Hello people!!  I'm going to try to bang through this update because I have wrapping and buying and baking and cleaning to do still!!  Is it me or is this a VERY late finale??  Late or not this has been a spectacular season of Survivor game play!!  Particularly once Jeff shut the HELL up with the David and Goliath junk philosophy.

So we begin this episode after that amazing tribal where Christian played his idol and Gabby ended up on the jury.  Christian still got 5 votes and is now suspecting Nick's motives.  

Nick surmises that there is another idol in play.  While looking for it he decides to make a fake idol and hides it, hoping someone will find it and try to use it. But like a kid on Christmas, that idol was burning a whole in him and he decided, in front of Ang and Christian to pull it out and pretend to find it to give himself time to find the real one.  He thinks, HOW EASY WAS THAT!!  And now the search is over.  

Nick tells Kara about the idol.  Davie hears the story as well but doesn't believe it.  He must know Nick is a snake by now.  He wonders, "what if that was his old idol?" and decides to keep looking-tells Christian he is gonna need all the help he can get to take him out.  Christian isn't so sure about taking him out because, like everyone left, they need someone WORSE to hide behind.  

Reward challenge:  Untangle enough rope to get through an obstacle course and to the beanbag throw.  Of course you also need enough rope to pick up the missed bean bags but not everyone thinks of that in their initial zeal.  Wanna know?  A helicopter ride to a resort where they can order off the menu.  Including the Fijian bang bang with the happy ending, Jeff??  Davie wins reward.  Davie is also a dead ringer for Lavar Burton in his starring role as Kunta Kinte in Roots with his bandana on his neck and his stroooong black sweaty chest.  

Who so you want to join you in an afternoon in the big Massa's house Kunta?  I'll take Master Nick.  You get another pick but does anyone want to plead their case?  Angelina plays her Rice Card ONE MORE TIME.  He picks Kara.  Ang thinks Davie  just made a million dollar mistake.....  

Returning to camp Ang is STILL ANGRY she can't still be using that rice as a cudgel.  I mean, what's the point of using your YALE SKILLS on these low class people?  She decides to make herself a big old pot of revenge rice, which apparently is NOT best eaten cold.

On the reward Davie explains he wanted to keep his frenemies (Nick) close and his friends (Kara) closer.  I must have missed his bonding with Kara.  He decides while on the reward he will talk to Kara about getting rid of Nick.  She tells him that Nick might have 2 idols.  He needs to go.  Davie says they need to blindside him.  Whatever we do, DO NOT TELL NICK OR ANGELINA.  Kara sees this as a way to take "her game" to the next level.  

Kara talks to Alison.  Tells her that Davie wants to take out Nick without Angelina or Mike knowing.  Alison is like, OMG ANOTHER WEEK WHERE IT'S NOT ME!!

And then Alison runs right to Mike.  Says she's doing it to "prove her loyalty".  To a snake. OK.  

Mike says this will break the game wide open but he's torn because he is bonded with Nick. 

Davie still thinks there is a real idol out there.  So he looks and WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE finds a clue to an advantage.  "Chose your moment and return to the merge feast area.  He waits until it is raining and goes out.  It's an idol to be used only at the next tribal BUT.... There are 4 urns and he can prolong the life of the idol by picking the right urn.  However it will cost his next vote.  Davie stands there heavy in thought and asks God, who watches Survivor and waits until he's needed to throw the game.  He calls on God to give him a sign, maybe have the fire point to the right urn.  Instead God flips him off and the flames point away from them.  

Immunity Challenge

Cmoninguys!!!

It's a waiter challenge.  Stand on a perch and balance BALLS on a disk.  And it's all BALLS BALLS BALLS from here.  Now, I have actually been asked to NOT include any BALL jokes in this update (Jeff Sellman I am looking at you tying my hands on the best material of the season).  But before I get to the BALL jokes, I want to point out that Jeff was wearing little pedi socks in his shoes like a girl.   (Jeff Probst, not Sellman, although I don't ACTUALLY  know Jeff Sellman wasn't wearing pansy little girl pedi socks either).  And also before we get to the BALL jokes can I say how UNGODLY gross  those ugly high wasted leggings of Angelina's are??  I  mean, Jesus, there must be a swarm of dead fish loving insects just riding on her crotch at all times.  

BALLS BALLS BALLS.  Jeff is just making one double entendre after another!!  It's just a damn shame I promised JEFF SELLMAN that I wouldn't mention all of the BALL JOKES out there.  Sigh.  

After all of the descending, and dropping, on the move balls and hanging ball jokes we AREN'T going to talk about, it comes down to Mike vs Alison.  And has anyone noticed Alison routinely has bandaids on her feet??  WTF??  Is she shagging that Aussie medical dude off camera??  Since when do they get bandaids???  

Mike wins immunity.  

Back at camp Nick says that Alison is a big threat and he's worried about the David vs Goliath numbers.  Nick tells Ang and Kara that he wants Alison. Nick tells Mike it's Alison.  Mike  says there are 2 scenarios but he's feeling bold and wants Christian.  

Mike talks to Angelina about Christian.  Ang thinks Nick is a bigger threat.  Mike talks to Nick about Christian.  I am already crying about this.  

Nick says he is worried that Alison has an idol. He tells Davie that his second one is fake. Now Davie doesn't want Nick out, wants Alison to go.  But either way he is playing his idol.  

Mike decides to "lay out the cards" and tells Nick that Davie is gunning for him.  But instead of going for Davie they should go for Christian this time....

Tribal

Nick says they are all still going  mph but that MORE aggressive play is needed

Angelina says  her vote is more about who is left

Davie says his mind is in a frenzy with who to trust

For the first time I am convinced Jeff's astute and pointed questions are dubbed in later

Christian points out that everyone left has written his name down at some point

Ang says the game is now fluid

and Davie agrees that every tribal has different voting blocs

Mike says that everyone left really likes each other so you still want to work with people that you have voted for

Nick says this is high level of gameplay

Alison says that once you do survive you are an even bigger threat

Christian jokes that everyone can stop voting for him now because he is willing to work with anyone

Mike says this could be a million dollar vote and because he is safe he wants to make a big impact

Time to vote.....

Any idols??  Davie plays one.....for himself.  Alison is just sitting there taking her pulse.  Maybe we should stop tribal and have medical pull her?

Nick plans an idol.......for who??  He says it was a fake idol but he wanted to read people's faces. Angelina tells him he doesn't need to.....he decides to play the real one for himself.  

Davie gets 2 votes....Alison gets 2.....and GOD DAMMIT Christian is voted off.   Nick realizes he wasted his idol.  

  

So...tomorrow night!!!  Get all your shit done by 8 because I think it is going to be a BARN BURNER finale!!!  Good luck to everyone and in this  house I will be holding my nose and rooting for Mike.  

Survivor: Play that damn idol!!

Hello and welcome to another week of Survivor!  WHAT AN EPISODE!!  Finale is scheduled for next Wednesday so congrats to everyone still hanging in!  I don't think I have paid, so Nancy do you want to double check where we are?

So, last week we had a blindside that Nick was unaware of in advance.  He's totally pissed off at how DUMB the David's were to blow the numbers when they worked so hard to get back on top.  Nick tells Christian that Gabby just flipped and the Mason Dixon alliance is dead.  

Reward Challenge- and it's the big family day!  So we have:

Davie's mom Hazel who says he has always been an explorer

Alison's mom Willa

Kara's HUGE brother Eric

Nick;s dad Jim who is also huge

Gabby's mom Carnita who says Gabby is type A and calls her constantly to calm her down.  Well, move over Carnita because that role is now filled 24/7 by Christian

Angelina's mom Anna-who within the first 30 seconds gets to hear all about the fucking rice deal.  IS IT ME OR ARE THESE MOMS REALLY YOUNG??

Mike's gentleman friend Josh.  Mike says it gets harder when you see everyone has a network of people pulling for them

and...Christian's very shy girlfriend Emily.  She tells him he looks like a crazy man and he just keeps apologizing to her.  It's clear he really adores her and it's also clear Gabby is taking note of every second of their interaction.  

They no longer have the families actually participate in the challenges, which is a bummer, but instead the survivors are paired up and go through an obstacle course, dig up keys and have to throw and land 2 balls on a perch.  

Angelina and Nick win.  They get to pick 2 other couples and pick Davie and his mom, and Mike and Josh.  On the way out Christian tells Emily to enjoy the flight home and watch a lot of movies.  

The reward is food.  And maybe a boat ride.  I can't really remember but they are all together eating.  Nick tells his Dad that "this could be the final 4".  Angelina announces to the group that this is her preferred final 4, and Mike says they have to figure out how to make it happen.  Davie isn't so sure because they're basically all Goliath  and him, and he is starting to rethink this whole final 4 thing...

Back on the beach Christian is talking about Emily and how shy she is.  I think it's more of a clinical issue but yea, let's all just go with 'shy".  Meanwhile Gabby realizes that he was comforting Emily like he does her.....Hmmmmm.  

And then her eyes turn dark green, she rips out of her red plaid shirt and green pants and says to Alison, "I think we need to get rid of Christian".  She says she needs to show the jury that she can play her own game.  She doesn't want to be seen as Christian's side kick because she basically has been Christian's sidekick for 31 days.  Kara is like I'M ALL DOWN WITH THAT.  

BANG,  we are back to the immunity challenge.  Stand holding a pole in the palm of your hand that is attached to a bucket of water.  Given the last IC took 5 hours and Jeff had to listen to Christian explain quantum physics, they went into the challenge closet and found the fastest one they could.  Oh and to make it go even faster, every couple of minutes they had to move their feet.  (And DO NOT tell me those bugs biting everyone during the challenge weren't being thrown in by the camera crew).  

It comes down to Kara and Davie and Kara wins immunity and they unleash the kracken of tribal jockeying.  

Gabby says for the 1000th time, "it's time for me to make a BIG RESUME BUILDING move".  Gabby talks to Christian and he says they have to get Alison out.  Gabby thinks PERFECT we can blindside him!  And then of course Gabby goes away to cry about having to get rid of her best friend.  

Gabby tells Nick and Davie that Christian is the biggest threat and he's been getting all of the credit for the big moves.  Nick is like, "CHRISTIAN IS DEAD TO ME".  So now he's fine with further decimating the David numbers.  

Nick and Davie tell the plan to Mike and Ang, and they decide that if he uses his idol, Gabby is the back up.  Davie though isn't all on board with this because if Christian goes, who is going to be his shield?  

Davie tells Christian "you gotta be careful about Gabby, she is gunning for you".  Christian is STUNNED.  He asks if Nick is in with the plot and Davie tells him he is.  

Christian decides he has to repair things with Nick so he goes and apologizes to him, says he "made an error and I understand why you are angry".  Which is so refreshing from the usual "sorry if you got upset" bullshit apologies of today.  Nick says he doesn't trust him anymore but he'll manipulate him back.  Nick tells him, "As long as it's Alison, I'm cool with it".  Christians heads into tribal saying he has Nick back in his good graces but still isn't sure if he needs to play his idol tonight.  PLAY THE FUCKING IDOL!!!

Tribal, and clearly Carl has drank all the beer at Ponderosa and is still mad.

Angelina says some people were mad about the big move last week

Nick says that "just because someone makes a big move doesn't mean it is a good move

Christian says it effects them going forward or probably something much more intelligent that went over my head.

Nick says he and Christian rebuilt their relationship.  And then I'm sure he winks.

Gabby says she is now ALL CONFIDENT about her ability in the game

Alison says that she is now a bigger target.  

Angelina says not everyone has a target on their back just "someone who I don't see an ending with"

Nick says something about putting people on the jury that you don't want to go up against.  PLAY YOUR FUCKING IDOL CHRISTIAN

Mike waffles about it never being easy or safe and then moves might not be the right choice.  

Time to vote.

PLAY YOUR FUCKING IDOL CHRISTIAN

Anyone have an idol?

PLAY YOUR FUCKING IDOL CHRISTIAN

Christian, "hang on Jeff, I'm not sure yet".....he looks around

PLAY YOUR FUCKING IDOL CHRISTIAN'

"Ok, something is telling me to play it.

Gabby asks him how he got that big brain.

Christian gets 7 votes, DOES NOT COUNT.

Alison gets 1 and

GABBY GETS TO GO TO PONDEROSA and melt down alone with Carl. "Sorry Christian, I love you...." "See you soon!!"

Giant Survivor Recap

Good afternoon and welcome to this week's update, which will also include the night before Thanksgiving AMAZING TRIBAL.  Sorry there was no update last week, please forward your complaints on to Verizon, who left me without cable for 7 days!!  Thank GOD there are no sports fans in this house!!

So the week before last included one of the most amazing tribal councils ever.  Feeling this was their last chance to keep the game from become a Goliath romp, the David's pooled all of their ammunition.  First, Davie played his "steal a vote" and took Alison's vote (ignoring correctly her promises to join the Davids).  After the vote Dan, who was the target played his idol.  Upon opening the basket, Jeff revealed that the new MOST POWERFUL tool ever, the idol nullificator, had been played and Dan's idol no longer had any power.  Dan's face when he was voted out was priceless!!!

So now we have 10 people left with a 5-5 split and the first equal chance the David's have had in a long time.  Carl says they are "masterminds" that will make Survivor history, and their goal now is to bury the Goliaths.  

Ang is all WTF happened?  She believes she was stabbed in the back by her own alliance-says she can be much more vicious than she's been to date.  

It's early morning and the scrappy Davids are all up looking for a new replacement idol or advantage.  He and Davie decide to look at the other side of the beach where so far nothing has been found.  They of course find all the signs and the rock path the producers left leading them RIGHT TO A CLUE.  The clue tells them they have to be daring, sneaking out of camp and going to the farthest point to find the idol hopefully without being noticed missing.  

Reward Challenge:  2 teams, rope bridge and then basically throwing giant rolling pins on a giant ladder.  Wanna know??  A picnic with wraps, salads and alcohol.  Yay for alcohol!  Team 1 (purple): Ang, Nick, Carl, Kara and Davie.  Team 2 (orange): Alec, Alison, Gabby, Mike and Christian.  Alec is a crazy challenge winner and the orange team comes from behind to win.  

At the reward, Alec says he was the star.  He thinks that this is his opportunity to get back into Gabby and Christian's good graces.  He claims he wasn't part of Goliath the last vote and basically says he's putting on the waiter charm in order to get a big tip from G and C.  Alison also tries to suck up saying she is NOW totally committed to working with them.  Gabby thinks she has more options now on who to work with.  

On the reward, they get their letters from home and it's all determination and tears now.  Christian says he is now a force and needs to make hard decisions.  I'm so totally into Christian-he's such a strange dude but in a hot way.  Is it just me ladies??

On the beach Carl is frustrated, having never gotten a reward challenge.  No food is no food.  Carl tells the losers that Alec is a challenge beast and asks if anyone knows if he has an idol.  Kara is like, really??  In front of me he is asking over confidently about my alliance member??  

Returning to camp, both Alec and Alison barf up the excess food they stuffed down their gullets.  Nick just needs them to go to bed so he can get the idol.  

Later in the night Nick takes off and Davie tries to cover for him.  Alison is still up but is too busy throwing up the Chicken Caesar wrap made with that bad romaine we keep hearing about.  Nick walks into the light, literally, and finds the idol.  "People are going to find out that I'm strong soon".  

Immunity Challenge.   Although today would have been a good day for the disgusting food, instead it's a balance thing, the twist being you have to hold onto a handle behind your head.  Jeff: "if you feel secure you can opt out and feast on nachos and beer.  Ang, Carl and Nick opt out.  

Ang and Carl clink beer bottles and toast to the future and Alec losing.  

After 2 hours it's Christian, Gabby and Alec.  Alec is telling them he is going to win no matter what.  Gabby is upset because she thinks this is the only challenge she has a shot at winning but he gets into her head and she drops out.  So it comes down to Christian and Alec.  Alec keeps up telling Christian that no matter how long it takes, he's not going to win.  After 3 hours Christian asks Jeff if he can tell a story and then continues to talk science and god knows what all for about 2 more hours.  He's funny as hell saying when is he ever again going to get the chance to say, "Jeff, by the way...".  It's really brilliant because it keeps his mind occupied and drives Alec nuts.  Christian tells Alec that he's safe but Christian isn't.  He also tells Alec that he may never again get the chance to win immunity again.  Alec appears to get dizzy and drops leaving Christian to win immunity!!  Tribal isn't for a day and a half which is a long time for plans to go awry.  

Alec thinks that he lost mentally.  Says he couldn't handle it.  "People see me as too much of a threat".  

Carl wants Alec gone.  He's too much of a challenge beast.  Gabby, who is waaaaay too "sensitive" thinks Carl is being too controlling.  Calls him the godfather.  She is infuriated that he told Kara their desire to get rid of Alec.  

Christian and Gabby have yet another therapy session.  Gabby wants to know why Kara had to know about the last tribal when she didn't know.  She feels like her not knowing made her look stupid.  Christian tells her that she's being too emotional, tries to calm her down.  Christian thinks Carl and Gabby are on a collision course.  

Alec talks with Alison and they think Carl is blinded by power and driving things.  He tells Nick and Kara that they should get rid of Carl.  He tells Christian.  Christian was thinking of getting rid of Alec but he wonders if having Alec still around takes the target off him.  Says he needs people to perceive other threats around.   

Tribal:

And first can I point out that Elizabeth actually looked BETTER before she got cleaned up for the jury???

Christian says it was very vulnerable of him to say that he could win that challenge.  He also talks about always having the memory of having Jeff as a captive audience. 

Alec says he also felt vulnerable but he got dizzy

Jeff asks Nick about sitting out and eating and he says in fact other people were saying they should have eaten as well.  

Carl points out that it was so far his only chance for food

Kara digs him that he apparently felt comfortable enough to sit out.

Christian says it's a calculated decision to make

Angelina says something about it being part of her calculation to sit out.

Alison says that she doesn't buy ANYTHING Ang says anymore.

Ang calls her a hypocrit and says all of this is about more than her eating nachos, and points out that last week's vote said a lot.  

Alison says that there are no blurring of lines between Davids and Goliaths-says "we all know Alec is going"

Alec points out that he may be a threat but he also may be a shield for some people.  

Christian says something about every strength can also become a weakness

Carl doesn't think they were $1 million nachos.  'I feel I made the right decision based upon my connections'.  

Time to vote.  Any idols?  Nope, for a change! Carl gets 1 vote and Alec is the next member of the jury.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!

We are now at 5 Davids and 4 Goliaths.  Nick (famous last words) "we have all of the power now".  

Alison cries about Alec going and Christian comforts her.  She tells him "I always wanted to work with you".  She says that she is now the biggest threat, wants to know if she missed her opportunity to work with Christian and Gabby.  

Reward Challenge- 2 teams, swim to a ladder, climb way up and jump off.  Dive down and get buoys and then sink baskets.  Christian sits out.  Wanna know?  A speed boat cruise and a chicken dinner.  Orange: Kara picks Carl, Davie and Mike.  Purple: Alison picks Nick, Gabby and Alison.  Orange wins reward and Jeff's personal speedboat picks them  up for reward. Carl starts drinking beer almost immediately.  

Kara says it's a great time to reconnect with Carl and Davie.  Mike says it's a good time to suck to the new kings.  Carl keeps sucking the beer down and declares that Alison has to go next.  Kara is pissed off that he thinks she would go along with that.   Davie is also drunk.  He says something about now being an athlete and proving his "black heart".  Carl says there are people remaining that are shady.  Says Alison is shade but I LOVE YOU GUYS!!  Kara says she is just a pawn in his game, and she knows where his head is now (up his ass IMO).

Back at camp Gabby is on another whine.  Carl is perceived as calling all the shots-we need to remove him AND get the credit.  Gabby tells Alison she wants to blindside Carl.  

Meanwhile Carl is still drunk, telling Davie, Ang and Nick that it's Alison next.  Ang is his new best friend.  She says it's those 4 and Christian will go along.  They decide to now tell Gabby-says that Ang has now replaced Gabby.  

Mike says that Carl is the godfather and he is OK with the blindside.  Alison is just "hey it's not  me so I'm cool".  

Carl tells Christian but says they're not telling Gabby.  Christian says he loves to defer to someone half sloshed.  He decides that's the final datapoint that Carl has to go.  Christian tells Mike he's ready to flip on Carl.  Mike feels like it's all a win win for him-either the godfather goes or wonder woman goes.  

In the morning Christian tells Gabby "now I'm telling you the real plan, wink wink".  Gabby is glad she is making a move- "do people think I'm stupid"?  No, Gabby, they think you are an emotional nut job with the constant tears.

Ang and Alison talks about the rice being depleted.  Ang says it's her chance to use her mad negotiation skills from her YALE MBA class with Jeff.  Seriously, I shudder to imaging what kind of assholes there are in the Yale MBA program.   Mike is aggravated that she has basically done an inventory of everything they have and is ready to sell it all for a bag of rice.  

Challenge: Over an obstacle, then the spinny post which makes me sick watching it, then cross a balance beam, followed by a word puzzle. 

Ang: Jeff the tribe is wondering if you are open to negotiating for rice?  Jeff: what's your offer?  

Ang: all of the fishing gear, all of the cook stuff, 2 chairs, the hanging seat, sex with all of the women remaining, the men will wash your car every week for life.... for a bag of rice?

Jeff:  Or, someone could give up a shot at immunity and I'll send rice rationed every day

Ang: I'll do it!!  He was probably going to offer that deal anyway but Ang thinks she just got a big item for her resume.  CAN I SAY HOW EFFING SICK I AM OF THIS WHOLE RESUME SHIT???

I totally was guessing Carl and Davie would stagger hungover through the challenge but I underestimated their capacity for drinking.  They all end up at the work puzzle which has 11 letters from the 13 they have.  Carl gets "perceptions" but that's not the right word.  However it is close enough that both Davie and Alison realize what the answer it.  Davie wins immunity seconds before Alison gets it.  

Ang thinks the rice negotiation was the best case scenario.  "I was able to close the deal with Jeff AND we can now take Alison out.  Ang is all "oh, it's ok, you all don't have to thank me for the rice.  

Carl says, "no discussion.  It's Alison.  We are using Mike and Ang for the vote".

Alison tells Kara that she knows it's her.  She says her game depends on Christian, Gabby, Kara and Mike.  "We need to keep Mike with us".

Mike: "I'm a brilliant director and actor.  It's easier for my game if Alison goes but Carl is totally annoying".

Christian says "Mike is an actor but I have to trust him".  Gabby: "If Carl goes home I'll be vindicated.  But if he doesn't. I'll be exposed."

Tribal

Kara says although it appeared there was a shift last week with the unanimous vote, nothing is official until it's signed.

Alison says last week's vote was to prove alliance to the Davids

Ang says they are now giving each other permission to play hard without hurt feelings

Alison says it has been too calm at camp, which is discomforting

Carl says some arrogant shit like "if they want to come talk to me they can"

Gabby says conversations this week have been very deliberate.  You have to have confidence in your alliance

Mike says it's now not just as easy as picking off Goliaths

Ang says some bullshit about nervous energy and brings up her big rice deal ("nobody has ever done a deal this big in the history of this country"-where have I heard that recently??)

Davie says again that although there could be one plan there are 9 other personal plans going on

Vote...Idol? Nope

Alison 4....Carl 5 and there are a lot of very confused looks!!  

Jeff: "The lines have blurred".

And may we not have many more of these 2 hour episodes to cover!! Seriously is anyone still reading???

Survivor: What a Tribal!!

Hello and welcome to the recap of this week's outrageous episode!  I am really liking this season, as the people seem different in some way.  More 3 dimensional and mostly likable.  With the exception of Angelina that is.  Whoooboy what an obnoxious woman! I can only imagine that her co workers at whatever financial company she is consulting at are overjoyed at her taking a month off.  

We start off this week with her realizing that she got caught lying to everyone.  So she runs around lying some more. giving all kinds of new explanations for telling Elizabeth that she was going home.  People are like, OK.  Alec thinks she is a slimeball, Alison isn't buying it and even DAN says that if she's not willing to own what she did he can't trust her.  

Mike thinks Angelina is "defanged".  I doubt that.  Mike talks to Christian about their 6 strong alliance - "strike force" but questions why Gabby is acting like she;s not fully on board at tribal-especially the last one.  Mike is getting on my nerves a bit already.  He's a complainer and a second guesser.  

Davie and Nick to out looking for an idol.  They find a clue with the picture from the merge feast of a tree on a cliff in the wind.  They decide to look for such a tree.  They see the tree but everyone is lounging on the beach so Davie distracts them all while Nick finds the advantage-it's a steal a vote.  Davie tells Nick about Carl's vote nullifier advantage.  "Now we here, baby!!"

Reward Challenge:  I think this is the first of these?  They are divided into 2 teams standing under a trough of water, with sandbags tied to their wrists.  They have to hold the sandbags up although they can change them around between them.  Periodically one person gets to leave but the others have to carry the weight.  Wanna know?  12 pizzas for 6 people.  

Gabby picks: Christian, Alison, John, Alec and Nick for her team.  Mike picks Carl, Davie, Dan, Angelina and Kara.  Ultimately Dan drops his sandbags and Gabby's team wins reward.  Angelina blames Dan for the loss and says she "can't wait for it all to catch up with him".

The pizzas, breadsticks and soda arrive and the winners take their feast away from the rest of the group.  Mike is all "oh, I'm not here for the rewards I just want the million $$" bitter.  He is beginning to second guess the strike force, saying "if I go with the Goliaths I might get screwed by the Davids".  Mike talks to Alec-has decided that Christian is the riskiest.  Says he's the true player that could win.  Alec hears his point but Alec has something against staying with the Goliaths.  

Mike decides to stick with his original Goliath alliance and is lobbying for Christian to go.  Which makes Angelina furious, because when she suggested that last week no one wanted to do it.  She feels like now that a man has suggested it everyone suddenly likes the idea.  They decide to go for Christian but tell everyone that the vote is for Angelina.  Ang is mad about being the decoy in case something goes wrong and she gets accidentally voted off.  

Immunity Challenge

Balance a buoy thing (it's a ball with 2 sticks) while standing on a balance beam.  It goes pretty fast and comes down to Dan vs Angelina.  Dan wins immunity and I hope Angelina goes to Ponderosa.  

Mike is set on blindsiding Christian.  Dan tells everyone that it's Christian.  #brochacho blindside

Angelina is still seething about being the decoy, going on and on about it.  Dan promises her his idol if it comes down to it.  

Dan tells Nick that it's Christian because he doesn’t't want him surprised.  Nick wants to know what happened.  He turns around and tells Christian that they're lying to him.  Christian thinks that he is screwed. Nick asks him to not do anything and trust him.  

Nick approaches Davie and asks him if he would save Christian.  Davie isn't 100% sure he wants to use his steal a vote.  He wants to stay under the radar a little longer.

Tribal

Angelina tells Jeff that she wanted everyone to know what really happened last time and to forgive her

Nick points out that the Goliaths don't even care what she does as long as they keep the numbers

Mike says that the Davids really are involved, and were last week as well.

Davie says he hopes that they still do have input

Carl says that's bullshit, they have the #'s and don't care about the Davids

John says something about "you get what you give", implying that the David's are responsible for their position in the game

Nick points out to him that you don't gain trust just by telling people how to vote

John says he is interested in voting out threats

Christian says he's worried.  Says he put a target on his head from the first day when he was trying to show that the David's were strong.  He points out that he has also built brochacho relationships.  

Angelina says pointing that out is stupid because it shows that he is an EVEN BIGGER THREAT.  She points out that last week was the last time they were all mellow.  Tonight there will be happy and unhappy people

The vote.  

Anyone have an idol??  Davie gets up and plays his for Christian

Angelina almost has a fit telling Dan he has to play his for her.  He plays his and she yells out DID YOU SAY FOR ME?????  Yes. 

The vote is 7 Christian-doesn't' count, 2 for Angelina, which sadly don't count and out of NOWHERE, 2 for John who gets to go to the Gym on Ponderosa.

Survivor: OMG IT'S THE MERGE!!

Hello and welcome to the lazy girl's Survivor update!  I apologize for missing last week but I was still dancing on tabletops celebrating the election.  Basically it came down to a decision between Angelina and Lyrsa and Lyrsa was sent home.  

So this week we are having a lazy morning on the beach drinking what's left of the coffee when.....the other 2 tribes arrive and OMG IT'S THE MERGE!!!  It's finally time to start playing!!!  

And there is food and drink!  John is happy because he was starting to lose his Stretch Armstrong "macros and guns".  Everyone is inhaling the food and Gabby is looking around for some kind of clue or advantage.  And if there was one nobody found it, even though the cameraman zoomed in several times on the sign that say EVERY THINK YOU NEED FOR THE REST OF THE GAME IS RIGHT HERE.  

Angelina is sitting next to Carl who is inhaling the beer and he tells them that Alec flipped against Natalia.  Angelina is spreading the rumor and doesn't trust Alec now.  There's a 6 David/7 Goliath split right now and one person can change the game.  

Carl is a bit drunk and telling all the other men that he can't stand Elizabeth because she's totally annoying.  He want to git her gone.  

Christian and Nick meet and confirm that they are still the Mason to the other's Dixon.  Nick tells him that Dan has an idol.  

Dan and Kara meet back on the beach and, as he sucks his formerly fat stomach in, Nick breathlessly tells Kara he found another idol.  He wasn't going to tell her but he is apparently powerless around a hot blond.  

The Goliaths strut on the beach and crow about how they are all totally a unified group.  They discuss Elizabeth but Angelina want Christian gone.  Nick argues that Christian is a cool cat but Angelina is all power hungry control freaking that is HAS TO BE CHRISTIAN.  

Alec has a bond with Christian.  Alec is loving the merge and wanting to start trouble.  "There's gonna be tears shed and idols flushed".  

Overnight Dan and Kara chat for about 2 hours and Elizabeth is annoyed and troubled about the duo.  

Mike is looking for an alliance outside of just Goliath as well.  He talks to Alison who tells him she and Alec are tight and are planning to vote with Goliath for maaaybe 2 votes.  Mike also likes Nick and wants to bring him along.  Alec tells him he is in a thing with Christian and Gabby so now they have a 6 under the radar alliance.  Christian calls it the counter insurgency, and says Alec is ready to move by spearheading the 6 group and waiting to take out a Goliath target when they see fit.  

Elizabeth is still annoyed by Dan and Kara is is lobbying Carl and then Alec to get rid of Dan.  Dan is still playing double agent so he goes and tells Kara and Dan that Elizabeth wants Dan out.  Which sends Dan, who has 2 idols in his pocket (and probably little else...) into crazy land.  Kara is like, dude, get a hold of your baby self!  

Challenge:  Jeff tells them this is the first individual immunity challenge and he shows off the new necklace.  it's a new challenge I think where they have to swing a pendulum through a metal frame which is around a statue.  If you lose momentum or drop the statue you are out.  It comes down to Elizabeth and Alison, and Alison ends up with immunity.  

The Goliaths go back to camp and again stroll on the beach like royalty discussing who is going.  Angelina wants Christian and she goes into some military lingo to make her point and "fire up my troups". She's all cocky about getting them to follow her.  Dan is annoyed because 1) he also likes Christian and 2) Elizabeth said his name.  He's annoyed at Angelina for thinking she is in the military just because she learned a few phrases from her husband.  

Gabby is upset that they are just sitting around waiting to see which one of them is being voted off.  "We are just so pathetic that we are basically telling them we will vote off one of our own just to go a bit farther".  

Alison and Alec talk and discuss that Angelina is annoying.  The don't want to vote for Christian because they will lose trust with the rest of their new alliance. They talk tot he Goliath bro's sitting around the beach drying out their muscles and they all decide they want Elizabeth instead.  Dan and one of the other bro's talk to Angelina and tell her they've changed their minds and it's Elizabeth.  Which makes Angelina nuts.  She's pissed, and then she cries, and then she calls Elizabeth over and tells her it's her and she doesn't want her to be blindsided.  

Elizabeth goes over to Gabby and the other Davids and tells them she is the one going.  Gabby suggests they tell the Goliaths that Angelina is telling their plans.  

 Tribal

Alison agrees that the first vote after the merge sets a tone.  "I'm glad I'm immune because there is a ton of relationships to manage"

Alec also agrees that there are a lot of different alliance variations people can take now and there are many conversations going on.  He says everything is shifted, which is a surprise to Angelina.  

Angelina says it's still a David vs Goliath split and that the Goliaths want to be more conservative with their vote and she agrees

Elizabeth pipes up that they are in fact not all in agreement and that there is a fracture.  She points out that Angelina told her that she was being voted off.

Angelina tells Elizabeth that she is showing bad strategy in telling people that, and goes on to suggest that she didn't really tell her she was non committal.  

Alison points out that Angelina is starting jury management.

Angelina restates that she was non commital in her talk with Elizabeth

Gabby refutes that because Elizabeth specifically told them what Angelina said

Alison points out that she is trying to pocket her vote by telling her she is sorry to see her go.  

Stupid Jeff asks if this isn't just playing the game and Angelina jumps in to say that yes, she is just doing what a good player does and Elizabeth is just trying to save herself

Gabby gets upset and points out that the David's SHOULD be doing whatever they can to save themselves and the Goliaths are expecting them to just roll over.  

Everyone is up and talking to each other.  

Angelina says she should have lied but she is trying to play the game AS A LOVING PERSON, which is fucking hilarious.  

Jeff points out to her that now people have a perception of her...

Elizabeth says that her goal is that some of the Goliaths would join the Davids side (meanwhile lots of discussions still going on)

Angelina says that she's now excited to vote for Elizabeth.  

Vote

Angelina 1, Elizabeth 7.  "Good luck, I love you all".  Ang:"funny way of showing it....."  

Welcome to the Halloween edition of the Survivor Update!  Hoping this update treat is more like a Reeses and less like a box of raisins. 

Natalia was blindsided last week and Kara is upset that she didn't know it was happening, which honey is how you do a blindside.  She feels NAKED!!  Alec blindsided and backsided me!!  Alec'hey baby. you and I are still together.  But now the David's have the numbers...

On Green the sun is out, everyone is laying on the beach drying their soggy privates out and Gabby is HAPPY.  And then the storm comes.  And comes and we get to see everyone on all beaches wet with no fire and miserable.  And it gets worse. Someone must ring a bell when there is tree mail because there is no way Carl would just happen to go out and find tree mail.  But alas, he does and they are all evacuated while a cyclone hits.  Davie is happy to "get his black ASS out of here".  

Next day all of the camps are a mess,  Signs down, flooded and on the tribe with the comfort items SOME OF THE ADIRONDACK CHAIRS ARE KNOCKED OVER!

Challenge:  It's a reward one.  First team gets chickens and a rooster.  Second gets a dozen eggs and third gets nothing.  The challenge is:

Poles

Sandbags in a net

Slingshot

2 targets

Can you tell I don't even care what the challenges are anymore??  

Wrestler John looks like an old toy I had called Stretch Armstrong.  He's buff with loooong arms and a tiny waste.  Seriously he looks much better without clothes.  Which is also a problem I have.....  (Here's a funny story that can also be a scary halloween one.  I had a stretch armstrong doll for ever-you could literally pull it's lets and arms to like 6 feet long and it would shrink back.  I kept it in it's original box and had it in our attic at our old house.  Until we moved when I went to pack up the attic and SOMETHING HAD GOTTEN INSIDE THE BOX AND LITERALLY EATEN STRETCH ARMSTRONG.  All that was left was his little shirt and pants.  I gotta believe whatever the hell lived in my attic ultimately died of cancer from whatever was in Stretch)

Ok, where the hell were we??  Oh, Orange wins the chickens, Purple comes from behind and wins the eggs and Green gets nothing.  Because there was no puzzle for Christian to solve in his head.  

Davie is thrilled with the KBC-kentucky boiled chicken.  Kara is still simmering and she talks to Carl.  Says she needs a new alliance and that they can't go into the merge with Alec because he is untrustworthy. She also talks to Elizabeth who wants to trust her but can't really.  She thinks Alec has more loyalty now that he has double crossed his original tribe and Kara is the one that needs to go.  

On purple, Angelina is a vegetarian and is excited with the eggs because she hasn't eaten any protein.  Call me crazy but I think there should be a get out of vegetarianism card when you are on Survivor. Or basically when you are anything other than a first world citizen.  Natalia wants them to cook the eggs up and gobble them down  right away.  Lyrsa wants to save them and says that cooking them will make them go bad faster.  No idea if this is true.  These two go head to head.  Mike says that Natalie has a masters degree in ungraciousness.  He's ready to have Survivor without her.  

The boys are bonding on Green.  They're calling each other Bro-chahontas. Gabby is an outsider.  Former fat guy Dan goes looking and finds an idol clue-the idol is at the next immunity challenge.  He says that fat him would be proud.  I'm sooooo over this but I am 1000% expecting at the reunion show to meet Fat Dan again.  

Immunity Challenge.  Here are the refrigerator magnets used today:

Up and over a wall

Climb platform

Use rope to lift a bridge

Slide down a fire pole

Untie a ball

Use the little ball and this 2 rope thing to move a ball up a vertical maze-this part if really cool.  

During the ball part Dan gets his second idol.  He tries to eat it because HE USED TO BE FAT.  

Orange comes in first,Green comes in second because Christian has a PhD in moving his balls, and Purple is going to tribal.  Still unsure if they have in fact eaten all of the eggs.  

Natalie starts the bidding off with IS IT NICK OR LYRSA???  People half halfheartedly discuss Lyrsa going.  Angelina tells Natalie that she wants Lyrsa's jacket when she goes.  Asks Natalie to make that happen.  Natalie asks Nick to steal the jacket.  She's really bullying him to get the jacket.  "Nick, is that jacket worth $1 million???"

Nick tells Lyrsa that Natalie wants him to steal her jacket.  Mike just can't deal with it anymore.  Mike talks to Angelina about but she's nervous because IT'S A BIG MOVE.  

Tribal

Angelina says it's critical that they remain Goliath strong

Lyrsa points out that nobody knows what they are doing on the other tribes

Nick says that he's never at the center of drama-he's collaborative

The topic of the eggs comes up and Lyrsa tries again to point out that she is a chef and they didn't have the temperature for the eggs

Nick says it gets blown into drama but there really only needed one or two people to make that call

Angelina "has to jump in here" and be her usual pollyanna self.  

Nick says something about Natalie having strong opinions

Lyrsa points out that everyone has had an issue with Natalia

Nick says he tried to talk to her but all she wanted was the jacket

Natalie says that she was negotiating not bullying BECAUSE SHE IS IN SALES

Lyrsa says she is mean and impersonal

Natalie asks Angelina to help her out

Angelina says some horseshit about "she was trying to get the jacket out of love for me"

Mike points out that Angelina is a peacekeeper-she walks a very fine line with Natalie.  He says it's about having the #'s vs having people you can work with and trust

Natalie closes with "but you should see those jackets!!"

Jeff says that she is a person who always needs the last work

To which Natalie says "Not Really...."

Vote.  Lyrsa 2 and Natalie is finally off.  Angelina gives her a hug and then asks for her jacket.  

Natalie??

Natalie??

Natalie???

Ahhhhh.  Enjoy tonight my little goblins!

Survivor Week 4: Drop Your Buffs

If it's Wednesday afternoon you know I am furiously writing a Survivor update!!  

Day 10.  COME IN GUYS!!  But before we change the tribes, let's DASH Elayne Baker's hopes of winning the pool by having her "serious athlete" bail because of a little knee injury.  I didn't even get the Aussie medical dude to make me believe it was justified and now just "oooh, I'm eligible for some Oxy" lame ass excuse.

So, the for the rest of you it's an UNPREDICTABLE TWIST.  Drop you buffs!  It's a tribe re-sorting with the addition of one new tribe that gets nothing.  And apparently Exhile Island because the two people who left due to medical issues fucked up the numbers.    And LOW AND BEHOLD, each of the 3 new teams has a majority of Goliaths.  Totally random!  Who would have thought it POSSIBLE!!

We have the new Purple tribe called Jabeni (Jaboni???) consisting of:

Natalia

Mike

Angelina

Lyrsa

Nick

Orange (Vuku)

Natalie

Kara

Alec

Davie

Elizabeth

Green (Tiva)

John

Dan

Alison

Christian

Gabby

Carl gets to go to Exile Island.  

The new orange people are all excited because they have a GREAT BEACH!!  Why, it's almost like the producers decided to make have and have not tribes!  Alec is happy that "we have the numbers".  Davie, who was originally excited about the opportunity to "start playing the game" realizes he now must start befriending the Caucasians.  He makes some analogy to his driving a great car and how that will help him fit in.  Elizabeth, also on the bottom, starts bonding with Kara and talking about horses.  Natalia ain't happy about this horse talk and thinks Elizabeth and Kara are way too close too soon.  

Exile is probably the same exile that's been used in 7 other seasons.  There's a note that says something about catch me before I'm swept away, which Carl correctly figures out means all of the coconuts being swept out to sea.  He throws himself in (with his cowboy boots still on I think) and scrambles.  After the cameraman points the camera directly at it, he finds the coconut held together with blue string and gets an advantage in the game- an  idol nullifier, which is kind of a cool advantage but not really "just like the sling that took out Goliath".

On purple Mike realizes that they have the Davids of the Davids with Lyrsa and Nick and that basically their entire tribe is the bottom 5 of the game.  Natalie is throwing her considerable weight around and saying she wants Lyrsa and Nick GONE.  And then she starts ordering EVERYONE around.  Haven't we all worked for this kind of person that is soooo awful that everyone is looking at each other like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME??"  Angelina comments that Natalie just sits on her throne and tells the peasants what to do.  Nick immediately sees this and thinks he has found a crack in their alliance.  He talks to Mike about how crazy she is and tells him he wants to work together, calling this alliance Rock Stars!  

Finally, on green they have nothing.  Christian decides since he can't really do anything physical he will go with the Charm Nuclear Warfare which trust me, so far is working on me!!  He talks to John all about slamtown and John admits that he himself is kind of socially awkward.  Gabby gets upset that he's bonding with his DUDE BRO'S, and does her one trick pony of crying WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE to Christian.  LOL, the whole time they are having their "talk" they are being filmed in sepia.  She thinks they are all the cool kids at the lunch table, and she is only able to talk to Christian. Seriously, is he just being nice or does he think he'll finally be able to lose his virginity??

Challenge, and I realize we have yet to see many of these people in bathing suits.  2 tribes will get immunity but only the first tribe will get breakfast treats and coffee.  

It's one of those caller and blindfold things, this time with the caller riding on basically a wheel barrow being pushed by 2 people through a maze, and then a blind table maze.  Interestingly enough quiet Gabby is one of the callers, along with Kara and Angelina.  Gabby is really good at it, which isn't surprising given that she is a technical writer.  Angelina leading Natalie and Nick are horribly off course.  At the table maze it's Green flying through it for the first place win, and orange with a lead as purple is still working themselves back to the course.  Orange drops their ball, giving the purple tribe time to catch up and with endless tries at getting the ball in the last drop, Purple pulls it out and wins the mini immunity, sending Orange to tribal.  

Orange has to decide Davie or Elizabeth.....or maybe not.....Elizabeth realizes she has a 50/50 chance but she isn't giving up: Git yer butt in gear to find an idol.  

Davie already has the idol so he goes for plan B which is to tell Natalia that Elizabeth wants her out and he really wants to work with the Goliaths.  Natalia goes balistic and automatically says "she has to go".  

Elizabeth tries her hand at Alec, telling him he needs a resume builder BIG MOVE.  He's worried about showing his hand this early.  She tells him she's willing to add her vote for Davie.  Alec talks to Kara and Natalia about voting for Davie instead of Elizabeth but Natalia once again isn't having any of it.  He thinks that she doesn't trust anyone.  Natalia threatens him-if you don't vote with us you have no future.  

Davie taks to Alec and asks him if he really trusts these girls....

Tribal and Carl returns but has no vote.  

Jeff asks Natalia if it's clearly either Davie or Elizabeth.  Yes, we all decided.

Elizabeth says she's so concerned she almost pooped herself, but she can be loyal to anyone

Davie pleads his case and points out that Elizabeth has friends on the other side and a great story

Natalia is excited that the game has started.  

Elizabeth points out that in this modern era of Survivor one has to go down burning, and that big moves are important.

Natalia says that Elizabeth is desperate and that it's too early for big moves.  

While she is talking Alec gets up and goes to whisper in Elizabeth's ear.  Natalia says that she is TOTALLY PISSED OFF and has no idea what just happened.  

Alec them talks to Kara and Davie and Natalia asks ARE YOU VOTING ME OFF?? Kara leans over and says something to her and she says, "LET'S VOTE!"

Vote:  Elizabeth 1, Davie 1 and Natalia is VOTED OFF THE ISLAND!  Woohoo!!  Good riddance!!!  

Survivor Week 3: First Goliath to Go is.....

Welcome back to another fun recap of this season's Survivor!  I, for one, am already liking this show-mostly because I have figured out MOST of these people.  Still having trouble with the dark haired women though!  

Coming off last week's DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY, oh wait, BLINDSIDE!!  Davis is pissed that Big Bang Christian didn't tell him how it was going to go.  Christian tries to explain how Gabby got to him and Davie decides that Gabby is the dangerous one.  However, they rejoice that Mason-Dixon is in charge!!

Carl is crying he's so upset about Jessie, some young white girl he met 3 days ago and who has now apparently become his daughter in his mind.  He decides to avenge his non-daughter's honor he needs to "turn it up a notch".  Carl talks to Bi who says she's WIDE WOKE now!  She also blames Gabby and wants to take her out.  

The Goliaths have fish and it's all happy times there!  The wrestler says it's time to break out his old school human to human skills and connect with everyone.  He especially wants to work with Natalie who he thinks just wants to be  the boss bitch.  

Jeremy and Mike continue to be joined at the hip.  They go fishing and Jeremy is afraid to lose the fishing spear.  He tells Mike all about his father having Alzheimer and how sad it is that he is not able to see how much Jeremy appreciates him.  Mike believes that Jeremy is a person of depth BUT his actions make him look like a money grubber.  He doesn't want to be taken down with him in his inevitable flame out.

Gabby and Nick spend some time discussing John and "slamtown" and how much they want to meet him.  I guess they are big wrestling fans.  

Bi and Nick spend time bitching about Gabby saying how fast she got Jess out and how scary that is.  They want her OUT!

Jeremy is beginning his flame out by wondering why there are so many side conversations, what with all of the other potential activities when one is sitting on a beach without any technology to look at.  He wants to get to the merge but the side conversations are signs to him of "distrust".  He literally brings the tribe together to have a meeting about it.  He thinks they need to slow the game strategy down because there's nothing to talk about until they start losing.  Kara thinks he is paranoid.  Mike thinks he is the one spinning right now.  John and Angelina conclude that it's all just strategy to keep people wanting to get rid of Natalie instead of possibly him.  

Jeremy begins to spin about Dan and Kara being to close.  He runs around telling people that he found the idol in Dan't pocket.  John thinks this shows that Jeremy is playing too hard and he doesn't trust him.  

Challenge-and it's raining.  One person does an obstacle course, 3 people unbraid ropes and there's a sled and then a pyramid puzzle.  Wanna know?  Immunity and the Pier 1 Imports comfort stuff.  Goliath has to sit one person out and Natalie insists she wants to do the puzzle.  

Again Bi goes up against Alec but this time Alec gets stuck and loses time.  It all comes down to the puzzle just like you knew it would.  The Davids win immunity finally!!  Bi hurts her athletic knee.  Later she says something about spraining her MCL previously and she already has a knee brace.  Remember when they got one luxury item instead of all the luggage they can carry??  

Most people realize Natalie was NOT the best choice to do the puzzle.  Natalie says it is what it is!  She approaches Jeremy looking for her "support from her brother"...  He basically tells her to look elsewhere and says she has poor communication skills.  

Alison and Angelina talk and Alison thinks Natalie is digging her own grave.  Angelina thinks Jeremy is a better first choice because they can get rid of Natalie any time.  Angelina is really committed to getting rid of Jeremy and she talks to John and Dan about it.  Mike thinks Natalie is a demoralizer and is confused because he thought it was kind of a done deal.  Natalie tries to argue about Natalie but Angelina is pretty insistent.  

Natalie tries to plead her case to Kara and Dan but Jeremy comes up and sits down beside them and a fist ensues when he doesn't want to let her talk and she doesn't want to talk with Jeremy around.  It's a huge crazy scene with Jeremy going nuts and cutting her off.  

Tribal-get your fire because in this game fire equals your life.  It's really raining and there's crazy lightening.  

Angelina says that she always figured the lightening at tribal was fake.  

Mike says something about how he was enjoying sleeping with a tiny basket as a pillow and how his standards have been lowered. 

Jeremy opens the can of whoop ass by saying everyone gets along EXCEPT NATALIE.

Natalie tells Jeff that Jeremy has her as his target

Jeremy tells him that it's her against everyone else and that she's 58 years old and can't deal with people.  

Natalie tells him that Jeremy is ridiculous and completely un self aware of himself

Jeremy says he "guarantees" that if he died, 9 people who be crying over his body but if she died no one would come to her funeral.  Which to me seemed a bit extreme, LOL!

Dan points out that she speaks down to people and says she's used to being a boss but they aren't her employees

Ang says that she believes Natalie doesn't realize who she is being perceived.

Alison says there are no second chances to change people's opinions

Natalie wonders why all the vitriol directed at her?  Why am I a threat?  Says at 57 she is a senior citizen AND RIGHT THERE I WANTED HER ASS TO GO.  

Jeremy predicts that when they merge she won't be aligned with them and Natalie promises she is.

John says his goal this vote is to keep the tribe strong and move forward.  

Time to vote:  Natalie gets 1 and Jeremy is the first Goliath to go.  

David and Goliath Week 2

So onward to week 2!  And it's RAINING.  Team Goliath has no fire and everything is wet.  It's CRUSHING.  IS THE END IN SIGHT??":  LOL.  Day 3 I believe.....

Over on David, it's either morning or not raining somehow.  Anyway Nick and Christian chat.  Nick says he knows he was supposed to go home because no one is talking to him.  Christian says it's a good thing they didn't have to go to tribal because there is still "alliance ambiguity".  Nick thinks one of the girls needs to go.  Like, apparently just out of the blue if they don't have a penis let's vote em out.  Oh, and along with some misogyny we need a cool alliance name.  How about "mason dixon"?  Suuuuuure, why not??  

On Goliath they get tree mail- "it's been unrelentingly raining for 3 days.  Here's a fire making kit and a tarp, Love Jeff."  .  Jesus.  Remember whey they starved and had to jump into the flooded out campground to get half a bag of friggin rice??  Survivor kids today have it soooo easy.  

Dan still thinks he is living the dream.  Losing more weight on the Survivor diet, got a hot blonde girlfriend AND an idol!  Kara asks him where the idol is and he says, "over there in my jacket wrapped in a sock., No one will EVER look there."  Kara is starting to get the vibe that he's a creeper stalker and is being too obvious about their alliance.  People are noticing too. Alec thinks Kara is playing Dan.  

Natalie tells Kara to "chill out on the couple thing".  Kara complains to the other girls that he's too much.  They all check their dance cards and realize that each of them has a male alliance that they can control so they're in charge.  They decide to go for Natalie.  

Jeremy and Mike are bonding.  While Mike watches, Jeremy goes through Dan;s jacket and sees the idol.  He tells Mike.  Mike thinks he has gone from the bottom and now has new life in the game.  "info is now the advantage".

On Orange Davie decides his role is to be the provider.  And while he is providing he is praying and looking like a ninja.  He finds a strange string on a branch and them he finds the idol.  

Carl states that it was going to be Nick but then Pat went home.  He talks to the girls and mansplains to them that Lyrsa is the weakest and she should go.  You are the weakest link, goodbye.  Oh, sorry wrong game.  Elizabeth doesn't think that adds up to her.  She is in an alliance with Lyrsa and she "aint gonna sit back-git into gear!"  She tells Lyrsa what Carl said.  Lyrsa asks who the F won the first challenge??  She wants to confront him but realizes she can't.  But she wants him OUT.  

They're all frolicking and crabbing over on Goliath.  Natalie says they are all childish and she ain't doing any of that. Seriously, all she has done is snarl and sit on her ass the entire time.  The boys stand around and talk about her lack of social awareness.  John likes her and wants to be her secret alliance.  He tells her that they are all talking about her.  Natalie loses it and decides she isn't going out quietly.  Why the old lady???  I'm the weakest!!!  She runs around confronting everyone, says she's going to push things with Natalie Napalm.  

Jeremy tries to give her some advice.  Starts talking to her about her lack of self awareness and she argues with him.  "You don't have to define self awareness for me!!!"  She totally won't listen.  He says, she's been married for 24 years to someone who must love her so she isn't about to change her ways.  Ya gotta wonder what all of those young employees of hers are thinking watching this.....

Challenge, and yes that was a cyclone.  

Wanna know?  Immunity and a fancy fishing kit with a first ever POLE.  

The challenge starts with a 2 rung ladder where you have to stand on one rung and reach under and pull the lower one out and reposition so you can climb.  The Davids make the most ridiculous choice to have Bi do the challenge and she is too small to reach around and move the rungs.  They get crushed so bad in the part of the challenge.  Part 2 is a raft they swim out to get keys I think and part 3 is a pretty elaborate puzzle.  It's a blow out although the puzzle takes an hour to complete and surely there was time for David to recover. But no.  Goliath wins immunity again.  

Christian says it's time to pick the scab off all the boiling blood.  Lyrsa says it's like the Goliaths are invincible and SO DAMN LARGE.  Bi says that with her sport it's not about size but about finding solutions to the obstacles.  

Gabby approaches Jesse and Bi and asks who they are all voting for.  They say Lyrsa and don't want to discuss it any further.  "Simple and easy".  Gabby is upset because she is also one of the weakest and worries about next time.  

Lyrsa and Elizabeth talk.  Lyrsa is pissed.  Elizabeth asks, "why not Jesse??"  Lyrsa agrees because Jesse is the glue between Bi and Carl and getting rid of Jesse would get rid of that threesome.  They talk to Gabby who agrees.  Christian walks up and they hit him with it.  He's surprised how fast the game is going but happy because that's about how fast his computer brain goes.  He sits with Gabby who asks him if he wants to play with him.  In the sand??  No IN THE GAME.  She begs him pretty hard.  He talks with Nick about whether to go with the safe, easy vote of Lyrsa or the risky move of Jesse which will lay down alliance lines.  

Tribal

Lyrsa-yes I knew it was going to rain but not like this.

Bi and Carl both say everyone got all tight

Elizabeth says the crisis brought them all together

BUUUUT

Lyrsa says you could cut the tension with a knife. "I know I am on the chopping block" but I don't know why.

Jesse says that if you were waiting until tribal to start figuring out who to vote for you need to check yourself. It's a game for a million dollars

Gabby says she gets that but in fact they've all been playing all along

Bi states that her vote is on performance tonight and she's decided.

Christian waxes about how yes people are playing individual games at this point BUT there are not 9 targets,  The vote has been narrowed to a few choices.

Nick says something about it being a game of deceit and you need to balance trust with what will advance the team.

Christian says that we are too early for a merge to trust has to take a backseat to what will help the team succeed.

Jesse says the game has much more high nerves than she expected but it's also exhilarating.

Christian goes on eloquently about risk, excitement and roller coasters.  But I didn't write it down.  LOL!!

Time to vote!  

Lyrsa 4 and SURPRISE!!!  Jesse gets  votes and is gone!  WOW!!!