NO COLLUSION!  THERE IS NO COLLUSION GOING ON BETWEEN LESU AND KAMA!!

Ok, now that I have your attention, everyone colluded last week to get rid of Julia in an epic tribal.  And we are now at the post-apocalyptic Survivor.  Wardog talks to Ron about how Aurora 'really blew the game up".  He asks, "so, tribal lines are done right??  You wanna make a completely new 6 person alliance??"  Wardog is thinking his W/K/L alliance joining with Ron, Julie and adding in a little Gavin for some young hipness.  LOL.  Because Gavin is so hip.  "First vote should be easy and should be Aurora."

And then we cut to Aurora who is bemoaning how she ruined her game.  Goes on about how she was in foster care, blah blah, and is used to having no friends.  I guess she learned to hate soccer moms in foster care.....

Bang.  Immunity challenge.  Whaaaat??  It's the crouch with a bar on your shoulders and stay there one.  I'd be out in less time than it would take for Jeff to say 'GO".  If you feel safe you can sit out and eat pizza and root beer.  Me?  I'd be EATING A CRAP LOAD OF PIZZA.  Lauren, Victoria, Wardog and Ron sit out and eat the shitty looking microwave pizza.  Aurora holds on with her foster care toughness and wins immunity.  Everyone is unhappy about that, especially Julie who is apparently her nemesis.  

The new alliance of 6 need to pow wow.  So, should we go with David, Rick or Victoria?  Gavin wants David gone.  Wardog is all in with David although he now realizes he has never worked with Ron and Julie...

David and Rick talk.  They think Wardog is a good choice-break up the power trio.  They also think Victoria is on the outs.  Rick talks to Victoria and suggests he and David form an alliance with her, Julie, Ron and Aurora.  David talks to Aurora and she says she would like to break up the Lesu 3.  She says she never in a million years thought she'd be reduced to working with David and Rich.

David and Rick talk to Julia and ask "why are people keeping the power trio??"  Julie is nervous of her new 6 person alliance because Wardog is calling the shots.  

Julie talks to Ron, and points out they are in the middle of everyone.  Which do we want as our final 6?  Ron says he is good with the Lesu 3 but Julie thinks the 3 are way too strong and that Wardog could win.  However she doesn't trust David.   Julie says it depends on Ron.  

Tribal

David says it's a new game now

Julia says she and Ron were on the bottom and she's glad they did what they did.  Says she's now playing her game

Rick says, of course we approached her

Wardog points out how loyal he is by saying he and his girls voted together 8 times

Rick points out this is why they want to be left as final 3

Ron says Wardog is doing to hard of a hard sell

David says he is loyal and everyone laughs.

David says this is either an easy vote or a hard vote and the easy vote could end everyone's game.

Kelley says she knows what David is doing and she's confident about the new group formed.

Vote: Wardog 2, David 7 and is out.  He's still smiling though!

On edge, David is the new guy and immediately they get a message in a bottle.  "Extinction offers purpose, jagged and smooth.  When you're at your most hollow you find blah blah blah.

David is all "I'm still in game mood" and he takes off. Eric thinks it's at the rice bucket and he takes off.  Nope. Chris and Joe think it's at the mast and are also wrong.  David thinks it's in the rocks and he finds an advantage allowing him to help someone still in the game.  

Bang.  Another immunity challenge.  This one is a balance thing with a paddle and 5 balls that have to sit on little dimples.  Like the kids game.  Rick says he got a present from David and his advantage is to only need to get 4 balls in.  Rick ends up winning immunity.  

Julie thinks it's finally time to get rid of her nemesis, Aurora who is "dangerous and a challenge beast".  Tonight is our chance!

Kelley says Rick is so dangerous AND is now getting help "from the other side".  

Wardog says this should be an easy vote BUUUUUUUT, maybe they should take Kelley out.  Wardog talks to Aurora, Victoria and Rick about blindsiding Kelley.  He needs Ron... He talks to Ron and his justification is that they can't get a returnee get to the final.  Ron is like WHAT THE DAMN HELL???  Wardog is so unpredictable!! If Aurora doesn't go home Julie is gonna lose her mind.  

Kelley says she is finally in the majority alliance but is still glad she has an idol!  

Aurora talks to Victoria-asks if she believes Wardog.  Aurora has an extra vote coupon still and for some reason decides to use it to curry favor with Ron.  She offers to let him hold it for her I guess so he knows she isn't going to use it.  

Ron has to decide to work with Julia or Aurora.  

Tribal

Jeff asks Rick "when do you know when it's you" and he says 'when it all feels to easy"

Victoria says she has been in very little conversations since the immunity challenge.  

Ron says once people get the taste of a blindside they want more.  "I think we're set tonight though".

Kelley agrees that a blindside every time isn't good

Wardog points out that she agreed last week to do a blindside.

Victoria says "you need to start thinking about who you want to sit next to"

Kelley points out that you still in fact need to get to the final

Julie says this season has had very little idols played-they looked but couldn't find one

Ron says "if you are in an alliance and are still going balls to the wall aggressive it's dangerous"

Julia says this is an easy vote and there's no need for drama.  

Vote.

Idols?  Nope.

Aurora gets 4 votes and Kelley gets 5.  "Wow, whole lotta lying going on!!"  

 

Most Insane Tribal Ever!!

5

5 times

5 times is how many times I have watched this tribal to understand completely what happened.

Just for you all :)

Also I think this is one of the most pivotal moments in this season, which I have realized isn't giving rise to a lot of funny updates!  Anyway I wrote up a completely different summary and then thought I needed to rewatch the tribal, so now I am completely changing this update!

So basically I think we need to go back and understand the dynamics of where we are in order to handle this episode-and y'all might be totally getting this already and not needing the remedial educating but here goes!

Where we are is 2 original tribes, with the first one, Lesu, kind of disorganized as hell.  There are basically 5 of them left, with 3 of them- Wardog, Kelley and Lauren basically  Siamese triplets having one head.  Which is good for The Wardog because when he looks full on into the camera it's clear there's not much of his brain there.  Among the original Lesu's there are also David and Rick which, in current Survivor fashion formed an alliance about 6 seconds in.   When Rick was voted off and then brought back he basically change his alliance to the other original tribe, the Kama.  Since then Rick and David have been a bit on the outs yet they are still connected through joint custody of 2 halves of an idol, and the fact that David is 1) a very forgiving person and 2) someone without a lot of other friends.  As someone said last tribal, the problem with Lesu is that they can't get their shit together and function as one-even though they have been down in the numbers from the merge.  

The other group playing a completely other game is Kama STRONG.  This consists of now 6 people because they have been eating their own since the merge.  There is Ron and Julie, who are basically the older parents, and then the youngsters Gavin, Julia, Aurora and Victoria.  They have been working with Rick recently although they suffered a pretty big split last week when G/J/A/V broke off and worked with W/K/L to get rid of Eric-who with Ron were running the game.  It was a massive break from Kama Strong and appeared to be a "game change".  

So this week begins post Eric's ouster and Ron and Julie are pissed, for the loss of Eric but particularly in Julie's case she is pissed that they didn't give her the information and she found herself basically lied to and left hung out to dry.  This basically is the entire theme of this episode and could be Kama Strong's down fall.  Ron is mostly just "screw it, I'm going to be a passenger from now on".  Gavin tries to smooth things over with him basically with the old "I wanted to stand up and get noticed for my resume by throwing the first punch".  

W/K/L are wondering where things stand with them now and thinking perhaps they have convinced the Kama Kids to join them.  Gavin pledges his undying loyalty to them and says that he can bring Victoria and Julia along with him.  

Rick and David are still in couples therapy and wondering how they can move forward in this new game.  David appears to be on the fence without any strong alliance.  David and Rick decide their best option is to re-establish trust with Ron and Julie who are pissed with the Kama's.  

David and Rick talk to Ron and Julie at the watering hole and they discuss being a voting block of 4.  Julie is very adamant that she is DONE WITH KAMA STRONG.  Julie has a meltdown, saying her game is completely upended and she doesn't know who she should trust anymore.  They're discussing who could join them and work with them and they throw out Aurora or the Wardog group?  Julie is VERY EMPHATIC that Julia is very strong and very strategic and she says those Kama Kids think they are going to be the final 4.  

Gavin talks to Julia and suggests the plan should be them, plus Victoria and the W/K/L group to get rid of David.  Gavin is especially set on David going home.  They're all standing around with Kelley and Lauren discussing it and Lauren keeps pushing for Ron to go not David.  Julia is a bit concerned by this and decides she needs to re-visit the social game of everyone.  She realizes that the W/K/L group is a very strong alliance and isn't sure how the 6 would mix.  

Immunity Challenge-it comes down to Gavin and David and Gavin wins.  He now thinks he can say that "I'm the reason David went home tonight" on his resume.  LOL, this resume padding shit reminds me of one I got from a recent college graduate that actually listed membership in the Smithsonian institute as an attribute-he basically paid the membership that gets you the magazine and a membership card.  Still makes me laugh. 

Once back at camp everyone scrambles to their current alliances leaving David, Rick and Julia at camp.  Rick tries to break up the new Kama Kids/ Lesu 3 alliance by pitching how strong the W/K/L group is. He makes the same pitch to Gavin and then to Victoria and is trying to be patient with this new alliance breaking down.  

Kelley and Lauren are afraid if they work with the Kama Kids to get rid of David then Kama Strong could get back together and they 3 would be in even worse shape.  Lauren keeps pushing for Ron over David, making the point that Ron has way more connections in the game than David does.  Lauren makes her case to Julia, who is now all worried why the Lesu 3 are so adamant about Ron over David, thinking now they are trying to bamboozle them to get rid of another Kama and keep David.  Julia is now wondering if they should go back to Kama Strong.  She talks to Victoria who wants to get rid of Kelley- "get rid of the queen and the hive will collapse".  

Ron is like, whatever you want.  Julie doesn't believe anything anyone is telling her.  

Ron, Victoria,Gavin and Julie talks about who Kama Strong would go after and they say Kelley.  Gavin pitches a fit because he wants David and isn't getting his way, screaming DICTATORSHIP, which is apparently millennial for "I did not get my way".  

They're all eating and it's dead quiet.  David says his spidey sense is telling him it's him.  He talks to Rick about it and he agrees so they decide the 2 part idol should be used for him tonight.  Also during the quiet dinner Julia gives Kelley the big nod and indicates that she's all on board with them.  Kelley is weirded out by it and is very confused because although Julia is basically giving her the heads up, neither Victoria or Aurora will talk to her.  Kelley says her gut is telling her to play her idol.  

And then we go to tribal and it's not even 8:30!!!

Soooooo, to recap the recap we go into tribal with 2 potential plans, each based upon where GVJA come down.  Plan 1 is WKL join with GVAJ to vote out David.  Plan 2 is Kama Strong comes back together to vote out Kelley.  David and Ron are basically left out and Ron and Julie think it's plan 2 but Julie doesn't trust that's true.  

So right out of the gate Jeff brings up the blindside and Julie says she is still mad about being on the wrong side of it and she doesn't trust anyone. Aurora, in her first speaking role, says that you can't really bring a lot of people into a blindside, and she points out that the time before other people were also left out so there could be a blindside.

Wardog's expression is priceless as he points out that she basically said "last time we needed to use people to take out Eric, and this time we are using people to take out someone else".  And he asks her "is it our plan or am I just a passenger on your plan?" Kelley agrees and says that's the vibe I'm getting too-I was trying to establish trust with people BUT I am also afraid Kama Strong is going to get back together so I'm not sure what's gonna happen tonight.  

David, in response to something Jeff asks him, says earlier today he was taking a poop in the water, watching a school of minnows swimming by when a shark came up and ate some of the minnows.  And he says that tonight it is likely that with a reconstituted Kama, a Lesu will be a minnow tonight.  

Jeff asks Devins if he's a minnow or a shark tonight and Devins says he might be the poop.  He says he has no idea what is going to happen-says 4 people were the hot date today (GVJA) and they were going to get back to us but they blew us off.  Gavin says they weren't avoiding them but people were breaking off and coming back with new plans all day.  

Julie melts down again, saying she feels like a lunatic but this game is so hard.  She says she's not in a clear mind (ok, let's also point out she's basically been skating on Kama Strong the entire game and this is the first time she's had to think) and she's not sure she's been told the correct plan and it could be another blindside.  

Kelley is all WHAAAAAT???  Surprised that there might be another plan and she asks Aurora and Julia if they are good and Julia says "we are all good".  

Ron is also saying that this vote will tell Julie and I where we stand and we'll feel better if things go as we think tonight.  

Jeff them inserts himself into the game at this point (IMO) telling Julie she isn't a lunatic but also calling Julia out for laughing while Julie was pouring her heart out.  He asks Julia what was so funny and she tells him she was laughing because while she was talking Kelley asked if we were good AND I SAID YES.  

And then BOOM!!!  Rick points out that Julia just gave the game away-says "I guess they are going with the Lesu 3!!"  Not sure if Rick believes it but he has successfully inserted the knife into Ron and Julie and is now about to twist them free from Kama Strong.

Aurora wades into it by saying "I love how Lesu, either together or split, are playing the game.  She says they must think basically Kama is stupid in not realizing that perhaps Lesu figured out last tibal that if they get together and get over their issues they could work together. Says they're  "We're with you and are going to blindside and then the other side is all we're with YOU and are going to do a blindside..." What they're trying to do is create mistrust.  

W/K/L are all frowning and confused.....

Rick says "hey, ask Eric or Aubry or Joe how good Kama can trust each other....."

David is totally laughing at the turn of events!

Aurora says that she's not saying they are the only dysfunctional tribe, she says Kama owns up to their dysfunction.  David and Wardog are amused-" we never said we weren't dysfunctional!!!"

During this back and forth Julia tells Aurora "you are spilling the beans" to which Aurora replies "no I'm not....THEY DON'T KNOW...."

Rick then "throws this out there" that there seems to be a Kama group that doesn't want anyone questioning them, and then there are 5 Lesu and 2 Kama which is 7 and if we do that we could do whatever we want since Aurora wants Lesu to work together.  Julia is all "oh I thought Lesu was all dysfunctional but now Rick is throwing this plan out there".  Rick points out "I think Aurora threw it out there, I'm just on board with it...."

Julia tells Rick, "you're just a passenger" to which he says "Passenger??  Hell I think I just got the GPS...."  He says he can see why Julia doesn't want this to happen but they could " take the power away from the Kama Kids who are just messing with us".  Julia tells him he is just paranoid because he's not part of the "many plans tonight" and he asks her "then shouldn't I make my own plan Julia??"  

Things quickly begin to spin out of control as Wardog talks to Ron and Julie (who are incidentally sitting by themselves surrounded by Lesu....) and says I'll work with you.  

Aurora says "oh so now you are making plans for Ron and Julie??"  And he points out that he's not making plans but broaching a GREAT idea....

Julie says that Rick's proposal sounds good to her.  Wardog continues to talk to Ron.  David is just enjoying it all and says there's a whole lot of desperation tonight!!  

Wardog tells Ron-Aurora??  I'll go Aurora.  Everyone is all up and talking and moving around and David taps Kelley on the back and says "hey remember me?"  But then Ron calls David and Rick over and he's like "hang on..."  So in one corner is David, Rick, Wardog and Lauren, with Ron and Julie and Victoria is trying to get in and stop the talking.  Rick goes back to Kelley and says "a truce could go a loong way tonight..."  

Kelley talks to J/G/A and asks if the plan was THE plan tonight?  and they tell her yes.  She tells them she isn't going to turn on them.  

Julie is good with the new plan says lets do it and then TAKE THEM ALL OUT.  Ron says, "we could take Victoria out tonight" and she is standing right there.  Rick looks over and says "it looks like we aren't going to have Kelley tonight.  Julie is heard saying "I'd go for Julia over Aurora tonight" and Wardog is all "you want that name?  I could go for that name...you pick the name!!"  

Lauren walks over to Kelley to talk to her and Julia gets up and pours gasoline on the fire by getting pissy with them.  Julie yells I AM OUT!!  Says she has seen the looks they have all been passing all day!!!  

David asks Kelley what the plan was tonight and she admits it was him.  

Aurora gets up and says "OMG I can't deal with these soccer moms..."

(BY THE WAY THE JURY IS LOVING EVERY SECOND OF THIS TRIBAL)

Kelley finally tells Rick and David  "if you want to do a plan, let's do a plan!"

Julia is yelling at Julie that she is going to throw away KAMA control and Julie is all I DON'T HAVE ANY KAMA CONTROL!!!  Says she is on the bottom and ready to jump ship-which she illustrates by running over to Rick, David, Kelley and Lauren.  Wardog is still  negotiating and vote counting.  Ron suddenly starts looking nervous and is being worked on by G,V and Julia.  He calls Julie back over. Victoria tells Lauren and Wardog she told them to vote David, and David is all I HEARD THAT.  LOL!  

Wardog says "let's vote" and Julia tells him to shut up.  Rick says he was criticized for bringing up the idea but "I'm glad I did!"  

Everyone slowly starts returning to their seats and then they say WE ARE READY TO VOTE.  

Rick plays the 2 halves of the idol for David but it wasn't necessary because the vote is 1 David, 1 Kelley and all the rest turned on Julia!  

WHEW!!!!!  My head is still spinning!  And at the end Wardog says "RIIIIICK DEVINS!!!" 

And that, boys and girls, is how you build your resume!!!!!  

(is anyone still reading?????  LOL!!!)

Survivor is Getting Good!

Is it me or is this season finally getting better?  I feel like it is and I'm finally getting to know all of the contestants, such as Aurora who had a bit of visibility last week to the point that Wil asked me "was that girl on the whole season??"  Aurora apparently was thought to be Joe's girl and no one told her that he was getting voted off the prior tribal-something that I believe will stick in her craw for the rest of the season and you will hear that brought up again and again.  She's pissed, especially at Ron, and now claims she has no allegiance.  

Ron is really a dick.  He came onto Survivor with an image of being this hero-he has a book on his do good school and he's been blessed by the hand of Oprah but as we see again and again even the holy are just in it for their own glory.  David and Rick give him the bro hug and Ron points out that their tribe all voted for them-"they owe me".  Ron is very big on being owed.  

Wardog. Kelley and Lauren all find themselves on the bottom now.  They realize that Ron et al divided them and made them even weaker.  "We could make up with David and Rick and bring in Aurora".  They boast that they're totally willing to go to rocks which is funny since their odds actually IMPROVE with a random draw.  

We then get to see our 5 minutes of Extinction which HEY JEFF AND MARK BURNETT- Extinction should have an online show of their own ala Ponderosa.  Would be interesting to see what happens there and how it might impact the game.  Especially should they ever repeat it and people integrate it into the strategy, and I expect it to become the new norm given 1) how Jeff has already proclaimed it EPIC and 2) it gives the attention whores who go on Survivor the potential to be voted off and STILL become a youtube sensation after the show.  

We get to see Joe crying the blues AND HAVING A GREAT HAIR DAY.  "This has to be where I am meant to be".  They make it seem like he is all alone on Extinction and I'm all confused as to where everyone else went.  

Reward Challenge:  There's an obstacle course, a get puzzle pieces part, and a vertical puzzle with planks you have to slide in.  Teams are divided into 2:  Blue (Eric, Wardog, Aurora, Rick, Victoria and Julia) vs Yellow (Gavin, Kelley, Lauren, Julie, David and Ron).  Wanna know?  Chinese takeout. 

It's pretty uneven frankly and Jeff spends half of his time yelling at the yellow tribe unhelpful crap like 'EVERY SECOND YOU LOSE COULD BE THE SECOND YOU NEED".  

It's completely uneven and an easy win for the blue team, not the least of which is because they did not grease the  wooden planks for yellow team like they obviously did for the blue.  Ron is happy because he "wants Kelley and Lauren to be isolated and hungry because I am the puppet master".  

On the reward Rick, who in annoying Jeff fashion has been renamed 'Devins"  declares " I love you guys".  

Lauren is still hungry and they joke about what they would do if one of the chickens walked by.  Kelley apologizes to David for their votes.  "We're going after each other and we need to come together with you guys and bring in Aurora".  She points out to him that it has now become the Eric and Ron show.  David is intrigued enough to wonder if Aurora would go along with them and Kelley says that she's seen her crying to Ron about the Joe vote.  Kelley points out they would still be in a tie situation UNLESS David and Rick pretend they are still part of the Kama group and make them feel their numbers were so overwhelming that they had space to split their votes for fear of an idol.  

Ron jerks Wardog's chain- "I am dying to get back to working with you guys.  NOT.  Why would I want to work with you guys?"  Wardog tries to argue and Ron is all DON'T WARDOG ME. 

David talks to Rick and Rick is a lost cause to the dark side.  Rick tells David that going back to the old alliance makes him a puppet.  David tells Rick that he is getting played. David points out that they have the joint idol, and Rick says " I was hoping you would give that back to me..."  

Aaaand another 3 minutes on Extinction.  They all get wine bottles-I know right??  But unfortunately these are just the empty ones laying around Jeff's timeshare with riddles Jeff writes when drunk in them.  " Your path has been rocky but your game is still at stake.  Take a step back and assess, an advantage awaits".  Aubry says you never read a clue without your sneakers on and bang, everyone is off running looking for the advantage.  They're all following each other up to the steps and looking for a stake (with Reem standing back too old to look WHICH IS EFFING PISSING ME OFF. C'MON FAT ASS REPRESENT OLDER WOMEN BETTER!)  

Aubry takes a different path- a path with rocks on it that leads out towards the sea.  She turns around and sees a little cave and inside is a key and a note " Follow the rocks to the sand...your practice begins".  She she gets a practice course and an extra vote to give someone.  

Challenge:  It's a balance one.  Stand on your toes keeping a block against the top of the frame.  People are dropping off, and this challenge is made for hobag women who wear high heals obviously because 25 minutes later we are down to Victoria, Aurora and Lauren.  With the magic of camera angles we see Lauren saying she is getting dizzy and everything is black from head on and then from the side we see her pass out with no camera in front of her.  Hmmmmm.  In comes the aussie medical team while the challenge continues.  "Lemme know if she's dying and whether I should stop this challenge".  Aurora tries to bargain with Victoria to let her win since she feels insecure due to no one telling her about the Joe vote (didn't I tell you this was gonna keep coming up?).  Lauren finally wakes up and says "god I had such a nightmare about being on Survivor...."  Aurora points out that people are shouting "Go Vic" but no one is rooting for her.  Victoria eventually drops and Aurora wins immunity.  

Back at camp Aurora says "hmmm there is a PARCHMENT in my bag".  Who the hell uses the term 'parchment'???  It's the extra vote from Aubry who apparently realizes that Aurora is primed to flip.  

Ron and Eric are being dicks, "using the loved ones as a cudgel" to get people to keep voting with them in order to stay in the game until the loved ones visit.  Which is another reason I hate the predictability of Survivor.  Eric says that since they now have David and Rick in their pockets they can split the votes to get someone from Lesu out.  

David talks with Kelley.  Kelley says that "they want us all out.  They have a big block voting against us but she tells him that she and Lauren have idols".  

Wardog tries to work on Julia.  He says that you have to find the cracks in that group.  He believes that they can work on the younger ones (ie Gavin and Julia) and convince them that they "need soldiers for their war" against the machine that is Ron and Eric.  Julia realizes that Wardog might be right.  She is afraid that Ron and Eric might use David and Rick to flip on Gavin, Julia and Victoria.  She decides to test her theory by lobbying Ron to get rid of David next. Ron shoots that down leading Julia to think maybe Wardog is right.  She's wondering if now is the time for she, Gavin and Victoria to flip??  Julia talks to Victoria about it all but Victoria thinks it is too soon to flip.  She thinks they need to get another Lesu off first before they blow up the game.  

Tribal, with the "members of the jury"

Eric is all "KAMA DOMINANCE"  and says that tonight's decision is a group one.  He says the Lesu tagalongs come in "packages" and you deal with them that way.  Wardog says that some of the packages got into their group.....

Rick says he has no allegiance to the Lesu's and that he's fully on the KAMA train.

David points out that he's just a passenger on that train.

Eric says "David is saying some of you are at the bottom" and then he goes on to the loved ones visit bullshit.  

Wardog points out that by the time loved ones roll around the former Lesu's will have been removed anyway.  

David points out that some of the skaters are gonna find themselves with the dreaded BLANK RESUME.  

Julia says that the decision is more about WHEN to make a move not WHETHER.  

Ron, the menace that he is, says "I wouldn't want to vote against Kama and be on the bottom". 

Aurora points out that there is a lot of strong talk but the problem isn't necessarily with Kama dominance but that Lesu has allowed themselves to fall to pieces.  

Time to vote..... any idols?  NOPE.  

Kelley 2

Lauren 2

And ERIC IS VOTED OFF WITH OVER 6 VOTES.  LOL!!!  Rick and Ron's faces were priceless!!!  

Survivor: Not a Good Hair Day.

Good morning, my pretties! Hope everyone is enjoying this early warm spring day!  No??  Ahhh well, we always have Survivor!!

Last week started off BANG with what appeared to be a challenge but instead DROP YER BUFFS!!  WE ARE MERGED!!  With 12 people which is way more than usual.  Frankly I think next season they should just flat out go with one tribe and only individual immunities from the start.  So tired of the "play for the merge" from day one!  

BUT WAIT!!  There's a twist in what Jeff already predicts will become ICONIC.  And with amazing hyperbole Jeff tells us this might just become ICONIC INSTANTLY!!!  C'mon in!!  And in walks the waking dead of extinction island.  WHAAAAAAATTTTTTT?????  

And now we have the Edge of Extinction challenge:  There's a maze, knots to untie, the bamboo pole to get a key and unlock a "door" part and then the move a ball up a snake maze challenge.  Jeff:  "Some of you have advantages".  Keith gives his disadvantage to Chris who has been using his advantage to practice.  So Chris has more knots to untie.  

So, Reem sucks, Wendy gets out pretty high in the snake and is all twitchy and querky, then and drops, Aubry is out in front but drops her ball,  Chris gets pretty close and drops and Rick Devins comes from behind and wins.  He gets a second chance to join the merged tribe.

And the losers stand there crying after everyone has left, with Jeff totally picking at the scab asking they why they wanted to play and why they stayed on Extinction.  They're all crying and talking about how they've watched the show forever..... 

And then Jeff asks WHO WANTS TO GO BACK TO EXILE AND KEEP PLAYING!!!  YAY!!  Everyone is all YES!!!  But then when they get back to the island Keith and Wendy leave (NOTE: THIS DOES TRIGGER THE ALTERNATE AND SINCE KEITH WAS VOTED OUT FIRST)

Back at camp we have the merge feast.  Kelley is all OH HELL NO NOT FAT RICK DEVINS.  Rick is afraid he is an easy vote and "has to make connections".  

He talks to Julie who becomes his fierce defender telling him HELL NO WILL I LET YOU GO BACK TO THAT AWFUL PLACE...right away.  

The new tribe is VATA.  Kelley and Lauren discuss how great of a scapegoat Rick is.  They are in the 8-4 minority from the original group so they're clearly looking for someone else to be voted out.  

Kelley talks with her arch nemesis Joe because she feels like she is at his mercy.  He tells her he doesn't trust his tribe and thinks he is at the bottom.  Kelley says that she can see David and Devins as an alliance and see them shifting towards the 8.  

In addition to the 8-4 Yellow-blue split there is an 6 girls 7 guys split.  Lauren tells Julie that Rick could be an easy vote and she goes all ballistic-"I'm SHOCKED that they would send him back", from a "moral standpoint".  She suggests either Kelley or Lauren should go because they are "BRUTAL".  

Devins finds something in his bag-it's a 2 part immunity idol.  He has to give half to another player until after this vote and if they both survive it gets it's full power back.  He tells David about it and gives him the other half, which is amusing since right now those two are on the chopping block.  

Challenge: Stand on a beam holding a pole above your head with a little statue on the end.  Julie wins immunity.  

Julie tells Pippi Victoria that she wants to get Kelley out, says she can bring in Rick and David to vote with them.  Tells Rick "you are not going home but don't ask questions".  Rick tells David and also says "she told me the others have no problem sending me back"

Everyone runs off to catch the damn chickens (who are probably outside of the producers electronic fence and all we are hearing are recordings).  Joe stays back to slowly work on painting the new flag.  Ron talks to him about who to vote for and Joe is all "meh, whatever is cool".  Ron thinks that Joe was too vague and he says his true alliance is to the Kama 6, so he wants Joe gone.  

Ron talks to Pippi and says he wants Joe to go.  She wants Kelley.  She talks to Gavin and Eric and says she wants Kelley but Ron wants Joe.  Julie also wants Kelley, says it's not a consensus this week but it's an important decision.  

Tribal-some of you haven't heard my important FIRE IS YER LIFE quote yet!  He also says :"bring in the jury" and in walks the Extinction group and everyone is like WHAAAAA???  

Julie is excited to meet the new people.  Ron says he loves his Kama people.  Kelley says that there are new relationships forming.  Rick says the dynamics keep changing.  

Victoria is asked if getting re-rid of Rick would be an easy decision and she says no, that would be evil.  He's not a threat and there are bigger targets.

Joe says that doesn't make me feel good, although my hair is looking effing AMAZING TONIGHT so I'm assuming I am safe because of it.

Victoria says "not all threats are physical..."

Ron says no one is talking idols or wondering if they will be used.  To which The Wardog says basically "nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition".  

Rick points out that Joe just sat and painted the sign because he's THAT SECURE. 

Ron says, "hair like that, he doesn't need to scramble".  

Kelley says it's frustrating if you're me.....

Vote

Idols?  Nope.

Rick 2

Kelley 2

David 3

Joe gets 4 and goes to extinction.  Perhaps one of the dumbest decisions in Survivor history!  

Survivor Big ol 3 Episode Post

ARGH!!  I swear every time I miss a week and think I'm going to catch up the next there's a friggin double episode week that puts me even more in the hole.  THANK YOU Kevin for handling the update while I was away!  It was hilarious and jeez how great to sit back and read the updates!!  

Note: the previews seem to indicate that there is going to be a challenge to see if someone comes back from the EDGE this week, so unless only one person actually goes home, I'm going to propose if a group of them go home we still use the original order they were voted off.  So in other words unless Reem comes back, she will be the first person technically  removed if Extinction gets sent packing.  If Reem comes back to the game then the second person who was voted off (Kieth??) is the alternate winner.  Sound good?

And while I'm talking about Extinction, what a massive waste of time that has been.  I'm guessing the point was for it to become some kind of last chance Lord of the Flies environment where they fight among themselves for clues to help them get back into the game but since no one knew what was going to happen they became cooperative sheep waiting for the next half bowl of rice to be delivered to them.  

OK so let's blow through episode 4 because I know y'all are hard working professionals that would never read my emails on company time.

Chris arrives at Extinction and is all "I was played like a fiddle".  Reem is a hardass about him doesn't give him a happy welcome.  

Back at the blue tribe Wendy returns the flint and laughs that no one understands her "masterplan"  Wardog is all "WENDY SHOULD TO GO NEXT!  WE HAVE THE NUMBERS TO GET RID OF WENDY".  

They all return to Jeff for what they think is a challenge but is a switch up.  Everyone is shocked Chris was voted out.  

DROP YOUR BUFFS.  They are resorted into 3 tribes and Jeff loses his shit when it's basically the same people on the tribes except Wendy is moved over to one of the former yellow tribes.  Totally not what the producers wanted.  

The new blue tribe: Gavin, Aubry, Pippi Victoria, Eric, Wendy

New Yellow: Joe, Ron, Julia, Julie, Aurora

New green tribe: Rick, David, Wardog, Wentworth, Lauren 

I think that's right.  Green gets a new beach with nothing on it.  Lauren is nauseous and homesick.  

On Yellow Joe is trying to bond with everyone and does the "bro" thing with Ron, who gives it right back to him but doesn't really mean it.  In fact he's just distracting him while Julie goes through his bag to find if he has an idol and what kind of hair products he uses.  Once she confirms there's no idol (and it's AXE products)  they decide he's the easy target.  

Wendy is the new one to the tribe but it's her beach so she gives everyone a tour.  Aubry initially thinks Wendy will be the easy first one out although "she's so nice".  She's also very chatty and gives up all the dirt on the former blue tribe.  She also lets all of the chickens out to run away and the episode is people talking to the camera with chickens squawking in the background.  

Immunity Challenge- there's crates and there's puzzles.  You don't need to know much more.  Green goes to tribal again.  

They are all best buddies but have to turn on someone.  Lauren isn't eating, there's a question about whether Kelley has an idol, Lauren and Wendy don't think Rick is loyal to them.  Wardog is "always thinking who can get THE WARDOG closer to the $1 million"

Tribal is a love fest.  They love each other, respect each other, their camp sucks and it sucks to be losers.  Wardog says this is the game of all games (I thought that was Afghanistan...), Ron says here you prove things to yourself, David says some nonsense about some things being worth more than a million dollars, and Rick is voted out.  

Fat Rick shows up at Extinction where they all just sit around all day without ever considering building a shelter.  I totally don't know why they don't just call it Loser island. And if the point is for it to be a Last Chance Kitchen why not at the least have them do fire challenges to stay in the game?  

Challenge: it's for 1) PB and J and sandwiches, 2) just sandwiches or 3) nothing.  It's basically a maze of silly string, lift someone up to get "bolos" and then play ladder ball but everyone must score so no hiding behind Joe's brawn this week.  Yellow gets the win, blue gets the sammies and green comes away with a big fat lot of nothing again.  Seriously there should be a captain over David's head that says, "womp womp".  Kelley complains that their tribe is like "3 girls and Wardog" which is pretty self deprecating statement about girls in general.  

On yellow people are complaining how STRONG and WINNING Joe is and how that makes him a big target.  Joe decides his best bet is to be super helpful.  It kinda works because now Ron isn't so keen to get rid of him knowing his ASS would have to provide a bit.  Julie is pretty determined he goes.  

The eat their sammies on blue and are still hungry.  Pippi says "there's still chickens"....  Eric compares working with Wendy to having an alarm clock that you never know when its going off.  Aubry is STILL WAITING FOR THE GAME PLAY TO START.  I NEED TO FIND SOMEONE WITH ANY KIND OF STRATEGY INTEREST!!  Meanwhile, Gavin, Eric and Pippi talk and decide it's between Wendy and Aubry.  Aubry is still a big target just being a returning player- the new players rightly so are tired of the returning players angle because they basically want the season to be about them not always just how they react to those who have played before.  Pippi decides to placate Aubry with the idea of a "girls alliance" to lure her away from the thought that she might be in trouble.  

Pippi comes up to Aubry and begins to talk strategy and Aubry is so eager she almost kisses her.  She tells her everyone is way too calm and not really playing the game because they know they have Wendy as a buffer vote.  She suggests it's a good time to blindside one of the boys and Aubry is so eager to be known as a MAJOR SURVIVOR STRATEGIST AND PLAYER that she almost drools on herself.  

On Green, David asks Wardog "shall we fish??"  and Wardog tells him "I've never fished in my life and I'm tired".  LOL.  David decides to go look for snails....and an idol.  He says he's a 44 year old with a 2 bedroom apartment and he needs to shape his life up.  Lauren, Kelley and Wardog talk about what a loser David is.  Then Lauren goes away probably to puke again and Wardog tells Kelley that they make the best combo and it's possible that Lauren could break them apart if it's just those 3.  Kelley is like, OK I'll stab her in the back.  

On Edge, the producers have decided these people are even too lazy to fight among themselves so they throw a box onto the beach- each one has a scroll in it with a map.  "Goal is to be back in the fold"  "If the stars align they'll point the way".  Everyone sits around confused until Rick figures out if you FOLD the map just right arrows point to a tree.  That's why he's the big time journalist.  Reem wants them all to have a pact and only go together to see what's there (mostly because she's too lazy to beat anyone to the tree).  And she wants them to eat their meager bit of rice first.  Surprisingly, loser Kieth is like "that's not gonna happen" and he takes off to the tree.  Everyone runs after him and Keith and Chris get to the tree about the same time but Chris finds the note.  It says "practice" and has 3 bamboo rods.....Rick gets to the second tree (from the back of the scroll) and it has an advantage he can give to someone still playing with an extra vote.  Rick "WE'RE STILL PLAYING THE GAME!!!!"

Immunity Challenge-there's water and a 3D puzzle whose pieces you need to unhook underwater.  I swear the producers made the green tribe's harder.  The literally cannot unhook their pieces.  Jeff is all THIS IS THE BIGGEST BLOW OUT IN SURVIVOR HISTORY.  It comes up to David's turn and Jeff literally yells at him GET DOWN THERE AND RELEASE IT.  David can't and Lauren has to go back down and do it finally.  

Meanwhile the Yellow team of course kicks ass and gets the win.  And they basically are telling the blue team how to put it together when the green tribe comes from behind and gets the win FOR THE BIGGEST COMEBACK IN HISTORY, JEFF.  

Blue has to go to tribal and hallelujah Aubry gets to play Survivor finally!!!  She talks to Pippi about how much she looooves to  make move and this is her chance to get someone big like Eric out to IMPROVE HER SURVIVOR RESUME.  They decide to bring Wendy in and ask her "what kind of game did you want to play" and she's all I DUNNO.  They ask her if she wants to do a big move and get one of the guys out and she's all "if I say no will you take me out??"  Aubry is frustrated because she can't even express an opinion and clearly isn't WOWED by Aubry's strategic game play.  

Aubry is looking in her bag for her idol and she finds the secret advantage Rick sent her. She can use it up until there are 7 people left in the game. She's now all freaked out because she "doesn't know how to play when she has a bounty of advantages".  

Tribal and GET FIRE BECAUSE IT'S YER LIFE.

Gavin is like "it's totally chill at camp, we aren't even talking strategy"  to which Pippi and Aubry say nu huh we are.  Even Wendy says she's been strategering and is amazed that "people are confused by my game play".  

Aubry says some bullshit about people sussing out their people and black cats finding other black cats and halloween and hocus pocus and then she looks like she is waiting for Jeff to give her a treat for her brilliance.  

Everyone is like, tonight is totally an easy vote about who has my back.  Aubry says it's simple and she isn't going to over think it.  And she's going to have a lot of time to think about it as she is the next person voted off and off to the decision point where of course she chooses the Edge of Extinction.  

And then we go right into episode 6, and I'm like damn it this update is going to take all damn day!!  And here we are....

It's morning on Extinction and Aubry is RIGHTFULLY SO mortified by going out "JT style" with a pocket full of idols and advantages.  She's unsure if they are still playing the game or if they are sitting in the waiting room.  We aren't sure either Aubry.  But she knows she can "thrive on the bottom".  

C'MON IN GUYS.  It's challenge time.  There's tables to leap over, sandbags and spinning targets to throw out.  Wanna know??

1) coffee, tea and pastries

2) coffee and cookies

3) hunger

Aurora sits out and I'm like "who the f*(k is Aurora???"

No surprises, yellow wins 1, blue wins 2 and loserville gets another shot at losing.  Kelley is jealous that they have Joe because "that's like a 2 week vacation".  

Julie is like, "at this point I expect to win".  She tells Joe- you won that challenge for us Joe.  Joe knows that puts a big ol target on his back.  He says Aubry going was like a big wake up call.  He gets all teary eyed about not having anyone else to rely on but back home he has his family and his 22k instagram followers.  He wipes his eyes with his hand in his buff and it's like A GIANT FOAM HAND.  lol. 

Joe talks to Julia about how they are both going to be targeted when they merge and he decides to make everyone else seem like threats so that the tribe bonds with him.  Julia realizes he's right and that she is going to have to adapt when the merge happens.  

David is wondering what it must be like to be Joe?  Honey, best not to try to think about how wonderfully better it would be to be him.  Lauren is sick and frustrated that they keep losing and they have a shitty beach.  None of them seem to want to do anything to improve their beach... She tells Wardog that the rice is making her even sicker.  Wardog thinks fishing, like David is at least trying, is counter productive because it uses calories and laying on your fat ass doesn't.  

Wardog tells David and Kelley that he thinks they need to get rid of Lauren because she is so sick.  Kelley and David talk and Kelley says that Wardog is scaring her.  David agrees that it seems to be a dictatorship.  AND WARDOG SUCKS AT CHALLENGES.  

Extinction Island

The producers throw another basket up on the beach in an attempt to make something out of this disaster.  There are maps in there and Aubry is confused why everyone starts right off folding them.  This one is harder.  Rick thinks if you line up all the holes it does something about the mast but he digs all around it and nothing.  Reem looks out at the water and decides she sees some pattern so she and Keith go explore and they find another box.  Keith opens it which means he "owns" it and it's a box with knots inside and it says "when the time comes give your competition these knots.  Chris blames Reem for "giving it away" and Reem goes off "like a volcano" and my husband and I just laughed and said "that would TOTALLY be me by now.  

Immunity Challenge- and there is only one immunity up for grabs.  The other 2 tribes go to tribal together and agree on one person to vote out- or tie and DRAW ROCKS.  

There's a ladder, a rope bag to unroll, a cage door and I swear something called a "monkey cyst" to throw in a ring and get a slide puzzle.  It doesn't really matter because JOE IS AWESOME AT EVERYTHING and Yellow wins immunity.  

And basically it's 25 minutes of people posturing about making the other side afraid to draw rocks by acting like they don't care if they draw rocks.  And them people being all "is Wendy worth drawing rocks?  would returning players go to rocks knowing they might have come back just to go out with rocks?"  And then everyone is like, I don't want to risk rocks.  Let's stay strong and make them afraid to draw rocks...Wardog goes to the beach alone and everyone thinks he's plotting.  He's thinking, "is sick Lauren worth going to rocks over??"  Then he goes off to finally look for an idol.  

David says Wardog is creating a war, and then they all decide to go find him and look for idols.  Kelley finds one and in the excitement  Lauren tells her she has one too.  

Tribal

It's ridiculous.  Everyone is "hey we welcome anyone who wants to come play with us".  Wendy says they all asked her about her original tribe and she said she's now in the middle.  David tells her they still consider her part of their tribe and Eric says "that's not what she said".  

And then Kelley starts talking to Wardog, and he talks to David, and then they start talking on the other side and David calls Wendy out of the area for a side conversation and GOD KNOWS WHAT SHE SAYS.

They vote and it's a tie which means they have to revote.  Everyone is still talking together in groups and someone says "worse cocktail party ever".  

And then they revote and it's pretty unanimous that Wendy goes to Extinction.  

Hello this snowy morning!  Hope everyone SURVIVED  the snow (see what I did there??) !  We were without power but not long enough to test our fire making skills outside in the snow.  Anyone see the ad for Naked and Afraid this season that takes place in the snow?  Y'all know I have been hankering for a Survivor: Freeze your as off  for years!  Not only would we be spared the parade of dirty Victoria Secret bras but I think it would put everyone who comes on with a plan on their asses.  

Ok, so now for the reason you are all still reading this crap.  Reem is on the Edge of Extinction, which appears to be another one of Mark Burnett's tax shelter properties, this one without any apparent luxuries other than a nice flag pole should one want to pretend to be president and dry hump the flag.  Oops. the politics devil got out of it's bag.  GET BACK IN THERE SATAN!!  The note says one has to "work hard for everything" while starting out with absolutely nothing (I SAID, GET BACK IN THERE POLITICAL SATAN!!).  Bootstraps, y'all!!  There is a sail that one can raise should at any time they want to quit.  Reem cries about being stranded and being the first person voted off.  ALL ALONE!!  With just this camera crew!!  The horrors!!!  

And, that's the last ti me we get to see Reem this week...

On Manu (Blue) Wendy is talking about not wanting to vote with Kelley-she is the ring leader and everyone is eating her crap up.  David on the other hand is playing a "go with the flow" plan.  Kelley and Wardog decide they have to keep tabs on Wendy now.  Kelley thinks she is probably going to look for an idol, which gives her the idea that MAYBE THE REST OF US SHOULD LOOK FOR IDOLS.  

Can I mention Wardog is one of those alpha assholes that only align with people they think are beautiful winners?  

Over on Kama Kama Kamelian aka the yellow tribe, they are discussing what their tribe chant and song should be.  They're all in a good WINNING mood and they like to dance.  Ron (I think- haven't gotten all them figured out yet) grabs Aubry and makes her do some lewd stuff called dancing.  Aubry's not really into it but she goes along.  Aubry doesn't like the kumbaya stuff, because without the drama and going to tribal "you can't get a sense what's going on".  She decides to use her marketing manager skilz and go around saying the same lame platitudes to every one in a lame attempt to "feel out the newbies".  Pretty soon people are comparing notes about her- "we can have a dialog..."  " you remind me of myself when i played"....  

Back on blue everyone is looking for idols.  David and the fat guy-Rick?  are looking and wondering if Wendy has sent them out to look as cover for her already having found it.  David tells Rick that "I know Kelley wants me gone".  Wendy finds them looking and tries to engage them.  She tells them she can be loyal and they can bring Wardog along, which makes no sense to me.  David is not a fan of Wardog.  Can I ask what kind of an ahole you have to be to name yourself WARDOG???  It's like proudly telling people you go by BUTTLICK.  

They are also looking for idol on Yellow Kama.  Gavin and Eric-two guys I literally had to look up to find their names. Eric wonders if the time away is suspicious.  Julie is being a little slave girl working on the hut while everyone else is LOOKING FOR FREAKING IDOLS, and she is bemoaning the fact that MEN always find the idols and WHY DO MEN FIND THE IDOLS?? Meanwhile she wonders if the woman should LOOK FOR THE FREAKING IDOLS.  Victoria Longstockings just says "It's a big place and I wouldn't have any idea where to begin to look".  Julia I think also says "it seems SNEAKY to look for idols. WTF??  

On Blue, Lauren finds the idol and them buries it in the sand at the surf line where it could IMO be washed away.  She's all in love with Wendy but for now doesn't say anything about finding the idol.  

Challenge:  I think this is a repeat from another season, as most are.  Swim out to a cage and dive down, bring up a giant heavy snake and drag it back to shore.  Untie parts of the snake and find tiles with numbers, which are used to come up with the combination to unlock rings.  Then a ring toss to raise oars that spell out Immunity.  Wanna know?  In addition to immunity a choice of spices or a fishing kit.  How come they never give away deodorant, incense and toilet paper??  (Because I will say it again, I am convinced there are toilets, toilet paper and Purell on every tree. Other wise in 33 seasons we would have had at least one outbreak of rampant diarrhea).  

Yellow again wins immunity and chooses fishing gear.  And notice how little Joe is factoring into the editing....

Blue is going to tribal.  Keith, who sucks ASS in challenges is a target, according to WARDOG.  He wonders if he's a bigger target than Wendy.  Keith pretty much knows he sucked it and should go.  WARDOG and Lauren discuss what a freaking liability Keith is with Kelley who disagrees and still wants Wendy.  Wardog talks to David about voting for Keith, which ruins David's imaginary plan to get rid of Kelley with War's help/  Keith promises Chris that he'll forever be his guy and now Chris thinks they have enough to get rid of Kelley.  

Chris tells fat Rick that maybe they should keep Keith and blindside Kelley and Rick is all HOLY SHIT THIS IS HUGE!!  Rick runs and tells David who "THINKS IT'S CHRISTMAS" .  Rick runs around telling everyone and they're all excited!!  And then Chris tells THE WARDOG  and puff, that dream goes up in smoke.  Wardog, in strategy that pisses me off every time, thinks "what if there is a tribe switch??"  She's a bigger target and we could hide behind her.  Wardog also wants people to think a blindside of Kelley is HIS plan.  

Kelley meanwhile thinks "people are acting strange this week....."

Tribal

Wendy are you concerend? Yes

Kelley is it unnerving hving people vote for you?  Yes

Rick points out that Reem is the one who voted for her

Kelley says since she played before it can be and asset or a liability but WE NEED TO STAY STRONG

Lauren agrees.  Stroooong

Keith any concern because you are as weak as a fucking baby?  "Your longevity doesn't really ever depend on a ring toss but blah blah blah relationships, numbers, flips blahhhhhhh"

Chris says something about being "strong as a tribe"  and also having "voting units" and TRUST.  

Wardog ways there is a lot of talking and ideas going on.  Could be a blindside-I'll know more tonight where I stand.

David agrees tonight could be a blindside

Kelley says everyone is certain they know how it's gonna go tonight and some are wrong

Wardog says every move should be rational.  Cake and eat it too (not sure where that came from).  Unless I'm playing with 7 liars I know what's gonna happen.

Vote

Kelley gets only 1

Wendy gets one 

and Keith is voted off.  On the way out he says "good luck winning any challenges now" which is effing hilarious given where they are so far this season...

And then Keith comes to the fork in the road and....can't decide.  C'mon GOD, give me a sign......

Survivor: Edge of Extinction Week 1

Welcome to the first installment of the Survivor: Edge of Extinction!  Jeff is looking spiffy in his old man socks with shoes.  It's a look that says my feet are too pretty and delicate to go barefoot without getting a blister.  Hey, does Jeff still have a TV talk show?  I don't think so.  Basically he works 2 months of the year.  Niiice.  Then I guess he goes back into the storage crate with the buffs and immunity idols.  At least the host of the Bachelor/Bachelorette does a few shifts on "who wants to be a millionaire".  

We are in Fiji again.  Survivor has been in Fijii 7 times, and  the last 6 straight.  Jeff no doubt owns a time share for June/July.  It would not surprise me that the show owns the beaches they are filming on, and that they are fenced off from animals and natives.  I'm sure that's also where Mark Burnette off shore's his money.

So we start as we always do with 14 bright eyed newbies anxiously awaiting their 15 minutes of fame.  On a boat.  Jeff is blabbering and then up comes ANOTHER BOAT with 4 returning survivors.  All of the women wet themselves over Joe with his little man bun.  Seriously it was ridiculous.  Poor Jeff.  Also joining is David, who I completely forgot about but was a scary little wimp the first time he played and is now all full of himself having figured out how to shit in the shallow water.  We also have 2 returning women, Kelley Wentworth, who I am almost positive Jeff has slept with, and Aubry who I am also positive Jeff has NOT slept with.  

They have a boat with supplies, 2 minutes to grab stuff and then jump into the ocean and swim.  Keith can't swim, which is in keeping with the Survivor black guy stereotype.  Just a few notes to start off:  There's a news Anchor named Rick who's amazed at all of the food they have. Kelley Wentworth  wants to be all about "relationships" this time around as opposed to being the bitch she was previous 2 times she was on.  David wants to be "helpful" to the newbies.  

The tribes are divided as follows:

Manu-Blue

Kelley-31 in Marketing

David 44 television writer originally from Philly

Reem 46, sales

Chris 25, sales

Kieth 19 Pre Med

Lauren 21 Student

Rick 33 TV anchor

Don "Wardog"  38 law student/former military

Wendy 25 has an etsy store

Kama-Yellow

Aubry 32 marketing

Joe 29, hangs around looking hot

Aurora 32 divorce laywer

Eric 34 firefighter

Gavin 23 YMCA director, clearly needs the money

Julia- 24 medical assistant formerly of Hazleton PA

Julie 46 "toymaker"

Ron 46 a teacher at the "Ron Clark Academy" which was the subject of a made for tv movie and he's been on Oprah

Victoria 23 waitress but she still has time, bless her heart.

OK, back to the show. Everyone is busy building shelter and making fire.  The women of Kama are mainly watching Joe work, as is someone who says "I'm gay and I'm team Joe".  

Wendy is talking with Reem and is making noises.  She is an adorable little thing with a mild form of tourettes.  Which is a real disease but also makes me laugh because there once was a 60 minutes episode (back in the 70s)  I believe about an old white woman in the south whose form of it forced her to repeatedly say the N word whenever she was around a person of color.  It was tragic and so fucking politically uncorrectly funny.  But, damnit, I digressed YET AGAIN.

The Ron Clark Academy was the only one smart enough to know there was probably an advantage hidden among the gear on the boat.  He found it and reads it- "dig 3 feet east of tree mail".  Off he goes and finds an advantage which has a menu of options it can be used for (I forgot to write them down) but it has to be used in the first 3 tribals.  

Joe and Aubry are feeling "good vibes" from everyone and are hoping to not be targeted first.  They decide to lay low.  

Everyone is pairing up and sizing each other up.  Eric and southern boy Gavin aren't sure about Joe and Aubry being back.  Eric wants Aubry gone in the typical male threatened by a strong woman pissing contest.  

Reem is the mom. And is spending time cleaning everyone's room and reminding them to drink water.  She appears to keep taking people's wet things and laying them on the wet sand to dry.  19 year Keith is missing his mom and is very happy for Reem to mother him.  Next thing you know Reem is in the water helping Keith practice his swimming.  Wendy is also tagging along.  Rick the news dude sees it and immediately gets all "omg those 3 are bonding".  They're "dividing themselves from everyone else".  They all laugh because those 3 are the perceived losers and they've self sorted themselves out.  

Challenge:  Ok, it has like 15 parts with an obstacle course, a rope one person has to climb and ring a bell, then a balance beam which leads to knots that when untied open the balance beam to be not so narrow, Then someone climbs a crows nest and something something there's a giant puzzle.  Oh, the rope climb in step 2a is exactly the thing from the president's physical fitness crapola from junior high so I now know why you would want that skill.  

So, blue can't get over the balance beam while Joe the beautiful kicks ass.  Kelley takes a BIG FALL , and everyone ends up at the puzzle.  Yellow wins immunity sending blue to tribal.  

Reem, Wendy, Rick and Keith are at the well and Reem and Wendy are discussing getting rid of Kelley or Lauren who seem to have paired up.  Keith doesn't like that and runs to David et all to tell them. David want Reem out.  People seem to be cool with it.  Wardog decides to pull Wendy aside and get her take but she's in with Reem and says she can't help her age.  Wardog then suggests voting Wendy out instead.  Wendy tells Keith and Reem that everyone is targeting Reem, who confronts David and Rick but ultimately gets nowhere.  "Screw them"

Tribal and FIRE IS YOUR LIFE.  

Basically it starts as someone pointing out there are several mini groups and then Jeff says, "Reem you seem annoyed"  and it goes down hill from there.  Bottom line is everyone is crapping on Reem, saying she's mothering them, etc.  Reem tries to argue her way out, saying things like "if you didn't want me touching your stuff, you should have said something" but even Reem realizes about half way through that indeed the "old lady" is probably the one going home first as literally every one is jumping on her.  

Finally Jeff puts an end to it and they vote.

Kelley 1

Wendy 3

Lauren 1

Reem 5 at least.....

Reem leaves and gets to a fork in the road-wanna keep playing?  Take a torch and follow the path to a boat.  Last thing we see is her getting out of the boat on an island and saying..."OMG there is nothing here....."