Survivor: Shoulda Seen it Coming!

Good afternoon and welcome to Survivor, proving a bottle of Purell hidden behind every tree saves lives for over 20 years!

We begin where we left off, with smarmy Adam surprised that Parv did not go home.  Boston Rob says he "blew it up:.  Adam realizes he go left out because he was doing everything you shouldn't do.  Michelle and Ben call him STUPID and Michelle says "now you see what happens when you follow him".  Adam decides to go on an apology tour and pledge to not work with Rob and Parv-as if that is even an option.  

Ben calls him a weasel crawling around to everyone, and it's not good for Ben's lackluster game.  He says Rob and Parv are gonna pull shit and if you give them rope, they'll hang you with it.  

On the unicorns and puppies tribe Yul is up early and happy!  GOOOD MORNING!!  WHAT  A LOVELY DAY 10 IT IS!!!  It's all happy and we all love each other!!  Yul, Nick, Wendel and Sophie are all a nice tight group.  From their beach, they can apparently see the Edge of Extinction.  

Over on edge, they get a box with a note:  Chance to earn a fire token (I think Natalie has about 500 by now and is the only one who really knows how they work).  Bring 20 pieces of firewood and stack them one piece at at time-with the wood being about a mile away up on the "mountain".  Has to be completed by sunset.  Ethan says since he's done marathons it should be a piece of cake, and Danni says she is approaching it slow and steady.  Natalie is running it because she is a "monster".  

Around the 10th piece Ethan craps out.  By 16 he's really struggling so they bring in the Australian medic who says his BP is low and he has to rest.  They finally let him finish but tell him to take rests.  Natalie finishes and goes into the water to shit and cry.  Amber and Danni also kill themselves but finish.  Ethan is down to his last leg and all the girls follow him up and down as a show of support and now they are all tightly bonded like office workers with a shitty boss (trust me on this).  

On red, Rob and Michelle talk.  She tells him she was 9 the first time he played and 19 the last time.  She tells him she is here because her win was "controversial".  (I had to look it up and she won 2 back to back final challenges AND used an advantage that allowed her to strip a jury member of the right to attend and vote at the end-i do not remember that but she beat out Tai and Aubry to win and people freaked out) Rob tells her any win is a win.  

Meanwhile Adam is running around being everyone's bitch.  Hey, do you want water?  It was so bad I yelled at the TV "hey Adam, make me a sammich".  Jeremy says it reminds him of one of his kids who did something wrong and is hoping to not get in trouble.  He says they'll keep him as long as he behaves.  

Rob says that being at the mercy of everyone is hard.  He wonders what Adam's agenda is and Adam is basically talking to people to find someone to say something or make a mistake that he can use against them.  Rob says he's not doing it.  Parv asks if they should just "bury him" and Rob agrees.  He says "I could just go to Jeremy and say Adam is already trying to start shit.  He tells Jeremy that Adam keeps trying to talk to me and tell me smack and Jeremy is all " I can't keep babysitting this guy, he has to go".  

Sarah says for these die hard Survivor attention whores, this game is their playground.  She says a lot of people don't like Tyson but she and him mesh.  Tyson says it's earily calm, and Wendell/Yul/Nick and Sophie are running under the radar.  He tells Sandra and Tony that those 4 are playing us against each other.  Sandra tells him she's interested in the theory but she says privately he's SHADY.  She still holds it against her that he came for her.  He has to go.  

Challenge:  4 members pull a boat with the other 3 inside, pull up to a tower. and the people inside the boat have to climb up and jump, grabbing buoys with keys on the way down.  The there's a puzzle, of course.  The red team gets their keys but the blue team is ridiculously bad at it.  I think poor weasel Adam had to climb up and jump about 10 times to get it.  Red is so far ahead Jeff starts his OMGAWD THIS IS SUCH AN EPIC BLOWOUT!  

Adam finally gets the key and they crawl back to the beach and hand the puzzle pieces to ROB and Michelle.  Jesus are you kidding me??  But miracle of miracles Blue comes from behind and wins immunity.  

Tyson is bitter and says everyone is patting the puzzlers on the back and saying it's ok BUT IT'S NOT.  WAAAAAH.  Nick has to go!

Tyson tells Yul that Nick has to go and he says OK.  Sandra says OK too.  Everyone is on board so Tony asks, "is it really gonna be that easy??"

Wendell says all of their eyes are on Tyson because he is too well connected on the other tribe in case of the merge/swap.  Tony is like, OK.  Nick says Tyson has been gunning for me since day 1 and Yul tells him it's ok, he's good.   

Tyson tells Tony they have to stick together. Tony thinks it's a tricky situation because while he would rather get rid of Nick, he feels Tyson is a bigger dick that they can hide behind and use as a shield.  Once Tyson is gone, the spotlight could turn to Tony.  Tony talks to Sarah and Kim.  Sarah thinks they are being bamboozled, which is a work I TOTALLY have to start using more in my life.  She says it all hinges on what Sandra wants to do.  Tony and Sandra talk and Tony says it would be stupid to let Tyson go. Sandra says that although she has issues with Tyson and likes revenge, she likes $2 million more.  

Tribal

Tony says everyone has tight bonds but it's clearcut from a game level

Yul is asked about his prior strategy of constantly running the numbers.  He says he hasn't done as much math this time around and says that there are various groups that feel tighter and if you target someone in their group, they tend to bond tighter and he wants to avoid that with difficult votes.  

Sophie says something about a swap or a merge.  I dunno.

Nick says if they end up in a swap with him, he's going to stick with them.

Everyone agrees to the same

Sandra says some people have plans tonight but she'll do "whatever"

Tyson says Sandra is solid at that strategy

Yul says watching them play is different that meeting them and playing with them.  He's, for example, been surprised that Tony isn't a total asshole.  

Jeff asks Kim if there is idolatry of the multi-season players going on and I think she says yes.  LOL

Sophie says it's a real problem that some people are star struck and it's critical that they move past it

Tyson adds that some people also think voting their idol out is actually a resume plus

Sarah agrees that some people are excited to take out "the trophy"

Nick agrees and says that Parv was his Survivor crush.  He also says he feels responsible for the puzzle loss but was told a plan he hopes it correct.

Jeff asks who else was told a plan and everyone raises their hands. 

Vote.  Idol?  Nope

Nick 1

Kim 1

Tyson is off to Exile.  He says it was too easy and he should have seen it coming.    He gives his fire token to Nick.  

Survivor WAR: 2 and 3

Welcome back!  And, yes, week 3 and I'm already in the weeds.  Does it really surprise anyone that my life and house is insane sometimes?  I swear my husband and I have the Heineken virus, our dog went back for surgery yesterday, and some days it's all I can do to lay on the couch and eat talenti gelato for the cool jars.  

Week 2 Rob gets the fire token and knows that Amber is on Edge.  He tells Parv he got it and that it "kills him" that she's there.  Says that if Amber orchestrated it this is WAR.  Because it wasn't WAR before...

Ben is trying to play a more social game this time around which includes teaching Denise how to find idols.  She immediately finds the 2 halves become one idol.  They discuss using it to bring someone into their group.  Denise tells Adam who is happy but also pissed that Ben knows because Adam is not team Ben.  Denise suggests she could give it to Parv to make a friend with the cool kids and Adam is like ARE YOU FRIGGIN STUPID??  Adam convinces her to give it to him but he doesn't want to get stuck playing with Ben.  

Over on red, Yul is trying to find breadfruit.  He hands one to Kim who is all depressed because this season she's not on top the whole time.  She goes looking for an idol and WHAT A SURPRISE immediately also finds the 2 halves one.  Tony and Nick walk up and she has to hide it in her complete lack of clothing and pretends to be looking for firewood.  She ultimately tells Sophie for reasons Sophie doesn't even understand.  "She just told the devil".  

On edge they get a note about "something out there..."  Natalie understands it.  The note actually says where with the first letters of the lines but they don't see it and traipse all over the island.   Later Natalie goes to the well and finds it.  "Safety to Power" -she can sell the ability to leave tribal before the vote for a fire token.  She sends it to Jeremy who buys it.  

Tony decides to do "Projects" to stay out of trouble and builds a giant ladder to get fruit.  He makes everyone carry it out to the trees, set it up and then he climbs up for fruit.  Tyson asks if there was a ladder clause in their contracts.  Sophie says Tony is like a kid playing make believe without knowing it's not real.  He also points out that 'That's the guy who enforces the law at home...."

Sarah talks to Tony and they agree to be secret Cops R Us partners.  

Challenge

First look at Amber voted off.  Rob was that personal?  "It's rough but it's the game"

Race with a cart

get 3 keys

get 3 chests

disassemble and reassemble the cart

Dragon Puzzle

Wanna know?  Spice kit.  

Rob and Denise chose to do the puzzle and it's A DISASTER.  I don't think they get one piece while Red smokes them and wins immunity.  

Parv decides they are over run by newbies and one of them has to go.  

Rob says he second guessed himself and it wasn't his best day

Ethan-Dude you sucked.

Rob says he still feels secure and isn't worried.  Wants to know which newbie should go.  Jeremy or Ben?  He talks to Parv and Danni is watching everyone talk.  She thinks it's her.  

Danni tells Ethan and Ben that she wants to make her case. Ethan asks Ben what Rob says and basically gives away the old school alliance in front of Ben who is like WHOA, THERE IS AN OLD SCHOOL ALLIANCE. 

Ben, Ethan and Jeremy decide to push for Danni to prove there is no old school alliance.  

Danni tells Rob that she thinks Parv flipped on her so she'll go along with them taking out Parv.  Rob was willing to forgive her for the first mistake but "Parv is my girl".  Rob tells Ethan and Adam that the old school is turning against each other, and Adam is totally cool with going against "the godfather".  

Ethan says he heard Parv.  Rob is all what the hell??  Says Ben is running all over telling people to vote Parv.  Adam says it's Parv or Danni and the question is when to  take the risk against Rob.

Tribal

Adam has problems trying to put his torch in an area with no hole so Ben has to help him.  LOL.  

Rob says that this season is about relationships and it's more complex that EVER IN HISTORY

Ethan says it can be quite confusing to know if you are really in the relationship

Michelle says old or new is out the window and that she got hoodwinked last time

Parv says that the poor old people don't know the new stuff like idols and second chances

Danni says that although she is old school and agrees with the different type of play, she says that clearly loyalty doesn't work and people have been really quiet around her.

Parv says that initially Danni wanted Rob out but then they made up

Ben says there was really an old school alliance, says the old schoolers are making the new school paranoid.  When challenged by Parv he says "you 3 were running around all day"

Ethan says "but you guys have a new school alliance"

Rob whispers to Jeremy, and then to Parv

Ben is saying something about idols and showing people to find idols and Rob is all LETS ALL OPEN OUR BAGS AND SHOW IF WE HAVE AN IDOL.  Which personally I think it is dick move but a typical Rob move.  

Everyone shows their bags and Denise manages to hide the idol.  Adam asks why people should show their bags and Rob, the paragon of virtue, says he's just trying to find the truth.  

Vote:  Idol?  no

Danni is voted out.  She gives Denise her token.  

Is it me or is all the action on the Blue tribe?  Rob, Ethan and Parv betrayed Danni.  Adam now thinks it's time to target the big dogs.  Was Adam a dick last time he played? I don't remember him.  He wants to get rid of Parv again, and find a way to build a relationship with Ethan and Rob.  He tells his plan to Denise who says that they have the idol, and Danni gave her the fire token BUT Rob, Ethan and Parv are tight.  

Ben is adamant about not working with Rob.  Michelle agrees with him.  

Adam miscalculates again how telling the truth does not in fact get someone to be in an alliance with you.  He tells Ethan he has his back and they have to target Parv.  Tells him they need to pick and chose who they all go to the mat for.  Ethan is all, are you stupid??  Parv is his girl and plus he has no idea how to play this game so he's gonna hold on to her coattails for dear life.  

On Red, Sandra says she's retiring and this is her last go round.  She wants to prove her Survivor worth and decides to catch a fish using a volleyball net.  DID WE KNOW THEY HAD A VOLLEYBALL NET???  

Tyson knows he's a target and it's the first time he's been on the hit list ever.  He decides he needs to topple the queen for chops.  Or as they say, HIS RESUME.  He tells Yul and Sophie his plan but Yul isn't feeling the Tyson love and is hesitant.  

Sandra and the boys set up the net in an inlet and low and behold catch a little shark!  Tony helps out by picking up the shark, only to realize he is TERRIFIED of sharks.  LOL!  He knows he can't drop it and lost it but he's running around like a crazy man before they help him lay it down.  Yul likes that Sandra caught a fish and wants to keep her around.  He tells her Tyson's plan and ignites her flame.  "Ain't no way he's coming after me and not paying the price!"  LOL, seriously Sandra needs her own reality show because I would love to see her in her "normal" life.  

On Edge there is no food, supposedly.  Danni goes fishing with the spear that they just happen to have and catches a tiny fish.  She's all thrilled with herself.  Natalie walks up with tree mail. They each get notes wrapped in string with shells that tells them to find a lock box and "you have all the numbers to proceed".  They all run into the jungle and find the lock box and try a variety of different combinations.  Amber goes back to the beach and finds some numbers written on the fake set crates and returns to try them.  Nope.  Natalie also goes back and sees the sets of shells on the strings and destroys the other strings before returning to the lockbox and opening it up.  It's the ability to sell a Steal a Vote.  

Tony is reliving the great shark escapade and the shark is getting bigger with each telling. Sandra finds the note from Natalie.  She has to sneak into the other camp and find the steal a vote in one of the torches.  It's risky and it costs a fire token but she decides to go for it- and she needs Tony as backup.  They hilariously try to cover her face with ashes and then Sarah is taken to the other beach in a boat.  Ethan is up stoking the fire, and then he goes back to sleep. She crawls over to the torches but has to stand up to reach inside them.  She's making a bit of noise but she of course finds the steal a vote paper and safely gets out of there.  It all seems pretty staged to me IMO.  

Challenge:

Ramped walls

Sand pit

Ladder 

Rope

Wall

Tree Puzzle

Rob decides to go with another losing go at the puzzle and Red wins immunity.  It's like he should have been listening to his advice on Island of the Idols.  

Blue all get back to camp and it's all quiet as everyone just stands and sits around waiting for a chance to get up and go chat in groups.  It's a standoff.  Finally Jeremy walks off and Ben follows him.  Jeremy, Ben and Denise decide Parv is dangerous.  

Adam approaches Rob and asks him if he is open to any possibilities.  He tells him they are planning to take out Parv, and he assures Rob that ultimately she is going to come after him.  Rob asks if they have the numbers to take out Parv.  Adam knows going after the godfather is risky but again thinks telling people the truth is a good strategy.  

Rob is like, is he nuts??  "I don't play that way".  Rob approaches Michelle and Jeremy and says he knows the plan.  They tell him that's not really the plan.  Rob thinks they should blindside Adam.   Rob tells Parv.  She says he broke the cardinal rule and she's ready to devour him.  

Michelle is pissed that Rob knew the plan.  She tells Denise that Adam told Rob everything.  Ben is pissed as well and says that Adam is playing every angle.  

Tribal

Ben says they all know changes are needed to stop the losing.

Jeremy says someone has to step up

Ethan says that certain people are working together but they need to work for yourself.

Adam says people all have someone close to themselves so when you come at someone it isn't that simple

Michelle says something weird about how it's like dating and you end up with the person who makes you feel giddy.

Rob says it's a gut decision and you have to trust someone and hope people do the right thing. 

Parv says she's a big target and she doesn't have a lot of options

Adam says Yes, if you've played several times or there's a giant statue of your head somewhere people look at you as a threat

Rob says that by  saying that he's playing the game.

Adam says no one needs reminding how often Rob or Parv have played the game

Rob says, and again, that's what you're doing

Adam-it's not like people don't know we're playing the game, AND you do have a statue.

Ben says the whole alliance thing is new for him and people are constantly jumping up and jumping in other bunkers.  He's happy in the bunker he's in.

Denise says everyone is jumping in everyone else's bunker

Ethan says "I don't know what the hell the bunker thing is!  I just need to get through tonight"

Jeff asks him it this means he's not thinking ahead and he says he can't or he won't be in the game.  

Time to vote!  Idols??

Parv gets one, Adam gets 3 and Ethan is voted off,  No idea where that come from!  Ethan gives his fire token to Adam.  

Season 40 WAR Episode 1 and 2

Welcome to Season 40 of Survivor!  Let's all start with a glass of champagne, thank you to the agents who demanded it in this season's  bloated with goodies contracts!  The water well will be full of champagne, the rewards will include 2000 thread sheets, Fijian girls to walk on their backs and more food than you can find at a Golden Corral buffet!  Aint no one gonna starve on this season!  

And, why pray tell did Boston Rob spend all of that time building his mansion on the island that is now being used for Edge of Extinction?  Because Jeff, Rob, Amber,Sandra and probably half of the cast met at Rob and Amber's tacky Survivor millions home and plotted that Amber would be one of the first sent to the edge to keep track of everyone over there.  

Oh hell yes I am gonna RANT on this season where EVERYONE basically knows each other.  Shit, Sandra is probably one of those blond girls freaking GODMOTHER.  Yes, they play poker together.  They spend about 30 weekends a year at various "Survivor Con" events in shitty Marriots all across the country. Half of them have no doubt slept with the other half (LOOKING AT YOU PARVATI)  And you expect us to believe FOR A FRIGGIN SECOND that the entire season hasn't been discussed and deals made?  Give me a freakin break.  

Ok.  That had to get out of my system before I begin the update.  

Season 40 starts with everyone arriving at a little sand bar and acting all surprised at who is there.  Sandra is shocked, SHOCKED that she just spent 39 days on an island with Rob and he never mentioned signing up for this season.  They get their buffs, and their champagne and we listen to some of the old timers talk about how different their seasons were to what Survivor has become.  Amber says it's gonna be a nice vacation-almost giving up the deal that she's gonna go lay on the beach on Edge in a few days and get waited on by some hot Fiji man in a loincloth.  

Blue team is: Jeremy, Rob, Natalie, Ethan, Parvati, Ben, Michelle, Danny, Denise and Adam.  

Red is: Amber, Tony, Wendell, Tyson, Kim, Sophie, Nick, Yul, Sandra and Sarah.  

I have to confess that although I have watched every episode, for the life of me I do not remember half of these people actually winning.  Most it appears won on their second appearance I think.  

New this season is "fire currency" which is some token you can use to buy lap dances and then will to someone on your way out.  Edge of Extinction is again in play and the season is worth $2 million.  

Immediately after getting their champagne (which was laughable as Jeff opened 1 bottle and magically got 21 glasses out of it) is the first challenge in the water while their luggage is being taken to their beaches by underage Fijian kids.  Challenge is one of those get physical ones with pairs battling it out to hold onto a ring and touch a pole.  It's for immunity, fire and rice.  Losers go to tribal the next day and no rice.  Just lobster and butter.  

Red wins immunity.  Interestingly Rob has been very quiet so far.  Tribal isn't for another day so it's "time to make things happen".  WHYYYYYYYYY wouldn't you just flat out kick his ASS off first???  

Everyone gets maps and they "walk" to their beaches where they get red or blue swag bags with all kinds of goodies, toilet paper, purell, condoms, OFF and keys to the executive bathrooms.  

Sarah bonds with Amber over their kids.  Amber says she got the kids calendars to keep track of the days.  Tyson (who I only have a vague memory of) walks by and says that he made his kids freaking DAISY CHAINS to count the days.  He tearfully talks about how winning the million dollars allowed him to become a stay at home day.  Wendell welcomes Sandra as "da queen" and she tells him to not call her that!  She tells him that she took Tony out, and Sarah took her out so everyone wants a piece of her.  Which makes sense because you would have to be COMPLETELY STUPID to not vote her ass off first opportunity.  

Rob says that no one knows he was on Season 39 as royalty with a giant paper mache idol of him.  Parvati endlessly talks about her 10 month old kid and how strange it is to now be connecting with people over their children and now just her vagina.  Says she isn't a flirt anymore and is now working the "mom" card.  

Ethan talks about being a leukemia survivor and how fear of relapse is not way to live.  Ain't gonna mock that for sure! He won in 2004 back when there were no idols, no immunity and no return.  He also dated or married another winner but they don't touch that hot potato.  He literally seems like he is out of his element most of the episode, saying how fast Survivor goes this time.  

Old Denise and Adam bond.  She mentions she was on a tribe that lost every challenge and went to every tribal.  They stay out talking and bonding too long and everyone is all WHERE IS DENISE AND ADAM???  

On red, Tony is JONESING to go out and build a spy hole or find an idol but knows everyone is watching him.  He stays in camp until "their guards come down".  Amber is out looking for an idol and talking about how hard it is to root against Rob.  

Yul approaches Sophie and tells her he wants to work with her.  She's all surprised.  Yul is another one from a long ago era of Survivor.  He says he's never done the Marriott junkets and isn't part of the Survivor community.  Didn't even get the script for the season emailed to him from Rob and Amber Inc.  He mentions the Poker alliance and how Jeremy, Kim, Rob and Tyson all were in a celebrity poker game and discussed playing together and forming an alliance.  Sophie talks about the Cool Kids alliance (Amber, Kim and Tyson) and the gritty alliance (Tony, Sandra and Sarah) and then all the middle people.

Parvati asks Rob if he wants to work together since they know the game best.  And have done more Celebrity events together.  Danni says this is a great opportunity to get Rob out first.  Ben mentions it to Rob and Jeremy and Rob INTERROGATES him to get the info of who said it.  Ben admits that Rob worked him hard (for 5 seconds) and he was star struck so he tells him it was one of the girls.  Rob tells him he can't trust him so Ben yells IT WAS DANNI!!  Rob confronts her and she admits it saying she threw a lot of people out.  Says she has no connections and is looking for an alliance.  He respects that she told the truth (and probably that she's the only one smart enough to realize he should go first) so he wants to work with her.  They form the Ethan, Parv, Danni and Rob old school alliance to teach the youngsters.  

On blue everyone is paranoid.  Jeremy and Natalie were on a season together and have a bond.  Natalie thinks Adam should go.  Ben tells Adam he and Denise have targets on their back because they left camp.  Adam points out that the Natalie/Jeremy alliance is more risky.  Adam tells Denise about it.  He them asks Ethan if they are on the list.  Ethan tells Rob and Parv that Adam said Natalie and  Jeremy are bigger threats and Rob agrees.  Ethan. Parv and Rob declare their undying love and promise to be final 3.  

Right before tribal is a Facebook commercial.  Has anyone ever seen a FB commercial on TV??  

Jeff repeats his mantra of fire being your life and then they all sit down in the plastic tribal set to chat.  

Ethan says THE PACE IS SHOCKING

Rob says that yes the game has evolved and people need to get in line of get out.  He mentions that people were gone from camp right away.

Jeremy says he doesn't know who that was...

Denise says that she and Adam were the dummies that left camp-not starting out on the right foot.  

Adam says they just met and got lost but also THEY AREN'T THE WORST RELATIONSHIP.

Natalie says any reason to vote people off works for her and they left camp.

Parv says nobody should be feeling comfortable and too many do

Ben says his heart is racing

Michelle says she is totally calm in her real life but out here every work can get twisted

Ethan says he thinks there are multiple plans going on....

Jeremy asks Ben if he thinks Rob and Parv have got something going on and Ben says he thinks so...

Vote:  Natalie is the first voted off.  Jeremy asks Ben who set it up and he tells him "we'll talk".

Natalie gets to the decision point on the way to Extinction and is given the opp to give her token to someone.  She gives it to Jeremy.

AAAAAND I gotta do another hour of this??  I hate 2 hour weeks!!!

Day 3 arrives. 

Yul is talking to Sarah and Sandra.  Sandra is ranting that Rob lied to her for 39 days and Amber makes her mad.  Yul suggests they break up the poker thing.  

Nick, Wendell. Sophie and Yul are first time players/winners and don't have the all star connections.  Yul wants to leverage their non-connections.  Wendell is all in.  "Locked and loaded".

On Blue Michelle is mad that she was left out of the last vote.  She and Ben talk about Rob and Parv running the show and "we need to stop it".  Jeremy gets his token from Natalie.

On Edge, Natalie finds a box and a bottle.  The box has a price list for tokens and she is wondering how she finds the tokens.  She opens the bottle and their is a clue for her to journey to the last place on the island to see the sunset.  She climbs to the top of the island and finds an immunity idol she can sell to somebody still in the game for 1 token.  

Challenge:  Paddle, tiles, obstacles, ring toss.  Red is initially way ahead but blue kicks the ring toss ass and wins immunity sending Red to tribal. 

Yul asks "shouldn't we discuss it and be civilized about it".  CLUELESS.  

Amber and Tyson talk.  What about Nick or Tony?  Amber throws out Sandra.  

Sandra gets the offer to buy an idol (she accepts) and says she is gonna sell truth and lies.  She runs up to Tony and tells him "Tyson says you".  Tony says that now they are all going for Tyson.

Yul mentions the poker alliance to Tyson.  He's freaked out it's him.  Now he wants Amber or Kim and an alliance with Yul.  Nobody will talk to Kim and she is getting paranoid.  She acknowledges that the poker alliance has come back to bite them in the ass.  

Tribal

Amber says that she won 20 and 16 years ago and the game is much quicker

Tyson says the older players are more observers while the newer ones just immediately act.  

Tony says he actually started slow this time

Amber says he was actually running around to everyone

Sandra says that Amber can't keep up with the pace

Sophie says there was a lot of activity but then the talking dropped off later in the day

Sandra says there was panic, then lots of names being thrown out, and then a small group of names...

Kim says she is one of the small group of names because of the poker alliance.  She also points out that there are other alliances on the season that are deeper (cough cough AMBER)

Wendell says that a lot of outside the show interactions are at play

Amber says for $2 million people will do anything

Sandra, who would kill anyone for $20 says that $2 million will make people do things!

Vote. Any idols? Nope

Amber is voted to Extinction.  On the way out she gives Rob her token.  

Survivor Update and Some Social Commentary

Weeeeellllll, that escalated quickly......

I said to my husband when they went to commercial after the vote but before it was read that that had NEVER happened before in all of the seasons.  I guess they wanted people to not turn off after the vote and stay on until the dramatic, and frankly entirely predictable, conclusion of the episode.  

But let me deal with the entire episode before we dish about that.  So the week before ended with another insane tribal council.  As a reminder, Dean told Tommy he was getting voted out right as Tribal started and Noura went ape shit and blew up their plans.  

So the evening return to camp went also crazy.  Tommy is now in love with Dean who "saved him" and out of love with Noura who is not trustworthy.  Dude.  It's been 37 days of her being a nutjob and NOW you think she's a liar??  SHE'S EFFING NUTS.  I just checked and she is listed as an "entrepreneur" which in this case no doubt means "unable to hold a real job".  Noura thanks the crowd for keeping her, saying she was never going to write down Tommy.  

Noura is still in her manic phase and says Dean messed up so bad.  So she steals his shoes and "hides" them up on the tribe sign too high up for short him to reach.  "Dean, you are on the way out whether or not you realize it".  

Dean and Elaine go looking for an idol.  Janet and Tommy also go looking.  Janet finds it and she and Tommy stand and read it and look at it long enough for Dean and Elaine to stand and watch them.  

Everyone is discussing Noura being crazy.  But Elaine still knows she's public enemy #1 so she "has to make moves".  She talks to Lauren about her alliance with Tommy, and how she has now been replaced in his eyes with  Dean.  She points out that no one wants to sit next to her at the end.  Lauren says Elaine is making her think about Tommy and Dean.  

Lauren confronts Tommy and tells him she thinks they want her out and that they want a 3 man final with Dean, Tommy and Dan.  Tommy tells her she's acting like a jealous girlfriend.  Tommy then runs to the 2 boys and they laugh about their final 3 plans while Tommy says he needs to get rid of Lauren.  Says "it's fun to lie".  Dan isn't sold on Dean yet.  

The boat arrives and they need to pick a name to go to Isle of the Idols.  Dean gets picked, unfortunately, which means we get more screen time with him.  

BR has enjoyed his time on Survivor, and is out swimming and catching fish.  It's really cute how they pretend they are roughing it. He catches a fish and he and Sandra eat it.  It says a lot that this season these are my favorite "players", and I take back everything I ever said about not wanting them there.  I wonder if they will make an appearance at the final tribal council and give their thoughts?  

Anywhoo, Dean sees his "childhood idols", which is gotta burn BR.  Sandra asks him how the game is going and he says he feels good.  He tells him he backed out of the blindside and he's in good shape because he has the legacy from them.  Sandra keeps a straight face and Dean asks if she can confirm the idol is real.  She says she cannot confirm.  He tells them he made a fake legacy idol, of the fake legacy idol and Sandra calls him brilliant.  Hmmmmm.  He tells him his big plan is to get them all to vote for him, pull out the legacy and make a big move of deciding who goes home.  BR gently tells him it's never a good idea to put votes on yourself.....

BR tells him he's there for a lesson about jury management.  He asks Dean if he is going to be able to tell a good story to the jury.  Tells him "how you get there gives you votes".  You need a story that says you are the best player.  He offers him this test- a wager for a choice of 3 different advantages.  It's basically a coin flip to get an advantage or lose  vote and if he wins he could have a big bragging story.  Dean says he's going to do it and he goes for the idol nullification.  BR flips the coin and of course he wins.  

Dean returns and tells them that it was all just a coin flip, which he did but lost his vote.  He them tells the boys club he really won.  Perhaps at the finale when Jeff goes all "Survivor is a mirror on society" he could include the part where white men all stick together and lie and chat against women and minorities in real life too.  They also apparently cover for each other when they grab and harass women, but we're not there yet.....

Immunity Challenge:  They have to spin to unwind themselves, then do a dizzy balance beam and then a giant word puzzle.  Elaine is all 'OH NOOOOOO, WORD PUZZLE!!!"  Elaine is about 5 seconds from getting it but Dean wins immunity.  

After they return, Dean and Dan go off to look for some female producers to harass.  Lauren, Noura, Tommy and Janet discuss putting all of their votes on Elaine.  Later, Tommy says Noura is plan B but she doesn't know it.  

Lauren thinks Dan and Tommy might decide to get rid of her.  She talks to Elaine about getting rid of Noura.  Elaine says she'll do whatever to stay in.  Lauren is thinking about it because she "needs a resume".  Lauren talks to Janet about it.  Janet wonders who is more dangerous, Noura or Elaine??

Tribal-BR and Sandra see that Dean won immunity.  They laugh because once more he sits down at tribal and starts doing stretches.  

Elaine says she was pissed to lose immunity because she almost had it.  

Tommy says 7 players is ideal because you only need 4 to change things.

Dan says that it's still dangerous, that their "foundation had an earthquake last time and now they are all stronger".

Elaine says she has been a target since Day 1.  She asks why not keep her to the end?  Points out that her vote is for Noura, and that if she goes to the end then it's choice between Noura or Janet.  

Janet and Lauren are talking

Elaine points out that 'if you're voting me out because I'm a threat, then you are basically stepping up to be the next threat.  

Janet says it's a lot to think about.  Lauren agrees.

Elaine says she's a glass half empty and that she's had a lot of rough times, mentions her mom dying 3 months ago she didn't have time to heal.  Janet hugs her.  Elaine says she's been fighting for 35 days and she's still fighting.

Janet tells her that there have been times in her life when she couldn't understand the tragedy.  She addresses Elaine and tells her that she ultimately will find her way.  

Elaine says that makes her not want to leave.  Says as long as she's there dreams are still alive.  

AND THEN THE COMMERCIAL BEFORE THEY VOTE....

Any idols?  Nope.  And Elaine is voted out.  Everyone is sad.

And then Jeff comes walking up the beach and drops the bombshell that Dan had "another episode off camera with a non contestant" and he won't be coming back.  Whaaaaattt??  Which is a total surprise but, actually, not a surprise at all because men who get away with shit like that once are empowered to try more next time.  

Questions I have that I hope will be answered:

1) why wasn't Kellee's report enough, even if the other 2 bitches recounted their reports?

2) why did it take a crew member complaining for him to get bounced?

3) was the event BEFORE or after the tribal vote and shouldn't Elaine be brought back in?

4) how much is Dan suing CBS for?  Because you KNOW the Harvey Weinstein's of the world always sue.  Even when they are 100% friggin guilty.  

Rumor is the finale is being taped, not live, this year for security and safety reasons.   I'm going with "because of the lawsuit Dan has filed about the show we have to edit anything said negatively about him".   You know what Jeff?  I'd rather this entertainment show WASN'T a mirror of the worst of our society.  

Good luck to those of you still left!  I have no favorite in this group.  Janet probably would have been had she not cozied up to Dan and forgiven him.  Should be an interesting final night although I will bet any discussion of this incident is 100% edited out.  

Survivor: Whole Lotta Drama for Nothing!

Good Morning to you Survivor people still reading these updates!  We are down to the penultimate episode tonight I am guessing, and seriously someone should come running in with a chainsaw and just start getting people off the island.  Maybe Sandra?  

Let me first up say that I was WRONG about Sandra and Boston Rob because they have been the fresh air in this stale show.  Just like the two old dudes in the balcony at the muppets, they provide the humorous moments needed.  I say they should always get the catbird seat!!

Day 31 and BANG it's loved ones.  Who we got??

Lauren's husband, who is white (not that there's anything wrong with that)  and was it me?  Much younger than her? 

Tommy's girlfriend Nicole who doesn't know she's getting a ring in a few weeks.  Seems nice.

Krishma's husband, who we have heard much about and she seemed happy to see him.  She tells Jeff that it's the loneliness that can break you out there.

Noura's sister Lana (or as I call her, the pretty one) who calls her sister's insanity "Noura-mal".  Her handicap is visual unlike her sister, whose handicap is MENTAL.  

Janet's husband John comes in in a pink shirt as a sign that their new grandbaby is gonna be a girl.

Dean's mom Laurie

Dan's 13 year old son, Ryan.  And GOD KNOWS what that child is being taught about women..... I hear Harvey Weinstein also had children...

Elaine's girlfriend Tanya who has 2 children.  

The challenge is an old one, two survivors are tethered together and have to run out of the water, dig under a sandbar, somewhere along the line until sandbags and then land one on a table.  Jeff nicely brings Noura's sister down to the water so she can see what's happening.  

Teams:

Dan and Noura (screwed)

Lauren and Karishma (totally screwed)

Tommy and Janet

Dean and Elaine

Janet and Tommy win.  They get to pick 2 people and  chose Dan and Lauren.  Enraging everyone else.  

Karishma says it was a moment of clarity that they are the bottom.  Says they are gonna join together and put a wrecking ball on someone's game.  

At reward, which is food of course.  They've stopped doing good works like handing soccer balls out to poor tribal kids.  Janet says it is like as shot of energy and Tommy says his job is to get it done now.  

Shall we talk strategy?  Elaine?  Lauren says those 4 at home aren't with them.  Noura is "there, bitch" and Dean says that Elaine came back games blazing.  

Back on the island they bitch.  and Bitch.  Noura goes a bit wild complaining. Karishma gets all excited they might mean to include her.  Elaine tells her she might be getting a little sidetracked in her insanity.  

Dean says it scares him that Lauren has Tommy wrapped around her finger.  He says they are split 4-4, so they need another person or the idol.  

Everyone goes looking.  Karishma tells them it's blue so they're all looking for blue and Noura says she is using her 'reticular activating system".  Elaine finds the idol.  I personally was jumping for joy.  Noura says she always comes through! The game is gonna change today!

Immunity Challenge

Stand on a block on one foot and stabilize a ball over your head.  It comes down to Karishma, Dan, Elaine and Lauren and Lauren wins immunity.  

Janet suggests they split the vote Karishma 4, Elaine 3.  Janet tells Noura.  Noura tells Elaine and Karishma.  They decide all will go on Tommy.  Elaine points out Noura is a fruit loop and she goes into an endless spin trying to do the math that comes up with 4.  She says maybe they should do a 3-1 split in case Tommy has an idol.  Everyone tries to tell her 1 doesn't get anyone anything.  Dean tries to straighten her out and gives up.  

Lauren points out to Dan that Dean and Noura are missing.  Tommy says that Noura is the wild (and crazy) card.   ALL IT TAKES IS ONE MISTAKE.

Tribal

Janet says  the loved one moment was awesome

Behind her Dean tells Tommy he's getting 3 votes and everyone scrambles and talks to each other in groups.  I wish they would put an end to this bullshit.  Noura tells Tommy she needs to talk to him.  She them decides to blow it all up and says "Dean, I can't trust you.  You, Elaine and Karishma are all on the bottom".  I'll NEVER join you.

Elaine points out they were coming after her and splitting the vote.

Noura says she was gonna tell her...

Lauren asks her if she is considering the plan and she says she was.

Karishma says Noura was with them in the plan

Tommy says to Lauren that "she's a friggin liar and it all now makes sense"

Boston Rob correctly points out that Noura is crazy

Everyone sits down.  Noura says she didn't instigate it all, DEAN did.  

Tommy tells Jeff it's "Teaching Time with Tommy"

Vote.  Any idols?  Elaine plays hers.  

Noura gets 3 and Karishma gets 5.  And to quote Sandra, "All that to just vote out Karishma"?????

  

A Survivor Update!

Greetings and welcome back!  We have about 3 weeks left in this season and 8 people to get through to the SOLE SURVIVOR!  Who are you all thinking it will be? 

2 weeks ago we had a double whammy with the twin duo of meanness Aaron and Missy going home.  I’m surprised Missy didn’t cry discrimination as she made a big deal out of Jeff not commenting on the historic first of two African Americans with immunity idols in the same week.  Pretty sure it was one of the few times there has ever been two of any kind having immunity together this late in the game. 

So two weeks ago we had pitiful Karishma lamenting that she was a GOAT-and not the Patriots QB good kind of GOAT (that comment is for you Stacey!).  No, in Survivor land a GOAT is someone useless you bring along to the end so you can beat them.  Karishma is a GOAT.  But she was smart enough last week to get her ass out and find an idol!  FYI she is also a trial lawyer so don’t count her out if she is able to struggle through to the end. 

After finding the idol she stumbled back to camp in her and pretended to be lost and dehydrated, and Noura and Tommy who want her gone yesterday tried to get a medic called in to take her out.

So because we have way too many people at the end this season, we had a double elimination that week.  Teams actually split into 2 and had a challenge with 2 parts, each with a winner and each team to go to tribal.  The final 2 people left (it was the stand on a beam and roll a ball in a circle thingy challenge) went for PB&J for their team.  Noura won for her group but alas jumped off and forgot to go for PB&J.  Elaine won that and the right to go second for the two tribals. 

The losing tribe also went back to the old camp so they couldn’t discuss plans with the whole group.  Aaron hated being back there and was freaked to be without Missy and Eliz. The losing tribe was Dan, Dean, Lauren, Aaron, Noura and Janet.  

Noura realizes this is one of the few times they have a shot at th and wants him out. There’s some modest agreement but the testosterone twins, Dean and Dan, are afraid if they get rid of Aaron that moves them up to the top of the “threat” list.  Kinda like the naughty list but with muscles.  Dean wants Janet gone.  Dan, who had just patched the whole sexual harassment thing up and swept it under the mat, says he’s about 50/50 Janet or Aaron.

On the other side, eating PB&J are Missy, Tommy, Eliz, Elaine and Karishma.  Missy is all it’s time for Karishma….or is it?  She thinks she has time with her girl alliance (is that really a thing??) Missy wants to separate Lauren and Tommy because they are a pretty under the radar pairing.  Missy talks to Karishma-actually she talks AT her and tells her “everyone wants you but I want to go with Tommy” .  Karishma is feeling a bit flush with that idol in her bra strap and tells her “not just yet…I want to talk to everyone….”.  This enrages Missy and fuels Karishma who is tired of this 24 year old pushing her around.  This is the point in the movie where we are all supposed to cheer.  Missy keeps chasing her and trying to bully her and Karishma won’t listen. 

Karishma tells Elaine  that Missy is gunning for Tommy.  Elaine tells Tommy, or course.  Now Tommy is all in for Missy and now everyone wants Karishma’s vote. 

Missy tries to apologize to Karishma and tells her she’s only trying to get to the all girls alliance play time. 

Tribal 1:

First off I love Boston Rob and Sandra doing the commentary in the sky box like those old guys on Sesame Street.  BR points out that as soon as they sit down Dean is rolling his sleeves up to show off his “guns”. 

Dan says it was terrified to be split up but after people scrambled the target remains the same. 

Janet says she’s at the bottom so that comment is obv directed at her. 

Dean says that it’s concerning to not have his people with him. 

Aaron points out, in case anyone hadn’t noticed, that this is the first time he has been without an immunity idol in a while and it’s an opportunity to see if his alliances hold up.

Aaron also says that they are a group of people working together to accomplish what we want.  How true…

Noura says basically “and yet shit happens and I lost Jack…”

Janet says that she talked to everyone and hopes they see her way. 

Time to vote…

Janet gets one vote and Aaron gets all of the rest!  BR says “told you so!!”

Aaron goes straight over to the jury and the next tribal comes in.  Missy and Eliz are shockced!

Eliz says her heart is beating fast. Aaron was her #1 person.

Missy says that’s not how the jury should look. 

Elaine tells Jeff they all were sneaky splitting them up.

Eliz says there was chaos today but she is good with her plan.

Missy starts bagging on Karishma saying she was “bad today”

Karishma points out that Missy wouldn’t let it go and tried to escalate the argument

 Missy gets all huffy that Karishma called her a bully and says that’s not who she is.

Sandra points out that there clearly isn’t room for both of them.

Jeff asks if they are just too different to get along

Tommy says that they just both view things differently.

Eliz thought they bridged their gap but Missy tells Karishma that although everyone wants her gone because she lies, she would LOVE to work with her.

Vote:  Idols?  Nope

Tommy gets 2 votes and Missy gets enough to join her buddy Aaron on the jury!  On the way out Tommy tells her he knew she was coming after him, Elaine tells her “I did what I had to do” and takes credit for it all, Missy tells Elizabeth she has to kill Elaine, and tells Karishma “I was keeping you to the end”. 

Sandra sums it up: Everyone is keeping her to the end!

And now last week…..

The first tribe doesn’t know what happened at the second tribal.  Lauren is all nervous that everyone is gonna align against Tommy.  She can’t believe Missy is gone.  GET OUT!!!

Karishma is happy because her top 2 targets went home and she still has her idol.  Eliz is devastated that her whole alliance is gone.  Elaine tells her that now maybe she can build relationships on her own. 

Tommy is happy.  He, Lauren and Dean talk.  Dean wants Karishma-he’s wanted her gone for ever. He says “Here comes the GOAT army”.  Karishma is the #1 GOAT, and then Noura is the #1 GOAT and everyone else is a target.  C’mon, Lauren is totally also a GOAT, am I right??  Dean thinks the goats are gonna rise up and take down Tommy, him and Eliz.  Tommy subscribes to the Goat Army but also thinks Eliz has to go. 

In comes the IoI boat.  They have to send someone and and it has to be unanimous OR they need to draw names.  Karishma wants to go but before she can say anything Lauren volunteers.

Can we talk about what a bust IoI has been??  Why doesn’t anyone get curious that nobody seems to  come back with any info or idols??

BR and Sandra are sitting around with a chicken.  Sandra apparently isn’t a fan of the chicken who knows it and bites her finger so she will drop her papaya because they are still pretending BR and Sandra are still ruffing it and not cooking with gas on a premier Viking stove back behind the “snug”. 

Lauren is all OMGOOOOOOD!  They go to the snug and ask her how she is doing and she tells them although she isn’t an athlete she is good at the social game.  BR tells her she is there for a lesson in situational analysis.  He tells her she has an opportunity to win immunity by predicting who will win immunity next time.  He asks her if she can predict it.  She tells him that although she knows the tribe she has only a one in nine chance of getting it right.  He tells her what the challenge is-they have to stand on stations and hold a bar up to keep a ball from falling.  He also tells her it’s an eat of play challenge with a breakfast option, and apparently IHOP didn’t come through with the marketing money so no commercials today.   

He and she work through who all would chose to eat due to hunger or knowing they can’t win the challenge. That leaves her with Noura, who is a vegan and doesn’t eat food, or Eliz who feels threatened.  BR them offers her the choice to pick 2 people in exchange for winning immunity and she goes for it. 

Back at camp, Dean is playing with his fake legacy advantage that Jamal apparently left.  It’s good for when there are 9 or 7 people left.  For some reason he uses the Michaels idol faking craft table and makes a fake of the fake to use.  I totally don’t get this although he thinks the original one IS real. 

Lauren tells them that she learned what the next challenge is and that there is a chose to eat instead option.  She tells Tommy the truth and they work on everyone but Noura and Eliz to get them to chose the eat option. 

Immunity Challenge.  Jeff explains it and then uncovers breakfast and nobody reacts.  He’s all “wait did I lost my skills?”  Lauren tells him they may have had a tip there was going to be food.  Everyone BUT Eliz, Noura and Karishma chose to eat.  Karishma as expected drops first and is all upset. She tells Jeff that she promised herself that she would always try but her body keeps letting her down. 

Eliz drops and Noura wins immunity and tries to stand there holding the bar letting people eat longer but Jeff tells her it doesn’t work that way. 

Back at camp people start talking about it being Eliz.  Tommy and Dan are all in for her going.  Dan tells Elaine he’ll go with Eliz.  He’d rather Karishma but he’s not going to damage his game for it. 

Eliz tells Noura that she blew it.  Noura tells her to keep fighting. 

Karishma is dizzy again.  Noura grabs her bag and she and Eliz go through it looking for an idol.  They don’t find it because it’s still stuck in her bra. 

Dan tells her they are splitting the vote Eliz and Janet but the real plan is now Eliz and Karishma.

Karishma is sitting with Eliz and talking to her and Lauren is sitting nearby reading lips.  She tells Dan that she just heard Karishma tell her it’s Dan so Dan sidles up and says “did you just say MY name??”  Dan is now enraged and wants Karishma gone NOW.  Dean is all “that’s music to my ears”. 

Tribal

Jeff asks why people didn’t eat.

Eliz says she competed because she lost her alliance and knows she is on the chopping block. 

Karishma says she knows she is on the bottom and wanted to challenge herself.

Noura says she felt strong and wanted to step up so the team could eat that nasty shit.

Jeff says, so 6 people felt safe?  And Dan says YEP, he believes in his alliance.

Karishma points out it’s now an individual game and someone could slit your throat. 

Tommy says some people needed the pitstop to get to the end of the game.

Dean says he was in a peculiar situation because he has a legacy idol.

Lauren says it’s important to navigate through all of the relationships but everyone has their own priority list.

Tommy says it’s never easy getting 8 people to agree.

Elaine says you just have to pick a core group and roll with them.  “I’m gonna roll with them or roll the fuck home”

Time to vote.  Idols?

Dean plays the fake legacy idol and Jeff tells him it’s fake. 

Karishma plays her idol and everyone is all WHAAAAA???  BR and Sandra are all YESSSSS!

Lauren plays her idol.

Karishma gets 7 votes but is safe.  Janet and Eliz both get a vote so they revote just for those two and finally, Eliz goes home. 

Sandra: It’s all well and good until someone plays an idol! 

Survivor Update Catch Up!

Hello and welcome to the apparently OCCASIONAL Survivor update.  LOL!  In my defense it's been insane at my house- Wil had back surgery, I have 3 back to back pottery shows without enough inventory, AND my dog Phoebe had surgery, is in a cast and has to be kept quiet and away from her crying brother for 4-6 weeks!!  Jesus, why did I give up drinking???

Lemme quick catch up on the week we missed.  We are in new tribes still and doing the inevitable crap about who you will be loyal to- your former tribe or this new version of a tribe, and we're already plotting for that merge when people all get back together and test those new alliances.  

Noura thinks she's sitting pretty with a 5-2 situation BUT she doesn't trust Jack or Jamal from her original tribe -she wants one of them to go and she talks to Dean about it.  Dean is happy someone has approached him with a plan that isn't him going home but unfortunately it has to come from the complete nutter.  He thinks it'd be crazy for him to work with her.  

He tells Jamal about her plan to target him or Jack and Jamal reminds Dean that she's freaking insane, and suggests going with her might not be the best solution to his problems.  And now Jamal is worried about Noura and thinks she has to go.  

On the new Purple tribe Jack is getting his buff straightened out by Dan and Elaine says awww, it looks like he's getting ready for a date.  Tommy says "no way he has a date..."

Elaine says with a 4-4 split it's going to get serious.  Says they might have to stick together and go for rocks.  

Missy and Eliz don't want to go to rocks.  Aaron tells Jason he isn't going to rocks.  Tells him "I'd rather sacrifice one of my girls" than take the chance with rocks.  Tells him not Missy or Eliz but he'd be OK with Elaine going.  Jason says they're flipping at the drop of the hat-it's "all good in the hood".  

Reward challenge is for chickens and Purple wins.  Elaine sits out which means she has to go to Island of the Idols.  

On IoI Boston Rob is building a mansion in his down time.  Sandra is helping him and probably bitching about it.  He thinks he needs to build her her own wing because of her snoring.  

Elaine says she's just a 5'2" busted can of biscuits and at this point some alone time on IoI might be good!  And then she sees the statues and BR and Sandra and is all excited!  

Today's lesson is about having the courage to be daring.  He starts a bottle with sand in it and tells Elaine she has that amount of time to decide.  LET'S DO IT!!!  BR says "but you don't know what it is yet"  Being impulsive in Survivor is a double edged sword.  Elaine tells him that's the story of her life and she is on Survivor to win but also to have an adventure after losing her mom 3 months ago.  

Sandra says Elaine won her over!  At the Immunity challenge is a block a vote advantage and she has only one chance to grab it.  She tells him she's like a ninja.  He explains that if she can't grab it she loses her vote in the next challenge-which is huge given they are 4-4 split.  

On Orange Jamal is some African studies dude and he's showing people how to do a "wassalanka" rhythm dance.  Jacks loves it and thinks Jamal is great.  Later while cooking Jack suggests Jamal uses his "do rag" to grab the hot pot and it goes over like a fart in church.  Jamal says he never knows with white people when to let things go or to have the race conversation.  Jack walks away making it look worse but Jack is mortified with himself.  Later he tells Jamal that he's embarrassed by what he said. Jamal points out that the do rag is part of the image of a black man-and it's a negative image but it's so ingrained that it just flowed off Jack's tongue.  

Jamal tells Jack that white men have a long way to go to understand being a black male and being on the bottom.  Jack is really touched that Jamal took the time to explain how he felt to him and he sincerely apologizes. Jamal says that that apology will stay with him forever because it was so honest.

Ok, social lesson for today over.  Elaine returns to camp and Eliz asks her if she met anyone on IoI.  Elaine tells her about the advantage and how she has to grab it and Eliz says she'll cover for her.  Eliz says THIS IS HUGE and Elaine is all NO PRESSURE THOUGH.  

IC has the teams dig under a giant bamboo cage and them walk with the cage to several spots where they collect balls.  Then they throw the balls into nets on a giant wall.  Elaine is able to grab the advantage while people are untying knots.  Purple is way ahead but Orange pulls back up and Dean gets a redo on his bball skills and Orange wins immunity.  

Jason says Elaine is like one of the chickens about to be slaughtered.  He says they need to clue in Missy and Aaron so they don't get spooked.  Meanwhile Elaine runs up to Aaron and tells him her "good news".  He tells her he's in but...  They tell Missy and she's more into it.  "OK, now we run the game".  Aaron keeps pretending he's going along but thinks this is his chance to get rid of Elaine and aligning with the other side.  

Tommy says it's Elaine.  Someone asks is she might have an idol and snarky Lauren says "she's not smart enough to have one.  Lauren also says that Missy and Eliz would have spilled the beans.  She flat out asks them and they tell her nope.  

Elaine thinks that while Dan is a sketchy bag checker and Tommy is a bit physical threat, Jason is smart AND strategic.  Aaron decides he's in charge of the game and must decide whether to switch alliances or stay in his original one.  

Tribal 

Elaine says it's an old fashion stand off.  Bring it!

Aaron says it just takes one person to flip,

Tommy points out that they have a lot of their original tribe left overall so they're not flipping.  Which is a stupid thing to say because you've just told them whoever flips will be on the bottom.  

Eliz points out that's the problem with eating their own because they'd be left with just trusting them.

Dan says if someone switches they'd become 7 strong and then play with the people we want instead of sticking with tribal alliances. 

Elaine says that it's easier to trust when you think your on top.  Gonna be hurt feelings tonight. 

Jeff says but nobody has leverage.  

People are all "we're willing to go to rocks" because they think Aaron and Missy are with them.

Elaine says she doesns't like rocks, explains her advantage and blocks Jason't vote.  

BR points out it doesn't mean she still isn't going if Missy AND Aaron vote against her.  

Jason says it's all out of his control now.  Everyone is up whispering and Lauren starts crying because I guess she figured she was gonna just cruise on her nastiness to the end.  

Lauren says it sucks that she might now go.

Dan says he'll be really disappointed and Tommy says it's awful and he'd replay it forever.  

Jason says it's all up to the Survivor Gods!

Vote- Jason tries to get Aaron to fist bump and he refuses. The original purple people are all freaking their arrogant selves out.  

Aaaand......Jason is voted out.  Jason tells them "hey, don't trust Aaron" on the way out.  BR points out that Tommy is really mad!

So now last week....y'all still reading??

Elaine returns to camp predicting they'll be all butthurt but now her side has the numbers.  Lauren is still crying and saying "I was lied to".  It's Survivor honey.  Missy tells her she's safe because she's a connection to the other girls.  Aaron predicts they'll come back begging for their lives.  

It's a rainy night on Orange.  Jamal can't get the fire started. Kelley goes over to give it a try and he starts mansplaining to her how to do it.  Hey men, DROP THE FRIGGIN MANSPLAINING OK??  Jesus how many times to women have to tell ya. Kelley walks away disgusted, and Jamal is all "was I out of line??"  Someone points out that he should have at least let her try.  She ultimately comes back and starts the fire.  

Noura points out that there seems to be less rice than usual this morning.  Asks if it was made with the same amount of water.  Jamal tells her there's less because she took a heaping serving.  Noura is all I AM SO OVER HIM!!  Noura is talking to the other women and is all AT WHAT POINT DO WE PLAY THE WOMAN CARD and start playing "our game".  Wise Janet says they are not doing the women power thing.  Says Dean is the next to go.  

A boat arrives and Janet has to go to IoI.  She's all surprisingly crying and saying she's scared.  She's upset because going to IoI puts a target on people's backs.  Then she sees BR and Sandra and says it answers all the questions why this season is called Island of the Idols.  Especially since no one every comes back with idols....

Janet says she was afraid to come because of the target thing but she feels confident that her tribe trusts her.  BR tells her she needs to think 2-3 moves ahead and today's lesson is on calculated risk. He tells her they are going to play a simple game and if she wins she gets a "safety without power" advantage to use before the last 7 players where she could walk out of tribal and be safe.  If she loses, she would lose her vote the next tribal.  

Janet is wondering if that would put a bigger target on her back?  She decides it's not worth it and says no.  BR tells her she really understood the lesson. Sandra points out to him that Janet was the first person to ever say no and that she's even  more convinced that the winner this season will be a female.  

She returns in the boat and they yell out "show us your idol" -to which she flashes her boobs.  Kelley is concerned what she's going to say because their stories need to be consistent.  Janet says it was a game of chance with a 50-50 odds and she decided not to play.  Kelley is happy that the IoI secret is still safe.  

On purple, Dan is way to "snuggly" on Eliz at night. Creeper.

Lauren, Dan and Tommy are now on the bottom.  She and Tommy decide to undertake a throw Dan under the bus strategy and go around bad mouthing him.  Missy sees right through it and says "those 2 are thick as thieves" .  She thinks they need to get rid of Tommy so Lauren has no lifeline and will join with them.  

Challenge- it's yet another basketball kind of challenge, throwing coconuts into giant hanging baskets to drop very heavy puzzle pieces.  And y'all know what to do with puzzle pieces.  

Purple again is in the lead and think they have it all the while Elaine is yeling 'THIS PIECE IS WRONG".  They ignore her and waste time getting Jeff to come over to tell them it's wrong.  Orange almost catches up but Purple wins immunity.  

Kelley says they suck at challenges and have to go back to tribal.  She has an expiring idol and doesn't really need to use it BUT it's burning hole in her pocket so of course she has to find a way to use it.  

Jamal says that Dean is the plan.  He's hard to read and smarmy.  Karishma asks Jamal what he thinks and is just thrilled that it's not her.  

Dean and Jack talk and decide it's Noura.  Jack is just playing Dean by agreeing though but Dean is all excited that Noura is going to get blindsided.  

Kelley is still obsessing about the idol and says the plan is Dean but she really likes Dean and has this vague connection to him through some girl he probably cheated on.  While she's having her one on one camera moment she decides she's had a moment of inspiration to give her idol to Dean if he'll write down the person she chooses.  Hmmm, should she go Jack or Jamal?  

She gets a shit load of air time deciding how to be all crafty in doing this in a way that people never figure out she had an idol and that she gave it to him.  She tells Dean everyone is voting for him BUT she has an idol and she wants to give it to him.  She's WAY OVER ANALYZING THIS.  I'll be setting off dominoes with this move".  

Tribal

Somehow it starts as a question as to who it should be between Noura, Jamal and Dean.  Noura gives some big speech that totally lost me so I can't help you all there. LOL.  It's like she doesn't even speak english.  At some point she insinuates it's Dean and Jack says that she can't keep a secret.  

Jamal brings up the possibility of a girls alliance and we go all cultural bullshit for about 5 minutes about how offensive that is while nobody every calls something a boys alliance, Kelley calls it SEXIST and Jamal is all "Jeff, ask them if there is a womens alliance".  

Noura says OF COURSE THERE IS AND IT SOUNDS COOL!!

Karishma finally opens her mouth to go on about how Survivor is a freaking "microcosm of America" and she brings in the me too movement, empowerment of women and god knows what else. She says she doesn't blame Jamal for being concerned that women would get together and RISE UP!

And they they all congratulate each other for the powerful topic and are all WOOHOOOO this episode is so WOKE!!!  I'm sure Jeff had an orgasm from it all.  

Janet says that the notion of a womens alliance is negative and it puts women down as just simplistic in wanting to work with someone just because they are female.  She says powerful women need men too and she says women needs to earn their position.  BR is all HEAR HEAR!!

Jamal keeps the bullshit going saying he's so proud of how passionate they are.  

Jack says dudes it's a friggin game and if I write your name down it doesn't mean that I don't friggin VALUE YOU AS A PERSON.  

And thankfully it's time to stop this nonsense and vote.  

Any one have an idol?  Dean suddenly has one and someone asks then why didn't he play it last time?  Kelley is all I don't know, huh?

Jamal next plays his idol for friggin NOURA.  Which blows my mind.  Sandra is all HOLY ______ THEY HAVE ALL KINDS OF IDOLS.  BR thinks that's a mistake...

Dean gets 5 votes and Jack gets 2 so Jack is voted off AND BECOMES THE FIRST MEMBER OF THE JURY.  WTF??  That doesn't happen until the merge.  

Sandra: DANG THEY GOT HIS ASS!!!