.  He's now only a 9.8 on the anxiety scale

CeCe says that she, Dave and Ken are probably on the bottom.  She also says FINALLY getting my ass over that balance beam felt really good.  

Chris is all, "heeeeeey now, it's too early for any of our solid 6 to be thinking that they are #5 or 6"

Dr Jeff comes out to psychoanalyze the situation.  He points out that the youngsters sure did cooperate well.  I WAS BLOWN AWAY by how good they were.  

Sunday agrees that in general Xers rely on what they think is the right vs wrong way to do something whereas her kids are more likely to try things different ways.  

Dr. Jeff starts asking if people text.  Paul says no.  Sunday says she does.  He asks if she uses "you" or U in texts.  He points out that language is changing to be more efficient (although I disagree.  Newer phone technologies make using "you" not that much less efficient.  But I digress....).  

Ken waxes poetic about the beauty of language (I think I want to meet KEN at the Pottstown Motel 6 next time).  Jeff says, "you probably think vinyl records are better (they are.).  Um, Jeff, YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO BE WELL INTO THE GEN X GROUP.  

They discuss paranoia.  Paul says it's low in the 6 but high in the 3.  He then states, like a typical white male, that the other 3 had just as much opportunity to be in the fortunates.  

Jessica states that tonight's vote will result in helping the tribe move forward.  They need more than just the 6 to win challenges.  

Time to vote!

CeCe gets 3 votes and Paul is blindsided!!  Boooyaaaaaaaaa.  

Survivor: Love Shack!

Hello my fellow Survivors!  Hope you are all doing well and enjoying this season!  Have we all picked out our favorites and who we are gonna love to hate on all season?  Has your contestant spoken yet?  I think this week we at least get to pick out who is who on each tribe.  Week 1 saw the leaving of our alternate #2, so if you have a loser you're still stuck.  

It's day 5 and Gen x (who will be called X from here on in) hasn't started fire yet, even with a flint from the last tribal.  Paul is all assholiness saying "haha, sure David, why don't you give it a try".  And then David BRINGS IT and makes fire!  Woohoo ya little man!!  

David is basically the family joke child that no one is taking any notice of.  So he goes off to find rocks to use as chairs and looks all around for an idol.  He finds the first one, which is basically inside of a coconut with an ink marking on it.  So there's that.  Wonder if he will successfully use it or go home with at least something big in his pants.  

Over on the Millennial tribe (which will now be referred to as M since I can't spell Millennials without the spellchecker riding my ass) it's love goggles.  The prom king and queen, Taylor and Figgy are doing some snuggling in the group bed.  And I am 100% TOTALLY AGREEING WITH MICHAELA: " You stink, your mouth is nasty, you have sand in your drawers AND IT'S NASTY.  

Everyone is on to it and everyone has an excuse.  "Millennials are dreamers"..."Nobody cares"...."Hookups are less serious" (this from Zeke who I can bet would think it was a big deal if he EVER hooked up).  However the rest of the triforce is getting nervous.  Jay thinks they are totally STUPID.  He and Michelle think it could hurt their alliance.  He tells Taylor that power couples don't last but Taylor isn't worried.  The prom king can get away with a lot.  Jay calls it a bullseye for a nuclear missile.   

X Ken, who is Mr. Off the Grid, is fishing and catching a bit octopus.  He has an affinity with David because he apparently had a speech impediment once and although not too shabby in the abs department, is apparently not great at the social game.  Ken and David agree that it's all about Paul's posse and he needs to go.  They form a bro alliance and David shows off his idol as proof of trust.  

The M'ers are finding it difficult to actually live outside of their many screens and in reality.  It's haaaaard!  Taylor wants to make a surfboard.  Michaela and Figgy go at it for a bit.  Michaela thinks figgy is dumb.  Adam thinks Michaela needs to chill and stop the cat fighting.  

X: Paul wants to be in total control.  CeCe talks with Ken and Dave and they agree that while they need to cut off the head, aka Paul, the best thing is to keep feeding his bloated ego until that time.  

Paul collapses, they bring in the medic WHO IS NOT THE NORMAL AUSTRALIAN,  but alas no heart attack.  Just heat stroke, dehydration and a massive ego.  Dave is a bit disappointed.

Challenge.  It's in the water.  Swim, race up a cargo net, jump off a platform and grab a key.  Use the keys to unlock a swim mask, dive and untie rings to be used in the RING TOSS.  During this challenge Jeff calls out everyone's name as we go through and I finally figure out who the other half of the tribes are.  David of course is pathetically slow but manages to get a key leaving the Ms with a lead after the first part of the challenge. In the second part Marti takes forever with her ring and X makes up time.  At the ring toss, CeCe and Ken kill it winning immunity and a tarp.  

Paul announces that the ol pirate is back from the dead.  

M: Zeke is all excited to get to VOTE PEOPLE OUT!!!  Mari wants to blindside Figgy tonight, yet Will is afraid she will see it coming.  Will btw is pretty smart for the youngest on the tribe.  

Zeke and Adam tell Jay that Figgy is going.  WHYYYYYYY????  Do they not get that he is in an alliance with them??  Jay tells Michelle who realized something has to happen.  Says they need Michaela and Figgy to make up.  Jay tells Figgy and Michaela that basically it's Figgy but Michaela is a close second.  Figgy says they need to be 6 strong, but that they also need Will.  They decide on Mari but Michelle has to pull some strings.  

Tribal

OMG they are all gobsmacked to be at Tribal.  It's beautiful.....It's like being inside my tv.....

Jeff asks Mari if social media makes Millennials better at the social game?  She admits that in real life there is this thing called empathy and it's harder to screw people over when you can see their eyeballs.  

Zeke tells Jeff that he's living the dream.  "I'm my best version of myself and it makes me want to give 100%, unlike the usual 35% I give in my asset management job"

Michaela starts it up saying basically it also brings out the worst in some people.  Adam interprets for Jeff that Michaela is a "straight shooter" that many times ends up with the gun pointed at herself.  Michaela continues that there are little groups forming.  

Hannah is totally star struck.  She does manage to get out that there is some cuddling going on.  She calls out Taylor and Figgy who try to play dumb, or are dumb.  While Jeff is talking to Taylor and Figgy Michelle is working on Hannah telling her to vote for Mari and to trust her.  

This keeps going on while Michaela kicks it up a few notches in her war with Figgy.  Taylor says it's not that big of a deal and it's too early in the game for anyone to really care about his penis leading him around in an alliance with Figgy.  Michaela says that she isn't stupid and she isn't buying that.  

Michelle, Hannah and Jay are still all taking about voting for Mari.  Michelle takes a breath and says if she were Figgy she would be scared.  

Jeff asks Hannah a question and she goes all idiot, saying she's dizzy, he's Jeff Probst, it's all confusing....

Mari says Hannah has issues and is probably just talking about puppies or butts.  

Time to vote!  Hannah has another meltdown and takes forever to cast her vote.

In the end, Figgy gets 3 votes and Mari gets 6 and is back to playing video games on the plane home.

On her way out, Mari turns and says..."SALTY".  LOL.  I'm guessing I'm way too old to be cool!!  

X vs Millennials, Week 1

Shit!  First week  back on the job and I almost forgot it was Wednesday!  Here's the better late than never update on Week 1.  

We're back in Fiji again, mostly because Jeff has a time share there.  It's really kinda nice with that fake fishing netting on the walls and those rope tied balls laying around.  The shag carpet is kind of skeevy but he says he can't replace it until he gets his season 37 money.  

And, this year the SOCIAL EXPERIMENT is about "a war between the ages".  Jesus Christ, as if my FB pages aren't already full of WAR right now.  It's the Millennials which are ages 18-31, and Gen X, ages 33-52.  I'm gonna skip all the bullshit right now and come out for Gen X since I just can't deal with playing online video games being a job.  I'm guessing the Gen Xrs had to fill out requests for time off in triplicate, agree that their positions won't necessarily  be held for them and promised their wives that when they return they will make dinner once a month.  The Millennials had to move their plant and their cat out of the basement into the rest of their parent's house.  

So we have a high school kid (Will) as the youngest and I actually think he should get a second trophy for going to school EVERY DAY.  Unless he goes to cyber school, then he can only have the trophy everyone else has gotten.  Paul is Gandolf at the great age of 52.  He in fact points out that he did NOT always get a trophy.  

First up, they get assigned to their tribes and realize it's a social experiment, not in fact a freaking reality show like they were promised.  Then there's a scavenger hunt for items to take to their camp.  I'm hearing there is all kinds of stuff in the trees to pick from but it looks like all fruit to me.  Oh and sticks of wood which people are grabbing left and right and which can actually be found at the camp site.  2 big choices:  Cooking stuff or a hammer, fishing stuff or chickens.  The  Mills take the chickens and you just KNOW there are about 8 total vegetarians on that tribe that are thinking, "oh good, pets!!"  One of the X picks up an envelope that we ultimately find out is a legacy advantage that can be used on day 36, and can be willed to another player if you're voted off.  

Spoiler: it's Cyclone season.  

The millennials are HAPPY!!!  Probably because they don't have to go to their non jobs for a month!  Awesome!  Solid!! Narly!!!  I started writing down their occupations but it just gave me a headache.  Look, I know someone has to be a homeless shelter manager, I'm just not sure if that's a step up or down from a barista.  

There's romance over on M.  Figgy is a little flirt and a manipulator.  She has 2 guys sniffing around her, I believe Dan and Taylor. Truth is I can't keep these Mills straight.  They call themselves TRIFORCE.  There's also a jewish girl, Hannah who needs to up her social skills so she tries to converse with Michelle who is a missionary who sells bibles.  

X: Rachel is overeager and annoying.  Sunday isn't a fan.  David is what I would be on Survivor-totally afraid of everything and wondering how the hell he got chosen for this show?  He's trying to bond with Chris and Brett (Mr Boston) who are trying to build shelter.  He gets all excited thinking Ken and Paul have found an idol.  Chris is like, he's trying way too hard and is totally paranoid.  David runs off to scope Ken and Paul out.  

The weather is getting really bad.  The Mills almost stop frolicking in the ocean to build a shelter.  Instead they spend a night of hell getting rained on.  It's the same on X beach.  Next morning both tribes get tree mail with a complimentary tarp because the weather is getting worse.  They all start to think this is really bad and decide to bust ass on the shelter.  

Jeff arrives, which is bad, and tells each tribe it's a CYCLONE warning and everyone is getting evacuated.  So now that shitty shag carpet in his time share is gonna be even moldier.  

Upon their return, Zeke, the old man in spirit and in actual occupation on the Millennials surprises himself and becomes a leader for the first time in his life.  They not only bust out shelter but he builds fire!!!  And then his testicles drop.  It's quite a day.  

David admits his complete fear of death.  He then very visibly goes looking for an idol.  People see him and get upset.  

Triforce is all I LOVE YOU GUYS.  Hannah has decided that the tribe is breaking down along the cool kids and the geeks and she gets Mari to help her pull together the geeks.  

Challenge:  and thank you for returning the loaned tarps.  It's an obstacle course with options to take shortcuts along the way.  Each shortcut adds 10  puzzle pieces onto the final puzzle.  The Xrs basically take most of the shortcuts and end up faster through the course with 70 puzzle pieces.  M's have 60 pieces.  Rachel and David start on the X puzzle but get nowhere and tag out.  Ultimate Michelle and Figgy win immunity for the kids.  

It's evident to everyone but Rachel that she totally screwed up.  Jessica is pretty ready to vote her out.  Dave realized no one trusts him since no one is talking to him.  He talks to Jessica and offers to vote out whoever she wants.  She asks if he has an idol and is disappointed that he does not.  Boston Brett is the ringleader and wants to split the vote.  Rachel starts thinking it's strange no one is talking to her and Cici and suddenly wonders if she is vulnerable.   

Tribal: get fire because fire equals your life in this game.

Jessica has pink eye from sand blowing into it. No medic needed apparently.

Jeff asks David a question and he  almost faints.  Seriously, is he someone on the productions nephew??  How could he have passed all of the interviews??  He tells Jeff he is scared and that his world is very small at home.  It's probably also very beige.  He kinda says he wants to stay but his enemy is himself.  

CeCe feels his pain.

Sunday says it's good to hear someone else is nervous.  

Jeff asks if anyone else has considered they could be going home and all hands go up.  

He asks Rachel why she should feel endangered and she was all, hmmmm not quite sure but people did get quite after that puzzle thing.  Perhaps it's been because I'm to upfront?

Time to vote, no idol.  

Dave gets 1 vote. Sunday 1 and  CeCe gets 3 votes for no reason I can see and Rachel is the first one off Survivor Generational War.  

Survivor Update: Ding Dong

 So we did not get to discuss the golden boy's departure.  Sad loss of eye candy but it had to happen when he lost the challenge.

Abi says "payback is a bitch" and that everyone is glad that he's gone.  Keith is feeling left out because he didn't get the memo.  He wants Tasha to go and in fact voted for her.  Which pissed her off.  

Spencer and Jeremy are worried that there is going to be a girl's alliance.  They need Tasha on their side along with Kimmie who I CANNOT BELIEVE IS STILL ON THE SHOW!!  

Reward Challenge.  It's one Keith won  before.  untangle enough rope to get through the whole course, build a ladder type of bridge and then toss sandbags at a tower of blocks and they need the rope to retrieve their sandbags.  Wanna know?  It's a trip back to the temples with food and a night stay.  

Keith wins again.  He gets to chose, first picks Kelley because I guess last week she helped him spend time with his wife.  And then he picks Spencer for "no real logic".  Tasha is mad but says that "sometimes going back to camp can be even as advantageous."  

Back at camp, Abi says that Keith is strong.  Tasha agrees that he should be next.  Abi is all proud of herself for using people to get ahead.  Jeremy is kind of non-committal about Keith going home due to his all girl alliance fear.  Tasha tells him she knows why he's afraid.  Kimmie agrees that Keith needs to go.  Tasha basically says that Jeremy needs to trust me and  let me make a move or else.  

At the reward, they walk through the temples and blather about the last time they were all there.  Yea, when they smelled a hell of a lot better!  After the walk they get a blessing, basically 3 dudes in orange throwing water at them and chanting " I can't believe we have to do this shit" in Cambodian.  Then there are girls dancing.  And food.  It's the season's "cultural experience" complete with spaghetti and salad.  Kelley starts the discussion about them going final 3, with Abi as their 4. Keith wants to make that happen.  Spencer isn't 100% sure.  He can see himself going with Keith and Abi but then again Abi is not the sound rational person to count on.  

Back at camp, Abi is making rice and Tasha asks her if she'd mind if she and Jeremy talk.  Abi is all passive aggressive as usual and is pissed that she's not included.  Jeremy thinks she's crazy.  Kimmie comes back from shitting in the woods and is all "what did I miss??"  They all bust on Abi.  Jeremy can't imagine anyone dating her.  Tasha asks if it's better to get rid of Abi before Keith so there's no messiness at the end.  Jeremy is just thinking "one less girl".  

Immunity Challenge: it's back in the water.  Race through obstacles, get a key, open a chest and do a puzzle.  Spencer literally does the puzzle in 5 seconds and wins immunity.  Tasha starts to drown and Jeff calls for safety ( a dude nearby in a snorkel) and medical.  They determine that she was basically exhausted.  

Back at camp, Tasha has recovered enough to be nervous about any bonding at the reward.  She thinks it's time for Spencer to prove himself.  

The Keith, Spencer, Kelley and Abi alliance decide it's Tasha.  We're all good.  Abi thinks her resume has gone up.  

Tasha approaches Jeremy and Spencer and they discuss getting rid of Abi.  Tasha can't stand the idea of those other 3 making it to the end because THIS SEASON ESPECIALLY it should be all about the strongest players making it to the end.  

Spencer has to decide whether it's better to target the weak players or take out the big guns and go with the "green goats" to the end.  

Tribal

Keith got a big reward.  Yes Jeff.

Spencer says it connected them all to the country, although he was worried about what was going on at camp

Tasha says she almost drowned and had to be rescued and is exhausted, which is a surprise to the jury

Spencer points out that any event is an opportunity for change, good or bad.

Kimmie says that there is always idol talks and people wondering if "we"have the numbers.  Jeff jumps all over this as if it's the first time he has ever considered that there were groups of "we".  

Jeremy says there are like 5 blocks of we's.  

No one is confident in their we, which Abi finds exciting and she is still wondering which we to join.

Apparently she is joining the we that is called the Jury.