Survivor Update and Some Social Commentary

Weeeeellllll, that escalated quickly......

I said to my husband when they went to commercial after the vote but before it was read that that had NEVER happened before in all of the seasons.  I guess they wanted people to not turn off after the vote and stay on until the dramatic, and frankly entirely predictable, conclusion of the episode.  

But let me deal with the entire episode before we dish about that.  So the week before ended with another insane tribal council.  As a reminder, Dean told Tommy he was getting voted out right as Tribal started and Noura went ape shit and blew up their plans.  

So the evening return to camp went also crazy.  Tommy is now in love with Dean who "saved him" and out of love with Noura who is not trustworthy.  Dude.  It's been 37 days of her being a nutjob and NOW you think she's a liar??  SHE'S EFFING NUTS.  I just checked and she is listed as an "entrepreneur" which in this case no doubt means "unable to hold a real job".  Noura thanks the crowd for keeping her, saying she was never going to write down Tommy.  

Noura is still in her manic phase and says Dean messed up so bad.  So she steals his shoes and "hides" them up on the tribe sign too high up for short him to reach.  "Dean, you are on the way out whether or not you realize it".  

Dean and Elaine go looking for an idol.  Janet and Tommy also go looking.  Janet finds it and she and Tommy stand and read it and look at it long enough for Dean and Elaine to stand and watch them.  

Everyone is discussing Noura being crazy.  But Elaine still knows she's public enemy #1 so she "has to make moves".  She talks to Lauren about her alliance with Tommy, and how she has now been replaced in his eyes with  Dean.  She points out that no one wants to sit next to her at the end.  Lauren says Elaine is making her think about Tommy and Dean.  

Lauren confronts Tommy and tells him she thinks they want her out and that they want a 3 man final with Dean, Tommy and Dan.  Tommy tells her she's acting like a jealous girlfriend.  Tommy then runs to the 2 boys and they laugh about their final 3 plans while Tommy says he needs to get rid of Lauren.  Says "it's fun to lie".  Dan isn't sold on Dean yet.  

The boat arrives and they need to pick a name to go to Isle of the Idols.  Dean gets picked, unfortunately, which means we get more screen time with him.  

BR has enjoyed his time on Survivor, and is out swimming and catching fish.  It's really cute how they pretend they are roughing it. He catches a fish and he and Sandra eat it.  It says a lot that this season these are my favorite "players", and I take back everything I ever said about not wanting them there.  I wonder if they will make an appearance at the final tribal council and give their thoughts?  

Anywhoo, Dean sees his "childhood idols", which is gotta burn BR.  Sandra asks him how the game is going and he says he feels good.  He tells him he backed out of the blindside and he's in good shape because he has the legacy from them.  Sandra keeps a straight face and Dean asks if she can confirm the idol is real.  She says she cannot confirm.  He tells them he made a fake legacy idol, of the fake legacy idol and Sandra calls him brilliant.  Hmmmmm.  He tells him his big plan is to get them all to vote for him, pull out the legacy and make a big move of deciding who goes home.  BR gently tells him it's never a good idea to put votes on yourself.....

BR tells him he's there for a lesson about jury management.  He asks Dean if he is going to be able to tell a good story to the jury.  Tells him "how you get there gives you votes".  You need a story that says you are the best player.  He offers him this test- a wager for a choice of 3 different advantages.  It's basically a coin flip to get an advantage or lose  vote and if he wins he could have a big bragging story.  Dean says he's going to do it and he goes for the idol nullification.  BR flips the coin and of course he wins.  

Dean returns and tells them that it was all just a coin flip, which he did but lost his vote.  He them tells the boys club he really won.  Perhaps at the finale when Jeff goes all "Survivor is a mirror on society" he could include the part where white men all stick together and lie and chat against women and minorities in real life too.  They also apparently cover for each other when they grab and harass women, but we're not there yet.....

Immunity Challenge:  They have to spin to unwind themselves, then do a dizzy balance beam and then a giant word puzzle.  Elaine is all 'OH NOOOOOO, WORD PUZZLE!!!"  Elaine is about 5 seconds from getting it but Dean wins immunity.  

After they return, Dean and Dan go off to look for some female producers to harass.  Lauren, Noura, Tommy and Janet discuss putting all of their votes on Elaine.  Later, Tommy says Noura is plan B but she doesn't know it.  

Lauren thinks Dan and Tommy might decide to get rid of her.  She talks to Elaine about getting rid of Noura.  Elaine says she'll do whatever to stay in.  Lauren is thinking about it because she "needs a resume".  Lauren talks to Janet about it.  Janet wonders who is more dangerous, Noura or Elaine??

Tribal-BR and Sandra see that Dean won immunity.  They laugh because once more he sits down at tribal and starts doing stretches.  

Elaine says she was pissed to lose immunity because she almost had it.  

Tommy says 7 players is ideal because you only need 4 to change things.

Dan says that it's still dangerous, that their "foundation had an earthquake last time and now they are all stronger".

Elaine says she has been a target since Day 1.  She asks why not keep her to the end?  Points out that her vote is for Noura, and that if she goes to the end then it's choice between Noura or Janet.  

Janet and Lauren are talking

Elaine points out that 'if you're voting me out because I'm a threat, then you are basically stepping up to be the next threat.  

Janet says it's a lot to think about.  Lauren agrees.

Elaine says she's a glass half empty and that she's had a lot of rough times, mentions her mom dying 3 months ago she didn't have time to heal.  Janet hugs her.  Elaine says she's been fighting for 35 days and she's still fighting.

Janet tells her that there have been times in her life when she couldn't understand the tragedy.  She addresses Elaine and tells her that she ultimately will find her way.  

Elaine says that makes her not want to leave.  Says as long as she's there dreams are still alive.  

AND THEN THE COMMERCIAL BEFORE THEY VOTE....

Any idols?  Nope.  And Elaine is voted out.  Everyone is sad.

And then Jeff comes walking up the beach and drops the bombshell that Dan had "another episode off camera with a non contestant" and he won't be coming back.  Whaaaaattt??  Which is a total surprise but, actually, not a surprise at all because men who get away with shit like that once are empowered to try more next time.  

Questions I have that I hope will be answered:

1) why wasn't Kellee's report enough, even if the other 2 bitches recounted their reports?

2) why did it take a crew member complaining for him to get bounced?

3) was the event BEFORE or after the tribal vote and shouldn't Elaine be brought back in?

4) how much is Dan suing CBS for?  Because you KNOW the Harvey Weinstein's of the world always sue.  Even when they are 100% friggin guilty.  

Rumor is the finale is being taped, not live, this year for security and safety reasons.   I'm going with "because of the lawsuit Dan has filed about the show we have to edit anything said negatively about him".   You know what Jeff?  I'd rather this entertainment show WASN'T a mirror of the worst of our society.  

Good luck to those of you still left!  I have no favorite in this group.  Janet probably would have been had she not cozied up to Dan and forgiven him.  Should be an interesting final night although I will bet any discussion of this incident is 100% edited out.  

Survivor: Whole Lotta Drama for Nothing!

Good Morning to you Survivor people still reading these updates!  We are down to the penultimate episode tonight I am guessing, and seriously someone should come running in with a chainsaw and just start getting people off the island.  Maybe Sandra?  

Let me first up say that I was WRONG about Sandra and Boston Rob because they have been the fresh air in this stale show.  Just like the two old dudes in the balcony at the muppets, they provide the humorous moments needed.  I say they should always get the catbird seat!!

Day 31 and BANG it's loved ones.  Who we got??

Lauren's husband, who is white (not that there's anything wrong with that)  and was it me?  Much younger than her? 

Tommy's girlfriend Nicole who doesn't know she's getting a ring in a few weeks.  Seems nice.

Krishma's husband, who we have heard much about and she seemed happy to see him.  She tells Jeff that it's the loneliness that can break you out there.

Noura's sister Lana (or as I call her, the pretty one) who calls her sister's insanity "Noura-mal".  Her handicap is visual unlike her sister, whose handicap is MENTAL.  

Janet's husband John comes in in a pink shirt as a sign that their new grandbaby is gonna be a girl.

Dean's mom Laurie

Dan's 13 year old son, Ryan.  And GOD KNOWS what that child is being taught about women..... I hear Harvey Weinstein also had children...

Elaine's girlfriend Tanya who has 2 children.  

The challenge is an old one, two survivors are tethered together and have to run out of the water, dig under a sandbar, somewhere along the line until sandbags and then land one on a table.  Jeff nicely brings Noura's sister down to the water so she can see what's happening.  

Teams:

Dan and Noura (screwed)

Lauren and Karishma (totally screwed)

Tommy and Janet

Dean and Elaine

Janet and Tommy win.  They get to pick 2 people and  chose Dan and Lauren.  Enraging everyone else.  

Karishma says it was a moment of clarity that they are the bottom.  Says they are gonna join together and put a wrecking ball on someone's game.  

At reward, which is food of course.  They've stopped doing good works like handing soccer balls out to poor tribal kids.  Janet says it is like as shot of energy and Tommy says his job is to get it done now.  

Shall we talk strategy?  Elaine?  Lauren says those 4 at home aren't with them.  Noura is "there, bitch" and Dean says that Elaine came back games blazing.  

Back on the island they bitch.  and Bitch.  Noura goes a bit wild complaining. Karishma gets all excited they might mean to include her.  Elaine tells her she might be getting a little sidetracked in her insanity.  

Dean says it scares him that Lauren has Tommy wrapped around her finger.  He says they are split 4-4, so they need another person or the idol.  

Everyone goes looking.  Karishma tells them it's blue so they're all looking for blue and Noura says she is using her 'reticular activating system".  Elaine finds the idol.  I personally was jumping for joy.  Noura says she always comes through! The game is gonna change today!

Immunity Challenge

Stand on a block on one foot and stabilize a ball over your head.  It comes down to Karishma, Dan, Elaine and Lauren and Lauren wins immunity.  

Janet suggests they split the vote Karishma 4, Elaine 3.  Janet tells Noura.  Noura tells Elaine and Karishma.  They decide all will go on Tommy.  Elaine points out Noura is a fruit loop and she goes into an endless spin trying to do the math that comes up with 4.  She says maybe they should do a 3-1 split in case Tommy has an idol.  Everyone tries to tell her 1 doesn't get anyone anything.  Dean tries to straighten her out and gives up.  

Lauren points out to Dan that Dean and Noura are missing.  Tommy says that Noura is the wild (and crazy) card.   ALL IT TAKES IS ONE MISTAKE.

Tribal

Janet says  the loved one moment was awesome

Behind her Dean tells Tommy he's getting 3 votes and everyone scrambles and talks to each other in groups.  I wish they would put an end to this bullshit.  Noura tells Tommy she needs to talk to him.  She them decides to blow it all up and says "Dean, I can't trust you.  You, Elaine and Karishma are all on the bottom".  I'll NEVER join you.

Elaine points out they were coming after her and splitting the vote.

Noura says she was gonna tell her...

Lauren asks her if she is considering the plan and she says she was.

Karishma says Noura was with them in the plan

Tommy says to Lauren that "she's a friggin liar and it all now makes sense"

Boston Rob correctly points out that Noura is crazy

Everyone sits down.  Noura says she didn't instigate it all, DEAN did.  

Tommy tells Jeff it's "Teaching Time with Tommy"

Vote.  Any idols?  Elaine plays hers.  

Noura gets 3 and Karishma gets 5.  And to quote Sandra, "All that to just vote out Karishma"?????

  

A Survivor Update!

Greetings and welcome back!  We have about 3 weeks left in this season and 8 people to get through to the SOLE SURVIVOR!  Who are you all thinking it will be? 

2 weeks ago we had a double whammy with the twin duo of meanness Aaron and Missy going home.  I’m surprised Missy didn’t cry discrimination as she made a big deal out of Jeff not commenting on the historic first of two African Americans with immunity idols in the same week.  Pretty sure it was one of the few times there has ever been two of any kind having immunity together this late in the game. 

So two weeks ago we had pitiful Karishma lamenting that she was a GOAT-and not the Patriots QB good kind of GOAT (that comment is for you Stacey!).  No, in Survivor land a GOAT is someone useless you bring along to the end so you can beat them.  Karishma is a GOAT.  But she was smart enough last week to get her ass out and find an idol!  FYI she is also a trial lawyer so don’t count her out if she is able to struggle through to the end. 

After finding the idol she stumbled back to camp in her and pretended to be lost and dehydrated, and Noura and Tommy who want her gone yesterday tried to get a medic called in to take her out.

So because we have way too many people at the end this season, we had a double elimination that week.  Teams actually split into 2 and had a challenge with 2 parts, each with a winner and each team to go to tribal.  The final 2 people left (it was the stand on a beam and roll a ball in a circle thingy challenge) went for PB&J for their team.  Noura won for her group but alas jumped off and forgot to go for PB&J.  Elaine won that and the right to go second for the two tribals. 

The losing tribe also went back to the old camp so they couldn’t discuss plans with the whole group.  Aaron hated being back there and was freaked to be without Missy and Eliz. The losing tribe was Dan, Dean, Lauren, Aaron, Noura and Janet.  

Noura realizes this is one of the few times they have a shot at th and wants him out. There’s some modest agreement but the testosterone twins, Dean and Dan, are afraid if they get rid of Aaron that moves them up to the top of the “threat” list.  Kinda like the naughty list but with muscles.  Dean wants Janet gone.  Dan, who had just patched the whole sexual harassment thing up and swept it under the mat, says he’s about 50/50 Janet or Aaron.

On the other side, eating PB&J are Missy, Tommy, Eliz, Elaine and Karishma.  Missy is all it’s time for Karishma….or is it?  She thinks she has time with her girl alliance (is that really a thing??) Missy wants to separate Lauren and Tommy because they are a pretty under the radar pairing.  Missy talks to Karishma-actually she talks AT her and tells her “everyone wants you but I want to go with Tommy” .  Karishma is feeling a bit flush with that idol in her bra strap and tells her “not just yet…I want to talk to everyone….”.  This enrages Missy and fuels Karishma who is tired of this 24 year old pushing her around.  This is the point in the movie where we are all supposed to cheer.  Missy keeps chasing her and trying to bully her and Karishma won’t listen. 

Karishma tells Elaine  that Missy is gunning for Tommy.  Elaine tells Tommy, or course.  Now Tommy is all in for Missy and now everyone wants Karishma’s vote. 

Missy tries to apologize to Karishma and tells her she’s only trying to get to the all girls alliance play time. 

Tribal 1:

First off I love Boston Rob and Sandra doing the commentary in the sky box like those old guys on Sesame Street.  BR points out that as soon as they sit down Dean is rolling his sleeves up to show off his “guns”. 

Dan says it was terrified to be split up but after people scrambled the target remains the same. 

Janet says she’s at the bottom so that comment is obv directed at her. 

Dean says that it’s concerning to not have his people with him. 

Aaron points out, in case anyone hadn’t noticed, that this is the first time he has been without an immunity idol in a while and it’s an opportunity to see if his alliances hold up.

Aaron also says that they are a group of people working together to accomplish what we want.  How true…

Noura says basically “and yet shit happens and I lost Jack…”

Janet says that she talked to everyone and hopes they see her way. 

Time to vote…

Janet gets one vote and Aaron gets all of the rest!  BR says “told you so!!”

Aaron goes straight over to the jury and the next tribal comes in.  Missy and Eliz are shockced!

Eliz says her heart is beating fast. Aaron was her #1 person.

Missy says that’s not how the jury should look. 

Elaine tells Jeff they all were sneaky splitting them up.

Eliz says there was chaos today but she is good with her plan.

Missy starts bagging on Karishma saying she was “bad today”

Karishma points out that Missy wouldn’t let it go and tried to escalate the argument

 Missy gets all huffy that Karishma called her a bully and says that’s not who she is.

Sandra points out that there clearly isn’t room for both of them.

Jeff asks if they are just too different to get along

Tommy says that they just both view things differently.

Eliz thought they bridged their gap but Missy tells Karishma that although everyone wants her gone because she lies, she would LOVE to work with her.

Vote:  Idols?  Nope

Tommy gets 2 votes and Missy gets enough to join her buddy Aaron on the jury!  On the way out Tommy tells her he knew she was coming after him, Elaine tells her “I did what I had to do” and takes credit for it all, Missy tells Elizabeth she has to kill Elaine, and tells Karishma “I was keeping you to the end”. 

Sandra sums it up: Everyone is keeping her to the end!

And now last week…..

The first tribe doesn’t know what happened at the second tribal.  Lauren is all nervous that everyone is gonna align against Tommy.  She can’t believe Missy is gone.  GET OUT!!!

Karishma is happy because her top 2 targets went home and she still has her idol.  Eliz is devastated that her whole alliance is gone.  Elaine tells her that now maybe she can build relationships on her own. 

Tommy is happy.  He, Lauren and Dean talk.  Dean wants Karishma-he’s wanted her gone for ever. He says “Here comes the GOAT army”.  Karishma is the #1 GOAT, and then Noura is the #1 GOAT and everyone else is a target.  C’mon, Lauren is totally also a GOAT, am I right??  Dean thinks the goats are gonna rise up and take down Tommy, him and Eliz.  Tommy subscribes to the Goat Army but also thinks Eliz has to go. 

In comes the IoI boat.  They have to send someone and and it has to be unanimous OR they need to draw names.  Karishma wants to go but before she can say anything Lauren volunteers.

Can we talk about what a bust IoI has been??  Why doesn’t anyone get curious that nobody seems to  come back with any info or idols??

BR and Sandra are sitting around with a chicken.  Sandra apparently isn’t a fan of the chicken who knows it and bites her finger so she will drop her papaya because they are still pretending BR and Sandra are still ruffing it and not cooking with gas on a premier Viking stove back behind the “snug”. 

Lauren is all OMGOOOOOOD!  They go to the snug and ask her how she is doing and she tells them although she isn’t an athlete she is good at the social game.  BR tells her she is there for a lesson in situational analysis.  He tells her she has an opportunity to win immunity by predicting who will win immunity next time.  He asks her if she can predict it.  She tells him that although she knows the tribe she has only a one in nine chance of getting it right.  He tells her what the challenge is-they have to stand on stations and hold a bar up to keep a ball from falling.  He also tells her it’s an eat of play challenge with a breakfast option, and apparently IHOP didn’t come through with the marketing money so no commercials today.   

He and she work through who all would chose to eat due to hunger or knowing they can’t win the challenge. That leaves her with Noura, who is a vegan and doesn’t eat food, or Eliz who feels threatened.  BR them offers her the choice to pick 2 people in exchange for winning immunity and she goes for it. 

Back at camp, Dean is playing with his fake legacy advantage that Jamal apparently left.  It’s good for when there are 9 or 7 people left.  For some reason he uses the Michaels idol faking craft table and makes a fake of the fake to use.  I totally don’t get this although he thinks the original one IS real. 

Lauren tells them that she learned what the next challenge is and that there is a chose to eat instead option.  She tells Tommy the truth and they work on everyone but Noura and Eliz to get them to chose the eat option. 

Immunity Challenge.  Jeff explains it and then uncovers breakfast and nobody reacts.  He’s all “wait did I lost my skills?”  Lauren tells him they may have had a tip there was going to be food.  Everyone BUT Eliz, Noura and Karishma chose to eat.  Karishma as expected drops first and is all upset. She tells Jeff that she promised herself that she would always try but her body keeps letting her down. 

Eliz drops and Noura wins immunity and tries to stand there holding the bar letting people eat longer but Jeff tells her it doesn’t work that way. 

Back at camp people start talking about it being Eliz.  Tommy and Dan are all in for her going.  Dan tells Elaine he’ll go with Eliz.  He’d rather Karishma but he’s not going to damage his game for it. 

Eliz tells Noura that she blew it.  Noura tells her to keep fighting. 

Karishma is dizzy again.  Noura grabs her bag and she and Eliz go through it looking for an idol.  They don’t find it because it’s still stuck in her bra. 

Dan tells her they are splitting the vote Eliz and Janet but the real plan is now Eliz and Karishma.

Karishma is sitting with Eliz and talking to her and Lauren is sitting nearby reading lips.  She tells Dan that she just heard Karishma tell her it’s Dan so Dan sidles up and says “did you just say MY name??”  Dan is now enraged and wants Karishma gone NOW.  Dean is all “that’s music to my ears”. 

Tribal

Jeff asks why people didn’t eat.

Eliz says she competed because she lost her alliance and knows she is on the chopping block. 

Karishma says she knows she is on the bottom and wanted to challenge herself.

Noura says she felt strong and wanted to step up so the team could eat that nasty shit.

Jeff says, so 6 people felt safe?  And Dan says YEP, he believes in his alliance.

Karishma points out it’s now an individual game and someone could slit your throat. 

Tommy says some people needed the pitstop to get to the end of the game.

Dean says he was in a peculiar situation because he has a legacy idol.

Lauren says it’s important to navigate through all of the relationships but everyone has their own priority list.

Tommy says it’s never easy getting 8 people to agree.

Elaine says you just have to pick a core group and roll with them.  “I’m gonna roll with them or roll the fuck home”

Time to vote.  Idols?

Dean plays the fake legacy idol and Jeff tells him it’s fake. 

Karishma plays her idol and everyone is all WHAAAAA???  BR and Sandra are all YESSSSS!

Lauren plays her idol.

Karishma gets 7 votes but is safe.  Janet and Eliz both get a vote so they revote just for those two and finally, Eliz goes home. 

Sandra: It’s all well and good until someone plays an idol! 

Survivor Update Catch Up!

Hello and welcome to the apparently OCCASIONAL Survivor update.  LOL!  In my defense it's been insane at my house- Wil had back surgery, I have 3 back to back pottery shows without enough inventory, AND my dog Phoebe had surgery, is in a cast and has to be kept quiet and away from her crying brother for 4-6 weeks!!  Jesus, why did I give up drinking???

Lemme quick catch up on the week we missed.  We are in new tribes still and doing the inevitable crap about who you will be loyal to- your former tribe or this new version of a tribe, and we're already plotting for that merge when people all get back together and test those new alliances.  

Noura thinks she's sitting pretty with a 5-2 situation BUT she doesn't trust Jack or Jamal from her original tribe -she wants one of them to go and she talks to Dean about it.  Dean is happy someone has approached him with a plan that isn't him going home but unfortunately it has to come from the complete nutter.  He thinks it'd be crazy for him to work with her.  

He tells Jamal about her plan to target him or Jack and Jamal reminds Dean that she's freaking insane, and suggests going with her might not be the best solution to his problems.  And now Jamal is worried about Noura and thinks she has to go.  

On the new Purple tribe Jack is getting his buff straightened out by Dan and Elaine says awww, it looks like he's getting ready for a date.  Tommy says "no way he has a date..."

Elaine says with a 4-4 split it's going to get serious.  Says they might have to stick together and go for rocks.  

Missy and Eliz don't want to go to rocks.  Aaron tells Jason he isn't going to rocks.  Tells him "I'd rather sacrifice one of my girls" than take the chance with rocks.  Tells him not Missy or Eliz but he'd be OK with Elaine going.  Jason says they're flipping at the drop of the hat-it's "all good in the hood".  

Reward challenge is for chickens and Purple wins.  Elaine sits out which means she has to go to Island of the Idols.  

On IoI Boston Rob is building a mansion in his down time.  Sandra is helping him and probably bitching about it.  He thinks he needs to build her her own wing because of her snoring.  

Elaine says she's just a 5'2" busted can of biscuits and at this point some alone time on IoI might be good!  And then she sees the statues and BR and Sandra and is all excited!  

Today's lesson is about having the courage to be daring.  He starts a bottle with sand in it and tells Elaine she has that amount of time to decide.  LET'S DO IT!!!  BR says "but you don't know what it is yet"  Being impulsive in Survivor is a double edged sword.  Elaine tells him that's the story of her life and she is on Survivor to win but also to have an adventure after losing her mom 3 months ago.  

Sandra says Elaine won her over!  At the Immunity challenge is a block a vote advantage and she has only one chance to grab it.  She tells him she's like a ninja.  He explains that if she can't grab it she loses her vote in the next challenge-which is huge given they are 4-4 split.  

On Orange Jamal is some African studies dude and he's showing people how to do a "wassalanka" rhythm dance.  Jacks loves it and thinks Jamal is great.  Later while cooking Jack suggests Jamal uses his "do rag" to grab the hot pot and it goes over like a fart in church.  Jamal says he never knows with white people when to let things go or to have the race conversation.  Jack walks away making it look worse but Jack is mortified with himself.  Later he tells Jamal that he's embarrassed by what he said. Jamal points out that the do rag is part of the image of a black man-and it's a negative image but it's so ingrained that it just flowed off Jack's tongue.  

Jamal tells Jack that white men have a long way to go to understand being a black male and being on the bottom.  Jack is really touched that Jamal took the time to explain how he felt to him and he sincerely apologizes. Jamal says that that apology will stay with him forever because it was so honest.

Ok, social lesson for today over.  Elaine returns to camp and Eliz asks her if she met anyone on IoI.  Elaine tells her about the advantage and how she has to grab it and Eliz says she'll cover for her.  Eliz says THIS IS HUGE and Elaine is all NO PRESSURE THOUGH.  

IC has the teams dig under a giant bamboo cage and them walk with the cage to several spots where they collect balls.  Then they throw the balls into nets on a giant wall.  Elaine is able to grab the advantage while people are untying knots.  Purple is way ahead but Orange pulls back up and Dean gets a redo on his bball skills and Orange wins immunity.  

Jason says Elaine is like one of the chickens about to be slaughtered.  He says they need to clue in Missy and Aaron so they don't get spooked.  Meanwhile Elaine runs up to Aaron and tells him her "good news".  He tells her he's in but...  They tell Missy and she's more into it.  "OK, now we run the game".  Aaron keeps pretending he's going along but thinks this is his chance to get rid of Elaine and aligning with the other side.  

Tommy says it's Elaine.  Someone asks is she might have an idol and snarky Lauren says "she's not smart enough to have one.  Lauren also says that Missy and Eliz would have spilled the beans.  She flat out asks them and they tell her nope.  

Elaine thinks that while Dan is a sketchy bag checker and Tommy is a bit physical threat, Jason is smart AND strategic.  Aaron decides he's in charge of the game and must decide whether to switch alliances or stay in his original one.  

Tribal 

Elaine says it's an old fashion stand off.  Bring it!

Aaron says it just takes one person to flip,

Tommy points out that they have a lot of their original tribe left overall so they're not flipping.  Which is a stupid thing to say because you've just told them whoever flips will be on the bottom.  

Eliz points out that's the problem with eating their own because they'd be left with just trusting them.

Dan says if someone switches they'd become 7 strong and then play with the people we want instead of sticking with tribal alliances. 

Elaine says that it's easier to trust when you think your on top.  Gonna be hurt feelings tonight. 

Jeff says but nobody has leverage.  

People are all "we're willing to go to rocks" because they think Aaron and Missy are with them.

Elaine says she doesns't like rocks, explains her advantage and blocks Jason't vote.  

BR points out it doesn't mean she still isn't going if Missy AND Aaron vote against her.  

Jason says it's all out of his control now.  Everyone is up whispering and Lauren starts crying because I guess she figured she was gonna just cruise on her nastiness to the end.  

Lauren says it sucks that she might now go.

Dan says he'll be really disappointed and Tommy says it's awful and he'd replay it forever.  

Jason says it's all up to the Survivor Gods!

Vote- Jason tries to get Aaron to fist bump and he refuses. The original purple people are all freaking their arrogant selves out.  

Aaaand......Jason is voted out.  Jason tells them "hey, don't trust Aaron" on the way out.  BR points out that Tommy is really mad!

So now last week....y'all still reading??

Elaine returns to camp predicting they'll be all butthurt but now her side has the numbers.  Lauren is still crying and saying "I was lied to".  It's Survivor honey.  Missy tells her she's safe because she's a connection to the other girls.  Aaron predicts they'll come back begging for their lives.  

It's a rainy night on Orange.  Jamal can't get the fire started. Kelley goes over to give it a try and he starts mansplaining to her how to do it.  Hey men, DROP THE FRIGGIN MANSPLAINING OK??  Jesus how many times to women have to tell ya. Kelley walks away disgusted, and Jamal is all "was I out of line??"  Someone points out that he should have at least let her try.  She ultimately comes back and starts the fire.  

Noura points out that there seems to be less rice than usual this morning.  Asks if it was made with the same amount of water.  Jamal tells her there's less because she took a heaping serving.  Noura is all I AM SO OVER HIM!!  Noura is talking to the other women and is all AT WHAT POINT DO WE PLAY THE WOMAN CARD and start playing "our game".  Wise Janet says they are not doing the women power thing.  Says Dean is the next to go.  

A boat arrives and Janet has to go to IoI.  She's all surprisingly crying and saying she's scared.  She's upset because going to IoI puts a target on people's backs.  Then she sees BR and Sandra and says it answers all the questions why this season is called Island of the Idols.  Especially since no one every comes back with idols....

Janet says she was afraid to come because of the target thing but she feels confident that her tribe trusts her.  BR tells her she needs to think 2-3 moves ahead and today's lesson is on calculated risk. He tells her they are going to play a simple game and if she wins she gets a "safety without power" advantage to use before the last 7 players where she could walk out of tribal and be safe.  If she loses, she would lose her vote the next tribal.  

Janet is wondering if that would put a bigger target on her back?  She decides it's not worth it and says no.  BR tells her she really understood the lesson. Sandra points out to him that Janet was the first person to ever say no and that she's even  more convinced that the winner this season will be a female.  

She returns in the boat and they yell out "show us your idol" -to which she flashes her boobs.  Kelley is concerned what she's going to say because their stories need to be consistent.  Janet says it was a game of chance with a 50-50 odds and she decided not to play.  Kelley is happy that the IoI secret is still safe.  

On purple, Dan is way to "snuggly" on Eliz at night. Creeper.

Lauren, Dan and Tommy are now on the bottom.  She and Tommy decide to undertake a throw Dan under the bus strategy and go around bad mouthing him.  Missy sees right through it and says "those 2 are thick as thieves" .  She thinks they need to get rid of Tommy so Lauren has no lifeline and will join with them.  

Challenge- it's yet another basketball kind of challenge, throwing coconuts into giant hanging baskets to drop very heavy puzzle pieces.  And y'all know what to do with puzzle pieces.  

Purple again is in the lead and think they have it all the while Elaine is yeling 'THIS PIECE IS WRONG".  They ignore her and waste time getting Jeff to come over to tell them it's wrong.  Orange almost catches up but Purple wins immunity.  

Kelley says they suck at challenges and have to go back to tribal.  She has an expiring idol and doesn't really need to use it BUT it's burning hole in her pocket so of course she has to find a way to use it.  

Jamal says that Dean is the plan.  He's hard to read and smarmy.  Karishma asks Jamal what he thinks and is just thrilled that it's not her.  

Dean and Jack talk and decide it's Noura.  Jack is just playing Dean by agreeing though but Dean is all excited that Noura is going to get blindsided.  

Kelley is still obsessing about the idol and says the plan is Dean but she really likes Dean and has this vague connection to him through some girl he probably cheated on.  While she's having her one on one camera moment she decides she's had a moment of inspiration to give her idol to Dean if he'll write down the person she chooses.  Hmmm, should she go Jack or Jamal?  

She gets a shit load of air time deciding how to be all crafty in doing this in a way that people never figure out she had an idol and that she gave it to him.  She tells Dean everyone is voting for him BUT she has an idol and she wants to give it to him.  She's WAY OVER ANALYZING THIS.  I'll be setting off dominoes with this move".  

Tribal

Somehow it starts as a question as to who it should be between Noura, Jamal and Dean.  Noura gives some big speech that totally lost me so I can't help you all there. LOL.  It's like she doesn't even speak english.  At some point she insinuates it's Dean and Jack says that she can't keep a secret.  

Jamal brings up the possibility of a girls alliance and we go all cultural bullshit for about 5 minutes about how offensive that is while nobody every calls something a boys alliance, Kelley calls it SEXIST and Jamal is all "Jeff, ask them if there is a womens alliance".  

Noura says OF COURSE THERE IS AND IT SOUNDS COOL!!

Karishma finally opens her mouth to go on about how Survivor is a freaking "microcosm of America" and she brings in the me too movement, empowerment of women and god knows what else. She says she doesn't blame Jamal for being concerned that women would get together and RISE UP!

And they they all congratulate each other for the powerful topic and are all WOOHOOOO this episode is so WOKE!!!  I'm sure Jeff had an orgasm from it all.  

Janet says that the notion of a womens alliance is negative and it puts women down as just simplistic in wanting to work with someone just because they are female.  She says powerful women need men too and she says women needs to earn their position.  BR is all HEAR HEAR!!

Jamal keeps the bullshit going saying he's so proud of how passionate they are.  

Jack says dudes it's a friggin game and if I write your name down it doesn't mean that I don't friggin VALUE YOU AS A PERSON.  

And thankfully it's time to stop this nonsense and vote.  

Any one have an idol?  Dean suddenly has one and someone asks then why didn't he play it last time?  Kelley is all I don't know, huh?

Jamal next plays his idol for friggin NOURA.  Which blows my mind.  Sandra is all HOLY ______ THEY HAVE ALL KINDS OF IDOLS.  BR thinks that's a mistake...

Dean gets 5 votes and Jack gets 2 so Jack is voted off AND BECOMES THE FIRST MEMBER OF THE JURY.  WTF??  That doesn't happen until the merge.  

Sandra: DANG THEY GOT HIS ASS!!!

Survivor: Blindsides are fun!!

Welcome to the "the world is going to hell so let's just watch reality tv" update of week 4.  And, yes, I know there was no week 3 update-the husband had back surgery last Wednesday (with barely a week's notice) and it got lost in the 800 other things I had to do.  

So. quick update:  Vinny was selected to go to IoI where the lesson of the week was about staying calm under pressure.  His test was to go to the purple tribe's camp late at night and steal some fire with his torch.  He completes the challenge BUT since the fire was out he brings back ashes (pretty smart if you ask me).  BR and Sandra let him slide with the ashes and he gets immunity.  

The IC was a team water thing, with a puzzle thing and Purple came from behind sending the Orange tribe to tribal.  At Tribal it was between Karishma and Vince, and Vince went home with his idol still in his pocket.  Maybe BR and Sandra could do a lesson on USING YOUR DAMN IDOL.  

Week 4!  And we finally see Dean in a major asshole way.  Seriously he has been edited out for weeks and bang, he's a star player.  Karishma says she has no hard feelings for all of the votes she took but she realizes she's expendable as plan B.  She's really pretty effing useless too.  

I think it's Aaron who is thinks that he's calling the shots and he says that although Karishma is an easy target, Dean and Chelsey have put a big ol target on their backs by sleeping all cuddled up.  Calls them the power couple.

Dean says that he's into Chelsea but Chelsea tells Elaine that she's not here for any romance.  

Aaron and Missy talk about the couple and say they are trouble.  Missy thinks it's time for a big move and wants to get Dean out so she can continue with her girl power alliance.  

On the Purple tribe every one decides to take the raft out and go fishing.  Jamal says his full on melanin stocked skin can't take that much sun so he's gong to stay in the shade.  He's actually nervous because people aren't talking to him much and he was left out of the Molly bindside.  He wants to see if the Island of Idols means there are hidden idols.  Aaaaaand while looking and discussing some bad breakup and how it taught him to be zen and shit, he finds an idol.  

Later a boat arrives at the Purple camp and someone has to go to IoI.  Either draw a name out of the hat OR by unanimous decision.  People are worried about going because it puts a target on your back if you say HELL I'LL GO!!  Except for socially clueless Noura who says HELL I'LL GO!!!  

She's whisked off to IoI yelling WOOOHOOOOO the whole way.  She's excited to see BR and Sandra because they are EXPERTS.  They ask if she wants watermelon and she screams WOOOOHOOOO I LOVE WATERMELON!!  LOL, she totally reminds me of Elf.  She says she's a novice and needs to learn from these 2.  BR tells her everyone who comes to IoI gets a lesson, and hers is about the art of persuasion.  He explains the thing that works best is if you are offering something they other person wants.  Says there are different kinds of persuasion: 1) the appeal to someone's ego, 2) the scare them tactic, 3) the start a rumor tactic and 4) the this for that negotiation.  Noura thinks her way of negotiation is MORE INTELLECTUAL.  LOL.  BR offers her a test-the next challenge will have a blindfolded caller and if she can persuade them to let her be the caller then she will win an advantage-the ability to take a vote from someone.  WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO. Br tells her to think about it but she's all I AM DOING IT!!!  Sandra says she jumped at it with out thinking.  BR says that she's the last person you would ever want as a caller because she lives in Noura world not reality world.  Noura gets the boat back to her tribe yelling WOOOOOOOHOOOOO the whole way.  

She returns to camp and it's so bad.  Noura rushes to say she gets an advantage in the next challenge BUT you have to agree UNANIMOUSLY with my roll in the challenge.  People try to ask what the challenge is but she's all YOU HAVE TO SAY YES FIRST AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE CHALLENGE IS.  LOL.  Not sure what well thought out strategy she's using!  They agree reluctantly and she tells them it's a blindfold challenge and she is the caller.  

Dan says it is so unbelievably bizarre.  Says if people's eyes could really do full circles like cartoon characters his would be.   

Jamal starts asking her questions- why did she decide to be the caller?  

Noura: It's done.  We d

ecided.  

Jamal: yea, but why?  Noura: It's done.  I'm the caller.  

Jamal: yea but why would you want to be the caller??

 Noura: I don't know, it was the first thing I thought of.  

And then they decide to practice which goes down hill very fast.  Lauren says that a blind man could see this is a disaster in the making.  If she insists on being the caller and fails, it's her ass gone.  

Immunity Challenge: yes, it's the bindfolded challenge where they go out and get 3 bags of puzzle pieces and then do the puzzle also blindfolded with a caller.  

Purple team- you have an extra person who are you sitting out?  Everyone turns around and then they say Noura is sitting out.  LOL!!  They totally rejected her and she loses her vote.  

Jason is calling for the purple, Elizabeth for Orange.  Jason sends them out all together, Eliz sends them out as 3 teams of 2. Jason is really good and purple has all 3  keys while the orange barely gets back with one.  They have a huge start on the puzzle with Jason very calmly telling Kelley how to do it.  They are almost done when the orange tribe gets to the puzzle BUT one of the pieces is in wrong and while Jason is figuring it out Orange gets most of their puzzle done. Orange is about to set the last piece in when Eliz sees she has also made a mistake which give purple the time to redo and win immunity.  

Missy decides it's better to keep useless Karishma and use her for her vote.  Karishma thinks the tribe is a bunch of pansies.  

Dean thinks Karishma is useless (she is).  He says tonight ain't gonna be no blindside.  

Karishma tells Chelsey she is going to go out swinging. Chelsey has an idol and thinks her relationship with Dean will take her far in the fame.  

Eliz, Aaron and Missy talk.  Aaron says they need to blow the game up and Dean has to go.  Eliz pretends to go along but wonders why they would get rid of Dean now when he at least does work around camp.  She remembers that BR told her to "look before she leaps".  

Eliz tells Elaine that they are throwing Dean's name around. Tells her Missy is behind it with Aaron.  Says they aren't going to tell Tom and Chelsey.  Eliz tells Aaron that Elaine isn't on board.  Says it will alienate Chelsea and Tom.  Aaron thinks he's the only one playing the game,  Eliz tells Missy that Elaine is a no.  Missy is all "I'm here to play so I need a name from these people who they would vote out".  Missy talks to Elaine and throws out Chelsea's name.  Elaine thinks this is too much-now she's throwing out Chelsea?  She says they are all yahoos and that this vote is real gut check time.  

Tribal

Chelsea says that with 2 blindsides behind them that they clearly suck at puzzles but not at blindsides.

Karishma says she was the last back up plan and now nobody wants to talk to her.

Elaine says she can't keep up the game is moving so fast-says she doesn't know anything.

Dean says Karishma should get up and talk to other people

Chelsea agrees that you should never throw in the towel and should keep trying to talk to people

Aaron says all you need is to plant a seed of doubt.

Eliz says that one plan became plan 1,2,3,4....

Elaine says it's unnerving because you could be plan Z

Missy says it's Russian Roulette and it could be anyone

Karishma says she's loving the confusion

Missy says Karishma is still in trouble

Karishma says the chaos could be her ladder to climb out

Dean is asked what he would say to someone after a blindside?  "Sorry, thanks for playing..."4

Missy says she would be shocked to be voted off but says they are one part family one part strangers

Chelsea says a blindside makes you smile-it's like we are really playing Survivor!  "It's fun!!"

Time to vote!  Anyone wanna use an idol?  Nope....

Karishma 2

Chelsea is off with 5 plus votes!  

Hey boys and girls!  Have to say this season is better than I anticipated so far.  Question though, has anyone seen the player called Dean? Swear to God he has yet to have any screen time!

Quick update today-crazy busy and I have some pots to make today and no time to proofread!

Orange:

Vince and Aaron are mad.  Vince because I think he didn't know what was going down.  Aaron because his buddy got screwed.  Predicts "Their day will come!!"

Purple:

Noura is a bit flaky this episode.  She's mad that she stayed up with the fire last night and everyone else slept.  Says this is a lame tribe "IMO".  She does EVERYTHING -gets wood, makes fire, gets the coconuts.  AND she's jelly because Molly is all pretty and popular and she's a bit of a skank already.  Meow!  Jason tells her she needs to calm down and he promises to help her.  Basically because she's his only friend.  They agree they are both on the bottom.  Sad.  Noura suggests they use a revenge of the nerds strategy against the pretty people.  

Orange can't make fire.  Chelsea kicks it in about 2 minutes.  Then she goes out and finds an idol.  Says the "girls are dominating".  

Purple:

Noura teaches a yoga class which would get up my ASS as bad as the touchy feely guy frankly.  Jack explains his 23 year old philosophy which is to have fun and "not wear suit".  Which is find as long as your philosophy also includes living with your parents.  

A boat comes up and takes Kellee away to IoI.  She's nervous but Jason tells her to assume nothing and think out of the box.  Or save me the box to live in.  

IoI

Kellee arrives and is nervous.  She sees the giant heads and we don't get to know if she recognizes them or not because Sandra and BR comeout of their "snug".  They again read her the rules that     THEY CANNOT WIN.  Kellee pays close attention and asks what the "offer you a change to test yourself" means?

They sit down and BR starts rapid fire asking her questions-do you have fire?  Are you eating?  Do you know how to make coconut popcorn?  Then Sandra starts talking about her kids and her dogs and Kellee is looking overwhelmed-and I am correctly guessing this is the "pay attention because it's a social game" lesson.  Rob explains it and says they are going to give her a test to see what she remembers for an idol.  Kellee is hesitant about doing it-SMART!! So Rob gives her a better option of 3 questions right for a 3 tribal idol.  She agrees and gets the first 3 right!  She cries because she has such fear of failure, and then picks the next person.  

Returning to camp she cries again and tells them she had a mental breakdown.  Swears she doesn't have and idol and dumps out all of her stuff to prove it-except the idol is hidden in her bun!  

Challenge

Swim, use a ladder to until balls, land balls on a table thingy.  Wanna know?  Immunity and spices.  It's back and forth but Orange comes from behind and wins immunity.  

Purple has to go to tribal and Tommy says, it's every man for himself!

Noura begs them to keep her.  Jamal asks why they should.  She tells him she'll do whatever he wants.  Jamal wants to split the vote and wants Jason because he was looking for an idol.  Molly, Jack and Jamal are all in the cool kids agreement.  Molly wants Noura to go.  Says it would be an easy vote.  

Janet, Kellee and Lauren decide that Molly is running the show.  Lauren also hates Molly.  She tells Jason she wants Molly gone,  He tells Noura that it's not one of them and warns her not to do a happy dance.  

Janet tells Tommy that they want to blindside Molly and he things it's too soon for that.  Says it will split the tribe.  He says the choice is to stay with the cool kids or stick with the nerds who might be better for his game.  

Tribal

Get yer damn fire

Jason says that the first couple of days everyone bonded but him because they are paranoid

Tommy is asked if this is an easy first vote and he says maybe.

kellee says that Jason made a mistake by misreading the "group culture".  Or by thinking this game was friggin called ISLAND OF THE IDOLS.

Jason says he does not have an idol and offers people the chance to go through his dirty clothes.  

Molly thinks that's unnecessary

Noura says she has always been the kid that stuck out, has always kept herself on the outs.  Says it's a negative but sometimes it can be beneficial... She says these same problems effect her actual life but exaggerated here.  Yea, I don't really care.

Molly says that knowing that now about her it makes sense but, meh, I still don't like the bitch

Noura says "I can't just go along" which is something that pisses me off in life.  ANYONE can go along if they want to for a period of time.  People that act that way or say they can't go along with stuff are just self centered assholes.  LOL.  Just my opinion there.  

Dan says something about they being at a level about more than just who's most irritating

Jamal says they are all still in first gear

Jason disagrees-points out that while Jamal is cruising in 1st gear other people are playing the game hard AND worried enough to bring their stuff to tribal.  

Jamal says he just doesn't see the need to fight that hard yet.....

Lauren says she's had to be in 4th gear from their initial step on the beach.  

Kellee says there are contradictions in the group vs the individual games and predicts that after this vote they won't be one big group anymore.  

Vote.  Idol?  Nope.

Jason-2

Noura-1

Molly is totally blindsided with 6 plus votes!  

Sandra: :Damn, they played her ass.....

Survivor Island of the Idols! Week 1

Welcome to season 39 or Survivor!  

Island of the Idols-with Boston Rob and Sandra, Survivor School is in Session!  But where is Jeff??  We see the two tribes arriving at their beaches and…no Jeff.  Contract negotiations gone bad?  Very strange. 

Boston Rob and Sandra HAVE NO CHANCE AT WINNING THE MONEY.  That gets pointed out about 5 times this first week.  Which means there probably will be a twist and they can win the money.  They “will live on Island of the Idols for 39 days”, which is either bullshit or the there’s a new Ritz Carlton out of sight on that island. 

Teams are divided into 2 tribes: Orange “Lairo” and Purple “Vokai” tribe.   We start to do the who are you and why should I hate you instantly routine. 

On the orange tribe we find out we have an Olympic swimmer, Elizabeth, who is bonding with Missy who used to play basketball for the military until she found a friggin BRAIN TUMOR.  She’s currently in remission.  Vince is a Hmong, actually I think he is a first generation American from Hmong refugee parents.  Tom is some 60 year old NHL player. 

On Purple, we have the quintessential old lady (cough cough 59 year old) Janet who is hell bent on not being the first to go home. She apparently did a youtube search and learned how to make fire, so while the kids are running around working on shelter she builds a fire in about 20 seconds-seriously she was killing it AND YET, some man had to mansplain to her what to do.  I have to tell y’all STRAIGHT UP I am having trouble not seeing the arrogant male bullshit this time around. 

Orange:  Tom is impressed that Elaine is “not all prissy with her dress on” (again, see above about these older men).  Elaine is actually a factory worker from Kentucky and quite funny, which is apparently a federal crime.  She, Tom and Vince are out walking in the woods finding stuff for shelter and talking.   The remaining assortment of millennials left at camp notice they are missing and decide to form a 7 person bond against these 3.  Leading are Aaron and Ronnie, who I can tell you right now I am going to hate all season.  Aaron tells everyone that “those 3 have a target on their backs”. 

Purple is chilling around their fire with their shelter thinking this is all gonna be a piece of cake.  Jason, knowing that this season is called Island of the Idols ( to be known as IoI from henceforth) GOES OUT TO LOOK FOR AN IDOL.  And then people notice, including old white dude Dan, who is a talent manager in Hollywood and spends his days telling young people how to do stuff  he wants them to do.  He’s right on it pushing the “WHERE’S JASON” line “why would anyone do something like look for an idol”.  He predicts “he’s done, this will be impossible to dig out from”. 

Jack, the youngest at 23 is with the gang of kids frolicking in the water toilet.  He finds a giant clam and finds it hilarious that he can make it squirt at the girls.  I’m gonna let that lie right there.  Tommy is also young and apparently has bought his girlfriend an engagement ring but I guess hasn’t given it to her. Which is wise, buy the ring when you are poor in case you DO win the million bucks and that bitch want a much bigger ring.  There is apparently a core group of 6, with Jason on the outs.  Noura feels bad for him and tells him that he stepped in shit and everyone thinks he has an idol now. 

Orange:  Elaine is holding court and making everyone laugh about what a hick she is.  She tells them to remind her to put on her drawers for tribal.  Brain Tumor Missy likes all of the girls and suggests they form an all girl alliance.  She also tells Elaine she’s in trouble because she went away with Tom and Vince. 

Purple:  Talent Agent Dan is giving people back rubs which, along with being hilarious myself, is the second reason I would NEVER go on this show.  These people have no personal space.  Kellee is not a fan of the touchy feely and at one point Dan is rubbing her leg with his sweaty head and really annoying her.  Kellee is an MBA student currently living in Phila (Kevin and Ashely did I guess right?).  She says she’s a germaphobe and Dan gives her the creeps.  She talks to Molly who agrees.  Ultimately they talk to Janet about it and Janet is all SO TELL HIM NOT TO TOUCH YOU.  Kellee hangs on the sand with Dan and explains the situation.  He seems to take it well. 

Orange:  Ronnie says that initially people need to sit down and watch what’s going on.  He says he likes Elaine and thinks she has a “dangerous story”.  He decides to talk to her and give her his “good vibe Ronnie” talk about how they should work together etc.  Elaine decides he’s a weasel just from that interaction and thinks he has to go.  The whole time I am looking at Ronnie I am remembering the movie 16 Candles and thinking Ronnie is an “oily bohunk”. 

Challenge AND JEFF IS FINALLY HERE!

He gives his official welcome and Elaine says they’ve been waiting and “we thought you’d quit”. 

The challenge is : up/down an obstacle, drop a bridge, climb a tower and put together a totally cool 7 hut village puzzle.  Seriously I have just the spot for that village by my pond. 

Wanna know?  Winners get this incredibly ugly immunity idol and flint.  The Purple tribe, especially Janet are all “oh we don’t need it” and trying to get Jeff to ask them about it but alas, he’s still too preoccupied with the paternity case that delayed him to notice. 

It’s pretty close all the way until the huts and then Orange TOTALLY FALLS APART.  It’s embarrassing and Jeff gets to yell “ONE OF THE WORST BLOWOUTS IN SURVIVOR HISTORY”.  It is kinda lame that Orange never gets one hut built while Purple kills it.  They win immunity and the flint they don’t need and leave.

Orange has to go to tribal BUT WAIT….. someone has to go to the IoI and one of you has to pick a name out of this bag.  Elaine picks and Elizabeth (Olympian) is off to the unknown.  She’s freaking out because going to something called Island of IDOLS puts a target on her back and she is missing strategy. 

And now we get introduced to the Island of the Idols.  Elizabeth arrives and finds 2 giant heads-she apparently recognizes them as BR and Sandra AND THEN THEY WALK OUT.  She’s all excited and they go into their “snug” where BR again reads the oath that they are mentors who CANNOT WIN THE MILLION DOLLARS.  LOL, why do I think there were a lot of contract negotiations and BR and Sandra need the constant reminder that they ain’t winning anything? 

So they sit and chat and BR tells her that hey are there to teach her stuff and then she will have a chance to “test her knowledge”.  Elizabeth starts talking about camp life and says they don’t have fire  yet-BR is all I CAN TEACH YOU TO MAKE FIRE because you are all so effing stupid you can’t teach yourself to build fire before you come. I almost wish he had pulled out a computer and a youtube video and said, there bitch.  

BR shows her how to build a fire in  seconds and she’s all amazed.  “It’s that easy”.  Sandra takes Elizabeth away to practice making a fire-they show her making one but I hope there was more practice than that. 

They return to BR who offers her a challenge- race him to make fire and if she wins, she gets immunity good for the next 2 tribals.  Lose and she loses her vote this week.  You can tell immediately she is going to jump at the competition, and Sandra is trying to get her to think it through because “Elizabeth vs BR is a mismatch". 

Orange:  Elaine is worried.  She and Chelsea and Vince and Tom talk and they think they have 6 with Elizabeth and Missy.  They want Ronnie, the oily bohunk gone.  Karishma, Aaron, Ronnie and Vince talk and they also think they have Elizabeth with them.  They want Elaine to go.  Vince goes and tells Elaine that the other group is throwing her name out. 

Back at IoI, of course Elizabeth wants to try the challenge.  BR points out it’s a rooky mistake to jump at the first offer because he had another counteroffer for her. 

Even with Sandra being all nice and talking her through it, BR kicks her ass and makes fire in a heartbeat.   BR points out to her that although she lost she should have learned now that Survivor is full of pitfalls.  Tells her she should always  trust her gut-says she should have never gone up against him.  He them asks her to chose the next person from the Purple tribe to go (she doesn’t see who it is).

Elizabeth leaves IoI with wisdom but a lost vote tonight. 

Back on Orange Elaine talks to Dan, Aaron, Ronnie and Chelsea and tells them she doesn’t want to go home and that she will vote for whoever they say. Aaron, also a bohunk, starts throwing compliments to her and says “how about Vince”.  Elaine says OK.  After she leaves, Aaron says the decision between Vince and Elaine hasn’t really been made yet. 

Elizabeth returns to IoI and tells them it’s deserted and there are 3 urns.  The one she broke said You lose, No game.  Not sure if anyone believes her or they are concentrating on the tribal to really care.  Everyone wants Elizabeth in their corner so everyone wants to talk to her. 

Tribal

Everyone get fire.  Seriously did Jeff even do his “fire is your life” thing?  He seems really out of it.  BR and Sandra get into a little aerial hut and watch the tribal.

He asks Chelsea what everyone thought about his absence and she tells him they were all confused.

Elaine right off the bat says her name has been thrown out because she gets along with everyone.

Karishma says “likeability is a liability” and BR says she’s smart.

Elaine asks why get rid of her first just because they don’t want to sit next to her on day 39?  Why not wait until day 20? 

Oily Bohunk gives the “we have to stay strong” which is bullshit because she’s tough and there are much weaker women there

Elaine says that she’s devastated.  Starts to cry and talks about how everyone there has a story and has had to overcome a lot of things and pain to get there.  Says it’s heartbreaking that leaving first you don’t get to fulfill your dream, fill your cup up after all of that trying to get there.  She says she wanted this show to build her up not tear her down, “I’ll be devastated to go but this has been the best thing I have every done”.  And I’m sitting here sniffing picturing Laura Engels in Little House on the Prairie sitting in the candlelight watching Survivor on a little hand crank TV and dreaming of getting the HELL off the prairie and onto Survivor.  

Bohunk says he can totally relate how much this opportunity means because it means a lot to him.  Says he’s from South Boston and has had a similar life to her, goes on to list all of the shit jobs he’s had including Sears Auto store, some protein bar thing with his friend, kickboxing somewhere in Asia etc etc.  (his bio currently lists the always wildly prosperous “pro poker player”).  Totally a scam artist who can’t hold a job is all I hear. 

Vince says everyone has a story and gets all emotional.  BR and Sandra for some reason like him. He says he wants to support Elaine but is afraid of people who could impact his game. 

Aaron says it’s hard to vote anyone off….

BR asks Sandra if it was this hard for her to vote people off and she replies “fuck no, I’ll vote you out and that’s it”.  LOL

Time to vote!

Any idols?  Nope.

Vince-2

Ronnie Bohunk 6 (all he needs so no one knows Eliz had no vote)

Jeff says it’s a devastating blindside!

And we are OFF ON SEASON 39!!  Let me know what y’all think!!

 

E