Ahhhh, I wasn't gonna do it but you know I can't watch this shit without commenting, and Wil really doesn't want to hear it! LOL. Looks like we have 25 (or is it 26? hmmmmm) ho bags HIV and Herpes tested and ready to compete! The Bachelor is Sean, or Shawn or something like that. Not that it really matters because week 1 is all about the women who will either get a rose or a house full of cats to begin their lives as the crazy cat ladies who were once on the Bachelor.
Here we go, as they come out of the limo:
1. AshLee E. or AshLee F as the website calls her
2. Jackie, who is a cosmedic consultant (Mary Kay or Avon??). She whips out a red lipstick and leaves a big kiss on his cheek.
3. Selma-who pulls a Kleenex out of her cleavage and wipes the lipstick off.
4. Leslie H who I believe is biracial. Looks like ABC is taking it up a notch this season. She's a poker dealer.
5. Daniella, or as I like to call her "the girl with the skank hair". It's bad. She does this strange "let's have out own handshake" thing.
6. Kelly. She "entertains" on a cruise ship. Not a hooker at all. LOL. She sings a song she made up for him.
7. Katie is a yoga girl who doesn't wear shoes. Probably rubs a crystal under her pits for deodorant too.
8. Ashlee #2 (P). She is the 50 shades of Grey freakazoid who comes with a gray tie to use on Sean. Because as we all know, twenty-something men are totally reading that book.
9. Taryn-she has pretty hair braids
10. Catherine
11. Robyn, who is also african american. She decides to do a couple of backflips on the way over to Sean and falls spectacularly on national TV. So in case you were wondering if it was possible to be MORE humiliated that just having to go on the Bachelor to find lurve, yes it is.
12. Lacey, who comes right out and...shakes his hand. She also gives him a lace heart to remember her.
13. Paige, who is a jumbotron operator (does that mean she knows how to use the on and off switch??). She was on Bachelor Pad 3 but still managed to pass the STD check.
14. Tierra who is really really GLAD to meet him. And then he says, "wait a minute", runs inside and gets a rose for her. She has an open heart on her finger and wants him to close it for her. She gets the first rose. Sean: "I hope that doesn't cause tension in the house". Nah, not at all Sean, you clueless idiot.
15. Amanda who wants to get the awkward pause out of the way in a very awkward way.
16. Leriann, who also has really bad hair. She drove 2000 miles to be there and apparently forgot her blowdryer.
17. Desiree, who wins the first impression in my mind by bringing pennies for them to throw in the fountain (is it always the same house??)
18. Sarah 1-arm
19. Brooke who is also african american and kind of sleezy.
20. Diana
OK, my DVD crapped out and I lost 4 Ho's.
25. Lindsay arrives in a full out bridal gown and veil.
Looks like I missed the 3rd Ashley, H, who is AA and wearing a horrible blue dress. Leslie, Lauren and Kristie might be the rest of the missing girls.
Oh, and wait there's one more person who called and wanted to meet Sean. Kacie B from Ben's season. I love how these girls know all the other girls and what freaking season they were on! Kasie B met Sean in the past (is that the show about the losers?) and wanted to come back. He lets her back and of course the Ho-cats start freaking out.
And so we begin the "party". Desiree gets to talk to him and BANG he gives out another rose. What?? The Ho-cats are starting to meow because a few of them can count to 2 roses. Then all hell breaks lose as Sean just starts handing out roses. He's apparently into "energy". The first 3 with roses sit together and the holder of rose #3 has to bag on Tierra saying that hers wasn't really a first impression rose and all of their roses are the same. Whatev!!
Selma gets one, Jackie gets one, Robyn gets one. He's just running through them! Everyone's freaking out that some girls are having one on one time and NOT GETTING THE ROSE. OMG!! It's so confusing!!
The bride is freaking OUT. She is also drunk. And clingy. She thinks maybe he doesn't get the whole wearing a wedding gown thing. No rose for her.
And now it's the SCARY 50 Shades of Gray girl who wins tonight's prize for the drunkest! She has bad eyeliner and a bad dress and is really just BAAAAD. She's slinking around "dancing". She interrupts Sean and someone, they ask for 30 seconds and she stands there dancing while she waits. Out comes the gray tie again. "My mom is already in love with you and calls you her future son-in-law". Uhuh, clearly insanity is genetic in that family. No rose for her. Sean: "I think she was 50 shades of drunk". He walks her inside and she falls on her ass.
Leslie H gets a rose and it's now like sharks smelling blood in the water. They're all over him.
Taryn is tearful. She and Brooke are sitting together and Sean comes up AND TAKES BROOKE AWAY. So now the boo hooing is really starting. "I don't fight over a guy...I can't do this for 9 weeks".
Sarah 1 arm is nervous and working herself into hysteria. If I don't get a rose it's because I ONLY HAVE ONE ARM. And do you know how hard it is to open cat food cans with one arm????? You try it next time. Finally she gets her chance for a chat, and frankly bored me to tears. NO ENERGY. But, then again, she has ONE ARM and Sean gives her the pity rose. OH GOOD!! Next week when I get the ax I can be relieved to know it was because my personality sucks, not just that I have ONLY ONE ARM.
Ding ding ding. Ladies, time for the final rose giveaways. Sean has 7 left to give out. Big drama.......
Amanda, Leslie N, Kasie B, Kristie, Skank Hair Daniella, Taryn and Lindsay get the roses which means that Sean has weeded out 2 Ashley's, Kelly and Keriann (the cruise ship hooker, who is embarassed), Paige, Lacey Underthings and Lauren. 50 shades is gone. :(
Monday, January 14, 2013
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Survivor: Ding Dong!
Ahhhhh, I really don't want this season to end!!! Finale tonight and I will be watching!! Especially because....
Ding dong
The witch is dead
Which old witch?
The fucking Brazillian one.
Sooooo, sweet little dufus Carter went last week instead of the horror. Abi thinks they believe that she has an idol. LOL. She has to rush off and bury it again while Malcolm and Mike laugh behind her back. Malcolm's a little worried about Lisa saying she wanted to take people to the finale she can beat.
Once alone with Lisa, Abi starts working on her. "you're at the bottom and everyone can beat you". Lisa is just planning on using her for information.
Challenge: Race over a slide twice, run into the ocean, get rings and do a ring toss. Wanna know what you're huffing out into the water for? A helicopter ride, pizza and a big fish. Spoiler alert-Mike wins from the very start. He picks Malcolm and Lisa to go with him but promises Denise all of his food, and Lisa tells her "just leave me the dishes". LOL, as if they are gonna go back and cook a Thanksgiving meal.
Abi has the sadz.
Back at camp, it's Denise's worst nightmare. "It's like a first date with the kid who used to spit on your food in grade school". And Abi won't shut up! She thinks Denise is a horrible person. "I'm the swing vote and nobody gets that...Next time is my last chance to use the immunity idol..."
Denise: "I want to hang myself".
On the reward, they are on a boat looking for whale sharks. And eating/drinking. Apparently Mike hasn't had sugar in 30 years but he downs a couple of "pops" and eats some cookies and is totally wasted. It's pretty funny. Then the find the giant fish and go snorkeling around it. Pretty cool. Afterwards Malcolm starts talking about getting rid of Denise because nobody beats her. Offers Lisa and Mike final 3. I'm thinking it's an act to save his own ass.
Next day, Denise is sick. She has fang marks on her neck and is totally sore. Personally, I think it was Abi. Lisa and Mike pray with her but Abi is relieved.
Immunity Challenge: Use the rope bridge, get puzzle pieces and put together a puzzle maze.
Malcolm is in the lead but at the last minute falls off the rope bridge and has to start over. Denise is really close on the puzzle but Malcolm comes back and wins. Oh, and Malcolm honey? NEVER CUT THAT LONG HAIR OF YOURS. God, if he can act, maybe Malcolm could play the dude in 50 Shades of Gray!!! He had long hair redish brown hair.....or at least that's what I remember but I've only read it like 5 times....
So back at camp, and did I ever mention they named the tribe DANGRAYNE? LOL. It cracks me up every time. Anyway, I'm starting my mantra: abiabiabiabiabiabiabiabiabiabiabi,,,,,,
They're sitting around the fire and a giant spark hits Mike. Abi's all SAD. 'I get no credit here". She tells Mike and Lisa, "you two don't have a change against Malcolm and Denise...take me..." Mike says he'll think about it but OMG 3 more days of her?? Mike and Lisa talk about taking Abi instead of Malcolm or Denise to the finals. Lisa wants to take Abi along BUT they need Denise's strength to possibly keep Malcolm from winning the final immunity challenge.
Denise asks Malcolm for his extra immunity idol, but he tells her "she won't need it". Hmmmmm.
At Tribal:
isa tells Jeff that Abi was totally working it today. Jeff asks Abi if she's in trouble tonight: "you've been detested and laughed out". LOL! Abi still thinks they should take her to the end.
Denise: Sure, if you want someone who hasn't outwitted, outlasted or outplayed
Jeff: But she has...
Denise says she was just lucky that the yellow tribe didn't go to tribal, which gets Lisa's hackles up. "It wasn't luck but hard work and strength that kept us out of tribal".
Malcolm says that at this point in the game, winning takes over your mind.
Abi: They can't beat Denise or Malcolm. Lisa and Mike are not winning.
Mike starts to talk but Abi interrupts to say, "No, you are an idiot, that's why you are going to lose a million dollars.
Jeff: Wow, you are a total tool.
Abi: You are a moron, Mike.
Mike: That's just Abi's way of communicating...
Lisa: I'd take her to the finale....
Malcolm: Keep in mind, people have used that strategy and that horrible person has won. WHICH IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL WEEK!!!
Abi: It's just my strategy. Denise is playing to be elite. She's just here to make friends.
Denise: "Um, NO, I'm here to win a million dollars.
Time to vote! Abi, ya wanna play that "idol" of yours? Apparently NOT.
Ahhhhhhhh, Abi is voted off. Mike literally dances away.
Ding dong
The witch is dead
Which old witch?
The fucking Brazillian one.
Sooooo, sweet little dufus Carter went last week instead of the horror. Abi thinks they believe that she has an idol. LOL. She has to rush off and bury it again while Malcolm and Mike laugh behind her back. Malcolm's a little worried about Lisa saying she wanted to take people to the finale she can beat.
Once alone with Lisa, Abi starts working on her. "you're at the bottom and everyone can beat you". Lisa is just planning on using her for information.
Challenge: Race over a slide twice, run into the ocean, get rings and do a ring toss. Wanna know what you're huffing out into the water for? A helicopter ride, pizza and a big fish. Spoiler alert-Mike wins from the very start. He picks Malcolm and Lisa to go with him but promises Denise all of his food, and Lisa tells her "just leave me the dishes". LOL, as if they are gonna go back and cook a Thanksgiving meal.
Abi has the sadz.
Back at camp, it's Denise's worst nightmare. "It's like a first date with the kid who used to spit on your food in grade school". And Abi won't shut up! She thinks Denise is a horrible person. "I'm the swing vote and nobody gets that...Next time is my last chance to use the immunity idol..."
Denise: "I want to hang myself".
On the reward, they are on a boat looking for whale sharks. And eating/drinking. Apparently Mike hasn't had sugar in 30 years but he downs a couple of "pops" and eats some cookies and is totally wasted. It's pretty funny. Then the find the giant fish and go snorkeling around it. Pretty cool. Afterwards Malcolm starts talking about getting rid of Denise because nobody beats her. Offers Lisa and Mike final 3. I'm thinking it's an act to save his own ass.
Next day, Denise is sick. She has fang marks on her neck and is totally sore. Personally, I think it was Abi. Lisa and Mike pray with her but Abi is relieved.
Immunity Challenge: Use the rope bridge, get puzzle pieces and put together a puzzle maze.
Malcolm is in the lead but at the last minute falls off the rope bridge and has to start over. Denise is really close on the puzzle but Malcolm comes back and wins. Oh, and Malcolm honey? NEVER CUT THAT LONG HAIR OF YOURS. God, if he can act, maybe Malcolm could play the dude in 50 Shades of Gray!!! He had long hair redish brown hair.....or at least that's what I remember but I've only read it like 5 times....
So back at camp, and did I ever mention they named the tribe DANGRAYNE? LOL. It cracks me up every time. Anyway, I'm starting my mantra: abiabiabiabiabiabiabiabiabiabiabi,,,,,,
They're sitting around the fire and a giant spark hits Mike. Abi's all SAD. 'I get no credit here". She tells Mike and Lisa, "you two don't have a change against Malcolm and Denise...take me..." Mike says he'll think about it but OMG 3 more days of her?? Mike and Lisa talk about taking Abi instead of Malcolm or Denise to the finals. Lisa wants to take Abi along BUT they need Denise's strength to possibly keep Malcolm from winning the final immunity challenge.
Denise asks Malcolm for his extra immunity idol, but he tells her "she won't need it". Hmmmmm.
At Tribal:
isa tells Jeff that Abi was totally working it today. Jeff asks Abi if she's in trouble tonight: "you've been detested and laughed out". LOL! Abi still thinks they should take her to the end.
Denise: Sure, if you want someone who hasn't outwitted, outlasted or outplayed
Jeff: But she has...
Denise says she was just lucky that the yellow tribe didn't go to tribal, which gets Lisa's hackles up. "It wasn't luck but hard work and strength that kept us out of tribal".
Malcolm says that at this point in the game, winning takes over your mind.
Abi: They can't beat Denise or Malcolm. Lisa and Mike are not winning.
Mike starts to talk but Abi interrupts to say, "No, you are an idiot, that's why you are going to lose a million dollars.
Jeff: Wow, you are a total tool.
Abi: You are a moron, Mike.
Mike: That's just Abi's way of communicating...
Lisa: I'd take her to the finale....
Malcolm: Keep in mind, people have used that strategy and that horrible person has won. WHICH IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL WEEK!!!
Abi: It's just my strategy. Denise is playing to be elite. She's just here to make friends.
Denise: "Um, NO, I'm here to win a million dollars.
Time to vote! Abi, ya wanna play that "idol" of yours? Apparently NOT.
Ahhhhhhhh, Abi is voted off. Mike literally dances away.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Survivor Update: Full on Hating that Bitch
I can't even remember if I blogged last week or not, but bottom line is Abi is in, Penner is out and Abi is still lying about a 4th immunity idol. And speaking of Abi, can you believe that the Pope's first tweet was"Man, that Abi is a total bitch".
Ok, so Abi thinks her days are numbered. She tries to work on Carter , tells him she as an idol. He's not into her.
Lisa is all confused, as only Lisa can be totally confused every week. She believes what Penner was saying at the last tribal that Malcolm and Denise are too strong for her to beat. Mike tries to convince her that Penner was just saying that to get her doubting herself.
Challenge: Oh, it's the family one. One by one out comes family members. Mike's son, Carter's HOT 5 ft tall mom, Denise's husband, Lisa's brother, Abi's mom and Malcolm's brother. Ok, I'm totally not sure it really was Abi's mom or the maid from the Philippine Hilton. She no hablo engleeees and has NO CLUE where she is or what the show is about. At least Abi didn't haul off and slap her. Lisa "falls into her brother's arms" and weeps. Jeff, who now spends his time all estrogen-ed out on the talk show, is all emotional. GROW A PAIR, JEFF!!!
The survivors throw a muddy ball to their loved one, who in turn throws it to knock down pins. It's amazingly close, except for Abi and the maid. Malcolm wins immunity. He gets to bring his brother back to camp for the night. He also gets to bring 2 other couples, and he picks Lisa and Mike.
Malcolm's brother is kind of a clown, and is telling lots of stories which has Malcolm worried.
Lisa talks to her bro about everything and he's all "why are you playing nice?" He asks why she wouldn't vote out Malcolm, and why she, Mike, Abi and Carter don't form an alliance and pick off Denise and Malcolm. She says "I gave them my word". "But you tried to vote him off before and he understood". Lisa's all excited because her brother somehow "gave her permission to play the game".
Lisa and her bro talk to Mike and his son and they decide to ambush Malcolm. And then they pray. 'Jesus would look like Malcolm but play like Carter".
Malcolm's a little nervous something's going on.
Challenge: Walk across a balance beam to a platform in the water, hook 3 bags, bring them back to shore and build a pole to poke a target.
It's close except for Abi who is taking her sweet time. Jeff's totally yelling at her. I can't figure out if she is actually lame or if she is acting like, "I have an idol so I don't have to rush".
Bottom line, Malcolm wins immunity and, with the idol he already has, is definitely in the final 4. Back at camp Lisa is all "when god closes a door..." and "we prayed that God would tell us if this was the right thing". She's talking to Mike and in the middle of her sermon he just says, "hey look at the huge ass ant". LOL.
Mike and Malcolm talk. Abi or Carter? Should they go with peace around the camp or strategy? Carter comes walking up and they tell him what they were talking about. He reminds them that they have always said they didn't want to take the hated person into the finals just to win.
Abi is at camp being a bitch, as usual. Denise is all, "can you just give it a damn rest?" Abi says "I guess I'll just have to play my hidden immunity idol..." Malcolm calls her a soul sucker, while Mike says she has every psychological condition rolled into 1.
Abi, business student and future CEO of a large bank: " If you tell a lie long enough, people start to believe it".
Tribal:
Malcolm says he feels safe but he's glad he has the immunity necklace.
Carter says they should pick him instead of Abi because he is "worthy"
Mike says he really likes Carter and it'd be like voting off his son.
Lisa reverses course and says that she'd rather sit next to someone she could beat.
Abi just keeps repeating like a parrot "I have the 4th immunity idol".
Denise: Yea, but no one's seen it and she isn't leveraging it. Why relationship with Abi? It's improved but not enough to keep her.
Abi laughs, and Jeff totally thinks she's a crackpot. He asks Denise if Abi can win, and Denise says NO but personally I'm not that sure she wouldn't get votes for hanging in.
Vote. Anyone have an idol?? Apparently not... And, Carter is voted out :(
Ok, so Abi thinks her days are numbered. She tries to work on Carter , tells him she as an idol. He's not into her.
Lisa is all confused, as only Lisa can be totally confused every week. She believes what Penner was saying at the last tribal that Malcolm and Denise are too strong for her to beat. Mike tries to convince her that Penner was just saying that to get her doubting herself.
Challenge: Oh, it's the family one. One by one out comes family members. Mike's son, Carter's HOT 5 ft tall mom, Denise's husband, Lisa's brother, Abi's mom and Malcolm's brother. Ok, I'm totally not sure it really was Abi's mom or the maid from the Philippine Hilton. She no hablo engleeees and has NO CLUE where she is or what the show is about. At least Abi didn't haul off and slap her. Lisa "falls into her brother's arms" and weeps. Jeff, who now spends his time all estrogen-ed out on the talk show, is all emotional. GROW A PAIR, JEFF!!!
The survivors throw a muddy ball to their loved one, who in turn throws it to knock down pins. It's amazingly close, except for Abi and the maid. Malcolm wins immunity. He gets to bring his brother back to camp for the night. He also gets to bring 2 other couples, and he picks Lisa and Mike.
Malcolm's brother is kind of a clown, and is telling lots of stories which has Malcolm worried.
Lisa talks to her bro about everything and he's all "why are you playing nice?" He asks why she wouldn't vote out Malcolm, and why she, Mike, Abi and Carter don't form an alliance and pick off Denise and Malcolm. She says "I gave them my word". "But you tried to vote him off before and he understood". Lisa's all excited because her brother somehow "gave her permission to play the game".
Lisa and her bro talk to Mike and his son and they decide to ambush Malcolm. And then they pray. 'Jesus would look like Malcolm but play like Carter".
Malcolm's a little nervous something's going on.
Challenge: Walk across a balance beam to a platform in the water, hook 3 bags, bring them back to shore and build a pole to poke a target.
It's close except for Abi who is taking her sweet time. Jeff's totally yelling at her. I can't figure out if she is actually lame or if she is acting like, "I have an idol so I don't have to rush".
Bottom line, Malcolm wins immunity and, with the idol he already has, is definitely in the final 4. Back at camp Lisa is all "when god closes a door..." and "we prayed that God would tell us if this was the right thing". She's talking to Mike and in the middle of her sermon he just says, "hey look at the huge ass ant". LOL.
Mike and Malcolm talk. Abi or Carter? Should they go with peace around the camp or strategy? Carter comes walking up and they tell him what they were talking about. He reminds them that they have always said they didn't want to take the hated person into the finals just to win.
Abi is at camp being a bitch, as usual. Denise is all, "can you just give it a damn rest?" Abi says "I guess I'll just have to play my hidden immunity idol..." Malcolm calls her a soul sucker, while Mike says she has every psychological condition rolled into 1.
Abi, business student and future CEO of a large bank: " If you tell a lie long enough, people start to believe it".
Tribal:
Malcolm says he feels safe but he's glad he has the immunity necklace.
Carter says they should pick him instead of Abi because he is "worthy"
Mike says he really likes Carter and it'd be like voting off his son.
Lisa reverses course and says that she'd rather sit next to someone she could beat.
Abi just keeps repeating like a parrot "I have the 4th immunity idol".
Denise: Yea, but no one's seen it and she isn't leveraging it. Why relationship with Abi? It's improved but not enough to keep her.
Abi laughs, and Jeff totally thinks she's a crackpot. He asks Denise if Abi can win, and Denise says NO but personally I'm not that sure she wouldn't get votes for hanging in.
Vote. Anyone have an idol?? Apparently not... And, Carter is voted out :(
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Amazing Race: Final 4
Yo
yo yo!! Where've you all been? I've been writing awesome updates in
my head but unfortunately they haven't gotten written down in a few
weeks. So, tonight is the 2 HOUR FINALE! Final 4, which should be
final 3 but we can hope the twinnies get the ax early tonight.
Last week started in Amsterdam, which makes it even more amazing that the stoner goat herders even made it to the pitt stop. I have to say, they are getting on my damn nerves! Last week, if you remember, the had a chance to finally get ahead of Abbie and Ryan, who YET AGAIN got the shaft in Frankfurt, but they decided to "stay and work together". ARGH!!! Do you want to win a million or what??? Fortunately Abbie and Ryan had been double whatevered and had to do both roadblocks/detours. I can't remember which is which without Phil telling me. Gawd, I thought the Goats were gonna wait for them for finish! But, alas, the bogus "this season is for 2 million dollars" marketing ploy is kapput.
Teams have to fly from Amsterdam to Barcelona,Spain and take an OVERNIGHT ferry to the Isle of Mallorca. Twins have a big advantage and get a 6 am flight, next team gets a 7:20 flight, followed by a 7:55 flight. No idea what time the Goats got a flight BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER since they have ALL DAY in Spain to lay on the beach and relax. Twins, Lexi/Trey and the Chips are all happy to be together and playing in the ocean.
They all meet at the ferry and these 3 teams are thrilled that the Goats beat out Abbie and Ryan, since everyone knows the Goats don't have the balls to win. Once in Mallorca they have to find a band of very strange and scary people pretending to be Devils and Demons. Yea, it's kinda freaky. The clue says they are to drive to Central de blah blah blah, which is a sports complex. The 3 amigos decide to follow each other, but the one TWINNIE who was supposed to learn stick thought it was easy and skipped her lessons. She can barely get out of the parking lot.
Once at the tennis complex, one member has to return 20 tennis balls, in bounds, because someone from Mallorca was a big deal tennis player.
Trey knows how to play tennis! The ball shooter thing goes really fast, and you only get one "bucket" of balls to get to 20, or you have to start over again. Trey does it on the first try. Next up is James, who's not the tennis player. It takes him 2 rounds to get to 20. Clue: Drive to the Cove de Campaneta.
Next to arrive are the Goats, and the tall Goat, with the bad ankle, chooses to play tennis. He obviously sucks. And he's lame ass, and he is such a whining moaner the little goat says he sounds just like Monica Seles. After the first or second round he has to sit drinking Evian and breathing hard.
Twins arrive then. And it's all COME ON TWINNIE, MOVE YOUR ASS TWINNIE. Apparently they skipped the tennis lessons their parents paid for as well. Goat dude gets his shit together and he gets done first.
At the coves, which are caves, teams have to find the music playing. Not really difficult but there are 2 dudes playing guitar and the don't stop or say anything. Clue: Detour: Spin it or Bull it. In spin it, teams have to repair a giant windmill; in bull it teams dress up as a bull and have to go around 8 matadors and butt a target at the end.
Both the Chips and Lexi/Trey decide to do the bull thing, but the Chips actually drive in the wrong direction and end up at the windmills. Lots of tawdry jokes about them dressing as construction workers in their jobs but they really did know how to put the windmill together. They finish first and are told to head to the Pitt stop, a 14th century castle.
Trey and Lexi do the bull thing, which requires one person to be the blind half of the bull and the one in back yelling which way to go. It's pretty easy and you have 2 minutes to get through it. At the final part, where the bull is supposed to just touch a target to release the bullfighter, Trey tells Lexi to run towards it, to ram it, and they crash into it. She cuts her finger and is totally PISSED OFF. They have to do it again.
It's a race the Pitt stop, but Trey/Lexi come in first place, followed by the Chips.
Down to Twins and Goats. Both choose to do the windmill, and the Twins are all cocky since they they think the guys are a bunch of weaklings. Turns out, owning a goat farm means you have to repair farm equipment all the time, and they kick ASS on it. Twins are hopelessly stupid, attached stuff wrong and just are lame.
Goats are team #3!! And, here come the Twins. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, Phil, give them the BOOT!!!
ACK!!!!!! Yet another non elimination leg!!! Twins are still in the race!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Good luck to the final 4!!!!!
1. Trey and Lexi Amy
2. Jaymes and James Joanne
3. Josh and Brent Susan
4. Natalie and Nadiya Jeff and Eileen
Out
11. Rob and Sheila Donna
10.Amy and Daniel Lori
9. Caitlin and Brittany Kevin and Matt
8. Gary and Will Karen and John
7. Rob and Kelley Elayne
6. James and Mark Betty
5. Abbie and Ryan Ginnie
Last week started in Amsterdam, which makes it even more amazing that the stoner goat herders even made it to the pitt stop. I have to say, they are getting on my damn nerves! Last week, if you remember, the had a chance to finally get ahead of Abbie and Ryan, who YET AGAIN got the shaft in Frankfurt, but they decided to "stay and work together". ARGH!!! Do you want to win a million or what??? Fortunately Abbie and Ryan had been double whatevered and had to do both roadblocks/detours. I can't remember which is which without Phil telling me. Gawd, I thought the Goats were gonna wait for them for finish! But, alas, the bogus "this season is for 2 million dollars" marketing ploy is kapput.
Teams have to fly from Amsterdam to Barcelona,Spain and take an OVERNIGHT ferry to the Isle of Mallorca. Twins have a big advantage and get a 6 am flight, next team gets a 7:20 flight, followed by a 7:55 flight. No idea what time the Goats got a flight BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER since they have ALL DAY in Spain to lay on the beach and relax. Twins, Lexi/Trey and the Chips are all happy to be together and playing in the ocean.
They all meet at the ferry and these 3 teams are thrilled that the Goats beat out Abbie and Ryan, since everyone knows the Goats don't have the balls to win. Once in Mallorca they have to find a band of very strange and scary people pretending to be Devils and Demons. Yea, it's kinda freaky. The clue says they are to drive to Central de blah blah blah, which is a sports complex. The 3 amigos decide to follow each other, but the one TWINNIE who was supposed to learn stick thought it was easy and skipped her lessons. She can barely get out of the parking lot.
Once at the tennis complex, one member has to return 20 tennis balls, in bounds, because someone from Mallorca was a big deal tennis player.
Trey knows how to play tennis! The ball shooter thing goes really fast, and you only get one "bucket" of balls to get to 20, or you have to start over again. Trey does it on the first try. Next up is James, who's not the tennis player. It takes him 2 rounds to get to 20. Clue: Drive to the Cove de Campaneta.
Next to arrive are the Goats, and the tall Goat, with the bad ankle, chooses to play tennis. He obviously sucks. And he's lame ass, and he is such a whining moaner the little goat says he sounds just like Monica Seles. After the first or second round he has to sit drinking Evian and breathing hard.
Twins arrive then. And it's all COME ON TWINNIE, MOVE YOUR ASS TWINNIE. Apparently they skipped the tennis lessons their parents paid for as well. Goat dude gets his shit together and he gets done first.
At the coves, which are caves, teams have to find the music playing. Not really difficult but there are 2 dudes playing guitar and the don't stop or say anything. Clue: Detour: Spin it or Bull it. In spin it, teams have to repair a giant windmill; in bull it teams dress up as a bull and have to go around 8 matadors and butt a target at the end.
Both the Chips and Lexi/Trey decide to do the bull thing, but the Chips actually drive in the wrong direction and end up at the windmills. Lots of tawdry jokes about them dressing as construction workers in their jobs but they really did know how to put the windmill together. They finish first and are told to head to the Pitt stop, a 14th century castle.
Trey and Lexi do the bull thing, which requires one person to be the blind half of the bull and the one in back yelling which way to go. It's pretty easy and you have 2 minutes to get through it. At the final part, where the bull is supposed to just touch a target to release the bullfighter, Trey tells Lexi to run towards it, to ram it, and they crash into it. She cuts her finger and is totally PISSED OFF. They have to do it again.
It's a race the Pitt stop, but Trey/Lexi come in first place, followed by the Chips.
Down to Twins and Goats. Both choose to do the windmill, and the Twins are all cocky since they they think the guys are a bunch of weaklings. Turns out, owning a goat farm means you have to repair farm equipment all the time, and they kick ASS on it. Twins are hopelessly stupid, attached stuff wrong and just are lame.
Goats are team #3!! And, here come the Twins. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, Phil, give them the BOOT!!!
ACK!!!!!! Yet another non elimination leg!!! Twins are still in the race!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Good luck to the final 4!!!!!
1. Trey and Lexi Amy
2. Jaymes and James Joanne
3. Josh and Brent Susan
4. Natalie and Nadiya Jeff and Eileen
Out
11. Rob and Sheila Donna
10.Amy and Daniel Lori
9. Caitlin and Brittany Kevin and Matt
8. Gary and Will Karen and John
7. Rob and Kelley Elayne
6. James and Mark Betty
5. Abbie and Ryan Ginnie
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Survivor: Lisa comes alive!
Whoah, who gave Lisa caffeine? She's a little fighter!!
After last week, Jonathan feels betrayed by his alliance. He's pissed. Jeff is thinking perhaps it wasn't a good idea to give up power to Pete. Ya think so jackass??
Mike and Jon talk. Mike doesn't want him to give up. Says "there are cracks in their alliance. Let's just wait for them to screw themselves". Wise advice.
Lisa has a plan...or two...or three. First up is to get rid of Jon or Mike, then flip things so that they can get rid of Pete, Abi and Artis.
Reward challenge-something to interrupt the constant scheming. Split into 2 teams, swim out and get 4 buoys, get pulled back, dig up the key to the puzzle frame and then do a flag puzzle. Wanna know? A river cruise with ribs, cornbread, iced tea. LOL. I love how they gave up actually enjoying the local culture about 5 seasons ago.
Blue team is Mike, Pete, Artis, Abi and Carter vs the Yellow team of Denise, Malcolm, Lisa, Jeff and Jonathan. I wonder if they got to chose their own teams? So, it's neck and neck and then Lisa sucks at swimming. Denise makes up the time and then Mike can't find his buoy. The blue team gets to the puzzle first but yellow crushes it and wins reward. NOTE: the patterns on the yellow flag are MUCH EASIER TO DIFFERENTIATE.
Back on the beach, Abi is asked who is in their alliance and she spouts off a bunch of information which pisses Pete off. He says she's immature and just leaks information. He'd love to get rid of her but anyone standing next to her at the end is guaranteed a million dollars. So, we have officially entered the "let's keep the total dicks" portion of the game.
On reward, they are all happy happy happy to be together, because Pete, Abi and Artis have a reputation as being negative complainers. But the winners are all happy and nice! LOL. Jon says he doesn't want to see bullies win, so he's willing to go with any of the 4 on the reward with him. He's scrambling surely.
Lisa's new plan is to go into the final with people who are not really well liked and nice, ie, Abi, Pete and Artis, and Mike because he is her buddy. She tells Mike that Malcolm has the idol. She wants Tandang to hold together.
It all depends on immunity.
Immunity Challenge: Only 1 idol this time around. 2 phase challenge. First is an obstacle course, second is a puzzle challenge for the 3 winners of the first round.
First round.....Pete, Jeff and Jon. Moving onto the snake puzzle, it's Jeff and Pete until BAM Jonathan pulls ahead and wins his first ever immunity. NOTE: he had the yellow snake pieces which had much clearer patterns. I'm totally saying it is a conspiracy.
Soooooo. All plans are off now and it's time to scramble. First it's Mike. Jeff says, 'sorry Mike". Then Lisa tells Pete about Malcolm and the idol. Says they should blindside him at tribal. Pete is totally surprised, and asks Malcolm about it. Malcolm says he doesn't have the idol and asks where he heard it. Lisa. Pete tells Malcolm he can save him if they go with Jeff.
Lisa confronts Pete about telling Malcolm and he's all wishy washy. Suddenly there are 6 people intending to vote for Pete. Jeff tells Carter everyone is voting for Pete and Carter says, "dude, I thought it was you...".
Total scramble!
Tribal council:
Mike, is it you? Not sure since I heard people talking today...
Malcolm: Lisa totally there me under the bus.
Probst: Lisa???
Lisa: Yep. I did.
Abi: One of our tribe members just screwed us.
Lisa: But you were OK with getting rid of Mike
Abi: He was always on the outside. Our alliance is Pete, me, Artis and you.
Malcolm: Say WHAT??
Abi: Oh yea, I probably wasn't supposed to say that.
Lisa: I was trying to get the idol out. I was playing both sides but my alliance is tandang.
Malcolm: Yo, I totally have the idol and I'm totally playing it.
Probst: Anyone else have an idol??
Abi: I do Jeff.
What a total idiot. So now everyone shares the various plans and it's all out in the open.
Time to vote:
Abi 1
Pete 4
Jeff 5
And just like that I will not be winning any Survivor pool this time around!
After last week, Jonathan feels betrayed by his alliance. He's pissed. Jeff is thinking perhaps it wasn't a good idea to give up power to Pete. Ya think so jackass??
Mike and Jon talk. Mike doesn't want him to give up. Says "there are cracks in their alliance. Let's just wait for them to screw themselves". Wise advice.
Lisa has a plan...or two...or three. First up is to get rid of Jon or Mike, then flip things so that they can get rid of Pete, Abi and Artis.
Reward challenge-something to interrupt the constant scheming. Split into 2 teams, swim out and get 4 buoys, get pulled back, dig up the key to the puzzle frame and then do a flag puzzle. Wanna know? A river cruise with ribs, cornbread, iced tea. LOL. I love how they gave up actually enjoying the local culture about 5 seasons ago.
Blue team is Mike, Pete, Artis, Abi and Carter vs the Yellow team of Denise, Malcolm, Lisa, Jeff and Jonathan. I wonder if they got to chose their own teams? So, it's neck and neck and then Lisa sucks at swimming. Denise makes up the time and then Mike can't find his buoy. The blue team gets to the puzzle first but yellow crushes it and wins reward. NOTE: the patterns on the yellow flag are MUCH EASIER TO DIFFERENTIATE.
Back on the beach, Abi is asked who is in their alliance and she spouts off a bunch of information which pisses Pete off. He says she's immature and just leaks information. He'd love to get rid of her but anyone standing next to her at the end is guaranteed a million dollars. So, we have officially entered the "let's keep the total dicks" portion of the game.
On reward, they are all happy happy happy to be together, because Pete, Abi and Artis have a reputation as being negative complainers. But the winners are all happy and nice! LOL. Jon says he doesn't want to see bullies win, so he's willing to go with any of the 4 on the reward with him. He's scrambling surely.
Lisa's new plan is to go into the final with people who are not really well liked and nice, ie, Abi, Pete and Artis, and Mike because he is her buddy. She tells Mike that Malcolm has the idol. She wants Tandang to hold together.
It all depends on immunity.
Immunity Challenge: Only 1 idol this time around. 2 phase challenge. First is an obstacle course, second is a puzzle challenge for the 3 winners of the first round.
First round.....Pete, Jeff and Jon. Moving onto the snake puzzle, it's Jeff and Pete until BAM Jonathan pulls ahead and wins his first ever immunity. NOTE: he had the yellow snake pieces which had much clearer patterns. I'm totally saying it is a conspiracy.
Soooooo. All plans are off now and it's time to scramble. First it's Mike. Jeff says, 'sorry Mike". Then Lisa tells Pete about Malcolm and the idol. Says they should blindside him at tribal. Pete is totally surprised, and asks Malcolm about it. Malcolm says he doesn't have the idol and asks where he heard it. Lisa. Pete tells Malcolm he can save him if they go with Jeff.
Lisa confronts Pete about telling Malcolm and he's all wishy washy. Suddenly there are 6 people intending to vote for Pete. Jeff tells Carter everyone is voting for Pete and Carter says, "dude, I thought it was you...".
Total scramble!
Tribal council:
Mike, is it you? Not sure since I heard people talking today...
Malcolm: Lisa totally there me under the bus.
Probst: Lisa???
Lisa: Yep. I did.
Abi: One of our tribe members just screwed us.
Lisa: But you were OK with getting rid of Mike
Abi: He was always on the outside. Our alliance is Pete, me, Artis and you.
Malcolm: Say WHAT??
Abi: Oh yea, I probably wasn't supposed to say that.
Lisa: I was trying to get the idol out. I was playing both sides but my alliance is tandang.
Malcolm: Yo, I totally have the idol and I'm totally playing it.
Probst: Anyone else have an idol??
Abi: I do Jeff.
What a total idiot. So now everyone shares the various plans and it's all out in the open.
Time to vote:
Abi 1
Pete 4
Jeff 5
And just like that I will not be winning any Survivor pool this time around!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Survivor Non Election Edition
Yo!!!
Who's up for a little NON HURRICANE Survivor? I KNOW Karen Sellman
is!! She was observed around last Thursday trying to start a fire with
John's glasses and a handful of Chihuahua hair.
So, yo. Last week there was no update. 2 tribes. Yellow and Red. Yellow doesn't have much food. Probably because freaking Michael eats it RAW. Challenge: Giant ball that looks like a rubber band ball, 3 per tribe have to push it around in the mud. WORST CHALLENGE IN THE HISTORY OF SURVIVOR. It's so freaking lame that an hour later they are all still stuck in the mud going nowhere. Kudos, though, for Lisa in keeping Denise pinned in the mud. Jonathan and Michael start to negotiate. Jonathan offers their remaining rice for the win. Michael takes it, with RC's support and no one except Artis and the Brazilian really arguing against it. They take the deal, Red goes off to eat and Abi, Pete and Artis are totally pissed off. Blah blah blah, immunity challenge-Malcolm (with Lisa's help) kick ass in the chucking and catching contest and Red goes to tribal once again. There's Penner drama but ultimately Katie is voted off.
Phew. Ok. Last week. Boat arrives, it's the merge. So that rice thing totally worked out. Both tribes go to a new beach, eat food and if they renamed themselves I totally missed that. Jeff is upset that there are now 2 veterans he has to be pissed off about. But let's face it, he's also PISSED off that no one recognizes him as the baseball hero. Maybe he should stand around picking at his crotch so they figure it out.
I'm already confused so bare with me. The Yellow tribe consists of:
Michael
RC
Lisa
Pete
Abi
Artis
Malcolm
Red is: Penner, Jeff. Denise. Carter
So it's basically a 7-4 split which would favor the yellow tribe to pick off the red tribe. But Michael and RC are on the outs, Lisa is in la la land although I think she would go along with Michael and RC, which leaves the Pete/Abi horror show and the always angry Artis. Malcolm is still in the air but is really aligned with Denise over on red. Jeff is aligned with Carter, says he is with Penner and a Denise is kinda aligned with him.
Everyone starts building shelter and Lisa, who is totally into the laundry and who I totally wish lived near me, decides to go into everyone's stuff and hang the clothes out to dry. She finds Malcolm's idol, and he sees her do it. Malcolm tells Denise and then he goes to confront Lisa. She's all "I totally didn't meant it" and he believes her. He offers her an alliance with Denise and him but he's worried that he's now aligned with 2 people who could beat him at the end. "Hallelujah the church lady found my idol". LOL.
Penner is old enough to recognize Lisa. They have a little bonding session, and some strange talk about how they would be friends if they sat down and had lunch and talked about their lives. Whatever, I walked the dog during this part.
Strategizing has begun. RC and Mike talk-we really aren't aligned with the rest of yellow so why not approach the red team? Mike talks to Jeff.
Jeff is working the other side of the yellow tribe-he and Carter (aka Blue Lagoon) are talking with Pete, Malcolm and Artis against Penner. They wonder if Penner has the idol and come up with an idea for a 4-4 split between Penner and RC to flush out the idol.
Challenge: It's a hang on to you can't thing. Hold a rope spool with a bucket holding 25% of your weight in water. My husband got all hung up on "was that their prior weight or did they just weigh them??" Yea, he's annoying that way. Immunity for one male and one female.
Denise of course gets the female immunity. Male comes down to Jeff and Blue Lagoon. Seriously, that dude is buying ganja from the natives. Jeff says to Carter "I drop and u owe me one". Carter says "Whatever dude, sure". No idea if they actually made a deal but Jeff drops out giving the stoner immunity.
Back at camp. I keep getting confused! Mike and RC say they will line up with the Red tribe to make 6. But Mike is worried that as they do that, Jeff and Carter will align with Abi/Artis/Pete and Malcolm. Mike doesn't want Pete/Artis or Abi to get the upper hand because they are "rude". Jeff and Carter realize that they are the swing votes tonight. If they stick with Mike and RC they can get rid of Penner. If they go with the rude yellow alliance they end up at the bottom of the group. Penner walks up and says, "yo I'm loyal and am hoping y'all are too". We should take out Pete and take control of the game. Which is really a good idea in my mind UNLESS you are obsessed with Penner going home. So of course Jeff tells Pete he and Carter are with them.
You have NO IDEA how long that last paragraph took me to write. LOL.
Tribal
Is there animosity in the yellow tribe? RC says, sure but we're all one big happy family. Uhuh, but only one of you can win. Abi's all "that bitch betrayed me". RC is all "no I didn't" Abi "yes you did you unburied the clue" "Did not". Abi: "Your actions speak louder than your words". BITCH GO BACK TO BRAZIL.
Probst ends this exchange and Lisa points out both the plus and the minuses of switching your alliance. If you switch you look like you aren't loyal BUT you might move up the food chain. I think she has finally gotten her Survivor legs.
Pete then bags on the returning players.
Jeff: Either way there is gonna be a blindside
Vote. Penner plays the idol.
Penner 5
RC 4
Pete 2
RC is voted off. Only RC and Penner vote for Pete. Jeff and Carter vote with Pete and Artis to take out Carter thereby switching their alliance. Everyone else votes for Penner.
Carter Carolyn Tess
Jeff Elayne Susan
Jonathan Joanne Betty
Abi Connie Nikki
Michael John Wendy
Lisa Jill Kim
Pete Lori Annemarie
Artis Leslie Stephanie
Malcolm Nancy Donna/John
OUT
So, yo. Last week there was no update. 2 tribes. Yellow and Red. Yellow doesn't have much food. Probably because freaking Michael eats it RAW. Challenge: Giant ball that looks like a rubber band ball, 3 per tribe have to push it around in the mud. WORST CHALLENGE IN THE HISTORY OF SURVIVOR. It's so freaking lame that an hour later they are all still stuck in the mud going nowhere. Kudos, though, for Lisa in keeping Denise pinned in the mud. Jonathan and Michael start to negotiate. Jonathan offers their remaining rice for the win. Michael takes it, with RC's support and no one except Artis and the Brazilian really arguing against it. They take the deal, Red goes off to eat and Abi, Pete and Artis are totally pissed off. Blah blah blah, immunity challenge-Malcolm (with Lisa's help) kick ass in the chucking and catching contest and Red goes to tribal once again. There's Penner drama but ultimately Katie is voted off.
Phew. Ok. Last week. Boat arrives, it's the merge. So that rice thing totally worked out. Both tribes go to a new beach, eat food and if they renamed themselves I totally missed that. Jeff is upset that there are now 2 veterans he has to be pissed off about. But let's face it, he's also PISSED off that no one recognizes him as the baseball hero. Maybe he should stand around picking at his crotch so they figure it out.
I'm already confused so bare with me. The Yellow tribe consists of:
Michael
RC
Lisa
Pete
Abi
Artis
Malcolm
Red is: Penner, Jeff. Denise. Carter
So it's basically a 7-4 split which would favor the yellow tribe to pick off the red tribe. But Michael and RC are on the outs, Lisa is in la la land although I think she would go along with Michael and RC, which leaves the Pete/Abi horror show and the always angry Artis. Malcolm is still in the air but is really aligned with Denise over on red. Jeff is aligned with Carter, says he is with Penner and a Denise is kinda aligned with him.
Everyone starts building shelter and Lisa, who is totally into the laundry and who I totally wish lived near me, decides to go into everyone's stuff and hang the clothes out to dry. She finds Malcolm's idol, and he sees her do it. Malcolm tells Denise and then he goes to confront Lisa. She's all "I totally didn't meant it" and he believes her. He offers her an alliance with Denise and him but he's worried that he's now aligned with 2 people who could beat him at the end. "Hallelujah the church lady found my idol". LOL.
Penner is old enough to recognize Lisa. They have a little bonding session, and some strange talk about how they would be friends if they sat down and had lunch and talked about their lives. Whatever, I walked the dog during this part.
Strategizing has begun. RC and Mike talk-we really aren't aligned with the rest of yellow so why not approach the red team? Mike talks to Jeff.
Jeff is working the other side of the yellow tribe-he and Carter (aka Blue Lagoon) are talking with Pete, Malcolm and Artis against Penner. They wonder if Penner has the idol and come up with an idea for a 4-4 split between Penner and RC to flush out the idol.
Challenge: It's a hang on to you can't thing. Hold a rope spool with a bucket holding 25% of your weight in water. My husband got all hung up on "was that their prior weight or did they just weigh them??" Yea, he's annoying that way. Immunity for one male and one female.
Denise of course gets the female immunity. Male comes down to Jeff and Blue Lagoon. Seriously, that dude is buying ganja from the natives. Jeff says to Carter "I drop and u owe me one". Carter says "Whatever dude, sure". No idea if they actually made a deal but Jeff drops out giving the stoner immunity.
Back at camp. I keep getting confused! Mike and RC say they will line up with the Red tribe to make 6. But Mike is worried that as they do that, Jeff and Carter will align with Abi/Artis/Pete and Malcolm. Mike doesn't want Pete/Artis or Abi to get the upper hand because they are "rude". Jeff and Carter realize that they are the swing votes tonight. If they stick with Mike and RC they can get rid of Penner. If they go with the rude yellow alliance they end up at the bottom of the group. Penner walks up and says, "yo I'm loyal and am hoping y'all are too". We should take out Pete and take control of the game. Which is really a good idea in my mind UNLESS you are obsessed with Penner going home. So of course Jeff tells Pete he and Carter are with them.
You have NO IDEA how long that last paragraph took me to write. LOL.
Tribal
Is there animosity in the yellow tribe? RC says, sure but we're all one big happy family. Uhuh, but only one of you can win. Abi's all "that bitch betrayed me". RC is all "no I didn't" Abi "yes you did you unburied the clue" "Did not". Abi: "Your actions speak louder than your words". BITCH GO BACK TO BRAZIL.
Probst ends this exchange and Lisa points out both the plus and the minuses of switching your alliance. If you switch you look like you aren't loyal BUT you might move up the food chain. I think she has finally gotten her Survivor legs.
Pete then bags on the returning players.
Jeff: Either way there is gonna be a blindside
Vote. Penner plays the idol.
Penner 5
RC 4
Pete 2
RC is voted off. Only RC and Penner vote for Pete. Jeff and Carter vote with Pete and Artis to take out Carter thereby switching their alliance. Everyone else votes for Penner.
Carter Carolyn Tess
Jeff Elayne Susan
Jonathan Joanne Betty
Abi Connie Nikki
Michael John Wendy
Lisa Jill Kim
Pete Lori Annemarie
Artis Leslie Stephanie
Malcolm Nancy Donna/John
Zane
Kelly Donna/John (now alt 1)
Roxy Cindy Becky (now alt 2)
Angie Kelly Donna
Russell Amy Becky
Dawson Jeff/Eileen Sandy
Dana Cindy Liz
Katie Stacey Rachel
RC Kevin/Matt Ron
Roxy Cindy Becky (now alt 2)
Angie Kelly Donna
Russell Amy Becky
Dawson Jeff/Eileen Sandy
Dana Cindy Liz
Katie Stacey Rachel
RC Kevin/Matt Ron
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Survivor: Greatest Comeback Ever?
Oeoooooeoeoeoeeeoooeoeoeoeoeee
Someday I am going to figure out what the hell the lyrics are. Or I'm going to make some up. Personally I think it was the sound the natives on season 1 made when they saw the great white Probst.
So, the Philippines is not a place you want to go for your honeymoon because it apparently has miserable weather.
This week: Will Matsing continue to SUCK or not? They're down to 3 people, and no fire. Russell predicts it's gonna be the GREATEST COMEBACK IN SURVIVOR HISTORY. Uhuh.
Yellow: Man that Abi Brazilian chick is a whack job. Seriously, if the whole country of Brazil is like her driving must be INSANE. She and her 5 minutes into the game BFF may not be so F anymore. Pete says he wants to cause chaos to keep people off guard. He actually plants the clue in RC's spilled bag so Abi could exclaim "WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR BAG RC" and totally sabotage her. It's what I always say, RC, beware the first person in the dorm or the office that's overly friendly. They're always the insane one.
Red: So Jeff knows that Jonathan has the idol, and apparently that has changed his mind about getting rid of Jonathan first. In fact, he does the whole bro thing and they form an alliance while "fishing" for giant clams. They call over Carter-who is it me? or does Carter look EXACTLY like the dumb blonde kid from the Blue Lagoon?? Anyway, they shake hands and it's a boy alliance. Which leads the girls to form their own alliance.
Blue: Malcolm thinks Russell has met his low expectations. Says he has no self awareness but they need him for his muscles. Russell is suspicious of Malcolm and Denise since neither has approached him to form an alliance. He decides to go back to looking for the idol, and Denise catches him digging near camp. Hmmmmm. She and Malcolm wonder if he has the idol so they go through his stuff.
Yellow: the wild Brazilian insanity continues. RC tries to talk to Abi who is all "I'm not a gonna talka to yoos". Pete is sucking it up.
Challenge: Only 3 people from each tribe get to do this one because of Matsux. Each person has to carry 2 pots of rice through an obstacle course, placing them on stands. Then one person on the tribe gets to smash them. Wanna know what you're playing for? Steak and veggies, or veggies and spices. Either can be exchanged for a tarp. Yellow and Red go with all men teams.
First off, the Blue Lagoon dude is just freaking awful. He smashes a pot right away, and falls on the obstacle course. So Red is falling behind. Blue, surprisingly is ahead for a while until the Yellow team gets their shit together. Once it's Denise's turn, Blue falls behind them. Red is pathetic.
On to the smashing part. Yellow kicks ass and wins First Immunity. It's down to the blue and red teams, with Malcolm and Jeff throwing. It's down to ONE POT LEFT for each of them. Malcolm swings and misses...Jeff swings and misses...Malcolm swings and misses...Jeff swings and tips the pot....AND SURVIVOR GOES ALL SLOW MOTION as the pot shatters. Red wins second immunity. AND OF COURSE RUSSELL LOSES IT. He smashes the final pot, and starts yelling "LORD HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND". Everyone is just looking over with embarrassment.
Probst: Dude, what is your problem?? You ain't a superhero, you're just a guy
Russell: That's just it, God made me in his image and I should never fail. It pisses me off to fail
Ok then. The red team decides to forgo the veggies and take the tarp.
Back on misery beach, the scheming begins. Malcolm tells Russell to "vote out Denise, we need to keep the athletes together".
Denise and Russell talk. Denise is a really good therapist, as she gets Russell to reveal some story about getting jumped and beat up as a little kid, and going to school scared. Then he runs into one of the kids that jumped him and he flat out decks the kid, who begins to cry. So, I'm all waiting for the whole redemption story, how he felt bad and realized we are all just frail children who act out but are good people, and how that kid became his best friend in life. Instead he came to the conclusion to never back down and be afraid of anything. Hmmmmm. Anyway, Denise gives him a story about getting rid of Malcolm because he is a big social threat, and Russell EATS IT UP. He thinks he's the swing vote.
Tribal. What will happen???
Denise: It's crazy Jeff
Malcolm: Ain't no telling what's gonna happen
Russell: Yea, I over reacted but it's a mindset. I talked to Dr. Denise and I realized I'm good. Nothing wrong with me. Nope.
Malcolm: Yes, Jeff, I decided to throw the thingy at the pots and I blew it. Thanks for pointing THAT out at tribal
Why you??
Denise: I'm strong physically and socially
Malcolm: I'm stronger, and younger and taller
Russell: He's a young threat. I'm still a competitor with experience.
Why get rid of Denise? She's perfect, and at the end of the game in addition to voting for her people will be writing her personal checks to help with the taxes on that million dollars. LOL.
Vote. Any idols? Nope. Bye bye Russell.
Someday I am going to figure out what the hell the lyrics are. Or I'm going to make some up. Personally I think it was the sound the natives on season 1 made when they saw the great white Probst.
So, the Philippines is not a place you want to go for your honeymoon because it apparently has miserable weather.
This week: Will Matsing continue to SUCK or not? They're down to 3 people, and no fire. Russell predicts it's gonna be the GREATEST COMEBACK IN SURVIVOR HISTORY. Uhuh.
Yellow: Man that Abi Brazilian chick is a whack job. Seriously, if the whole country of Brazil is like her driving must be INSANE. She and her 5 minutes into the game BFF may not be so F anymore. Pete says he wants to cause chaos to keep people off guard. He actually plants the clue in RC's spilled bag so Abi could exclaim "WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR BAG RC" and totally sabotage her. It's what I always say, RC, beware the first person in the dorm or the office that's overly friendly. They're always the insane one.
Red: So Jeff knows that Jonathan has the idol, and apparently that has changed his mind about getting rid of Jonathan first. In fact, he does the whole bro thing and they form an alliance while "fishing" for giant clams. They call over Carter-who is it me? or does Carter look EXACTLY like the dumb blonde kid from the Blue Lagoon?? Anyway, they shake hands and it's a boy alliance. Which leads the girls to form their own alliance.
Blue: Malcolm thinks Russell has met his low expectations. Says he has no self awareness but they need him for his muscles. Russell is suspicious of Malcolm and Denise since neither has approached him to form an alliance. He decides to go back to looking for the idol, and Denise catches him digging near camp. Hmmmmm. She and Malcolm wonder if he has the idol so they go through his stuff.
Yellow: the wild Brazilian insanity continues. RC tries to talk to Abi who is all "I'm not a gonna talka to yoos". Pete is sucking it up.
Challenge: Only 3 people from each tribe get to do this one because of Matsux. Each person has to carry 2 pots of rice through an obstacle course, placing them on stands. Then one person on the tribe gets to smash them. Wanna know what you're playing for? Steak and veggies, or veggies and spices. Either can be exchanged for a tarp. Yellow and Red go with all men teams.
First off, the Blue Lagoon dude is just freaking awful. He smashes a pot right away, and falls on the obstacle course. So Red is falling behind. Blue, surprisingly is ahead for a while until the Yellow team gets their shit together. Once it's Denise's turn, Blue falls behind them. Red is pathetic.
On to the smashing part. Yellow kicks ass and wins First Immunity. It's down to the blue and red teams, with Malcolm and Jeff throwing. It's down to ONE POT LEFT for each of them. Malcolm swings and misses...Jeff swings and misses...Malcolm swings and misses...Jeff swings and tips the pot....AND SURVIVOR GOES ALL SLOW MOTION as the pot shatters. Red wins second immunity. AND OF COURSE RUSSELL LOSES IT. He smashes the final pot, and starts yelling "LORD HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND". Everyone is just looking over with embarrassment.
Probst: Dude, what is your problem?? You ain't a superhero, you're just a guy
Russell: That's just it, God made me in his image and I should never fail. It pisses me off to fail
Ok then. The red team decides to forgo the veggies and take the tarp.
Back on misery beach, the scheming begins. Malcolm tells Russell to "vote out Denise, we need to keep the athletes together".
Denise and Russell talk. Denise is a really good therapist, as she gets Russell to reveal some story about getting jumped and beat up as a little kid, and going to school scared. Then he runs into one of the kids that jumped him and he flat out decks the kid, who begins to cry. So, I'm all waiting for the whole redemption story, how he felt bad and realized we are all just frail children who act out but are good people, and how that kid became his best friend in life. Instead he came to the conclusion to never back down and be afraid of anything. Hmmmmm. Anyway, Denise gives him a story about getting rid of Malcolm because he is a big social threat, and Russell EATS IT UP. He thinks he's the swing vote.
Tribal. What will happen???
Denise: It's crazy Jeff
Malcolm: Ain't no telling what's gonna happen
Russell: Yea, I over reacted but it's a mindset. I talked to Dr. Denise and I realized I'm good. Nothing wrong with me. Nope.
Malcolm: Yes, Jeff, I decided to throw the thingy at the pots and I blew it. Thanks for pointing THAT out at tribal
Why you??
Denise: I'm strong physically and socially
Malcolm: I'm stronger, and younger and taller
Russell: He's a young threat. I'm still a competitor with experience.
Why get rid of Denise? She's perfect, and at the end of the game in addition to voting for her people will be writing her personal checks to help with the taxes on that million dollars. LOL.
Vote. Any idols? Nope. Bye bye Russell.
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