Survivor: Outwitted and Outplayed!

Yes, I have missed a few updates!  Reed is out, as is Alec.  Natalie flipped her vote from Keith to Alec at the last tribal because she wanted to use Keith to get rid of Jon.  Following tribal she's all "I thought you said I was supposed to vote Alec not Keith".  She sells it pretty convincingly but Jon believes it's all ok.

Natalie tells Keith what she did in switching her vote, and she explains she wants to align with him and Missy/Baylor to get rid of Jon.  He's like 33 days and I finally get an offer!  He's totally down with getting rid of "Mr and Mrs Prom Queen".  

Reward challenge.  They're divided into 2 teams, belted together and for some reason it's a horse theme.  They have to crawl through hay, then go over/under a hitching post thing, grab a bucket and water and carry it over a giant mesh teeter totter, which is kinda scary.  They fill another bucket, opening a gate and , WAIT FOR IT, they have to do a puzzle.  It's Keith, Missy and Jon vs Baylor, Jac and Natalie.  Wanna know?  A spa day with spa food.  

During the challenge Missy falls a couple of time but really twists her ankle.  Keith and Jon kind of carry her through and they get behind.  The girls get to the puzzle first but don't work as well together.  Keith, Jon and Missy win the challenge. They're dancing around all happy and Jac gets mad because she lost.  And, being the giant pussy that he is, Jon says, "did I say I was going?"  He gives his spot to Baylor so they can have a mother daughter bonding experience,  Natalie gets sent to Exile, and I'm guessing the love birds have a bit of dirty sex back at camp.

At the spa, Missy's ankle is really swollen.  Keith tells her "that ain't good".  The spa food is pretty good, Keith even finds some bacon.  "Don't fill up on that rabbit food, Baylor".  Keith is pretty funny and Baylor starts to like him.  Keith gets a shower finally-30 days of funk gone.  He enjoys the massage but "I don't want the guys at the fire station to know about the extra curricular activities".  

Jon and Jac discuss Natalie's screw up.  Jon, ever concerned about the jury, plans to "make sure the jury knows".  Jac is wondering if maybe Natalie and Keith have something up their sleeve but Jon is convinced Natalie would never flip.  He'd never be outwitted by a female.  

On Exile, Natalie misses her sister.

Immunity Challenge- Keith and Baylor basically carry Missy in.  Natalie comes in and they give her a bowl of rice right away.  Missy says she isn't gonna quit but Jeff has the always Australian medical team come take a look at her ankle.  He says it might be broken but they'd have to pull her from the game for an Xray. Remind me again, did they NOT take other people out for Xrays, and then return them or pull them permanently??  Wasn't there a girl with a broken wrist on day 1?  It's totally random and it pisses me off.  Anyway, they decide to immobilize her ankle so she can stay in.   Baylor says she's a fighter.  

The challenge is to stand on little blocks on yet another teeter totter, hold on to handles and balance a vase.  AND THERE'S A LOT OF WIND.  "Out of nowhere mother nature saying hello".  Someone should write a book of stupid Probst comments.  Jac is of course first out.  She wouldn't even be this far without Jon's assistance.  She's just a useless nasty human being. It comes down to Natalie and Jon and Natalie pulls it out and wins immunity!  

Jon is convinced that Natalie winning makes up for her "mistake", and they have a clear shot at Keith now.  "God has a plan and I have to accept it".  Yea, isn't that always easy to say when you think you're getting everything you want??  

Natalie's plan is to split the votes 2 Jon, 2 Jac and then the Prom couple will vote 2 for Keith.  The re-vote will be just Nat, Baylor and Missy.  She tells Keith to act sad like he's going home.  Jac tells Jon she isn't sure that they aren't trying to blindside him but he's too much of an arrogant prick to  listen to her.  

Baylor tries to talk Missy into the plan but Missy treats Jon like her son and she swears she made him a promise to never vote him off.  She won't break her deal.  Missy is frustrated because her mom is a 3 time man loser and is once again putting a man ahead of her daughter.  "She needs to get with the program".  Missy wants to play "truthfully", a trait that bugs the shit out of me.  BUT, she admits the Jon and Jac show might need to come to an end.  

Tribal

Before he even asks the question, Keith starts saying "I can't pierce these 5, I've tried.  But I do have a vote and they could use me"

Jon mumbles again about the 5 and trust. 

Jac tells Jeff she feels strong about the 5 and that she and Jon aren't going anywhere.  

Natalie admits that she is a 3rd swing vote but the blood is thick with the 2 pairs in her alliance.  She reminds them that she hasn't been there in 2 days due to exile.  

Jon says, "yes my finale speech is prepared."  And then trust/loyalty blah blah blah

Missy agrees that yes, this would be a BIG MOVE TIME, But her foot hurts so apparently she can't think clearly.  Could Keith break the 5 up?  Maybe but I'M LOYAL.

Time to vote.  Any idols?  Nope.  Jac is looking at Jon like he's the idiot that he is.  The vote is.....Keith 2, Jac 2 and Jon 2.  Natalie is ecstatic, as is the jury.  Re-vote and Jon is off!  Jac is not gonna be a happy little Prom Queen!

Jeff:  This game is now wide open.  

2 hour finale tomorrow night!  Who's it gonna be?  I can't believe I'm actually leaning towards Natalie for the win!  Be sure to watch Jon on his first day at Ponderosa.  He still didn't realize Natalie orchestrated the whole thing until Alec tells him!  

Good luck to everyone left in the pool!!!

Survivor Flying Idols!

Sorry. bad weather, the holiday and my Dad kept me from the last update.  Basically Jeremy got the boot because he challenged Jon about having an idol.  I actually had to watch Ponderosa after that one to see how he and Josh were getting along but they seemed good, which  you could see last week with them watching that tribal...but I'm getting ahead of myself.  

Just a warning, tonight I believe there are 2 episodes back to back.  You might need to adjust your DVR.

So.  Natalie was  upset that she didn't know about the blindside.  Jon tells her he has an idol to smooth her trust issues.  She wants to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Keith says he thought Reed was going home so he was surprised.  He says Reed is all smart and knows math (which I assume is knowing how to count to 9 at this point).  Reed can't decide whether to suck up to Jon or get rid of him.  

Challenge.  2 teams with that schoolhouse pick, which I understand less than the rock paper scissor thing.  Guess I didn't play may reindeer games in elementary school.  Mostly huddled near the door waiting to go back inside and learn like a good little geek.  The reward is a half assed salute to Nicaragua and their penchant for training poor little boys for the American baseball racket.  They get to hand out gear and eat baseball food.  

Oh, it's this swim, climb a thing, jump off and grab keys, drag a puzzle and then build a puzzle statue.  

Yellow: Reed, Alec, Jac and Jon who I guess are Siamese twins.  Blue is Missy, Baylor, Natalie and Wes.  Keith isn't picked.  Ironically, they are neck and neck in the physical part and then the blue team totally falls apart trying to use a key.  Yellow wins easily.  Baylor is all upset because Missy hasn't won a challenge.  Reed offers her his spot.  And Wes goes to Exile.  

It's a cute reward, and Missy gets "recharged".  Jon gives some kid a taste of his ice cream and then goes on about how Jac can't have children due to something she was born with and how they're just gonna adopt.  I SWEAR if that shit wasn't said in the private confessional I'd think it was another example of "dude, grandma died???"  First his Dad is dying, and now they can't have kids.  

Reed uses the time to get to Keith who he doesn't think really GETS the game.  He tells him that they are all going to split between him and Wes but he wants to blindside Jon instead using his and Alec's vote.  Keith is like dazzled by the strategy and says, "mmmmmkay".  

Natalie gets Baylor and they run off to find the idol. which Natalie finds.  Natalie wants to keep Jon for one more vote, taking another male out first so that they girls will have the numbers.  She wants Reed to go.

Immunity Challenge.  Holy shit it's LITERALLY a crucifixion challenge, only no nails!  The have to stand on a platform with their arms holding the cross until they drop.  

Jeff comes out after 7 minutes with a bowl of candy.  Which Jon jumps for.  Keith says "he must feel safe..."  

Missy falls out.  More food-milk and cookies for 2.  Baylor and Jac jump off.  

After 45 minutes, it's wings and beer.  Wes jumps off immediately to the disrespect of his Dad.  He calls it CRAZY,  Keith also tells Natalie "there's your whole team sitting over there.  You're fighting for them while the rest of us are fighting for our lives".  

Wes is using his facetime with Jeff to share all kinds of things, like how he ate 58 chicken nuggets in 5 minutes in a Eat'n Nuggets Contest.  What, what?  LOL!  He needs a reality show.  

Keith's feet are purple.  He starts to shake and is out after an hour and 45 minutes.  Alec follows him.  

Wes is now asking Jeff about the time he was on 2 Men making bacon in what totally resembles an old Saturday Night Live skit with Chris Farley playing Wes.  "Remember that time you were on 2 men?  That was great..."

It's down to Natalie and Reed.  Reed looks like he can go on forever.  Natalie asks if there's more food to come.  Jeff is like, now, after 3 hours you'd drop for food?  She says, I'm not leaving except for food.  She requests pizza, wings, cookies and water.  Jeff brings it all out and she drops.  

Reed wins immunity!!!  I'm still in the pool!!!  Neither can move.  Reed slumps into a beautiful split and Jeff has to take the necklace over to him.  

Reed is using Jon's stepping down after 7 minutes to show how overconfident he is. He talks everyone into saying they agree with the 4/3 split but he and Alec, with Wes and Keith are going to vote for Jon.  

Tribal

Jac says she doesn't know if anyone is safe.

Baylor-Josh and Jeremy thought they were safe too.

Jeff asks Keith about no idols being played, and he says "somebody feels comfortable".

Natalie says if she had an idol she would feel like it was a curse and a blessing.

Reed points out that 5 people stepped down in the challenge due to feeling comfortable. He wonders aloud if Keith and Wes have an idol?  

Keith says something and then "stick to the plan"

Jon is like, what?

Reed starts talking behind Jon's back about sticking to the plan, and everyone starts talking to each other about plans and stuff and it's TOTALLY OBVIOUS that there are multiple plans going on.

Missy says it's total chaos.  

Baylor says she feels like it's 3 different carnival mirror effects all at once and "i think I'll follow my gut when I get in to vote".  

They vote.  Natalie tells Jon, "Dude, play your idol!".  He's like, ya think I should???  

Jon ultimately plays his idol, and then Keith takes theirs out and offers it to Wes who says, "it's yours".  Keith plays his idol.   Ultimately, Jon would have gone out if he hadn't listened to Natalie, who totally picked up the drama unfolding.  Wes is unfortunately voted out. Everyone knows Reed and Alec flipped.  

Jeff:  You are playing aggressively and risky, Now that you've started you can never go back......

Survivor: Farts Matter

How on earth did we get to the point where my favorite player this season is a freaking TWINNIE?  I don't like anyone left.  So, in the lead in Jeff uses the work WRINKLE like 4 times, and then Missy discusses THE LATEST WRINKLE.  Scripted much??  

Jeremy's fate was saved last week by the quitting trail mix minx.  JonJac are taking their morning love stroll and wondering, "are we being deceitful?  They both think we're in their alliance.  But taking out Jeremy is a BIG MOVE.  

Reward Challenge:  They're split into 2 teams and have to like, load a cart thing up with heavy puzzle pieces, push it about 10 feet, unload it and build a temple thing, then unlock a statue, hoist it up and raise a flag.  Yea, I was raising the fucking white flag just listening to all of the parts of this challenge.  Wanna know what you're playing for?  The trademarked SURVIVOR TACO BAR party!  Because nothing feels better on a stomach that's only been eating rice and fish than spicy meat and chicken, with some greasy cheese!  Holy man, better grab me a big handful of leaves and go shit in the woods!  (although you know there are porta poties-you don't go twenty whatever seasons without a massive e coli infection.  I mean these people can't make fire.  You think they can dig clean latrines???)  

I'll spare you the details but Keith, troll-boy Wes, Jeremy, Reed, and Natalie win.  Jon gets sent to Exile Island.  

So basically it's a mix of people on different alliances.  Natalie asks if they should strategize like normal people do or just eat.  Wes goes with "just eat".  Keith keeps telling him to slooooow down and enjoy the food but you can't talk to a dog with a possum in his sights.  

Keith goes on this strange rant about how Julie was their pick last tribal and boy howdie were they scrambling trying to come up with SOMEONE ELSE to vote off and weeeeeehaaaaaa were they glad when tribal got canceled.  LOL!  Jeremy says "At least Keith is trying to play the game.  He sucks but he's trying".  

Wes:  "It was all fun and games until it wasn't".  He walks his bloated self off.  Keith tells us "he's a good buy, he ain't never been arrested or nothing".  Ahhh, so now we know how low the bar is in that family.  

Back at camp, Josh is all tippytoes to line up an alliance with more numbers than his bitter rival, Jeremy has.  He decides to take another heavy handed swipe at Baylor.  "I think you owe me at least one vote for saving you".  Baylor decides to go all righteous and points out that he's a Christian, with a minister father and shouldn't expect payback for doing the right thing.  People, people, people,  SURVIVOR IS NOT A CHRISTIAN GAME, AND IS  NOT FOUND IN REVELATIONS.  Either shut up about Christianity on the show or go full out and have Survivor: Christians and Atheists.  Let's finally DUKE THIS THING OUT.  

So anyway, Baylor tells Josh she hears "people" saying that she's riding Josh's coattails.  Which Josh takes as Missy controlling her and gives up on her.  

He next talks to Jac.  "WE ARE TOTALLY VOTING WITH YOU, THAT'S A FACT".  

On Exile, Jon gets a clue to a new idol hidden on EI.  And then he finds it.  Hmmmmm.  Perhaps the cameramen are like my dog who keeps looking at me, and then at the treat jar, then at me, then at the treat jar.....

Back at camp, boys will be boys.  All the women are complaining about the men being crude and rude around them.  Even Jeremy is complaining about it.  They rush in to eat first, and make the women clean up and take out their trash.  Keith totally rags on Baylor, telling her she's lazy and making her get wood.  Alec tells them "hey, keep that fire going girls.  I know Natalie will but the rest on them? "  Jac, Nat and Baylor sit around complaining.  Jac is upset that they act like they already have her vote and don't have to work for it.  Pssst, honey, when you just hang around making out with your boyfriend no one is gonna think you have any gameplay in you.  

Keith tells the guys he's a little worried about Jac.  Nah, she'll do whatever Jon tells her to do and he's with us manly men.  

Immunity Challenge.  It's the remember a sequence of tiles thing.  Jon is out almost immediately because I guess he hasn't eaten in 2 days.  Keith, Wes, a bunch of them get out.  Like, they're not even confused about the ORDER of the symbols, they're holding up symbols THAT AREN'T EVEN BEING USED.  LOL!  It comes down, as all good well scripted dramas do, between Josh and Jeremy, and Jeremy wins immunity.  

Jeremy knows it's all about JonJac.  Josh and company are going for Baylor.  Jac tells Jon that she doesn't like the boys anymore because they were rude to her, several of them were still farting up the taco buffet, and they don't really even talk to her or treat her like they are in an alliance when he's not around.  On the one hand she's right but on the other she is so into hanging with Jon that SHE HERSELF NEVER INTERACTS WITH THE PEOPLE IN HER "ALLIANCE".   Babe, YOU AIN'T WINNING A MILLION DOLLARS.  Let me break it to you.  She also points out that they are much stronger and will win challenges, while they can totally take Baylor and Missy.  

Reed walks up and basically ignores Jac and tells them to vote for Baylor.  Goes on about how much he's missed Jon.  It's kind of awkward.  

Missy tells Keith that he's basically Jon's bitch.  He tells her Baylor is going home next.  Says she's lazy and Missy overcompensates for her and does her work.  They go back and forth about who's the worst parent.  

Jac is still holding pouting and working on Jon.  

Tribal

Jeremy: Yes, genius, I needed immunity

Josh: Whaaaa, I needed it too

Jac: John and me are swing votes.  We've also been so dumb'd down from these hicks we've lost basic grammar

Nat says something about being protective over her original tribe, which I assume means Jon.  She also points out that around camp the guys treated Jac like crap

Jac jumps on that and is PISSED.  They disrespected me, and me and Jon talk and decide things together.  

Missy goes further saying it's like a frat house with the belching, farting and spitting.

Keith says he hasn't heard Wes fart in a bit.  LOL.  Everyone here has gas!  It ain't the Hilton!

Reed says that he's been polite.  He tries to work on JonJac saying the singles will try to pull them apart by voting one of them off.  

Jon says something about abrupt changes being scary.  Or whatever.  

Vote.  

Baylor 5, Josh 6.  Josh, it's time to take your final bow.  

SURVIVOR: Dried Fruit and Nuts

So, we come to the merge!  When apparently the REAL GAMES begin.  But first, a little drama with Keith being upset that he got votes along with Dale.  Missy tells Keith he did it to protect her daughter.  He's done with them, DONE I SAY.  

As an aside, did you know Keith is 53?  Life in the south really is harder.  And is it me or is this a boring season so far?  I mean, the only drama is between a black dude and a white NYC dancer.  And most of that is just bitching about each other behind the camera.  I'm afraid someone's gonna bust out some West Side Story songs any minute!  

Ok, it's MERGE TIME.  They have to take all their gear and hike up to a nice little picnic while the crew cleans up the camps.  Josh and Reed bitch about not getting Jeremy off first. Oh, I mean not VOTING Jeremy off first.  Meanwhile, Jeremy says Josh and Reed are running the show and he wants to CRUSH them.  

Jon and Jac are thrilled for the merge because "no one dates people who don't make the merge.  So now we can keep dating"!  Yay!!!  Awww. their hobbies are both "learning about wine".  How adorable.  Here's all you need to know. Open bottle, fill glass and drink.  There's red, white and crappy pink shit.  It's a beverage people, no need to over think it.  They both talk and decide to "keep their options open" after the merge.  

So, now we will here more drivel about the SIGNIFICANCE OF HAVING OR NOT HAVING YOUR LOVED ONE WITH YOU.  Hey, does anyone know if Jeff still has that crappy talk show?  

And there's food. Question: Was trading everything for that rice wise?  Julie is sad that JR isn't there and she has to watch the other loved ones be loved ones.  Julie, honey, use the time apart to re-evaluate this relationship!  I mean, you're 34.  You've already got the fake boobs and the injected lips.  Do you really want to be known as still a long term girlfriend

 who clearly just had another skin peel?  Think about it, you're personal claim to fame is "creating my company True Glow Spray Tan."  I mean, you didn't even invent the spray tan!  

So it's back to Coyopa beach.  They name the new tribe Hoyopa.  LOL.  Here's HOYOPING this season gets better!  

Jeremy is scrambling.  He has Natalie and Julie but needs to pull in 2 couples.  He talks to Jon.  "Josh is running everything.  Join us and bring Baylor and the divorcee".  

Josh thinks Jeremy is scrambling and he tells Reed they need to get the numbers before he does.  He "reminds" Baylor that he saved her life.  She tells him she'll talk to her momma and get back to him.  Missy isn't going along.  Says, I already hooked up with the single people.  LOL- of COURSE SHE DID.  Baylor feels bad and wants to tell Josh but Mom is like, SUCK IT UP.  

Josh tries working Jon/Jac.  They're in the middle again.  He tells them, "who's going to give 2 Broadway STARS a million dollars?  Jon/Jac think that because they are Broadway stars they may fuck it up.  But they do see the benefit of being with the couples.  You're guaranteed Top 5 and 6.  

Aaaaaaaaaand now the TRAIL MIX caper.  Julie, who has been much photographed laying in the sun (missing that spray tan, arentcha girlfriend) tonight, pocketed some trail mix at the merge partay and the hungry hoards are sniffing around for it.  While she's out eating a dried apricot, they decide to do a bag search (is that unethical??) and they find, steal and eat her stash.  "Selfish  bitch".  "Why does she think she's better than us??"  "Air of entitlement".  WOW!  

Immunity Challenge.  It's actually hard.  Balance a ball on a disk held with 2 ropes.  Balance for 10 minutes, then a longer rope, then another 10 minutes and a second ball is added.  OH AND THE WIND!  OMG THE WIND!  Jeff talks about the WIND for the next 10 minutes.  Hey a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Jeff!  He turned THE SANE AGE AS KEITH on Nov 4.  Here's another interesting tidbit-he has a net worth of $40 million.  This world is fucked up.  He makes $4 million a year doing 40 days in the jungle basically.  

Jeremy is out very fast.  As is Missy and Julie.  Second round, Reed, Baylor, Alec, Jac and Natalie are out. In the final round, Josh then Jon are out leaving it a father-son competition.  Dad wins!  He still has some juice at the age of 53!  

Jeremy is pissed off at being first out.  "I was out before even JULIE!"  But at least we have the numbers.  

Alec says something snarky about the trail mix and Julie is upset.  She talks to Momma Bear, tells her "my head isn't in the game" -as if that was ever a possibility.  Missy asks her to not quit tonight because they need the numbers, which only makes Julie more upset.  "They are using me...."

Jon says he's done a 180 on the alliance. I guess he can't associate with someone who pockets trail mix.  LOL-dude, you're a financial analyst, you hang around worse criminals every damn day!!  

Hey, WHERE IS JULIE AND HER BAG????  Well, she's talking to Jeff.  "It's SOOOO HAAAAAARD".  " I can't stand being alllloooooooone.  I've had a boyfriend since 3rd grade.  JR and I have been together for 3 yeeeeeaaaaars.  We haven't been apart for more than 4 daaaaaays.  Jeff points out that kids go to summer camp for longer than Survivor.  LOL!!  "I think I'm out.  I'm judged constantly about being vain (check), about my boobs being too big (check and check).  I can't stay just because they need my vote, I can't compromise....something.  Whatever.  Frankly I think she's afraid JR is off bonking the hell out of everything that moves without her there to watch him.  

She quits.  And at camp.....Jeff arrives.  Which is never good.  I have bad news.  Julie is out.  Jeremy shits himself.  "Some of you look sad and some happy"  

Josh: It's a complicated game

Jeremy : it's ridiculous for her to quit

Alec: She had it hard

Jac: She dug herself a hole by stealing food.  Food is HUGE

Jon: She had to face the fact that she is selfish.

The good news?  No one is going home tonight...... DAMMIT!!!  

Survivor: Bye Bye Bigot

Ahhhhhhh.  Gone, gone, gone.  But we'll get there....

After almost getting voted off, Baylor says she's "finally waking up".  Always a good plan on Survivor.  JR wants to know who flipped on their vote?  Josh admits he did because he figured out Baylor was in trouble.  He's losing trust in JR.  

The blue tribe is awaiting a massive rainstorm.  They decide they need an actual roof, so they all get cracking weaving palm leaves (neatly stacked by the electronic fence by the production crew...)  Well, almost all.  Drew decides he isn't a weaver and takes a nap, snoring loudly.  Dale admits he's wup him if he were his son, because they still do that down south.  Natalie is getting all feisty this episode and she rants and rants about Drew.  Even Jeremy is getting into the anti-Drew camp.  

Challenge-Val was voted out. Jeremy is pissed.  He says "y'all need to step it up and stop letting the men over there run the game".  JR explains that he gave Jeremy his word that he'd help Val and he couldn't pull it off.  Josh is like WTF?????  

The challenge is another balance thing, this time on a moving beam while they transfer flat squares.  Wanna know?  It's the Jeff Probst collection of pillows and blankets, available at TARGET.  Or, you can chose the fishing gear from last week.  Yellow decides Keith probably isn't gonna do that well so Keith and Wes go head to head.  Oh, and rock breaks scissors apparently.  

After about 10 minutes of Jeff blathering about fathers and sons, and how the father is getting old (he's fucking my age douchebag) and the son is now ready to step into the dad pants and take over or some such crap.  Except, Jeff, this kid has some strange genetic mutation going on.  

Anyway.  Keith falls once, Wes pulls ahead and wins.  Keith gets all emotional and Jeff jumps on that.  Wes, is he like this at home?  Wes gets all emotional and says, "no, most of the time he's wupping me with a fence post".  They do the bro hug/back slapping thang.  

He sends gay Josh to partay with his father.  Personally I think it's a prelude to Wes coming out........as a broadway dancer.  

Jeremy is pissed at JR.  Julie goes off to cry.  "Y'all don't know John Rocker is!  He's a racist, bigoted ahole."  Natalie wants Julie out.  Julie is all upset about JR now having a target on his back.  The tribe Mom tells her she has to play her game not JR's.  She probably also told her about her 3 divorces and strongly suggested she GET THE HELL OUT NOW.  

And a strange clip of a bird getting knocked over by a wave.  

Over at Exile, it's BARREN AND FULL OF ROCKS.  Actually, I am going to only call it BARREN AND ROCKLESS ISLAND.  They are sharing the clue and both realize that JR and Jeremy might both have idols.  They find some snails to eat and the 2 get along surprisingly well.  "Josh is a good ol boy.  But he's not MY good ol boy.  There ain't gonna be no spooning going on.  We don't have many Josh's in Louisiana".  

JR gets on providing fish to prove his worth. Baylor is scrambling and trying to pull the young guys over to her side to get JR out.  Alec says Baylor is just trying to crawl out of last place.  

Challenge.  It is apparently brought to you by Kinex.  It's this maze thing of bamboo that, in pairs, they have to climb over/under and retrieve a basketball and then sink a basket.  

Jon and Natalie vs Josh and Baylor.  Both miss but finally Jon makes it.

Wes and Alec vs Missy and Julie.  Alec hits Julie intentionally.  Wes makes the shot

Drew and Reed vs JR and Jaclyn.  JR takes a shot at Reed but gets the basket.

Josh and Baylor vs Jeremy and Kelly.  Baylor misses, Jeremy makes the shot for a 2-2 tie.

It all comes down to Wes/Alec and Jon/Natalie.  Wes takes a shot at Natalie, then they both miss.  Jon makes the shot and the yellow tribe wins their 3rd immunity challenge.  Natalie goes full blown twinnie, yelling at JR, calling him a bigot and a racist.  "Classy Natalie".  Julie: they're saying he's a racist because of the Sports Illustrated article.  Dale says they all stand behind him.  JR yells at Natalie "If you were a man I'd knock your teeth down your throat".  Yea, uncool.  Even his GF is trying to get him to shut up.  He says, "let's take the Kinex down and fight".  

Hmmm, Josh thinks maybe JR isn't playing his best game.....

Baylor thinks she's in trouble.  She has no respect for JR.  He's all "Natalie called me a homophobe yet I'm tight with a gay guy" in that classic "some of my best friends are gay/black/whatever" excuse.  JR tries to talk the girls into getting rid of Dale, even though he's gunning for Baylor.  The girls aren't really interested in Dale.  

Josh doesn't think JR is being honest.  JR told him he has an idol but he didn't volunteer that earlier.  Wes and Josh talk, Josh tells him about the idol.  We need to blindside him.  They decide to get Alec in with them and Baylor to blindside JR.  Alec thinks JR is a big asset in the challenges.  Wes tells him JR can't know because he has an idol.  

Tribal

JR-is there fallout with Jeremy?  I promised I'd help Val but she bluffed about her idols and I couldn't save her.  

Wes-I'm not too happy about that secret agreement

Alec-Man, that Natalie was all over JR! 

JR-No idea why, it's not like I'm the leader or anything!

Jaclyn-they were all gunning for me and Baylor to get rid of JR.  It makes me feel like a target if we go into the merge.  However, I feel like there is some shifting in alliances going on...

Wes-is there a big shift happening?  I'm not worried.

Josh-You worried?  Not really but people are being told different things...

Baylor-the most important thing we need to do is GET THE DARK CLOUD OFF OF US.  

Vote.  Anyone wanna play an idol?  Nope. 

Baylor 2....JR 4 votes.  Ahhhhhhhh.  All the best jackasses leave with an idol in their pocket.  

Total blindside.  "Well Played".  Sorry Sellman, you will not be the lucky bastard this season!  

Survivor Week 2: How Many Idols??

So bang, right off the bat, Baylor is pissed at Josh for voting for her.  He convinces her that "there is a method to my madness", and that he's trying to hide their alliance.  

Over at the blue tribe, they've lost another flint.  Personally I was willing to blame the monkeys (although I am 100% sure there is an electric fence actually keeping any wild life out of camp) but Jon admits he was the last to use it, throws himself on his sword and  sucks it up like a man.  

Aaaand, right into the challenge.  Nadya is missing and Jeff has to probe that raw nerve over and over until he gets Natalie to cry.  And she apparently never cries.  

Challenge: One person from the tribe goes against their loved one to balance a bar while navigating an "obstacle course", then they get to play skeeball.  Now, knowing if you win you get to send your loved one to Exile, or if you lose you get to go, WHY WOULD ANYONE VOLUNTEER TO DO THESE CHALLENGES???  Wanna know what you win?  Cabelos Bargain Cave of fishing equipment!  Rock, paper, scissors.  Paper covers scissors.  One day I will understand this.  They must have taught it in boys gym not girls.  

John Rocker (JR) goes up against his full breasted "long term no commitment girlfriend".  Who is a dead ringer for a cheaper version of Angelina Jolie.  Or maybe they get the same lip injections.  JR is a neck cracker.  As was an old douchebag boyfriend of mine.  So, yea, I totally hate him.  

Julie totally kicks his ass.  He repeatedly drops the ball and we begin to see the oh so predictable steroid induced temper tantrums.  She wins, and is happy because "he always wins at physical  challenges, including date rape".  He's upset because "I got beat by a girl".  JULIE, HONEY, THERE IS STILL TIME FOR YOU TO GET OUTTA THIS RELATIONSHIP.

She decides to send Jeremy to Exile with JR.  So the blue tribe wins the fishing gear.  "Um, Jeff, we have a problem and have a little deal to make you.  We lost our flint and would like to trade a half (or almost full) a bag of beans for new flint".  Oooh, we get to see the ANGRY JEFF.  "You want to KEEP all of the fishing gear, AND GET FLINT, for a shitty bag of beans?  "  He explains he doesn't need to make a deal, and reams them for waiting until AFTER they won the fishing gear to make the deal, instead of coming in from the start and admitting it, THEN trading the only thing they had.  He's PISSED that they waited until they won the fishing gear to propose the deal.  Hey, Jeff, it is SURVIVOR.....  He wants them to trade all the fishing gear for flint, and tells them, like any good Asians selling purses on the street, "you come back, price go up"  After hemming and hawing they decide to take the flint.  

Natalie is back at camp and crying.  All of the girls comfort.  Now we get to see if both sisters are annoying bitches or it was just Nadya all along.  

Yellow:

Dale and the other guys figure out who John Rocker is.  Dale remembers most of the story of racist and bigoted comments coming out of the Sports Illustrated interview.  Josh considers whether he might have changed, but also thinks someone like that is great to take with you because he is gonna be hated.  

Oh Exile, Jeremy knows who John Rocker is.  I guess it would be like all women recognizing Tanya Harding??  And NOTE TO MARK BURNETT- WHAT IS TANYA DOING NEXT SEASON???  He's upset because there are no coconuts.  It's ok, you're apparently only going to be there for about 20 minutes.  They find the urns.  JRs is empty but Jeremy shares his clue with him with the caveat that he use it to protect Val and he will protect Julie.  

Immunity Challenge.  In comes JR and Jeremy.  It's a water challenge!  God, I remember when every challenge started with "swim out and get X".  They rarely use the water anymore!  It's a sumo wrestling challenge on a floating platform.  

First up, Jaclyn takes on Kelley.  Jac has to first adjust her breast implants.  Like in a major way.  She kick Kelley's butt.

Then the brothers go head to head.  It's kind of a grudge match.  Drew wins.

Jeremy loses to the strange little cabbage patch kid, Wes.

Natalie kicks Val's ass.  Literally.  That girl can fight.

JR, who is looking fat to me, loses to Jon.  His nose is bleeding and when asked about it he shouts a strange profanity word. 

Then it's the mother and daughter pair, Missy and Baylor.  They're all determined to have it out, picturing each other as their least favorite of the ex husbands.  Jeff apparently likes to watch mothers and daughters get down and dirty fighting.  First second of contact and Missy splits Baylor's lip.  It freaks Missy out, watching Baylor cry and she loses her drive,  Baylor for the win.

Josh goes up against Reed.  "Go Josh" "It's Reed that's on our tribe..."  LOL!  Reed kicks butt, and they enjoy it way too much.  

Keith against Dale, Dale wins

And it comes down to Dale's daughter Kelley vs boob woman, Jaclyn.  Dale is upset because it is also his daughter's birthday but he doesn't want to lose.  He chooses not to watch.  Kelley wins and the blue tribe yet again wins immunity!  

Yellow:

Val decides it's "time to make big moves".  ahhhh, that always ends well.....  Dale walks up to Jaclyn and they have a good natured "I currently hate your daughter but I'll get over it".  

Val and JR take a walk together.  He tells her that Jeremy got the clue and shared it with him.  She asks "Did you find the other idol hidden on Exile?  Because I got that one AND the one from here."  JR goes looking for the idol and finds it but doesn't question the fact that Val lied to him.  THERE IS NEVER AN IDOL HIDDEN AT CAMP UNTIL ONE IS USED PEOPLE.  He then talks to Josh and Wes, tells them about the idol she has and says they should split the vote 3 for Val and 3 for Baylor.  He's trying to save Val so Jeremy will keep his GF safe.  Val also announces to JR and Jaclyn that she has 2 idols and that she's gonna use them to save herself and Jaclyn.  I still don't understand this reasoning.  

Josh is suspicious because he's seen JR and Val walking out together and that has never happened.  Wes thinks the idol needs to be flushed out.  

JR then tells Val the plan, telling her she has GOT to play her  idol.  Val doesn't say anything about the fact that she doesn't have an idol (BTW, what the hell does Dale have??)  She decides that she and Jaclyn will just swing their votes to Baylor, who will go down 5-3.  

Josh decides to make a move: “Tonight what it ends up coming down to is what do I think is going to get me to the top.”

Tribal:

I love it when Jeff acts all pissed that they're losers again.  

Dale: You are 0-4.  Yes, Jeff we have not made good strategic decisions.  Almost every time we put loved ones together, for reasons other than strategy, they lost.

Alex:  I just wanted a chance to revenge my Teddy Bear that Drew buried in the back yard when we were 4.  He laments that they go with emotion instead of thinking in advance.  

JR:  We're gonna gel....

Jeff:  YOU DON'T HAVE TIME

Josh goes on this really strange loooooong explanation about putting on a Broadway Show, and having time to close down, redo the dance numbers and open again to success.  It's truly bizarre but I think it's about how they need to take a few weeks off at Club Med, and rework a few things.  

Val goes off in full angry black woman gear.  "There are people in camp who try to play both sides".  She's mad because she doesn't really have many social skills.  She calls out Baylor, 

Jaclyn says, "yea, Baylor flipped after she told me to vote for Dale"

Baylor: Did not

Val: Only the girls would talk to me and YOU TOLD ME TO VOTE FOR DALE

Baylor: WOW

Val: WOW IS RIGHT BITCH

Wes: Val says she has 2 idols, the impact of which is to vote for her and draw the idols out

Val: I'm not nervous......

Time to vote.  Anyone got an idol?  Crickets.  JR makes an exploding head motion

It's Val 4, Baylor 4.  Tied.  They revote KNOWING THERE IS NO IDOL, and Val is toast.  

Jeff:  SOMETHING HAS GOT TO CHANGE.......

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur

So, my husband declared this to be a boring season about 15 minutes in.  Let's hope he's wrong!  Is it me or did Jeff get "play in the helicopter" written into his new contract?  I especially loved the final fly away with him standing outside the helicopter and supposedly just holding on to the little strap inside.  LOL! And if you believe he's not also harnessed in and wearing a pair of depends I have a bridge to sell you.  

Nine pair of AMERICANS!!!  Because we ain't gonna let no damn illegals on our AMERICAN show filmed outside of AMERICA. Each team gets FLINT.  WTF?????  And then we get to meet those 9 teams, representing EVERY stereotype typical of every one of these shows.  

First up, the quintessential soon to be 1%ers, beautifully put together and dressed Jon and Jacqueline.  He the football star. she the former beauty queen.  I did not know Talbots and Brooks Brothers make a line of Survivor appropriate clothing!  "Hmmm, honey, what should I wear to sleep in the dirt for 39 days?  How about my white silk ruffle shirt?  I'll top it with a nice linen blazer and a scarf is always a nice accessory.  You do think we get to accessorize, right?"

Next up, it's baseball bad guy John Rocker and his "long term girlfriend".  AKA a dumb blonde with big boobs hanging around a washed up, kinda fat, former someone.  Who also may or may not be a biggot.  Her name is Julie BTW.  

And, monkeys!  Lots of monkeys!  In trees!!  We have the religious right's favorite team to bash, the thrice divorced mom and her daughter, who has been traumatized by all of those divorces.  Missy and Baylor.  Hey. at least their trying to make some money instead if looking for gubermint assistance.  

We have the required Bro's, Jesus Hair boys Drew and Alec.  We're led to believe they have a lot of sibling rivalry and unresolved issues for Dr. Jeff to fix.  I don't care, they're easy on the eyes.

Dad and daughter, Dale and Kelly.  He's a farmer from Ephrata I believe, given his shirt.  I heard someone say "he could be as old as 55!"  

And of course, no reality show is legal without a pair of genuine NEW YORK LIBERAL GAYS ON BROADWAY!  Josh and Reed.  And let's give them a pair of Jazz hands for sharing their Valentine day flint gifts and a little episode of hugging from behind!  

Next up, a pair of married blue collar workers, Fireman Jeremy and Policewoman Val!  They also get a check for the "African American" element requirement.  

The twinnies,  Former reality show "stars".    They are recycled here because very few people of Indian decent end up on reality shows.  Mainly because they are in laboratories, and sitting around doing math and science all day.  

And, finally, let's throw a pair of total rednecks out there!  Father and son firefighters Keith and Wes who are so alarmed by fire that they intentionally lose their flint striker.  I am trying to figure out what genetic mutation Wes has that makes him look something like a cabbage kid grown up in poverty or one of those kids on the 70s bubblegum cards mocking advertisements.  He's like a rednecked hobbit.  

And so after one final night of passion in the sand, it's on to DAY 1.  Everyone come on into the set and let's meet.  He asks the Broadway dancers if they made fire.  "Jeff, if you're going to be on Survivor, you had better practice making fire..."   FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT!!!!!  Keith admits that 'we done lost our striiiiiiker".  And with that the loved ones are divided up into 2 tribes and it's on to the first reward challenge.  

It's a wooden cube with ropes that have to be untangles and then used to haul wooden platforms in. They do rock, paper scissors WHICH I NEVER UNDERSTAND.  Anyway, Jeremy volunteers to do the challenge and we get THE FIRST TWIST OF THE GAME.  He has to go up against his loved one Val, and if he wins he SENDS HER TO EXILE ISLAND.  Winner also gets fire and beans and a DVD of Blazing Saddles.  Jeff is off on one of his blah blah blah thing about blood vs water and the inherent challenges of having to compete against your loved one.  Like most married couples don't already play this little game every day called "who is going to break down first and offer to make dinner".  

It's not even close and Jeremy wins.  AND MORE TWISTS AND DRAMA!  He has to pick someone from his tribe to go to Exile WITH her.  He chooses Keith because "he knows how to make fire" even though we know they lost their firemaking stuff within 5 minutes.  I blame the monkeys though.  Keith gits all emotional and stuff for the couple.  

Back at their camp they have a whole box of stuff including what looks like matching blue canteens.  Jeremy has his one on one camera time to again get all emotional about sending his wife to Exile.  He then gets up and starts working all of the women on the tribe presumably for alliances although his "everyone wants to date the prom king" makes me wonder....

The loser tribe, which I think is orange and called Coyopa are comparing ages.  There's a young group, a middle group and then that old geezer of 55.  He's a farmer and not used to being around people and is worried about his social game.  So he takes a little walk to the watering hole and finds "a little emblem thingy".  Is it an idol??  The tribe is trying to make fire and is split between Dale and basically everyone else.  Everyone else is using the "rub it until it gets hot and glows" technique, whereas Dale uses his reading glasses, eventually breaking them in 2, to get fire started.  One of the ditzy girls says "wow, I didn't know you could start a fire with glasses!"  Uhuh.  Ever watch this show before. honey??  Dale is now a bad ass.  

Exile Island is apparently "pretty desolate" and why you should never rent a beach place in Nicaragua on the internet without seeing the 360 degree photos.  They have to chose an urn and I'm like OMFG THEY ARE GOING TO CREMATE THEM???"  But, no, one has an idol clue and the other has nothing.  Val gets the clue and just says "it's just stuff about my tribe" and Keith buys it even though, HOW WOULD THEY KNOW SHE WOULD GET THAT URN???  Do they not get the teevee in his trailer park???  They bond a little about how he and her husband are firefighters.  

On the blue tribe, named Hunahpu. Jesus hair Drew, who yes yes has worked as a male model, is getting the shelter done.  Which annoys John Rockers LONG TERM GF for some reason.  She thinks he's arrogant.  

Wes figures out who John Rocker is and he tries to get him to confess.  While walking around carrying a huge pile of branches beside JR in REALLY BAD LOOKING OUT OF THE GATE JOCKEY UNDERWEAR, who is of course carrying nothing.  He asks him if his last name has 5 letters.  Um, NO.  Oh right, 6 letters then.  

About 10 minutes after building the shelter Josh's eye starts swelling up and looking like a nasty epidemic of  pink eye is about to take over Nicaragua but, instead, he remembers reading about some jungle plant that makes people allergic.  OH NO, it's the sap from the plant they used as a roof.  So they have to remove it and replace it.  Apparently that works for his eye.  

Monkey shot.  Jon has already torn the sleeves off his blue oxford Brooks Brothers shirt. Either that or $250 doesn't buy a quality item anymore.  He left his dying father back home to do the show.  Hopefully that won't effect the will.  

Immunity Challenge.  

Val and Keith return.  Jeff: "Hopefully you can find a spot in your tribe since everyone has already paired up".  

It's an obstacle thing.  Crawl under stuff, then there are 3 levels of walls to climb, after you untie 3 bags of stuff.  The first leg of it you need to climb a rope up the incline (I'd still be there), second uses pegs and finally you have to use each other.  And then......PUZZLE TIME!!

Orange gets out to a lead.  And then lots of shots of I think Julie's almost released from the buff tits.  Orange gets to the  puzzle first but Blue gets 'er done first.  Jeff asks Natalie "what does it feel like to know your sister might be in trouble?"  Blah blah blah.  Jeremy tells Wes he owes him for taking care of his wife and he'll help him get back into the tribe.  Apparently that tribe isn't a bunch of age discriminators.  

On Orange, Val goes right to the watering hole looking for the idol.  Right about where Dale found that little thang.  

Nadiya is going on and on about Amazing Race.  Dale knows how she played on AR and tells people "she was a backstabber then and will be again".  He talks the guys into voting her out.  Nadya talks to Josh.  Tells him "I was already counting you as one of the girls",  which apparently gay men do not like to hear.  

Val wants a girl alliance.  They want to take Dale out and Nadiya tells them "Josh is totally on board".  Meanwhile, Baylor seeks out Josh because she "wants to vote how he votes".  I have no idea where that came from but Josh realizes he's in the middle.  

Tribal.  Yea, yea, fire = life bullshit again.  

JR says it's been a fast 3 days and things move quick.  There isn't one obvious choice.  

Nadiya: We're all getting along now so it's a big decision. I'm looking at attitudes and physical attributes (she clearly does not own a full length mirror) and I want people who are positive and want to keep going.

Josh: Yes, a positive tribe is a good thing.

Nadiya: Thank you for asking me AGAIN about Amazing Race, Jeff.  It's so different because there are no directions and none of my "primal needs" are being met.  

VAL says that Exile was stressful, and she didn't get to know many people.  But Exile does provide a time to explore and FIND THINGS.....

Dale: Is it hard to be OLD?  I just had to prove my worth which I did using my old man bifocals to make fire.  It was a huge thing that I did making fire.  Huge I tell ya.  

Wes says that Josh is well liked.  And he sings show tunes to drive the monkeys away.

Nadiya, Yes, I agree.  Josh is able to go between the boys and girls......

Josh: I am a question vote!

Time to vote while we listen to monkeys have sex.  Jeff just looks like, "it wasn't me this time".

Anyone have an idol??  Val hems and haws but nope.  

And in the end, Nadiya is yet again first off of a reality show.  

"The tribe is still finding itself".  Namaste, Jeff.

Survivor LLama Talk!

Hello and welcome to the finale day update.  CAN TONY BE STOPPED???  Will Woo finally realize HE'S ON SURVIVOR??  Will Kass become even more hate-able??  And could Spencer actually pull this one out?  IT'S ALL DOWN TO 2 HOURS TONIGHT.  Lots of internet rumors of a final 2 instead of a final 3.  

Last week after Woo and Kass changed their minds at the last minute and sent Tasha home, Spencer was all 'why bother with the charade??"  Tony tells him they were just toying with him but that they are all still loyal to him. Kass is thinking she should go with Tony to the finale.  Woo isn't even thinking.  Spencer thinks that no one knows how to play the game.  

Tony talks to Woo and says he believes that Kass can't get any jury votes.  Woo just thinks it would be "fun" to sit next to his buddy Tony at the final vote.  Because that is the whole point of Survivor.  Getting to spend quality time with your big smelly friend.  Tony admits that Woo is genuine and a threat.  "It's gonna be a shame to blindside him".  

Mud Challenge for Pizza Delivery.  So, are we going to go a whole season without the family visits??  Load yourself up with mud, and dump it in a bucket.  Gee, how ironic that the fat boy with much more surface area wins this one.  Tony gets to pick someone to join him and he picks starving Trish.  

Kass is annoyed at this.  It shows that Tony is the alpha male and Trish is the alpha female.  "No one should have that much power in the game".  Spencer thinks everyone is handing Tony the game.  

Tony inhales his pizza.  Trish thinks he's gonna puke it up, he's eating so fast.  Nooooo Tooooooony, slooooooow down, you're grooooooooss.  I have a feeling Tony would be like an animal and barf it all up just to eat it all over again.  He tells Trish that he does have a special power idol and that he can use it at final 4, which is a lie,  

Once back and full of dough, Tony confronts Kass.  "Woo told me you were conspiring against me".  He says he pledged on his wife and baby that she was gonna go final 3.  Kass says, Chaos Kass is back.  Hey, Kass, you're the only one who thinks this is amusing.  

Kass tells Woo that Tony told her that Woo spilled the beans about the potential of getting rid of Tony.  Woo says no, and Kass takes that back to Tony.  WHY ARE YOU INVESTIGATING??? You sealed your fate!!!  Kass tells the group that Tony swore final 3 to her.  

AND TONY DOES LLAMA TALK.  WTF was that all about??  Tony thinks Kass is an insult to the game.  She tells Tony that what she did was strategic, and that now one of your people doesn't trust you.  She tells Woo that he needed to know what Tony was saying.  She now wants to pull in Woo and Spencer and ruin Tony's game.  

Woo finally thinks, "Why would Tony take me to the final 3 when I have a better reputation with the jury?"  Spencer tells him that if he goes, then basically Tony and Trish are in the drivers seat to decide.  Woo's like, 'OMG, I never thought of that!!!"  

Trish, however, overheard the whole conversation.  

Immunity Challenge.  COME ON IN GUYS!  Today Immunity is UP FOR GRABS.  Untangle a braid for a key, put up ladder rungs, lay down planks and then solve the trademarked Survivor slide Puzzle.  (pat pending).  

Trish totally sucks at all challenges.  Did I ever mention that?  So, yea, she's still trying to figure out how to cross the starting line.  Tony kicks ass through the challenge and gets to the puzzle first.  And then just starts flailing the pieces around.  Remind me again, he's from the Brawn tribe?  I guess being a cop in Jersey City, you don't get to do a lot of slide puzzles.  Spencer comes from behind and kills the puzzle in Brain fashion.  He wins immunity again!  Wow, he should TOTALLY WIN THIS SEASON.  LOL!  

So back at camp Trish confronts Kass. DO YOU THINK I'M DEAF OR STUPID??? God, I totally love when people ask those open ended questions about their stupidity.  She keeps yelling at Kass I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOUR VICTIM STUFF.  I WILL PULL YOU APART IN 30 SECONDS, YOU AND YOUR BIG UGLY FACE ARE NOT WINNING!!!!!!!!!  

In one of the most hilarious responses, Kass calls her SKELETOR and a vicious, cruel human.  

Tony suggests he and Trish take a walk..... He walks away with Trish and Woo.  Kass and Spencer tell each other "we need Woo".  

Tony asks them both if they have any questions, in that fatherly tone of voice that means THERE BETTER NOT BE ANY QUESTIONS TONIGHT.  Woo asks him if he really did swear on his kid and his wife to Kass.  Tony admits he did but I'm now swearing to you on my mother, AND MY DEAD DAD that Kass is gone.  Any bets that his father is still alive?? 

Woo realizes he can't trust Tony.  He also realizes this is a reality show, and that he's Asian and frankly, unnaturally NOT wickedly smart.  SHOULD I MAKE A BIG MOVE??? OR WAIT A COUPLE MORE WEEKS???

 Woo comes back, kneels by Kass and tells her "I'm voting for Trish".  Kass and Spencer are skeptical.  WHY???  Woo says it's for his long term strategy.  He does know it's like day 33, right??  Spencer tells him that since Trish and Tony are inseparable,  They can't both get to the final 4 while Trish is still there.  

Tribal-Sarah has completely gained every ounce she lost.  

Tony-so one of your 4 is going tonight?  Yes, Jeff the Challenge Beast won again.

Kass-Trish came at me like a blue eyed skeletal banshee today

Trish says something about "capacity for hatred".  Says Kass always is the victim.  If you are going to pit people against each other, don't sit back and claim innocence.  She basically fights with everyone.  

Spencer-yes, Jeff, it's all good for me.  This process was going to happen but immunity sped it up

Woo-it has made hidden animosity evident.  Now, it's back to a 3 brawn, 2 brain alliance.  Spencer and Kass are aligned.

Kass-I didn't predict the psycho bitch was gonna emerge but Tony was caught telling both me and Woo we were final 3

Tony-She's delusional.  She's a strategist and she's sealed her own fate.  Kass shows no emotion on her face ever. 

Kass tells Tony he's an ass

Tony talks llama talk again.

Jeff is just amused.

Spencer-it's funny but in that One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest funny.  

Woo-it's like Tony is Dad, Trish is Mom, Spencer and Kass are their kids and I'm the foreign exchange student. (Say it with me people-"no more yankee my wankee, the Donger is tired")

Tony-it's game play tonight and I brought my bag of tricks.  Puts his idols both on.  

Spencer-that does complicate things!

Time to vote.  Any idols?  Tony plays it.  Trish is votes out (and Tony voted for her as well).  She tells them "good luck" and Kass shoots her the finger while the jury watches. Tasha and Jefra share a look about Kass.....

Survivor Update: Hmmm, maybe they were the smart people...

So, let me just apologize for not commenting yet this season on HOW MUCH TONY LOOKS LIKE A FRIGGIN MONKEY FACE.  Seriously, are you sitting there every Wednesday discussing amongst yourselves how I could be over looking this?  HOLY SHIT.  I just looked at the TV and said, HE'S A MONKEY FACE. 

Ok, last week Jefra stayed with her alliance and male model Jeremiah was sent packing.  Spencer used his idol to protect himself instead of giving it to Jeremiah, and Kass has to rub it in his face. She is kind of a bitch.  Says of course he wouldn't give it up he's the most selfish of the species, a college age boy.  Hmmmm, me thinks someone didn't get invited to the Senior Dance in college! 

It's Survivor Auction day.  And, it's also time for me to rant.  The trouble with this show is it has become predictable.  Everyone knows there is going to be an 'advantage" for sale.  This time, it meant the food was a buyers market with Tony, Tasha and Spencer sitting out bidding and waiting for the advantage.  Tony is such a (monkeyfaced) paranoid bastard that even with the special GAME RUINING idol he still can't handle the thought of someone else getting a slight edge.  Trish, on the other hand, is either feeling really safe or is totally clueless as to strategy.  She is HUNGRY.  She buys the first item-popcorn, candy and soda- for $80.  OMG, IT'S A GUMMY BEAR!!!  My prediction is at the after show she is  going to weigh about 220.  That girl is going to come off the island like a hoover vacuum cleaner. 

Jefra buys the next mystery package and gets quesadillas, quac and a margarita for $100.  For $20 Kass gets the choice of 2 covered trays,  The one she takes has a steak sandwich and ice tea.  At this point Trish is all "why aren't you people eating???"  "Cheapo Deapo's".  Trish buys the tray Kass gave up for $60 and gets rice and water.  LOL.  Ribs and beer go for $40 to Woo who describes them in their entirety. 

Jeff asks Tony, Spencer and Tasha what they are waiting for.  They want an advantage,  Jeff.  Ok, so lets got to it.  Tony yells out $500.  Nope.  If it reaches the maximum, then anyone who has the money and wants in can pay $500 for a chance to draw rocks.  Tony and Spencer are in but FOR WHATEVER REASON, Tasha doesn't.  Idiot.  It would have increased the odds that she and Spencer would have gotten it.  Big surprise, Tony gets the advantage and the auction is ended.

Dear Mark Burnett/Jeff Probst.  PLEASE STOP SELLING AN ADVANTAGE AS AN ADVANTAGE.  If you want to include an advantage in the auction, might I suggest you mention that one of the items up for sale might include an additional advantage?  That way, more people would bid the food stuff up.  Either that or totally skip the advantage next time around and totally screw people over who wait for it and get neither an advantage or food. 

Spencer is miserable and Kass is loving it.  Tony is pissed off that people bought food and ate.  He's also annoyed by the girls sitting around discussing what they ate.  So he wonders off, reads the advantage and yawn, it's a clue to the immunity idol. 

The girls are in the water rinsing out their cooches, and Tasha makes sure Tony sees her right in the mix.  She wants to make him paranoid.  Tony doesn't disappoint.  He sees them all talking and starts wigging out, complaining to Spencer about it.  Spencer, who really is playing a great game, asks Tony if he's worried?  He proceeds to tell him how Jefra wanted to blindside him, and how she was saying she could get Trish to flip as well.  Spencer knows Tony is crazy and could easily be pushed. 

A little later on, the girls and Spencer are in the water and Tony is pissed off.  There's a dying crab and Jefra tells him to hurry up and cook it so it doesn't go bad.  He's mumbles to his ever present sidekick Woo "get your ass up here and cook!" 

A little later, and for whatever reason it is accompanied by the "suspenseful music", Tony finds another idol.  He runs around showing it to his alliance, supposedly because it's for "all of us", but mainly so they don't try to flip and blindside him. 

Challenge:  Race to dig up 5 bags, each one with a ball in it to be used in a table maze.  Kass and Trish are totally lost digging for balls (life imitates art, once again...) and as Jeff says "Tony goes crazy and knocks his balls all over the place".  It's a race between Woo and Tasha, with Tasha once again winning immunity! 

Tasha is still working Tony with her chattering to the woman.  Tony counts and figures out there are 4 women and 3 men.  One of his alliances is an all male one, since he thinks there might be the beginnings of an all female alliance.  He tells Spencer's theory and that he wants Jefra to go.  He talks to Woo, who is like, cool dude.  Tony wants Spencer to get Tasha in on it, and of course she's fine.  He chooses not to tell Trish or Kass the plan. 

Spencer doesn't totally trust Tony, so he goes searching for the idol, which makes Tonymonkeyface mad.  He tells Woo "there's going to be chaos tonight!" 

Tribal
Spencer-yes, Jeff, one would think I was in trouble tonight.
Tony-IT'S CHAOTIC OUT THERE!! Spencer tried to make me think Jefra was against me.  He pulls out his idol and puts it on.  "I'm not going anywhere tonight"
Jefra-I was upset about LJ
Trish-she was upset that you didn't TELL her about LJ
Tony-you don't advertise a blindside dumbass.  All they have left is a belief in our alliance.
Spencer-chaos is great!  If I can mix things up it only helps me.
Kass-someone could very well make a mistake tonight.
Spencer-I've played well and hard but I'm not ready to go.  There are windows of opportunity that open and close fast.  Not making a move when the opportunity arises is why most people lost the game.

Jeff: sniff sniff, you said that way better than I ever did and I've had like 20 seasons of trying.  Let's vote.

It's 3 votes for Spencer and 4 votes for Jefra!  Another blindside!! 

Survivor: Spy Shack Edition

Good afternoon and welcome to today's VERY RAINY update.  I am putting off my rainy day nap to get this out to y'all so I better get a "wow was that freaking awesome". 

The question has to be asked.  Can Tony be stopped?  I'm not sure anyone is even trying.  In an interview LJ said it was almost impossible to play against someone as irrational as Tony.  I totally get that.  And I just want to scream: THIS MAN CARRIES A GUN TO HIS DAY JOB?????  Trish seems at least to be able to manage him, but I think we're starting to get to the point that taking him to the finale because you think he's so hated isn't a good idea. 

Ok, the update.  Last tribal, Woo and Tony flipped to get out LJ,  Jethra (or is it Jefra?  I don't think I've ever typed her name this whole season) is mad.  Why didn't you tell us?  Tony gives her some song and dance about "You and Trish wouldn't have gone along and it would have gotten nasty".  Was it a 1 vote alliance?  Yes.  Kass and Jefra realize that they're really the bottom of the 6 alliance. 

Spencer totally wants to make a move against Tony.  Tony realizes he's probably in trouble, so in typical MANIC, FAST TALKING Tony mode, he thinks "what I need is a cloak of invisibility.....so let me make up a SPY SHACK. "  It's more like a spy bush near the water well, where he sits and listens to conversations.  I'm guessing no one notices that there is a camera trained on a freaking bush. 

And just like that, Jefra and Trish walk up and talk about the alliance.  Trish convinces Jefra that there is still an alliance.  She thinks Tony is an award winning actor (Tony only hears the award winning part...) She's OK with LJ going but not with the fact that Tony lied to her face.  Helllloooooooo!!!!!!!!!  Where has this twit been all season??? 

And, just like that Tony doesn't trust Jefra. 

Challenge:  2 teams row out and collect paddles with letters on them, and then they solve a word puzzle.  Hey, is one of the words LAME?? Wanna know what you're playing for?  A trip to Crystal Cave (I still have my pencil from the 3rd grade trip) and a BBQ lunch.  Wow!  BBQ!  Chicken, ribs and potato salad!  Authentic native food again!  Seriously, why not just start holding Survivor in the swamps of Louisiana?  I mean, they don't even TRY to pretend with the Rent-a-Native services anymore. 

So, yea it's a lame challenge.  I don't even watch the challenges anymore.  It comes down to the letters.  Tony is of course watching what the other side is doing (HELLO, PROBST, HOW ABOUT A FRIGGIN SCREEN ON THESE PUZZLE CHALLENGES??)  It's Woo and Kass working against Tasha and Spencer.  It's "worth playing for", and Tasha, Spencer, Jeremiah and Jefra win the challenge.  Tony and the others are freaked out about Jefra, who is already not trustable, spending time with these 3.  Kass says, Meh, I'm  OK with just a 5 person alliance, basically because that bumps her up one. 

Everyone's sitting down and Trish is out getting water and stuff.  "Oh, are we strategizing??  I just found limes and papayas that the producers wired to trees".  Tony is annoyed that she isn't that worried about Jefra.  Trish takes Woo with her to get the fruit and Tony goes off to find the special idol.  And in one of the WORST promo'd pieces ever, we see Woo FALL OUT OF A TREE!  And I SWEAR to GOD the promo had him falling out MUCH HIGHER THAN HE REALLY DID.  So, he falls and it's like OMG IS THIS A GAME CHANGER???? Nope.  Just fell on his ass. 

Ok.  I'm Ok.  The caves are EPIC.  And the food is FABULOUS!  Jefra, how many riblets do you want?  "I'll have 2...don't want to get too full".  They're working on her.  She's "confused because I wasn't told about LJ"  She thinks Tony has to go.  The native guide in the native dress- black pants and an izod shirt,  returns.  I mean c'mon, you can't even throw me a headdress make of bones or something??  A POLO shirt????  FFS.  He hands then the added bonus.  LETTERS FROM HOME!  It's a cry fest.  Jefra's mom has really neat handwriting, although she didn't ever learn cursive writing apparently.  She tells Jefra "don't let your kind heart be your downfall.  Don't be afraid to lie..."  OOOOOH, WILL THIS BE A GAME CHANGER????  She thinks it's a sign from the producer Gods that she should jump ship.  She shakes everyone's hand and they proclaim WE'RE FINAL 4!!

Immunity is up for GRABS Challenge.

Stand on a beam, balance a ball on a pedestal, and with time more down the beam.  The challenge starts and wow, WHAT A FRICKEN COINCIDENCE, ANOTHER BIG WIND COMES UP.  Jeff says, "A lot of balls are moving".  Talkin' about your swinging set big man?  First round it's Jefra, Trish, Tony and Kass out.  Second round, Jeremiah.  It comes down to Woo, Tasha and Spencer.  Tasha wins immunity once again. 

Jefra talks to Trish.  I'm totally not feeling safe.  Kass joins in. Jefra says "I'm over his lies, he's on my nerves" .
Jefra tells her " Nobody likes him, that's why we're keeping him.  To go up against him in the end". And just like that, Tony finds the fucking special idol.  And, frankly, it's a GAME KILLER.  Seriously, the special powers allows the finder to use immunity AFTER THE VOTES ARE READ.  So there's NO CHANCE of Tony going home as long as he has it. He's SUPER TONY!!  It'll be interesting if he ever uses it because if it were my season, I'd basically walk off and say, THAT IS BULLSHIT.

Tony walks up while they're in the water bitching about him.  Trish tells him "we need to trust you tony".  WHOOOO NEEDS TO TRUST ME???  Trish thinks she's helping him with Jefra by calling him out in front of her.  Kass thinks Spencer has the idol. They discuss this for a bit. 

Jefra apparently ISN'T GONNA CHANGE THE GAME.  She tells Jeremiah, sorry but I'm not voting for you. 

Tasha, Spencer and Jeremiah are hanging out.  Jeremiah decides to make his big confession.  HOLY SHIT HE'S GAY???  Nope.  He's a fashion model.  LMAO.  Didn't see THAT ONE coming, did ya?  In exchange for the big reveal, Spencer tells them he has the idol.  They decide to target Woo. 

Tribal:
Spencer agrees that, yes, Jeff, I'm on the outs.  Now I see how you earn the big bucks. He says Jefra went back to her original alliance. 
Jefra: My options are better with Tony.
Spencer: It's frustrating because Tony keeps breaking promises
Tony: WHEN DID I BREAK ANY PROMISES???
Um, when you got rid of LJ?That wasn't breaking promises.....
Spencer tells them all that if they're on the jury their votes are going to go with Tony because he's the only one making moves.
Trish: We called him out on lying and he said he's going to stop that crap.  SURE TRISH, LIARS ALWAYS SAY THAT!!
Woo says they've been thinking which one has an idol, Jeremiah or Spencer.  He think Spencer is a bigger threat in the game.
Spencer points out that it's a social game and everyone likes Jeremiah. 
Tony says, it's not going to be him tonight because he's brought his bag of tricks.

Vote. 

Any idols?  Tony pulls something out of his bag.  Spencer pulls his out and debates what to do.  GIVE IT TO JEREMIAH YOU DUMB SHIT.  He plays it himself. 
Tony "See Jeff, the inexperienced LAD was about to give his idol to Jeremy (WHO??) because he thought I was going to use mine.  MINE IS A FAKE IDOL. 

Jeremiah is the next person to join the jury.  I am gonna miss that freaking eye candy!

Survivor Update: Flaming Balls of Anxiety

Welcome to this week's Survivor update!  Thank you for letting me skip last week, since you all know I spend Holy Week in church.  All week.  Every day.  8 hours.  In prayer.  For your gambling sins. 

So, now onto the recap.  Ok, so during Holy Week's episode the new alliance with Kass were all 'woohoo we're strong 6'.  Yet everyone scrambled to find the idol.  Spencer found the regular one but not the SPECIAL SUPER POWER one.  God, I hope it doesn't come with xray vision.  At tribal, Tony got 4 votes, and Morgan got 6 making her the next person on the jury. 

Tony says he almost pooped his pants when he saw his name, so he confronts Spencer as to why he was targeted.  Really?  You're that clueless??  He says Morgan wasn't worthy of winning and wants to know why he was a threat??  He rants to Tasha and Spencer, who tell him "we'd have gladly voted for Morgan with you if you had asked".  Tony says, "well I didn't need you then".  He admits that even with 3 sitting ducks it isn't easy. 

LJ and Trish talk about what a freaking whack job Tony is when he's pissed.  He is in scramble mode, which is never good.  Trish correctly diagnoses him with paranoia and OCD. 

Tony is afraid of LJ now.  Says (in one of his MANY MANY close-ups this episode) that LJ is sharp.  I want him to die but I need him to make a mistake.  He talks to LJ and basically corners him to say "if Woo has an idol he has to get blindsided".  That's all Tony needs to run off half cracked to say that LJ has targeted Woo, and to get everyone against LJ. 

Reward Challenge:  It's for a spa trip plus lunch of chicken wraps and egg rolls.  I guess they've totally given respecting the local culture these days.

Tony knows strategizing gets done on this break away trips so he is hell bent to win.  It's a throw a rope through a loop to open a box of sandbags, which have to be thrown/worked down a net tunnel, and then bounced into baskets.  It's a fun challenge and I think I will set it up in my back yard the next time I have a bunch of 4 year olds over. 

Tony is in a group with Spencer and Jeremiah.  Bottom line, they nail it with an easy win. 

At camp, LJ and Trish discuss how crazy Tony is.  LJ tells Trish that Tony is paranoid and wants Woo off.  They both decide they need to "put out Tony's fire".

On the reward, we never actually see if Tony gets a shower but I certainly hope so because even without smell-a-vision he stinks.  Spencer sees a chance to life one more day and he asks Tony if he wants to talk a little strategy.  Jeremiah asks Tony if he's comfortable in the game, and he says no.  He tells them that when the time comes he will approach them.  Spencer asks if that will be before or after they are gone. Spencer and Jeremiah tell Tony they're ready.  "I need you guys to help me stay...I have your back".  Jeremiah says they have no choice but to believe him. 

Tasha admits that it's a 3 vs 6 person game and she's probably done.  She approaches LJ to see if he'd talk to her.  Asks him to meet her at the water but he doesn't show up.  LJ: "Tony is a flaming ball of anxiety" and is watching everyone like a hawk.  Tasha knows that Tony is running the show. 

Immunity Challenge.  It's one of those 'you're so hungry let's fuck with your memory" challenges.  Remember sequences of colored tiles.  Tasha wins immunity!!! 

LJ: I say we split the vote in case Spencer or Jeremiah has the idol. 

Tony still thinks Woo might have an idol.  He decides to pin it all on Woo,  He tells Woo that LJ is shady and wants to blindside him.  Woo totally buys it 100%, further proving to me that Woo really isn't as smart as I thought he would be. 

Tony tells Spencer that Woo wants LJ out.  You are safe, just don't vote for me.  Spencer says it's like a BIG CHRISTMAS present.  Considers if it's a lie or not, but tells Jeremiah. 

Tony talks to Trish.  She's trying to calm him down but says LJ says you want to get rid of Woo??  No, LJ is the one who wants Woo.  I'm not proposing anything like that.  LJ is the problem, he's sneaky.  He tells her it's him, her and Woo as final 3.  Totally works her over to be against LJ.  Trish talks to Kass, who thinks it's totally crazy to make a blindside then.  Tony says he has to decide whether it's time to kick ass or kiss ass. 

Tribal.

Jeremiah admits the 3 are in trouble as there is a strong 6 alliance.
Kass is asked if she gives a shit about the 3.  It's a game, Jeff.  There are lots of moves yet to come and it's gonna get dirty.
Tony: It's confusion out there!  That's why I brought my bag of tricks that make me more confident.  He holds up his bag hinting he has an idol. 

Jeff asks, "if it's a strong 6 why be nervous?"

Tasha: There may be fractures
LJ says she's just HOPING there are fractures.  Says he was approached but there's no need.  Loyalty is huge in this game. 
Jeff asks Tony what he does for a living and he says "construction".  Sarah's head whips around on the jury.  He says loyalty is important in his work because of people stealing tools...or something.
Kass says that loyalty is fine at home but she checked that at the door. 
Woo says the 6 are strong but there will be a time for moves.
Spencer: I don't know who's on the bottom of the 6 but if you think that 6 is strong, it might be you.....

Time to vote.  No idol is played.  Jeremiah gets 3 votes, Spencer 1 and LJ is blindsided with the help of Tony and Woo. 

Bang.  Lots of happy faces on the jury!