So, this week started right where last week ended, at tribal council. Jeff excused the jury but said there was some unfinished business. Right away, my stomach got in a knot because when I worked, this always meant one of two things: either it was time for the twice-a-year company wide reorganization, or someone got caught talking smack about the owner. Good thing alcohol still cures this.
Jeff announces they are going right into the Reward Challenge. Bang. It's time for the Chinese-government mandated quiz on Chinese Culture. I already had my hand up with the answer of "Dragon", even before the first question. Wanna know what you're playing for? The winner of the challenge must choose two more people to travel by private jet to the ancient Shaolin Temple, one of the origins of martial arts. I had to copy that line from the website, since I had never heard of the Shaolin Temple, due to my Western-based public education. Apparently, the survivors had a better education because they all knew about it. Or, maybe there was an American Airlines magazine article on it in the seat pocket on the way to China.
Anywhooo, couple of lame questions later, PG is the winner. WOW, that's a big friggin shock that the remaining Asian wins the challenge. PG chooses Erik and Mullet-head to join her. Finally, someone takes pity on poor Denise and lets her play in some reindeer games.
These 3 fly off to Shaolin Temple (I'm gonna try and use this in a sentence today-let's all do it!), where everyone was kung fu fighting (sing with me). Unfortunately, Chuck Norris wasn't there. BUT, shock of all shock, not only did Jean Robert know mandarin, but Denise is studying for her white belt (and knowing her she'll wear it with white shoes after labor day). What are the odds??? The Shaolin monks ask Denise to show the children some American-style martial arts and Denise shows how she handles fat kids who want a second helping of french fries back home. Wham. I was kinda disappointed Courtney wasn't there because I would have loved to see Denise karate chop her in half. PG uses the time to work on Denise to join with Erik and her for final 3.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, James, Amanda, Courtney and the Artful-Dodger sit around and talk about how great it will be when it is just these final 4. Amanda gets a little revolted at the thought of going into the finals with these idiots, so she begins to plot. Todd is really mad at the weather: “This rain is hell when you are sitting in a muddy hole in a swimsuit you have been wearing for a month, hunched over praying for the clouds to go away. I am done with the rain…done.” Wow, that's academy award TV right there. He forgot to mention his wet wool hat. The runner up would have to be Courtney: “The cave is the best thing I have right now. The cave is my happy place. What I don’t like is when everyone and their damn mother decide they like the cave too. Peih-Gee comes sidling up in there and I'm like, ‘I’m going to kill you.’ And then you want to start talking? No get out of here! No talking in the cave!” Oooookay. New rule, no talking in the cave. Kind of like when I was a kid and we had a no wearing pantyhose on your head at the dining room table rule (don't ask).
Denise returns to camp and tells Dodger-Todd that PG wants to vote him off. Todd flies off the handle, kicking shit and screaming, "what a bitch" at the top of his lungs. OK, that only happened in his head but he was really mad. You can't blame him. I mean, imaging on Survivor someone wanting to vote you off instead of just going along with being next voted off.
Erik tries to work on James to join their alliance, but James hates PG too much and blows him off.
Courtney and Amanda hike to Tree Mail and find a traditional Chinese weapon, steel stars with sharp points, plunged into a board with a note attached. Unfortunately the note doesn't say, "Courtney, it's your lucky day. Use the steel star to kill PG", so they are off to Immunity Challenge. While they are walking back, Amanda tells Courtney about her plan to flush out the immunity idols by voting off James. Courtney is too interested in the shiny stars to pay attention and says, "sure".
At the immunity challenge, the survivors throw stars at those bad leaning-on-the-tree cowboy silhouettes in every white trash front yard. I didn't know they came from China. PG is up first and scores a big zero. Artful's up next and scores a 3, and acts like the king of the jungle. Fortunately Erik, James, Amanda and even friggin Courtney score 6 pts knocking him out of round 2. Oh, Kung Fu Denise scores 2.
Second round, Erik scores 3 points and wins immunity. Back at camp, James gloats that PG is finally going home. Amanda tells Todd her plan to flush out the idol by voting for James. Todd is immediately pissed off that someone else had an idea, but he agrees to steal it and call it his idea. At tribal, PG and James go at it and Jeff offers anyone with an immunity idol to use it and James falls silent.
The votes are read and the best piece of Survivor eye-candy is led away.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Amazing Race Update 3
Ok, first off, I'm guessing the Asian Daddy's meds clearly wore off from the start of the show. I'm waiting for his daughter to change his shirt to say, "who's your asshole". And, I guess we were supposed to believe his problem was his hernia from biking his daughter a half a mile in a rickshaw? No sympathy. And, I really don't think that was a real doctor who "pushed the hernia back through the intestinal wall".
After the most dramatic airplane mechanical problem ever, everyone ends up all on the same plane to W. Africa. No, I am not going to try to spell the town. They then all end up on the same train to Bingo, which is just a hole in the veld. Since the train doesn't leave until the next morning, they all party with the homeless Africans. The fluffy girls don't like Africa. It's dirty and the African women don't have professional manicures. Kynt is just a damn baby who needs to be helped everywhere he goes. Lip gloss is holding up pretty good, and I think he made a few bucks out in the bushes with the homeless men.
Is it me or is the grandad a total double from the F*&*ing chicken grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine?? Once in Bingo, they hit a roadblock. Camel milking and drinking. Some of these women aren't good with their hands (and you can read whatever you want into that statement). WHY OH WHY do these people never learn that animals have souls and don't like you to yell the word "baaaaaaaaby" around them? Grandpa Don has apparently milked a camel or two in his life. TK, who probably smells just like a camel by now, was able to coax the milk out just by walking past the camel.
Lorena and Julia had problems, further pushing Lorena (who is "passionate") over the edge. I thought one of the nomads was going to kick her in the head. Lorena, Julia, Jennifer and Azaria all ran out of milk and had to go find camels with more to give. Lorena preferred to just stand and yell, "Baaaaaaaby, there's not more miiiiillllllkkkkkk". Which I'm sure made Jason rethinking that whole marriage and children thing.
Jennifer and Azaria finish up pretty quick, leaving Julia and Lorena to battle it out. After the milking, the teams had to lead 4 camels to the waiting Nomads. Asian Daddy had to friggin sing the whole way, further indicating his meds aren't quite adjusted right.
After the camel lead, is a DETOUR. "Teach it or Learn it" Teams have to either teach african kids english (and, really, how hard is that when they all do have cable) or learn some african words. This is pretty uneventful, but while they are arriving and leaving for the pit stop, what looks like a HUGE storm blows in. Unfortunately it doesn't blow Jason and Lorena out. After kicking the milk over, freaking out, and finally finishing, Lorena asks Jason, "do you still love me'?? haha. What's the poor guy going to stay on national tv?
Teams then head back to Bingo for the pit stop. Azaria and Hendekia finish first and win another trip for two to incest Island. It comes down to Lorena and Jason against the sisters Marianna and Julia in a foot race. Unfortunately, Jason and Lorena win out and Marianna and Julia are eliminated.
After the most dramatic airplane mechanical problem ever, everyone ends up all on the same plane to W. Africa. No, I am not going to try to spell the town. They then all end up on the same train to Bingo, which is just a hole in the veld. Since the train doesn't leave until the next morning, they all party with the homeless Africans. The fluffy girls don't like Africa. It's dirty and the African women don't have professional manicures. Kynt is just a damn baby who needs to be helped everywhere he goes. Lip gloss is holding up pretty good, and I think he made a few bucks out in the bushes with the homeless men.
Is it me or is the grandad a total double from the F*&*ing chicken grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine?? Once in Bingo, they hit a roadblock. Camel milking and drinking. Some of these women aren't good with their hands (and you can read whatever you want into that statement). WHY OH WHY do these people never learn that animals have souls and don't like you to yell the word "baaaaaaaaby" around them? Grandpa Don has apparently milked a camel or two in his life. TK, who probably smells just like a camel by now, was able to coax the milk out just by walking past the camel.
Lorena and Julia had problems, further pushing Lorena (who is "passionate") over the edge. I thought one of the nomads was going to kick her in the head. Lorena, Julia, Jennifer and Azaria all ran out of milk and had to go find camels with more to give. Lorena preferred to just stand and yell, "Baaaaaaaby, there's not more miiiiillllllkkkkkk". Which I'm sure made Jason rethinking that whole marriage and children thing.
Jennifer and Azaria finish up pretty quick, leaving Julia and Lorena to battle it out. After the milking, the teams had to lead 4 camels to the waiting Nomads. Asian Daddy had to friggin sing the whole way, further indicating his meds aren't quite adjusted right.
After the camel lead, is a DETOUR. "Teach it or Learn it" Teams have to either teach african kids english (and, really, how hard is that when they all do have cable) or learn some african words. This is pretty uneventful, but while they are arriving and leaving for the pit stop, what looks like a HUGE storm blows in. Unfortunately it doesn't blow Jason and Lorena out. After kicking the milk over, freaking out, and finally finishing, Lorena asks Jason, "do you still love me'?? haha. What's the poor guy going to stay on national tv?
Teams then head back to Bingo for the pit stop. Azaria and Hendekia finish first and win another trip for two to incest Island. It comes down to Lorena and Jason against the sisters Marianna and Julia in a foot race. Unfortunately, Jason and Lorena win out and Marianna and Julia are eliminated.
Survivor Update 9
On to Day 25. James, having escaped elimination wakes up in a fine singing mood. I wonder if I can hire him to wake me up some morning...
Denise doesn't agree with Courtney who thinks a morning without Jean-Robert is Christmas. Doesn't Denise LOOK like a trans-fat serving lunch lady? I mean, why not wear a mullet if you head is gonna be in a hair net all day.
Denise was yet again kept in the dark about the vote and she ain't happy about it. Could be a crucial moment in the game.Todd continues to have something up his butt. And, surprisingly enough, he doesn't seem to like that. He now hates PG. It's not all hate though, as Courtney and Frosti are clearly in lust. Is it me or do they look like a pair of baboon grooming each other?? Ugh. What happened to the mean girl we used to know?
Reward Challenge: The ancient game of Ha Ke Sac, or bouncing a knitted ball around. Another "schoolyard pick", and the teams are: Courtney, Erik, Frosti and Amanda vs PG, Todd, James and Denise. Basically Erik and Frosti run away with the game, getting their 3 balls in and winning the Lee River Cruise. The 4 of them head off to the cruise, with beautiful scenery all around them. Unfortunately they miss it all since they are grubbing on fried chicken. There was obviously more date-rape Aqua Dots served, as Frosti and Courtney continue to groom each other and Erik and Amanda eye each other up. If this guy is a virgin, it ain't from lack of opportunity.
Back at camp, the fireworks are a blazing. PG storms around blaming James for throwing the challenge, which is pretty amusing. Todd is pissed he's not on the reward challenge. He still has an enormous head. PG storms off and gets her 5 minutes probably built into her Survivor contract to act all R rated (get it?), and we get to see her rolling on her back in the lake. Yawn.
The victors return and have to lie about having American food, instead of that damn chinese shit again.
Immunity Challenge: This is a memory one with a twist. There's food for anyone who doesn't want to participate. And, again, these people clearly have not watched Survivor before since a number of them jump at the food with no regard to how arrogant this is perceived. James, Denise, Todd and Courtney chose to eat burgers and fries. Clearly, Courtney's eating disorder is in remission. They grub on the food like crazy people while Erik, PG, Frosti and Amanda compete in stabbing zodiac symbols with a knife in proper order. Erik goes first, followed by Amanda. PG and Frosti battle it out until PG wins immunity.
The puppet master in the Oliver Twist hat continues to mastermind the game (yea, right), and talks people into voting out Frosti and breaking up the Frosti and Courtney alliance. Best line of the show to date comes following Frosti's departure: " I got beat by the tiny flight attendant, the sassy new york waitress and a lady with a mullet."
Denise doesn't agree with Courtney who thinks a morning without Jean-Robert is Christmas. Doesn't Denise LOOK like a trans-fat serving lunch lady? I mean, why not wear a mullet if you head is gonna be in a hair net all day.
Denise was yet again kept in the dark about the vote and she ain't happy about it. Could be a crucial moment in the game.Todd continues to have something up his butt. And, surprisingly enough, he doesn't seem to like that. He now hates PG. It's not all hate though, as Courtney and Frosti are clearly in lust. Is it me or do they look like a pair of baboon grooming each other?? Ugh. What happened to the mean girl we used to know?
Reward Challenge: The ancient game of Ha Ke Sac, or bouncing a knitted ball around. Another "schoolyard pick", and the teams are: Courtney, Erik, Frosti and Amanda vs PG, Todd, James and Denise. Basically Erik and Frosti run away with the game, getting their 3 balls in and winning the Lee River Cruise. The 4 of them head off to the cruise, with beautiful scenery all around them. Unfortunately they miss it all since they are grubbing on fried chicken. There was obviously more date-rape Aqua Dots served, as Frosti and Courtney continue to groom each other and Erik and Amanda eye each other up. If this guy is a virgin, it ain't from lack of opportunity.
Back at camp, the fireworks are a blazing. PG storms around blaming James for throwing the challenge, which is pretty amusing. Todd is pissed he's not on the reward challenge. He still has an enormous head. PG storms off and gets her 5 minutes probably built into her Survivor contract to act all R rated (get it?), and we get to see her rolling on her back in the lake. Yawn.
The victors return and have to lie about having American food, instead of that damn chinese shit again.
Immunity Challenge: This is a memory one with a twist. There's food for anyone who doesn't want to participate. And, again, these people clearly have not watched Survivor before since a number of them jump at the food with no regard to how arrogant this is perceived. James, Denise, Todd and Courtney chose to eat burgers and fries. Clearly, Courtney's eating disorder is in remission. They grub on the food like crazy people while Erik, PG, Frosti and Amanda compete in stabbing zodiac symbols with a knife in proper order. Erik goes first, followed by Amanda. PG and Frosti battle it out until PG wins immunity.
The puppet master in the Oliver Twist hat continues to mastermind the game (yea, right), and talks people into voting out Frosti and breaking up the Frosti and Courtney alliance. Best line of the show to date comes following Frosti's departure: " I got beat by the tiny flight attendant, the sassy new york waitress and a lady with a mullet."
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Survivor Update Week 8
Finally, the long awaited weekly update!!
So, what happened last week? LOTS of footage of James fishing. Daaaammmmnnn. What a piece of eye candy. Notice the fish were even throwing themselves at him.
Jean-Robert is still thinking of the last challenge when Jaime showed up with a piece of wood claiming it's an immunity idol, when Jeff said, "yes, there is an immunity idol in the game but this ain't it". He's ALMOST sure there's an immunity idol in the game. Almost.
Reward challenge: the bucket brigade. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to a 1000 year old village and dinner at the Chung King diner. Damn, couldn't they order in a pizza instead?? Survivors are split into 2 teams, and Denise is left unpicked, as PG, Frosti and Erik decide to chose based upon weight. Man, that must make Denise feel good. She's in China in a bad one piece bathing suit, with a mullet and some virgin is calling her fat.
First up, Courtney in one boat, Todd in the other. JR, James and Amanda basically load Courtney's boat up with water as she splashed around with her useless arms saying, "c'mon you guys, stop". Next up, Amanda and Frosti are in the boats. Niether PG or Courtney can fill and throw a bucket of water to save their soul, so Frosti is the first one under. Big surprise.
Off to the ancient city for JR, James, Todd and Amanda, complete with the bamboo tube. I'm guessing everyone was shooting eyes at Jeff to forget about the tube, but they are forced to bring it along and open it up during dinner. JR realizes that this is a HUGE reward, given that they now have clues to the idol. He's unfortunately too stupid to figure out that James has already won a challenge and gotten the clues. I don't think he ever makes this connection. JR thinks they should go right back and look for the "american immunity idol".
Back at camp, PG tries to co-opt Denise and Courtney to vote for JR. I think Courtney has gotten a hold of some Chinese Aqua Dots, because she's all peace and love now, and I think she's hitting on Frosti. The MSG full survivors return and everyone crawls into bed except JR, who stays up all night looking for the immunity idols. Is it me or did they replace the plaques? Cause I thought he pulled 4 of them off and hid them in the bushes.
Todd, who has an extremely large and mis-shapen head (anyone else notice that?), is getting a little PMS'd out, and is mad that James hasn't offered to share the immunity idols. I thought that was kinda rude of him myself. Todd is getting a little unbalanced if you ask me. Perhaps the buff is too tight on his big head.
Immunity challenge: Time to ride the giant dragon. Courtney sits motionless and in a trance for over 30 minutes with a giant moving dragon between her legs. Something tells me this is a typical Saturday night for her. Courtney wins immunity, and when Jeff puts the necklace on her (which I think is made up of chinese bottle caps, and probably full of lead), she falls to the ground due to the weight. OK, this only happened in my fantasies, dang it.
Back at the camp, JR tells Erik he has the idol. Erik tells him, um, no, you dumbass, you're the only one who doesn't know that James has 2 of them. Poor JR, he's so stupid. He confronts James and threatens him that he has to stick with JR. Why? I can't figure out for the life of me. JR lays in wait for the big head boy, and tells him, "dude, I have BIG NEWS- James has both idols". JR thinks they should vote James out and make him use an idol. You would think this would be perfect for Todd, but he gets his panties all in a wad because he thought of that idea DAYS ago, and now JR is having the same idea. That is like, SO UNFAIR.
So just to spite him, Todd changes the plans and they vote out JR, who totally doesn't see that coming!
So, what happened last week? LOTS of footage of James fishing. Daaaammmmnnn. What a piece of eye candy. Notice the fish were even throwing themselves at him.
Jean-Robert is still thinking of the last challenge when Jaime showed up with a piece of wood claiming it's an immunity idol, when Jeff said, "yes, there is an immunity idol in the game but this ain't it". He's ALMOST sure there's an immunity idol in the game. Almost.
Reward challenge: the bucket brigade. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to a 1000 year old village and dinner at the Chung King diner. Damn, couldn't they order in a pizza instead?? Survivors are split into 2 teams, and Denise is left unpicked, as PG, Frosti and Erik decide to chose based upon weight. Man, that must make Denise feel good. She's in China in a bad one piece bathing suit, with a mullet and some virgin is calling her fat.
First up, Courtney in one boat, Todd in the other. JR, James and Amanda basically load Courtney's boat up with water as she splashed around with her useless arms saying, "c'mon you guys, stop". Next up, Amanda and Frosti are in the boats. Niether PG or Courtney can fill and throw a bucket of water to save their soul, so Frosti is the first one under. Big surprise.
Off to the ancient city for JR, James, Todd and Amanda, complete with the bamboo tube. I'm guessing everyone was shooting eyes at Jeff to forget about the tube, but they are forced to bring it along and open it up during dinner. JR realizes that this is a HUGE reward, given that they now have clues to the idol. He's unfortunately too stupid to figure out that James has already won a challenge and gotten the clues. I don't think he ever makes this connection. JR thinks they should go right back and look for the "american immunity idol".
Back at camp, PG tries to co-opt Denise and Courtney to vote for JR. I think Courtney has gotten a hold of some Chinese Aqua Dots, because she's all peace and love now, and I think she's hitting on Frosti. The MSG full survivors return and everyone crawls into bed except JR, who stays up all night looking for the immunity idols. Is it me or did they replace the plaques? Cause I thought he pulled 4 of them off and hid them in the bushes.
Todd, who has an extremely large and mis-shapen head (anyone else notice that?), is getting a little PMS'd out, and is mad that James hasn't offered to share the immunity idols. I thought that was kinda rude of him myself. Todd is getting a little unbalanced if you ask me. Perhaps the buff is too tight on his big head.
Immunity challenge: Time to ride the giant dragon. Courtney sits motionless and in a trance for over 30 minutes with a giant moving dragon between her legs. Something tells me this is a typical Saturday night for her. Courtney wins immunity, and when Jeff puts the necklace on her (which I think is made up of chinese bottle caps, and probably full of lead), she falls to the ground due to the weight. OK, this only happened in my fantasies, dang it.
Back at the camp, JR tells Erik he has the idol. Erik tells him, um, no, you dumbass, you're the only one who doesn't know that James has 2 of them. Poor JR, he's so stupid. He confronts James and threatens him that he has to stick with JR. Why? I can't figure out for the life of me. JR lays in wait for the big head boy, and tells him, "dude, I have BIG NEWS- James has both idols". JR thinks they should vote James out and make him use an idol. You would think this would be perfect for Todd, but he gets his panties all in a wad because he thought of that idea DAYS ago, and now JR is having the same idea. That is like, SO UNFAIR.
So just to spite him, Todd changes the plans and they vote out JR, who totally doesn't see that coming!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Amazing Race Update 1
Ay, tis an Irish Proverb: May you always find an accommodating ass.
Whoa, good contestants this time-with the exception of the lesbians, not a marriage in the group! Let's mock them:
First up-the Asian dad and his daughter, Ronald and Christina. Dad "wasn't around much when she was growing up". Wouldn't it be funny if against stereotype he was in jail, not working?? I know I'm getting old when Christina's comments that Dad is "almost 60" and doesn't have much time left, so she wants to get to know him while there's still time. I thought 60 was the new 40?
Kynt and Vyxsin-the Goth couple. I hear Maybelline is gonna sign him for their new ad campaign on how to get your lip gloss to stay put for hours and hours. "These best friends have been dating on and off for over three years", even though he's totally GAY. You disagree? Their bio says, "together they enjoy shopping, dancing and doing each other’s hair/makeup". No further comment needed.
Lorena and Jason-pondering the marriage questions, although Jason says on national TV, "I'll always feel like one foot is out the door". Hmmm. You think she knew this before it aired the other night? Frankly, the way he treated her while driving (and going the wrong way, mind you), I'm hoping she turns out to be more like Lorena Bobbit.
Kate and Pat: Looooove them. They aren't gonna be "wimps for Jesus" and hold doors open for anyone. Finally, some TV Christians I can get behind. But, please tell me they are not gonna keep dressing to match. I know that lesbian wardrobe can get a little limiting, but c'mon. Also, did I hear one of them really say "Amazing Race is like a love letter to the planet"?? Maybe Phil will get the next Nobel Peace Prize.
Shane and Jennifer. Here's the team to HATE, and I don't think I'm going out on a limb here. I thought they were sisters, but I think they got their noses and breasts from the same guy. Would it be wrong of me to suggest that there really were 10 contestants but 2 of Hefner's "girls next door" escaped under the ruse of running the Amazing race?
TK and Rachel. EEWWWWW. Like, it's leg 1 and these 2 already look dirty and disheveled. These 2 are newly dating, she owns a high-end flower show and he's a substitute teacher. I think that's code for unemployed surfer.
Mariana and Julia: these 2 are a little too close for me.
Nate and Jennifer. I'm thinking these 2 are gonna win the award for most usage of the word "baby". And, GOD I HATE THAT!!! Although there wasn't a lot of baby talk when the donkey wasn't moving. Key line from their bios: " both admit they couldn't stand each other at first, but soon grew closer and started dating". Given they've broken up several times in 2 years, should be good to watch them fight their way around the world.
Nicholas and Donald, grandfather and son-The son is a friggin airline pilot, even though I don't think he's old enough to reach the pedals. Granddad seems to like to curse a lot, so you gotta respect that. Does the Asian daughter know he's 68 and still breathing?
Azaria and Hendekia-OK, it took me almost the whole show to figure out they are actually brother and sister, not married. Again, a little creepy but they seem to get along. First place, baby!! They won a trip for 2 to Banff, which is also a little creepy to think about. My money is (literally) on them winning the whole thing.
Ari and Staella: What more can you say about these 2?? They're best friends, basically because no one can stand either of them. Another straight girl hooked up with a gay guy. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. These 2 caught the curse of the stolen taxi, and the bad Kharma bit them in the ass, literally.
OK, so what happened on episode 1: Teams left the playboy mansion, got lost, caught 2 flights to Shannon Ireland, first flight was late, Az and Hendekia ordered 2 taxi's for them and Ronald and Christina. Ari and Staella stole the taxi. Teams took 2 ferries, had to ride tandem bikes, got a roadblock (Phil explained what a road block was in that sexy New Zealand accent), one had to pedal a bike on wires across a river, the second partner was suspended below, and ended up at a farm where they had to load 15 bars of peat in baskets on donkeys and then walk the donkeys.
Can I say, first of all, that I want to be a donkey in my next life? And how cool would it be if your spouse or boss was trying to get you to do something you didn't want to do and you just stood still and made donkey noises REALLY LOUD?? Let's all try it this week.
OK, back to the suspense. The NICE people, who treated their donkey's with respect, all made it. Nate and Jennifer got a stubborn donkey, as did Ari and Staella (so much for choosing the donkey who looks "lonely"-that means it's a psycho donkey). About half an hour of the show was spent watching these 2 teams alternate crying and yelling at their donkeys while everyone else passed.
Bottom line, Ari and Staella should have never stolen that taxi.
Whoa, good contestants this time-with the exception of the lesbians, not a marriage in the group! Let's mock them:
First up-the Asian dad and his daughter, Ronald and Christina. Dad "wasn't around much when she was growing up". Wouldn't it be funny if against stereotype he was in jail, not working?? I know I'm getting old when Christina's comments that Dad is "almost 60" and doesn't have much time left, so she wants to get to know him while there's still time. I thought 60 was the new 40?
Kynt and Vyxsin-the Goth couple. I hear Maybelline is gonna sign him for their new ad campaign on how to get your lip gloss to stay put for hours and hours. "These best friends have been dating on and off for over three years", even though he's totally GAY. You disagree? Their bio says, "together they enjoy shopping, dancing and doing each other’s hair/makeup". No further comment needed.
Lorena and Jason-pondering the marriage questions, although Jason says on national TV, "I'll always feel like one foot is out the door". Hmmm. You think she knew this before it aired the other night? Frankly, the way he treated her while driving (and going the wrong way, mind you), I'm hoping she turns out to be more like Lorena Bobbit.
Kate and Pat: Looooove them. They aren't gonna be "wimps for Jesus" and hold doors open for anyone. Finally, some TV Christians I can get behind. But, please tell me they are not gonna keep dressing to match. I know that lesbian wardrobe can get a little limiting, but c'mon. Also, did I hear one of them really say "Amazing Race is like a love letter to the planet"?? Maybe Phil will get the next Nobel Peace Prize.
Shane and Jennifer. Here's the team to HATE, and I don't think I'm going out on a limb here. I thought they were sisters, but I think they got their noses and breasts from the same guy. Would it be wrong of me to suggest that there really were 10 contestants but 2 of Hefner's "girls next door" escaped under the ruse of running the Amazing race?
TK and Rachel. EEWWWWW. Like, it's leg 1 and these 2 already look dirty and disheveled. These 2 are newly dating, she owns a high-end flower show and he's a substitute teacher. I think that's code for unemployed surfer.
Mariana and Julia: these 2 are a little too close for me.
Nate and Jennifer. I'm thinking these 2 are gonna win the award for most usage of the word "baby". And, GOD I HATE THAT!!! Although there wasn't a lot of baby talk when the donkey wasn't moving. Key line from their bios: " both admit they couldn't stand each other at first, but soon grew closer and started dating". Given they've broken up several times in 2 years, should be good to watch them fight their way around the world.
Nicholas and Donald, grandfather and son-The son is a friggin airline pilot, even though I don't think he's old enough to reach the pedals. Granddad seems to like to curse a lot, so you gotta respect that. Does the Asian daughter know he's 68 and still breathing?
Azaria and Hendekia-OK, it took me almost the whole show to figure out they are actually brother and sister, not married. Again, a little creepy but they seem to get along. First place, baby!! They won a trip for 2 to Banff, which is also a little creepy to think about. My money is (literally) on them winning the whole thing.
Ari and Staella: What more can you say about these 2?? They're best friends, basically because no one can stand either of them. Another straight girl hooked up with a gay guy. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. These 2 caught the curse of the stolen taxi, and the bad Kharma bit them in the ass, literally.
OK, so what happened on episode 1: Teams left the playboy mansion, got lost, caught 2 flights to Shannon Ireland, first flight was late, Az and Hendekia ordered 2 taxi's for them and Ronald and Christina. Ari and Staella stole the taxi. Teams took 2 ferries, had to ride tandem bikes, got a roadblock (Phil explained what a road block was in that sexy New Zealand accent), one had to pedal a bike on wires across a river, the second partner was suspended below, and ended up at a farm where they had to load 15 bars of peat in baskets on donkeys and then walk the donkeys.
Can I say, first of all, that I want to be a donkey in my next life? And how cool would it be if your spouse or boss was trying to get you to do something you didn't want to do and you just stood still and made donkey noises REALLY LOUD?? Let's all try it this week.
OK, back to the suspense. The NICE people, who treated their donkey's with respect, all made it. Nate and Jennifer got a stubborn donkey, as did Ari and Staella (so much for choosing the donkey who looks "lonely"-that means it's a psycho donkey). About half an hour of the show was spent watching these 2 teams alternate crying and yelling at their donkeys while everyone else passed.
Bottom line, Ari and Staella should have never stolen that taxi.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Rant for the Day: No Hugs
I usually wake up to the Today's show. And it's usually about half an hour after I get out of bed, snuggle on the couch with a cup of coffee and some warm socks. Watching the Today's show something usually comes on the air that snaps my head back and makes me say, "are you f*^$%ing kidding me"??
Today it was a story on the schools around the country and their "no hugs" policies. Interestingly enough, the policies aren't designed to stop twenty-something female teachers trying to cop a feel of some 14 year old male a$%, but to stop all student-to-student displays of affection.
According to one principal, the policy stems from kids sharing hugs tying up the hallways. Yea, we wouldn't want the kids with guns running through the hallways to get tied up in traffic on the way to the shooting. Also, they say it's a result of some kids getting romantic in the hallways, and others getting hugs they don't want.
I can remember in my high school days there were always those couples that had to be joined at the groin between every class. Inappropriate public displays of affection? You bet. Did it scar me for life? Not particularly. Did I want to be one of those kids? Well......sometimes. Was I? Not even close, darn it.
Am I missing something in today's schools where one child or, more likely, parent can complain about some perceived injustice and we roll out a no-tolerance policy? What are we teaching our kids here? That anything that you don't personally like you can ban from all of society? How about using the hugs to teach what's appropriate and what's not appropriate PDA? How about we sit down with the groin huggers and discuss why what they are doing might bother some people and, frankly, isn't good for either of them.
And, how about we teach the greatest lesson one could ever learn in life: if something bothers you, nicely ask the botherer to stop. If you're not a hugger, learn to say, "I appreciate how you feel, but I'm just not a touchy-feely person". Believe me, that will help you out of MANY situations in life.
What's next, we ban people looking at each other, because the social phobics have a hard time with that? I mean, why not just bring on the burka's and the lowered eyes in public because it seems to me this is where it's all going.
I seriously think it all comes down to the fact that via email, blogging, and text messaging, we've lost the ability to interact one on one. How much easier is it to fire off an email to someone who you perceive has injured you, than to pick up the phone or go in person and have a conversation? Both kids and parents rely too much on a third party to solve their problems. What ever happened to calling up Johnny's parents and saying, "Becky mentioned to me that Johnny wants to hug her every time they're together, and she's a little uncomfortable. Could you talk to your son?" I know, I know. It doesn't work. Johnny will get mad that his parents were discussing him, Becky will get mad because you talked to them, and Johnny's parents will probably take it as a personal attack on their parenting skills. Better I call in the principal of the school, and the school board and try to solve this problem. But wouldn't it be better if we could all give and take honest feedback without having an allergic reaction?
Damn, I need another cup of coffee and a hug.
Today it was a story on the schools around the country and their "no hugs" policies. Interestingly enough, the policies aren't designed to stop twenty-something female teachers trying to cop a feel of some 14 year old male a$%, but to stop all student-to-student displays of affection.
According to one principal, the policy stems from kids sharing hugs tying up the hallways. Yea, we wouldn't want the kids with guns running through the hallways to get tied up in traffic on the way to the shooting. Also, they say it's a result of some kids getting romantic in the hallways, and others getting hugs they don't want.
I can remember in my high school days there were always those couples that had to be joined at the groin between every class. Inappropriate public displays of affection? You bet. Did it scar me for life? Not particularly. Did I want to be one of those kids? Well......sometimes. Was I? Not even close, darn it.
Am I missing something in today's schools where one child or, more likely, parent can complain about some perceived injustice and we roll out a no-tolerance policy? What are we teaching our kids here? That anything that you don't personally like you can ban from all of society? How about using the hugs to teach what's appropriate and what's not appropriate PDA? How about we sit down with the groin huggers and discuss why what they are doing might bother some people and, frankly, isn't good for either of them.
And, how about we teach the greatest lesson one could ever learn in life: if something bothers you, nicely ask the botherer to stop. If you're not a hugger, learn to say, "I appreciate how you feel, but I'm just not a touchy-feely person". Believe me, that will help you out of MANY situations in life.
What's next, we ban people looking at each other, because the social phobics have a hard time with that? I mean, why not just bring on the burka's and the lowered eyes in public because it seems to me this is where it's all going.
I seriously think it all comes down to the fact that via email, blogging, and text messaging, we've lost the ability to interact one on one. How much easier is it to fire off an email to someone who you perceive has injured you, than to pick up the phone or go in person and have a conversation? Both kids and parents rely too much on a third party to solve their problems. What ever happened to calling up Johnny's parents and saying, "Becky mentioned to me that Johnny wants to hug her every time they're together, and she's a little uncomfortable. Could you talk to your son?" I know, I know. It doesn't work. Johnny will get mad that his parents were discussing him, Becky will get mad because you talked to them, and Johnny's parents will probably take it as a personal attack on their parenting skills. Better I call in the principal of the school, and the school board and try to solve this problem. But wouldn't it be better if we could all give and take honest feedback without having an allergic reaction?
Damn, I need another cup of coffee and a hug.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Survivor Update 7
Ok, so I'm guessing Courtney missed that "everything you need to know in life you learned in kindergarten" book that was out a couple years ago. Oh, yea, she probably doesn't read. Anyway, that girl does not know how to get along with others!! She's mad at Jean-Robert, then she's mad at Todd and everyone else 'cause they won't join her anti Jean-Robert clique. Wasn't she in "Mean Girls Suck?" My favorite Courtney line: "I dislike everyone else more than I dislike Todd and Amanda. I think they mistake that for friendship.” Maybe while she's in the hatch for her anorexia, they can work on her anger issues.
James gets the second immunity hunk o'wood and hides them both in his pants. Fortunately they're big enough... In his haste, he leaves the non-immunity hunk o'the set on the ground, where Jaime finds it and searches through James' pants and feels that he has 2 of them. Being a blonde, she assumes this is an immunity idol lying on the ground, and what with James' TWO, assumes there must be 3 of 'em. Again, DON'T THESE PEOPLE WATCH SURVIVOR????? She talks it over with Erick while laying on the bamboo "bed", but he's so consumed with being in a bed with a hot Christian, he doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.
Survivors go to reward challenge and (SHOCK) find out they are merged and get bad-ass black buffs. OOOOOh. They also get a feast with a TRADITIONAL CHINESE ACROBAT SHOW. When they do this crap, they should have words going across the bottom that says, "see, we're not exploiting this ancient society, just celebrating it". Jeff also warns them, "the game never stops" (cue the dramatic music). Survivors run off to the all you can eat Chinese buffet, with 5 meat and 5 veggie entrees. Wonder if they got soup and egg rolls too.
Hae Da Fung (Black Fighting Wind) is the new name. Me? I woulda gone with Wha Da Fuk.
Jeff shows up at camp. which I think might be UNPRECEDENTED, and proceeds to have the immunity challenge right then and there, with the unveiling of the Survivor China Immunity Necklace. Challenge is the "who stayed sober enough to remember the feast" challenge. Tough questions: “How many times did the fireworks go off during the celebration?” , “The four cultural dancers wore what on their feet?” and "Was that dog in the meat dishes??" Frosti wins immunity!!
In preparation for Tribal, everyone has an opinion on who should go. Jean-Robert threatens Todd to get PG off, Jaime tries to get Frosti back by telling him they have the immunity idol, she also tells Todd she knows who has it and it he saves her she'll reveal all tomorrow (cause she's MUCH SMARTER THAN SHE LOOKS).
Who is the Zhan Hu mastermind-PG or Jaime? Will the unbalanced and hungry Courtney screw Fei Long over? Will there be a dramatic twist and Jean-Robert goes?? MOST IMPORTANTLY: Will Jaime pull out her hunk of wood, thinking it's the immunity idol??
I actually think that may have been one of the funniest scenes in Survivor history when Jaime hands Jeff the "idol", and he gets to say, "there is an immunity idol in the game, and unfortunately this isn't it" while he pitches it into the fire. Wouldn't it be funny if next week, PG and Erick carry all sorts of pieces of the set to Tribal and keep interrupting the vote reading with, "hey Jeff, hows about this piece of MDF??"
Anyway, Jaime is the first person to sit on the jury. Hopefully Erick will join her and they can continue to not have sex for the remaining 15 days.
James gets the second immunity hunk o'wood and hides them both in his pants. Fortunately they're big enough... In his haste, he leaves the non-immunity hunk o'the set on the ground, where Jaime finds it and searches through James' pants and feels that he has 2 of them. Being a blonde, she assumes this is an immunity idol lying on the ground, and what with James' TWO, assumes there must be 3 of 'em. Again, DON'T THESE PEOPLE WATCH SURVIVOR????? She talks it over with Erick while laying on the bamboo "bed", but he's so consumed with being in a bed with a hot Christian, he doesn't know what the hell she's talking about.
Survivors go to reward challenge and (SHOCK) find out they are merged and get bad-ass black buffs. OOOOOh. They also get a feast with a TRADITIONAL CHINESE ACROBAT SHOW. When they do this crap, they should have words going across the bottom that says, "see, we're not exploiting this ancient society, just celebrating it". Jeff also warns them, "the game never stops" (cue the dramatic music). Survivors run off to the all you can eat Chinese buffet, with 5 meat and 5 veggie entrees. Wonder if they got soup and egg rolls too.
Hae Da Fung (Black Fighting Wind) is the new name. Me? I woulda gone with Wha Da Fuk.
Jeff shows up at camp. which I think might be UNPRECEDENTED, and proceeds to have the immunity challenge right then and there, with the unveiling of the Survivor China Immunity Necklace. Challenge is the "who stayed sober enough to remember the feast" challenge. Tough questions: “How many times did the fireworks go off during the celebration?” , “The four cultural dancers wore what on their feet?” and "Was that dog in the meat dishes??" Frosti wins immunity!!
In preparation for Tribal, everyone has an opinion on who should go. Jean-Robert threatens Todd to get PG off, Jaime tries to get Frosti back by telling him they have the immunity idol, she also tells Todd she knows who has it and it he saves her she'll reveal all tomorrow (cause she's MUCH SMARTER THAN SHE LOOKS).
Who is the Zhan Hu mastermind-PG or Jaime? Will the unbalanced and hungry Courtney screw Fei Long over? Will there be a dramatic twist and Jean-Robert goes?? MOST IMPORTANTLY: Will Jaime pull out her hunk of wood, thinking it's the immunity idol??
I actually think that may have been one of the funniest scenes in Survivor history when Jaime hands Jeff the "idol", and he gets to say, "there is an immunity idol in the game, and unfortunately this isn't it" while he pitches it into the fire. Wouldn't it be funny if next week, PG and Erick carry all sorts of pieces of the set to Tribal and keep interrupting the vote reading with, "hey Jeff, hows about this piece of MDF??"
Anyway, Jaime is the first person to sit on the jury. Hopefully Erick will join her and they can continue to not have sex for the remaining 15 days.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Phoebe at 5 months
Phoebe at almost 5 months. Her nose is getting really long, coat is losing the puppiness and the teeth are getting HUGE. 
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Survivor China: Week 6
Is it me or did they freakin blow the budget on the tribal council temple, and have to basically pry a piece of plywood off the wall, write on the back of it "this is the immunity idol" and re-glue it back on?? What the heck? How do you walk around camp and to/from tribal with a big hunk of wood in your pocket? Hey, is that an immunity idol in your pants or are you glad to see Jeff??
Todd and Amanda hatch a plan to win the reward challenge and get the next clue for the immunity idol, that basically no one knows exists. Which reminds me, where the heck has Amanda been all show? Talk about under the radar, that girl is basically non-existent. Todd, on the other hand, is the self-designated puppet-master of Survivor China. What a laugh. I know some people like Todd, but I just don't see it. He's a skinny little weasel who thinks he's smarter than he is. I laugh out loud every time they flash his name and "flight attendant" next to it, because you KNOW you would die of thirst on a flight while he flirted with the other male attendants back in the galley. You can just see him saying, "um, NOOOO, we don't have any pillows or blankets for the 7 hour red eye. I gave them all out to the hottie in first class who promised me front row tickets to the Vegas Barry Mannilow show. Plus, what do you expect for $900, comfort??"
Reward Challenge: tribe members will run through a Chinese house, pulling puzzle pieces off the wall, and using a giant cereal decoder ring, unveil a saying made famous by Confucius. To which, Courtney probably said, "is that the guy who produces Survivor that I slept with?". Wanna know what you're playing for? A shared bath, a snack and the opportunity to take a dump in a western toilet.
PG confronts Sherea, who I believe she hated when they were team-mates, and tells her "we threw the challenge for you and Frosti". Yea, thanks for that but I think I'll try to get along with this STRONG, WINNING tribe I'm now on. Zhan Hu, even with a crafty Asian, fails to decode the puzzle, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" and Fei Long wins, kidnapping James back into the fold, which was a GREAT choice, once he steps in the open shower and proceeds to wash his massive butt crack. Mmm Mmm Mmm, talk about winning a snack!
After the bath, Todd sashays up to James and offers to save his life if he shares his bamboo tube. WHOA, this is a family show, Todd!! James opens the tube up and finds out there is an immunity idol and decides to work with Todd the mastermind.
Back at the camp, Todd and Amanda oh-so-smoothly start ripping wood off the set, which immediately gets Frosti interested. Who would have thought Frosti likes to trash public property! Frosti climbs up and joins in the vandalism, knocking the cheap-ass wooden idol off in the dirt. Todd has a hissy fit, further giving it away. Todd and Amanda are forced to bring Frosti into the fold, but then they go around and basically tell everyone about the idol anyway.
There's got to be another Confucius saying about scheming, because it NEVER works right in this game. Fei Long sends James back to Zhan with the big ol' piece of wood under his jacket with a stupid plan to lose the challenge, pull out the idol and then get rid of Jaime.
Ok, now I have to admit I usually don't mind these food challenges but I can't even write the words "chicken fetus" without getting the dry heaves. The teams square off and eat bad Chinese food. Frosti vs PG in a chicken heart eating contest, winner Frosti. Next up Courtney and Jaime and eels. Both chomp them down but Jaime does it quicker. Anyone else notice Courtney's uncanny ability to regurgitate 2 eels as if she does it anorexically every day?? Amanda and Erik up with 3 baby turtles, which I think PETA will once again have a problem with. Erik wins, and Denise is up against James, which one would think would be a slam dunk win for Fei Long. I'll skip how this went down, or didn't as the case may be. Final two-Frosti and Erik chow down on the famous thousand year egg, and Zhan Hu wins immunity.
Back at the camp, the decision is made to get rid of Sherea. Courtney goes on her never-ending tirade about Jean-Robert, and of course everyone ignores her. I'm still thinking you will one day see Courtney and Jean-Robert in a tryst, but for now she's still keeping up the "i hate him 'cause he hates me" front. At tribal council, Sherea tells JR that everyone hates him. Wow, that must hurt. But, in the end, Sherea becomes the 6th person voted off.
Todd and Amanda hatch a plan to win the reward challenge and get the next clue for the immunity idol, that basically no one knows exists. Which reminds me, where the heck has Amanda been all show? Talk about under the radar, that girl is basically non-existent. Todd, on the other hand, is the self-designated puppet-master of Survivor China. What a laugh. I know some people like Todd, but I just don't see it. He's a skinny little weasel who thinks he's smarter than he is. I laugh out loud every time they flash his name and "flight attendant" next to it, because you KNOW you would die of thirst on a flight while he flirted with the other male attendants back in the galley. You can just see him saying, "um, NOOOO, we don't have any pillows or blankets for the 7 hour red eye. I gave them all out to the hottie in first class who promised me front row tickets to the Vegas Barry Mannilow show. Plus, what do you expect for $900, comfort??"
Reward Challenge: tribe members will run through a Chinese house, pulling puzzle pieces off the wall, and using a giant cereal decoder ring, unveil a saying made famous by Confucius. To which, Courtney probably said, "is that the guy who produces Survivor that I slept with?". Wanna know what you're playing for? A shared bath, a snack and the opportunity to take a dump in a western toilet.
PG confronts Sherea, who I believe she hated when they were team-mates, and tells her "we threw the challenge for you and Frosti". Yea, thanks for that but I think I'll try to get along with this STRONG, WINNING tribe I'm now on. Zhan Hu, even with a crafty Asian, fails to decode the puzzle, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" and Fei Long wins, kidnapping James back into the fold, which was a GREAT choice, once he steps in the open shower and proceeds to wash his massive butt crack. Mmm Mmm Mmm, talk about winning a snack!
After the bath, Todd sashays up to James and offers to save his life if he shares his bamboo tube. WHOA, this is a family show, Todd!! James opens the tube up and finds out there is an immunity idol and decides to work with Todd the mastermind.
Back at the camp, Todd and Amanda oh-so-smoothly start ripping wood off the set, which immediately gets Frosti interested. Who would have thought Frosti likes to trash public property! Frosti climbs up and joins in the vandalism, knocking the cheap-ass wooden idol off in the dirt. Todd has a hissy fit, further giving it away. Todd and Amanda are forced to bring Frosti into the fold, but then they go around and basically tell everyone about the idol anyway.
There's got to be another Confucius saying about scheming, because it NEVER works right in this game. Fei Long sends James back to Zhan with the big ol' piece of wood under his jacket with a stupid plan to lose the challenge, pull out the idol and then get rid of Jaime.
Ok, now I have to admit I usually don't mind these food challenges but I can't even write the words "chicken fetus" without getting the dry heaves. The teams square off and eat bad Chinese food. Frosti vs PG in a chicken heart eating contest, winner Frosti. Next up Courtney and Jaime and eels. Both chomp them down but Jaime does it quicker. Anyone else notice Courtney's uncanny ability to regurgitate 2 eels as if she does it anorexically every day?? Amanda and Erik up with 3 baby turtles, which I think PETA will once again have a problem with. Erik wins, and Denise is up against James, which one would think would be a slam dunk win for Fei Long. I'll skip how this went down, or didn't as the case may be. Final two-Frosti and Erik chow down on the famous thousand year egg, and Zhan Hu wins immunity.
Back at the camp, the decision is made to get rid of Sherea. Courtney goes on her never-ending tirade about Jean-Robert, and of course everyone ignores her. I'm still thinking you will one day see Courtney and Jean-Robert in a tryst, but for now she's still keeping up the "i hate him 'cause he hates me" front. At tribal council, Sherea tells JR that everyone hates him. Wow, that must hurt. But, in the end, Sherea becomes the 6th person voted off.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Survivor China Week 5
Aaaahhhh, sooooooo. Where are we this week?
I gotta jump right in and say the Zhan Hu tribe has to win the award for the stupidest in survivor history. Did they REALLY think they could pick up 2 strong members from the other team without having to give up 2 people?? Did none of them even THINK it was possible??
Nice little interlude with Jaime and Erik, especially touching to hear Erik has been saving himself all these years to give up his virginity on a national TV reality show. At least, I HOPE that's what's gonna happen. Nothing like hearing a guy like Erik's a virgin to get you to spill your guts on the immunity idol. Shit, I'd have given him my MAC pin code!
And, talk about WIERD moments, did I not hear James say he thought Denise, of all people, was attractive?? What is in the rice out there??? Where in the world would a mullet headed, flash-dance ripped shirt wearing lunch lady be considered attractive??? HOLY CRAP. Me thinks he's been digging graves too long.
And, what's FROSTI's story? I gotta go look it up, I can't even figure out his nationality (Japanese and Russian). The fact that Fei Long thinks he and Sherea are the strongest members of Zhan Hu tells the whole story! Here's a direct Frosti quote ""Zhan Hu and Fei Long just flipped! We’re now 7-5 instead of 5-7, and we have a huge advantage!" Idiots.
Back on Fei Long, James and Aaron are chosen, instead of the expected James and Jean-Robert, which puts JR in a total snit. Frankly, if I had to give up James and Aaron in exchange for Frosti and Sherea, I think I would throw myself in the fire pit.
No reward challenge this week, just the switch and a basket of food and drink for all. The next morning Fei Long wakes up and starts to bag on JR for working, and Sherea thinks she's died and gone to lazy heaven. Frosti, that crafty snowman, thinks JR might be the next target.
Prior to the immunity challenge, Jaime and PG dream up the idea of throwing the challenge to get rid of one of the two strongest members. Yea, you wouldn't want to actually KEEP someone who could win a challenge would ya?
Immunity challenge involving SWIMMING OUT TO A DOCK AND SWIMMING BACK. What a novel idea! Oh, did anybody else notice they had on swimsuits???? Either I was up refilling my wine glass or they didn't even comment on giving them back their suits.
This time, they have to dive down and un-spear 12 signs of the zodiac. Oh, did the chinese invent the zodiac too? The cultural lessons never end do they. Frosti and JR vs Erik and Aaron basically get the disks at about the same time, and haul them back to shore where James, PG and Jaime are waiting. Actually, PG and Jaime are playing cards and doin' each other's hair. Not to be OBVIOUS or anything! These 2 are laughing and screwing up the challenge so obviously even Jeff has to comment on it. I mean, c'mon, an Asian unable to do a puzzle? Who was she kidding.
Back at camp, they continue to act like idiots, laughing and basically giving it away. Erik confronts Jaime who tells him what they did. You know he wants to be mad and vote with the men but, damn she's a hot christian. HEY, notice Jaime didn't say, "me too" when the whole virginity thing came up!
Tribal council. Ok, whatever else happens here I just gotta say, Asians chicks SHOULD NOT try to wear buffs on their heads. It should just be a rule. James hears the girls threw the challenge and says, "send me home". YES, SEND JAMES HOME, NOT AARON!!!!!! PLEEEEAAAASSSEEE. Aaron is voted out. I'm guessing we're gonna see some real chinese fireworks when this tribe gets back.
I gotta jump right in and say the Zhan Hu tribe has to win the award for the stupidest in survivor history. Did they REALLY think they could pick up 2 strong members from the other team without having to give up 2 people?? Did none of them even THINK it was possible??
Nice little interlude with Jaime and Erik, especially touching to hear Erik has been saving himself all these years to give up his virginity on a national TV reality show. At least, I HOPE that's what's gonna happen. Nothing like hearing a guy like Erik's a virgin to get you to spill your guts on the immunity idol. Shit, I'd have given him my MAC pin code!
And, talk about WIERD moments, did I not hear James say he thought Denise, of all people, was attractive?? What is in the rice out there??? Where in the world would a mullet headed, flash-dance ripped shirt wearing lunch lady be considered attractive??? HOLY CRAP. Me thinks he's been digging graves too long.
And, what's FROSTI's story? I gotta go look it up, I can't even figure out his nationality (Japanese and Russian). The fact that Fei Long thinks he and Sherea are the strongest members of Zhan Hu tells the whole story! Here's a direct Frosti quote ""Zhan Hu and Fei Long just flipped! We’re now 7-5 instead of 5-7, and we have a huge advantage!" Idiots.
Back on Fei Long, James and Aaron are chosen, instead of the expected James and Jean-Robert, which puts JR in a total snit. Frankly, if I had to give up James and Aaron in exchange for Frosti and Sherea, I think I would throw myself in the fire pit.
No reward challenge this week, just the switch and a basket of food and drink for all. The next morning Fei Long wakes up and starts to bag on JR for working, and Sherea thinks she's died and gone to lazy heaven. Frosti, that crafty snowman, thinks JR might be the next target.
Prior to the immunity challenge, Jaime and PG dream up the idea of throwing the challenge to get rid of one of the two strongest members. Yea, you wouldn't want to actually KEEP someone who could win a challenge would ya?
Immunity challenge involving SWIMMING OUT TO A DOCK AND SWIMMING BACK. What a novel idea! Oh, did anybody else notice they had on swimsuits???? Either I was up refilling my wine glass or they didn't even comment on giving them back their suits.
This time, they have to dive down and un-spear 12 signs of the zodiac. Oh, did the chinese invent the zodiac too? The cultural lessons never end do they. Frosti and JR vs Erik and Aaron basically get the disks at about the same time, and haul them back to shore where James, PG and Jaime are waiting. Actually, PG and Jaime are playing cards and doin' each other's hair. Not to be OBVIOUS or anything! These 2 are laughing and screwing up the challenge so obviously even Jeff has to comment on it. I mean, c'mon, an Asian unable to do a puzzle? Who was she kidding.
Back at camp, they continue to act like idiots, laughing and basically giving it away. Erik confronts Jaime who tells him what they did. You know he wants to be mad and vote with the men but, damn she's a hot christian. HEY, notice Jaime didn't say, "me too" when the whole virginity thing came up!
Tribal council. Ok, whatever else happens here I just gotta say, Asians chicks SHOULD NOT try to wear buffs on their heads. It should just be a rule. James hears the girls threw the challenge and says, "send me home". YES, SEND JAMES HOME, NOT AARON!!!!!! PLEEEEAAAASSSEEE. Aaron is voted out. I'm guessing we're gonna see some real chinese fireworks when this tribe gets back.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Survivor China: Week 4
Man, is it me or is the censor going nuts this season? I wonder if, because they didn't get to chose their clothes, the show is being more careful with their modesty? Cause, they soft focused about 1 inch of Dave's butt crack last week, and I can see more than that walking down the street behind a dude with his pants hanging off his hips. Funny that butt crack is out of bounds, but you can show your entire breast as long as the nipple is covered. I've clearly given this a lot of thought, haven't I??
OK, how cool was the Jean-Robert/Courtney slap down? Like, that girl needs a little protein in her system to get over herself. JR told her not to touch the hot pot (maybe because he didn't want to see her holding her delicate little hands up in the air anymore) and she went nuts. I think I would have snapped her in half and thrown her on the fire as kindling. Can't BELIEVE she is still there and not in a ward with an IV in her arm.
Not to be outdone on irrational, we next get to see Sherea and Dave go at it over the moldy rice and throwing out some shells he wants for his mom. OK, that's kinda weird. Buy her a cheap painted porcelain kitty with a waving arm like everyone else does at the Beijing airport, Dave.
Up next, the continuation of our lesson in "what is China good for", we have a reward challenge with fireworks. I actually liked this challenge because it didn't involve swimming out somewhere and bringing something back from the lagoon like 99% of Survivor challenges do. This one looked kind of hard to do, carrying a flaming ball with large "chopsticks" into the "wok" to set off the "fireworks". WOW, 3 lessons in chinese culture in one challenge. Fei Long wins reward, which is chinese takeout delivered by a family. No labor laws in China, that's for sure!! Fei Long also gets to kidnap someone and they take Dave, of all people. Dave gets the "bamboo" (another chinese word!!) tube with the immunity idol clue and shares it with Todd.
Now, I'm sure Todd is a nice guy and all, but I just don't get what everyone sees in him. He seems like a little fairy to me but everyone seems to think he's so smart and trustworthy. Any comments??
Back at Zhan Hu, the losers have to actually get off their asses and do some work. Well, not all of them. Sherea takes it pretty easy. You'd think with all the work Dave did, the camp could go a day or two without a cleaning. Hell, my house is going on a couple months.
So, when the hell did Jean-Robert learn Mandarin Chinese to talk with the fisher-family? I almost dropped my drink when he came out with it. Like, "oh, yea, I learned a bit as a child and, like riding a bike, once you learn Chinese you never forget it." Um, isn't there like 10 bazillion characters in Chinese? I took Spanish for 5 years as a child and can't even remember the difference between an enchilada and a tamale. Not to be a bragger, but I still can ask where the library is.
OK, WHERE WAS PETA WHEN THIS EPISODE WAS AIRING??? Did they really tie strings around the birds necks so they couldn't swallow the fish? Holy crap. Notice they said the strings were loosely tied around their throats. Reeeaaaaallllyyyy. And, now, finally Denise says something ("a lunch cafeteria woman isn't much of an expert of food"), which reminds me I haven't gotten around to bagging on her. What's up with the mullet and the flash-dance outfit??
Immunity Challenge: Warrior's Duel. Possibly my favorite so far, mainly since the contestants HAD CLOTHES ON. Man, I am soooo tired of that bali support bra flapping in my face. But, were those ancient ming dynasty vases they were smashing?? I was impressed, Courtney managed to throw her rocks past her own shadow. Jaime kicked some serious butt (maybe she lived in China and played this in the schoolyard when SHE was a kid??)
Off to tribal council again for Zhan Hu. Lots of back and forth, but it just goes to show you that anal rigidity is worse than being a lazy bitch, as Dave goes back to bartending.
OK, how cool was the Jean-Robert/Courtney slap down? Like, that girl needs a little protein in her system to get over herself. JR told her not to touch the hot pot (maybe because he didn't want to see her holding her delicate little hands up in the air anymore) and she went nuts. I think I would have snapped her in half and thrown her on the fire as kindling. Can't BELIEVE she is still there and not in a ward with an IV in her arm.
Not to be outdone on irrational, we next get to see Sherea and Dave go at it over the moldy rice and throwing out some shells he wants for his mom. OK, that's kinda weird. Buy her a cheap painted porcelain kitty with a waving arm like everyone else does at the Beijing airport, Dave.
Up next, the continuation of our lesson in "what is China good for", we have a reward challenge with fireworks. I actually liked this challenge because it didn't involve swimming out somewhere and bringing something back from the lagoon like 99% of Survivor challenges do. This one looked kind of hard to do, carrying a flaming ball with large "chopsticks" into the "wok" to set off the "fireworks". WOW, 3 lessons in chinese culture in one challenge. Fei Long wins reward, which is chinese takeout delivered by a family. No labor laws in China, that's for sure!! Fei Long also gets to kidnap someone and they take Dave, of all people. Dave gets the "bamboo" (another chinese word!!) tube with the immunity idol clue and shares it with Todd.
Now, I'm sure Todd is a nice guy and all, but I just don't get what everyone sees in him. He seems like a little fairy to me but everyone seems to think he's so smart and trustworthy. Any comments??
Back at Zhan Hu, the losers have to actually get off their asses and do some work. Well, not all of them. Sherea takes it pretty easy. You'd think with all the work Dave did, the camp could go a day or two without a cleaning. Hell, my house is going on a couple months.
So, when the hell did Jean-Robert learn Mandarin Chinese to talk with the fisher-family? I almost dropped my drink when he came out with it. Like, "oh, yea, I learned a bit as a child and, like riding a bike, once you learn Chinese you never forget it." Um, isn't there like 10 bazillion characters in Chinese? I took Spanish for 5 years as a child and can't even remember the difference between an enchilada and a tamale. Not to be a bragger, but I still can ask where the library is.
OK, WHERE WAS PETA WHEN THIS EPISODE WAS AIRING??? Did they really tie strings around the birds necks so they couldn't swallow the fish? Holy crap. Notice they said the strings were loosely tied around their throats. Reeeaaaaallllyyyy. And, now, finally Denise says something ("a lunch cafeteria woman isn't much of an expert of food"), which reminds me I haven't gotten around to bagging on her. What's up with the mullet and the flash-dance outfit??
Immunity Challenge: Warrior's Duel. Possibly my favorite so far, mainly since the contestants HAD CLOTHES ON. Man, I am soooo tired of that bali support bra flapping in my face. But, were those ancient ming dynasty vases they were smashing?? I was impressed, Courtney managed to throw her rocks past her own shadow. Jaime kicked some serious butt (maybe she lived in China and played this in the schoolyard when SHE was a kid??)
Off to tribal council again for Zhan Hu. Lots of back and forth, but it just goes to show you that anal rigidity is worse than being a lazy bitch, as Dave goes back to bartending.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Survivor Update: Episode 3
First off, sorry for the missing episode 2 summary! Good bye Ashley, we hardly knew ya.
Ok, I gotta just jump right to the end here and say, there is one less Christian in communist China today. Anyone hear Leslie's final words? Um, not to knock the whole born again Christian thing, but is it me or do y'all really think the Lord is watching Survivor? Might explain the state of affairs in the world, but still. I just can't see Jesus sitting up on a puffy cloud, looking down and seeing Leslie is a little down and handing her the kidnapping and the special clue. First of all, if he was looking down, he woulda sent a few more fig leaves to this last episode.
Does Jean-Robert look like The Rock to anyone else?? What a character. Love the snuggling and snoring. And especially LOVED the "what's better than a million dollars-a million dollars and sex" comment. Where else but Survivor do you get men REALLY being themselves? Ya certainly don't hear any of that heartfelt honesty on Dr. Phil. I do, however, totally agree with him that Courtney is an anorexic. That chick is too skinny for day 7. They'll be airlifting her off the island before the merge.
And, speaking of Courtney and the anorexia, who else would believe a crab could be stretched to feed 8 people. She was probably looking around for Tupperware for the leftovers.
Hey, when Dave finally gets the boot do you think I can hire him to do a few chores around my house. DAMN, what woman couldn't use a man like THAT. And, PG, what's up with her and the nagging. You'd of thought she didn't want him to get too tired for sex or something. OOH, Dave, don't chop those little nuts, you'll waste your strength.
Reward challenge-a little man on man and woman on woman action going on. Damn, this is some good TV. How do you suppose you get the job as pixalator on this show? Maybe Jeff does it himself, although I wouldn't want to look at some of those bodies more than once. The Victoria Secret Angels Runway show it was not. Let me just ask the men here, why would you dangle yourself out in a wrestling match?? I mean, doesn't that just give your opponent a handle to grab? Or is that the point (wink wink).
Zhan Hu wins reward, and in an ironic twist, their reward comes with Leslie, who gets the tube of immunity clues. Is it me or do the others not ask anyone HEY, WHAT'S IN THE TUBE??? Once at their camp, the tribe sings Kumbaya and everyone is dunked into a pool of water to root out the real Christians, who float. Ok, I made that part up but this Christian thing gets on my nerves. Since Leslie was busy "showing the love of Christ", I guess she didn't realize she was spilling her tribe's guts. Leslie gives Jaime the immunity clue, lest it get into the hands of a NON-BELIEVER. Jaime can't quite find the idol, but I think tomorrow she's gonna put on her tinfoil hat and better direct God's words.
Immunity challenge. I think the challenge had to do with chopping ropes to get heavy wooden disks, assembling them and then dragging them over the finish line. But, basically it became a challenge of how long Courtney could roll her eyes and whimper about doing work. Man, she is so damn annoying. When she finally saws through the rope, the rest of her team HAULs ASS to make up for her. Unfortunately, it isn't enough and immunity goes to Zhan Hu.
At this point, I was SURE Courtney would be going, especially since she then spent the next 20 minutes of show time holding her limp useless hands up in front of everyone's face. Instead, the vote goes between Leslie and Jean-Robert, with Leslie sealing her own fate by rambling on about the other tribe's heart.
Ok, I gotta just jump right to the end here and say, there is one less Christian in communist China today. Anyone hear Leslie's final words? Um, not to knock the whole born again Christian thing, but is it me or do y'all really think the Lord is watching Survivor? Might explain the state of affairs in the world, but still. I just can't see Jesus sitting up on a puffy cloud, looking down and seeing Leslie is a little down and handing her the kidnapping and the special clue. First of all, if he was looking down, he woulda sent a few more fig leaves to this last episode.
Does Jean-Robert look like The Rock to anyone else?? What a character. Love the snuggling and snoring. And especially LOVED the "what's better than a million dollars-a million dollars and sex" comment. Where else but Survivor do you get men REALLY being themselves? Ya certainly don't hear any of that heartfelt honesty on Dr. Phil. I do, however, totally agree with him that Courtney is an anorexic. That chick is too skinny for day 7. They'll be airlifting her off the island before the merge.
And, speaking of Courtney and the anorexia, who else would believe a crab could be stretched to feed 8 people. She was probably looking around for Tupperware for the leftovers.
Hey, when Dave finally gets the boot do you think I can hire him to do a few chores around my house. DAMN, what woman couldn't use a man like THAT. And, PG, what's up with her and the nagging. You'd of thought she didn't want him to get too tired for sex or something. OOH, Dave, don't chop those little nuts, you'll waste your strength.
Reward challenge-a little man on man and woman on woman action going on. Damn, this is some good TV. How do you suppose you get the job as pixalator on this show? Maybe Jeff does it himself, although I wouldn't want to look at some of those bodies more than once. The Victoria Secret Angels Runway show it was not. Let me just ask the men here, why would you dangle yourself out in a wrestling match?? I mean, doesn't that just give your opponent a handle to grab? Or is that the point (wink wink).
Zhan Hu wins reward, and in an ironic twist, their reward comes with Leslie, who gets the tube of immunity clues. Is it me or do the others not ask anyone HEY, WHAT'S IN THE TUBE??? Once at their camp, the tribe sings Kumbaya and everyone is dunked into a pool of water to root out the real Christians, who float. Ok, I made that part up but this Christian thing gets on my nerves. Since Leslie was busy "showing the love of Christ", I guess she didn't realize she was spilling her tribe's guts. Leslie gives Jaime the immunity clue, lest it get into the hands of a NON-BELIEVER. Jaime can't quite find the idol, but I think tomorrow she's gonna put on her tinfoil hat and better direct God's words.
Immunity challenge. I think the challenge had to do with chopping ropes to get heavy wooden disks, assembling them and then dragging them over the finish line. But, basically it became a challenge of how long Courtney could roll her eyes and whimper about doing work. Man, she is so damn annoying. When she finally saws through the rope, the rest of her team HAULs ASS to make up for her. Unfortunately, it isn't enough and immunity goes to Zhan Hu.
At this point, I was SURE Courtney would be going, especially since she then spent the next 20 minutes of show time holding her limp useless hands up in front of everyone's face. Instead, the vote goes between Leslie and Jean-Robert, with Leslie sealing her own fate by rambling on about the other tribe's heart.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Survivor China Episode 1
Man, it's a little hard getting back in the swing of it, my head is full of comments! First of all, notice tonight that they have tweaked the soundtrack of SURVIVOR CHINA to reflect that this is a MONUMENTAL UNDERTAKING, NEVER ATTEMPTED BEFORE. Having 16 people actually LIVE in China for 30 plus days. Man. Wait till the 50 bazillion Chinese find out their lives are just one big reality show. I totally can't wait for the Tiannenman Square challenge. And if anyone knows how to spell Tiannenman, you get a gold star for the day.
Ok, so the music is a combination of that African chanting but with a Chinese accent. Kind of haunting and yet simplistic.
My man Jeff is looking dimpled and hot. I was a little disappointed by the safari outfit. I kind of expected him to be in chinese attire, maybe a little velvet hat with a tassel, or a collarless jacket. And some silk elastic waist pants. Ahhhhh.
Where was I? So, you knew when you saw them walking in with tons of luggage that they weren't gonna get to keep any of that. Is that for them to do their hair after they're kicked off? Or don't these people know they are going on Survivor, where you wear the same thing for 30 days. Like, "hey, I think they changed the rules this time and we get to have electricity and change out clothes every day".
So, first lamb up to the slaughter is the christian radio host, Leslie. Um, did you NOT just hear Jeff say the is NOT a religious ceremony at the Buddhist temple? And, did she really say when she walked out that "I'm not really religious but my religion says you can't worship anyone but one God". Yea, they really give those christian radio talk shows to people who are NOT REALLY RELIGIOUS. Good one. Kinda spooky that she hooked right up with the grave digger though. And, can I say that the grave digger is pretty cool. I just may have to take that cremation thing outa my will.
Courtney! Chill girl. Even without the buddhist ceremony, you ain't gonna get to sit under at tree and drink lemonaide until your ass is kicked off this show.
Teams are split into Zhan Hu, meaning Fighting Tiger and Fei Long, meaning Flying Dragon. I was kinda hoping for Chow Mein and Stir Fry as the tribe names for ease in the pool.
First up, the shelter game, which is when all the personalities come out. And believe me, having been recently house hunting with my husband, it ain't just in survivor that the whole shelter fight takes place. Let's see who can, in one day, annoy more people with either anal stubborn tendencies or laziness. Couldn't you just suck it up for one day and say, "just let me know where you want me to hammer in this big stick for ya". I swear these people are all socially retarded in some ways.
Challenge time. I'm guessing the dragons had to get SAG cards, since I can pretty much guarantee that you will see a dragon in every darn challenge. And OH MY GOD. After this challenge you can BET Jeff called Mark Burnett on his honeymoon with Roma and said, "Dagnabbit, get Nike to send us some sports bras and shorts or I'm off this show"!! Holy Bali Underwire, Batman! There ain't enough pixilation for Sherea.
So, blah blah blah, Team Feng Shui ends up victorious and gets fire. I asked my husband where the beaches were. And he laughed and said, "honey, this is China, there ain't no beaches". Huh.
Ok, enough about my marriage. Back at camp, Team Zhan Hu (yea, I had to go back and look it up) compete in the final, who is a bigger a-hole competition, with Chicken in the big hairy chest taking on PG, a local favorite (get it?) in the tight-ass face. Ashley is a close vomiting third.
Final vote? Bye bye Chicken. Back to the farm!
Ok, so the music is a combination of that African chanting but with a Chinese accent. Kind of haunting and yet simplistic.
My man Jeff is looking dimpled and hot. I was a little disappointed by the safari outfit. I kind of expected him to be in chinese attire, maybe a little velvet hat with a tassel, or a collarless jacket. And some silk elastic waist pants. Ahhhhh.
Where was I? So, you knew when you saw them walking in with tons of luggage that they weren't gonna get to keep any of that. Is that for them to do their hair after they're kicked off? Or don't these people know they are going on Survivor, where you wear the same thing for 30 days. Like, "hey, I think they changed the rules this time and we get to have electricity and change out clothes every day".
So, first lamb up to the slaughter is the christian radio host, Leslie. Um, did you NOT just hear Jeff say the is NOT a religious ceremony at the Buddhist temple? And, did she really say when she walked out that "I'm not really religious but my religion says you can't worship anyone but one God". Yea, they really give those christian radio talk shows to people who are NOT REALLY RELIGIOUS. Good one. Kinda spooky that she hooked right up with the grave digger though. And, can I say that the grave digger is pretty cool. I just may have to take that cremation thing outa my will.
Courtney! Chill girl. Even without the buddhist ceremony, you ain't gonna get to sit under at tree and drink lemonaide until your ass is kicked off this show.
Teams are split into Zhan Hu, meaning Fighting Tiger and Fei Long, meaning Flying Dragon. I was kinda hoping for Chow Mein and Stir Fry as the tribe names for ease in the pool.
First up, the shelter game, which is when all the personalities come out. And believe me, having been recently house hunting with my husband, it ain't just in survivor that the whole shelter fight takes place. Let's see who can, in one day, annoy more people with either anal stubborn tendencies or laziness. Couldn't you just suck it up for one day and say, "just let me know where you want me to hammer in this big stick for ya". I swear these people are all socially retarded in some ways.
Challenge time. I'm guessing the dragons had to get SAG cards, since I can pretty much guarantee that you will see a dragon in every darn challenge. And OH MY GOD. After this challenge you can BET Jeff called Mark Burnett on his honeymoon with Roma and said, "Dagnabbit, get Nike to send us some sports bras and shorts or I'm off this show"!! Holy Bali Underwire, Batman! There ain't enough pixilation for Sherea.
So, blah blah blah, Team Feng Shui ends up victorious and gets fire. I asked my husband where the beaches were. And he laughed and said, "honey, this is China, there ain't no beaches". Huh.
Ok, enough about my marriage. Back at camp, Team Zhan Hu (yea, I had to go back and look it up) compete in the final, who is a bigger a-hole competition, with Chicken in the big hairy chest taking on PG, a local favorite (get it?) in the tight-ass face. Ashley is a close vomiting third.
Final vote? Bye bye Chicken. Back to the farm!
Phoebe
Phoebe, aka puppalicious, is a flat-coated retriever, 13 weeks old today, and my first dog ever. She joins 2 cats, Jake and Molly. More on them later...My husband is the dog lover, I've always been afraid of them and with a wealth of good excuses managed to keep us from getting a dog for the 14 and a half year of our marriage. I guess he just wore me down, or I ran out of excuses but the minute I said, "ok, you can start looking for puppies", he found one. Somehow I think he's had a list of breeders in his back pocket for a while.
So, we now have baby gates all around the house and find ourselves saying things like, "did she do poops?" to each other. I, unfortunately, have become the chewy toy of choice. When she went to pre-puppy kindergarten the teacher laughed and said, in the hierarchy of our house, Wil's the alpha parent and I'm the chewy. I've explained to her that I have 2 masters degrees and was once a BIG DEAL in business, with lots of people afraid of me on a daily basis, but she just goes for my feet.
Pirate Master Finale-Part Two
OK, so a day and a half goes by with everyone back on the ship. Mostly the girls lay out in the sun in bikini's, which is the whole point of bringing everyone back.
Jo Dong makes some really wise comments about Christa using her breasts to win, which he appreciates.
Ben and Louie share a moment, with Ben apologizing for throwing the last challenge and asks if Louie will take the 12K he made on that win. Louie says, "damn straight, I'm just here for the money"
OK, so the next night all are called up on deck for another Pirate Court. Ben and Christa get to recruit 3 ghosts each to help them, but in the sexist wisdom of this show each "side" has to have 2 men and 2 women. Each of the ghosts who wants to offers a reason for chosing them. This is really boring, frankly. Everybody wants in. John makes a freaky case for why he "totally believes in Christa's spirit".
Ben offers his 80K winnings so far to the 3 people he choses if he wins. Christa offers her 70K. Which is really funny since earlier they were both talking about making about 110K so far.
They vote. Ben wants Cheryl, Az and Nessa. Christa wants Jay, JOHN for god sake, and Nessa. They have a bidding war over Nessa and Ben offers her an additional 10K win or lose. Christa asks Jay and John if she can offer some of their money to Nessa, and both of these total TOOLS say, "I'd do you for nothing". Oh sorry, they say "I'd help you win for nothing". Christa gets Nessa and Ben takes Jupiter.
The next day is the final challenge. Really. The teams have to row to shore, race up the mountain and into the caves to find an ancient chinese box, with a puzzle key. Interestingly there are 2 ancient chinese boxes that are identical.
Ben's team is ahead but gets passed by Christa's team. Ben gets the clue open first. Next clue is a packet of playing cards which have to be put in order. I guess this is a brain teaser?? Both start doing it but Christa gets all screwed up as to how to do it (don't ask) and Ben's team gets ahead. The side of the organized deck of cards says, "look under the cannon balls". Back into the cave, Az pulls out a big ship's wheel under a bunch of balls. Think Ikea playground. Jay gets tired of waiting for Christa to figure out how to organize the cards and watches Ben's team walk out with the wheel. He gets the wheel and they basically skip the card thing. The next clue says the leader (ben/christa) has to do the next part themselves. Run back up the mountain to Capn. Steele's private quarters. They both run up. Ben beats Christa and hangs the wheel on a coat of arms on the wall. They both are there staring at the clue now. No one gets it. Ben figures it out first and lines up the letters so it says, "PSYCH, the money is in the chest of zanzibar back on the ship". Both now have to go back down the hill carrying a big ass metal chest with a key in it. Ben's gets there first and his team paddles back to the ship with Christa's team following.
Back on the ship, Ben opens a clue in the chest and finds he has to solve ANOTHER DAMN PUZZLE. He's working on it when Christa shows up. Both are neck and neck solving the puzzle.
Ben gets it first and wins the $$.
Jo Dong makes some really wise comments about Christa using her breasts to win, which he appreciates.
Ben and Louie share a moment, with Ben apologizing for throwing the last challenge and asks if Louie will take the 12K he made on that win. Louie says, "damn straight, I'm just here for the money"
OK, so the next night all are called up on deck for another Pirate Court. Ben and Christa get to recruit 3 ghosts each to help them, but in the sexist wisdom of this show each "side" has to have 2 men and 2 women. Each of the ghosts who wants to offers a reason for chosing them. This is really boring, frankly. Everybody wants in. John makes a freaky case for why he "totally believes in Christa's spirit".
Ben offers his 80K winnings so far to the 3 people he choses if he wins. Christa offers her 70K. Which is really funny since earlier they were both talking about making about 110K so far.
They vote. Ben wants Cheryl, Az and Nessa. Christa wants Jay, JOHN for god sake, and Nessa. They have a bidding war over Nessa and Ben offers her an additional 10K win or lose. Christa asks Jay and John if she can offer some of their money to Nessa, and both of these total TOOLS say, "I'd do you for nothing". Oh sorry, they say "I'd help you win for nothing". Christa gets Nessa and Ben takes Jupiter.
The next day is the final challenge. Really. The teams have to row to shore, race up the mountain and into the caves to find an ancient chinese box, with a puzzle key. Interestingly there are 2 ancient chinese boxes that are identical.
Ben's team is ahead but gets passed by Christa's team. Ben gets the clue open first. Next clue is a packet of playing cards which have to be put in order. I guess this is a brain teaser?? Both start doing it but Christa gets all screwed up as to how to do it (don't ask) and Ben's team gets ahead. The side of the organized deck of cards says, "look under the cannon balls". Back into the cave, Az pulls out a big ship's wheel under a bunch of balls. Think Ikea playground. Jay gets tired of waiting for Christa to figure out how to organize the cards and watches Ben's team walk out with the wheel. He gets the wheel and they basically skip the card thing. The next clue says the leader (ben/christa) has to do the next part themselves. Run back up the mountain to Capn. Steele's private quarters. They both run up. Ben beats Christa and hangs the wheel on a coat of arms on the wall. They both are there staring at the clue now. No one gets it. Ben figures it out first and lines up the letters so it says, "PSYCH, the money is in the chest of zanzibar back on the ship". Both now have to go back down the hill carrying a big ass metal chest with a key in it. Ben's gets there first and his team paddles back to the ship with Christa's team following.
Back on the ship, Ben opens a clue in the chest and finds he has to solve ANOTHER DAMN PUZZLE. He's working on it when Christa shows up. Both are neck and neck solving the puzzle.
Ben gets it first and wins the $$.
Pirate Master Finale-Part One
Yes, part one. The final show was 90 minutes long.
Started with a LONG recap of the past 13 weeks. Which I had to watch twice since my computer kicked me off. It didn't even want to watch.
So..... final 3: Christa, Jay and Ben get up and think that today is the final competition. ALL HANDS TO THE MID DECK . Host-Dude, Cameron (in white pants, and thank GOD I watched it tonight and not next Tuesday AFTER LABOR DAY ) , who sent them a cheese plate and 3 bottles of wine last night, tells them the lock holds the HALF MILLION TREAURE. BUT, this is not your final expedition. First, you have to find the first mate's treasure since "he holds all my secrets", which I KNOW is code for sex with the first mate. There's one more challenge before the final 2 go for the gold.
At this point, I thought of killing myself. Really.
There is only one clue, so the 3 have to go down below and copy it. I'm guessing right about now the show was canceled and Burnett had to cut costs. So, all 3 copy a map on one side and a list of latin words and their english meanings on the other. Christa says, "fortunately I know some latin". Hmmm. I guess in addition to spanish and chinese, Sesame Street now does a Latin version.
Here's the challenge: swim to shore, climb space mountain, find a sword on a rope bridge. Yes, I was yelling at the screen "and use the sword to kill both of your competitors, thereby ending the show".
They swim. they run. they get the swords, and the sheaths say go to the pool for the next clue. Ben and Jay take off running, Christa behind. Ben then Jay find the pool and swim around until they find a rock with graffiti on it. Fortunately it's really a clue, not F.U. Pirate Master written on it. They use the latin to translate the clue which says, "drag your sorry asses back up the mountain". Jay and Ben are neck and neck, and go back across the rope bridge where there is a sabotage. Ben sabotages Christa by cutting down the bridge, while Jay says something like, "damn, I probably ain't getting laid tonight afterall". Christa has to stumble around another way in the jungle. She's basically done.
They have to find another pool and swim underwater and translate more latin. This one says, "dudes, the gold is next to the waterfall". Ben finds the treasure.
They drag it back on deck and host-dude opens it. It has 50K and 2 more clues for the finale. Ben, the idiot, splits the 50K with dumb and dumber. Jay and Christa have to go to Pirate Court where SURPRISE!!!!! the ghosts of contestants past make the final decision on who gets to stay.
Christa is in her lucky corset, and she gets to talk first. blah blah blah, everything I did, I did for my daughter. Jay: "hey, I know I'm a jerk but the game is pirate master, not princess master". Lots of drama as the ghosts get to speak. Kendra rips into Christa saying, basically, "I'm sick of you using your daughter as an excuse. If you want to do something for her, get a real job". Joe Dong says, "Christa was a follower, Jay was a leader". John, that weird dude, says something about how hot he is for Christa and uses the term Machiavellian , correctly I might add.
They vote. Christa gets one vote, Jay 12. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE..... Host dude says, Jay, you aren't cut adrift tonight but you will join the ghosts, who will all continue the adventure WHICH IS FAR FROM OVER......
Cue the spooky Pirate Master music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Started with a LONG recap of the past 13 weeks. Which I had to watch twice since my computer kicked me off. It didn't even want to watch.
So..... final 3: Christa, Jay and Ben get up and think that today is the final competition. ALL HANDS TO THE MID DECK . Host-Dude, Cameron (in white pants, and thank GOD I watched it tonight and not next Tuesday AFTER LABOR DAY ) , who sent them a cheese plate and 3 bottles of wine last night, tells them the lock holds the HALF MILLION TREAURE. BUT, this is not your final expedition. First, you have to find the first mate's treasure since "he holds all my secrets", which I KNOW is code for sex with the first mate. There's one more challenge before the final 2 go for the gold.
At this point, I thought of killing myself. Really.
There is only one clue, so the 3 have to go down below and copy it. I'm guessing right about now the show was canceled and Burnett had to cut costs. So, all 3 copy a map on one side and a list of latin words and their english meanings on the other. Christa says, "fortunately I know some latin". Hmmm. I guess in addition to spanish and chinese, Sesame Street now does a Latin version.
Here's the challenge: swim to shore, climb space mountain, find a sword on a rope bridge. Yes, I was yelling at the screen "and use the sword to kill both of your competitors, thereby ending the show".
They swim. they run. they get the swords, and the sheaths say go to the pool for the next clue. Ben and Jay take off running, Christa behind. Ben then Jay find the pool and swim around until they find a rock with graffiti on it. Fortunately it's really a clue, not F.U. Pirate Master written on it. They use the latin to translate the clue which says, "drag your sorry asses back up the mountain". Jay and Ben are neck and neck, and go back across the rope bridge where there is a sabotage. Ben sabotages Christa by cutting down the bridge, while Jay says something like, "damn, I probably ain't getting laid tonight afterall". Christa has to stumble around another way in the jungle. She's basically done.
They have to find another pool and swim underwater and translate more latin. This one says, "dudes, the gold is next to the waterfall". Ben finds the treasure.
They drag it back on deck and host-dude opens it. It has 50K and 2 more clues for the finale. Ben, the idiot, splits the 50K with dumb and dumber. Jay and Christa have to go to Pirate Court where SURPRISE!!!!! the ghosts of contestants past make the final decision on who gets to stay.
Christa is in her lucky corset, and she gets to talk first. blah blah blah, everything I did, I did for my daughter. Jay: "hey, I know I'm a jerk but the game is pirate master, not princess master". Lots of drama as the ghosts get to speak. Kendra rips into Christa saying, basically, "I'm sick of you using your daughter as an excuse. If you want to do something for her, get a real job". Joe Dong says, "Christa was a follower, Jay was a leader". John, that weird dude, says something about how hot he is for Christa and uses the term Machiavellian , correctly I might add.
They vote. Christa gets one vote, Jay 12. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE..... Host dude says, Jay, you aren't cut adrift tonight but you will join the ghosts, who will all continue the adventure WHICH IS FAR FROM OVER......
Cue the spooky Pirate Master music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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