Spring 09 Amazing Race: Week 9

Whoa, tempers are flaring this week, which I like to call The Bitch Slap Episode.

Teams are in Bangkok, and the Mini Men face a 4 hour delay due to un sportsmanlike conduct and a speedbump. God I hope this isn't another lame ass speedbump.

Deafmom leave at 9:36 am and have to fly to Guilin, China via Xiandnfkdhigh, or something like that. Once in China they have to take a taxi to a hair salon. LOL how friggin funny would it be if the salon had rows of American girls doing nails?

Deafmom get the first flight at 11:20 am, but their connecting flight isn't until 8:30 pm. The Wicked Smart Asians, and, for this episode I am going to call them the Wickedly Annoying Asians, read that they are going to China and immediately refuse to speak any English. They're all yingyangchingchanging it all over the place. Seriously, They were translating what they were saying, but I doubt it was really "oh, my, how nice we are going to China". Methinks it was more like "ha, now we have those round eyes where we want them."

The Wickedly Annoying Asians and the NFLs are on the second flight to Xknfdnfandklnfl, with the same 8:30 connection. Hey, am I just noticing that the NFLs have the same BAAAD haircolor?? Like, WTF? Did they get a case of it cheap or something?

The Sistas have a 9:10 pm connection to Guilin. Mini men are just leaving at 4pm due to their delay. The first connection is delayed, so the Sistas actually get to China first. The Asians are all cocky about speaking Chinese. Seriously, I was getting a friggin headache from it. Yingyangchingchang, dongwongyinggang.

NFLs get to the hair salon first, but unfortunately don't take the time for a little color therapy. "Go to the #24 Bridge for you next clue". On the wall is also the speedbump sign.

The Asians get the clue and are off yammering away. About now the Mini men arrive in China.

And, now, the drama goes off the charts... The Sistas and Deafmom arrive at the Salon at the same time, and both stand like, right in front of the clue box saying, "where is that damn clue box". Although the Deaf kid just moans this. Both the deaf kid and one of the Sistas (I think the mean one Kisha) spot it and dive for it. Deaf shoves her out of the way and she calls him a bitch. LOL, he's lucky he didn't get cut.

In the cabs, both teams are bitching about it. Mom signs "bitch" and it's ON. OK, time for a little bashing. I'm sure it's frustrating being deaf but this kid is getting on my damn nerves. Look, you can't talk so just stop trying and sign. He is like a bomb of anger waiting to go off.

At the #24 bridge it's a Roadblock. One member has to go out in a little boat and train a Cormorant to catch 10 fish. The Asians think they have this in the bag cause she can talk to the teacher in Chinese and SHE CAN ALSO TALK TO THE BIRDS. Yeeeeaaaa. Good luck with that.

Back to the Bitches, again both the Sistas and Deafmom arrive at the bridge clue box at the same time. Deaf is soooo mad his fingers are flying off. Kisha gets to the box first and he rams her from behind, knocking her into the clue box. Mommy arrives and starts yelling at Kisha for pushing him. It's just ugly.

Jamie, Jenn, Girl-Asian and Deaf are all doing the Roadblock. Girl-Asian is yammering away in Chinese. Seriously, how those Chinese people don't go friggin INSANE listening to each other I have no idea.

The Mini's finally get to the Salon. Ooooh, Speedbump!! Wait, what?? WTF?? All they have to do is wash 2 old ladies hair? LAME. Seriously. I am steamed. They do the speedbump in like, 2 minutes, one of them telling the lady he is going to give her a 'MASSAG-EEE". Yea, that's really funny.

Jamie and Jenn finish the fish roadblock. Deaf is flailing around making noises and scaring the fish. This dude needs to chill and enjoy life a little. He gets bit on the hand by a bird, who probably didn't like what he was saying to it. In case you missed the bite, Deaf reenacts it like, 15 times over and friggin over again. Mommy translates each time. Jesus. I think next week I am watching this show with the volume down.

After the Roadblock teams have to go to the Ancient South Gate. The Girl Asian is still talking Chinese smack to the bird and it flies off. It finally comes back and she finishes.

Detour: Dancing or Calligraphy. Teams either have to learn to do Chinese Ballroom Dancing or copy Calligraphy from 4 different people and read Chinese to find the next Calligrapher. Yingyangdongwang-"haha, we didn't pay attention in Chinese school!" Uhuh.

The NFLs decide to do the dancing, They have to learn a dance routine. Their teacher is another couple and, man, are they rough manhandlers. The NFL's keep doing the dance and getting a "no" from the judge, and with a laugh. One of them gets really steamed and starts yelling. They decide to quit. While they are walking away, they wonder if they were supposed to keep doing the dance the whole time the music played. Decide to go back and give it another try and they get it right.

Everyone else does the Calligraphy. They basically follow the Wickedly Annoying Asians around doing what they do. The Asians won't shut the frig up. Telling one of the calligraphers "our parents will cry if we don't win". Jeez. By this point my head is throbbing. ChowchungHuangHong, wingwangdingdong.

Teams now need to travel to the Banyan Lake Pit stop. The Asians, Sistas and Deafmom all arrive at the same time. It's a foot race. Phil is standing there with a couple EATING CHINESE FOOD. They mumble "welcome to china" through their Kung Po chicken. The Asians say, "yingyang, what he say??"

Sistas are first-they win a trip to Barbados. Asians are second and Deafmom is third. And, just like that the fight begins again. Phil says, "seems like the competition is getting tough". Mommy tells Phil her distorted story about her poor deaf son getting roughed up by these big scary black women. The Sistas smile/laugh. Mommy goes all crazy on them, yelling and shrieking how unfair it is for them to laugh at a deaf person, especially cause they are black. What that has to do with anything, I have no idea! "You're black, you should know better".

To his credit Phil tries to talk her down off the ledge but Deaf goes all hand waving nuts. Seriously it's a total Deaf rant. The Wickedly Annoying Asians are just standing there going, "how the f&*k did we end up second??"

NFL's arrive as team #4.

The Mini's do the dancing detour. All romantic music and slow motion footage. Yep, bye bye you rule breakers. The are eliiiiiminated.

1. Kisha & Jen: Matt and Kevin
2. Tammy & Victor : John
3. Margie & Luke: Maureen and Amy
4. Jaime & Cara: Terri

Off
11. Preston & Jennifer: Becky and Mary
10. Steve & Linda: Jeff and Eileen
9. Brad & Victoria: Donna
8. Amanda & Kris: Elayne
7. Christie & Jodi: Ginnie
6. Mel & Mike: Joanne
5. Mark & Michael: Karen