Tonigggghhhhhttttt, tonigggghhhhhtttt won't be just aaaaany night, as toniggggghhhhhtttttt Sash is gonna win me the poooooool.
Yo, what up? Can you believe we're already at the end of this loooong, drawn out and frankly not that interesting season? My baby will be flying his military helicopter out to Spring City tonight with that fake wooden vote box tucked tightly in that overly developed biceps arm, with his dark blue shirt on. Mmmmmm.
But first a recap and 2 hours of show tonight. Not to mention the post show where Jeff will RIP into ohnoyoudon't and Kelly.
So, Wednesday night. Sash is all, "i'm in control". Kiss of death, Sash.
Fabio gets his close up: "They think I'm more gullible and stupid than I really am. Next couple of days will be funny when they realize how smart I really am". Um, OR NOT FABIO.
Tree mail comes with a cell phone. Oh, sorry, I am contractually required to say it is a SPRINT CELL PHONE. EVO 4G to be specific. It takes pictures and videos. And, get this, it has a clock!!! "To fill your belly you'll have to be first".
Challenge: I'm calling it almost dark blue. He is such a dimpled little tease. Dear Santa, I have been a very very bad girl...
The winner of today's challenge will set sail, eat a meal...WITH YOUR LOVED ONES who all come running out.
JESUS CHRIST. These moms are so damn young and hot. WTF?? What happened to old ladies being moms??
Chase: mom is young
Fabio: again, young mom
Sash: mom
Dan: son Matthew
Jane's daughter
Holly's husband-"we missed our 25th anniversary for this" Ohhh, good one. Wonder if it's true??
The challenge is: Survivors run into the water for 2 bags of PUZZLE PIECES and then their loved ones solve the word puzzle. Gee, you think the word FAMILY is gonna be in the puzzle??
Dan is really really slow running out to get his puzzle pieces. Fabio and Chase are first in. Chase's mom gets the puzzle, "Family Comes First".
Chase gets to chose someone to go with him. hahaha, Do Not Fuck This One Up. Sash, would you like to come?? LOL. You can also chose another person.......
Chase chooses Holly and her husband. Dan's son is upset, "He's a scumbag". Fabio is all crying because he 'only gets to see his mom twice a year'. Why? Is she in prison?? Get your ASS home to see yo Momma boy.
Back at camp, Fabio is mad, and is having a cry feast. Jane's upset, "he told me he was taking me". "I'm #4 in my alliance"
On the boat, the Survivors are grubbing it. Their loved ones are too grossed out by their smell and probably how scary they are stuffing their faces to eat anything. "Final 3 is right here babeeee". Chase finds the final clue to the immunity idols but they already have them.
Back at camp, it's late and everyone is asleep. Fabio takes on Chase. Chase apologizes but Fabio doesn't buy it.
Day 36. Challenge: Light Blue, He better not be shagging one of those hot mammas.
Survivors will be blindfolded and have to go over/under a hitching post, use their hands to figure out a puzzle and bring back pieces to do some shield thing. It seems hard but I kept thinking there were outlines on the puzzle board? Dan is totally lost in the wilderness. Man, if he is playing the "not a threat and not that smart game" he's a total genius.
Fabio thinks he has it? No, but he redoes it and wins immunity!!! He is a mensa member, I can just feel it.
Fabio tells Chase Jane has to go. He won't do it. Chase, Sash and Holly talk. Jane. Chase doesn't want to do it. So, as I yelled at the TV, LET CHASE VOTE FOR SOMEONE ELSE FOR CHRIST SAKE. Jane walks up to them all, "Is it Dan??" Crickets. "Is it me???" Chase asks the others, "is that what YOU ALL want?" Sash: "We all think you can win it". SHUT THE HELL UP SASH. haha, I think we can safely not count her jury vote for Sash...
Jane goes all nuts, throwing water on the fire. I STARTED IT, I'LL PUT IT OUT. She is one tough old lady. But ya gotta like it.
Tribal, lighter blue. Bah Humbug.
Let's bring in the Jury with mad Benry.
Dan, crazy afternoon? Yes, Jeff, your crew told you right, Jane dashed the fire.
Jane: HELL YEA. I started that fire. There is no loyalty here, they are all liars and backstabbers. End of Story.
Jeff: haha, I think beginning of story...
Jane in full Witches of Macbeth mode: Holly, $1400 stolen shoes, had a 4 way alliance with me, screwed me.
Chase: she was in our alliance but she would have won it all
Jeff, who's next? Dan and Fabio, whichever doesn't get immunity.
Dan and Fabio nod.
Fabio-are you hearing this?? Why not their own alliance?
Jane: Right, why not us 3 vote Holly off??
Dan, That would make sense...
Fabio: It's crazy but, yes it would make sense.
Holly: now, now, we all came here with a plan...
Chase: I'm sooo confused.
Time to vote. Anyone want to play an idol?? Both Chase and Sash almost break their legs to play them. Jane is voted off.
Good luck all tonight, and don't get too upset when SASH wins the moooooola for me.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Amazing Race: Finale Tonight!
YO YO YO. Where are you planning to be when HISTORY IS QUITE POSSIBLY MADE? When young woman everywhere can breath easier when the glass ceiling of an ALL GIRL team winning Amazing Race is smashed?? (WTF-why do they call it an all girl team??) Forget the presidency, or a significant portion of fortune 500 company presidencies, WE GOT THE RACE!!! Woohooo. Ladies, let's all celebrate by burning our spandex bike shorts!!
Ok. I feel better now. This fake milestone in the history of woman is killing me. Yes, it would be interesting if an all WOMAN team won. But we're still gonna be in 2 wars on Monday morning, and women are still gonna be paid less.
Let me begin with a correction that I am SHOCKED, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, my eagle eyed readers missed. The tattoo team incurred a 6 hour penalty for not completing the boat task, not a 30 minute one as I said in my last email. I knew no one read it... So, they're screwed with a 6 hour penalty unless it's one of those, the plane leaves at midnight tonight thing. But, frankly, I think they were so late anyway it might not matter. Plus they have a bump or a hump or whatever that thingy you have to do if you are in a non-elim leg. Thank GOD they no longer have to put all their underpants on at once to step on the mat.
Hong Kong. The docs are the first to leave at 4:37 pm. Fly to Seoul, SOUTH KOREA and drive to a bridge close to the NORTH KOREA border. Ok, I gotta say it, the friggin contestants on the Amazing Race understand which Korea is our ally and none of them are considering a run for celebrity-in-chief. Heck of a job, Sarah. But I digress. Right about now y'all should have started playing the "DMZ" drinking game. Because the fact that they were going to the VERY RISKY, VERY BAAAAD border with NORTH Korea, which is baaaaad baaaaad baaaaaad, was gonna be shoved down your throat. And, this was taped before the shootin' began.
Home shopping leaves next in f'ed up matching outfits. Like hot pink shirts and matching gym socks from the 80's. Plus, they have sparkly, jazzy hair shit. They go to a hotel to make travel arrangements. Plane leaves at 12:25 am. They decide to have a cuppa coffee while waiting for the concierge to make their arrangements. I thought this might bite them in the azzz but nope.
At the airport, instead of enjoying $20 cups of coffee, the Docs con a nice gentleman into buying them a travel guide to Korea. He's very charming. I'd have slept with him for a travel guide. Just sayin'.
The Tatts finally get out of time out and arrive at the airport just as the 12:25 am flight leaves. YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOO SCREWED NOW. They have a 9:30 am departure. Buh bye.
More political situation chatter. In South Korea. The Docs get lost. But find the bridge. They have to do river rafting, then find a humvee to take them to a MILITARY BASE. On the SOUTH KOREA SIDE I hope. Because, you know, NORTH KOREA is not a US ally. All 3 viable teams are close.
At the base, it's a roadblock. Martial arts training. Teams need to match a headband with KOREAN writing on it to one worn by a soldier. When they get the right one, the soldier will perform a KICK ASS martial arts action to break a board and provide the next clue. Thomas goes first and gets it right. Brooke gets it wrong once.
After this, teams have to find the World Cup Stadium in Seoul. THEY HAVE TO TAKE THE SUBWAY. Thomas finishes and they are off, Brooke finishes, then Kat. Jill and Thomas are on the first train. And, can I point out how GREAT the public transportation is in all of these countries?? Infrastructure, baby, infrastructure. HSN and the Docs are on the second train.
At the stadium, it's a Detour: full throttle or full bottle. In full throttle, teams must suit up and "speed" skate 24 laps. In full bottle teams must go to some market, deliver 6 giant ginseng roots in bottles.
Claire can't skate but agrees, kinda passively-aggressively if you ask me, to do the speed skating. THEY TAKE A CAB TO THE RINK. Jebuz ladies, can you NEVER read the clues?? They beat Jill and Thomas to the rink, and JT spend the rest of the show trying to figure out how they got there first.
Right about now the Tatts arrive in Seoul. I'm not even gonna cover them anymore, Toast.
HSN does the skate thing, followed quickly by Jill and Thomas. Find your next clue at Han Riverside Park-some airplane sculpture. Jill starts to ask people where the park is while Thomas yells at her, "You can't ask old people". WOW. I hope they don't win. HSN get to the park first: make your way to the Pitt.
HSN are first to arrive BUT they have incurred a 30 minutes penalty for taking the cab. They have to sit on the curb and wait.
Jill/Thomas get a lame cab driver. They decide to bolt to another cab. "Oh good, a YOUNG driver".
Jill and Thomas are team #1 and win a trip to Argentina. HSN are team #2 and ARE IN THE RACE TO BE THE FIRST ALL GIRL TEAM. Docs are team #3 and ARE IN THE RACE TO BE THE FIRST ALL GIRL TEAM TO WIN THE AMAZING RACE. They would also be the first doctor team, but whatever.
Tatts are pushed across the DMZ (drink) into NORTH KOREA and are now cleaning Kim Jong Ill's jeeps. Or that's what it looked like to me anyway. They are eeeeeeeliminated, In his losing interview, Boy Tatt says he is "a changed man" because of the race. Uhuh, he'll be back verbally abusing Girl Tatt within 24 hours.
CONGRATS TO THE FINALISTS AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!
Ok. I feel better now. This fake milestone in the history of woman is killing me. Yes, it would be interesting if an all WOMAN team won. But we're still gonna be in 2 wars on Monday morning, and women are still gonna be paid less.
Let me begin with a correction that I am SHOCKED, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, my eagle eyed readers missed. The tattoo team incurred a 6 hour penalty for not completing the boat task, not a 30 minute one as I said in my last email. I knew no one read it... So, they're screwed with a 6 hour penalty unless it's one of those, the plane leaves at midnight tonight thing. But, frankly, I think they were so late anyway it might not matter. Plus they have a bump or a hump or whatever that thingy you have to do if you are in a non-elim leg. Thank GOD they no longer have to put all their underpants on at once to step on the mat.
Hong Kong. The docs are the first to leave at 4:37 pm. Fly to Seoul, SOUTH KOREA and drive to a bridge close to the NORTH KOREA border. Ok, I gotta say it, the friggin contestants on the Amazing Race understand which Korea is our ally and none of them are considering a run for celebrity-in-chief. Heck of a job, Sarah. But I digress. Right about now y'all should have started playing the "DMZ" drinking game. Because the fact that they were going to the VERY RISKY, VERY BAAAAD border with NORTH Korea, which is baaaaad baaaaad baaaaaad, was gonna be shoved down your throat. And, this was taped before the shootin' began.
Home shopping leaves next in f'ed up matching outfits. Like hot pink shirts and matching gym socks from the 80's. Plus, they have sparkly, jazzy hair shit. They go to a hotel to make travel arrangements. Plane leaves at 12:25 am. They decide to have a cuppa coffee while waiting for the concierge to make their arrangements. I thought this might bite them in the azzz but nope.
At the airport, instead of enjoying $20 cups of coffee, the Docs con a nice gentleman into buying them a travel guide to Korea. He's very charming. I'd have slept with him for a travel guide. Just sayin'.
The Tatts finally get out of time out and arrive at the airport just as the 12:25 am flight leaves. YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOO SCREWED NOW. They have a 9:30 am departure. Buh bye.
More political situation chatter. In South Korea. The Docs get lost. But find the bridge. They have to do river rafting, then find a humvee to take them to a MILITARY BASE. On the SOUTH KOREA SIDE I hope. Because, you know, NORTH KOREA is not a US ally. All 3 viable teams are close.
At the base, it's a roadblock. Martial arts training. Teams need to match a headband with KOREAN writing on it to one worn by a soldier. When they get the right one, the soldier will perform a KICK ASS martial arts action to break a board and provide the next clue. Thomas goes first and gets it right. Brooke gets it wrong once.
After this, teams have to find the World Cup Stadium in Seoul. THEY HAVE TO TAKE THE SUBWAY. Thomas finishes and they are off, Brooke finishes, then Kat. Jill and Thomas are on the first train. And, can I point out how GREAT the public transportation is in all of these countries?? Infrastructure, baby, infrastructure. HSN and the Docs are on the second train.
At the stadium, it's a Detour: full throttle or full bottle. In full throttle, teams must suit up and "speed" skate 24 laps. In full bottle teams must go to some market, deliver 6 giant ginseng roots in bottles.
Claire can't skate but agrees, kinda passively-aggressively if you ask me, to do the speed skating. THEY TAKE A CAB TO THE RINK. Jebuz ladies, can you NEVER read the clues?? They beat Jill and Thomas to the rink, and JT spend the rest of the show trying to figure out how they got there first.
Right about now the Tatts arrive in Seoul. I'm not even gonna cover them anymore, Toast.
HSN does the skate thing, followed quickly by Jill and Thomas. Find your next clue at Han Riverside Park-some airplane sculpture. Jill starts to ask people where the park is while Thomas yells at her, "You can't ask old people". WOW. I hope they don't win. HSN get to the park first: make your way to the Pitt.
HSN are first to arrive BUT they have incurred a 30 minutes penalty for taking the cab. They have to sit on the curb and wait.
Jill/Thomas get a lame cab driver. They decide to bolt to another cab. "Oh good, a YOUNG driver".
Jill and Thomas are team #1 and win a trip to Argentina. HSN are team #2 and ARE IN THE RACE TO BE THE FIRST ALL GIRL TEAM. Docs are team #3 and ARE IN THE RACE TO BE THE FIRST ALL GIRL TEAM TO WIN THE AMAZING RACE. They would also be the first doctor team, but whatever.
Tatts are pushed across the DMZ (drink) into NORTH KOREA and are now cleaning Kim Jong Ill's jeeps. Or that's what it looked like to me anyway. They are eeeeeeeliminated, In his losing interview, Boy Tatt says he is "a changed man" because of the race. Uhuh, he'll be back verbally abusing Girl Tatt within 24 hours.
CONGRATS TO THE FINALISTS AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Survivor Update: Warm and Dry at the Motel 6
Man OH man, was that not the BEST episode of this season??? I mean, C'mon even you men have to admit that a wet Jeff Probst is the best thing EVER. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I had to go back and take a picture of the TV during tribal. Holy hotness!!!!!!!! And, even my husband is happy since I found that Jeff Probst face mask at Halloween. HOURS OF FUN, let me tell you.
So, the show. And, for the record, I don't do rehash. We all paid attention over the many weeks, we don't need to see it all over again. And, frankly, there was too much rehash this week!! yadda yadda yadda, Brenda is gone. Move on.
9 left..... Kelly had no idea what was gonna happen last time around. Kelly is not really that bright. She's upset that Chase, NaO and Sash turned on her.
Holly is all now, one sleeve on, one sleeve off NOT INTO NAO. hahaha. "I didn't listen to Brenda when she was bad mouthing you last tribal, but I shoulda".
Chase and NaO want to blindside Sash. But, alas, today is gonna be about self imploding.
NaO hates rain and cold. Uhuh. I kinda remember some BITCH phys ed teacher, kinda named Miss Cook, who made us go out in the rain. So, SUCK ON IT. She's apparently anemic. hahaha. Kelly is just a pussy and is all crying about the weather. They're both squawking about quitting. Benry and Fabio (aka the brain trust)-Hey, let 'em both quit!!!
NaO must be serious, she gives the idol to Chase.
Medium Blue Challenge: It's a TOTAL CHEESY ASS MOVIE PROMOTION CHALLENGE. Pushing the new Jack Black movie, Gulliver's Travels. And, can I be frank?? Jeff cannot pronounce Gulliver correctly. ACK, a flaw!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the challenge is to drag a giant 8' Gulliver doll through an obstacle course. Wanna know what you're playing for?? The chance to see the movie, and contractually you need to like it, and eat movie shit.
2 Teams: Yellow is Fabio, Sash, Jane and Holly. Blue is Holly, NaO, Chase and Benry. Dan gets to chose and aligns himself with blue. He also gets to sit in a freakishly large chair.
Blue wins. NaO tells my honey she wants to quit. He's pissed ( and maybe not because he promised Mark Burnett a certain # of episodes). Anyone else? Kelly wants to quit too. Honey is really pissed. Ima gonna have to do that back flip thing he likes to cheer him up.
Jeff: NaO, you don't seem like a quitter...and Kelly, you gonna walk away too?? He ain't happy, gives them this afternoon to think about it. IN THE MEANTIME..... any of you winners (cough cough NaO) want to give up reward for a tarp and more rice for the tribe?? Dead silence. Holly gives it up. Chase tried to tell NaO to do it instead but nope. BITCH.
Back at camp, Holly is the hero. You rock!!! She talks to Kelly, 'you need to suck it up and try harder". Kelly: I'm cold and hungry. Holly: "I got your ass a tarp and rice" Kelly: I got nothing else to suck".
At the Cinema: why eat the damn no protein candy?? Pound the dogs in. Chase is not in the NaO fan club. They all rave about the confy chairs and pretend to like the movie. Benry wants NaO to go now.
Camp: Are Kelly and NaO changing their minds??? The sun is out...
Tribal: OMFG, JEFF IS SO DAMN WET AND HOT. I really do not care what happens as long as I can watch him for the next 15 minutes. Seriously.
Holly: When I wanted to quit Jimmy J helped me.
Jane: these young kids need to hang in there
NaO: Jeff when it rains my joints hurt (FYI Dan's face here was friggin priceless) She also says she's the only African American left. Like, what the fuck does that matter?? You're ass is gonna be the only AA to quit the game.
The jury is PISSED.
Kelly: the weather is making my skinny ASS body break down.
Benry: I don't like quitters
Fabio: is it an age thing?? No, it's a mental, willpower thing, Plus, Jeff, I'm too stupid to be cold.
NaO: Reward was GREAT, I loved today and loved going out with a bang.
Jeff: NaO, did you have a shot at winning? Yes, based upon my drive... my charm...
The Jury is laughing at her.
Jeff: I offered the tarp and rice, why didn't you take it NaO? Are you a selfish motherf*&ker? ( I love when Jeff talks dirty...)
NaO: No, I worked hard and deserved it.
Chase: I'd have given it up had I been quitting.
Jane: Life is hard, these young kids don't have a clue. They are showing no drive. People out in the real world are playing the real survivor game (AMEN SISTER).
Jeff: I'ma gonna ask your dumb asses one more time.
NaO I quit
Kelly I quit.
Jeff: what should I do with your torches? NaO "I guess they get SMUFFED Jeff. hahahahahha.
Jeff smuffs their torches but leaves them at tribal as a reminder. BUT THEY ARE ALLOWED TO JOIN THE JURY, WHICH IS BULLSHIT.
So, the show. And, for the record, I don't do rehash. We all paid attention over the many weeks, we don't need to see it all over again. And, frankly, there was too much rehash this week!! yadda yadda yadda, Brenda is gone. Move on.
9 left..... Kelly had no idea what was gonna happen last time around. Kelly is not really that bright. She's upset that Chase, NaO and Sash turned on her.
Holly is all now, one sleeve on, one sleeve off NOT INTO NAO. hahaha. "I didn't listen to Brenda when she was bad mouthing you last tribal, but I shoulda".
Chase and NaO want to blindside Sash. But, alas, today is gonna be about self imploding.
NaO hates rain and cold. Uhuh. I kinda remember some BITCH phys ed teacher, kinda named Miss Cook, who made us go out in the rain. So, SUCK ON IT. She's apparently anemic. hahaha. Kelly is just a pussy and is all crying about the weather. They're both squawking about quitting. Benry and Fabio (aka the brain trust)-Hey, let 'em both quit!!!
NaO must be serious, she gives the idol to Chase.
Medium Blue Challenge: It's a TOTAL CHEESY ASS MOVIE PROMOTION CHALLENGE. Pushing the new Jack Black movie, Gulliver's Travels. And, can I be frank?? Jeff cannot pronounce Gulliver correctly. ACK, a flaw!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the challenge is to drag a giant 8' Gulliver doll through an obstacle course. Wanna know what you're playing for?? The chance to see the movie, and contractually you need to like it, and eat movie shit.
2 Teams: Yellow is Fabio, Sash, Jane and Holly. Blue is Holly, NaO, Chase and Benry. Dan gets to chose and aligns himself with blue. He also gets to sit in a freakishly large chair.
Blue wins. NaO tells my honey she wants to quit. He's pissed ( and maybe not because he promised Mark Burnett a certain # of episodes). Anyone else? Kelly wants to quit too. Honey is really pissed. Ima gonna have to do that back flip thing he likes to cheer him up.
Jeff: NaO, you don't seem like a quitter...and Kelly, you gonna walk away too?? He ain't happy, gives them this afternoon to think about it. IN THE MEANTIME..... any of you winners (cough cough NaO) want to give up reward for a tarp and more rice for the tribe?? Dead silence. Holly gives it up. Chase tried to tell NaO to do it instead but nope. BITCH.
Back at camp, Holly is the hero. You rock!!! She talks to Kelly, 'you need to suck it up and try harder". Kelly: I'm cold and hungry. Holly: "I got your ass a tarp and rice" Kelly: I got nothing else to suck".
At the Cinema: why eat the damn no protein candy?? Pound the dogs in. Chase is not in the NaO fan club. They all rave about the confy chairs and pretend to like the movie. Benry wants NaO to go now.
Camp: Are Kelly and NaO changing their minds??? The sun is out...
Tribal: OMFG, JEFF IS SO DAMN WET AND HOT. I really do not care what happens as long as I can watch him for the next 15 minutes. Seriously.
Holly: When I wanted to quit Jimmy J helped me.
Jane: these young kids need to hang in there
NaO: Jeff when it rains my joints hurt (FYI Dan's face here was friggin priceless) She also says she's the only African American left. Like, what the fuck does that matter?? You're ass is gonna be the only AA to quit the game.
The jury is PISSED.
Kelly: the weather is making my skinny ASS body break down.
Benry: I don't like quitters
Fabio: is it an age thing?? No, it's a mental, willpower thing, Plus, Jeff, I'm too stupid to be cold.
NaO: Reward was GREAT, I loved today and loved going out with a bang.
Jeff: NaO, did you have a shot at winning? Yes, based upon my drive... my charm...
The Jury is laughing at her.
Jeff: I offered the tarp and rice, why didn't you take it NaO? Are you a selfish motherf*&ker? ( I love when Jeff talks dirty...)
NaO: No, I worked hard and deserved it.
Chase: I'd have given it up had I been quitting.
Jane: Life is hard, these young kids don't have a clue. They are showing no drive. People out in the real world are playing the real survivor game (AMEN SISTER).
Jeff: I'ma gonna ask your dumb asses one more time.
NaO I quit
Kelly I quit.
Jeff: what should I do with your torches? NaO "I guess they get SMUFFED Jeff. hahahahahha.
Jeff smuffs their torches but leaves them at tribal as a reminder. BUT THEY ARE ALLOWED TO JOIN THE JURY, WHICH IS BULLSHIT.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Survivor Update: Asians Don't Scramble
Yo yo yoooohooooo. How y'all doing on the Thanksgiving eve? House clean? Turkey thawed? Mine neither. But, shit, let's play a little Survivor Update instead of working.
This is the fun part of Survivor, when the obvious people are gone, and people have to start voting for their BFF's. You know, the ones they met 20-some days ago? Episode starts out with Brenda and Sash gloating about their POWA. Brenda says they are the king and queen of Survivor, although Sash is more like the queen. Metaphorical bolt of lightening whenever you see an episode start this way.
This is also the time in the game when people totally under the radar actually speak. In this week's excitement, Purple Kelly speaks!!! And, yes, I was kinda surprised she didn't sing, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family".
Benry, Fabio and Dan are on the outs. I for one am shocked that Dan is still alive. Holly (WHAT THE F&*CK IS WITH HER SHIRT AND THE APPEARING/DISAPPEARING RIGHT SLEEVE?????????????) and Jane aren't happy with the power couple.
Drama:
Holly asks Benry how he can trust them
Jane tells NaO that Brenda is a Villain
Holly talks to Chase. He wants Benry.
AAAAGGGGHHHH.
Challenge. Jeff is in friggin GREEN?? WTF?? Didn't his blue wardrobe come back from the Nicaraguan cleaners?? Shoulda gone with the Koreans, Jeff. Just a tip.
Teams have to travel across the beach using barrels, ropes and planks. I'm only surprised they didn't have to go all in and dress like rodeo clowns. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to a volcano and a pizza/brownies fix. Ya know, call me crazy but why all the junk food?? Aren't they all afraid they're gonna get fat?
Blue team (Chase, Jane, Kelly, Fabio and NaO) easily win. Per Jeff to the Yellow team, lead by Sash: "If this were for life or death, you'd be dead".
They helicopter over to the volcano, put on orange prison garb and sled down the side of the volcano. Um, HOW DO YOU GET BACK UP??
Back at camp, disaster has struck. In an effort to keep the fire burning in the rain, the build it super high and surrounded it with wooden trunks full of their food and stuff. LOL. Reminds me of this girl who worked with me who had the worst luck. Her barn caught on fire and both she and her husband drove over to the barn, parked too close and watched their cars burn up too. I always wondered how that call to the insurance company went. Anywhoo. Big fire (actually set by the crew maybe??), even the tarp melted. Benry is losing it.
Back on the volcano, NaO makes her "power play" and pulls Fabio aside. "Who do you think is running the show??" They chat about getting rid of Brenda. Why these two get together is beyond me.
Chase and Brenda chat about Holly's plan to get rid of Brenda/Sash. Chase is a total pussy who cannot keep his mouth shut.
Chase tells NaO he wants Benry instead. NaO tells Benry you can't trust Chase. NaO tells Jane Chase is against getting rid of Brenda/Chase. Now Jane's not sure of Chase...thinks he wants in Brenda's pants. I'm not even going to go there that this old cougar might be jealous of that. NaO tells Holly, do not trust Chase.
Seriously, NaO is either 2 people or she is just playing crazy-ass.
Immunity Challenge: Light Blue. Stand on a platform over water, holding on to a knotted rope, and lean farther back every 5 minutes.
First out: Sash, Kelly, Holly...Brenda...Dan...Fabio...NaO... and Benry. It's down to Jane and Chase. Jane wants to quit but Coach Jeff (who I think spent a little bit of time with Jimmy J) talks her into holding on, and Chase falls. Jane wins immunity. She is one god dayam tough broad.
Back at camp: Chase and Sash want Benry. NaO talks to Sash, says Chase is on her last nerve. Wanna do a power play?
Chase is talking to Fabio, Holly comes up and says, "it's Brenda". Chase runs to Brenda clutching his little balls "They're saying it's you. NaO set it up". Brenda to Chase: "Do you think they are gonna be more loyal to you than we are??" Sash wonders if he should give the idol to Brenda to save her. Although he shoulda done his wondering holding his pinky between his front two teeth while holding a cat.
Tribal: Medium Blue. I was busy anyway.
Sash: I was surprised about Marty. Been a lot of reshuffling
Brenda: I regretted Marty but I had to prove I could be trusted. There's a break because NaO wants to jump ship
hahahah, when will these people learn not to talk smack about NaO at Tribal??
NaO: not me, Chase is running paranoid
Kelly SPEAKS!! I'm pretty out of the loop Jeff but I just learned a whole lot
Brenda: Why would Sash break the alliance? Or Chase tell me? It was NaO
Jeff: Brenda, are you scrambling this week?
Brenda: humumumumum, not scrambling, Asians do not scramble.
Jeff: Are you too proud to say scrambling?
Brenda: I'm Asian, we don't scramble.
Jeff: Sash, this is disastrous to your alliance.
Time to vote. Anyone have the idol and want to say, GIVE IT TO BRENDA?? Crickets......
Brenda is voted off the island.
This is the fun part of Survivor, when the obvious people are gone, and people have to start voting for their BFF's. You know, the ones they met 20-some days ago? Episode starts out with Brenda and Sash gloating about their POWA. Brenda says they are the king and queen of Survivor, although Sash is more like the queen. Metaphorical bolt of lightening whenever you see an episode start this way.
This is also the time in the game when people totally under the radar actually speak. In this week's excitement, Purple Kelly speaks!!! And, yes, I was kinda surprised she didn't sing, "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family".
Benry, Fabio and Dan are on the outs. I for one am shocked that Dan is still alive. Holly (WHAT THE F&*CK IS WITH HER SHIRT AND THE APPEARING/DISAPPEARING RIGHT SLEEVE?????????????) and Jane aren't happy with the power couple.
Drama:
Holly asks Benry how he can trust them
Jane tells NaO that Brenda is a Villain
Holly talks to Chase. He wants Benry.
AAAAGGGGHHHH.
Challenge. Jeff is in friggin GREEN?? WTF?? Didn't his blue wardrobe come back from the Nicaraguan cleaners?? Shoulda gone with the Koreans, Jeff. Just a tip.
Teams have to travel across the beach using barrels, ropes and planks. I'm only surprised they didn't have to go all in and dress like rodeo clowns. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to a volcano and a pizza/brownies fix. Ya know, call me crazy but why all the junk food?? Aren't they all afraid they're gonna get fat?
Blue team (Chase, Jane, Kelly, Fabio and NaO) easily win. Per Jeff to the Yellow team, lead by Sash: "If this were for life or death, you'd be dead".
They helicopter over to the volcano, put on orange prison garb and sled down the side of the volcano. Um, HOW DO YOU GET BACK UP??
Back at camp, disaster has struck. In an effort to keep the fire burning in the rain, the build it super high and surrounded it with wooden trunks full of their food and stuff. LOL. Reminds me of this girl who worked with me who had the worst luck. Her barn caught on fire and both she and her husband drove over to the barn, parked too close and watched their cars burn up too. I always wondered how that call to the insurance company went. Anywhoo. Big fire (actually set by the crew maybe??), even the tarp melted. Benry is losing it.
Back on the volcano, NaO makes her "power play" and pulls Fabio aside. "Who do you think is running the show??" They chat about getting rid of Brenda. Why these two get together is beyond me.
Chase and Brenda chat about Holly's plan to get rid of Brenda/Sash. Chase is a total pussy who cannot keep his mouth shut.
Chase tells NaO he wants Benry instead. NaO tells Benry you can't trust Chase. NaO tells Jane Chase is against getting rid of Brenda/Chase. Now Jane's not sure of Chase...thinks he wants in Brenda's pants. I'm not even going to go there that this old cougar might be jealous of that. NaO tells Holly, do not trust Chase.
Seriously, NaO is either 2 people or she is just playing crazy-ass.
Immunity Challenge: Light Blue. Stand on a platform over water, holding on to a knotted rope, and lean farther back every 5 minutes.
First out: Sash, Kelly, Holly...Brenda...Dan...Fabio...NaO... and Benry. It's down to Jane and Chase. Jane wants to quit but Coach Jeff (who I think spent a little bit of time with Jimmy J) talks her into holding on, and Chase falls. Jane wins immunity. She is one god dayam tough broad.
Back at camp: Chase and Sash want Benry. NaO talks to Sash, says Chase is on her last nerve. Wanna do a power play?
Chase is talking to Fabio, Holly comes up and says, "it's Brenda". Chase runs to Brenda clutching his little balls "They're saying it's you. NaO set it up". Brenda to Chase: "Do you think they are gonna be more loyal to you than we are??" Sash wonders if he should give the idol to Brenda to save her. Although he shoulda done his wondering holding his pinky between his front two teeth while holding a cat.
Tribal: Medium Blue. I was busy anyway.
Sash: I was surprised about Marty. Been a lot of reshuffling
Brenda: I regretted Marty but I had to prove I could be trusted. There's a break because NaO wants to jump ship
hahahah, when will these people learn not to talk smack about NaO at Tribal??
NaO: not me, Chase is running paranoid
Kelly SPEAKS!! I'm pretty out of the loop Jeff but I just learned a whole lot
Brenda: Why would Sash break the alliance? Or Chase tell me? It was NaO
Jeff: Brenda, are you scrambling this week?
Brenda: humumumumum, not scrambling, Asians do not scramble.
Jeff: Are you too proud to say scrambling?
Brenda: I'm Asian, we don't scramble.
Jeff: Sash, this is disastrous to your alliance.
Time to vote. Anyone have the idol and want to say, GIVE IT TO BRENDA?? Crickets......
Brenda is voted off the island.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Survivor: It's a 3 F-Bomb Tribal
Yo, why is this season a 39 day Survivor?? Didn't it used to be 30 days?
It's all Marty, all Jane feud all the time. NaO thinks Marty was too hard on Jane at the last tribal. Jane is now calling the jackass Mr. Farty. Yea, that'll tell him. Says his days are numbered. Probably are but I think Marty did plant some anti-Jane seeds the other week.
Marty: I cleared the air last night, now I need a plan. His plan is to tell everyone it's NaO to get her to use the idol, then blindside Jane. Jane would like to take him to the woodshed and whoop his ass. I think she could do it.
Challenge, light blue. It's for reward and THERE IS NO PUZZLE. That is my reward. Divided into 2 teams, they have to go through a bunch of obstacles and get keys, and then unlock locks. Wanna know what you're playing for? Survivor BBQ. Chicken, steak, chips, beer, apple pie. Oh, and a zipline tour. Teams randomly split into men vs women. Chase isn't chosen but chooses to back his new girlfriend/mother Jane.
Obstacles are 1) hay, 2) a crawl and then a stick wall, 3) a new crawl and then 4) a brick wall.
Jane poops out halfway through and men win reward. Purple Kelly is crying cause she needs some grub. Jeff: Any of you men want to give up your spot so one of these ladies can eat? Crickets...
Marty think Chase is an idiot for going with the ladies.
Zipline looks cool. And then they get their beer on. Marty tells everyone his big plan to blindside NaO. They all act like they like the plan, but Sash believes he and Brenda run the show so they should make the decisions.
Back at camp, the girls and Chase discuss getting rid of Marty. Brenda thinks Chase made a dumb choice, she's not too sure about his judgement. Holly thinks Dan and marty are tight and predicts that they will try to get Sash and Brenda to vote with them. Chase is worried about Brenda, NaO tells him "don't work on his nerves", so he goes right out and works on her nerves, asking her again and again what she's thinking.
NaO: Chase is paranoid. We night need to swap him out.
Tree mail: test of mental strength.
Challenge, dark blue. Love you too, honey. Immunity is up for grabs, but only one this week. Jeff holds up symbols and they have to remember the order. In the end it comes down to Marty and Brenda, and Brenda wins immunity.
If this is a boring update, frankly it was one of the more boring episodes in history.
Fabio and Benry chat. Is Marty's plan gonna work? We gotta just lay low and play stupid. Fabio: God, it is just so hard for me to play stupid. LOL.
Hey, anyone else notice that NaO is a PE Teacher? OMFG, how did I miss that? Can you friggin imagine?? "Get your damn ass up that rope to the ceiling".
Blah blah blah, Marty, Jane, Marty, Jane. Sash and Brenda talk. All the women want Marty. Brenda doesn't really like Jane, Holly and Chase calling the shots. They both kinda want Marty to stay.
Tribal, dark blue.
It's even a boring tribal until NaO gets her crazy on. Jeff asks her about the stolen food, and she basically tells him to stop F^%$ing asking about the damn food. It's over, I said I was sorry.
Marty: I hasn't gone down well, it isn't over
NaO: I'm not perfect! I'm a humanitarian (huh??), Jeff. I don't like Marty, his hair.....his walk...whole lot o'crazy talk and then woop woop woop. LOL.
Marty: She's a liar and a cheat
Fabio: Ooh, I gotta get in on this NaO beat down. She's a wack job
NaO: Stop talking about the f^&*^ing flour.
Fabio: Craaaaaazzzzzyyyyyy.
3 more F bombs and a middle finger and we're ready to vote.
Jeff:NaO, I am speechless that you can keep going off like this at tribal and you're still here.
NaO just gives him the mean face.
Vote, no idol play. Rut ro. Marty is voted off.
It's all Marty, all Jane feud all the time. NaO thinks Marty was too hard on Jane at the last tribal. Jane is now calling the jackass Mr. Farty. Yea, that'll tell him. Says his days are numbered. Probably are but I think Marty did plant some anti-Jane seeds the other week.
Marty: I cleared the air last night, now I need a plan. His plan is to tell everyone it's NaO to get her to use the idol, then blindside Jane. Jane would like to take him to the woodshed and whoop his ass. I think she could do it.
Challenge, light blue. It's for reward and THERE IS NO PUZZLE. That is my reward. Divided into 2 teams, they have to go through a bunch of obstacles and get keys, and then unlock locks. Wanna know what you're playing for? Survivor BBQ. Chicken, steak, chips, beer, apple pie. Oh, and a zipline tour. Teams randomly split into men vs women. Chase isn't chosen but chooses to back his new girlfriend/mother Jane.
Obstacles are 1) hay, 2) a crawl and then a stick wall, 3) a new crawl and then 4) a brick wall.
Jane poops out halfway through and men win reward. Purple Kelly is crying cause she needs some grub. Jeff: Any of you men want to give up your spot so one of these ladies can eat? Crickets...
Marty think Chase is an idiot for going with the ladies.
Zipline looks cool. And then they get their beer on. Marty tells everyone his big plan to blindside NaO. They all act like they like the plan, but Sash believes he and Brenda run the show so they should make the decisions.
Back at camp, the girls and Chase discuss getting rid of Marty. Brenda thinks Chase made a dumb choice, she's not too sure about his judgement. Holly thinks Dan and marty are tight and predicts that they will try to get Sash and Brenda to vote with them. Chase is worried about Brenda, NaO tells him "don't work on his nerves", so he goes right out and works on her nerves, asking her again and again what she's thinking.
NaO: Chase is paranoid. We night need to swap him out.
Tree mail: test of mental strength.
Challenge, dark blue. Love you too, honey. Immunity is up for grabs, but only one this week. Jeff holds up symbols and they have to remember the order. In the end it comes down to Marty and Brenda, and Brenda wins immunity.
If this is a boring update, frankly it was one of the more boring episodes in history.
Fabio and Benry chat. Is Marty's plan gonna work? We gotta just lay low and play stupid. Fabio: God, it is just so hard for me to play stupid. LOL.
Hey, anyone else notice that NaO is a PE Teacher? OMFG, how did I miss that? Can you friggin imagine?? "Get your damn ass up that rope to the ceiling".
Blah blah blah, Marty, Jane, Marty, Jane. Sash and Brenda talk. All the women want Marty. Brenda doesn't really like Jane, Holly and Chase calling the shots. They both kinda want Marty to stay.
Tribal, dark blue.
It's even a boring tribal until NaO gets her crazy on. Jeff asks her about the stolen food, and she basically tells him to stop F^%$ing asking about the damn food. It's over, I said I was sorry.
Marty: I hasn't gone down well, it isn't over
NaO: I'm not perfect! I'm a humanitarian (huh??), Jeff. I don't like Marty, his hair.....his walk...whole lot o'crazy talk and then woop woop woop. LOL.
Marty: She's a liar and a cheat
Fabio: Ooh, I gotta get in on this NaO beat down. She's a wack job
NaO: Stop talking about the f^&*^ing flour.
Fabio: Craaaaaazzzzzyyyyyy.
3 more F bombs and a middle finger and we're ready to vote.
Jeff:NaO, I am speechless that you can keep going off like this at tribal and you're still here.
NaO just gives him the mean face.
Vote, no idol play. Rut ro. Marty is voted off.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Survivor: All Blue All the Time!!
So have y'all noticed Jeff ONLY wears blue this season? Light blue, medium and the most famous, dark blue. Dude is totally obsessed with me, I tell you.
Marty has no friends, no idol and the vultures are circling (literally). "Something's gotta change or I'm gone..."
Fabio finds tree mail-pack up all your stuff and follow the map. MERGE!!! Espada gets the trunk. Knives are already out, baby. Benry: Alina's time is up. Alina wants a major blindsiding of Marty-who's with me? Crickets...
Merge. Inside the trunk is food, new red buffs and booze. Let the fake love fest begin! NaO and Brenda take a walk and unload on each other.
Alina's a total bitch". "Sash has the idol".
New tribe is called Libertad. Hey y'all. What would you name your merged tribe? Hmmmmm. I'd go with Stinksalot. So, in fact, I refuse to call them anything BUT Stinksalot.
Hey, on another aside, McRib is back!! Yes, I do sometimes even make notes about the commercials.
Chase and Jane twang and click. They live in the same holler apparently. Seriously I am waiting for the announcement that Jane has been arrested as the major moonshine and drug seller in the region.
And, the moment we've all been waiting for!!
NaOHHELLSHEISCRAZYASS is making tortillas, and everyone is eating them, cause that's the whole point of making food for people. But I digress. She doesn't get many tortillas and flips OUT. She steals the flour and buries it and them goes back for the pots and pans too. LOL. Holly, of the expensive shoe incident, notices her go.
Alina and NaO are sitting talking on the beach and NaO tells Alina that the tribe is gunning for her. Alina goes all apeshit, well as apeshit as a white girl can get. NaO gives her an orange to calm down and tells her about the stuff she stole.
Meanwhile back at camp, "Where is all of our SHIT?? Holly confronts NaO: "Did you put the flour back after you put it in your bag and walked off" "What you talking 'bout BIATCH" NaO has a fight with Fabio, still denying it all and Alina keeps her yap closed. Later NaO confesses but says she did it for the tribe because I guess some of them were getting a little heavy. "Everyone lies in Survivor". Says Alina and I were together, hanging Alina. Marty doesn't believe she did it for the tribe of Stinksalot.
Brenda still wants Alina gone but NaO is on the outs. Sash now really wants to take NaO to the end.
Jane brings another fish to camp, and Marty is threatened by her. He tells Brenda Jane has to go.
Challenge: Come on in guys! (Medium Blue). It's an immunity challenge, boys and girls each get an immunity idol. They have to hold 2 pieces of steal with a sword thing in between it. If you drop the sword you break another tile. They hate pottery and tiles in this damn show.
Kelly and Dan each last like 3 seconds. It comes down to Jane and Holly for the girl immunity, and Marty, Fabio and Chase for the boys. Jane outlasts Holly but decided to make a point and stay in until the boys are done as well. She is one tough old bird. Fabio hands in and wins immunity.
Back at camp, the girls give Jane big hugs. She whispers "I want Marty" and not in a good holler sexual way. So the girls tell Sash they want Marty gone. Chase and Jane talk, she tells him it's Marty. Sash is worried if he doesn't give the idol back to Marty, at the end Marty will hold that against him. Asks if Marty could have one more week and then go? Jane and Chase don't want to go along with that, but Brenda is OK. Jane refuses to vote for Alina. Dan doesn't trust Chase, tells Marty. Marty talks to Sash and Brenda, but Sash just writes Marty off as paranoid.
The gaggle of girls now try to get Fabio to vote with them. With Alina, we'd have 6 for Marty. Fabio wants NaO (hellllloooooo!!! yes!!!!!)
Tribal. Dark Blue, BRB.
Holly: is the game starting to change? Yes, you now have to take a risk
Marty: Is the window of opportunity limited? Yes, and since you asked me Jeff, Jane has made bad decisions since 30 minutes into this game. Be careful of the little old lady, she'll take the million. I'd even vote for her.
Jane-ignore him, it's a personal vendetta
Alina: did marty just hurt himself? Um yes Jeff I believe he did.
Dan: WTF?? Why are we not talking about voting the 2 people who stole our damn food?
NaO: Oh, get over it I gave it back.
Fabio: you only gave it back when caught.
NaO: But I already been punished. Nobody talked to me for an hour
Alina: why should you stay? I'm a swing vote pawn, Jeff.
Apparently not anymore. First person on the Jury is Alina.
Marty has no friends, no idol and the vultures are circling (literally). "Something's gotta change or I'm gone..."
Fabio finds tree mail-pack up all your stuff and follow the map. MERGE!!! Espada gets the trunk. Knives are already out, baby. Benry: Alina's time is up. Alina wants a major blindsiding of Marty-who's with me? Crickets...
Merge. Inside the trunk is food, new red buffs and booze. Let the fake love fest begin! NaO and Brenda take a walk and unload on each other.
Alina's a total bitch". "Sash has the idol".
New tribe is called Libertad. Hey y'all. What would you name your merged tribe? Hmmmmm. I'd go with Stinksalot. So, in fact, I refuse to call them anything BUT Stinksalot.
Hey, on another aside, McRib is back!! Yes, I do sometimes even make notes about the commercials.
Chase and Jane twang and click. They live in the same holler apparently. Seriously I am waiting for the announcement that Jane has been arrested as the major moonshine and drug seller in the region.
And, the moment we've all been waiting for!!
NaOHHELLSHEISCRAZYASS is making tortillas, and everyone is eating them, cause that's the whole point of making food for people. But I digress. She doesn't get many tortillas and flips OUT. She steals the flour and buries it and them goes back for the pots and pans too. LOL. Holly, of the expensive shoe incident, notices her go.
Alina and NaO are sitting talking on the beach and NaO tells Alina that the tribe is gunning for her. Alina goes all apeshit, well as apeshit as a white girl can get. NaO gives her an orange to calm down and tells her about the stuff she stole.
Meanwhile back at camp, "Where is all of our SHIT?? Holly confronts NaO: "Did you put the flour back after you put it in your bag and walked off" "What you talking 'bout BIATCH" NaO has a fight with Fabio, still denying it all and Alina keeps her yap closed. Later NaO confesses but says she did it for the tribe because I guess some of them were getting a little heavy. "Everyone lies in Survivor". Says Alina and I were together, hanging Alina. Marty doesn't believe she did it for the tribe of Stinksalot.
Brenda still wants Alina gone but NaO is on the outs. Sash now really wants to take NaO to the end.
Jane brings another fish to camp, and Marty is threatened by her. He tells Brenda Jane has to go.
Challenge: Come on in guys! (Medium Blue). It's an immunity challenge, boys and girls each get an immunity idol. They have to hold 2 pieces of steal with a sword thing in between it. If you drop the sword you break another tile. They hate pottery and tiles in this damn show.
Kelly and Dan each last like 3 seconds. It comes down to Jane and Holly for the girl immunity, and Marty, Fabio and Chase for the boys. Jane outlasts Holly but decided to make a point and stay in until the boys are done as well. She is one tough old bird. Fabio hands in and wins immunity.
Back at camp, the girls give Jane big hugs. She whispers "I want Marty" and not in a good holler sexual way. So the girls tell Sash they want Marty gone. Chase and Jane talk, she tells him it's Marty. Sash is worried if he doesn't give the idol back to Marty, at the end Marty will hold that against him. Asks if Marty could have one more week and then go? Jane and Chase don't want to go along with that, but Brenda is OK. Jane refuses to vote for Alina. Dan doesn't trust Chase, tells Marty. Marty talks to Sash and Brenda, but Sash just writes Marty off as paranoid.
The gaggle of girls now try to get Fabio to vote with them. With Alina, we'd have 6 for Marty. Fabio wants NaO (hellllloooooo!!! yes!!!!!)
Tribal. Dark Blue, BRB.
Holly: is the game starting to change? Yes, you now have to take a risk
Marty: Is the window of opportunity limited? Yes, and since you asked me Jeff, Jane has made bad decisions since 30 minutes into this game. Be careful of the little old lady, she'll take the million. I'd even vote for her.
Jane-ignore him, it's a personal vendetta
Alina: did marty just hurt himself? Um yes Jeff I believe he did.
Dan: WTF?? Why are we not talking about voting the 2 people who stole our damn food?
NaO: Oh, get over it I gave it back.
Fabio: you only gave it back when caught.
NaO: But I already been punished. Nobody talked to me for an hour
Alina: why should you stay? I'm a swing vote pawn, Jeff.
Apparently not anymore. First person on the Jury is Alina.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Survivor: Celebrity Envy
Spoiler alert-they got rid of Mike Ditka tonight. LOL. Seriously, because you know an old, out of shape dude is a huge ass threat just because he is on the teevee every week. Ah, the superpower of celebrity in Amerika.
After tribal, when the young people allowed Shannon to commit Survivor suicide, they all walk back to camp saying, "Whew, dodged a whole lot of crazy tonight". All except the evil Nao, who is currently pissed off at Alina, Kelly B and Judd. In addition to Fabio of course, whose "hair be gettin on my nerves".
The old people are hungry. And, they need a little more fiber in their diets so, they decide to find out what the heck the monkeys are eating. They follow them to find some fruit, and JJ does his monkey imitation. Which totally pisses the easily aggravated (see the need for fiber above) Marty. He gets even more pissed off when he sees JJ and the ladies enjoying fishing. Thinks every one has fame glitter in their eyes. Jill tries to calm him down, and suggests they share the fact that they found the idol with the tribe to gain some power. Later in the afternoon Marty shows his find, and everyone is all impressed (helllo, Jill really found it). He tells them it's for the whole tribe to use after the merge. Riiiiiight. Marty the MAAAAN. Tyrone, however, thinks Marty is shady. It's Survivor, everyone is shady.
Fabio, of the hateful hair, is missing his daily inhalation of weed, so he volunteers to blow on the coals every chance he gets. It's his strategy. LOL. Blowing as a strategy-never heard that one before... He wants to be kept around for his brain. NaONOYOUDIDNT is pissed.
Dan-the-1600-shoe-man is afraid people will think he is the weakest link (hey, whatever happened to that TV sensation?). He helps Yve carry water buckets and she notices he is limping.
Over at Baywatch, and FYI every week Wil says, "Christ, is this Survivor Victoria Secret??" Of course, in my house anything not made out of sweatshirt material is considered sexy clothing. "Tribal drew a line in the sand". Alina and KB feel they are on the outs. NaOHNOYOUDIDNT wants those bitches to go.
Challenge, Jeff is in Dark Blue. Be back in a couple hours. No dancing tonight! Both tribes will race out into a field to collect ten tribe colored barrels. Once all ten barrels are retrieved, they must be arranged on individual platforms. Then one person at a time from each tribe will toss sand bags at the barrels with the goal of landing a sand bag on top of each barrel. First tribe to get a sandbag on top of all ten of their barrels wins immunity and reward. Wanna know what you're playing for?? A Survivor garden!! So you can make those disgusting meals taste better. (I think Fabio misunderstood what HERB garden means...) The younger tribe chooses not to use the Medallion of POWAA. "We're arrogant MFers".
Young tribe gets all of their barrels first. Tyrone is throwing and beating Benry. Tryone is good at the close up barrels. But not so much at the farther away ones. JT begs to be let in the game. JJ lets him in when they are 3 bags behind. Young tribe wins immunity. Kelly B runs for the fruit basket, because she thinks the second idol clue will be in there. NaOHNOYOUDIDNT sees the message as well. She grabs the basket, and once back at camp the two get into a BIG ASS fight over the clue. "I'll push you so hard that leg will fall off. I got hood". She also gets the clue. Everyone is pretty appalled at what a crazy ASS chick NaO is. She has to get someone else to help her with the clue 'cause apparently symbol reading isn't taught in the Hood schools. She shares it with the Asian chick 'cause everyone knows they are skilled at symbols.
Jimmy T is pissed off. “The guys that are leaders here are squelching me because I’m an obvious leader and they know it.” Marty is loving it: “It’s kind of enjoyable to watch a little bit of tension for a change in this tribe. I hate to say it but I’m looking forward to Tribal Council. We’re finally going to get this tribe to play this game.”
Should it be JJ or shouldn't it? Over and over and over a-friggin-gain.
Tribal: Light blue.
Marty, what happened? We lost ground, Jeff.
JT: "I wanted play time"
Jill, are you guys relying too much on JJ for strategy? Sometimes...
Hormonal: "JJ steps forward and boosts morale
JT: Me and JJ have never talked
Jeff: 8 days and you have never talked??
JT: I'm a leader myself
Tyrone: It is baffling to me Jeff, I think JT is threatened
JJ: I'm not threatening
Jill: The losses weigh a lot, we need a strong tribe
Dan: I'm strong
Jill: You're still and sore.
Jane: Dan is stiff and sore (is that a crime??)
JT: The tribe needs the strongest players. I'm not week like 3/4 of these people
JJ I'm old and weak (shhhhhhh)
Marty: I want to accelerate the game.
They vote and Jimmy J is back on Sunday football before you know it.
Jeff: You just voted off the proven leader...
After tribal, when the young people allowed Shannon to commit Survivor suicide, they all walk back to camp saying, "Whew, dodged a whole lot of crazy tonight". All except the evil Nao, who is currently pissed off at Alina, Kelly B and Judd. In addition to Fabio of course, whose "hair be gettin on my nerves".
The old people are hungry. And, they need a little more fiber in their diets so, they decide to find out what the heck the monkeys are eating. They follow them to find some fruit, and JJ does his monkey imitation. Which totally pisses the easily aggravated (see the need for fiber above) Marty. He gets even more pissed off when he sees JJ and the ladies enjoying fishing. Thinks every one has fame glitter in their eyes. Jill tries to calm him down, and suggests they share the fact that they found the idol with the tribe to gain some power. Later in the afternoon Marty shows his find, and everyone is all impressed (helllo, Jill really found it). He tells them it's for the whole tribe to use after the merge. Riiiiiight. Marty the MAAAAN. Tyrone, however, thinks Marty is shady. It's Survivor, everyone is shady.
Fabio, of the hateful hair, is missing his daily inhalation of weed, so he volunteers to blow on the coals every chance he gets. It's his strategy. LOL. Blowing as a strategy-never heard that one before... He wants to be kept around for his brain. NaONOYOUDIDNT is pissed.
Dan-the-1600-shoe-man is afraid people will think he is the weakest link (hey, whatever happened to that TV sensation?). He helps Yve carry water buckets and she notices he is limping.
Over at Baywatch, and FYI every week Wil says, "Christ, is this Survivor Victoria Secret??" Of course, in my house anything not made out of sweatshirt material is considered sexy clothing. "Tribal drew a line in the sand". Alina and KB feel they are on the outs. NaOHNOYOUDIDNT wants those bitches to go.
Challenge, Jeff is in Dark Blue. Be back in a couple hours. No dancing tonight! Both tribes will race out into a field to collect ten tribe colored barrels. Once all ten barrels are retrieved, they must be arranged on individual platforms. Then one person at a time from each tribe will toss sand bags at the barrels with the goal of landing a sand bag on top of each barrel. First tribe to get a sandbag on top of all ten of their barrels wins immunity and reward. Wanna know what you're playing for?? A Survivor garden!! So you can make those disgusting meals taste better. (I think Fabio misunderstood what HERB garden means...) The younger tribe chooses not to use the Medallion of POWAA. "We're arrogant MFers".
Young tribe gets all of their barrels first. Tyrone is throwing and beating Benry. Tryone is good at the close up barrels. But not so much at the farther away ones. JT begs to be let in the game. JJ lets him in when they are 3 bags behind. Young tribe wins immunity. Kelly B runs for the fruit basket, because she thinks the second idol clue will be in there. NaOHNOYOUDIDNT sees the message as well. She grabs the basket, and once back at camp the two get into a BIG ASS fight over the clue. "I'll push you so hard that leg will fall off. I got hood". She also gets the clue. Everyone is pretty appalled at what a crazy ASS chick NaO is. She has to get someone else to help her with the clue 'cause apparently symbol reading isn't taught in the Hood schools. She shares it with the Asian chick 'cause everyone knows they are skilled at symbols.
Jimmy T is pissed off. “The guys that are leaders here are squelching me because I’m an obvious leader and they know it.” Marty is loving it: “It’s kind of enjoyable to watch a little bit of tension for a change in this tribe. I hate to say it but I’m looking forward to Tribal Council. We’re finally going to get this tribe to play this game.”
Should it be JJ or shouldn't it? Over and over and over a-friggin-gain.
Tribal: Light blue.
Marty, what happened? We lost ground, Jeff.
JT: "I wanted play time"
Jill, are you guys relying too much on JJ for strategy? Sometimes...
Hormonal: "JJ steps forward and boosts morale
JT: Me and JJ have never talked
Jeff: 8 days and you have never talked??
JT: I'm a leader myself
Tyrone: It is baffling to me Jeff, I think JT is threatened
JJ: I'm not threatening
Jill: The losses weigh a lot, we need a strong tribe
Dan: I'm strong
Jill: You're still and sore.
Jane: Dan is stiff and sore (is that a crime??)
JT: The tribe needs the strongest players. I'm not week like 3/4 of these people
JJ I'm old and weak (shhhhhhh)
Marty: I want to accelerate the game.
They vote and Jimmy J is back on Sunday football before you know it.
Jeff: You just voted off the proven leader...
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Amazing Race Fall 10
God, I finally watched it, and while I am still in my pajamas at freaking 2pm on a Sunday, let's just sit right down and bang this sucker out. First off, this damn show was an hour and a half long this week, mostly because the contestants were particularly STUPID this time around.
Starting in Lobster boats in Glouster, MA they had to go to Logon Airport and try to get on one of 2 planes to London.
Here's the rundown of the teams:
Brooke and Claire are home shopping network anchors
Ron and Tony are BFFs. And, seriously they are gay.
Nat and Kate are doctors and best friends. One of them is diabetic.
Nick and Vicki are dating tattoo freaks
Jill and Thomas are dating. He's a freaking ahole.
Connor and Jonathan, known forevermore as team Glee. Totally GAY acapella singers, one looks like Harry Potter
Katie and Rachel are beach volley ball ho's "we'll be some bitches"
Gary and Mallory are the required father and daughter team. She is a Miss Kentucky- you know how that works out...
Andie and Jenna-birth mom and the kid she left on the church steps. They have met 3 times.
Michael and Kevin, the famous crazy Asian Dad of internet fame.
Chad and Stephanie are dating and Chad wants to propose.
Oh, and for the record? "Not that there's anything wrong with being gay".
Ok. Two planes, one with a half hour jump. Everyone is driving their smart cars like crazy. Ron and Tony (BFFers)-"get your compass out". WTF?? You are gonna drive using a compass? Bwahahahah. Team Glee gets lost right way.
1st plane: BFFers, Chad and Stephanie and Jill/Thomas. Everyone else bonds in the Virgin Atlantic waiting area. Hey, just a side note, I was wondering if the Virgin airlines would be able to get off the ground, given that VIRGIN MOBILE IS THE WORST CELL PHONE COMPANY YOU CAN USE. lol. I just had to get that out of my system.
London: BFFers tell us Tony is really smart but he hides it well. He has an MBA, and as someone who also has an MBA I can vouch for the degrees fine map reading education. Chad is also a type one Ahole. They are all headed to Stonehenge (YAWN). Birthmom burns her car up, it comes to a stop in the middle of the road, Glee stops to help them. How nice. But then they leave, and she figures out she had it in reverse.
Once at Stonehenge they have to find the opposite of Noreaster. Which ends up being Eastnor Castle. Katie and Rachel can't drive a stick either and get stuck going up a hill. BFFers are lost. But, they did find a good classical radio station to listen to.
Question: When is someone going to bring a GPS??
Eastmor Castle: you have to storm the castle while mad peasants (known as Teabaggers in the US) throw water down on you, then you have to grab a flag, boat across the moat, join a jousting party and then throw watermelons at knights. WOW.
Dad and Kentucky get a flat. Hmmm, team Glee is there as well. Are they actually saboteurs??
The boat is actually like a turtle shell, and it is really hard to get in, stay upright, and pull yourself across using ropes. Chad wants them both to do it standing for some totally ridiculous reason. Aaaaahole.
Meanwhile, Birthmom is looking for NorWEST castle, Nick and Vicki are lost, and BFFers just pulled off for a cup of tea and some scones. Man he is hiding his intelligence well.
Jill and Thomas are the first to the watermelon thang. It appears hard. Claire does it for her team, OMFG, how may times did y'all rewind and rewatch?? Claire takes a watermelon square in the face. HOLY CRAP. That has got to hurt, and she is gonna be bruised. Apparently there is no medic on AR. She does get a pack of ice but then completes the event. "I can't feel my face...I can't feel my face..." Truly nasty.
Once you smash the knight, you get to find Phil on the Castle grounds. Jill and Thomas are team 1 and -OH HOW DID I FORGET TO MENTION THIS ALREADY-they get a special express pass that lets them chose a task not to do.
Nat and Kat are team 2, Team Glee are 3. Brooke and Claire manage to come in 4th. Hey Phil, how about asking about her face?? Jeff Probst would have. Katie and Rachel are team 5.
Wow, so this episode is almost over? Not exactly. Now it's the slow loser half time. The Asians are in the boat and it keeps sinking. Again and again. Dad and Kentucky are making up time, find the castle and climb the wall.
Chad and Stephanie kill their knight and take off to find Phil. And, wander aimlessly for ever.
Q: Are the BFFers still in England?? Sooo lost. Birthmom and Tattoos are still lost. They finally find the castle. Tattoos climb the wall and then ask, "what's a battlement??" Can't find the flags. Then they can't find the river... then they can't find the boats.
Chad and Stephanie are still wandering the grounds. Or maybe he's just looking for that perfect proposal spot?
Tattoos find the boats, and for some reason Nick things they both have to sit on the same side. Yea, not so much.
BFFers finally arrive at the castle and WTF?? They have changed clothes. Now in black shirts. GAAAAAY. The fat one keeps stepping in the boat first, and tipping it. Again and Again. Then, cause he's so smart, he explains to his partner how balance works.
Dad and Kentucky come in 6th, Asian Dad and Son finally make it across the water, the son saying "I'm so proud of you, dad" over and over. Awwwww. They are team 7.
Chad and Stephanie are now inside the castle....the finally find Phil and are team 8. Holy crap, the Birthmom and daughter are team 9. LOL. You'd have to have an MBA to come in behind them.
Tattoos come in team 10! Phil asks Vicki what country they are in and she says London. That tattoo ink eats brain cells, kids.
And, finally Ron and Tony make it to the mat. I am sorry to say you have been eeeeeliminated. Jeff and Eileen I SWEAR I do not do this on purpose.
Starting in Lobster boats in Glouster, MA they had to go to Logon Airport and try to get on one of 2 planes to London.
Here's the rundown of the teams:
Brooke and Claire are home shopping network anchors
Ron and Tony are BFFs. And, seriously they are gay.
Nat and Kate are doctors and best friends. One of them is diabetic.
Nick and Vicki are dating tattoo freaks
Jill and Thomas are dating. He's a freaking ahole.
Connor and Jonathan, known forevermore as team Glee. Totally GAY acapella singers, one looks like Harry Potter
Katie and Rachel are beach volley ball ho's "we'll be some bitches"
Gary and Mallory are the required father and daughter team. She is a Miss Kentucky- you know how that works out...
Andie and Jenna-birth mom and the kid she left on the church steps. They have met 3 times.
Michael and Kevin, the famous crazy Asian Dad of internet fame.
Chad and Stephanie are dating and Chad wants to propose.
Oh, and for the record? "Not that there's anything wrong with being gay".
Ok. Two planes, one with a half hour jump. Everyone is driving their smart cars like crazy. Ron and Tony (BFFers)-"get your compass out". WTF?? You are gonna drive using a compass? Bwahahahah. Team Glee gets lost right way.
1st plane: BFFers, Chad and Stephanie and Jill/Thomas. Everyone else bonds in the Virgin Atlantic waiting area. Hey, just a side note, I was wondering if the Virgin airlines would be able to get off the ground, given that VIRGIN MOBILE IS THE WORST CELL PHONE COMPANY YOU CAN USE. lol. I just had to get that out of my system.
London: BFFers tell us Tony is really smart but he hides it well. He has an MBA, and as someone who also has an MBA I can vouch for the degrees fine map reading education. Chad is also a type one Ahole. They are all headed to Stonehenge (YAWN). Birthmom burns her car up, it comes to a stop in the middle of the road, Glee stops to help them. How nice. But then they leave, and she figures out she had it in reverse.
Once at Stonehenge they have to find the opposite of Noreaster. Which ends up being Eastnor Castle. Katie and Rachel can't drive a stick either and get stuck going up a hill. BFFers are lost. But, they did find a good classical radio station to listen to.
Question: When is someone going to bring a GPS??
Eastmor Castle: you have to storm the castle while mad peasants (known as Teabaggers in the US) throw water down on you, then you have to grab a flag, boat across the moat, join a jousting party and then throw watermelons at knights. WOW.
Dad and Kentucky get a flat. Hmmm, team Glee is there as well. Are they actually saboteurs??
The boat is actually like a turtle shell, and it is really hard to get in, stay upright, and pull yourself across using ropes. Chad wants them both to do it standing for some totally ridiculous reason. Aaaaahole.
Meanwhile, Birthmom is looking for NorWEST castle, Nick and Vicki are lost, and BFFers just pulled off for a cup of tea and some scones. Man he is hiding his intelligence well.
Jill and Thomas are the first to the watermelon thang. It appears hard. Claire does it for her team, OMFG, how may times did y'all rewind and rewatch?? Claire takes a watermelon square in the face. HOLY CRAP. That has got to hurt, and she is gonna be bruised. Apparently there is no medic on AR. She does get a pack of ice but then completes the event. "I can't feel my face...I can't feel my face..." Truly nasty.
Once you smash the knight, you get to find Phil on the Castle grounds. Jill and Thomas are team 1 and -OH HOW DID I FORGET TO MENTION THIS ALREADY-they get a special express pass that lets them chose a task not to do.
Nat and Kat are team 2, Team Glee are 3. Brooke and Claire manage to come in 4th. Hey Phil, how about asking about her face?? Jeff Probst would have. Katie and Rachel are team 5.
Wow, so this episode is almost over? Not exactly. Now it's the slow loser half time. The Asians are in the boat and it keeps sinking. Again and again. Dad and Kentucky are making up time, find the castle and climb the wall.
Chad and Stephanie kill their knight and take off to find Phil. And, wander aimlessly for ever.
Q: Are the BFFers still in England?? Sooo lost. Birthmom and Tattoos are still lost. They finally find the castle. Tattoos climb the wall and then ask, "what's a battlement??" Can't find the flags. Then they can't find the river... then they can't find the boats.
Chad and Stephanie are still wandering the grounds. Or maybe he's just looking for that perfect proposal spot?
Tattoos find the boats, and for some reason Nick things they both have to sit on the same side. Yea, not so much.
BFFers finally arrive at the castle and WTF?? They have changed clothes. Now in black shirts. GAAAAAY. The fat one keeps stepping in the boat first, and tipping it. Again and Again. Then, cause he's so smart, he explains to his partner how balance works.
Dad and Kentucky come in 6th, Asian Dad and Son finally make it across the water, the son saying "I'm so proud of you, dad" over and over. Awwwww. They are team 7.
Chad and Stephanie are now inside the castle....the finally find Phil and are team 8. Holy crap, the Birthmom and daughter are team 9. LOL. You'd have to have an MBA to come in behind them.
Tattoos come in team 10! Phil asks Vicki what country they are in and she says London. That tattoo ink eats brain cells, kids.
And, finally Ron and Tony make it to the mat. I am sorry to say you have been eeeeeliminated. Jeff and Eileen I SWEAR I do not do this on purpose.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Survivor Menopause
Yo! Is it hot in Nicaragua or am I having a flash? Oldster Marty can't sleep without his Serta. We gotta fix this shelter thing. JJ wants to fix the roof.
JT wants to go fishing. JJ is all getting his way and stuff, JT is mad. Marty decides to let JJ keep sticking his neck out.
NaO and Sash are all hooking up. Cause, that's what you do when you are in your 20's. He is working the "I'm half African American thing". Wink, and it's the below the belt half. Says he wants to bring in all the minorities which I believe means the smart Asian chick. NaO is now wearing an orange Turban. Just so we know she's ALL minority. She does the AA head shake and says, "Kelly B is a charity case". Uhuh. Charity begins at the turban.
Ahhh, we must be at about day 5 because the Prozac and Lithium are beginning to leave their systems. Jill wants to eat snails. She tastes one and makes a face but says they are OK. Holly WIGS out. Holly is a big hot mess of hormonal imbalance. She actually steals the pot of snails and walks away. Say what? Hormonal Holly then overhears people talking about what a big hot mess she is. So, she steals Dan's Armani leather Survivor Satchel (customized with real elephant tusk handles!) and walks down to the beach. First she fills them with sand, and then puts them in the water. Whoa. I predict a bunny in a pot coming soon!
Armani Dan is now all, "hey where are my $1600 Alligator shoes". WTF?? Who brings $1600 shoes to Survivor?? Hormonal Holly now feels all bad. "I'm struggling emotionally" and I'm sorry guys. Whoa. Jeff, time to call in Medical! "I'll forgive her but I'm going to keep one eye on her and one on my shoes".
Ahhh, and lest we thing the old people have a monopoly on crazy, NaO loses her sock-it was inside her shoe. Seriously, I do not want to stand next to this bitch at the laundromat. She in turn steals Fabio's socks. He asks her, "um, did you ACCIDENTALLY borrow my sock?" Bang!! It's on!! Ya gotta wonder if there are friends and family members who were laughing behind her back saying, "that crazy bitch ain't gonna last 1 week".
Drama continued. Hormonal sits down with JJ. "I don't know if I can to this" JJ:"We need you!"
Challenge. The Young and The Stupid come marching in again. Holy crap!! It's a puzzle free night!!!! Woooohooooo. The challenge is to faceplant yourself into mud, crawl under netting, roll around in hay to find balls, balance the balls on paddles and then pass the balls into a barrel. Wanna know what you're playing for? "Sedatives" I yelled. Nope. A tarp or fishing gear, and immunity.
Old dudes, you have the Medallion of POWWA. That could be exchanged for one ball already in your barrel. Hells yes, Jeff, since we effed up last time and didn't use it, we will use it tonight. NaO and Dan sit out. NaO because she wants the legless girl to crash and burn.
(NOTE: Right about now we had a wicked thunderstorm blow through, and our power went on and off a couple times. But I figured out the gist).
JJ kicks ass, but then the oldsters blow their lead. Hormonal can't find the ball. However, once they have their 3 balls, they get them all smoothly in the barrel while the Young and Stupids can't get one. Old Wins over Youth!! They take the fishing gear.
Oldtime celebration. Hmmm, is Hormonal done being insane?? They find the clue to the hidden idol in the fishing box. Everyone goes to find it and Jill-with-the-stomach-pooch and Marty find it.
Youngsters: Kelly B kicked some one legged ASS today. Alina and Kelly B want Asian Brenda to go. Chase doesn't cause he's kinda got the hots for her and a kinda alliance. He also has an alliance with Shannon. NaO and Brenda want Shannon. Chase tells Brenda, while Alina is listening. Alina tells everyone that Chase is double crossing. What will Chase do??
Tribal, Jeff is in light blue.
Shannon: it's brutal, Jeff. I've never camped. Plus there's no loyalty. He goes right after Chase and his "girlfriend"
Chase: She is not my girlfriend
Shannon: He's pissing me off. He lied to me. Where's your loyalty and integrity??
Jeff: Wow, it's kinda early for this level of woop ass
Fabio: Yo, chill, fo real dudes
Brenda: I think is shows a weakness in Shannon (fuse ignited)
Shannon: Who you calling weak bitch? Am I not trusted?? (lots of eye rolls)
Shannon to Chase: I've had better looking girlfriends than you. You're from NYC which is full of gays.
Alina: I thought I trusted Chase...
Benry: It happened all so fast, I don't know who to trust!
NaO (who can't stay out of a good fight): I hate Fabio.
Fabio: That attitude has been present the whole time, biatch.
NaO goes apeshit.
Fabio:Yo, can we just vote??
Jeff tallies the votes, and it's a blow out for Shannon. Bye bye crazy. Shannon takes the walk of shame, which this season is through a little faux graveyard.
JT wants to go fishing. JJ is all getting his way and stuff, JT is mad. Marty decides to let JJ keep sticking his neck out.
NaO and Sash are all hooking up. Cause, that's what you do when you are in your 20's. He is working the "I'm half African American thing". Wink, and it's the below the belt half. Says he wants to bring in all the minorities which I believe means the smart Asian chick. NaO is now wearing an orange Turban. Just so we know she's ALL minority. She does the AA head shake and says, "Kelly B is a charity case". Uhuh. Charity begins at the turban.
Ahhh, we must be at about day 5 because the Prozac and Lithium are beginning to leave their systems. Jill wants to eat snails. She tastes one and makes a face but says they are OK. Holly WIGS out. Holly is a big hot mess of hormonal imbalance. She actually steals the pot of snails and walks away. Say what? Hormonal Holly then overhears people talking about what a big hot mess she is. So, she steals Dan's Armani leather Survivor Satchel (customized with real elephant tusk handles!) and walks down to the beach. First she fills them with sand, and then puts them in the water. Whoa. I predict a bunny in a pot coming soon!
Armani Dan is now all, "hey where are my $1600 Alligator shoes". WTF?? Who brings $1600 shoes to Survivor?? Hormonal Holly now feels all bad. "I'm struggling emotionally" and I'm sorry guys. Whoa. Jeff, time to call in Medical! "I'll forgive her but I'm going to keep one eye on her and one on my shoes".
Ahhh, and lest we thing the old people have a monopoly on crazy, NaO loses her sock-it was inside her shoe. Seriously, I do not want to stand next to this bitch at the laundromat. She in turn steals Fabio's socks. He asks her, "um, did you ACCIDENTALLY borrow my sock?" Bang!! It's on!! Ya gotta wonder if there are friends and family members who were laughing behind her back saying, "that crazy bitch ain't gonna last 1 week".
Drama continued. Hormonal sits down with JJ. "I don't know if I can to this" JJ:"We need you!"
Challenge. The Young and The Stupid come marching in again. Holy crap!! It's a puzzle free night!!!! Woooohooooo. The challenge is to faceplant yourself into mud, crawl under netting, roll around in hay to find balls, balance the balls on paddles and then pass the balls into a barrel. Wanna know what you're playing for? "Sedatives" I yelled. Nope. A tarp or fishing gear, and immunity.
Old dudes, you have the Medallion of POWWA. That could be exchanged for one ball already in your barrel. Hells yes, Jeff, since we effed up last time and didn't use it, we will use it tonight. NaO and Dan sit out. NaO because she wants the legless girl to crash and burn.
(NOTE: Right about now we had a wicked thunderstorm blow through, and our power went on and off a couple times. But I figured out the gist).
JJ kicks ass, but then the oldsters blow their lead. Hormonal can't find the ball. However, once they have their 3 balls, they get them all smoothly in the barrel while the Young and Stupids can't get one. Old Wins over Youth!! They take the fishing gear.
Oldtime celebration. Hmmm, is Hormonal done being insane?? They find the clue to the hidden idol in the fishing box. Everyone goes to find it and Jill-with-the-stomach-pooch and Marty find it.
Youngsters: Kelly B kicked some one legged ASS today. Alina and Kelly B want Asian Brenda to go. Chase doesn't cause he's kinda got the hots for her and a kinda alliance. He also has an alliance with Shannon. NaO and Brenda want Shannon. Chase tells Brenda, while Alina is listening. Alina tells everyone that Chase is double crossing. What will Chase do??
Tribal, Jeff is in light blue.
Shannon: it's brutal, Jeff. I've never camped. Plus there's no loyalty. He goes right after Chase and his "girlfriend"
Chase: She is not my girlfriend
Shannon: He's pissing me off. He lied to me. Where's your loyalty and integrity??
Jeff: Wow, it's kinda early for this level of woop ass
Fabio: Yo, chill, fo real dudes
Brenda: I think is shows a weakness in Shannon (fuse ignited)
Shannon: Who you calling weak bitch? Am I not trusted?? (lots of eye rolls)
Shannon to Chase: I've had better looking girlfriends than you. You're from NYC which is full of gays.
Alina: I thought I trusted Chase...
Benry: It happened all so fast, I don't know who to trust!
NaO (who can't stay out of a good fight): I hate Fabio.
Fabio: That attitude has been present the whole time, biatch.
NaO goes apeshit.
Fabio:Yo, can we just vote??
Jeff tallies the votes, and it's a blow out for Shannon. Bye bye crazy. Shannon takes the walk of shame, which this season is through a little faux graveyard.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Survivor Nicaragua: Meet the Fockers!
Yo yo yo! Nicaragua!! Land of VOLCANOES!!!!!!!!!! And, um, Conquistadors and, according to Judd "there's no fences around the animals like in the zoo". Duuuuuude. Got, I can't wait until the "throw the virgins in the volcano" challenge.
Jeff is in medium blue. Tease. He's standing on a big hard rock with water shooting up all around him. Uhuh.
Tribal fake out. The survivors are split into two tribes. Jeff asks a few of them stupid questions, although he does not ask Eve (or is it Yve?) "WTF are you doing in the jungle wearing a long sleeved plaid dress with cowboy boots"??
Ahhhh, sumptin new this year. The medallion of POWAAA. It gives your tribe "an edge". It's hidden out in this lagoon. Now go find it. The "very single" Asian chick-Brenda finds it in the tree. But wait! There's more!! Ya think these are your tribe mates? PSYCH!!! This is Survivor AGE discrimination! Woohooo. Old people on one team, young on the other. Old is over 40. WTF?? Ok, I gotta comment on that outrageous bit of CRAP. Now-spoiler alert-after Jeff wore his dark blue shirt to the tribal council, and I met him at the Pottstown Motel 6 (try and keep up newbies), this 40-cough-cough year old performed sexual tricks like any of those 20 year old ho's. Ok, ok, I did have to take a motrin and rub a little Ben-gay on my thighs, but STILL.
So, the old people hobble over to one mat and the young tight buttock'd people ran over to the other mat. Jeff offers the young the option of trading the Medallion of POWAAA for fishing gear. So the old people get the Medallion.
Ok. So right about now I turned to my husband and said, "Hey is that Mike Ditka??" Wil, "yes honey but he is going by an alias, Jimmy Johnson" LOL.
NO NO NO NO-do not make an alliance with the first weirdo you run into! Holly and Wendy hook right on up. BTW-is that what all goat herders are wearing this season?
Oldster Jane starts a fire with glasses-trifocals probably. Why does no one else ever try to do this??
La Flor tribe (which means young skin in Nicaraguan). They're all like, damn we got this!!
Note: am I the only one noticing all of the pixilated penises this season?? And, are these girls in underwear instead of bathing suits?? Did the Nike shipment get lost?
Kelly B is an amputee. She decides to "announce it" since everyone has already seen her run. She strips and shows her bionic leg. Hmmm, does that make her a threat or a weakness? Lots o'opinions on that score. As the younguns do, they all run off to swim together. KB leaves her limb on the shore. I kept waiting for Russell (Etroll) to run out of the jungle and steal it.
Espada Tribe (Nicaraguan for lack of bladder control): Jimmy J is puking. "I never thought it would be this hard". It's friggin day one!! Jimmy, you been living in a mansion and riding around life in a golf cart way too long.
Alina and Kelly B take a walk, find a hidden immunity idol.
Treemail. Jimmy J gives the tribe a big ass pep talk. Go team!!
Challenge: Jeff is in blue, medium blue. OMFG, the young tribe dances onto the mat. UGH. I so want them to go down.
It's the gutter guard challenge. Pour water into a series of rain gutters, into a bucket. First team to fill their bucket gets...wait for it...you know it's coming.....FRIGGIN PUZZLE PIECES. The medallion of POWAA can be traded in for an advantage, which in this case is their first bucket of water. I think they say no to that. Jeff shows the idol, which this season is not made out of coconuts but is some play on a cartoon conquistador.
Both teams are pouring water. The old team is a little more shaky, but as Jeff says at one point "The older tribe has a great flow now". I really thought the next commercial was going to be for Flomax. Youngsters are a little bit ahead going into the puzzle. Yea, they kick the old people's ass, which surprises me since most old people I know love doing puzzles. But maybe only in reclining chairs with afghans on their legs.
Espala: Holy crap, Jimmy T is only 48?? He looks like 60 and he's complaining he needs a nap. Jeeebus. Coach is a target as is Wendy, the weird ass goat herder.
Tribal, Jeff is in Dark Blue!! YAY FOR ME!!
He compliments Jane on getting the fire started. "Well, Jeff, I read your article on why no one ever learns to build fire before coming on to the show (I believe it was in AARP magazine) and have been practicing for 2 months.
Jimmy the J: Is there a target on your back? Noooo, Jeff, I'm not a threat to anyone. I'm just here for vomiting fun! I already have a boatload of CASH. Jimmy T (jealous because he was expecting to be the only one named Jimmy this season) isn't buying it.
Raise your hand if you think you are in trouble tonight. Half of them raise their hand. Wendy somehow gets started on how she didn't connect well with her tribe, which is always a good thing to point out, says, "no one even asked me my age". Whaaaa? You never ask a woman her age. She then goes on and on and on, really digging her grave. And, alas, she is the first person voted off Survivor Nicaragua. Kevin, Matt and Nancy, you are safe for now but I think the alternate is a wackadoo as well.
Jeff is in medium blue. Tease. He's standing on a big hard rock with water shooting up all around him. Uhuh.
Tribal fake out. The survivors are split into two tribes. Jeff asks a few of them stupid questions, although he does not ask Eve (or is it Yve?) "WTF are you doing in the jungle wearing a long sleeved plaid dress with cowboy boots"??
Ahhhh, sumptin new this year. The medallion of POWAAA. It gives your tribe "an edge". It's hidden out in this lagoon. Now go find it. The "very single" Asian chick-Brenda finds it in the tree. But wait! There's more!! Ya think these are your tribe mates? PSYCH!!! This is Survivor AGE discrimination! Woohooo. Old people on one team, young on the other. Old is over 40. WTF?? Ok, I gotta comment on that outrageous bit of CRAP. Now-spoiler alert-after Jeff wore his dark blue shirt to the tribal council, and I met him at the Pottstown Motel 6 (try and keep up newbies), this 40-cough-cough year old performed sexual tricks like any of those 20 year old ho's. Ok, ok, I did have to take a motrin and rub a little Ben-gay on my thighs, but STILL.
So, the old people hobble over to one mat and the young tight buttock'd people ran over to the other mat. Jeff offers the young the option of trading the Medallion of POWAAA for fishing gear. So the old people get the Medallion.
Ok. So right about now I turned to my husband and said, "Hey is that Mike Ditka??" Wil, "yes honey but he is going by an alias, Jimmy Johnson" LOL.
NO NO NO NO-do not make an alliance with the first weirdo you run into! Holly and Wendy hook right on up. BTW-is that what all goat herders are wearing this season?
Oldster Jane starts a fire with glasses-trifocals probably. Why does no one else ever try to do this??
La Flor tribe (which means young skin in Nicaraguan). They're all like, damn we got this!!
Note: am I the only one noticing all of the pixilated penises this season?? And, are these girls in underwear instead of bathing suits?? Did the Nike shipment get lost?
Kelly B is an amputee. She decides to "announce it" since everyone has already seen her run. She strips and shows her bionic leg. Hmmm, does that make her a threat or a weakness? Lots o'opinions on that score. As the younguns do, they all run off to swim together. KB leaves her limb on the shore. I kept waiting for Russell (Etroll) to run out of the jungle and steal it.
Espada Tribe (Nicaraguan for lack of bladder control): Jimmy J is puking. "I never thought it would be this hard". It's friggin day one!! Jimmy, you been living in a mansion and riding around life in a golf cart way too long.
Alina and Kelly B take a walk, find a hidden immunity idol.
Treemail. Jimmy J gives the tribe a big ass pep talk. Go team!!
Challenge: Jeff is in blue, medium blue. OMFG, the young tribe dances onto the mat. UGH. I so want them to go down.
It's the gutter guard challenge. Pour water into a series of rain gutters, into a bucket. First team to fill their bucket gets...wait for it...you know it's coming.....FRIGGIN PUZZLE PIECES. The medallion of POWAA can be traded in for an advantage, which in this case is their first bucket of water. I think they say no to that. Jeff shows the idol, which this season is not made out of coconuts but is some play on a cartoon conquistador.
Both teams are pouring water. The old team is a little more shaky, but as Jeff says at one point "The older tribe has a great flow now". I really thought the next commercial was going to be for Flomax. Youngsters are a little bit ahead going into the puzzle. Yea, they kick the old people's ass, which surprises me since most old people I know love doing puzzles. But maybe only in reclining chairs with afghans on their legs.
Espala: Holy crap, Jimmy T is only 48?? He looks like 60 and he's complaining he needs a nap. Jeeebus. Coach is a target as is Wendy, the weird ass goat herder.
Tribal, Jeff is in Dark Blue!! YAY FOR ME!!
He compliments Jane on getting the fire started. "Well, Jeff, I read your article on why no one ever learns to build fire before coming on to the show (I believe it was in AARP magazine) and have been practicing for 2 months.
Jimmy the J: Is there a target on your back? Noooo, Jeff, I'm not a threat to anyone. I'm just here for vomiting fun! I already have a boatload of CASH. Jimmy T (jealous because he was expecting to be the only one named Jimmy this season) isn't buying it.
Raise your hand if you think you are in trouble tonight. Half of them raise their hand. Wendy somehow gets started on how she didn't connect well with her tribe, which is always a good thing to point out, says, "no one even asked me my age". Whaaaa? You never ask a woman her age. She then goes on and on and on, really digging her grave. And, alas, she is the first person voted off Survivor Nicaragua. Kevin, Matt and Nancy, you are safe for now but I think the alternate is a wackadoo as well.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Survivor, by Palm Pre
Yo yo yo!! Welcome to the ALMOST last update for the HISTORIC, 10 YEAR SURVIVOR!! Ahhhhh, my job here is almost done. Before I forget, I just opened all of the checks, and will let you know later if I don't have $$ from you. Thanks for all the funny notes accompanying the $$. I am totally hoping Carolyn or Ed Parkes are reading this, because I would like to call Ed out for giving me such a beating up over choosing Russell for him. Hmmmm, Ed, ya wanna walk that back a little bit??
Tonight's episode is clearly brought to you by Palm's Pre (ding).
Lots of residual drama brought about by the fact that Perv was blindsided by Danielle's going home. Perv and Sandra discuss what happened. "I thought it was Rupert". Perv talks to Jerri, tells her she knows Russell changed his vote. Jerri tells her that Etroll threatened her that she would be next if she didn't vote for Danielle. They agree that they need to get back to the plan of getting rid of Colby and Rupert, cause if either of them end up in the finale they will win. Perv now agrees that Russell is clearly the biggest Villain in Survivor history.
Tree mail is .....a SPRINT Palm Pre phone. And, it's a family challenge. Oh, goody.
Come on in! Jeff is in Dark Blue. I cannot wait for him to grab that faux bamboo ice bucket they use to hold the votes, jump back on the military stealth helicopter and fly home to Spring City. I've already laid out the large white panties in the back yard to mark the landing strip.
Big family hugs.
Here's Russell's poor abused wife. God, I was yelling at the teevee "run and hide, run and hide".
Rupert's wife-it's their 12th anniversary.
Sandra's uncle-had to dig a little to get a sob store. "I love him he was with my mom when she died". Guess the US Military couldn't spare her husband for the weekend.
Colby's brother Reid
Perv with her dad, Mike,
Jerri with her sister, Jennifer who is from Germany.
The challenge is to scoop water, throw it at your loved one and fill up a bucket of water. Wanna know what you're playing for? At trip to a BLOWHOLE. hahahahhahahah. As if they don't get enough of blowholes back at camp. Oh, and they get to take the phone with them to CAPTURE THE MEMORIES. Because the Palm Pre has a PHONE. Woooooow. How innovative! Let me throw my iPhone right out and git me one.
Ok they toss the water. Colby the lame is mad that his brother has no water catching talent. Russell's wife is unexpectedly good at catching things thrown at her from Russell.
Jerri and her sister win reward! She gets to chose someone to join them. She picks Perv. "Can I chose one more, puleeeaaassseee Jeff?" Okkkkaaaaaayyyyyyy. She chooses Sandra. LOL. Troll is PISSED. "She just screwed up". Off camera you see the Troll's wife handing Jerri a $20 bill as thank you.
At the blowhole, some Samoan actor hands them coconuts to throw in the blowholes and then they watch the coconuts fly in the air from the blowhole. All captured on their PALM PRE (ding). They also get donuts and cookies. WTF?? I could get that at the after church reception, well only if offered on Christmas or Easter. Perv and the gals talk. Jerri-Russell is totally gonna be mad at me now. Perv tells her she is under her and Sandra's protection now. Not to worry!!
Back at camp, Russell is fuming. "I haven't beaten, I mean SEEN my wife in 40 days!". Rupert is feeding the fire. Troll: "I've been taking care of Jerri this whole time-been dragging her through the mud the whole way". Russell offers Colby and Rupert final 3. LOL. Yea, I believe that. Rupert: "I want to believe him, but he's a Villain. But, he's the only Villain I got".
Women return to camp. Russell and Colby are asleep, Rupert is up working around camp. Making noise and everyone is mad. LOL-Sellman, I KNOW you can relate to that. Jerri is especially pissed, she wants Rupert gone. Jerri talks to Russell, asks him if he was mad. "Nope". He tells her he wants to take her to the top.
"I control the game because I control Jerri. I'm not telling Jerri about voting Perv out".
Immunity Challenge: Light Blue. It's the hold two poles in your outstretched hands challenge. I think they played this in the POW camps in Viet Nam. Colby the lame lasts 15 seconds. Sandra less than a minute. Russell, out. Jerri, out. After 17 minutes, Rupert drops his and Perv wins immunity! Rupert " Plan B is Sandra".
Back at camp. Troll "It's Rupert since Perv is staying" "I have to go back to the girls". He CLEARLY did not learn his lesson last season about pissing the entire friggin jury off.
Sandra tells Rupert it's Russell. Rupert RUNS AS FAST AS HIS FAT LITTLE LEGS CAN CARRY HIM to the troll to rat her out. Tells him Sandra is pushing for it hard. Russell's head spins around 3 times and he spits green vomit out. Russell confronts Sandra and Perv in the shelter, asks Sandra if she's with him or against him. She laughs and says, "I'm against you". Russell threatens Sandra, and Perv and Sandra laugh at him. Sandra yells, "Rupert, loose lips sink ships". Russell tells Rupert and Jerri that he wants to get rid of Sandra. Rupert's totally fine with that.
Tribal: Dark blue.
Sandra-wassup with last week? Rupert tried to stir stuff up between me and Russell.
Russell-Rupert told me Sandra was trying to throw me under the bus
Sandra-are you with me or not?
Russell-I don't trust you
Sandra-I'm against you.
Perv-it is no longer Heroes vs Villains, Jeff.
Jeff-is there a benefit to switching alliances?
Perv-it needs to be all villains at the end
Rupert-you are going to want a hero in the final to prove how villainous you are by voting out your alliance.
Time to vote. Before Jeff even asks, Sandra pulls the idol out of her bra. "I'd hate to go home with this".
Rupert is the next person voted off.
Tonight's episode is clearly brought to you by Palm's Pre (ding).
Lots of residual drama brought about by the fact that Perv was blindsided by Danielle's going home. Perv and Sandra discuss what happened. "I thought it was Rupert". Perv talks to Jerri, tells her she knows Russell changed his vote. Jerri tells her that Etroll threatened her that she would be next if she didn't vote for Danielle. They agree that they need to get back to the plan of getting rid of Colby and Rupert, cause if either of them end up in the finale they will win. Perv now agrees that Russell is clearly the biggest Villain in Survivor history.
Tree mail is .....a SPRINT Palm Pre phone. And, it's a family challenge. Oh, goody.
Come on in! Jeff is in Dark Blue. I cannot wait for him to grab that faux bamboo ice bucket they use to hold the votes, jump back on the military stealth helicopter and fly home to Spring City. I've already laid out the large white panties in the back yard to mark the landing strip.
Big family hugs.
Here's Russell's poor abused wife. God, I was yelling at the teevee "run and hide, run and hide".
Rupert's wife-it's their 12th anniversary.
Sandra's uncle-had to dig a little to get a sob store. "I love him he was with my mom when she died". Guess the US Military couldn't spare her husband for the weekend.
Colby's brother Reid
Perv with her dad, Mike,
Jerri with her sister, Jennifer who is from Germany.
The challenge is to scoop water, throw it at your loved one and fill up a bucket of water. Wanna know what you're playing for? At trip to a BLOWHOLE. hahahahhahahah. As if they don't get enough of blowholes back at camp. Oh, and they get to take the phone with them to CAPTURE THE MEMORIES. Because the Palm Pre has a PHONE. Woooooow. How innovative! Let me throw my iPhone right out and git me one.
Ok they toss the water. Colby the lame is mad that his brother has no water catching talent. Russell's wife is unexpectedly good at catching things thrown at her from Russell.
Jerri and her sister win reward! She gets to chose someone to join them. She picks Perv. "Can I chose one more, puleeeaaassseee Jeff?" Okkkkaaaaaayyyyyyy. She chooses Sandra. LOL. Troll is PISSED. "She just screwed up". Off camera you see the Troll's wife handing Jerri a $20 bill as thank you.
At the blowhole, some Samoan actor hands them coconuts to throw in the blowholes and then they watch the coconuts fly in the air from the blowhole. All captured on their PALM PRE (ding). They also get donuts and cookies. WTF?? I could get that at the after church reception, well only if offered on Christmas or Easter. Perv and the gals talk. Jerri-Russell is totally gonna be mad at me now. Perv tells her she is under her and Sandra's protection now. Not to worry!!
Back at camp, Russell is fuming. "I haven't beaten, I mean SEEN my wife in 40 days!". Rupert is feeding the fire. Troll: "I've been taking care of Jerri this whole time-been dragging her through the mud the whole way". Russell offers Colby and Rupert final 3. LOL. Yea, I believe that. Rupert: "I want to believe him, but he's a Villain. But, he's the only Villain I got".
Women return to camp. Russell and Colby are asleep, Rupert is up working around camp. Making noise and everyone is mad. LOL-Sellman, I KNOW you can relate to that. Jerri is especially pissed, she wants Rupert gone. Jerri talks to Russell, asks him if he was mad. "Nope". He tells her he wants to take her to the top.
"I control the game because I control Jerri. I'm not telling Jerri about voting Perv out".
Immunity Challenge: Light Blue. It's the hold two poles in your outstretched hands challenge. I think they played this in the POW camps in Viet Nam. Colby the lame lasts 15 seconds. Sandra less than a minute. Russell, out. Jerri, out. After 17 minutes, Rupert drops his and Perv wins immunity! Rupert " Plan B is Sandra".
Back at camp. Troll "It's Rupert since Perv is staying" "I have to go back to the girls". He CLEARLY did not learn his lesson last season about pissing the entire friggin jury off.
Sandra tells Rupert it's Russell. Rupert RUNS AS FAST AS HIS FAT LITTLE LEGS CAN CARRY HIM to the troll to rat her out. Tells him Sandra is pushing for it hard. Russell's head spins around 3 times and he spits green vomit out. Russell confronts Sandra and Perv in the shelter, asks Sandra if she's with him or against him. She laughs and says, "I'm against you". Russell threatens Sandra, and Perv and Sandra laugh at him. Sandra yells, "Rupert, loose lips sink ships". Russell tells Rupert and Jerri that he wants to get rid of Sandra. Rupert's totally fine with that.
Tribal: Dark blue.
Sandra-wassup with last week? Rupert tried to stir stuff up between me and Russell.
Russell-Rupert told me Sandra was trying to throw me under the bus
Sandra-are you with me or not?
Russell-I don't trust you
Sandra-I'm against you.
Perv-it is no longer Heroes vs Villains, Jeff.
Jeff-is there a benefit to switching alliances?
Perv-it needs to be all villains at the end
Rupert-you are going to want a hero in the final to prove how villainous you are by voting out your alliance.
Time to vote. Before Jeff even asks, Sandra pulls the idol out of her bra. "I'd hate to go home with this".
Rupert is the next person voted off.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Amazing Race Finale!
Wooohooo, congrats to Lori Dark Mcgee and the Gaybros, winner of the Spring 2010 Amazing Race! And, I think we all won as Miss Teen South Carolina taught us all a lesson about laughing at the dumb beauty queens among us. IT'S FUN AS HELL.
Ok, so the final 3 teams ended up in Shanghai (for like DAYS I think), and had to fly to San Francisco as their final destination. Does Phil friggin live in San Fran?? This is a repeat of a past race with a Presidio final.
Everyone, surprise surprise, is on the same place to SF. Gaybros are all excited because it's a gay friendly town. Apparently the flight crew is gay friendly as well (AND AGAIN, NO SURPRISE THERE), and the g'bros move up to first class to be closer to the front of the plane.
In SF they have to solve a riddle (which if done right leads to the Coit tower). Brent and Caite, every the politically correct nice couple, bitch about getting a non-english taxi driver. This from a girl that said, "such as, the Iraq" in perfectly understandable english. The cowboys bought a book in Shanghai, "The Smart Guide to SF", mostly to avoid (hmmmm or is it secretly find) the gay areas.
Brent and the Hater are lost. They're freaking out. Hater calls Brent a dumb ass, and tells him she wants to punch him in the face. Ahhh, I am seeing a double wide with lots of action of a drunken Friday night in their futures.
Gaybros get to Coit: it's a roadblock. One of them has to climb the 120 ft vertical tower. Daniel does it. Don't ask me which one is Daniel. Cowboys arrive about the time the Gaybros finish-they have to find the Yoda Statue at the Industrial Light and Magic studios.
Brent and the hater finally get the first clue, and stop at at hotel to ask what it means.
Star Wars GEEK FESTIVAL. Talk amongst yourselves, what is more gay Star Trek or Star Wars? You may use diagrams. At ILM Yoda gives out the clue and C3P0 leads the teams inside. Inside ILM, one team member has to wear a special onesie -oh, sorry, the proper name is a "Motion Capture Shirt". The other team member has to lead the first one in an animated computer game thingy. Cowboys finish BUT you have to spin to read the final clue. Gaybros arrive, and the one at the computer starts to randomly say shit to throw off the Cowboy. LOL. The gaybro finished as well, BUT he has to wait for the Cowboy to move out of the spot so he can read the clue. Gaybro watches the Cowboy turn in a circle the entire time but never thinks to say to his partner, "hey I wonder if I have to freaking spin too so you can read it". Meanwhile Little Miss Hater makes up some time. Damnit.
Teams now have to go to the famous Tonga Room. Never heard of it myself. You have to get a trunk and carry it to your next destination. I think R2D2 is inside and get all excited. Cowboys and Brent/Hater are neck and neck but the brain trust forgot their money and stuff and have to go back. YESSSSS.
Gaybros arrive first. The trunk is full of 11 "posters" of the legs of the race, and who was kicked off, and they have to put it in order. One of the gaybros has the order all written down. The final clue is another riddle, but is totally lame and leads to Candlestick Park. The cowboys arrive...Gaybros need a taxi...Cowboys are confused.........They finish........
It's a taxi chase (or we are supposed to believe it is).......the winners are.............the GAYBROS!!!.. Wooohooooo!! Cowboys come in second. It's a total I love you man brokeback moment. Brent and Caite come in 3rd. The nasty lesbian won't even clap. They are still fighting with Caite as the credits roll.
Ok, so the final 3 teams ended up in Shanghai (for like DAYS I think), and had to fly to San Francisco as their final destination. Does Phil friggin live in San Fran?? This is a repeat of a past race with a Presidio final.
Everyone, surprise surprise, is on the same place to SF. Gaybros are all excited because it's a gay friendly town. Apparently the flight crew is gay friendly as well (AND AGAIN, NO SURPRISE THERE), and the g'bros move up to first class to be closer to the front of the plane.
In SF they have to solve a riddle (which if done right leads to the Coit tower). Brent and Caite, every the politically correct nice couple, bitch about getting a non-english taxi driver. This from a girl that said, "such as, the Iraq" in perfectly understandable english. The cowboys bought a book in Shanghai, "The Smart Guide to SF", mostly to avoid (hmmmm or is it secretly find) the gay areas.
Brent and the Hater are lost. They're freaking out. Hater calls Brent a dumb ass, and tells him she wants to punch him in the face. Ahhh, I am seeing a double wide with lots of action of a drunken Friday night in their futures.
Gaybros get to Coit: it's a roadblock. One of them has to climb the 120 ft vertical tower. Daniel does it. Don't ask me which one is Daniel. Cowboys arrive about the time the Gaybros finish-they have to find the Yoda Statue at the Industrial Light and Magic studios.
Brent and the hater finally get the first clue, and stop at at hotel to ask what it means.
Star Wars GEEK FESTIVAL. Talk amongst yourselves, what is more gay Star Trek or Star Wars? You may use diagrams. At ILM Yoda gives out the clue and C3P0 leads the teams inside. Inside ILM, one team member has to wear a special onesie -oh, sorry, the proper name is a "Motion Capture Shirt". The other team member has to lead the first one in an animated computer game thingy. Cowboys finish BUT you have to spin to read the final clue. Gaybros arrive, and the one at the computer starts to randomly say shit to throw off the Cowboy. LOL. The gaybro finished as well, BUT he has to wait for the Cowboy to move out of the spot so he can read the clue. Gaybro watches the Cowboy turn in a circle the entire time but never thinks to say to his partner, "hey I wonder if I have to freaking spin too so you can read it". Meanwhile Little Miss Hater makes up some time. Damnit.
Teams now have to go to the famous Tonga Room. Never heard of it myself. You have to get a trunk and carry it to your next destination. I think R2D2 is inside and get all excited. Cowboys and Brent/Hater are neck and neck but the brain trust forgot their money and stuff and have to go back. YESSSSS.
Gaybros arrive first. The trunk is full of 11 "posters" of the legs of the race, and who was kicked off, and they have to put it in order. One of the gaybros has the order all written down. The final clue is another riddle, but is totally lame and leads to Candlestick Park. The cowboys arrive...Gaybros need a taxi...Cowboys are confused.........They finish........
It's a taxi chase (or we are supposed to believe it is).......the winners are.............the GAYBROS!!!.. Wooohooooo!! Cowboys come in second. It's a total I love you man brokeback moment. Brent and Caite come in 3rd. The nasty lesbian won't even clap. They are still fighting with Caite as the credits roll.
Survivor on Speed
Ok people, buckle up, we're rushing towards Sunday's finale with two challenges and two tribal councils tonight!
Jeff voice over: Russell has achieved his goals with lies and deception". Just the way we like him. However, he is "super paranoid, wasting his idol last week".
Heroes think Candace is weak. Or, maybe just a back stabbing opportunist BITCH who Matt says is "dead to him". LOL. Still laughing about that. She's "pitiful and belongs on the Villain team", which is fortunate for her since that is the WINNING team.
Rupert thinks Russell is a disgusting human. He and Russell are in an out and out fight. Troll: "Ima villain, here to make your life hell. I'm the second coming of Christ". Ok, that's overboard even for me. "I want Rupert gone".
Immunity challenge #1: Jeff is in dark blue. It's the stand with one hand up, tied onto a rope with a bucket of water, or as we like to call it in our house, Saturday night. Jeff is going to challenge them. Jeff, I will let go for a little action in the woods. Pick me Pick me!!
Sandra and Russell step out for cookies and milk. Colby goes for 4 donuts and iced coffee. 35 minutes go by. PBJ, chips, candy and milk-Danielle, Candace and Jerri share this. It's down to Rupert and Perv. Let me just say FOR THE RECORD, that even though I think Perv is a snake, she does work it in the challenges. Rupert falls, and Perv once again wins immunity.
But wait!! There's a twist!! It's an immunity note that the Probster reads to everyone. Ahhhh, I love it when he reads me a bedtime story.
Back at camp and they are like ants on a picnic blanket looking for that idol. Sandra finds it. Rupert: "even if I don't have an idol, I can play like I do". He puts something in his pocket and strolls away. Russell thinks Rupert has it. Tells Sandra they need to split the votes 3-3, but Jerri wants Candace gone, Danielle wants Colby.
Tribal.
Candace: I did not join the villains. I was not the one that switched.
Colby: Bullshit.
Is it Rupert of Colby tonight? Troll says yep, Rupert is the consensus.
Rupert: I stayed until the idol was found.
Time to vote.......anyone have an idol??? Nope. Candace is voted out. Which is OK since she was dead to Matt anyway.
Russell: we just blew it, it was a stupid idea. Jerri: "then you should have stopped it". Troll:" I'm not fully in control but ima gonna take control so fast they won't know what hit them.
BANG, we're back to another challenge. Seriously, why all the rush?? It seems like a new challenge to me. Ya gotta dig up pegs, and then use them in a table maze then some wall thngy. But, alas, it's still just a puzzle challenge.
I'll spare you the drama. Russell wins immunity. And, when Jeff puts the necklace on him, they both burst into flames of hatred. Ok, I made that up.
They return to camp in the rain. Perv wants Rupert gone, she wants "no heroes left". Russell wants to break up Danielle and Perv, which is actually a decent strategy. He talks to both Danielle and Perv, working both. He and Perv argue: "If you talk to Danielle you are out of this game". Seriously, you can see how Russell recently got arrested for knocking a woman to the ground. And, I'm betting it was his mother.
Perv talks to Danielle- "Russell is a liar"
Russell is worried about Danielle and Perv. "As soon as we get rid of Danielle, Perv will be so scared she'll stick to me". Russell talks to Rupert.
Danielle and Perv talk to Jerri. "I'm voting for Rupert". Troll: "Vote Danielle or you are next". Which is ridiculous since she is probably next anyway.
Tribal: Dark blue.
Rupert: Who's running the show? Perv or Russell
Danielle: I'm not sure of that, the villains make joint decisions. Uhuh.
Jerri is it peaceful around camp? Hell no! As you can see, Jeff, I haven't had my beauty sleep in many moons
Perv: Russell told me Danielle was trying to blindside me. Russell is trying to trust loyalty
Danielle: LIAR. The 3 of us are in an alliance! Why is he testing me. boooohooooo. I'm a wreck and exhausted, and I have facial hair. I don't know why Russell is trying to mess with it all. I'm closer to Perv than you all think (boy I wish we had time to explore THAT LITTLE NUGGET).
Jerri is just sitting back sucking this up!!
Time to vote: Rupert 3, Danielle 4. "The villains are not one big happy family!!
Jeff voice over: Russell has achieved his goals with lies and deception". Just the way we like him. However, he is "super paranoid, wasting his idol last week".
Heroes think Candace is weak. Or, maybe just a back stabbing opportunist BITCH who Matt says is "dead to him". LOL. Still laughing about that. She's "pitiful and belongs on the Villain team", which is fortunate for her since that is the WINNING team.
Rupert thinks Russell is a disgusting human. He and Russell are in an out and out fight. Troll: "Ima villain, here to make your life hell. I'm the second coming of Christ". Ok, that's overboard even for me. "I want Rupert gone".
Immunity challenge #1: Jeff is in dark blue. It's the stand with one hand up, tied onto a rope with a bucket of water, or as we like to call it in our house, Saturday night. Jeff is going to challenge them. Jeff, I will let go for a little action in the woods. Pick me Pick me!!
Sandra and Russell step out for cookies and milk. Colby goes for 4 donuts and iced coffee. 35 minutes go by. PBJ, chips, candy and milk-Danielle, Candace and Jerri share this. It's down to Rupert and Perv. Let me just say FOR THE RECORD, that even though I think Perv is a snake, she does work it in the challenges. Rupert falls, and Perv once again wins immunity.
But wait!! There's a twist!! It's an immunity note that the Probster reads to everyone. Ahhhh, I love it when he reads me a bedtime story.
Back at camp and they are like ants on a picnic blanket looking for that idol. Sandra finds it. Rupert: "even if I don't have an idol, I can play like I do". He puts something in his pocket and strolls away. Russell thinks Rupert has it. Tells Sandra they need to split the votes 3-3, but Jerri wants Candace gone, Danielle wants Colby.
Tribal.
Candace: I did not join the villains. I was not the one that switched.
Colby: Bullshit.
Is it Rupert of Colby tonight? Troll says yep, Rupert is the consensus.
Rupert: I stayed until the idol was found.
Time to vote.......anyone have an idol??? Nope. Candace is voted out. Which is OK since she was dead to Matt anyway.
Russell: we just blew it, it was a stupid idea. Jerri: "then you should have stopped it". Troll:" I'm not fully in control but ima gonna take control so fast they won't know what hit them.
BANG, we're back to another challenge. Seriously, why all the rush?? It seems like a new challenge to me. Ya gotta dig up pegs, and then use them in a table maze then some wall thngy. But, alas, it's still just a puzzle challenge.
I'll spare you the drama. Russell wins immunity. And, when Jeff puts the necklace on him, they both burst into flames of hatred. Ok, I made that up.
They return to camp in the rain. Perv wants Rupert gone, she wants "no heroes left". Russell wants to break up Danielle and Perv, which is actually a decent strategy. He talks to both Danielle and Perv, working both. He and Perv argue: "If you talk to Danielle you are out of this game". Seriously, you can see how Russell recently got arrested for knocking a woman to the ground. And, I'm betting it was his mother.
Perv talks to Danielle- "Russell is a liar"
Russell is worried about Danielle and Perv. "As soon as we get rid of Danielle, Perv will be so scared she'll stick to me". Russell talks to Rupert.
Danielle and Perv talk to Jerri. "I'm voting for Rupert". Troll: "Vote Danielle or you are next". Which is ridiculous since she is probably next anyway.
Tribal: Dark blue.
Rupert: Who's running the show? Perv or Russell
Danielle: I'm not sure of that, the villains make joint decisions. Uhuh.
Jerri is it peaceful around camp? Hell no! As you can see, Jeff, I haven't had my beauty sleep in many moons
Perv: Russell told me Danielle was trying to blindside me. Russell is trying to trust loyalty
Danielle: LIAR. The 3 of us are in an alliance! Why is he testing me. boooohooooo. I'm a wreck and exhausted, and I have facial hair. I don't know why Russell is trying to mess with it all. I'm closer to Perv than you all think (boy I wish we had time to explore THAT LITTLE NUGGET).
Jerri is just sitting back sucking this up!!
Time to vote: Rupert 3, Danielle 4. "The villains are not one big happy family!!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Amazing Race: And then there were 3
And then there were 3. Is tonight the finale?
Ok, so I missed the update last week, and didn't get to comment on the noodle making with the dwarf, or the fact that the detective was completely unable to finish a puzzle. Detectives came in last place BUT it was a non eeeeelimination round. They have to do a speedbump this week.
We're in Shanghai. Phil's wearing gloves so it must be cold. He's at the last pit stop, which was the science and technology museum. See, if this were America? It would be the TV and internet GAMES museum, because Americans do not value science or technology (unless it's oil rigs-oh, whoops).
Teams have to find the Garden Bridge, which no one but Americans calls the Garden Bridge. They call it WibiduChow, which sounds nothing like GAAARRRRRDDDDDEEEEENNNNNNN BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDGGGGGEEEEEE no matter how loud or slowly you keep saying it. Cowboys are first to leave, and hey this is a good time to talk about Cord getting kicked in the head by a cow horn. Ok, so what's Jet's problem?? They get directed to a park.
Ah, Brent and Miss USA are next to leave. Let's bring up A-FREAKING-GAIN that she made a horses ASS of herself on the pageant. She is convinced her brilliance shown on the Amazing Race is going to make everyone forget about THE IRAQ. Hmmm, maybe the first step is to stop bringing it up yourself, Caite. Nobody they ask knows where it is.
The cowboys get to the bridge, but it's the wrong one. Caite and Brent find someone to translate. They are off to find a cab. They do a gay fist pump. Cowboys get in a taxi, and he doesn't know where the bridge is.
Gaybros leave. They are all freaked and lost.
Brent and Caite find the bridge. Travel to the Lonhau Temple-and there's a speedbump there. No taxi allowed. B/C get out a map and take a bus. Once again Caite has to mouth off on how smart she is because she can read a friggin map. "So people you can go screw yourselves". Ah, the cocky bird sometimes get the wrong end of the worm. Confucius. You can use that on your FB status, Karen.
Gaybros find some fat Chinese dude exercising one leg and they go back and forth 10 times each saying the word BRIDGE. LOL. He asks Gaybros "where is the garden bridge??" LOL. They decide to go back and get Mike and Louis to ride off their coattails. "We love you, and we have been walking around for 2 hours because we want to hang with you dudes". They get up high and attempt to look for the bridge with binoculars.
Brent and the Rhoades Scholar find the Temple. Roadblock: teams must enter the "hole" and count the number of gold statues to find enlightenment. The Scholar goes in to count. "I'm glad Caite has another chance to prove how smart she is". LOL. She counts in vertical lines, but gets confused. Goes back to count horizontally. Brent is people watching outside. The scholar gets it wrong first time.
Cowboys are looking for the metro. While a million buses go by. The detectives/gaybros see a sign with two jackets hanging off. They head over, and ...not it.
Caite gets it wrong for a second time. D'oh!
Detective finds a group of kids, asks them to call the translation service and they get it. The Gaybros try to get their taxi driver to follow. Not working well... Follow...follow...follow. Hint: in a foreign country it is always worthwhile to keep yelling the same word in English. They are having a shit fit.
The Scholar gets it wrong again for the 3rd time. Cowboys find the Temple, Brent is kinda hiding. They can't find the clue box. Meanwhile Caite is counting again. She keeps missing the TWO BIG ASS GOLDEN STATUES BY THE DOOR. Jet counts ALL of the statues and gets it. Rhoades Scholar finally figures it out. They have to take motorcycles to Yuyuan gardens. "I'm from a town with one traffic light and it's flashing". After the taxi ride they have to find a garden. Oooh, Caite gets to show she is also a dramatic actress as she racially mocks the Chinese for coming up to her and saying, "oh, you wanna buy this? you wanna buy this? me love you long time". Ok, I added that last one in.
Amazingly the Gaybros find the Detectives taxi, and the Bridge clue. Ask how to get there and all 4 take the same bus. Clearly the race for last place is ON.
Cowboys find the clue. Detour: Pork chops or Pork dumplings. Chops: teams make their way to a store that sells stamps, called chops. They have to look for a stamp with a pig and each of their names on the bottom. Dumplings: pick up and deliver 10 orders of dumplings. Cowboys do chops. As do Brent and Caite. But Brent has to pee and Caite won't let him. "Just hold it". She's a bitch.
Speedbump: Perform a local good luck ritual-toss a coin in an incense burner. Detectives are off to do that. Meanwhile, the Bros are counting gold statues. I'm not even sure this speedbump takes 2 whole minutes. Off to count. Louis is a mathematical genius.
I gotta pee. Nope. She finally lets him pee. After they leave, the cowboys find Brent's piece and hide it.
Bro counts right. They are off to the motorcycles. The gaybro likes the part about straddling and holding on to a Chinese man on the bike. Niiiiice. The math genius gets it wrong. Back to count after 10 minute wait. He re-reads the clue while waiting and then goes in, writes down 523 and they finish.
Jet finds his stamp. Brent finds his. "Baby I got mine. It's huge, just like everything else". Caite finds hers, then Cord finds his. "Make your way to the pit stop". It's a taxi-off. Brent: "they don't even understand their own language".
Riverfront. They are racing to find Phil. Fuck. Brent and Caite are team #1. "Yeah!! I'm so smart!!" They win a trip to Spain. Whatever. She's the only woman and she's eeestatic. Whatever that means. "I have proved I am intelligent". Cowboys are team #2. "if we win, do we get buckles? I hope so. Amazing Race Champion buckles".
Gaybros are doing the stamps. As are the detectives. It's a stamp off. "This is like impossible". Shut up and look. Jordon finds his. The gaybros get some girls to walk them to a taxi and give directions. Detectives get theirs. "We gotta go very fast my friend".
Gaybros are team #3!! Good luck to our final 3 tonight: Lori, Donna, Kevin and Matt and Amy!!!!!
1. Brent and Caite Donna
2. Jet and Cord Kevin and Matt
3. Dan and Jordon Lori
Out
4. Louis and Michael Amy
5. Carol and Brandy Elayne
6. Joe and Heidi Becky and Mary
7. Jordon and Jeff Joanne
8. Steve and Allie Ginnie
9. Monique and Shawne Terri
10. Jodi and Shannon Jeff and Eileen
11. Dana and Adrian Karen and John
Ok, so I missed the update last week, and didn't get to comment on the noodle making with the dwarf, or the fact that the detective was completely unable to finish a puzzle. Detectives came in last place BUT it was a non eeeeelimination round. They have to do a speedbump this week.
We're in Shanghai. Phil's wearing gloves so it must be cold. He's at the last pit stop, which was the science and technology museum. See, if this were America? It would be the TV and internet GAMES museum, because Americans do not value science or technology (unless it's oil rigs-oh, whoops).
Teams have to find the Garden Bridge, which no one but Americans calls the Garden Bridge. They call it WibiduChow, which sounds nothing like GAAARRRRRDDDDDEEEEENNNNNNN BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDGGGGGEEEEEE no matter how loud or slowly you keep saying it. Cowboys are first to leave, and hey this is a good time to talk about Cord getting kicked in the head by a cow horn. Ok, so what's Jet's problem?? They get directed to a park.
Ah, Brent and Miss USA are next to leave. Let's bring up A-FREAKING-GAIN that she made a horses ASS of herself on the pageant. She is convinced her brilliance shown on the Amazing Race is going to make everyone forget about THE IRAQ. Hmmm, maybe the first step is to stop bringing it up yourself, Caite. Nobody they ask knows where it is.
The cowboys get to the bridge, but it's the wrong one. Caite and Brent find someone to translate. They are off to find a cab. They do a gay fist pump. Cowboys get in a taxi, and he doesn't know where the bridge is.
Gaybros leave. They are all freaked and lost.
Brent and Caite find the bridge. Travel to the Lonhau Temple-and there's a speedbump there. No taxi allowed. B/C get out a map and take a bus. Once again Caite has to mouth off on how smart she is because she can read a friggin map. "So people you can go screw yourselves". Ah, the cocky bird sometimes get the wrong end of the worm. Confucius. You can use that on your FB status, Karen.
Gaybros find some fat Chinese dude exercising one leg and they go back and forth 10 times each saying the word BRIDGE. LOL. He asks Gaybros "where is the garden bridge??" LOL. They decide to go back and get Mike and Louis to ride off their coattails. "We love you, and we have been walking around for 2 hours because we want to hang with you dudes". They get up high and attempt to look for the bridge with binoculars.
Brent and the Rhoades Scholar find the Temple. Roadblock: teams must enter the "hole" and count the number of gold statues to find enlightenment. The Scholar goes in to count. "I'm glad Caite has another chance to prove how smart she is". LOL. She counts in vertical lines, but gets confused. Goes back to count horizontally. Brent is people watching outside. The scholar gets it wrong first time.
Cowboys are looking for the metro. While a million buses go by. The detectives/gaybros see a sign with two jackets hanging off. They head over, and ...not it.
Caite gets it wrong for a second time. D'oh!
Detective finds a group of kids, asks them to call the translation service and they get it. The Gaybros try to get their taxi driver to follow. Not working well... Follow...follow...follow. Hint: in a foreign country it is always worthwhile to keep yelling the same word in English. They are having a shit fit.
The Scholar gets it wrong again for the 3rd time. Cowboys find the Temple, Brent is kinda hiding. They can't find the clue box. Meanwhile Caite is counting again. She keeps missing the TWO BIG ASS GOLDEN STATUES BY THE DOOR. Jet counts ALL of the statues and gets it. Rhoades Scholar finally figures it out. They have to take motorcycles to Yuyuan gardens. "I'm from a town with one traffic light and it's flashing". After the taxi ride they have to find a garden. Oooh, Caite gets to show she is also a dramatic actress as she racially mocks the Chinese for coming up to her and saying, "oh, you wanna buy this? you wanna buy this? me love you long time". Ok, I added that last one in.
Amazingly the Gaybros find the Detectives taxi, and the Bridge clue. Ask how to get there and all 4 take the same bus. Clearly the race for last place is ON.
Cowboys find the clue. Detour: Pork chops or Pork dumplings. Chops: teams make their way to a store that sells stamps, called chops. They have to look for a stamp with a pig and each of their names on the bottom. Dumplings: pick up and deliver 10 orders of dumplings. Cowboys do chops. As do Brent and Caite. But Brent has to pee and Caite won't let him. "Just hold it". She's a bitch.
Speedbump: Perform a local good luck ritual-toss a coin in an incense burner. Detectives are off to do that. Meanwhile, the Bros are counting gold statues. I'm not even sure this speedbump takes 2 whole minutes. Off to count. Louis is a mathematical genius.
I gotta pee. Nope. She finally lets him pee. After they leave, the cowboys find Brent's piece and hide it.
Bro counts right. They are off to the motorcycles. The gaybro likes the part about straddling and holding on to a Chinese man on the bike. Niiiiice. The math genius gets it wrong. Back to count after 10 minute wait. He re-reads the clue while waiting and then goes in, writes down 523 and they finish.
Jet finds his stamp. Brent finds his. "Baby I got mine. It's huge, just like everything else". Caite finds hers, then Cord finds his. "Make your way to the pit stop". It's a taxi-off. Brent: "they don't even understand their own language".
Riverfront. They are racing to find Phil. Fuck. Brent and Caite are team #1. "Yeah!! I'm so smart!!" They win a trip to Spain. Whatever. She's the only woman and she's eeestatic. Whatever that means. "I have proved I am intelligent". Cowboys are team #2. "if we win, do we get buckles? I hope so. Amazing Race Champion buckles".
Gaybros are doing the stamps. As are the detectives. It's a stamp off. "This is like impossible". Shut up and look. Jordon finds his. The gaybros get some girls to walk them to a taxi and give directions. Detectives get theirs. "We gotta go very fast my friend".
Gaybros are team #3!! Good luck to our final 3 tonight: Lori, Donna, Kevin and Matt and Amy!!!!!
1. Brent and Caite Donna
2. Jet and Cord Kevin and Matt
3. Dan and Jordon Lori
Out
4. Louis and Michael Amy
5. Carol and Brandy Elayne
6. Joe and Heidi Becky and Mary
7. Jordon and Jeff Joanne
8. Steve and Allie Ginnie
9. Monique and Shawne Terri
10. Jodi and Shannon Jeff and Eileen
11. Dana and Adrian Karen and John
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Survivor Update: Another Dumb Blonde
It's Thursday!! That time of the week when we see if I have any memory of last week's show. ONE OF THESE DAYS I will not wait until the last minute to write this up.
Sooooo, the Troll found himself a little outplayed at last week's tribal council when Pervhottie pulled not one but TWO idols out of her bag. "I didn't know Perv had an idol". He confronts her, "you lied to me".
He's all CRAZY EYED PISSED.
Perv: "I wanted him to feel out of control".
Amanda wants the gang of heroes to work on Sandra. Kinda late, doncha think?? Rupert wanted to trust her from the beginning, but it's going to be hard to bring her back in.
Troll: "The ship is sinking". He decides to work his hot madness on Candace. He likes those dumb blondes, remember? He offers her a deal. He tells Danielle and Perv that he wants to bring in Candace and get rid of Sandra.
Challenge: Jeff is in light blue. Ah, it's a shuffleboard throw down. LOL. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to the Treasure Island home of Robert Lewis Stephenson. Perv wants to win because she thinks there's probably another idol clue. I hate this whole idol thing.
3 teams: Candace, Perv and Jerri; Sandra, Troll and Rupert; and Colby, Amanda and Danielle. Ahhh, we have apparently found Colby's sport! He gets the last shot for the win.
Ok, so Colby, Amanda and the bearded Danielle go off to Treasure Island. Amanda is hell bent on looking for the idol. They all get in bed and watch..... Treasure Island. Danielle finds the note in the bowl of popcorn, which is WHY one should never share popcorn. Danielle suavely hides the note on the floor beside the bed, and Amanda finds it on the floor. Girl on Girl action!! And, Colby is watching the movie. Colby is a total pussy, and Amanda has to give the clue back to Danielle. Ridunculous. Possession is 9/10ths if the law. LOL.
Back @ Camp yingyang, Troll and Perv are all over Danielle to see if she has the clue, and if anyone else knows. They obviously did. They run off to find it. Etroll finds it, and hides it. He runs off, "I'm the king of idols".
It's raining. I have no idea why I thought that was significant. Russell tells Candace "I trust you, we're final 3".
Sandra and Colby talk. "Danielle or Perv have to go. We need you". They think Danielle has the idol. Sandra tells Rupert Russell is the one. "Your girls need to stick with you". Rupert " Russell is a piece of garbage".
Immunity-medium blue. It's the Brady Bunch, who gets to use the green stamp house of card challenge! Jan, watch your bracelet!
Jerri gets hers to 6'. then she and Russell are both at 8 foot. (they have to build to 10 feet). High drama. Russell runs out of cards, and Jerri wins her first immunity ever.
Back @ camp: Troll "Ruppert and Colby are done". Amanda gets all aggressive, she has to go". Candace: "Either way I vote makes me a target, I have to go with the troll".
Sandra says Russell. All agree, BUT Candace tells him about it. Troll confronts Sandra, she says, "no, it's Amanda". "If either of them flip on me I go home".
Sandra tells the group, "We're screwed by Candace". We're voting Perv. Who's gonna tell amanda. Is Candace in or out?? Sandra works on Candace HARD. Russell tries to interrupt.
Tribal.
Rupert: How do you make a Villain jump ship? No chance.
Sandra: Best bet is to stay with your tribe, but everyone knows I'm on the outside
Jeff: It ain't paradise on the Villain side
Troll: We all play each way.
Rupert: I wish I knew there was distrust. Well, open your FRIGGIN EYES.
Colby: Danielle has an idol
Time to vote. Russell plays the idol. Amanda is the next person voted out.
Troll tells Perv: I had to. She rolls her eyes, "You just wasted an idol".
Sooooo, the Troll found himself a little outplayed at last week's tribal council when Pervhottie pulled not one but TWO idols out of her bag. "I didn't know Perv had an idol". He confronts her, "you lied to me".
He's all CRAZY EYED PISSED.
Perv: "I wanted him to feel out of control".
Amanda wants the gang of heroes to work on Sandra. Kinda late, doncha think?? Rupert wanted to trust her from the beginning, but it's going to be hard to bring her back in.
Troll: "The ship is sinking". He decides to work his hot madness on Candace. He likes those dumb blondes, remember? He offers her a deal. He tells Danielle and Perv that he wants to bring in Candace and get rid of Sandra.
Challenge: Jeff is in light blue. Ah, it's a shuffleboard throw down. LOL. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to the Treasure Island home of Robert Lewis Stephenson. Perv wants to win because she thinks there's probably another idol clue. I hate this whole idol thing.
3 teams: Candace, Perv and Jerri; Sandra, Troll and Rupert; and Colby, Amanda and Danielle. Ahhh, we have apparently found Colby's sport! He gets the last shot for the win.
Ok, so Colby, Amanda and the bearded Danielle go off to Treasure Island. Amanda is hell bent on looking for the idol. They all get in bed and watch..... Treasure Island. Danielle finds the note in the bowl of popcorn, which is WHY one should never share popcorn. Danielle suavely hides the note on the floor beside the bed, and Amanda finds it on the floor. Girl on Girl action!! And, Colby is watching the movie. Colby is a total pussy, and Amanda has to give the clue back to Danielle. Ridunculous. Possession is 9/10ths if the law. LOL.
Back @ Camp yingyang, Troll and Perv are all over Danielle to see if she has the clue, and if anyone else knows. They obviously did. They run off to find it. Etroll finds it, and hides it. He runs off, "I'm the king of idols".
It's raining. I have no idea why I thought that was significant. Russell tells Candace "I trust you, we're final 3".
Sandra and Colby talk. "Danielle or Perv have to go. We need you". They think Danielle has the idol. Sandra tells Rupert Russell is the one. "Your girls need to stick with you". Rupert " Russell is a piece of garbage".
Immunity-medium blue. It's the Brady Bunch, who gets to use the green stamp house of card challenge! Jan, watch your bracelet!
Jerri gets hers to 6'. then she and Russell are both at 8 foot. (they have to build to 10 feet). High drama. Russell runs out of cards, and Jerri wins her first immunity ever.
Back @ camp: Troll "Ruppert and Colby are done". Amanda gets all aggressive, she has to go". Candace: "Either way I vote makes me a target, I have to go with the troll".
Sandra says Russell. All agree, BUT Candace tells him about it. Troll confronts Sandra, she says, "no, it's Amanda". "If either of them flip on me I go home".
Sandra tells the group, "We're screwed by Candace". We're voting Perv. Who's gonna tell amanda. Is Candace in or out?? Sandra works on Candace HARD. Russell tries to interrupt.
Tribal.
Rupert: How do you make a Villain jump ship? No chance.
Sandra: Best bet is to stay with your tribe, but everyone knows I'm on the outside
Jeff: It ain't paradise on the Villain side
Troll: We all play each way.
Rupert: I wish I knew there was distrust. Well, open your FRIGGIN EYES.
Colby: Danielle has an idol
Time to vote. Russell plays the idol. Amanda is the next person voted out.
Troll tells Perv: I had to. She rolls her eyes, "You just wasted an idol".
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Survivor, brought to you by Outback Steak
We start with Jerri, who is like the old woman of the sea this season, wigging out about Coach getting voted off. And, not getting a chance to put her tongue down his throat one last time before he went. At least she still has the shell engagement ring. She talks to Troll, who denies having any idea what happened last week. And, she buys it. He wants either Sandra or Courtney to go. No shock there.
Tree mail. It's that challenge from Tocachines or whatever it was, where people stand on little pegs. This time, they have to self rank themselves from strongest to weakest and they get matched up that way. Rupert thinks he's the strongest, but they all basically tell him he's too fat.
COME ON IN GUYS. Jeff is in light blue. Notice Coach has been voted off. Rupert: "It's obviously a woman's alliance". And, it is obviously a winning tactic to keep yelling out what you think the other team is doing. Jeff explains the challenge. Wanna know what you are playing for? A totally shameless push for Outback Steakhouse, now available in American Samoa. "Bloomin' onion baybee". Everyone apparently loves Outback. LOVES LOVES LOVES Outback. Either that or they got their kickback checks this morning.
Matched up: Danielle/Candace, Courtney/Amanda, Pervhottie/JT, Jerri/Colby and Sandra/Rupert. The troll sits out because, like Rupert, he is too damn fat.
While we wait for the first 10 minutes to pass, Jeff tells us that it is an historic day!! It is the 100th day Amanda has played Survivor.
They all move down one peg. The troll mouths good luck to JT, who thinks it is a cry for help.
3rd foothold. Colby the Lame goes out. Villains 1-0. Rupert goes out, Villains 2-0.
Sandra starts talking about how she LOVES her some Outback. Jeff, before my huuusband went off to Afghanistan, that last week? Instead of having sex, we ate at Outback Steak twice. "I love OUTBACK STEAK, and so does my all patriotic, fighting for America soldier husband". She totally just got free Outback for life.
Amanda is out. Villains win reward. Over at the Outback shack, and hey! No waiting in American Samoa-no having to sit around smelling the food, getting hungry enough to order that 5,000 calorie Bloomin Onion while you wait for the square vibrator to vibrate. Sandra is pounding the pink drinks. Because in addition to LOVING OUTBACK, and her WAR HERO HUSBAND, Sandra LOVES her some pink drinks with kick ass alcohol in them. Seriously, this is like an Outback ad. Complete with close-ups of the steak and cheesy-gross baked potato.
Pervhottie actually uses her napkin, and finds a rolled up clue in it. They all chatter along about how funny the Heroes are going on and on about the all girl alliance. Pervhottie gets up to pee, and Danielle joins her. Perv and Danielle read the clue. Perv isn't tellin the troll.
JT, apparently, does not give a damn about no steak. He tells Amanda and I think Candace, that he is going to give Russell the idol and tell him to vote off Perv. Amanda thinks this is crazy but lets him do it.
The next day, Perv and Danielle go looking for the idol, carrying a big ass shovel just in case anyone sees them. They find it.
Oh god. JT writes the most embarrassingly 7th grade letter to Russell. Do you like me? Circle yes or no. LOL.
Immunity Challenge: Light blue. I don't know. It's some thing with bags of puzzles on ropes, and then a totem pole puzzle. Whatever. In the middle of it, Russell and Colby the Lame are both out in the water on platforms. Colby goes all serious and tells him after the challenge, JT will shake his hand and hand him the idol. "Save yourself, man". Russell drags getting his bag of pieces and the Heroes win immunity.
"I don't even have to find the idols anymore, people are just giving me the idols". JT is all thrilled with himself. "I'm gonna make Survivor history". Yes, you certainly are.
Troll and Pervhottie read the letter and laugh about it. "How do you give the idol king an idol??" Perv adds, "Your BFF forever, JT". It is really laughable.
Troll wants Courtney. Courtney promises Perv she will stick with her after the merge. The troll tells Jerri and Danielle about the idol from JT. Perv tries to argue for Sandra to go rather than Courtney. It's all kind of boring at this point.
Tribal-Jeff is in dark blue, baby. Let's bring Coach out. OH MY FUCKING GOD. Coach is wearing like, a kung fu smoking jacket. Seriously. I think be must have bought it at one of those chinese stores in San Francisco. I can't stop laughing. Seriously, I laughed so hard I could not take notes on the tribal. It was all blah blah trust, blah blah blab alliance. I do notice, however that Danielle's lip waxing needs to be redone, and she is sporting one hell of a mustache. I can only imagine what she looks like now that the Brazilian wax job has also grown in. Ugh.
They vote and Courtney goes. "Later Bitches".
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Survivor Update: Regrets, I have a few...
Jeez, how can it possibly be Thursday already? Man oh man. Let's see what my drunken Survivor notes from last week say, shall we?
Sooo, Rob was voted out last time, and I am still upset about that. Can't believe I was actually rooting for him after all these years of watching the reality whore. Russell is all crazy eyed. Seriously, it's like his pupils are constantly dilated with evil. Coach is upset about the vote, WHICH IS HIS OWN DAMN FAULT. Now Jerri is also wondering if she made the wrong choice. YES. The simple answer is YES. I keep wondering if these people watched the last season with Etroll, although I know Coach blogged about it. Coach:" Now I'm forced to go in that direction. We're in the crapper and are praying for the merge". Hey, you lazy mo'fo how about doing some OUT-FREAKING-PLAYING and peeling some people away from the Coach alliance? What would Gandhi do? Gandhi would be kicking some ass right about now, if you ask me. As would Buddha. Notice I am not even calling him the dragon slaya today, because a REAL FREAKING dragon slaya wouldn't walk away from a fight with a little fat, dirty assed, crazy eyed dragon. Nooooo sir. A real FREAKING dragon slaya would be going all Gandhi-Buddha on the troll.
Let's see what's up in Heroland. JT goes to find the new idol. Which reminds me, WHY ISN'T THAT FAT, DIRTY ASSED, CRAZY DRAGON looking for the second idol like he did last season? Sorry, I got distracted. Amanda follows JT to see what he's doing. Her ass cheeks are hanging out of her shorts. Bing, I now christen her "Ass Cheeks". JT finds the idol, hidden once again by the American Samoa brownie troop #486. He tells Ass Cheeks about it, then tells Candace. They urge him to 'come clean". And then doves fly out of they butts. JT tells the others, and says "let's forget about it and save it for the one of us who needs it after the merge". Candace and Ass Cheeks doubt JT is, let's face it, that stupid. He's the golden boy. He's "in" with everybody. Candace wants him gone. (drink)
The villains are hungry. Apparently eating your own isn't filling. Coach tells Jerri to suck it up and be a ninja that can survive without food. LMAO. The day my husband tells me that, he is a dead man walking.
Everyone is hoping for the merge. The Villains pack up all their shit and take it to the challenge.
Challenge! Dark Blue!! Let's welcome the new Villain tribe, without Rob. oooooooh. Rupert " sure looks like a woman's alliance making the decisions". 'Troll's pupils dilate a little more. Colby is confused why they brought their shit. "What did they read into the clue that we missed??"
Jeff: "See all that food over there? You will all have an opportunity to enjoy it. But....... first.........drop...........your............expectations. No merge today. LOL!! I love when my man bitch slaps them all. Kind of reminds me of the other night at the Motel 6 in Pottstown...but I digress.
Reward challenge: Bowling, or as my mother always called it "Polish Night Out". No offense to bowlers. Ah, the Tiki Bowl is in business.
Pervhottie is up against Rupert. Perv rolls a gutter ball, Rupert gets 3 pins. Perv rolls another gutter and the Hero's are up 1-0. Clearly we are not playing by real rules.
JT vs Danielle. JT gets 6 pins first try, Danielle gets 0 although Jeff has to friggin say she has good form. I'll show him good form... JT gets nutin on his second roll, Danielle, another bunch of nothing. Heroes up by 2.
Troll vs Colby. Troll rolls a gutter. EAT IT TROLL. Colby, rolls a 0 with a faggot little bounce. Second ball: Troll gets a 5, Colby a 1. Heroes 2: Villains 1.
Coach vs Ass Cheeks. Coach rolls a 5! As does Ass Cheeks!!! Coach gets another pin for 6 but....Ass Cheeks kicks it with 2 pins and Heroes win reward.
Heroes feast on bowling junk food. They are the "fantastic 5" in their minds. Lots of discussion: Crazy to vote out Rob! It's clearly an all woman alliance over there? They want the hero girls to get right in and bond with them when the merge happens. "I love you all". LOL. That'll last...
Back at camp. Happy land! Jerri: "Everyone on this tribe is an idiot." I could not agree more. "We should never have voted Rob out". Jerri and Sandra go at it because Russell told them to sit out. Sandra "now it's my fault??" "I hate them all".
Sandra and Courtney talk. "if Russell thinks someone is gunning for him, he gets rid of them. Let's put the 'Coach wants Russell gone' bug in his ear.
Coach is telling Courtney he hates everyone. Troll sees them talking "I will tell them this is how we're voting and that's done". God I want a job at his company!! Sandra mentions that Coach regrets Rob going and wants YOU gone". BING!!! It's like magic. "He's going behind my back and digging his own grave".
LOL. Sandra is so smart. 'He don't know what he got himself in with". The troll tells Pervhottie, "We have to get rid of Coach so the Heroes think it's a woman's alliance and the men will come straight to me." He's still chewing on that woman calling the shots claim, obviously.
Immunity Challenge. Light Blue. My notes say, "belted in pairs, under and over obstacles for flags". Hmmm, I have no memory of that. I think there's some mud involved. Screw it, Heroes win immunity. Courtney apparently hurts her ankle.
Villainland of Fun!! Coach, "it was like going to a spa". The dragon slaya is just coming into his own. Because he beat fat Rupert. LOL. Coach thinks he should get rid of Russell (HELLLOOOOOOOOOO), but decides on Courtney.
Coach asks the Troll, "any funny stuff going on I should know about?" Troll, "I'll send home who I want to".
Danielle wants to keep Coach, get rid of Courtney. She argues with Courtney. Courtney " if you keep Coach and lose, your ass is on the line". Danielle doesn't know what to do. Sandra and Courtney, Russell and Danielle are arguing. The Troll now says he wants to keep Coach. Pervhottie thinks it's all absurd.
Tribal. Hmmm, I call it Slate Blue, Donna calls it green.
Jeff: so, you got rid of Tyson and Rob and now have suffered 4 straight loses. Danielle: they were big threats.
Coach was the only person who won a point in bowling.
Courtney: You sit out most challenges. "I didn't vote for Rob".
Coach "People are laughing at us". Yes, dragon slaya they are. I get the impression that, more than anything else, bothers Coach.
Courtney rolls her eyes. "He only wanted to eat". Coach "so I'm the problem??" Jeff "that's what I heard". Oh, SNAP.
Jeff "You are all making decisions based upon a potential merge that might not happen"
Troll: "If you can keep the tribe stronger and keep the trust, that's what I'm doing tonight.
Time to vote. Courtney 3, Coach 4. Coach becomes the first member of the Jury.
Jeff, who is just so dayam smart: "The problem with trust is you don't know it's gone until it's too late". Ohhh, I got chills. I think I need to publish a book of Jeff-isms.
Sooo, Rob was voted out last time, and I am still upset about that. Can't believe I was actually rooting for him after all these years of watching the reality whore. Russell is all crazy eyed. Seriously, it's like his pupils are constantly dilated with evil. Coach is upset about the vote, WHICH IS HIS OWN DAMN FAULT. Now Jerri is also wondering if she made the wrong choice. YES. The simple answer is YES. I keep wondering if these people watched the last season with Etroll, although I know Coach blogged about it. Coach:" Now I'm forced to go in that direction. We're in the crapper and are praying for the merge". Hey, you lazy mo'fo how about doing some OUT-FREAKING-PLAYING and peeling some people away from the Coach alliance? What would Gandhi do? Gandhi would be kicking some ass right about now, if you ask me. As would Buddha. Notice I am not even calling him the dragon slaya today, because a REAL FREAKING dragon slaya wouldn't walk away from a fight with a little fat, dirty assed, crazy eyed dragon. Nooooo sir. A real FREAKING dragon slaya would be going all Gandhi-Buddha on the troll.
Let's see what's up in Heroland. JT goes to find the new idol. Which reminds me, WHY ISN'T THAT FAT, DIRTY ASSED, CRAZY DRAGON looking for the second idol like he did last season? Sorry, I got distracted. Amanda follows JT to see what he's doing. Her ass cheeks are hanging out of her shorts. Bing, I now christen her "Ass Cheeks". JT finds the idol, hidden once again by the American Samoa brownie troop #486. He tells Ass Cheeks about it, then tells Candace. They urge him to 'come clean". And then doves fly out of they butts. JT tells the others, and says "let's forget about it and save it for the one of us who needs it after the merge". Candace and Ass Cheeks doubt JT is, let's face it, that stupid. He's the golden boy. He's "in" with everybody. Candace wants him gone. (drink)
The villains are hungry. Apparently eating your own isn't filling. Coach tells Jerri to suck it up and be a ninja that can survive without food. LMAO. The day my husband tells me that, he is a dead man walking.
Everyone is hoping for the merge. The Villains pack up all their shit and take it to the challenge.
Challenge! Dark Blue!! Let's welcome the new Villain tribe, without Rob. oooooooh. Rupert " sure looks like a woman's alliance making the decisions". 'Troll's pupils dilate a little more. Colby is confused why they brought their shit. "What did they read into the clue that we missed??"
Jeff: "See all that food over there? You will all have an opportunity to enjoy it. But....... first.........drop...........your............expectations. No merge today. LOL!! I love when my man bitch slaps them all. Kind of reminds me of the other night at the Motel 6 in Pottstown...but I digress.
Reward challenge: Bowling, or as my mother always called it "Polish Night Out". No offense to bowlers. Ah, the Tiki Bowl is in business.
Pervhottie is up against Rupert. Perv rolls a gutter ball, Rupert gets 3 pins. Perv rolls another gutter and the Hero's are up 1-0. Clearly we are not playing by real rules.
JT vs Danielle. JT gets 6 pins first try, Danielle gets 0 although Jeff has to friggin say she has good form. I'll show him good form... JT gets nutin on his second roll, Danielle, another bunch of nothing. Heroes up by 2.
Troll vs Colby. Troll rolls a gutter. EAT IT TROLL. Colby, rolls a 0 with a faggot little bounce. Second ball: Troll gets a 5, Colby a 1. Heroes 2: Villains 1.
Coach vs Ass Cheeks. Coach rolls a 5! As does Ass Cheeks!!! Coach gets another pin for 6 but....Ass Cheeks kicks it with 2 pins and Heroes win reward.
Heroes feast on bowling junk food. They are the "fantastic 5" in their minds. Lots of discussion: Crazy to vote out Rob! It's clearly an all woman alliance over there? They want the hero girls to get right in and bond with them when the merge happens. "I love you all". LOL. That'll last...
Back at camp. Happy land! Jerri: "Everyone on this tribe is an idiot." I could not agree more. "We should never have voted Rob out". Jerri and Sandra go at it because Russell told them to sit out. Sandra "now it's my fault??" "I hate them all".
Sandra and Courtney talk. "if Russell thinks someone is gunning for him, he gets rid of them. Let's put the 'Coach wants Russell gone' bug in his ear.
Coach is telling Courtney he hates everyone. Troll sees them talking "I will tell them this is how we're voting and that's done". God I want a job at his company!! Sandra mentions that Coach regrets Rob going and wants YOU gone". BING!!! It's like magic. "He's going behind my back and digging his own grave".
LOL. Sandra is so smart. 'He don't know what he got himself in with". The troll tells Pervhottie, "We have to get rid of Coach so the Heroes think it's a woman's alliance and the men will come straight to me." He's still chewing on that woman calling the shots claim, obviously.
Immunity Challenge. Light Blue. My notes say, "belted in pairs, under and over obstacles for flags". Hmmm, I have no memory of that. I think there's some mud involved. Screw it, Heroes win immunity. Courtney apparently hurts her ankle.
Villainland of Fun!! Coach, "it was like going to a spa". The dragon slaya is just coming into his own. Because he beat fat Rupert. LOL. Coach thinks he should get rid of Russell (HELLLOOOOOOOOOO), but decides on Courtney.
Coach asks the Troll, "any funny stuff going on I should know about?" Troll, "I'll send home who I want to".
Danielle wants to keep Coach, get rid of Courtney. She argues with Courtney. Courtney " if you keep Coach and lose, your ass is on the line". Danielle doesn't know what to do. Sandra and Courtney, Russell and Danielle are arguing. The Troll now says he wants to keep Coach. Pervhottie thinks it's all absurd.
Tribal. Hmmm, I call it Slate Blue, Donna calls it green.
Jeff: so, you got rid of Tyson and Rob and now have suffered 4 straight loses. Danielle: they were big threats.
Coach was the only person who won a point in bowling.
Courtney: You sit out most challenges. "I didn't vote for Rob".
Coach "People are laughing at us". Yes, dragon slaya they are. I get the impression that, more than anything else, bothers Coach.
Courtney rolls her eyes. "He only wanted to eat". Coach "so I'm the problem??" Jeff "that's what I heard". Oh, SNAP.
Jeff "You are all making decisions based upon a potential merge that might not happen"
Troll: "If you can keep the tribe stronger and keep the trust, that's what I'm doing tonight.
Time to vote. Courtney 3, Coach 4. Coach becomes the first member of the Jury.
Jeff, who is just so dayam smart: "The problem with trust is you don't know it's gone until it's too late". Ohhh, I got chills. I think I need to publish a book of Jeff-isms.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Survivor: Don't Vote With Your Gonads
So just to rehash, last week the Troll blindsided Rob and double crossed Tyson. And, James got the ax too.
On the Villains, Rob is seething. He was shocked by the vote. “Something doesn’t feel right”. Sandra tells him “Tyson didn’t want to see a tie”.
Courtney: Russell is a bandy legged troll with one tooth that never bathes, and Pervhottie has no problems flirting with him.
Rob: Why do these 3 people have so much confidence? Are Jerri and Coach with them??
Back from commercial: a sea turtle eating something, and then a big wave. Drama ahead.
Morning. Jerri sits with the troll and the witches of Samoa. The troll tries to pump her. “Jerri has all kinds of respect for me”. Perv works on Jerri. Hard. Jerri: “maybe I just have a fear of commitment”. Perv: “I’ll take you to the final 4”.
Perv: Jerri is jealous of the troll and me. LOL.
Over on Heroes. Rupert: “Colby needs to step up today”. And Colby is just sitting staring at the fire. He is feeling a pressure to perform. Oooh, performance anxiety. I hear that’s tough for men.
Challenge. Jeff is in light blue. I wasn’t in the mood anyway. It’s another version of March Madness basketball, this one in the water. Wanna know what you’re playing for? Another trip to a waterfall with food. When are we going to bring out the natives??
Courtney, Sandra and Perv sit out.
First up, men on men. It’s a scramble, and Colby missed twice in a row. Rut row, not good. Coach gets a hold of the ball, and throws like a friggin girl. He missed by a mile. Coach and Colby tussle. Colby gets and ball and makes the shot. 1-0 Heroes.
Next, it’s 2 women, one man. Coach and Colby are back in it. The women are going at it. Colby passes to Candace, in and out. Coach…another big miss. You’d think his dragon slaya powers would help in basketball. Colby passes to Candace, she scores!! 2-0 Heroes
Men again. Right off the bat, Troll and Rupert go at it. I mean, really go at it. JT gets the ball easily, passes to Colby who gets it in!! Heroes blank the Villains 3-0!!! Colby redemption.
They go off for reward. I swear they are playing the Lord of the Rings music. They are all eating when Candace sees the note. She opens it, it’s about another idol. “Let’s all ignore it”. And, just like you can’t ignore genital herpes (or so I hear…), they all stop having fun. Amanda goes over and brings the note back. She reads it aloud. “It’s in a shallow grave by the two bridges”. Isn’t this the exact friggin place the second idol that the troll found without a clue was hidden?? They all decide to find it together “that’s for all of us to use against the villains”. And then doves flew out of all of their asses.
Villainland. Troll and Jerri chat. He offers them top 3. Jerri calls over Coach. Hey, Jerri is wearing a shell ring. Is that from Coach?? Coach: “Russell is selling her a pure line of gold and Jerri is buying it”.
Jerri and Coach talk. Jerri told the troll she is going along with him. Coach is pissed. Jerri wants Coach to come over to the dark side with her. Coach: “We are honor bound to play the game together” “Jerri has muddied the water”. Jerri doesn’t trust Rob as much as she trusts the troll. LMAO. Coach: “Rob is trustworthy”. “I’m hurt because you didn’t talk to me before committing to the troll”. “You better not be saying you trust the troll and me equally”. “I can’t believe you threw all of your eggs in Russell’s basket”. Jerri: “Well, not all of my eggs”. Ewww.
Jerri: “Coach is naïve. You can’t be the good guy to everyone and win this game, and I plan to win”.
Immunity challenge: Light blue. I wasn’t in the mood anyway.
It’s another greatest hits challenge. Run on a trampoline, climb up a rope ladder and get…wait for it….puzzle freakin pieces.
I’ll skip the rolling and bouncing. Suffice it to say, Courtney lost the villains a lot of time. Heroes get all their pieces first, but Jerri says, “It’s a puzzle, we got this”. Rob and Sandra do the puzzle as do JT and Amanda. Holy crap! The heroes win immunity!!
Coach is right on Courtney. She’s the weakest link.
The troll is all against Rob and Courtney. Big shock. Rob and the troll are sitting on a log with Sandra and Courtney, who are freakishly braiding each other’s hair. The troll points to the two of them and says, “one of these two should go”. Wow, what a breach of Survivor etiquette. Worse than bananagate.
Troll: Once Courtney is gone, Rob is done.
Coach wants Perv or Courtney. Rob: “Courtney is loyal. Perv or Russell? Russell is dangerous.”
Coach to Rob: “I want to be standing with you on the last day”.
Troll wants to blindside Rob. Coach and Jerri are sitting with him. “Me and Coach can beat anyone, we don’t need Rob”. Coach still tries to lobby Courtney.
Coach has his close up moment. Coach doesn’t want Rob to go. “I came to win but not at all costs”. He’s confused. And thinking with his penis. Just sayin.
Rob to Jerri: “You’re smart, you’ll figure it out”. Yea, but will it be soon enough.
The lovebirds chat. Jerri” I’ve aged years”. Coach does not disagree. “It’s not the right time to get rid of Rob”. Jerri: “I’m not a good villain”.
Tribal. Ahh, Jeff is in darkish blue. I’ll take it.
Sandra, How is tonight’s vote different? “We’re all over the board tonight”
Coach: Hope springs eternal. The split is 3-3, with Jerri and I as tie breakers. Tyson was the bridge
Troll: Well, I just flat out disagree with that. By getting rid of Tyson, it made us closer
Most people disagree…
Rob: This is not a functional tribe.
Troll: Last week I made the best more for myself (and no one picks up on this comment????)
Perv: Yea, but people are mad about it.
Coach: People are paranoid.
Question: what’s more important, alliances or team strength?
Rob to Russell: You are against me. Loyalty is more important.
Troll: If you are gunning for me, you have to go.
Coach (idiot): Lines have been drawn. We can’t win if our best competitors are against each other.
Jerri: I’ve been confronted by both sides. I’ve had to weigh both sides, and I hope I am making the best decision.
Vote: Troll, 3; Courtney 1 (thanks, Coach, you ahole), Rob 4. Waaah, Rob is votes off. As he leaves, Coach gets up to hug him. Rob: “You’re a little man”. And, somewhere Jerri agrees.
Dr. Jeff: Does the vote bring the tribe together or destroy it???
On the Villains, Rob is seething. He was shocked by the vote. “Something doesn’t feel right”. Sandra tells him “Tyson didn’t want to see a tie”.
Courtney: Russell is a bandy legged troll with one tooth that never bathes, and Pervhottie has no problems flirting with him.
Rob: Why do these 3 people have so much confidence? Are Jerri and Coach with them??
Back from commercial: a sea turtle eating something, and then a big wave. Drama ahead.
Morning. Jerri sits with the troll and the witches of Samoa. The troll tries to pump her. “Jerri has all kinds of respect for me”. Perv works on Jerri. Hard. Jerri: “maybe I just have a fear of commitment”. Perv: “I’ll take you to the final 4”.
Perv: Jerri is jealous of the troll and me. LOL.
Over on Heroes. Rupert: “Colby needs to step up today”. And Colby is just sitting staring at the fire. He is feeling a pressure to perform. Oooh, performance anxiety. I hear that’s tough for men.
Challenge. Jeff is in light blue. I wasn’t in the mood anyway. It’s another version of March Madness basketball, this one in the water. Wanna know what you’re playing for? Another trip to a waterfall with food. When are we going to bring out the natives??
Courtney, Sandra and Perv sit out.
First up, men on men. It’s a scramble, and Colby missed twice in a row. Rut row, not good. Coach gets a hold of the ball, and throws like a friggin girl. He missed by a mile. Coach and Colby tussle. Colby gets and ball and makes the shot. 1-0 Heroes.
Next, it’s 2 women, one man. Coach and Colby are back in it. The women are going at it. Colby passes to Candace, in and out. Coach…another big miss. You’d think his dragon slaya powers would help in basketball. Colby passes to Candace, she scores!! 2-0 Heroes
Men again. Right off the bat, Troll and Rupert go at it. I mean, really go at it. JT gets the ball easily, passes to Colby who gets it in!! Heroes blank the Villains 3-0!!! Colby redemption.
They go off for reward. I swear they are playing the Lord of the Rings music. They are all eating when Candace sees the note. She opens it, it’s about another idol. “Let’s all ignore it”. And, just like you can’t ignore genital herpes (or so I hear…), they all stop having fun. Amanda goes over and brings the note back. She reads it aloud. “It’s in a shallow grave by the two bridges”. Isn’t this the exact friggin place the second idol that the troll found without a clue was hidden?? They all decide to find it together “that’s for all of us to use against the villains”. And then doves flew out of all of their asses.
Villainland. Troll and Jerri chat. He offers them top 3. Jerri calls over Coach. Hey, Jerri is wearing a shell ring. Is that from Coach?? Coach: “Russell is selling her a pure line of gold and Jerri is buying it”.
Jerri and Coach talk. Jerri told the troll she is going along with him. Coach is pissed. Jerri wants Coach to come over to the dark side with her. Coach: “We are honor bound to play the game together” “Jerri has muddied the water”. Jerri doesn’t trust Rob as much as she trusts the troll. LMAO. Coach: “Rob is trustworthy”. “I’m hurt because you didn’t talk to me before committing to the troll”. “You better not be saying you trust the troll and me equally”. “I can’t believe you threw all of your eggs in Russell’s basket”. Jerri: “Well, not all of my eggs”. Ewww.
Jerri: “Coach is naïve. You can’t be the good guy to everyone and win this game, and I plan to win”.
Immunity challenge: Light blue. I wasn’t in the mood anyway.
It’s another greatest hits challenge. Run on a trampoline, climb up a rope ladder and get…wait for it….puzzle freakin pieces.
I’ll skip the rolling and bouncing. Suffice it to say, Courtney lost the villains a lot of time. Heroes get all their pieces first, but Jerri says, “It’s a puzzle, we got this”. Rob and Sandra do the puzzle as do JT and Amanda. Holy crap! The heroes win immunity!!
Coach is right on Courtney. She’s the weakest link.
The troll is all against Rob and Courtney. Big shock. Rob and the troll are sitting on a log with Sandra and Courtney, who are freakishly braiding each other’s hair. The troll points to the two of them and says, “one of these two should go”. Wow, what a breach of Survivor etiquette. Worse than bananagate.
Troll: Once Courtney is gone, Rob is done.
Coach wants Perv or Courtney. Rob: “Courtney is loyal. Perv or Russell? Russell is dangerous.”
Coach to Rob: “I want to be standing with you on the last day”.
Troll wants to blindside Rob. Coach and Jerri are sitting with him. “Me and Coach can beat anyone, we don’t need Rob”. Coach still tries to lobby Courtney.
Coach has his close up moment. Coach doesn’t want Rob to go. “I came to win but not at all costs”. He’s confused. And thinking with his penis. Just sayin.
Rob to Jerri: “You’re smart, you’ll figure it out”. Yea, but will it be soon enough.
The lovebirds chat. Jerri” I’ve aged years”. Coach does not disagree. “It’s not the right time to get rid of Rob”. Jerri: “I’m not a good villain”.
Tribal. Ahh, Jeff is in darkish blue. I’ll take it.
Sandra, How is tonight’s vote different? “We’re all over the board tonight”
Coach: Hope springs eternal. The split is 3-3, with Jerri and I as tie breakers. Tyson was the bridge
Troll: Well, I just flat out disagree with that. By getting rid of Tyson, it made us closer
Most people disagree…
Rob: This is not a functional tribe.
Troll: Last week I made the best more for myself (and no one picks up on this comment????)
Perv: Yea, but people are mad about it.
Coach: People are paranoid.
Question: what’s more important, alliances or team strength?
Rob to Russell: You are against me. Loyalty is more important.
Troll: If you are gunning for me, you have to go.
Coach (idiot): Lines have been drawn. We can’t win if our best competitors are against each other.
Jerri: I’ve been confronted by both sides. I’ve had to weigh both sides, and I hope I am making the best decision.
Vote: Troll, 3; Courtney 1 (thanks, Coach, you ahole), Rob 4. Waaah, Rob is votes off. As he leaves, Coach gets up to hug him. Rob: “You’re a little man”. And, somewhere Jerri agrees.
Dr. Jeff: Does the vote bring the tribe together or destroy it???
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Survivor: Watch Your Back, MAN
Hmmm, last week. We start off with Amanda being mad at Candace. "She has to go". (Drink).
Nighttime in the jungle, and the Etroll is wide awake. He never sleeps, being consumed 24/7 with evil. Rob is also awake, waiting for him. They chat. Etroll tries to make Rob think he's not really against him. Rob tells him, "people are mad about the idol". The troll denies having it. Rob is all about making Etroll even more crazy and paranoid. "Watch your back, man".
Tree mail: "Never Give Up Even at the End of Your Rope". Colby is wondering if it is a physical challenge, and what that means for James. I got $20 on that same question, Colby.
Challenge, Jeff is in light blue. I wasn't really in the mood anyway. It's straight into a immunity challenge, with a twist. Both tribes will go to tribal, the winners get to watch the losers vote someone off while they enjoy shoveling hot dogs and drinks down their gullets.
It's another in the Survivor HALL OF FAME challenges, a rope obstacle. Basically fences with ropes tied all around them, and the players have to crawl around to untwist the rope. The Dragon Slaya, JT and Tyson have done this before.
Heroes go first. Lots of butt shots. Colby, as usual, SUCKS at this challenge. James is kicking ass even with his knee. Candace and JT get through the first section first, and Candace wins immunity.
Villains are up next, and I actually think a week later Sandra is still trying to figure this challenge out. It's Rob, Tyson and Etroll neck and neck, but in the end Rob wins immunity. Clearly this is a thin person's challenge, not a fat ass troll with a lower center of gravity person's challenge.
Rob takes on Candace in the elementary school jungle gym Survivor has flown in and built in the jungle. I hope they leave it for the displaced little children of Somoa, instead of selling it on ebay. Rob barely squeaks it out. Rob wins the challenge for the Villains.
Villainland: Pervhottie is on the list of people to to,but Rob wants Etroll to think it is him and use the idol. Coach, as we know, has another alliance with the devil, aka Russell. Rob to Russell: "If you have the idol, you better get it, otherwise it's been real". Which makes the troll fume: "Ima gonna git him to eat his words". He decides to give Perv the idol and then vote for Tyson.
Heroland: Colby "James beat me brace and all". Colby says to the tribe, I know it's me so let's have a nice day and not give anything away tonight at Tribal. Colby and James chat. "Sleepy ass Colby gets beat by a fat man and a cripple. It's not the old Colby".
Amanda, JT and Rupert chat Colby or James. JT: "Our 5 has to be the strongest".
Amanda talks to James, tells him he has to show that he can run and jump, but also that he needs to learn the etiquette of bananas. She tells him people are mad that he eats too many bananas, and never offers to get anyone any bananas. This statement alone is why I could never survive. James declares it's Hero Olympics time, challenges JT to a race. Colby is busy floating in the water. James and JT race, JT wins but James puts up a good effort. "James is a fighter and powerful". "Hey, JT, would you like a banana??" LOL.
V: Rob wants to ensure that the troll doesn't double cross him. He wants to split the vote between Etroll and Pervhottie. Good thought.
Etroll talks to Tyson, tells him "I'm voting for Pervhottie:. Tyson, who is a freaking idiot, changes his vote to Pervhottie as well.
Tribal Villains (wow, I didn't even notice what color Jeff was wearing).
Jerri: In what way has Survivor changed? The game is on from the start.
Rob: Hidden immunity idols, we never had them when I played
Sandra: We all know who has it.
Etroll: If you ain't got it you can't play it
Tyson: Jeff, I am a total tool, so let me just say that the idol isn't that important at this point in the game.
Perv: Tyson is a threat because he has connections on the other side.
Sandra: Pervhottie has slept with half of the Heroes.
Time to vote. Best line ever: Sandra as she is voting: "Russell, it's time for you to get in the ocean and wash your ass out."
Anyone have the idol? Russell plays it but gives it to Perv as payment for sexual favors. The vote is Russell 2, Perv 4 and Tyson 3. Tyson screwed himself out of the game. Rob, looks stunned.
Tribal II, Heroes. Villains are scarfing hot dogs. Rupert can't take his eyes off the food.
James: I raced JT today. Jeff, What??
Amanda: A lot of people would have lost to JT.
Colby: Huh? Wassup? I just said how much I want to stay
James: Colby is the best former player but he's superman in a girdle. I wanna be here AND I now know banana etiquette.
Time to vote. Colby gets 1 vote, James gets 4. Waaaaaaa.
James (and me): "Ima gonna be good and drunk in the next 5 minutes".
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