Survivor Brazil Week 8

YO, I just watched last week's episode last night. Am still laughing about what a total ASS Coach it.

It was all Coach, all the time last week. Coach thought everyone was bored sitting around the campfire, so he decided to tell some little stories of his life, just to amuse people.

If you didn't watch the show, find a teenager, but some dope and take a BIG hit while I tell ya the story.

“I want you to know that there are three people in the world that know this story,”

APPARENTLY this idiot thinks he was air lifted BY MILITARY HELICOPTERS (I have connections,,,) into the Amazon, where he was captured by six or 7 "indigenous 4 foot tall people" with arrows pointed at him. He was tied to a stake and beaten (I guess around the knees since they were all dwarf amazonians). He slipped out of the rope, slipped out the back of camp and kayak'd for 2 days to escape.

SERIOUSLY??? Are ya sure they weren't aliens? Cause, the look a lot like 4' tall amazonians. Apparently, the National Geographic wanted to go to the Amazon with him and he said, "nooo, this is all about me". Riiiiiight.

The funniest part was the other Survivors just looking at him and the sound of crickets. Man, we watched this and then went to bed and I kept waking Wil up asking him if he really said, military helicopters? Like, blackhawks?? And, was this the same trip w ith the snake or did he go back for revenge? Is it me or is this like the plot of that crappy "Captain Hook" movie-the one where Julia Roberts had that shitty short haircut after she alter-ran from FRIGGIN KIEFFER SUTHERLAND"????????

So, next morning Coach is doing his yoga-oh sorry Tai Chi, which he calls Chong Ran. I call it Douche Bag. “If you do a Google search on it, you won’t find it. It’s only passed down verbally. You have to go there to the monastery to study it,”

Time to make a bazillion alliances. JT says he has an alliance with Coach, Tyson, Stephen and I think Debbie (he was twanging pretty bad here).

Coach: I am the dragon slayer, and Brendan is the head of the dragon. Sierra is the colon. I must kill the dragon.

JT sides up to Erinn. She missed Joe. JT: "so, do y'all have an alliance out here? Hmmmmm, maybe for a little sex I can help y'all out little lady".

JT goes to his OTHER alliance and asks Taj and Stephen what they would think about an alliance with him and Erinn.

Reward Challenge: thanks god, that whole alliance shit was testing my sobriety. In yet another blatant attack on Ceramic Artists, survivors are split into teams of 3 (Coach, Taj and Tyson; Stephen, Erin and Sierra; Debbie, JT and Brendan) and take turns throwing bean bags through ceramic tiles. Seriously, I think this game was called connect 4 when I was a kid.

Wanna know what you're playing for? White water rafting and a picnic. No toilet though . You also get to send one person to exile.

Team Coach is first out. So, Coach just stands around looking bored and pissed the rest of the time. Team Stephen is out next meaning Debbie, JT and Brendan win reward. They send Stephen back to exile.

Cut to Stephen at exile. Stephen manages to build a fire which takes about 2 hours. Poor Stephen, doesn't have his brokeback mountain buddy. Apparently this time he spends 2 nights on exile.

Reward: rafting and food. While Debbie takes a walk, Brendan ask JT if anyone has approached him to be in an alliance. This guy is working the stupid hick thing like a champ. Brendan thinks his chances lie with JT.

Back at camp next morning, Brendan stayed up all night trying to figure out how to not lose. He decides he wants to bring JT into his alliance. He talks to Sierra who is a little hot for JT and wants to keep him around. Brendan lays out the plan. “Take out Tyson, Coach and Erinn,” He presents the idea to Taj who just wants to keep Jalapeno around as long as possible.

Hey, is Taj really a former pop star??

Challenge: it's some complicated rope mess. You are attached to a rope and have to navigate through a maze. There are 2 stages. It is friggin lame.

Stage 1: JT, Tyson and Brendan win. Coach, Mr I-got-out-of-the-amazon-alive comes in about last.
Stage 2: Tyson wins immunity.

Ok, Tyson kind of creeps me out. He looks like one of the lost boys from said mentioned Captain Hook movie. Coach wants to split the vote between Brendan and Sierra so if one of them plays the idol, the other goes. Which is Tyson's plan from last week...

Brendan wants Coach and talks to Sierra, JT, Taj and Stephen about it.

Tribal: Jeff has apparently been briefed by the camera crew cause he starts right off with "so, who tells the best campfire stories". LOL.

Coach has his samuri hair tonight. Jeff is in pale green. It's a good color for him.

TAJ: Coach tells the best campfire stories.
Jeff: Really?? Do tell.
Coach: I actually toned the story down to make it PG. The dwarfs really wanted to eat my ahole. LMFAO. uhuh.
Coach: I've had 6-8 life or death situations, Jeff. Been in a hurricane, attacked by a shark, and a croc, the Indian tribe capture... WOW, who knew how friggin stressful being a concert conductor could be!
Jeff: Coach, are you still confident?
Jeff: Tyson, how big is trust??
Taj: JT is a triple threat, Jeff.
Jeff: Taj-do you have the idol? Stephen? Brendan? "Yes, Jeff, I have the idol"
Time to vote.

Coach gets 2 votes (Sierra and Brendan)
Sierra gets 3 ( JT, Tyson and Erin)
Brendan gets 4 votes ( Coach, Debbie, Taj, Stephen).

Brendan is voted off. Damn, I was hoping Coach was going but, why ruin the party now??