Survivor Week 7

Welcome to the I Hate Coach weekly update. Brought to you by Charmin.

This week, surprise surprise, we start with Coach. He's doing yoga down at the beach with Carl Orff's Carmina Burana playing in the background. And, yes, you all should be impressed that not only did I know the music, I knew the composer. haha, not just a pretty face with a fabulous sense of humor now, am I?? Coach and I are kindred spirits, renaissance women if you will.

So, Coach is yoga'd out and has the realization DING "this is about me now". Lol, as if this is new in his life. He decides to be Mr. Nice Guy and gives backrubs. Cut to Brendan bagging on Coach saying he "started the whole samari hair thing" with his little pony tale.

Joe has a leg infection from the nasty germs in Brazil.

Tree Mail: something about your head spinning, but really it's a merge and a feast. Coach " the merge is like getting a new girlfriend, lots of new things to explore". Yea, you don't know whether to try on her shoes or her underwear first. They eat and drink but Coach eats standing up which I think is really weird. Maybe it's from a whole 'eating standing up in the Amazon' flashback.

They all go back to Timburra's camp. JT wants to know what's up with the dog house shelter. Debbie: "do y'all want a tour", like it's a new McMansion. I thought the tour would be all, I shit there, Sierra shits here and Coach just shits wherever he wants.

Coach and JT go down to the fishing hole. Coach suddenly likes fishing-fly fishing to be exact. Loves "the art of the cast". What a friggin idiot. Coach wants to bond with JT cause he's a lawyer and an intellectual. JT is smarter than his redneck image cause he right away asks Coach if it's true that Brendan is in charge? That gets up Coach's ASS which is exactly what JT wanted. JT eludes that Brendan must have the idol since he didn't share clues with Taj.

Coach goes to Tyson and tells him, "Brendan has the idol". Tyson talks to Stephen, wants help getting Brendan out. And, as quickly as that, Timbura falls apart as a tribe.

JT and Tyson are fishing. Tyson tells JT he wants Brendan out. Debbie and Tyson go for "wood". Which is more about talking smack about everyone than the porn reference I thought it meant. Not to be left out, Taj and Stephan are upset that Sierra and Brendan didn't run right over and hug them and say, "hey, immunity idol buddies". Brendan is obviously too smart for that, wants it to be low key.

Erinn and Joe talk. Seriously, I think there was something in the feast that made everyone talk a lot. She never looked for the idol after they left exhale. Joe has to show her what the clue meant, even though it is the lamest clue in Survivor history. They go to tree mail, no idol. They assume Brendan and Sierra have it.

Oh, they rename themselves Forza Tribe cause someone thinks Forza means strength or something in brazillian.

Challenge time. Whoa, maybe it's my beer goggles but Jeff is looking so freakin sexy. Seriously! I would say he looked so hot that my husband might even have gotten lucky that night but I wouldn't want to upset Becky and Mary with that visual image.

Man, he is so freakin hot that I can't remember what the challenge is. Oh yea, pole humping. Climb up onto a pole and hump it as long as possible. Or something like that. Maybe I just have humping on the brain. Stephen is first out, followed by Joe (to which I said to the TV, "Hey Jeff, you might want to get medical to look at Joe's red puss filled leg), then Brendan, Taj, Erinn, JT, Coach, and Sierra which leaves Debbie and the barefooted Tyson. Someone says something funny and Debbie is out. Tyson wins immunity.

Since Jeff and I have a special bond, he calls medical over to look at Joe's let. I think it's the same australian medical chick as before. She tells Joe that he has an infection, and if it doesn't go away he could lose everything but his head. Seriously, it was wicked scare tactic, also known as "limited liability 101".

Back on Forza, the are all standing under a huge patio umbrella which I have no idea where it came from. Man, that was bad sentence structure. Anyway, maybe they stole it after the feast.

And, now, it all goes freakin CRAZY with alliances, cross alliances, sideways alliances, and I would like to do a John Madden on the screen so I can keep track of all of the alliances going on. Somehow Stephen and JT come up with a vote split between Sierra and Brendan in case Brendan plays the idol. Are they turning against their alliance??

Coach calls himself the dragon slayer cause it's all his idea. Whatever.

Jeff shows up at camp, without his baseball hat and with just out of the shower hair. OMGZ. So freakin hot. Joe is leaving the game cause they don't have a syringe of antibiotics to shoot into his ass. Or something like that. Actually I think Joe and the medic chick are hooking up. Anyway, no tribal council.